1. I called you here to
discuss where we are
Copy !req
2. with Operation
225641441636324.
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3. What?
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4. I assigned a numerical
value to each letter
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5. in the word "Pimento,"
which I then squared.
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6. Oh, Captain. How dare you try
and sneak math into this.
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7. Peralta. Update us on Santiago's
undercover prison operation.
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8. Yeah, she has made contact
with Jimmy Figgis' sister,
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9. but it's slow-going.
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10. I hope she comes back soon.
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11. Aw! You miss her?
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12. No, I lost the key
to her apartment,
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13. and I'm taking
care of her fish.
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14. They're all dead already,
aren't they?
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15. Yeah.
Damn it.
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16. Our priority is still finding
Figgis' agent in the FBI.
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17. I think it's time for
me to call in a favor
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18. from an old colleague at the bureau,
Bob Annderson.
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19. I would've contacted him sooner,
but this is a rogue op,
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20. and he's a real
stickler for the rules.
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21. He once picked up
a penny off the street,
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22. which he then
reported on his taxes.
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23. Sounds like
a barrel of laughs.
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24. Fortunately, he isn't.
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25. We worked together back
in the day and really hit it off.
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26. We're going to be here a
while. Would you like to talk?
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27. I'd rather not.
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28. Agreed.
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29. Oh, man.
A secret FBI meet-up?
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30. I love this!
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31. Look at all those idiots. They have
no idea what's about to go down.
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32. You mean that
woman and her baby?
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33. Yep. Idiots.
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34. Well, here comes Bob.
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35. Please behave.
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36. Hello, Bob.
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37. Good to see you.
And you.
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38. Apologies. It's
inappropriate for me
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39. to partake in such informal conversation
in front of your detectives.
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40. It's all right.
I am equally to blame.
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41. Oh, my God.
There's two of them.
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42. So, Raymond,
what evidence do you have
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43. that there's a dirty
agent in the FBI?
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44. Let's see the file.
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45. We don't have a file.
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46. You're working file-less?
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47. We saw the guy
commit a felony.
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48. He tried to have
a cop killed.
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49. Crazy hot cop.
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50. Well, he's a
specific type.
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51. Look, the guy we're looking
for was wearing a ski mask,
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52. and he's about
5'10", Caucasian.
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53. He's got a big scar
on his right hand.
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54. We've been
calling him Scar-Joe,
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55. like the actress,
Scarlett Johansson.
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56. What? An actress?
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57. I didn't know that was where
that was from. Bob, I'm so sorry.
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58. No, I'll look past it.
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59. Okay.
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60. There's an agent that
matches that description.
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61. His name is Ryan Wheaton.
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62. You think you could
ID him if you saw him?
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63. Oh, yeah.
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64. I'd recognize that
scar from 20 miles away.
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65. You must have
fantastic vision.
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66. Or it's a gigantic scar.
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67. I was clearly
exaggerating.
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68. Why do you have
to ruin everything?
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69. Dr. Schwartz,
I'm here for my appointment.
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70. Hello, Cortez.
Shabbat shalom.
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71. Shabbat shalom?
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72. I don't know.
Jake made me Jewish.
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73. So, how are things
going with Maura?
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74. Well, I'm part of her crew,
but she still won't talk about her past.
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75. So, what kind of stuff did
you used to do in New York?
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76. What's with all
the questions, Regis?
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77. Actually, it's
Michael Strahan now.
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78. What?
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79. She's so scary.
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80. I saw her pull
her own tooth out
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81. and throw it
into a woman's eye.
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82. Yeah, that's bad.
So, guess what?
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83. Genevieve just texted.
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84. We're gonna hear about
our adoption any minute.
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85. I thought you were
doing fertility treatments.
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86. We are, but it's
not going well.
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87. The doctor said my
sterility is so aggressive,
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88. it may have spread to her.
Okay.
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89. But, adoption! Charles,
that's amazing! I know.
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90. Oh, no.
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91. What?
Maura.
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92. Anyway, uh, Ms. Cortez,
your vagina looks great.
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93. Mazel.
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94. Did you see this
morning's newspaper?
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95. No. I get all my news from a text
message chain with my friends.
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96. The Attorney
General might step down!
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97. I'm kidding. It's a GIF
of a rabbit eating spaghetti.
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98. There's an article about the
Nine-Nine's monthly crime rate.
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99. Those numbers aren't supposed
to be public until next week.
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100. Terry, you're gonna have
to be more interesting
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101. if you want to
get an "Oh, dang."
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102. There's a leak
in the Nine-Nine!
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103. Oh, dang.
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104. I presented those numbers
in a morning briefing,
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105. but I can't imagine anyone
would be stupid enough to leak 'em.
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106. Really, Terrence?
Look how dumb they are.
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107. Printer's fixed.
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108. Hmm.
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109. Oh, dang.
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110. Tell Peralta,
Wheaton's approaching.
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111. Here comes the douche bag.
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112. Gray suit. Act natural.
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113. Wow, look at that.
What a great magazine.
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114. Sir, if you're interested, the new
issue of Clown Boobies just came in.
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115. I can unpack the box for you.
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116. What?
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117. Oh.
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118. Actually, no.
I need last month's.
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119. There's a particular clown
booby that I'm looking for.
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120. What is Peralta doing?
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121. He appears to be
rifling through
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122. Clown Boobies magazine.
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123. Uh...
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124. Stupid butterfingers.
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125. It's all right.
Ah, thank you.
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126. Here you go.
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127. Thank you.
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128. Thank you so, so much.
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129. Not thank you. Not thank you at all,
you dirtbag.
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130. Hey, Cortez. What's going
on with you and that doctor?
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131. You seem real tight with him.
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132. No, we're not tight.
I barely know him.
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133. So, why were you hugging him?
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134. My last appeal got denied,
so he was comforting me.
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135. He's a sensitive guy.
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136. Maybe because of
his Jewish faith.
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137. I want to talk to him. Alone.
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138. Oh.
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139. About something medical? Or...
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140. What did I tell you about
asking too many questions?
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141. Right.
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142. That's that thing you
killed a bunch of bitches for.
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143. Ah! Got it. Sorry.
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144. We've been
watching this guy all day.
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145. Can't believe we
haven't arrested him yet.
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146. We know he's the guy.
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147. We have to
build a case first.
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148. 4:13 p.m. Uh,
subject finishes his coffee. Or tea.
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149. Mark the beverage
as "unknown."
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150. Detectives.
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151. What does the FBI database
tell us about Wheaton and Figgis?
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152. Both of their files
were completely wiped.
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153. I've never seen that before.
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154. Yeah, that's because
he's guilty,
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155. and we're just sitting here
watching him eat a peach.
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156. That's a nectarine.
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157. It's either
a nectarine or a peach.
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158. Just write
"unknown stone fruit."
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159. There can't just be digital
files. There must be hard copies.
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160. Those are all under
lock and key in the archives.
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161. If I asked for clearance, it could alert him.
Interesting.
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162. So what you're saying
is our only option is
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163. to break into the FBI
and steal the file.
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164. Don't be absurd. Bob,
I apologize for the absurdity.
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165. I see no absurdity.
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166. Actually, I think Peralta's
right. Let's plan a heist.
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167. Bob?
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168. Blueprints for the New
York Headquarters of the FBI.
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169. The file we're looking for
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170. is in the archive room,
here, in the basement.
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171. We will be represented by
these things I had in my pocket.
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172. All I had was lint.
Just a pocketful of lint.
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173. Everybody remember
what your lint looks like.
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174. My lint is round.
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175. My lint is approximately
one centimeter in diameter.
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176. My lint is blue.
My lint is oblong.
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177. My lint is approximately
half-a-centimeter in length.
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178. My lint is also blue.
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179. Wow, so no pushback on
the lint thing? This is great.
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180. Now, I can give you clearance
to get in the front door,
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181. but getting into
the archive is another matter.
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182. If I go into this bathroom,
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183. I could climb
through this vent,
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184. drop down into the archive room,
and steal the file.
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185. How are you
gonna get out?
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186. Pull myself back up
the way I came in.
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187. What? I can do a pull-up.
Terry will teach me.
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188. This whole area is
video-monitored by this guard here.
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189. I can distract him with conversation.
What do you know about him?
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190. Watches a lot of TV. I heard
him mention Sex and the City.
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191. Then I will discuss
both of those shows with him.
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192. Ooh, Sex and the City
is one show.
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193. It's not a show called Sex,
and then another show called The City.
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194. Okay. Good start.
Now I know that. Oh!
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195. I can disable
the security DVRs,
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196. but I need some way of
getting to a station unnoticed.
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197. I have an idea on how to smuggle you in,
but it'll be a tight fit.
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198. I'm flexible.
I do a lot of yoga.
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199. You do yoga?
Helps keep me centered.
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200. If you ask me about it again, I'll
hunt you down and rip your face off.
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201. Okay. Great. Good plan. I
won't ask you about it again.
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202. I got the DVRs.
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203. Uh, actually,
that's my lint. My lint is oblong.
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204. My lint is blue.
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205. Okay! Sounds like we've
got a plan. Let's get to training.
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206. Oh! Why does she want
to meet with me?
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207. You think our cover's blown?
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208. I don't know, but, just to be safe,
let's review your backstory.
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209. I went to Yeshiva med school,
residency at Mount Sinai.
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210. My best friend is
Yacob Peralberg,
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211. and we share everything
with each other.
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212. Can't imagine that last part coming up,
but okay.
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213. You got this.
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214. Well, Isabel,
your baby's head is the perfect size.
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215. Oh! Thank you, Doctor.
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216. Still gonna hurt when it
comes out. Get ready for that.
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217. So, you're Dr. Schwartz.
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218. That's me. L'chaim.
How can I help you?
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219. I've been watching you
ever since you showed up here.
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220. You don't seem like the
other doctors that we've had.
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221. It's funny. My best friend,
Yacob, is always saying that.
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222. Oh!
Cut the crap.
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223. We both know why I'm here.
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224. We do?
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225. Your heart's
beating a mile a minute.
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226. It's not because
I'm nervous.
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227. Cortez says that you're
sensitive. I like that.
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228. I've only been with
cheating scum. Oh!
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229. Until now!
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230. Ah!
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231. Everything okay in here?
Yeah.
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232. We're all good. He was just
checking me out. Mmm-hmm.
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233. Um, and I will see you soon,
Doctor? Mmm-hmm.
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234. Later.
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235. Yeah. Later.
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236. Curse this perfect butt.
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237. How dare you, sir?
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238. Do you really think we would
leak information on purpose?
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239. No. We think you're dum-dums,
and you did it by accident.
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240. Oh! Well, that's
very possible.
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241. Yeah, I could see that.
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242. The briefing was a week ago.
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243. Just tell us everyone
you talked to since then.
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244. Well, let's see.
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245. Well, on Saturday,
I got together with my friends,
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246. and we went to
the dog track.
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247. We need names.
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248. I lied.
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249. There's not multiple friends.
It's just Scully.
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250. Okay. What about
you, Scully?
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251. Well, I went to
the Knicks game with a buddy.
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252. Was this buddy
named Hitchcock?
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253. Yes, and we weren't at the
game. We were at the dog track.
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254. Come on, guys!
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255. Is there anyone you could've
told the crime stats to?
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256. Crime stats?
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257. Wait. Do either of you even know
what our arrest numbers were?
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258. Twelve.
No!
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259. Then, no.
Yeah, they're not the leak.
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260. Come on,
man. Use your muscles.
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261. Use my muscles? Oh, great.
Why didn't I think of that?
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262. Great advice, Terry.
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263. You know what? It's a pull-up!
There's not much to coach here!
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264. So, there's Carrie, Miranda,
Charlotte, and Samantha,
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265. but New York City is
really the fifth character.
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266. What about Steve?
He seems nice.
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267. Oh, Steve is nothing.
No one likes Steve.
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268. "Steve is nothing."
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269. Okay!
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270. I don't get it. Miranda
could've had Blair Underwood,
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271. but she settled
for Steve?
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272. Oh, but you do get it, sir.
See, now you do.
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273. How is you doing
that helping me?
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274. Scully.
Rosa.
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275. Good job. Can you do
it without screaming?
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276. Pro-ba-bly.
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277. Then we're ready.
Let's break into the FBI.
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278. Oh, come on, Captain.
This is such a big moment.
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279. Say it with more gusto.
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280. Indeed. Like this...
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281. Let's break into the FBI.
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282. Oh, I see.
Copy !req
283. Let's break into the FBI.
Copy !req
284. No. Let's break into the FBI.
Copy !req
285. Let's break into the FBI.
Copy !req
286. Let's break into the FBI.
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287. Let's break into the FBI.
I feel like I'm doing it.
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288. Let's break into the FBI.
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289. Let's break into the FBI.
Copy !req
290. Okay! I think
we got it!
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291. Now,
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292. let's break
into the FBI!
Copy !req
293. Good morning.
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294. Hi. This is for you.
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295. Thanks.
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296. Quite a big
package you've got there.
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297. Oh, I apologize for the double
entendre. I can be such a Samantha.
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298. Really? You don't
seem like a Samantha.
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299. Well, I'm actually a
combination of all four characters.
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300. Five, if you count
the city of New York.
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301. Yes.
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302. Another Sex-and-the-Citiot?
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303. Guilty as charged.
Copy !req
304. My favorite season
has to be the third one.
Copy !req
305. Everything was
going right for Carrie.
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306. Her face was on every bus,
her column was the talk of the town,
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307. and she met everyone's
favorite furniture maker,
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308. Aidan Shaw.
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309. Sure, she melted down when he
tried to introduce her to his parents,
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310. and she flipped out
Copy !req
311. when she bumped into Big
getting out of that cab
Copy !req
312. with Natasha,
whom he had married.
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313. Hmm. Who can blame her?
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314. They barely knew each other.
Copy !req
315. The best episode that year
Copy !req
316. was episode six,
entitled "Are We Sluts?"
Copy !req
317. You know the one.
Carrie was all in her head
Copy !req
318. because she and
Aidan weren't having sex.
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319. Meanwhile, across town,
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320. Charlotte couldn't
stop having sex.
Copy !req
321. And Samantha? Samantha
was just being Samantha.
Copy !req
322. The season finale that year
was entitled "Cock-a-Doodle-Do."
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323. Cock-a-doodle-doo. Roger that.
Copy !req
324. Whoops!
Copy !req
325. I hate Big!
Copy !req
326. Carrie should've ended up
with Mikhail Baryshnikov.
Copy !req
327. What? He slapped her!
Are you insane?
Copy !req
328. Bingo.
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329. Got the file.
Preparing for extraction.
Copy !req
330. No screaming, Peralta.
Copy !req
331. If you ask me, they never
should've made the movie.
Copy !req
332. Abu Dhabi? Abu-don't-bother.
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333. Wow.
I'm gonna use that.
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334. Please do. Have
a nice day. Okay.
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335. Hey. Here you go.
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336. Whoa. Wait. Hold on.
Stop. Both of you.
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337. That pass is only
for the ninth floor.
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338. All right.
Let me see that envelope.
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339. Oh, um, actually, I can't
show you that, because...
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340. It's okay.
Copy !req
341. I asked him to come
down and mail that.
Copy !req
342. I just need to put my
return address on it.
Copy !req
343. And, well, there you go.
Copy !req
344. Thanks. I know just
where to put that.
Copy !req
345. Oh!
Copy !req
346. There's Samantha again.
Copy !req
347. We did it!
Copy !req
348. What? I'm only human.
Copy !req
349. You can't always expect me
to be the coolest guy ever.
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350. Coolest guy ever?
Copy !req
351. Try telling that
to Alan Greenspan.
Copy !req
352. Nice burn, Bob.
Copy !req
353. I should've known Maura
wouldn't be able to control herself.
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354. Strong women, they're
just drawn to me.
Copy !req
355. You know? They're all right angles,
and I'm nothing but curves.
Copy !req
356. This actually
could be great, Boyle.
Copy !req
357. You could romance
her into talking,
Copy !req
358. but you shouldn't do anything
that you're not comfortable with.
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359. Oh, no. No, I won't have to.
It's not gonna get physical.
Copy !req
360. You see, the art of seduction
is all about making people wait.
Copy !req
361. Right.
Genevieve and I
Copy !req
362. often begin our
lovemaking sessions...
Copy !req
363. Okay. Yep. Okay.
with hours upon hours of delicateness.
Copy !req
364. Please stop.
We kind of blow...
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365. Guard!
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366. You get it.
All right. Yeah.
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367. All right.
Sexy playlist, check.
Copy !req
368. Seductive voice, double check.
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369. Hey, chipmunk.
Let's do this.
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370. That sounds fun.
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371. But first,
I need to sign some charts
Copy !req
372. because I am a really
Copy !req
373. good doctor.
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374. Get that bubble
butt over here.
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375. Oh! I will!
Copy !req
376. Who is Genevieve?
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377. No one!
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378. My chiropractor.
Copy !req
379. Then answer it.
Answer it?
Copy !req
380. I mean,
why don't we just stay in the moment?
Copy !req
381. Why are you such a slave
to these little boxes?
Copy !req
382. Answer the phone,
and put it on speaker!
Copy !req
383. Hello?
Copy !req
384. Honey, the adoption papers
went through! You're gonna be a daddy!
Copy !req
385. Oh, my God!
I'm having a baby!
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386. I mean...
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387. This is the wrong number.
Don't call here again!
Copy !req
388. You're dead.
Maybe you're dead.
Copy !req
389. Please don't hurt me.
Copy !req
390. 'Sup, Sarge?
Copy !req
391. Just digging through the
garbage like a normal person?
Copy !req
392. I'm trying to find
out who our leak is.
Copy !req
393. What makes you so
sure that there's a leak?
Copy !req
394. It might've just been that the
reporter was really good at his job,
Copy !req
395. like that hot blond
surfer was at TMZ?
Copy !req
396. Maybe you leaked it.
Copy !req
397. Excuse me?
Copy !req
398. I'm not saying you
did it on purpose.
Copy !req
399. Maybe you left
the file on the subway.
Copy !req
400. I mean, you don't take
your job very seriously.
Copy !req
401. Whoa! We're about to have our
first fight as a couple, Terrence.
Copy !req
402. First of all,
I take my job very seriously.
Copy !req
403. That's why I'm here right now, helping
you, and I'm the only one doing it.
Copy !req
404. Or I was,
until you insulted me.
Copy !req
405. Now watch me walk away.
Copy !req
406. I said, watch me!
Copy !req
407. Wow. No wonder Wheaton
wiped the database. Look at this.
Copy !req
408. He quashed all FBI and NYPD
operations relating to Figgis...
Copy !req
409. Drug running,
kidnapping, murder...
Copy !req
410. Those are the best crimes.
Why would you quash them?
Copy !req
411. Time for waiting is over.
Copy !req
412. Now is the time
for groin-stomping.
Copy !req
413. Damn right, it is!
Copy !req
414. Let's go arrest that punk.
Copy !req
415. Oh! He says "punk"
just like you.
Copy !req
416. Where do you think
he learned it, punk?
Copy !req
417. NYPD!
Copy !req
418. Somebody's been here.
Copy !req
419. Look. A body!
We got a body!
Copy !req
420. Damn it! He's dead.
Copy !req
421. Figgis got to him.
Copy !req
422. Wait a minute. He's got a pulse. No,
wait. That's my pulse.
Copy !req
423. No. It's his pulse.
No, it's both our pulses.
Copy !req
424. He's alive! I'm
alive! We're all alive!
Copy !req
425. Oh, this case just
got busted wide open.
Copy !req
426. Good news. The doctors
say Wheaton's not gonna die.
Copy !req
427. Oh, thank God. I just hope
he's in a lot of pain.
Copy !req
428. They say he'll be out of
the coma within 12 hours.
Copy !req
429. Great. That means he'll
definitely testify against Figgis,
Copy !req
430. and you know
what that means...
Copy !req
431. Time for celebration
candy bars!
Copy !req
432. Stupid hospital
vending machines
Copy !req
433. didn't have alcohol
for some weird reason. Here.
Copy !req
434. Why not? I really have
embraced my wild side today.
Copy !req
435. As have I.
Copy !req
436. Chocolate and nuts.
Copy !req
437. Actually, that's overkill.
Copy !req
438. Indeed.
Copy !req
439. I'll wait here, so I can
interrogate him when he wakes up.
Copy !req
440. I'll keep you company.
Copy !req
441. Why don't you two go home
and get some sleep?
Copy !req
442. Good idea, sir. We'll head to the bar,
get super drunk,
Copy !req
443. and then head home
and get some sleep.
Copy !req
444. Yeah. Good idea, sir.
Copy !req
445. Turns out your sensitive
doctor isn't who he says he is.
Copy !req
446. What? What do
you mean? Why?
Copy !req
447. 'Cause he's about to adopt
a baby with his chiropractor.
Copy !req
448. Oh, thank God
Copy !req
449. that you didn't invest
more time in a relationship
Copy !req
450. with that jerk.
Copy !req
451. Why can't I find a good man?
Copy !req
452. Could be because
you're in prison for murder.
Copy !req
453. Nah. That's not it.
Copy !req
454. Yeah, that's not it.
Copy !req
455. Before this, I used to date all
my brother's friends from the mob.
Copy !req
456. All dogs too.
Copy !req
457. Never mind. You don't
want to hear about them.
Copy !req
458. No! I do want
to hear about them.
Copy !req
459. Please. Tell me
everything about them.
Copy !req
460. Thanks.
That would be nice.
Copy !req
461. Not a toucher. Totally
get it. I'll keep my hands to myself.
Copy !req
462. What's going on, Sarge?
You find that leak yet?
Copy !req
463. Yes. I'm hiding
behind a coffeemaker,
Copy !req
464. spying on everyone
in this office
Copy !req
465. because I found the leak.
Copy !req
466. Oh, Terry. Sarcasm is
not a good look on you.
Copy !req
467. But you know what would be?
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468. A really tight Henley.
Copy !req
469. Very helpful.
Copy !req
470. I know
who your leak is.
Copy !req
471. What?
Copy !req
472. I looked up the reporter who
published the crime numbers,
Copy !req
473. and I noticed you two
follow each other online.
Copy !req
474. Well, he followed me,
and you know
Copy !req
475. I'm a proud member of team
follow-back.
Copy !req
476. So I went through your feed
to see what you were posting.
Copy !req
477. Lot of pictures of your
kids. Nobody cares.
Copy !req
478. And then I found this picture
you posted last week.
Copy !req
479. "Living that #yogurt life."
Copy !req
480. Embarrassing.
Copy !req
481. But what's even more
embarrassing, Terry,
Copy !req
482. is that the arrest numbers
are in the photo, clear as day.
Copy !req
483. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
484. I was the leak!
Copy !req
485. I got to take
that picture down.
Copy !req
486. Gina, I am so sorry
I blamed you.
Copy !req
487. And I knew you would say
something like that,
Copy !req
488. so I went ahead and bought
myself a cake on your behalf.
Copy !req
489. Check it out.
Copy !req
490. Oh, dang.
Copy !req
491. And this has been here for
the last half-hour, Detective.
Copy !req
492. Didn't even notice it.
Copy !req
493. God, I'm so sick of doing
everyone's job for them.
Copy !req
494. It's like, help me
out a little bit.
Copy !req
495. Just once in a blue moon.
Copy !req
496. Well, we did it.
Copy !req
497. For a second there, I didn't
think we were going to pull it off.
Copy !req
498. I knew we could.
Copy !req
499. And we did. To us!
Copy !req
500. Oh, what are you
guys celebrating?
Copy !req
501. Terry was mad at us, but we didn't
know what he was talking about,
Copy !req
502. and he went away.
Copy !req
503. Huge day.
Copy !req
504. Yeah.
Copy !req
505. Oh! It's Amy.
Copy !req
506. Hey, girlfriend.
Copy !req
507. Jake, Maura told me who Figgis
has working for him in the FBI.
Copy !req
508. Yeah, I already know who he is,
because I just caught him.
Copy !req
509. Special Agent Ryan Wheaton.
Copy !req
510. Also, I did one full pull-up. I'm
gonna be so buff when you get back.
Copy !req
511. Cool, babe.
Did you get the other guy?
Copy !req
512. What other guy?
Copy !req
513. Someone named Bob Annderson.
Copy !req
514. Bob?
Copy !req
515. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
516. Amy, I have to go.
Copy !req
517. Bob is working for Figgis.
What?
Copy !req
518. He must've been the one who
deleted all those digital files.
Copy !req
519. And he tried to
have Wheaton killed.
Copy !req
520. But he helped us
with the heist,
Copy !req
521. and there was nothing
about him in the paper file.
Copy !req
522. Yeah, because that
wasn't the real file.
Copy !req
523. I just need to put my
return address on it.
Copy !req
524. And there you go.
Copy !req
525. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
526. We have to call Holt.
Copy !req
527. Come on, Captain.
Pick up. Pick up.
Copy !req
528. Don't answer that, Raymond.
Copy !req
529. And now, I'm going
to have to kill you.
Copy !req
530. Oh, Bob.
Copy !req