1. - Attention. I've been asked
to read this statement.
Copy !req
2. "two months ago,
gina linetti was hit by a bus,
Copy !req
3. "and the brightest star
in the cosmos was extinguished.
Copy !req
4. "but today,
like a phoenix from the ashes,
Copy !req
5. She rises to vanquish"...
Copy !req
6. This is ten pages.
Copy !req
7. I can't read it.
Copy !req
8. Gina's doctor said it was okay
Copy !req
9. For her to come back
to work today.
Copy !req
10. Here she is.
Copy !req
11. - Thank you.
Copy !req
12. As much pain as I've been in,
Copy !req
13. I can't imagine
what it's been like for you—
Copy !req
14. Living in a gina-less world
for two months.
Copy !req
15. I'll field some questions now.
Anyone?
Copy !req
16. - Uh, how long do you have to
wear the—the...
Copy !req
17. metal—the head holder—
Copy !req
18. - It's called a halo.
Copy !req
19. The doctor said I have to wear
it for another week.
Copy !req
20. It's drilled
into my skull here.
Copy !req
21. And, yes, I can still hear the
screws squeaking into the bone.
Copy !req
22. - So what was it like
getting hit by a bus?
Copy !req
23. - It was awesome.
- Ah, I knew it.
Copy !req
24. I always wanted
to get hit by a bus.
Copy !req
25. - Yeah, I mean, I was legally
dead for two full minutes.
Copy !req
26. And I met god.
- Tight.
Copy !req
27. What does she look like?
- Ethnically ambiguous.
Copy !req
28. - You took two weeks off
Copy !req
29. When kourtney
and scott disick broke up.
Copy !req
30. Are you sure you're ready
to be back at work now?
Copy !req
31. - What are you saying, terry?
Copy !req
32. You think I can't handle
being back yet?
Copy !req
33. watch this.
Copy !req
34. - Gina linetti
is back, baby!
Copy !req
35. - Sorry I'm late. I was
on a call with one police plaza.
Copy !req
36. Apparently crime in brooklyn
is down significantly.
Copy !req
37. which means
Copy !req
38. They'll be permanently closing
one precinct.
Copy !req
39. - What?
- We celebrated too soon.
Copy !req
40. - An auditor
will arrive shortly.
Copy !req
41. He'll evaluate us
on crime stats,
Copy !req
42. Physical plant,
fiscal responsibility.
Copy !req
43. There are 22 other precincts
in brooklyn,
Copy !req
44. So we just don't want to rate
at the bottom.
Copy !req
45. - Are they gonna be looking
in our desks?
Copy !req
46. Also, unrelated—
Copy !req
47. Someone left a bunch of swords
in my desk.
Copy !req
48. - I have a similar question
about browser histories.
Copy !req
49. - Just throw your computer away.
- Roger that.
Copy !req
50. - The auditor will start
by joining peralta and santiago
Copy !req
51. On their gang stakeout
because—
Copy !req
52. - They're
america's dream couple.
Copy !req
53. - You need to calm down.
We're in a workplace.
Copy !req
54. Because their case
is a good example
Copy !req
55. Of the type of serious crime
that still exists
Copy !req
56. In our neighborhood.
Copy !req
57. So—oh.
Copy !req
58. Looks like the auditor is here.
Copy !req
59. - Isn't that teddy—
Copy !req
60. Amy's ex-boyfriend?
- Yep.
Copy !req
61. - Jake,
didn't you break them up?
Copy !req
62. - Yep.
Copy !req
63. - Amy, didn't you tell him
to his face
Copy !req
64. He was
the most boring man alive?
Copy !req
65. - Yep.
- This is gonna be awkward.
Copy !req
66. Yep.
- We had a good run.
Copy !req
67. - Let's not panic just yet.
Copy !req
68. Maybe he doesn't remember us
ruining his life
Copy !req
69. And stomping
all over his heart.
Copy !req
70. - hey, everyone.
Copy !req
71. I'm sergeant wells.
Copy !req
72. Jake, amy, nice to see you.
Copy !req
73. - Teddy, nice to see you, too.
Copy !req
74. Excited to have you
in the field with us.
Copy !req
75. - Good. I just hope
I don't bore you to death.
Copy !req
76. - Ah, what?
Copy !req
77. Yeah. What's that?
The crime phone is ringing?
Copy !req
78. We have to answer it.
Come on, amy.
Copy !req
79. Brb.
- Okay.
Copy !req
80. - Why'd you have to say
he was boring?
Copy !req
81. - Because he is boring.
Copy !req
82. His favorite app
on his phone is "contacts."
Copy !req
83. - He's gonna shut
this place down,
Copy !req
84. And we're gonna get shipped off
to separate precincts.
Copy !req
85. I don't think our relationship
can survive that.
Copy !req
86. - I mean, even if we
don't work together,
Copy !req
87. We can still be a couple.
Copy !req
88. - If I don't see you every day,
I will forget who you are.
Copy !req
89. I'm like a goldfish.
Copy !req
90. - Standing
in the briefing room—
Copy !req
91. A space that is approximately
50 feet by 40 feet.
Copy !req
92. Actually, you know what?
55 feet by 40 feet.
Copy !req
93. No, 52 feet by 41 feet.
Copy !req
94. I'll just look at the blueprints
at the city planner's office.
Copy !req
95. Hello, weekend plans.
Copy !req
96. - Sergeant wells, have you been
to other precincts yet?
Copy !req
97. How'd they do?
Copy !req
98. - Well, you know,
everyone's got their issues.
Copy !req
99. - That's too bad.
Copy !req
100. I want all my brothers
in the nypd to do perfectly.
Copy !req
101. The seven-four is corrupt.
You didn't hear it from me.
Copy !req
102. - You know what? We're just
looking to eliminate waste.
Copy !req
103. - I assure you,
you'll find zero waste here.
Copy !req
104. - Really?
Because I did notice
Copy !req
105. During my preliminary
examination
Copy !req
106. That you recently purchased
a $21,000 copy machine?
Copy !req
107. - Well, that machine saves money
in terms of man-hours.
Copy !req
108. Uh, if you excuse me,
sergeant wells,
Copy !req
109. We need to go to the brb.
Copy !req
110. It's brb time.
We're brb-ing.
Copy !req
111. Make space.
- You make space!
Copy !req
112. This closet is for people
who are freaking out.
Copy !req
113. - Oh, I'm fully
freaking out.
Copy !req
114. I just experimented with
an unfamiliar acronym in public.
Copy !req
115. Brb—what does it even mean?
- Be right back.
Copy !req
116. - It has the same number
of syllables as the acronym.
Copy !req
117. What's the point?
Copy !req
118. - Teddy knows
about the fancy japanese copier
Copy !req
119. That c.J. Bought—
Copy !req
120. The one that broke
the first time we used it.
Copy !req
121. Is it supposed to do that?
Copy !req
122. It was not supposed
to do that.
Copy !req
123. - Is this where people
are freaking out?
Copy !req
124. Because we are freaking out.
Copy !req
125. - Teddy dinged the one-five
for having roaches.
Copy !req
126. - So what?
We don't have roaches.
Copy !req
127. Our rats ate all of them.
Copy !req
128. - That's the problem.
We have rats.
Copy !req
129. - Right, right, right, right,
that's worse.
Copy !req
130. - Oh, god, they're gonna shut
this precinct down
Copy !req
131. And separate me and jake.
Copy !req
132. Our friendship is over.
Copy !req
133. If he doesn't see my face every
day, he'll forget who I am.
Copy !req
134. He's like a goldfish.
Copy !req
135. This is all your fault.
Copy !req
136. You just had to sleep
with teddy, didn't you?
Copy !req
137. You couldn't keep it
in your pants.
Copy !req
138. - Come on, charles.
- He's right, santiago.
Copy !req
139. Your libido
has endangered us all.
Copy !req
140. - excuse me, guys, coming in.
Copy !req
141. - Wait. Gina, you sure
you can fit in?
Copy !req
142. - I'm sorry. Because of my
injury, I can no longer fit in?
Copy !req
143. - No, I meant physically.
Copy !req
144. - I'll have you know,
Copy !req
145. I am physically as strong
as I've ever been—
Copy !req
146. Stronger even.
Copy !req
147. I'm gina linetti,
and I can do anything, okay?
Copy !req
148. Excuse me, please.
Excuse me.
Copy !req
149. Oh, yeah,
this is too crowded.
Copy !req
150. Shouldn't have wasted my speech
on this moment.
Copy !req
151. - To the evidence room.
Copy !req
152. You two need to figure out
Copy !req
153. How to patch things up
with teddy.
Copy !req
154. - He's still upset
that I called him boring.
Copy !req
155. We just have to pretend
that he's interesting.
Copy !req
156. I got pretty good at it
while we were dating.
Copy !req
157. We just have to smile and nod
Copy !req
158. And agree with whatever
he said last.
Copy !req
159. - Great.
Hey, wait a minute.
Copy !req
160. - I'm still not sure
Copy !req
161. Who the second-best "die hard"
villain is, though, you know?
Copy !req
162. Probably jeremy irons.
Copy !req
163. But maybe it's timothy olyphant,
or it could be william atherton.
Copy !req
164. - Definitely the last one.
- Right?
Copy !req
165. - No, I really think
it's william atherton.
Copy !req
166. - Okay.
Copy !req
167. - We have to engage him
on topics that he cares about.
Copy !req
168. Pilsners—he loves talking
about pilsners.
Copy !req
169. Oh, my god. Just saying the word
gives me ptsd.
Copy !req
170. - Pilsner-tsd.
Copy !req
171. - Good one.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
172. - Pull yourself together
Copy !req
173. And go out there
and make teddy feel
Copy !req
174. Like he's the most interesting
man on earth.
Copy !req
175. I want him to think
he's andy borowitz
Copy !req
176. When this is all done.
- On it.
Copy !req
177. We'll go there and make him feel
like whoever that person is.
Copy !req
178. Let's go.
Copy !req
179. - Okay, now what we need to do
is fix that infernal copier.
Copy !req
180. Jeffords, you did a year abroad
in tokyo.
Copy !req
181. Maybe you can figure out
the manual. It's in japanese.
Copy !req
182. - I can try, but the only thing
I really remember how to say
Copy !req
183. Is, "do you have a bigger door
I can enter through?"
Copy !req
184. - Bring me solutions,
not problems.
Copy !req
185. Now, what do we do
about the rats?
Copy !req
186. - Well, lucky for us,
Copy !req
187. I have recently come into
a lot of wolf urine.
Copy !req
188. - That's lucky for us how?
Copy !req
189. - It creates a scent impression
that there are predators nearby.
Copy !req
190. I've been dousing
nikolaj's shoes with it
Copy !req
191. To scare off bullies
at his preschool.
Copy !req
192. - Did it work?
- No, now they call him pee boy.
Copy !req
193. He's much worse off.
Copy !req
194. But wolf urine
definitely scares off rats.
Copy !req
195. We can use it to herd them
toward the traps.
Copy !req
196. - What about me?
Like, what should I do?
Copy !req
197. - I just thought
maybe you could take it easy.
Copy !req
198. It's your first day and—
- I'll have you know,
Copy !req
199. I am as strong physically
as I have ever been—
Copy !req
200. Stronger even.
- You already did this.
Copy !req
201. - Yeah, I have
short-term amnesia.
Copy !req
202. I got hit by a bus.
Copy !req
203. But don't worry. I am as strong
physically as I have ever been—
Copy !req
204. Stronger even.
Copy !req
205. - Fine. You can help me
with the copier.
Copy !req
206. - detectives have chosen
an adequate location
Copy !req
207. For their stakeout.
Copy !req
208. - Teddy, how's it going, my man?
Copy !req
209. Nice to see you. I'm glad we get
to spend this time together.
Copy !req
210. I haven't seen you since—
- you broke me and amy up.
Copy !req
211. - Maybe.
Probably not.
Copy !req
212. Who can say when people
last saw people?
Copy !req
213. - Anyway, that's the hq
for the 8th street killas.
Copy !req
214. We think they're meeting up
with leaders of another gang
Copy !req
215. To possibly merge
organizations.
Copy !req
216. - Detectives demonstrate
Copy !req
217. A passable knowledge
of their operation.
Copy !req
218. - Cool. So, hey, we might be
here for a while.
Copy !req
219. Can I offer you a beverage?
- Ooh.
Copy !req
220. Diet ginger ale—
that is my favorite.
Copy !req
221. Actually, I shouldn't.
It'll make me all hyper.
Copy !req
222. - Suit yourself.
Too bad we're on the job, right?
Copy !req
223. Could've stocked that thing
with pilsners.
Copy !req
224. - You like pilsners?
- Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
225. I kills for the pils.
Copy !req
226. I'm a total pils-nerd.
Copy !req
227. - What's your poison—
german or bohemian?
Copy !req
228. - The last one that you said.
- Good choice.
Copy !req
229. - The last one always is.
Wow. This is fun.
Copy !req
230. I could talk with you
about pilsners all day.
Copy !req
231. - Oh, let's do it.
Copy !req
232. Of the bohemians,
what's your fave?
Copy !req
233. - Scharfen... Grelderbrau.
Copy !req
234. It's new.
Millennials love it.
Copy !req
235. - Cool.
Let me make note of that.
Copy !req
236. Just caught detectives s and p
in a bald-faced lie.
Copy !req
237. You don't like pilsners.
You hate pilsners.
Copy !req
238. You think they're boring,
and you still think I'm boring.
Copy !req
239. - No. No lie.
Copy !req
240. Detectives s and p
didn't lie.
Copy !req
241. Detectives s and p no lie.
Copy !req
242. - Sergeant, please tell me
Copy !req
243. This malfunctioning copier
isn't gonna sink our precinct.
Copy !req
244. - I figured out
how to turn it on,
Copy !req
245. But the screen just shows
a cartoon turtle sobbing.
Copy !req
246. - Perhaps it's a paper jam.
Copy !req
247. - And what about when
the little sushi roll comes out
Copy !req
248. And cuts
the turtle's head off?
Copy !req
249. - Toner issue.
- Why?
Copy !req
250. Anyway, I started
taking it apart,
Copy !req
251. But it's been a slow process
for some reason.
Copy !req
252. - Hey, captain, I'm glad
you're here to see this.
Copy !req
253. I'm just about
to drink my tea.
Copy !req
254. Terry.
Copy !req
255. can't even tell
I was hit by a bus.
Copy !req
256. That's how independent I am.
Copy !req
257. - Well, perhaps boyle and diaz
Copy !req
258. Have made more progress
with the rats.
Copy !req
259. - We've made
absolutely no progress.
Copy !req
260. It took forever
to bait the traps
Copy !req
261. Because scully kept eating
the peanut butter out of them.
Copy !req
262. - You can't prove
it was me, rosa.
Copy !req
263. - Now we're gonna use
the wolf urine
Copy !req
264. To flush the rats out
of the walls and into our traps.
Copy !req
265. - That's where I come in.
I'm going up in the ceiling.
Copy !req
266. - Why are you dressed like that?
- Mobility.
Copy !req
267. It's a good thing
I still have
Copy !req
268. My sexy-cat costume
from halloween.
Copy !req
269. - I really don't think
Copy !req
270. You were the target audience
for that item.
Copy !req
271. - There is nothing gendered
about a sexy cat.
Copy !req
272. Now, please hand me that big jug
of wolf pee I rub on my kid.
Copy !req
273. - Okay, teddy, let's not
evaluate rashly here, all right?
Copy !req
274. It's a misunderstanding.
Copy !req
275. We're not saying
pilsners are boring.
Copy !req
276. We're saying
that we are too boring
Copy !req
277. To appreciate them properly—
Copy !req
278. Is what I'm going with.
- Jake, I agree with you.
Copy !req
279. Pilsners are boring. That's why
I don't drink them anymore.
Copy !req
280. - Say what now?
- Amy was right.
Copy !req
281. When we were going together,
I was boring.
Copy !req
282. It took our breakup
for me to realize that.
Copy !req
283. - So you're not
still mad at me?
Copy !req
284. - No, no, no, you changed me.
I found my wild side.
Copy !req
285. My girlfriend and I
do 5ks now.
Copy !req
286. We took a two-week trip
to san diego last year.
Copy !req
287. The energy of that place
is electric.
Copy !req
288. - But back at the precinct,
you said,
Copy !req
289. "I hope I don't bore you
to death."
Copy !req
290. that was a joke.
Copy !req
291. Humor is the tool
of the interesting.
Copy !req
292. - Right. A tool that you
have clearly mastered.
Copy !req
293. - Ooh, get this—
my lady turned me on
Copy !req
294. To something called
adult coloring books,
Copy !req
295. Which we do at—wait for it—
Copy !req
296. Jazz brunches.
What?
Copy !req
297. - Aha. Wow. It's like brunch
is crazy enough on its own,
Copy !req
298. Then you throw jazz in the mix.
Copy !req
299. It's like, "why are we even
doing this?"
Copy !req
300. - Oh, my god, that is—
Copy !req
301. This is fun. I have not laughed
this much in a long time.
Copy !req
302. - Twice.
Copy !req
303. - Reminder—invite jake and amy
to jazz brunch tomorrow.
Copy !req
304. - Uh, reminder—
we're in.
Copy !req
305. - Good. But I am actually gonna
email you the invite,
Copy !req
306. If you could just rsvp
to that.
Copy !req
307. I'd feel better if everyone
had it on their calendars.
Copy !req
308. - Copy that.
We all have calendars.
Copy !req
309. So that'll work out great,
'cause we all have one.
Copy !req
310. - How's it going
with the copier?
Copy !req
311. - Not great.
Copy !req
312. I got through
to customer service,
Copy !req
313. But I really don't remember
that much japanese.
Copy !req
314. - Hey, captain.
Update on the rat situation.
Copy !req
315. Wolf pee's in place,
Copy !req
316. And the traps are set
in the evidence room.
Copy !req
317. - I thought we were luring them
into the break room.
Copy !req
318. - No, gina needed it
for meditation.
Copy !req
319. you are strong. You are wise.
Copy !req
320. You will have your revenge
on all new york city buses.
Copy !req
321. - Everything else is good?
- Not quite.
Copy !req
322. We have a charles situation.
Copy !req
323. - Well, how stuck
are you, boyle?
Copy !req
324. - Completely.
Copy !req
325. My tail seems to have gotten
knotted around a sprinkler.
Copy !req
326. I think I can pull it.
Copy !req
327. - No, that might break
the pipe.
Copy !req
328. The last thing we need
is a flood.
Copy !req
329. - That's okay. I'm sure
you'll have me down in no time.
Copy !req
330. - Incorrect. That would make
a hole in the ceiling.
Copy !req
331. You're there till monday.
Copy !req
332. We'll bring you some food
in a bucket.
Copy !req
333. - Sir, I really think—
Copy !req
334. - He'll be fine.
Copy !req
335. - Guava juice, mango juice,
Copy !req
336. Orange juice, of course,
Copy !req
337. Grapefruit juice,
and cranberry juice.
Copy !req
338. - Jazz brunch sounds insane.
Copy !req
339. But should we talk
about how efficient and well run
Copy !req
340. The nine-nine is
for a while?
Copy !req
341. - We got plenty of time
for that.
Copy !req
342. I'm gonna hit
the little boys' room.
Copy !req
343. When I get back,
remind me to tell you
Copy !req
344. All about
the omelet-bar station.
Copy !req
345. - We will.
- You bet.
Copy !req
346. - Spoiler alert...
Copy !req
347. Two kinds of bell pepper.
Copy !req
348. - oh, my god, he's so boring.
Copy !req
349. - He's so boring.
- Most boring man in america.
Copy !req
350. - And that's him
trying to be interesting.
Copy !req
351. That is spring break teddy.
Copy !req
352. - How did you ever date him?
Copy !req
353. - Oh, no, he has
a really big wiener, doesn't he?
Copy !req
354. Wait. Don't tell me
if that's true, unless it's not.
Copy !req
355. No, but then if you don't say
anything, I'll know that it is.
Copy !req
356. Oh, why aren't you saying
anything about his wiener, amy?
Copy !req
357. - Jake.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Copy !req
358. I don't want to hear
about your ex's wiener.
Copy !req
359. Just—you're not making me
feel better.
Copy !req
360. Why would you do this to me?
- Jake, stop spiraling.
Copy !req
361. - Every time you shake me,
I see it flopping around.
Copy !req
362. - Stop. Oh, look,
there's our gang leader.
Copy !req
363. - Seriously?
Copy !req
364. Wow. Perfect timing,
successful stakeout.
Copy !req
365. There's no way
that sergeant boring big wiener
Copy !req
366. Will shut us down now.
Copy !req
367. - Shh. I think I hear teddy.
- You didn't answer.
Copy !req
368. - Forgot the old phonester.
Copy !req
369. I like to go through my contacts
while I go pee.
Copy !req
370. - So you only need to use
one hand—that's great.
Copy !req
371. - Oh, look,
it was still recording.
Copy !req
372. - Like, recording recording?
Copy !req
373. - Yeah.
Copy !req
374. - Oh, this is bad.
- What? What's wrong?
Copy !req
375. Oh, my god.
It was recording the whole time.
Copy !req
376. We said all that bad stuff.
Copy !req
377. Sorry. I was so preoccupied
with the wiener stuff.
Copy !req
378. Oh, this is bad.
Copy !req
379. But while I have you,
just stop me.
Copy !req
380. - I know accepting teddy's
jazz-brunch invite
Copy !req
381. Was the only way
to get his phone back
Copy !req
382. And save the nine-nine,
Copy !req
383. But this place
is literally hell.
Copy !req
384. - She's doing jazz
about brunch.
Copy !req
385. Maybe it's not too late
to get out of here.
Copy !req
386. We could start a new life
in the country,
Copy !req
387. Maybe open
a small bookstore.
Copy !req
388. - How dare you tempt me
with a small bookstore?
Copy !req
389. We need to focus.
- Okay.
Copy !req
390. - Look, teddy's over there.
Copy !req
391. Oh, and he's
in fun, casual wear.
Copy !req
392. His phone is out on the table,
like it always is,
Copy !req
393. Because he fears the radiation
will affect his testicles.
Copy !req
394. - Which are connected
to his average-sized...
Copy !req
395. - Jake.
- Right. It's misshapen.
Copy !req
396. That's all that matters.
Copy !req
397. All right, here's the plan—
we stage a fight.
Copy !req
398. It escalates, and I flip over
the table in dramatic fashion.
Copy !req
399. - Do we need
the table flip?
Copy !req
400. - Amy, when the opportunity
presents itself
Copy !req
401. To flip-a da table,
uh, you flip-a da table.
Copy !req
402. - And in the chaos,
you grab his phone,
Copy !req
403. Delete the recording,
and we're golden.
Copy !req
404. - Perfect. All right,
let's stage a fake fight.
Copy !req
405. This'll be fun, right?
Copy !req
406. Pretending like we have things
to be mad at each other about.
Copy !req
407. - Jake's chronic tardiness,
his slobbiness,
Copy !req
408. And the fact
that he wasted half the morning
Copy !req
409. Deciding what sneakers
to wear—
Copy !req
410. Those are just some
of the reasons we're late.
Copy !req
411. No one cares
about your sneakers, jake.
Copy !req
412. - Yeah, very convincing.
Copy !req
413. - We're just glad
you guys made it.
Copy !req
414. This is rachel,
my girlfriend.
Copy !req
415. - Hi.
Copy !req
416. So teddy said you guys
had such a blast
Copy !req
417. At the stakeout.
- Yes, it was incredible.
Copy !req
418. Can I really quickly just say
the real reason we were late
Copy !req
419. Was that amy insisted
Copy !req
420. On brushing her teeth
for 30 minutes?
Copy !req
421. - Two minutes or one minute,
58 seconds longer than you did.
Copy !req
422. Anyway, can we please
just talk to our friends?
Copy !req
423. - Wow. Fine.
- Fine.
Copy !req
424. So, rachel...
- Hmm?
Copy !req
425. How did you guys meet?
- Oh.
Copy !req
426. Such a wild story.
Copy !req
427. So I was on an elevator...
Copy !req
428. And so was teddy.
Copy !req
429. - Oh, that's the whole story.
- I think it's romantic.
Copy !req
430. I remember when our relationship
had magic moments like that
Copy !req
431. Before it went stale.
Copy !req
432. - Stale?
- Mm.
Copy !req
433. - Okay, you want
some action, jackson?
Copy !req
434. Well, how about I make
a scene?
Copy !req
435. - whoa.
Copy !req
436. What are you doing?
- Flip-a-ing de table.
Copy !req
437. It's bolted down.
- Oh, what a shock.
Copy !req
438. You tried something
and failed.
Copy !req
439. - Okay, you know what?
That's it.
Copy !req
440. I'm gonna slide it
right off!
Copy !req
441. I am so sorry.
I got carried away.
Copy !req
442. I will now clean this up
entirely by myself.
Copy !req
443. - No—
- no, please keep your eyes
Copy !req
444. On me as I make
this sincere apology.
Copy !req
445. I am sorry.
Copy !req
446. - It's okay. Something crazy
always happens at jazz brunch.
Copy !req
447. It's the wild west.
Copy !req
448. - Oh, man, teddy,
look what happened.
Copy !req
449. Your phone landed
directly in this glass of oj.
Copy !req
450. - That seems
almost impossible.
Copy !req
451. - "almost" being the key word,
Copy !req
452. But it happened for real,
and we all know it.
Copy !req
453. There you go.
Copy !req
454. - That's it.
You've gone too far.
Copy !req
455. I am storming off now.
Copy !req
456. - No, you've gone too far,
and I'm storming off now!
Copy !req
457. - There's something
I'd like to show you, captain.
Copy !req
458. - Terry... Crushed... It.
Copy !req
459. It works!
Copy !req
460. - I've never been more proud of
you for anything in your life.
Copy !req
461. - I mean, I've solved
a lot of cases for you.
Copy !req
462. - And yet crime
has continued.
Copy !req
463. - I think we've done it,
captain.
Copy !req
464. Just heard the traps go off.
Want to come check with us?
Copy !req
465. - Of course. How's boyle doing?
- He's fine.
Copy !req
466. You know how quickly he submits
to his environment.
Copy !req
467. - Where are the rats?
Copy !req
468. - There's blood everywhere.
This is a horror scene.
Copy !req
469. - They must've chewed
themselves free.
Copy !req
470. - Detective diaz,
what was in that box?
Copy !req
471. - It's from a closed case
in 1986,
Copy !req
472. When they busted the guy
that dealt to the new york mets.
Copy !req
473. - My god, those rats have eaten
the purest cocaine
Copy !req
474. In the history
of this city.
Copy !req
475. - They know no fear
or pain.
Copy !req
476. And look!
They're back in the walls.
Copy !req
477. Boyle!
Copy !req
478. - Ah! The rats chewed
through the sprinkler pipe.
Copy !req
479. - They're coked up.
Get out of there.
Copy !req
480. - They think I'm a cat.
Copy !req
481. - Boyle, be careful
of the ceiling.
Copy !req
482. Submit to them!
Copy !req
483. - Tell jake I never panicked.
Copy !req
484. Aah!
Copy !req
485. - My copier!
- My precinct!
Copy !req
486. - Charles!
Copy !req
487. Charles?
Copy !req
488. - Aah! They survived the fall!
Copy !req
489. Run!
Copy !req
490. - That was fun. We're really
good at fake fighting.
Copy !req
491. And you were amazing
at coming up
Copy !req
492. With all that stuff
to be mad about.
Copy !req
493. - Yep, totally,
I just said all that stuff
Copy !req
494. To save the precinct,
and that's all.
Copy !req
495. - Oh, my god. You don't
actually care about my sneakers.
Copy !req
496. - No!
Copy !req
497. I care about them deeply.
Copy !req
498. They're all so different.
Copy !req
499. - Okay.
Copy !req
500. - Hey, guys, it's teddy
from jazz brunch.
Copy !req
501. - Hey, teddy.
Copy !req
502. It's teddy from jazz brunch.
Copy !req
503. Why is he here?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
504. But the fake fight's
back on.
Copy !req
505. So shut it, you bigmouthed bitch
and your stupid sneakers!
Copy !req
506. - If you don't like my shoes,
you can just tell me.
Copy !req
507. - Hi. Can I talk to you guys
about something?
Copy !req
508. - Actually, teddy,
this is not a good time.
Copy !req
509. We're still having
a pretty big fight.
Copy !req
510. - Well, I think what I'm about
to say may solve things.
Copy !req
511. Amy, I'm still in love with you.
- What?
Copy !req
512. - What?
- What?
Copy !req
513. - Uh-oh.
Copy !req
514. Jazz.
Copy !req
515. - Okay. Okay, everybody
just calm down
Copy !req
516. And take a deep breath.
Copy !req
517. What the hell
is going on, man?
Copy !req
518. - Yeah, what the hell
is going on?
Copy !req
519. You've got a girlfriend.
- I know.
Copy !req
520. And she's fine.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
521. - Sorry.
I was really planning
Copy !req
522. On you being
in the cab during this.
Copy !req
523. - Okay,
that wouldn't make it better.
Copy !req
524. - No.
- Amy, I'm just—
Copy !req
525. I'm not over you yet,
Copy !req
526. And I would've never said
anything,
Copy !req
527. Because I thought
you and jake were happy,
Copy !req
528. But after seeing you
at jazz brunch,
Copy !req
529. I think I might've been wrong.
- Don't read into that.
Copy !req
530. That was a freak argument.
We are very happy.
Copy !req
531. - Amy, we have
all the same interests.
Copy !req
532. We have so much chemistry.
Copy !req
533. When we're together,
Copy !req
534. It's like, no matter
where we are, it's san diego.
Copy !req
535. - I feel compelled to tell you
that san diego's terrible.
Copy !req
536. - I'm gonna lay it
all on the line.
Copy !req
537. Amy santiago...
Copy !req
538. Will you marry me?
Copy !req
539. What?
- What?
Copy !req
540. - Okay, really, could you stay
in the cab?
Copy !req
541. I'm sorry.
I'll be right there. I promise.
Copy !req
542. Or maybe I won't.
What's your answer?
Copy !req
543. - Teddy, I don't want to be
with you.
Copy !req
544. - But you want to be with him?
You guys have nothing in common.
Copy !req
545. - Oh, yeah?
Tell that to william atherton—
Copy !req
546. The man we both
consider to be
Copy !req
547. The second-best
"die hard" villain.
Copy !req
548. she meant it.
Copy !req
549. - And also, yes,
we are different people,
Copy !req
550. But I love that about us.
Copy !req
551. I love that jake's
a little messy
Copy !req
552. And that he cares so much
about his dumb sneakers
Copy !req
553. And he doesn't get stressed out
about calendars.
Copy !req
554. - Or flossing my teeth.
- No, the non-flossing is crazy.
Copy !req
555. - Copy that,
and I love you.
Copy !req
556. - I'm just so confused.
Copy !req
557. Your fight was like something
out of a movie.
Copy !req
558. - Teddy...
- No.
Copy !req
559. - I have to tell you
the truth.
Copy !req
560. - No. Amy is dying.
Copy !req
561. She has one month to live.
Copy !req
562. Marrying her would be
a waste of time.
Copy !req
563. - Jake and I were only
pretending to fight
Copy !req
564. So that we could destroy
your phone.
Copy !req
565. While we were on the stakeout
and you were in the bathroom,
Copy !req
566. We said you were
the most boring man in america,
Copy !req
567. And your phone recorded it.
Copy !req
568. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
569. We didn't want you to get mad
at us and fail the precinct.
Copy !req
570. - Wow.
You guys are the worst.
Copy !req
571. - Well, you just proposed
in front of your girlfriend,
Copy !req
572. So potato, po-tah-to.
Copy !req
573. - Amy, I loved you.
Copy !req
574. All right,
I'm ready to go, rachel.
Copy !req
575. Should we hit up
the tenement museum?
Copy !req
576. no!
Copy !req
577. - I talked to nypd facilities
Copy !req
578. To see if they could get
an emergency cleanup crew
Copy !req
579. Out to us this afternoon.
Copy !req
580. I received
their standard response.
Copy !req
581. - This is on you, boyle.
Copy !req
582. You couldn't just suck it up
and let a few dozen crazed rats
Copy !req
583. Eat you until
their hearts exploded?
Copy !req
584. - Don't blame boyle.
Copy !req
585. The rats only got
into the cocaine
Copy !req
586. Because you put the traps
in the evidence room.
Copy !req
587. - We were gonna use the break
room, but gina was in there,
Copy !req
588. And she got hit by a damn bus,
so nobody can say no to her.
Copy !req
589. - That's it.
Copy !req
590. Nobody can say no to her.
Copy !req
591. Answer's still no.
Copy !req
592. - Right, but maybe you should
speak to my colleague first.
Copy !req
593. - Hi.
I got hit by a bus.
Copy !req
594. - Wow.
This place looks amazing.
Copy !req
595. - Yes, thanks to gina.
She's responsible for all of it.
Copy !req
596. She's an inspiration.
Copy !req
597. - Thank you, captain.
Copy !req
598. You have permission
to share my story.
Copy !req
599. - So how'd it go
with sergeant wells?
Copy !req
600. - Let's see.
He proposed to amy.
Copy !req
601. She said no, and then
his girlfriend dumped him.
Copy !req
602. - Terry's getting nervous.
- It's worse than it sounds.
Copy !req
603. There was
a jazz brunch involved.
Copy !req
604. - Oh.
- Oh, my god.
Copy !req
605. Look, all we can do is hope
that sergeant wells handles this
Copy !req
606. Like a professional and respects
the uniform that we all wear.
Copy !req
607. - Hey, everybody,
look who's here.
Copy !req
608. It's me, the most boring man
in america.
Copy !req
609. - Well, to be the most anything
in america is pretty good.
Copy !req
610. I mean, it's a big country.
Copy !req
611. - Teddy, we are so sorry.
- No, you don't have to be.
Copy !req
612. It's okay.
I get it.
Copy !req
613. I am boring.
I'm owning it now.
Copy !req
614. - Sergeant wells, I understand
Copy !req
615. That you're upset
for personal reasons,
Copy !req
616. But we're hoping that you'll
give us a fair evaluation.
Copy !req
617. - I will not...
Copy !req
618. 'cause I'm not gonna
write one at all.
Copy !req
619. I'm recusing myself.
Copy !req
620. - Oh.
That is so sweet.
Copy !req
621. Thank you for being
such a good guy, teddy.
Copy !req
622. - Okay. I can read between
the lines, and I love you, too.
Copy !req
623. Amy santiago, will you—
Copy !req
624. - No! Get up!
- Come on!
Copy !req
625. - Well, for what it's worth,
your precinct is immaculate.
Copy !req
626. I'm sure that your new auditor,
lieutenant hopkins,
Copy !req
627. Will be very impressed.
Copy !req
628. - Veronica hopkins?
- That's the one.
Copy !req
629. - Well, the good news is,
Copy !req
630. Amy has not dated her.
Copy !req
631. - No, but I did,
and she hates me.
Copy !req
632. - Why can't any of you keep it
in your pants?
Copy !req
633. - hello, nine-nine.
Copy !req
634. I'm lieutenant hopkins.
Copy !req
635. Hello, terry jeffords.
Copy !req
636. Come here
and give an old friend a hug.
Copy !req
637. - Hey.
So good to see you.
Copy !req
638. - I'm shutting
the nine-nine down,
Copy !req
639. And there is nothing
you can do about it.
Copy !req
640. oh!
Copy !req
641. This place is fantastic.
Copy !req
642. This is gonna be fun.
Copy !req
643. - She seems nice.
Copy !req
644. - Not a doctor.
- Shh.
Copy !req