1. Attention, everyone.
Copy !req
2. Say goodbye to the Jake
Peralta you know and love,
Copy !req
3. for today is the day
I forever change.
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4. Ooh, are you finally
growing a mustache?
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5. No, you know I can't do that, and it's
cruel of you to keep bringing it up.
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6. This envelope contains the
inheritance my uncle left me.
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7. He died a year ago.
He was so rich,
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8. he had a whole room in
his house just to eat in.
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9. You mean like
a dining room?
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10. Yeah, but in Manhattan.
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11. Now, just because
I'm definitely rich now
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12. doesn't mean I'm gonna
forget my roots.
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13. You all get something,
so fire away.
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14. Jake, your friendship
is gift enough for me.
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15. Friendship is crap.
I want a Ducati Monster 821.
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16. All right,
Rosa gets a motorcycle.
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17. Oh, cool. I want
a fast sports car.
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18. Come on.
You can be honest.
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19. I want old, expensive books.
I'll send you a list.
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20. There you go. Now,
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21. let's find out
what I'm worth.
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22. Oh, I'm too nervous
to open it. Sarge, you do it.
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23. Okay.
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24. It's stock.
One million shares!
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25. Oh, my God!
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26. Of Blockbuster Video stock.
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27. What? Is that bad?
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28. I still have
a Blockbuster card.
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29. What happened to Blockbuster?
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30. Mapping, mapping,
mapping, mapping,
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31. mapping, mapping.
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32. What's going on there, buddy?
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33. Just making a final
imprint of your face
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34. before the LASIK
surgery goes poorly
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35. and my eyeballs
get burned off.
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36. Why stop at the eyes?
Burn off your whole head.
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37. Charles, the surgery is
going to go fine, all right?
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38. You'll have some vision
impairment for a few hours,
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39. and I'm gonna be
with you the whole time.
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40. Plus, they're gonna give some of
those sweet-ass RoboCop sunglasses.
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41. Those are blind
people sunglasses.
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42. Captain. What are
you doing here?
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43. I thought you took the day off
to pack for your big trip.
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44. Or did you finally realize that it
only takes one minute to pack?
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45. Not if you care
about your possessions
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46. and what the world sees
when they look at you.
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47. Huh.
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48. Cheddar's regular
dog sitter is ill
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49. and the heat's
out in my house,
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50. so I don't think it's a good time
for me to visit Kevin in Paris.
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51. Sir, you can't
just cancel your trip.
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52. You guys haven't seen
each other in months.
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53. How about this?
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54. Amy and I will look after
your house while you're gone.
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55. Right, Ames?
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56. I thought you two were
watching Ray Charles Boyle.
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57. Good point. Charles can come
with us and look after Cheddar.
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58. I'm told that blind people have
a special connection with dogs.
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59. I knew it. You do
think I'm gonna go blind.
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60. That's an interesting offer,
but I don't want to be an imposition.
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61. Pshaw! "Imposition"? Pshaw!
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62. No, I was talking to Santiago.
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63. I assume she'll be
doing all the work.
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64. Why? Oh, because
of our track records
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65. and personalities.
Sure, sure, sure, yeah.
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66. So, Santiago, are you sure
you're okay with this?
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67. I'm so in.
This is gonna be fantastic.
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68. This is horrible!
We're not ready for this.
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69. This is a level-one
responsibility.
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70. I'm a level two at best,
and you're not even a level!
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71. Well, I'm a level, you know.
I'm probably, like, a level five.
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72. Not a level.
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73. I thought you'd be psyched.
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74. I mean, a week
at Captain Holt's house?
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75. Wasn't that where you wanted
to spend your honeymoon?
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76. Yeah, but this is
too much pressure!
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77. Why did you
volunteer us for this?
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78. Because Holt hasn't seen Kevin in,
like, months,
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79. and I was just thinking
if that was me and you,
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80. it would make me really sad.
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81. Oh.
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82. That's actually super sweet.
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83. Plus, there's this
big, fat binder
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84. full of instructions
and rules.
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85. There's a binder? Why didn't
you lead with that, you idiot?
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86. Oh...
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87. How about I just leave
you two alone?
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88. Diaz.
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89. Pimento.
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90. What's up?
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91. I need you to
sign this report.
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92. Okay. I'll sign your report.
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93. Mmm.
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94. What the hell?
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95. Mmm.
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96. Careful.
The ink's still wet.
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97. Maybe this'll help.
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98. Okay, they gotta
knock that off.
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99. Loosen up, Sarge.
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100. It's March, man. Shut up.
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101. It's true what they say.
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102. Now that I'm fully blind forever,
my other senses are heightened.
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103. I feel a door.
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104. We're at
Captain Holt's house.
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105. Also, the GPS announced it
when we pulled up.
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106. Hey, once we're inside, maybe
keep your hands to yourself, all right?
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107. The captain can be very
particular about his stuff.
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108. Cheddar! Let go!
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109. Amy?
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110. Let go of it!
This is a cashmere sweater!
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111. Oh,
my stupid allergies!
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112. He got into Kevin's closet.
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113. He was supposed
to stay downstairs.
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114. The binder was
very clear about that.
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115. Why won't you
respect the binder?
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116. Oh, no. He's turning all the
turtlenecks into regular necks.
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117. Charles, you gotta help us.
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118. On it. Okay, the key with dogs
is establishing the alpha.
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119. Cheddah, dwop it.
Pwease dwop it.
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120. I'll give you
anything you want.
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121. Oh, Cheddar is the alpha.
Didn't expect that.
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122. Pwease, pwease, pwease.
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123. Nice job, Boyle. It worked.
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124. But the mess, Jake.
The mess!
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125. We're gonna clean it up.
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126. Everything is totally
under control.
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127. Charles' pants are on fire.
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128. Boyle, the space heater! Get
away from the space heater!
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129. I don't know where it is.
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130. I'm just gonna run
at full speed!
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131. No!
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132. Charles, just stay
where you are!
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133. I got it.
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134. Whoo!
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135. Okay.
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136. It's okay.
Everything's fine.
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137. Fire's out.
And this table is...
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138. Fragile. I was gonna
say fragile. Nailed it.
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139. Huh.
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140. You punching holes?
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141. That's way too much paper.
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142. Not for me.
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143. Can't even get
a cup of coffee.
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144. Well, I'm off to find some
yellow paper so I can do this
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145. all over again.
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146. All right, Diaz.
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147. That's it. What's
going on with you two?
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148. Oh, you noticed it?
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149. Everyone's noticed it.
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150. A convicted pervert asked me
if you guys could cool it.
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151. I don't know
what to tell you.
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152. There's something between us,
Sarge. Something dark and urgent.
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153. Ah...
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154. Okay. Great news.
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155. The smell of
burned sweatpants
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156. and singed leg hair
is finally dissipating.
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157. Call from Raymond Holt, mobile.
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158. Oh, no. Not Holt.
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159. Don't worry.
I've got this.
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160. No, I don't wanna
sleep with you.
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161. Is that what that means? Oh, man,
I had a really gross tennis instructor.
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162. I'm calling to check in before I
get on the flight. Everything okay?
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163. "Okay"? Let's just say if
the house could talk, she would say,
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164. "I've never been happier.
I love Jake."
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165. Oh, that's interesting,
because I think the house might say,
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166. "Jake's a liar,
and I'm on fire."
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167. What's that now?
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168. Called me about the alarm.
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169. Okay, the house
was never on fire.
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170. Charles was on fire, and only
on his pants, and we put it out.
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171. I'm coming home right now.
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172. Wait, no. Sir, please
don't do that.
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173. You have to go see Kevin.
Everything's fine.
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174. No, my decision is final. I'm
postponing my flight. Goodbye, Jacob.
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175. No, sir! Please, please...
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176. He said "Jacob."
It's biblical.
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177. Guys, guys!
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178. Holt is headed home
right now.
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179. No! He can't come home. We left
the door open and the dog ran out.
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180. What? We lost Cheddar?
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181. These silences are very hard for
me to read. What's the vibe in here?
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182. We're freaking out,
Charles!
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183. Good afternoon.
Thank you all for joining me.
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184. What we have here is
a fugitive situation.
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185. Our man has been on
the run for 30 minutes.
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186. Also, our man is a dog.
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187. Now, I know what some of you are
thinking, "Who cares? It's just a pet."
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188. No one was thinking that,
you monster.
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189. Good. That was a test.
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190. Now, the average foot speed
of a corgi is 10 miles per hour,
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191. which means with
every passing second,
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192. that slippery bastard
gets farther away.
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193. Captain Holt does not know
Cheddar is missing.
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194. But he's gonna find out.
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195. Oh, God, I feel like the
devil is dancing on my chest.
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196. It's all right, Amy.
We have time.
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197. Gina's picking Holt
up at the airport,
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198. and she told me she can
stall him for at least two hours.
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199. I'll do it, but I'm
gonna have to total your car.
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200. Or you could
just drive slowly.
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201. She's gonna
wreck your car.
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202. Here's where we're at.
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203. Amy and I will take Blind Charles
and search the neighborhood.
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204. Diaz, Pimento...
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205. Bring the dog back,
dead or alive.
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206. What? No. I was gonna
say hang posters.
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207. Terry, maybe go with them,
make sure nobody gets killed.
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208. Or maybe I could join another
group with a different kind of energy?
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209. Jake, what about
me and Hitchcock?
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210. You two grab Cheddar's treats
and put them in a bowl outside.
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211. You mean the little sausage
ones that need way more salt?
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212. On second thought,
maybe just sit exactly where you are
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213. and don't touch anything.
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214. Sweet.
Copy !req
215. All right, everyone,
it's time to do this.
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216. For Captain Holt,
for Kevin, for America!
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217. Let's go, Nine-Nine!
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218. This line
is interminable.
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219. At this rate, we'll be home in 54
minutes instead of the usual 46.
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220. Not if I have
anything to do with it.
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221. Watch me now!
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222. No, Gina, the wrong way.
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223. No, Gina, the spikes!
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224. Uh-oh.
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225. Uh, not a problem. I can
get you home on two wheels.
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226. And that was
the second pair of tires.
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227. Mmm.
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228. I could've done that.
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229. Yeah, I know you could've.
But you didn't. I did.
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230. I mean, there are lots of other poles,
guys. A whole street full of them.
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231. So, Adrian,
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232. when are we gonna stop
messing around and do this thing?
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233. Um...
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234. Never.
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235. You know what?
I just realized.
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236. I forgot something at home.
I'm just gonna...
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237. That was weird. You okay?
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238. Yes.
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239. All right, according to the
call we just got on the tip line,
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240. someone said they saw
Cheddar on this block.
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241. I'll head north.
Jake, you head west.
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242. We'll meet back
in a half hour.
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243. Great, which direction
should I go?
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244. What's going on?
I can hear your lips moving.
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245. Ah! Are you guys kissing?
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246. What? No. Charles,
stop always asking that.
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247. Look, I'm sorry,
but you have to stay in the car.
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248. That's a mistake!
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249. My super senses are a tool you
can't afford to leave in the tool chest.
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250. Take me out of the box
and put me on your belt.
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251. I'm sorry, but you'd
only slow us down.
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252. And that's exactly
what Cheddar wants.
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253. That's right. I'm onto you,
you slippery little bastard.
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254. Gina, come on. You can do your
Internet socializing in the truck.
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255. Okay, cool,
I just have to tie my shoe real quick.
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256. Tying it.
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257. Gina, hey, how's the stalling?
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258. Great. The tow truck
just got here,
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259. so that'll buy us
at least an hour.
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260. Tow truck? What the
hell did you do to my car?
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261. Bitch, I told you
I was gonna wreck it.
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262. You did. You did.
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263. All right, well, we're about to
go follow up on a lead right now.
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264. Great. I'm gonna rip a bunch
of wires out of your dashboard.
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265. What? No, don't! Gina...
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266. I got nothing.
Did you find Cheddar?
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267. Close.
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268. I found Shredder.
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269. Shredder, no! No, Shredder!
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270. You're not Cheddar!
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271. I know it looks bad,
but we're gonna find him.
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272. Right after we find Charles.
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273. Charles is gone.
We lost Charles.
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274. What?
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275. I should've known I
was gonna lose Charles.
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276. He's so pocket-sized.
He could be hidden anywhere.
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277. Jake, we need
to focus on Cheddar.
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278. Charles is a grown man.
He can take care of himself.
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279. No, he's not.
He's a Charles, all right?
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280. And he's blind. Oh, God,
he's probably already dead.
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281. Right? So let's not waste
any resources on him.
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282. Wait, it's Charles. Charles?
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283. Jake? Is that you?
I can't see my phone.
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284. I've dialed over
40 wrong numbers.
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285. I found Cheddar.
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286. Which is why I was like,
"We need to go to him."
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287. Charles, where are you?
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288. But I don't know
where I am, and my...
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289. Wait, stop talking.
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290. I'm hearing something
in the background.
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291. What is that, a train
and a girl whimpering?
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292. That's me. I'm so scared
you're not gonna find me.
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293. Charles, don't move.
I know exactly where you are.
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294. He's at the entrance
by 7th Street.
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295. I used to hang out
there all the time.
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296. I boofed it.
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297. Nothing. Cool stuff.
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298. Having sex. Anyways,
it doesn't matter. Let's go.
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299. Hey, Sarge.
I've been waiting for you.
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300. In here?
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301. I wanted to have
a private conversation.
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302. Do you think Diaz noticed
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303. that I freaked out a little
when she asked me out?
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304. You mean the way your
eyes popped out of your head
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305. and you sprinted
away at full speed?
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306. Yeah, I think she noticed.
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307. Damn it.
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308. I'm in kind of a weird
headspace right now.
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309. I've got a lot on my plate,
emotionally speaking.
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310. And flirting's one thing,
but a relationship?
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311. Well...
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312. for someone was Katya.
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313. She was a bartender
at the Garbage Box,
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314. second-rate strip club my
mob buddies and I used to go to.
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315. She was a sweet girl,
but I couldn't save her from the pole.
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316. Oh, she started stripping?
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317. Nope.
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318. Boss impaled her on a pole
when he caught her skimming tips.
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319. Ooh, damn, dude.
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320. Look, coming back from 12 years
undercover is not easy for anyone.
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321. I'm sure Diaz gets it.
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322. She's so in touch
with her feelings.
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323. And me...
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324. After what I've seen,
after what I've done,
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325. I don't know that I
deserve to be happy.
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326. Of course you do.
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327. Huh.
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328. I never looked at it that way.
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329. Wow!
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330. That changes everything.
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331. Ha!
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332. No, Sarge, you said it all.
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333. You just changed my life.
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334. He's gotta be here somewhere.
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335. What's up, Peralta? Wanna
jump in on this tasty sesh?
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336. Uh, you got the wrong guy.
I've never seen you before.
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337. Dumb stoner.
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338. He referred to you by name.
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339. Jake? Jake?
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340. Look! I found Cheddar.
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341. I found him.
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342. I know.
Pretty impressive, right?
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343. It's a proud day for
blind people everywhere.
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344. Charles...
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345. This guy put up quite a fight.
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346. But we're good
friends now, right?
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347. Right? You gave me
a bunch of kisses.
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348. You gave me a bunch of kisses.
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349. Damn it,
Charles, it's a possum.
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350. Oh, no.
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351. Mercifully, the tires
have been replaced,
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352. so may I please
have the keys?
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353. Okay, but before we go,
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354. can we just choose a nice air
freshener from the gift shop?
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355. You never know when you're
gonna find your signature scent.
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356. I'm not an idiot, Gina.
I know for a fact
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357. you've already found
your signature scent.
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358. Ugh! I have got to stop
living my life out loud.
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359. I've had a hell of a day.
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360. I've got a lot
going on in my life.
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361. More than Peralta
ruining my house,
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362. so can we please drop the
charade so I can get home already?
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363. Absolutely, sir.
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364. Wait, I should tell you.
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365. Before you got real with me,
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366. I did rip out all these wires.
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367. All right,
everyone, listen up.
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368. Here's where we're at.
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369. Bad news, Cheddar
is still at large,
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370. and you know that slippery
little bastard is just laughing at us.
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371. We need a new plan
and we need it now.
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372. Because the walls are
closing in and I can't breathe.
Copy !req
373. Come on, guys, we're just
spitballing. There's no stupid ideas.
Copy !req
374. What if we walk around the
neighborhood in Captain Holt's clothes,
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375. wait till Cheddar
picks up the smell?
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376. No, that's insane,
never gonna happen.
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377. Anyone else?
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378. I'm listening. Go on.
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379. I get you guys
Mexican passports.
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380. Totally untraceable.
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381. We fake your death
in an apartment fire.
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382. I'll need three
teeth from both of you.
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383. Then, you guys just disappear.
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384. It's easy.
I've done it before.
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385. Oh, have you? Because you haven't
mentioned it 500 times. Get a new thing.
Copy !req
386. Okay. Amazingly, wearing
Holt's clothes is our best option.
Copy !req
387. Everyone, prepare
to enter high society.
Copy !req
388. Okay, how's everybody feeling?
Copy !req
389. Anyone else have the weird
urge to lecture themselves?
Copy !req
390. "Peralta, what are you doing?"
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391. Peralta, what are you doing?
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392. I conjured him.
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393. Captain Holt.
What a pleasant surprise.
Copy !req
394. Gina told me that you were
delayed due to a wire situation.
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395. Yes, the situation is, you can rip
them all out, but the car still works.
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396. Um, sorry, boo.
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397. Wait, why is
the whole squad here?
Copy !req
398. And why is everyone
wearing my clothes?
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399. My God.
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400. You lost Cheddar.
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401. How did you do that?
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402. Sir, I know you're upset,
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403. but I promise you we can find
Cheddar and you can still go to Paris.
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404. I'm not going to Paris.
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405. Now, get out of my clothes.
Get into your clothes.
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406. Get out of my house.
Get into your cars...
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407. All right,
we can take it from there.
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408. Loud and clear.
Once again, so sorry.
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409. Oh! He's so disappointed.
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410. Look, I'm sorry that I
got you involved in this.
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411. I never should
have volunteered us.
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412. No, Jake.
It's not your fault.
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413. It's Amy's.
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414. Well, it's not my fault.
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415. Blind.
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416. Ah...
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417. who let Cheddar go to town
on Kevin's sweaters.
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418. Please, it's not like
I fed him Kevin's sweaters.
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419. Wait a minute, guys.
I think this is Kevin's fault.
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420. No, Jake, it's Amy's. I know
you're trying to be a cool boyfriend.
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421. Yet another reason why it's not
your fault. But Kevin's in Paris.
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422. Exactly, and that's why
I think it's Kevin's fault.
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423. I have an idea of
how to find Cheddar.
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424. Amy, don't act
weird when I say this,
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425. but we're gonna
need to use the binder.
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426. Oh, Mama.
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427. Diaz!
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428. Could we talk?
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429. Listen, Sarge gave me
some really great advice.
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430. So, Rosa Diaz,
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431. will you marry me?
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432. What?
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433. This is what
you told me to do!
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434. I barely said anything!
You cut me off way too early.
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435. Sarge, stay out of this.
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436. Gladly.
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437. No, I will not marry you. How
about we just get a drink first?
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438. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.
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439. Oh, that's actually sweet.
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440. Nope.
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441. Oh, there he is.
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442. Captain Holt!
Oh, he can't hear me.
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443. Eh...
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444. Okay, well, I guess we know
what those wires did.
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445. I'm not in the mood
for your antics, Peralta.
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446. Look, sir, sir!
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447. I think we know
where Cheddar is.
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448. Will you please
just get in the car?
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449. Oh, let me get that.
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450. Try now.
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451. Oh, I can't control
the locks. Hang on.
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452. Try now. One, two, three.
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453. Try now. Try now.
Here we come, Cheddar!
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454. Try now.
Here we come, Cheddar!
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455. Try now. Try now.
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456. Try now. Here we come,
Cheddar! Try now.
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457. Cheddar!
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458. Come here, baby.
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459. Yeah, yeah.
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460. I'm so glad to see you.
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461. How did you know he was here?
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462. Well, Cheddar was only
chewing up Kevin's stuff.
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463. I figured maybe he was acting
out because he missed Kevin.
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464. But the real hero
here is the binder.
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465. Under "Cheddar,"
subsection "Walk,"
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466. subsection
"Walks with Kevin,"
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467. we found this special spot.
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468. So you're missing Kevin, huh?
You're not the only one.
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469. I didn't cancel my trip
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470. because I was worried
you would burn my house down.
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471. Kevin and I are having
a hard time right now.
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472. Whenever we talk, we fight.
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473. And I'm just
afraid and just...
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474. Just afraid that if I go to
Paris and we fight, then...
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475. Sir, with all due respect,
that's crazy.
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476. I mean, you and Kevin
are the best couple I know.
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477. And I'm sure whatever this is,
you can get through it,
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478. because you are
the strongest person I know.
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479. That was weird.
I said, like, multiple
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480. real things
consecutively. Yeah.
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481. Felt weird, but good.
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482. Are you proud of me?
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483. Yup. I'm just
gonna stop talking now.
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484. Well, I suppose I'm not gonna solve
anything by running away from it.
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485. Perhaps I should
go to Paris.
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486. What do you think,
Cheddar, huh?
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487. Oh, my! You really
are acting out. Phew.
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488. I'm sorry you had
to see that.
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489. Oh...
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490. You know,
it's moments like these
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491. that I'm grateful for your...
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492. Guys,
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493. it's a miracle! I can see!
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494. Not now, Charles!
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495. Right, sorry!
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496. Sorry.
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