1. Hey, Charles, want to grab
a beer before you go home?Copy !req
2. Ooh, a yeast feast.
Never mind.Copy !req
3. No, no, no,
I want to go, it's just,Copy !req
4. there's a huge emergencyCopy !req
5. I have to deal with first.Copy !req
6. Oh, no.
Is everything okay?Copy !req
7. It's about my food truck.Copy !req
8. I have to get a parking spot.Copy !req
9. Oh.
That doesn't sound as intenseCopy !req
10. as you were
making it out to be.Copy !req
11. Move your ass,
you old bitch!Copy !req
12. What is happening?Copy !req
13. We have to get there by 7:00Copy !req
14. when they lift
the parking restrictions.Copy !req
15. It's the best spot
in Brooklyn,Copy !req
16. and everyone wants it.Copy !req
17. Get the hell out of the way!Copy !req
18. Charles, I highly doubt
the entire food truck industryCopy !req
19. is racing to get into
this one spot.Copy !req
20. It's not Mad Max.Copy !req
21. We're neck and neck
with rice pudding.Copy !req
22. You got Korean tacos
on your six.Copy !req
23. Oh, my God, it's real.
We're on the Fury Road.Copy !req
24. Witness me, blood bag!Copy !req
25. Hold on tight!Copy !req
26. That was the most stressful
thing I've ever gone through,Copy !req
27. and I was wrongfully
imprisoned last year.Copy !req
28. That was fun.Copy !req
29. Every aspect of owning
a food truck is fun.Copy !req
30. It is fun, fun, fun.Copy !req
31. What the hell do you want,
Troy?Copy !req
32. You stole my spot,
you son of a bitch!Copy !req
33. Oh, go on, get out of here.
You're just jealous.Copy !req
34. I'm not going anywhere!
I made a signal,Copy !req
35. and you made an illegal
U-turn! Give me a break.Copy !req
36. I should call the cops!
Oh, are you gonnaCopy !req
37. call the cops?
Yeah, I'm gonna call the cops!Copy !req
38. I am the cops!
Oh, you're a cop now?Copy !req
39. Why don't you go back to your
garbage truck and cook some pudding?Copy !req
40. You're gonna regret this.Copy !req
41. Kill yourself, Troy!Copy !req
42. Jake, I have a confession
to make.Copy !req
43. The food truck is kind of
stressing me out.Copy !req
44. Bad news, Captain.
A water main burst downtown.Copy !req
45. There's been several injuries.
Oh, that's unfortunate.Copy !req
46. And the victims are
in our blah-blah-blah,Copy !req
47. but tell him the real tragedy,
Terry.Copy !req
48. Olivia Crawford...Copy !req
49. AKA your main
commish competish.Copy !req
50. tweeted a statement
addressing the water main break,Copy !req
51. and she's been retweeted
by the mayor.Copy !req
52. "Kudos
to our brave officers"...Copy !req
53. Hey, now.
Whoa! What is going on?Copy !req
54. It's in all caps.Copy !req
55. Anyway, I don't see
how this is bad news.Copy !req
56. Because
the commissioner race,Copy !req
57. like all of life,Copy !req
58. is a popularity contest,Copy !req
59. and Olivia is sitting
at the hot senior tableCopy !req
60. whilst you
are eating lunch alone.Copy !req
61. If the mayor wants to make me
the next NYPD commissioner,Copy !req
62. it'll be because of my record
and my qualifications,Copy !req
63. not my social media presence.Copy !req
64. This is a serious job.
I know.Copy !req
65. But like it or not,
the decision is political,Copy !req
66. and social media
is a part of politics now.Copy !req
67. You need a Twitter account.
Not gonna happen.Copy !req
68. The whole thing is inane.Copy !req
69. Besides,
140 characters is far moreCopy !req
70. than anyone needs
to make a point.Copy !req
71. They actually upped it to 280.Copy !req
72. Oh, good God.Copy !req
73. I'm so miserable, Jake.Copy !req
74. The truck is hemorrhaging
money. I'm going bankrupt.Copy !req
75. I never see my family.
All right, look.Copy !req
76. You just have to find a way
to reduce expenses.Copy !req
77. I've started
saving $200 a monthCopy !req
78. just by buying John WickCopy !req
79. instead of renting it
every two nights.Copy !req
80. I have cut costs.Copy !req
81. I fired my only employee, Ted,
which was awful.Copy !req
82. Okay, look,
I hate to ask this,Copy !req
83. but have you considered
shutting the truck down?Copy !req
84. You're always bragging about
how much Boyles love to give up.Copy !req
85. I can't.
I'm in so much debt.Copy !req
86. I took out
a loan for the truck.Copy !req
87. I got Amy to invest.Copy !req
88. No, the only way out of
this hole is to keep digging.Copy !req
89. That's not how holes work,
title of your sex tape...Copy !req
90. Charles, look, you're gonnaCopy !req
91. find your way out of this,
I swear.Copy !req
92. It's all gonna work out.
You're right.Copy !req
93. You know, if I just work hard
and stay positive,Copy !req
94. I'm sure
it'll be a huge successCopy !req
95. and everything will be okay.Copy !req
96. There you go.Copy !req
97. Hello?
Oh.Copy !req
98. Okay.
No, thank you.Copy !req
99. So my truck burned down.Copy !req
100. Hey.Copy !req
101. Someone robbed a bodega
on 4th Street.Copy !req
102. It's the fifth one this week.Copy !req
103. It's so sad that
someone's targeting bodegas.Copy !req
104. They're part of the fabric
of New York.Copy !req
105. You shop at them a lot?
No. They overchargeCopy !req
106. for everything,
and they sell rat poisonCopy !req
107. right next to the bananas.Copy !req
108. Yeah, they're gross.
I hope they never change.Copy !req
109. Anyway,
Holt wants us to interviewCopy !req
110. some of the bodega owners
and figure outCopy !req
111. where to assign
additional uniformed officers.Copy !req
112. I put a map up
on the server...Copy !req
113. No!
Just email it to me.Copy !req
114. I hate servers. Bye!Copy !req
115. Wait. Why'd you close
your laptop so fast?Copy !req
116. What are you hiding?
Nurthing.Copy !req
117. You're hiding something.
What?Copy !req
118. Just 'cause I said "nurthing"?
Yes.Copy !req
119. No!Copy !req
120. Aw, you're looking
at wedding dresses?Copy !req
121. That one's dope.
That's not what I was doing.Copy !req
122. My computer must've gone
to this site on its own.Copy !req
123. How is that possible?
It's broken, Y2K.Copy !req
124. I'll fix it.Copy !req
125. There, it's fixed.Copy !req
126. You're weird.
I know.Copy !req
127. Oh, God.
My truck.Copy !req
128. This truck was my baby!Copy !req
129. All right, look, Charles,
I know you're upset,Copy !req
130. but maybe there's
a silver lining here.Copy !req
131. I mean, you had insurance,
right?Copy !req
132. Yeah. I already called them.Copy !req
133. So maybe you'll get some money
for this,Copy !req
134. and you can pay off your debts,
starting with Amy.Copy !req
135. I'm sorry, that was selfish.
Forget I said it.Copy !req
136. You can pay off your debts,
starting with Amy.Copy !req
137. Whoops, I did it again.Copy !req
138. You're right.
This is my way out.Copy !req
139. It's a miracle.Copy !req
140. Oh, my God!Copy !req
141. Jake? Boyle?Copy !req
142. Adrian.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
143. I'm an insurance
investigator now.Copy !req
144. I thought you were in Alaska.Copy !req
145. Oh, yeah, I was,
after Rosa and I broke up,Copy !req
146. but then I accidentally killedCopy !req
147. a "protected buffalo."
Self-defense.Copy !req
148. Next thing I know,
Fish and Game are all over my ass.Copy !req
149. I ended up in a fight
with a bear,Copy !req
150. and I had to think to myself,
why am I even here?Copy !req
151. Wait a minute.
You fought a bear?Copy !req
152. Big time.
The trick on that,Copy !req
153. head-butt him in the penis,
push him over a cliff.Copy !req
154. Ah, I bet that works
with a lot of animals.Copy !req
155. Only the male ones.Copy !req
156. Learned that the hard way.
Hmm.Copy !req
157. Anyway, you know that
if you guys wantCopy !req
158. to get in touch with me,
there's easier waysCopy !req
159. than burning down your truck,
right?Copy !req
160. What?
Burning down my truck?Copy !req
161. Yeah, it's obviously arson,
you did it,Copy !req
162. you're not gonna get a dimeCopy !req
163. and are probably gonna go
to jail.Copy !req
164. So... What's going on
with you guys?Copy !req
165. Give me that juicy
Nine-Nine goss, am I right?Copy !req
166. This is insane.
I mean,Copy !req
167. Charles loved this truck.
It's his baby.Copy !req
168. There's no way
he'd burn it down.Copy !req
169. The world is
a messed up place, Jake.Copy !req
170. People kill their babies.Copy !req
171. Babies kill their parents.Copy !req
172. It's the circle of life.Copy !req
173. That was clearly a triangle.
Okay, fine, busted.Copy !req
174. I just had the stove's
gas line cleaned.Copy !req
175. Maybe it was put back in wrong
or something.Copy !req
176. Look, I've caught
enough arsonists in my dayCopy !req
177. to know that the owner
always does it.Copy !req
178. Chuck, how's the truck
been doing?Copy !req
179. Pretty terrible.
Hmm?Copy !req
180. I was just saying,
it's a miracle it burned down.Copy !req
181. Okay, I know Charles
sounds hella guilty right now,Copy !req
182. but you know he didn't do it.Copy !req
183. Charles, this isn't
looking good for you.Copy !req
184. Anybody else that might have
done this? Any enemies?Copy !req
185. Well, my dad's
best friend and ICopy !req
186. have a pretty intense rivalry,Copy !req
187. but I don't think my aunt
would do anything illegal.Copy !req
188. Oh, my God.Copy !req
189. Wait.
The rice pudding truck guy!Copy !req
190. Oh, my God.
That bastard Troy.Copy !req
191. We just got into a fight
about this very parking spot.Copy !req
192. He said I'd regret it.Copy !req
193. Yeah, and that's what
happened. You're regretting it!Copy !req
194. Come on, you know
we didn't commit arson.Copy !req
195. Adrian, this is us.
Not the TV show.Copy !req
196. We are your friends.
Not the movie.Copy !req
197. You got to have faith.
Not the song.Copy !req
198. Are you doing this on purpose?Copy !req
199. The third one, yes.
Okay.Copy !req
200. I'll admit, arson does seem
out of character for you.Copy !req
201. Okay, look me in the eyes.Copy !req
202. Look me in the eyes
like the bear did.Copy !req
203. Okay.Copy !req
204. I believe you,
and together,Copy !req
205. we're gonna catch the SOB
that did this.Copy !req
206. I'm so glad he didn't
head-butt me in the penis.Copy !req
207. That's all I was thinking
about.Copy !req
208. Cheddar!Copy !req
209. That's a really good job.
Stay, stay.Copy !req
210. What's going on here?
Why is Cheddar here?Copy !req
211. And why is he in swim trunks?Copy !req
212. Because
the little sailor outfitCopy !req
213. wouldn't fit his tush.
Excuse me?Copy !req
214. We're setting you up
a Twitter account,Copy !req
215. and the fastest way
to get followersCopy !req
216. is cute animal pics.Copy !req
217. I follow an account
that's justCopy !req
218. this one real grouchy
chinchilla.Copy !req
219. He hates waking up so much!Copy !req
220. He really does.
He's like "Ooh!"Copy !req
221. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
222. This has nothing to do
with police work.Copy !req
223. Exactly.
It's about being noticed,Copy !req
224. and right now,
no one is noticing you.Copy !req
225. I didn't even realize
we were talkingCopy !req
226. to a third party, presently.Copy !req
227. Fine. If you really
think it's necessary,Copy !req
228. I will establish
a social media presence.Copy !req
229. But I'll be setting up
my own accounts,Copy !req
230. and I assure you,Copy !req
231. I won't be resorting
to foolish gimmicksCopy !req
232. involving my dog.Copy !req
233. Uh, you might want
to rethink that stance,Copy !req
234. because how cute would Cheddar
look in this hat?Copy !req
235. Please.
When it comes to clothes,Copy !req
236. Cheddar wears little booties
in the snowCopy !req
237. or Cheddar wears nothing.Copy !req
238. Troy's not home,
but I say we wait.Copy !req
239. I have some hard questions
for that rice pudding bastard.Copy !req
240. So, Adrian, how's life
as an insurance investigator?Copy !req
241. It's amazing.
At Gray Star Mutual,Copy !req
242. they let me do
whatever I want,Copy !req
243. as long as I'm getting that job done,
and you know I am.Copy !req
244. Last week,
I waterboarded a dude.Copy !req
245. Oh, that's not legal.
Doesn't matter.Copy !req
246. I'm not a cop. Anyway,
what's up with you guys?Copy !req
247. Hey, Jake, who you porking?Copy !req
248. Uh, I guess Amy and I
are still...Copy !req
249. I don't want to say it.
Yep.Copy !req
250. Porking.
Yeah, you are. Nice.Copy !req
251. Actually, we got engaged.Copy !req
252. What the hell?
How come I didn't know?Copy !req
253. I thought we were supposed
to be friends.Copy !req
254. Oh, wait a minute.
Did this, like, just happen?Copy !req
255. Well, it was at Halloween.Copy !req
256. Wha... No, that's so long ago!Copy !req
257. Charles, are you just
finding out about this too?Copy !req
258. No, I was there.Copy !req
259. You were there?
Who else?Copy !req
260. Who else got to be
a part of this?Copy !req
261. Nobody, you know, just...Copy !req
262. Holt and...Copy !req
263. Terry and Rosa.
Okay.Copy !req
264. And Hitchcock and Scully.
Seriously?Copy !req
265. And this creepy guy
named Bill.Copy !req
266. Oh, come on!
I'm the creepy guyCopy !req
267. that's supposed to be in stuff
that you have happen.Copy !req
268. Look, you just left town,Copy !req
269. and we don't exactly have
a text relationship...Copy !req
270. How dare you?Copy !req
271. May 10th, I texted you,Copy !req
272. I'm at the Gaga concert,
you here,Copy !req
273. question mark, question mark,
question mark.Copy !req
274. You texted back,
No. Frowny face.Copy !req
275. Look, I've been really busy.
I'm sorry, okay?Copy !req
276. I understand.Copy !req
277. You know, I just didn't hear
about this one thing.Copy !req
278. I mean, I can't imagine
there are any otherCopy !req
279. major milestones
that I've missed.Copy !req
280. Are there?
I mean, Amy's a sergeant.Copy !req
281. No.
And Holt's upCopy !req
282. for commissioner.
Seriously?Copy !req
283. And Dr. Ronald Yee
came to the precinctCopy !req
284. and taught a course
on forensics.Copy !req
285. The Dr. Ronald Yee?Copy !req
286. Mmm-hmm.
Oh, my God!Copy !req
287. Yee was in the building?
Yeah.Copy !req
288. Wow, didn't realize
the Yee news was up thereCopy !req
289. with the other stuff.
Oh, come on, Jake.Copy !req
290. Yee only wrote the book on
forensic facial reconstruction.Copy !req
291. He's a rock star!Copy !req
292. You guys could have texted me,
but, no,Copy !req
293. because I bet you haven't
thought about me onceCopy !req
294. since I dumped Rosa.Copy !req
295. Did you dump her?
You know what?Copy !req
296. I need some air.
I'm storming out.Copy !req
297. I'm storming out!Copy !req
298. So I can spare
four uniformed officersCopy !req
299. to do hourly pass-bys
of the bodegas south of 4th,Copy !req
300. and I'll coordinate
with the, um...Copy !req
301. Hourly pass-bys of the...Copy !req
302. Wait.
What was that?Copy !req
303. That was me talking about
hourly pass-bys.Copy !req
304. Oh, yeah, I heard about
the hourly pass-bys.Copy !req
305. Twice. I meant...Copy !req
306. That subtle side look.Copy !req
307. There was no subtle side look.Copy !req
308. You're right,
'cause it wasn't subtle.Copy !req
309. It was an unsubtle side look
at...Copy !req
310. That dress in the shop.Copy !req
311. Why are you
being such a nut jobCopy !req
312. about looking
for a wedding dress?Copy !req
313. Because being a female
sergeant is difficult.Copy !req
314. I have to work twice as hardCopy !req
315. to gain my officers' respect,Copy !req
316. and looking at girly dresses
isn't going to help.Copy !req
317. Plus, it's a new job,
and I need to make it a priority.Copy !req
318. Dude, I get that,
but if you wantCopy !req
319. a beautiful wedding dress,
you deserve to find one.Copy !req
320. Look, there are
no cops around.Copy !req
321. Nobody's gonna see you.Copy !req
322. Why don't we just
take our break now,Copy !req
323. try one on?Copy !req
324. Okay?
Okay.Copy !req
325. Okay?
Okay.Copy !req
326. Okay?
Okay.Copy !req
327. Hell yeah!Copy !req
328. They are closed.Copy !req
329. We will come back later.
Yeah.Copy !req
330. Where did Adrian go?
He seemed upset.Copy !req
331. Should we be worried?
Always.Copy !req
332. We should always
be worried about him.Copy !req
333. Jake. Look, look.Copy !req
334. Excuse me, Troy Lunniker,
we are...Copy !req
335. I know exactly who you are,
you spot-stealingCopy !req
336. son of a bitch!
I didn't steal your spot!Copy !req
337. You were too slow, you idiot!
You did steal my spot, man.Copy !req
338. You with
the horrible meatballs.Copy !req
339. You should call them
crap balls, man!Copy !req
340. Oh, my food tastes like crap?Copy !req
341. Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Stop.Copy !req
342. Crap balls.
Hey!Copy !req
343. Look, Detective Boyle's truck
burned down.Copy !req
344. Yeah, and you did it.Copy !req
345. You torched my truck,
and you're going to jail.Copy !req
346. Whoa. Someone
burned down your truck?Copy !req
347. I'm sorry, man, but I would
never do anything like that.Copy !req
348. I swear it wasn't me.Copy !req
349. Well, I'd love
to believe you, Troy,Copy !req
350. but I'm afraid we're gonna
need to see some proof.Copy !req
351. Oh, my God,
he had so much proof.Copy !req
352. I can't believe
he was on Cash CabCopy !req
353. at the exact moment
my truck burned down.Copy !req
354. And he did so well.Copy !req
355. He named every member
of the Monkees.Copy !req
356. He even got Tork.
No one gets Tork.Copy !req
357. I know. All right,
so if it wasn't Troy,Copy !req
358. the question is,
who could it have been?Copy !req
359. What's up, jerks?
Ahhh!Copy !req
360. Pimento,
you broke into my house?Copy !req
361. Yeah.
I'm an insurance investigator.Copy !req
362. I can do whatever I want.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
363. I'm working the case.
I'm looking for clues.Copy !req
364. Come on, you already said
Charles couldn't do this.Copy !req
365. I couldn't do it.
That's what I thought.Copy !req
366. But then I realized,Copy !req
367. if you can hide
your engagement from me,Copy !req
368. what else are you capable
of hiding?Copy !req
369. Oh, right.
Arson!Copy !req
370. Come on, don't you think
that's a bit of a stretch?Copy !req
371. Is it?
Lab tests came backCopy !req
372. and said the accelerant used
in the fire was turpentine.Copy !req
373. And look what I found
in Boyle's wife's closet.Copy !req
374. Looks to me
a lot like turpentine.Copy !req
375. Oh, I wouldn't do that.Copy !req
376. Turpentine,
just like I thought.Copy !req
377. That's Genevieve's.
She uses it for her paintings.Copy !req
378. Oh, likely story.Copy !req
379. If that's the case,
then how do you explain thisCopy !req
380. that I found on your fridge?Copy !req
381. My wedding invitation?Copy !req
382. A-ha, so you admit it.Copy !req
383. Invites have gone out,
and I didn't get one!Copy !req
384. Oh, well, well, well.Copy !req
385. Now you both are gonna pay.Copy !req
386. Adrian.
Hey, come on.Copy !req
387. Oh, I thought you were
reaching for a gun.Copy !req
388. Oh, no, my friend.Copy !req
389. This is much worse than a gun.Copy !req
390. This is a stamp,Copy !req
391. a stamp that says...Copy !req
392. Denied.Copy !req
393. Your claim is denied.Copy !req
394. Do you really think
the insurance companyCopy !req
395. will replace Adrian as the
investigator on my case?Copy !req
396. Yeah. It's Gray Star Mutual.Copy !req
397. "Where the feeling is mutual."Copy !req
398. And right now we're feeling
like we want a new investigator.Copy !req
399. Okay.
Hi, I'm Travis.Copy !req
400. I've been
reviewing your appeal.Copy !req
401. I understand you have a
problem with Mr. Pimento.Copy !req
402. Yes, we sort of haveCopy !req
403. a complicated
preexisting relationship,Copy !req
404. which I think
is a conflict of interest.Copy !req
405. Okay, I'll be honest,Copy !req
406. we've had some problems
with Mr. Pimento before.Copy !req
407. I think he may have
broken into my apartment once.Copy !req
408. Oh, you'd know. He
leaves a lot of hair behind.Copy !req
409. He's a shedder.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
410. Okay. I'll talk to
my supervisor,Copy !req
411. see what can be done.Copy !req
412. Great. Thank you very much.Copy !req
413. See,
Charles? Things are starting to look up.Copy !req
414. Up your butt!Copy !req
415. Adrian!
What a coincidence.Copy !req
416. We were just
filing a complaint about you.Copy !req
417. You were obviously listening. I
don't know why I'm trying to lie.Copy !req
418. Oh, we're locked in.
Great.Copy !req
419. First you cut me out
of your lives,Copy !req
420. then you try and get me fired?Copy !req
421. My therapist was right
about you guys.Copy !req
422. You're a couple of dinguses.Copy !req
423. You have a therapist?Copy !req
424. Yeah, he's helping me work on
my rotator cuff.Copy !req
425. Oh, I see,
it's a physical therapist.Copy !req
426. Oh, he's very physical,
Charles.Copy !req
427. Very physical.Copy !req
428. So what do you think?Copy !req
429. Mmm, I don't love the sash.Copy !req
430. But it's fine.
I'm just gonna get it.Copy !req
431. What? That's the first one
you tried on.Copy !req
432. I once saw you look at 54
different accordion foldersCopy !req
433. and not buy any of them
due to weak tabs.Copy !req
434. I file hard.
I need strong tabs.Copy !req
435. I just don't want to take up
any more time.Copy !req
436. Your break's not even
a quarter done.Copy !req
437. I'll stay another 10 minutes.Copy !req
438. You'll stay
until I dismiss you.Copy !req
439. Irene, music.Copy !req
440. Now spin.Copy !req
441. All units,Copy !req
442. attempted 1030-Charlie.Copy !req
443. Bodega on Smith.Copy !req
444. Perp is heading east
on Baltic.Copy !req
445. That's us!
We're on Baltic.Copy !req
446. Oh, crap.
That was him!Copy !req
447. Hey!Copy !req
448. NYPD, stop!Copy !req
449. Hey!Copy !req
450. Stay down!
Damn, Sarge.Copy !req
451. Maybe I do like the sash.Copy !req
452. Sir, brace yourself.Copy !req
453. Olivia Crawford
just tweeted a postCopy !req
454. of an officer
carrying a womanCopy !req
455. through knee-deep
flood waters.Copy !req
456. Spoiler alert,
they are of different races.Copy !req
457. Terry teared up.Copy !req
458. I love when calamity brings
people together.Copy !req
459. Sir, it got another retweet
from the mayor.Copy !req
460. It got a retweet
from the governor.Copy !req
461. Well, I have already set up
my accounts,Copy !req
462. and not to toot my own bugle,Copy !req
463. but I think I did
an admirable job.Copy !req
464. Oh, okay, what's your handle?
I'll be your first follower.Copy !req
465. It's @5261796d6e6420486f6c74.Copy !req
466. It spells "Raymond Holt"
in hexadecimal code.Copy !req
467. Clever, right?
Captain, are you sureCopy !req
468. you wouldn't like some help
with this?Copy !req
469. Oh, no need.
Now, for my first tweet,Copy !req
470. I think I should give an
update on the water main breakCopy !req
471. that's actually informative.Copy !req
472. "NYC H20-Main SITREP:
at 2040 EDTCopy !req
473. "current PSI 456
MAX CAP 204000 LPM."Copy !req
474. Suck on that tasty lemon drop,
Olivia Crawford.Copy !req
475. Oh, look at that. An alert.Copy !req
476. I'm probably trending already.Copy !req
477. What? My account
has been deactivated?Copy !req
478. Twitter thinks you're a bot.Copy !req
479. Why?
I am a human.Copy !req
480. I am a human male.Copy !req
481. Adrian, open up.Copy !req
482. Get out of here, Travis!Copy !req
483. Come on, Adrian, admit it.Copy !req
484. You have
a conflict of interest.Copy !req
485. How could I have a conflict
of interest?Copy !req
486. We barely have a relationship.Copy !req
487. We're not even
friends anymore.Copy !req
488. You saw to that, didn't you?
That's crazy.Copy !req
489. We may have lost touch,
but we're still friends.Copy !req
490. Oh, is that right, Jake?
Are we still friends?Copy !req
491. If that's the case, then when
did I lose my virginity?Copy !req
492. Oh, man, you've told usCopy !req
493. so many intense
graphic sex stories.Copy !req
494. I have!
But a true friendCopy !req
495. always remembers
a friend's first.Copy !req
496. Jake, we know this! It's
got to be one of the swamps.Copy !req
497. Uh, Florida swamp
or Okefenokee Swamp or...Copy !req
498. Oh, was it a bayou?Copy !req
499. No, no, no!
I've got it.Copy !req
500. Summer of '91,
at a screeningCopy !req
501. of Robin Hood:
Prince of Thieves.Copy !req
502. Well done.
It was Bryan Adams' soundtrackCopy !req
503. and Kevin Costner's
flawless British accentCopy !req
504. that put us in the mood
to get gross.Copy !req
505. Next question.
Favorite shape?Copy !req
506. Oval?
Of course!Copy !req
507. Favorite scent?
Trick question.Copy !req
508. You lost your sense
of smell in a...Copy !req
509. Shipwreck!Copy !req
510. Guys, we are friends!Copy !req
511. Aw, I love you guys.Copy !req
512. Are you still angry?Copy !req
513. No, that was
a cathartic scream of love.Copy !req
514. Understood.
Good.Copy !req
515. Well, anyways, I'm sorryCopy !req
516. about how things
went down, man.Copy !req
517. We should have
stayed in touch.Copy !req
518. No, it's just as much my fault
as yours.Copy !req
519. I could have kept in touch
with you guysCopy !req
520. and probably should have
told you about my new family.Copy !req
521. Your new what now?Copy !req
522. Ah, Travis.
Great, you're here.Copy !req
523. These gentlemen are innocent
and are free to go.Copy !req
524. You're fired, Adrian.
What?Copy !req
525. And as for you, my supervisor
and I reviewed your case.Copy !req
526. Turpentine is all the proof
we need to deny your claim.Copy !req
527. The feeling wasn't mutual.Copy !req
528. You're so lame,
you know that, Travis?Copy !req
529. Wait a second. Is this
just because I did mollyCopy !req
530. with your daughter?
You did?Copy !req
531. Don't think he knew
about that.Copy !req
532. Just don't ever
come back here again.Copy !req
533. If you do,
I'll have you arrested.Copy !req
534. How dare you?Copy !req
535. I gave you the best two weeks
of my life!Copy !req
536. Oh, guys, I'm so screwed.
We got no leads.Copy !req
537. I'm not gonna get
any of the money back.Copy !req
538. What do we do?Copy !req
539. We go directly
to Travis' house right now,Copy !req
540. pee on everything he owns,Copy !req
541. and then burn that place
to the ground.Copy !req
542. Adrian, that's it.
It is?Copy !req
543. Yes! I knew it!
No, no, no.Copy !req
544. Not anything
about anything you said.Copy !req
545. But, Charles, didn't you just
tell me you fired someone?Copy !req
546. Yeah, Ted.
I took him out to dinner.Copy !req
547. He thought he was getting
a promotion.Copy !req
548. It was a whole thing.Copy !req
549. He wept a lot.
Not as much as me...Copy !req
550. Yeah, but the point is,
he was upset, right?Copy !req
551. And he knew where you liked
to park the truck.Copy !req
552. Uh-huh. And he never gave me
my key back.Copy !req
553. He said he lost it.
You really think it's him?Copy !req
554. I mean,
it's just a hunch, but...Copy !req
555. We should go to his house
and burn it down.Copy !req
556. I was gonna say
we could go investigate.Copy !req
557. Sure, sure, sure.Copy !req
558. And then
burn it to the ground.Copy !req
559. No.
No burning of anything!Copy !req
560. What?
I already got the match lit.Copy !req
561. How?
Let's hurry up and get there.Copy !req
562. Captain, I'm trying to get
your account reinstated,Copy !req
563. but it could take a while.Copy !req
564. They say they have a lot
of Nazi stuffCopy !req
565. on the front burner.Copy !req
566. And when you tweet again,Copy !req
567. you should probably stopCopy !req
568. communicating in numbers, kay?Copy !req
569. There's a 0% chance of that.Copy !req
570. Besides,
I won't be tweeting anymore.Copy !req
571. I just got off the phone
with the headCopy !req
572. of the selection committee.
You did?Copy !req
573. Apparently,
one of the candidates for commissionerCopy !req
574. tweeted a picture
of the water main breakCopy !req
575. and accidentally
included a linkCopy !req
576. to his favorite
pornographic website...Copy !req
577. Mmm.
Cosplay-butts-n-boobs.com.Copy !req
578. Amateur move.Copy !req
579. You should never copy-paste
if you're a perv.Copy !req
580. It's quite the scandal.
The candidate has dropped out.Copy !req
581. It's down to just three
of us now.Copy !req
582. So I guess this proves
I was right all along.Copy !req
583. Social media.
It's a fool's gameCopy !req
584. and only a fool would play.Copy !req
585. Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.Copy !req
586. And why is Cheddar wearing
a beret?Copy !req
587. Uh...Copy !req
588. Kevin saw your photos
and was amused,Copy !req
589. so we started an Instagram
account for Cheddar,Copy !req
590. who now has
over 14,000 followers.Copy !req
591. Hoo-whee!Copy !req
592. It's an incredible feeling.Copy !req
593. This is insulting.Copy !req
594. First you fire me
in front of my family.Copy !req
595. Ooh, Charles,
his family was at the dinner?Copy !req
596. It was not well-handled.Copy !req
597. Now you accuse me of arson.Copy !req
598. Just get out of my garage.
Hey, Ted?Copy !req
599. How come you have
all this turpentine?Copy !req
600. And this plastic bag filled with
matches and magnesium strips.Copy !req
601. I found it buried
under the back porch,Copy !req
602. and I'm no expert,
but it seems likeCopy !req
603. that's the kind of stuff you'd
use to light a fire, right?Copy !req
604. Oh, there he goes.Copy !req
605. Say it with me, Jake.Copy !req
606. You've been...Copy !req
607. Denied!
Butt-slammed!Copy !req
608. Wait, what?
Denied, like the stamp?Copy !req
609. Oh, that is so much better.Copy !req
610. "Butt-slammed" is so stupid.Copy !req
611. Oh, is that the wedding dressCopy !req
612. from the Erica Somerfield
2018 fall collection?Copy !req
613. No way, the bodice
is totally different.Copy !req
614. Why do you two know so much
about wedding dresses?Copy !req
615. They're the only thing
you can look at around hereCopy !req
616. with safe search on!Copy !req
617. All right, that's enough.Copy !req
618. Can we all get back
to police workCopy !req
619. and stop talking
about wedding dresses?Copy !req
620. No.
We're gonna talk about them,Copy !req
621. because while wearing
a wedding dress,Copy !req
622. you leapt over a couch,Copy !req
623. sprinted down an alley,
and jumped off a carCopy !req
624. to subdue the crap out of a perp
like you were Wonder Woman.Copy !req
625. It was pretty cool, wasn't it?Copy !req
626. Amy, you are an amazing cop
and a great leader,Copy !req
627. and you have proven that
a billion times over.Copy !req
628. You can't let other people's
opinions get in the wayCopy !req
629. of what you want, especially
because other people suck.Copy !req
630. Well, if I'm being honest,Copy !req
631. I would like a prettier dress.
There you go.Copy !req
632. And I would like it
to have some lace.Copy !req
633. Uh-huh.
And a sweetheart neckline,Copy !req
634. thank you very much.
What else?Copy !req
635. And I want a mermaid cut
with tulip sleeves.Copy !req
636. Say it again.
Say it loud.Copy !req
637. A mermaid cut
with tulip frickin' sleeves!Copy !req
638. Pimento's here!
All right!Copy !req
639. Thanks so much
for that text, man.Copy !req
640. That meant a lot.
The one that said,Copy !req
641. "Want to grab a
drink tonight?" Yeah.Copy !req
642. Hey, Boyle, did you get
that insurance payout?Copy !req
643. Yes, I am out
of the food truck business,Copy !req
644. and I no longer start
spontaneously weeping.Copy !req
645. Nice.Copy !req
646. Listen,
I'm sorry you got fired.Copy !req
647. Oh, don't worry about it.
I got myself fired, all right?Copy !req
648. Plus, doesn't matter.
I got a way better job now.Copy !req
649. I'm working at one of those
fancy hand lotion stores.Copy !req
650. Spoiler alert,
I have a gun again,Copy !req
651. and I've gotten to use it
three times.Copy !req
652. You would be surprised
how often teenage girlsCopy !req
653. try and shoplift
mango hand cream.Copy !req
654. Huh.
But it smells great!Copy !req
655. I love it.
I can get you some.Copy !req
656. Well, listen, man,
I've got something for you.Copy !req
657. Really? For me?Copy !req
658. It's an invitation
to my wedding.Copy !req
659. Aw, Jake, I am so honoredCopy !req
660. and would love to be...Copy !req
661. Oh, nope, I can't make this.Copy !req
662. This is the same night
as Lady Gaga.Copy !req
663. Oh, thank God.
I didn't run it by Amy,Copy !req
664. so this worked out great
for both of us!Copy !req
665. But honestly,Copy !req
666. nobody's gonna come to this,Copy !req
667. because everybody's
gonna be at Gaga.Copy !req