1. - Oh hello.Copy !req
2. Guys, guys, guys, check it out.Copy !req
3. Hitchcock fell asleep
in the break room,Copy !req
4. So i put his hand
in a bowl of warm water.Copy !req
5. - Come on, man.
That's the stupidest prank ever.Copy !req
6. - Uh, no, it's the smartest
because it involves biology.Copy !req
7. I bet it worked already.
Let's go check.Copy !req
8. Hitchcock, no!
- He's drowning, he's drowning!Copy !req
9. - Save him, man!Copy !req
10. - I take it back, jake.
Great prank.Copy !req
11. - Is everyone packed
for the 28th annualCopy !req
12. Tri-state police officers
convention?Copy !req
13. I hear bill powell's giving
a lecture on advancesCopy !req
14. In appellate court
e-filing techniques.Copy !req
15. Phew, talk about "can't miss."Copy !req
16. - Yeah, we don't really go
for the talks.Copy !req
17. We're more interested
in the extracurriculars.Copy !req
18. Fart-five.Copy !req
19. - Of course, rochester has much
to offer in that sphere.Copy !req
20. For instance,
it's famed thermometer museum.Copy !req
21. - Thermometer museum?
Uh, no thanky.Copy !req
22. Here's what a-we are all about.Copy !req
23. One, free hotel rooms.Copy !req
24. - I get to sleep
in a bed by myself.Copy !req
25. No wife, no kids,Copy !req
26. Just terry starfishing
on a cal king.Copy !req
27. - Two, a huge hall
full of cool police tech.Copy !req
28. - Last year,
i got to try out a heat ray.Copy !req
29. - Three, the buffalo p.D.
Always throws an insane party.Copy !req
30. Last year,
amy got so drunk,Copy !req
31. She jumped a police horse
into the pool.Copy !req
32. - Eight-drink amy is
an equestrian,Copy !req
33. And she's real bad at it.Copy !req
34. - This isn't an excuse
for you to party.Copy !req
35. This is a police convention,
not the newport folk festival.Copy !req
36. - Come on, sir.
It's been a hard year.Copy !req
37. I mean, frankly,
we could all use a partyCopy !req
38. To blow off some steam.Copy !req
39. First we were
on the night shift,Copy !req
40. Then the precinct
almost got shut down.Copy !req
41. - I got hit by a bus.Copy !req
42. - Well,
we have been through a lot,Copy !req
43. But, frankly,
our reputation has taken a hit.Copy !req
44. That's why
i'm running for a seatCopy !req
45. On the convention's
board of directors.Copy !req
46. If i win, it will look good
for the precinct.Copy !req
47. So please don't do anything
to jeopardize that.Copy !req
48. Understood?Copy !req
49. Dismissed.Copy !req
50. - That's a big ole bummer.Copy !req
51. - All right, everybody,
just relax.Copy !req
52. We're still gonna have
a great time.Copy !req
53. If there's one thing i know,
it's how to sneak out to a partyCopy !req
54. Without your parents
finding out.Copy !req
55. I used to do it all the time.Copy !req
56. Well, i did it a few times.Copy !req
57. Once, to go to a
The gathering tournament.Copy !req
58. I got stuck in the window
like winnie-the-pooh.Copy !req
59. There, okay?
Now you know everything.Copy !req
60. My mom had to pull me back in
by my ponytail.Copy !req
61. All right, let's party!Copy !req
62. - What is taking so long
with those keys?Copy !req
63. I gotta hit that pillow top.
It's starfish o'clock.Copy !req
64. - Guys, guys, they're here.
Hey, hey, what's up b.P.D.,Copy !req
65. Aka buffalo party department.Copy !req
66. that is gold.Copy !req
67. You guys coming tonight, right?Copy !req
68. - Obviously, it's the only
reason any of us are cops.Copy !req
69. - All right, detectives,
here are your room assignments.Copy !req
70. Uh—wait a minute.
What's going on here?Copy !req
71. You guys planning a party?
- What?Copy !req
72. No, we're just debatingCopy !req
73. Our favorite parts
of the conference.Copy !req
74. He likes his q&a's moderated.Copy !req
75. I like mine unmoderated.Copy !req
76. - Why is that?
- I just—Copy !req
77. I'm just...Copy !req
78. Sick of the moderator bias.Copy !req
79. - I couldn't agree more.
Your story checks out.Copy !req
80. see you at the party.Copy !req
81. Let's check out some tech.Copy !req
82. ooh, look.Copy !req
83. This is a long-range
heart beat detector.Copy !req
84. You can hear a human pulse
through walls.Copy !req
85. - Oh, i am so sorry.
- Oh, whoa.Copy !req
86. - Excuse me.Copy !req
87. - Oh, my god,
it's like a she-scully.Copy !req
88. - I'm, hi.
Uh, norm.Copy !req
89. Uh, who are you?
- Shatz.Copy !req
90. Uh, cindy shatz.Copy !req
91. - Scully, shake her hand.
- Oh, uh, here i go.Copy !req
92. Meet to please you, shatz.
- Your hands are so clammy.Copy !req
93. - I ate a bunch of clams earlier
and they still smell.Copy !req
94. - No, that's not what she meant.
- No, it was.Copy !req
95. Anyway, it was so nice
to meet you.Copy !req
96. - Why?Copy !req
97. - Okay, uh, i'll see you around.Copy !req
98. - Guys, i was just talking
to that amazing womanCopy !req
99. And i blacked out.
Did i get her number?Copy !req
100. - No, you chunked it.
- Ugh, of course i did.Copy !req
101. I'm not hitchcock
when it comes to the ladies.Copy !req
102. - You don't wanna be.
- Oh, he's fearless.Copy !req
103. I once saw him ask out
a breastfeeding mother.Copy !req
104. - Ooh, look.Copy !req
105. It's a robot that can patrol
an empty building all by itself.Copy !req
106. oh, no, this is how it starts.Copy !req
107. It's skynet all over again.
Here, let's wait here a secondCopy !req
108. And see if our future selves
show upCopy !req
109. And tell us to destroy it.Copy !req
110. Nope.
Looks like we're in the clear.Copy !req
111. It's kind of cute.
- Hey, check it out.Copy !req
112. It's called the wasp.Copy !req
113. It's for dispersing crowds
of young people.Copy !req
114. It emits a sound that you can
only hear if you're 35 or under.Copy !req
115. - ah, i also hate the soundCopy !req
116. That i definitely hear.
- Me too.Copy !req
117. It's so high-pitched
or low-pitched.Copy !req
118. Oh, that was bogus
to the extreme.Copy !req
119. - So bogus
and not tubular.Copy !req
120. My ears are ringing
from the pain of being young.Copy !req
121. - Ugh, so not gnarly.Copy !req
122. - Captain, you missed
the tech expo.Copy !req
123. We got all this swag.Copy !req
124. Six tote bags.
Terry can tote anything.Copy !req
125. Look, point at something,
i'll tote it.Copy !req
126. - Oh, no.Copy !req
127. Hold still.Copy !req
128. I'm gonna hide behind you
like you're a tree.Copy !req
129. - Uh, why are you doing that?Copy !req
130. - On the other side
of your trunk,Copy !req
131. Is the worst person
i've ever met.Copy !req
132. Captain jeffrey bouché,
the living embodiment of evil.Copy !req
133. - Raymond holt?
As i live and breathe.Copy !req
134. You have not aged a day.Copy !req
135. So how's kevin?
How's cheddar?Copy !req
136. Come on.
Tell me everything.Copy !req
137. - Kevin is fine.
Cheddar is a dog.Copy !req
138. He has no concept
of good or bad.Copy !req
139. - I wouldn't be
so sure about that.Copy !req
140. He's a very clever dog.Copy !req
141. Hey, i wanted to tell you
that i am also runningCopy !req
142. For the board of directors.
- You are what?Copy !req
143. - Yeah, i had no idea
that you were running,Copy !req
144. But, listen, it doesn't matter
'cause you're gonna win anyway.Copy !req
145. I mean, you're ray holt.Copy !req
146. But look, i gotta go.
I will see you soon.Copy !req
147. - I hope not.Copy !req
148. - You're being a little harsh
on him, captain.Copy !req
149. - I've been up for promotions
against that manCopy !req
150. On six occasions,Copy !req
151. And he's prevailed
every single time.Copy !req
152. Why?
Because he's a snake.Copy !req
153. - Isn't it possible
he gets promotionsCopy !req
154. Because he's nice
and people like him?Copy !req
155. - Please, i hate
to say this about anyone,Copy !req
156. Let alone a fellow officer,Copy !req
157. But that man is
full of balone-nya.Copy !req
158. - "baloney."
- you're right.Copy !req
159. He's so vile,
we should useCopy !req
160. The crude americanization
of the word.Copy !req
161. He's full of baloney.Copy !req
162. - Holt went to bed earlyCopy !req
163. 'cause his big speech is
in the morning.Copy !req
164. - Well, how do you know
he's in for the night?Copy !req
165. - Because his breakfast order
is hanging on the doorknob.Copy !req
166. Water, comma, hot.Copy !req
167. Muffin, comma, english.Copy !req
168. And that means it's time
for us to hard, comma, party.Copy !req
169. Hey, what happened?
- Sorry, bro, they busted us.Copy !req
170. - 'cause the party got
too crazy?Copy !req
171. - Yeah, totally.
- They've been taking bribes.Copy !req
172. - No, it was because
of the party.Copy !req
173. That's what you should
tell everyone.Copy !req
174. - Oh, no.Copy !req
175. The party's not happening.Copy !req
176. That means we're justCopy !req
177. In a hotel in rochester.
This is a nightmare.Copy !req
178. - I learned a bunch
of new dance moves for tonight.Copy !req
179. Ones where you move your butt.
- Ugh, screw this.Copy !req
180. I'm gonna get a ride back
to brooklyn with some drifter.Copy !req
181. - No, we came here
to blow off steamCopy !req
182. And we're not gonna give up yet
'cause we're the nine-nine.Copy !req
183. We're gonna take matters into
our own hands nine-nine style.Copy !req
184. That's right, my friends.Copy !req
185. The nine-nine
is throwing a big—Copy !req
186. Can i borrow $200 for alcohol?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
187. - Okay, i talked to some
of the vendors at the tech expo,Copy !req
188. And they agreed to hook us up
for the party.Copy !req
189. Check it out.
Disco lights,Copy !req
190. Sound system,
and...Copy !req
191. Beer cooler.Copy !req
192. Leak-free, insolated body bag.Copy !req
193. Our beer is dying to get inside.Copy !req
194. - I don't know, man.Copy !req
195. Holt didn't want us
going to a party,Copy !req
196. He certainly doesn't
want us throwing one.Copy !req
197. - Oh, poor, simple terry.Copy !req
198. For such a bemuscled specimen,Copy !req
199. You certainly do
frighten easily.Copy !req
200. I promise you,
holt won't find out.Copy !req
201. His room is all the way
across the hotel from ours.Copy !req
202. He insisted so he'd have
a view of the rochester skyline.Copy !req
203. - Ah, drink it in, peralta.Copy !req
204. The mustard city.Copy !req
205. - Besides,
if he does leave his room,Copy !req
206. My new partner will warn me.Copy !req
207. - New partner?
- K-13.Copy !req
208. - Hello.
- It's a robot!Copy !req
209. I can program it
to wait outside holt's door,Copy !req
210. And if there's any movement,
it'll send us an alert.Copy !req
211. - All right, i'm in,Copy !req
212. But only because your robot
is so cool.Copy !req
213. - I don't know.
It's not that cool.Copy !req
214. I mean, all he's doing
is standing guard.Copy !req
215. I mean, i could do that.
- Awesome, if you do that,Copy !req
216. Then k-13 can come to the party.Copy !req
217. i am programmed
to boogie my butt.Copy !req
218. - No, i'm going to the party.Copy !req
219. People prefer me over a robot.Copy !req
220. Right?Copy !req
221. - Hey, going pretty good, right?
- Hell, yes.Copy !req
222. It's like a bonnie raitt concert
in here.Copy !req
223. - No.
- Hey.Copy !req
224. We're about to do
the taser challenge,Copy !req
225. You guys want in?
- What's the taser challenge?Copy !req
226. - We tase each other,
then drink.Copy !req
227. - How do you win?
- What are you, a lawyer?Copy !req
228. You want in or not?
- Yeah, terry.Copy !req
229. What're you, a lawyer?
It's tasers.Copy !req
230. Get tased at a party, man.
Come on.Copy !req
231. - She's here.
She's here.Copy !req
232. Cindy shatz is here.
What do i do?Copy !req
233. My face is so wet
and my mouth is so dry.Copy !req
234. - Okay, calm down.Copy !req
235. Remember, be direct.Copy !req
236. Women don't like
to play a lot of games.Copy !req
237. - I think we gotta
start simpler.Copy !req
238. Okay, scully, smile at her,
don't fart.Copy !req
239. - He knows not to—
oh, you're writing that down.Copy !req
240. - This is good stuff.
What else you got?Copy !req
241. - Don't talk about
your foot fungus.Copy !req
242. Don't talk about
your eye fungus.Copy !req
243. Let's just say "fungus"
is off the table.Copy !req
244. - Oh, no, see you just wrote
the word "fungus" downCopy !req
245. And i feel like we're barreling
towards a misunderstanding.Copy !req
246. - Draw a circle around it
and then put a line through it.Copy !req
247. There you go.
- Believe in yourself.Copy !req
248. Be confident.
You're a sweet guyCopy !req
249. With a big heart.
- It's the size of a giraffe's.Copy !req
250. Pushes on my other organs.
- Okay, you got this.Copy !req
251. Don't talk about
the giraffe heart.Copy !req
252. All right, get outta here!Copy !req
253. - Hi, cindy.
- Hey.Copy !req
254. - So guess what my eye and foot
have in common?Copy !req
255. - What?Copy !req
256. - Uh...Copy !req
257. I can't say.Copy !req
258. Well, bye.Copy !req
259. chug!Copy !req
260. - Jake, this party is insane.
Forget bonnie raitt,Copy !req
261. It's like the video
to "love shack" in here.Copy !req
262. - This is the greatest.Copy !req
263. Oh, god.
It's my new partner.Copy !req
264. - You guys are texting
each other now?Copy !req
265. - It sends alerts.Copy !req
266. Holt left his room.
He's on his way here.Copy !req
267. - Well, we gotta get everyone
out of the hallway.Copy !req
268. All right, be quiet!
Everybody, be quiet!Copy !req
269. - They're not listening to you.
Where's amy?Copy !req
270. She's great at shushing.Copy !req
271. - Wait, all of these dum-dums
are under 35.Copy !req
272. Let's use the wasp.
- No.Copy !req
273. It'll hurt my young,
little ears so much.Copy !req
274. - Ah, come on.Copy !req
275. - Attention,
our boss is headed this way.Copy !req
276. Everyone has
to clear the hallway right now.Copy !req
277. - Shh!Copy !req
278. - wow, she is great at shushing.Copy !req
279. - I know,
she's like a librarian.Copy !req
280. - You mean,
like a sexy librarian?Copy !req
281. - No, a regular one.Copy !req
282. - Everyone,
you will go in the roomsCopy !req
283. And you will go right now.Copy !req
284. Don't make me count to three.Copy !req
285. - Shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
286. - Hey, captain, what's up?Copy !req
287. - Uh, which room is
sergeant jeffords?Copy !req
288. - Oh, terry's in here
with me and amy.Copy !req
289. You know, we're just having
a low-key nightCopy !req
290. Watching
"house hunters international."Copy !req
291. This orthodontist really wants
to live in panamaCopy !req
292. With his strangely old wife
and won't say why.Copy !req
293. - Can i talk to him?
- Uh, let me check.Copy !req
294. - Shh, shh.Copy !req
295. - Yeah, no, he's asleep.
Can i help you with something?Copy !req
296. - I'm concerned
that my presentation isn't,Copy !req
297. Uh, "jazzy" enough
to compete with jeffrey's.Copy !req
298. He's such a showman.
- Yeah.Copy !req
299. - I'm thinking about
augmenting the graphsCopy !req
300. With, um...Copy !req
301. Color.
- Sir.Copy !req
302. - I know.
I'm debasing myself.Copy !req
303. Anyway, give this to jeffords.
He's the artist.Copy !req
304. I'd like him to choose the, um—Copy !req
305. - Color?
- Yes.Copy !req
306. - All right.
Oh, time to turn in.Copy !req
307. Nighty, night.Copy !req
308. Okay, he's gone.Copy !req
309. Now just gotta wait for k-13
to give us the all clear.Copy !req
310. - Yeah, i wouldn't
hold your breath.Copy !req
311. Dumb robot probably rolled
into the stairwell.Copy !req
312. That's why you shouldn't be
best friends with this tin can.Copy !req
313. - K-13 says we are g-2-g.
Amy?Copy !req
314. - The shush is lifted.
Party time!Copy !req
315. - Beer me!Copy !req
316. - Yeah!Copy !req
317. Mm, hey, captain.Copy !req
318. - Are you just waking up?
It's 11:00 a.M.Copy !req
319. no, no, i'm just tiredCopy !req
320. 'cause, um, i worked out
so much this morning.Copy !req
321. - Ah.
- You know, squat 400Copy !req
322. On the bench push fitness
and whatnot.Copy !req
323. What's up?
- I need my laptop.Copy !req
324. I wanna practice my speech
with the new colors beforehandCopy !req
325. So i'm not alarmed
when they pop up.Copy !req
326. - Right, right.
Um, i know that terryCopy !req
327. Definitely did do that work,Copy !req
328. So i'll just go grab 'em.
- Okay.Copy !req
329. - Uh, you wait here.
You can't come in because...Copy !req
330. Amy's nakedCopy !req
331. And she's embarrassed
of her weird body.Copy !req
332. Terry.
Terry.Copy !req
333. Terry. Terry.Copy !req
334. Why's my tongue so big?Copy !req
335. - Because you're a big person.Copy !req
336. Holt is here.
He wants his presentation.Copy !req
337. - The presentation!
I didn't do it.Copy !req
338. Okay,
i just need to add color.Copy !req
339. It'll only take two minutes.Copy !req
340. Stall him.
- Okay, no problem.Copy !req
341. I'm definitely got two minutes
worth of stall material.Copy !req
342. Okay, sarge will be right out.Copy !req
343. In the mean time,
why don't you and i just chat,Copy !req
344. You know,
for a couple minutes about...Copy !req
345. Brumpst.Copy !req
346. - Brumpst?Copy !req
347. - Hold on.Copy !req
348. I couldn't stall him,
he's too good,Copy !req
349. It's not my fault.Copy !req
350. Where are you
on the presentation?Copy !req
351. - Jake, holt's laptop
isn't here.Copy !req
352. It's gone.Copy !req
353. - Where are you on my graphs?
The presentation isCopy !req
354. In 90 minutes.
- I'm definitely all done,Copy !req
355. But i'm worried, if you're going
up against jeffrey,Copy !req
356. Will color be enough?Copy !req
357. I was thinking,
slide transitions.Copy !req
358. - Oh, good grief.Copy !req
359. Very well.
You may add cross dissolves.Copy !req
360. But so help me god, jeffords,
if i see even one star wipe—Copy !req
361. - I just need a half an hour.
- Perhaps i should supervise.Copy !req
362. - No, you should
clear your head.Copy !req
363. Work out.
Rosa was just headed to the gym.Copy !req
364. She'll keep you there.
Be right back.Copy !req
365. Rosa, i need you
to workout with holtCopy !req
366. For the next half hour.
Cool?Copy !req
367. - great.Copy !req
368. I'll get your sneakers.Copy !req
369. - This is invigorating,
isn't it?Copy !req
370. - I can't believe you lost
the captain's laptop.Copy !req
371. You were kind of
out of control last night.Copy !req
372. - I was not.Copy !req
373. Although, pretty sure
my ribs are broken,Copy !req
374. And i think i'm wearing
a pillowcase i cut holes inCopy !req
375. As a shirt.
- We have to think.Copy !req
376. Does anyone remember having
the laptop?Copy !req
377. - Wait, we all left the room
and went somewhereCopy !req
378. And i didn't want
to leave the computer behindCopy !req
379. With so many strangers,
so i took it!Copy !req
380. - Yes, charles, you're a genius.Copy !req
381. All right, we gotta split up
and search the hotel.Copy !req
382. Wait a minute.
Why is my shoe all wet?Copy !req
383. The pool!Copy !req
384. - Damn it.
No sign of the laptop.Copy !req
385. What were we doing here?Copy !req
386. - Look, there's jake's shirt.
It looks burnt.Copy !req
387. - Because i was on fire.
Hence the pillow shirt.Copy !req
388. It's all coming back to me.Copy !req
389. I'm a human torch!Copy !req
390. Nope, it was just
that one memory.Copy !req
391. This was a dead end.Copy !req
392. - I remember
why you were on fire.Copy !req
393. The state troopers
brought fireworks.Copy !req
394. - Yes.
We're unraveling the mystery.Copy !req
395. It's like we're detectives.
- We are detectives.Copy !req
396. - Right.
Another thing we remembered.Copy !req
397. This is going great.Copy !req
398. - Oh, raymond.Copy !req
399. Of course you have beaten me
to the gym.Copy !req
400. You live life right.
It's amazing.Copy !req
401. - Workout your legs, jeffrey.
Not your mouth.Copy !req
402. you are hilarious.Copy !req
403. I am so psyched for your
presentation to the board.Copy !req
404. I'm sure it's gonna be amazing.
- I'm gonna crush youCopy !req
405. Like a can
of diet seltzer water.Copy !req
406. - I don't doubt it.
Well, i'm off to do some squats.Copy !req
407. - Dumbass.Copy !req
408. - Okay, so this is definitely
where we set off the fireworks,Copy !req
409. But still no laptop.Copy !req
410. - How did i catch on fire?Copy !req
411. - Oh, no,
i just remembered something.Copy !req
412. Terry feels bad.Copy !req
413. what the hell was that?Copy !req
414. Ah!Copy !req
415. - Ah!Copy !req
416. - Hence the chest pain,Copy !req
417. But what was that loud crash?Copy !req
418. - I think that
might have been me.Copy !req
419. See you in hell, partner.Copy !req
420. - You killed her?Copy !req
421. - Her?
Oh, my god, it was a her.Copy !req
422. You were replacing amy, not me.Copy !req
423. What have i done?
- Wait, the robot has a camera.Copy !req
424. Maybe she saw
who took the laptop.Copy !req
425. There's the laptop bag.
- You think you'reCopy !req
426. So much better than me.Copy !req
427. You're right.
- I'm just gonna fast forward.Copy !req
428. - Oh, hey, robot.Copy !req
429. I got something really cool
to show you on the balcony.Copy !req
430. I think you're
really gonna like it.Copy !req
431. Oh, you're heavy.Copy !req
432. - Fast forward.
- Did you guys see that?Copy !req
433. He put the bag down
behind the plant.Copy !req
434. - Let's go.Copy !req
435. Is it there?
Is it there?Copy !req
436. - It's here!
- We did it!Copy !req
437. We found the bag!Copy !req
438. Oh, wait, hungover.
No spinning.Copy !req
439. No spinning.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
440. - [sighs, exhales]
i'm good.Copy !req
441. - oh, hey, hey!Copy !req
442. - Oh, scully.Copy !req
443. You bummed about cindyCopy !req
444. Or you just feel at home
in a body bag?Copy !req
445. - We use the same
medicated powder.Copy !req
446. I could smell it.Copy !req
447. She's my soul mate, amy.
- So she doesn't like you.Copy !req
448. It happens.
I mean, not to me,Copy !req
449. But not everyone has
my combinationCopy !req
450. Of elegance and charm
and grace and poise,Copy !req
451. And then just gif-ability.
Some would say "jif,"Copy !req
452. But then some would
also say "syrup."Copy !req
453. - Wait, what if we could
give scully our personalities?Copy !req
454. he would love that.Copy !req
455. - We could talk to him
through an earpieceCopy !req
456. And tell him what to say.
- Okay,Copy !req
457. But can we attach
a string to it?Copy !req
458. Last time i wore an earpiece,
it fell in.Copy !req
459. - How you doing, scully?
- Nervous.Copy !req
460. I can feel my legs.
That never happens.Copy !req
461. Something's wrong.
- Okay, just go up to herCopy !req
462. And repeat what we say.Copy !req
463. - i wasn't gonna—
- hi, there.Copy !req
464. - Scully, hey.Copy !req
465. Cindy, there's something
i want to say to you.Copy !req
466. - The moment i first saw you...Copy !req
467. - You took my breath away.Copy !req
468. Whenever i'm around you...Copy !req
469. - My heart beats faster.Copy !req
470. I know you're
going home today...Copy !req
471. But i couldn't let you
leave without asking you out.Copy !req
472. - Cindy shatz...
- Cindy shatz...Copy !req
473. - Can i buy you a drink?
- Can i buy you a drink?Copy !req
474. - No, i'm sorry.Copy !req
475. I'm not interested.Copy !req
476. - What?
- No.Copy !req
477. - Guys, earpiece fell in.Copy !req
478. - What on earth
took you so long?Copy !req
479. - Yeah, where the frigging hell
were you?Copy !req
480. - I was trying
to get the colors right,Copy !req
481. But in the end,Copy !req
482. I decided to just go with
your original black and white.Copy !req
483. - It's probably even
one color too many.Copy !req
484. Anyways, in you go.Copy !req
485. Looking good, diaz.Copy !req
486. - Bite me.
- Okay.Copy !req
487. - Uh, hello,
i'm captain raymond holt,Copy !req
488. And if i have the pleasure
of joining your board,Copy !req
489. Here are some of the things
that i would do.Copy !req
490. - See?
It all worked out.Copy !req
491. We threw a wild party with
absolutely zero consequences.Copy !req
492. - jake, something's wrong.Copy !req
493. - Oh, um...Copy !req
494. Oh, i don't know how that
got in there or what it is.Copy !req
495. Um, i'll just, uh—next slide.Copy !req
496. Well, that's strange.
Next slide.Copy !req
497. Next.
Next.Copy !req
498. Oh, i see what's happening here.Copy !req
499. Uh, due to an issue
with the internet cloud,Copy !req
500. You are seeing
a series of picturesCopy !req
501. That have nothing to do with meCopy !req
502. Or the 99th precinct.Copy !req
503. - I don't get it.
Who even took these pictures?Copy !req
504. - I did.Copy !req
505. You guys should really be
a lot more carefulCopy !req
506. About leaving laptops
lying around.Copy !req
507. For next year.Copy !req
508. - Consequences.Copy !req
509. - My, oh, my.
Boyle, can you even tell meCopy !req
510. What is happening
in this picture?Copy !req
511. - Uh, that's me doing
a jean-claude van damme splitCopy !req
512. Between two beds.Copy !req
513. I had to wear my underwear
for flexibility.Copy !req
514. - Mm-hmm, and, uh, santiago?Copy !req
515. - I believe that
is me throwing upCopy !req
516. Into a pillow case.
- Uh-oh.Copy !req
517. - You have all embarrassed
the precinct.Copy !req
518. Now when people think
of the nine-nine,Copy !req
519. They'll think of, um...Copy !req
520. Oh, detective diaz filling
an iron with tequila.Copy !req
521. - So i could make tequila steam.Copy !req
522. - I can quite believe
i'm gonna say this,Copy !req
523. But i'm sorry i even came
to rochester.Copy !req
524. - Hey, it's all right, scully.Copy !req
525. We'll find a way
to make it up to him.Copy !req
526. - Ah, it's not about him, jake.Copy !req
527. I'm just sad because
i'm an unlovable sack of fungus,Copy !req
528. And i'm gonna be alone forever.Copy !req
529. - Oh, um...Copy !req
530. Hey, there's
probably someone out there for—Copy !req
531. - We got this.
- Oh, thank god.Copy !req
532. - Wow, pint of milk
on the rocks.Copy !req
533. Real scully move.
- Can i help you?Copy !req
534. - Hi, we're friends of scully's,Copy !req
535. And we're not sure
why you rejected him?Copy !req
536. - Now, we know
scully's not perfect,Copy !req
537. His hands smell like clams,
and, yeah,Copy !req
538. Over 75% of his body has died,
and—Copy !req
539. - Gina, you can stop
listing things.Copy !req
540. - Point is,
he's a good guy.Copy !req
541. You should give him a chance.Copy !req
542. - I know, when i first meet him,
i was intrigued,Copy !req
543. But then mr. Confident
showed up,Copy !req
544. I'm not interested in that.Copy !req
545. Confident people
are mean and selfish.Copy !req
546. - Wait, you liked
awkward scully?Copy !req
547. Giraffe-heart scully?Copy !req
548. - Oh, my god,
he has a giraffe heart?Copy !req
549. Aww, i bet it pushes
on his organs.Copy !req
550. We'll be back in five minutes.
Wait right here.Copy !req
551. Bartender,
can you top off her milk?Copy !req
552. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
553. - You wanna hear a joke?
- Okay.Copy !req
554. - I don't know any jokes.
I should go.Copy !req
555. - Oh, that's okay.
I don't know any jokes either.Copy !req
556. - I slept in a body bag
last night.Copy !req
557. - Whoa.
- They're so cute.Copy !req
558. Oh, no, scully, don't put
your finger in her mouth.Copy !req
559. Oh, she likes it.Copy !req
560. - Captain, i'm sorry
that things got out of hand,Copy !req
561. But you can still be
on the board.Copy !req
562. I read 85 pages
of the convention bylaws,Copy !req
563. And—
- that was unnecessary.Copy !req
564. I don't wanna be on the board.
- But i read bylaws.Copy !req
565. - I wanna show you
a picture from last nightCopy !req
566. That really upset me.
- Okay,Copy !req
567. But in my defense,
rosa bet me 50 centsCopy !req
568. That i couldn't drink
all that shampoo.Copy !req
569. - That's not what i wanted to—
you drank shampoo?Copy !req
570. - What?
No.Copy !req
571. You're the one farting bubbles.Copy !req
572. - This is what i wanted
to show you.Copy !req
573. Do you know
what disappoints me mostCopy !req
574. About this about this picture?
That i'm not in it.Copy !req
575. I can't remember the last timeCopy !req
576. I saw the nine-nine so happy,Copy !req
577. And i wasn't there.
- 'cause you were workingCopy !req
578. On your presentation
to get us a win.Copy !req
579. - Yeah, well,
it wasn't a real win.Copy !req
580. I wish i had been in that photo.
- I know,Copy !req
581. And i'm sorry you didn't
have more fun this weekend.Copy !req
582. But it's not over,Copy !req
583. And we are still in rochester.Copy !req
584. - What are you saying?Copy !req
585. - I think you know
what i'm saying.Copy !req
586. - What a thermometer.Copy !req
587. Look at the mercury reservoir
on that mamacita.Copy !req
588. Oh, peralta, this is amazing.
I'm floating on air.Copy !req
589. - Hey, everybody,
get in for a picture.Copy !req
590. Excuse me, sir.
Can you take a picture of us?Copy !req
591. - Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.Copy !req
592. - Everybody say
daniel gabriel fahrenheit.Copy !req
593. daniel gabriel fahrenheit.Copy !req
594. - Not a doctor.
Shh.Copy !req