1. Jake, you've got to see this,
there's something going on here.Copy !req
2. Something a little...
Hairy.Copy !req
3. Nope. Don't see anything
out of the ordinary.Copy !req
4. Really?
Well, maybe I should...Copy !req
5. Frame the question
differently.Copy !req
6. Terry, do you
notice anything?Copy !req
7. Amy?Copy !req
8. New shirt?
Oh, come on, guys.Copy !req
9. I grew a goatee and it looks
amazing and I know you can see it.Copy !req
10. Of course we can see it,
Charles. It's horrible.Copy !req
11. It looks like you unclogged a
shower drain with your mouth.Copy !req
12. Yeah, you look exactly like the guy in
the "Don't Talk To Strangers" poster.Copy !req
13. No, I don't.Copy !req
14. Are you talking about
your new goatee?Copy !req
15. Mmm-hmm. I think it's a
good choice for your face.Copy !req
16. Ah! Come over here so
I can take a better look.Copy !req
17. Thank you,
Captain. I knew you'd appreciate Bianca.Copy !req
18. That's right,
I call her Bianca,Copy !req
19. because she's dark and thick
like my first cousin, Bianca.Copy !req
20. Jeffords, Peralta, now.Copy !req
21. Hmm? Whoa!Copy !req
22. Say goodbye to
Bianca, Boyle.Copy !req
23. Bianca! No!Copy !req
24. Hey, Charles, I want
to ask you something,Copy !req
25. but you have to promise
not to get excited and weird.Copy !req
26. I can't promise
anything of the sort.Copy !req
27. It's about restaurants.Copy !req
28. I'm so glad
I didn't make that promise.Copy !req
29. Oh, boy.
All right.Copy !req
30. Where do you
take your dadCopy !req
31. when you want to go
some place special?Copy !req
32. That's a great question.Copy !req
33. We go to Csaba.Copy !req
34. It's a Hungarian restaurantCopy !req
35. that serves Tálezer kolbász,Copy !req
36. the platter of
a thousand sausages.Copy !req
37. Ugh. It's symbolic
of our manhood.Copy !req
38. Okay, should have saved
the "Ugh" till then.Copy !req
39. Anyways, I'll try and
get a reservation.Copy !req
40. My dad's coming into townCopy !req
41. and we're going out
to dinner tonight.Copy !req
42. Why are you going
to dinner with him?Copy !req
43. He hasn't visited
you in six years.Copy !req
44. Yeah, he's busy.
He's an airline pilot.Copy !req
45. Regional airline.
He flies internationally.Copy !req
46. Quebec to Albany.Copy !req
47. What is going on,
here? What's your problem with my dad?Copy !req
48. I'm just being wary.Copy !req
49. He left you when
you were seven,Copy !req
50. he's been letting
us down ever since.Copy !req
51. "Us"?Copy !req
52. I think of you
as a brother, Jake.Copy !req
53. So, he didn't just abandon
you, he abandoned us.Copy !req
54. Look, I know he hasn't been
the best dad in the past,Copy !req
55. but he's changed.Copy !req
56. Check it out.
We've been texting.Copy !req
57. "New phone. Who dis?"Copy !req
58. No, below that.
Oh.Copy !req
59. See? He's coming into
town just to see me.Copy !req
60. All right? We're going
to go out to dinner tonight,Copy !req
61. then maybe take a walk
through the park,Copy !req
62. possibly a carriage ride...Copy !req
63. If I get chilly,
he could loan me his coat.Copy !req
64. I'm describing a date. I don't
know what fathers and sons do.Copy !req
65. But I'm gonna find out!Copy !req
66. Joining
us for lunch, sir?Copy !req
67. Oh, no, I've already consumed the
required calories for this day period.Copy !req
68. Yummy. But I do have
some fun lunch chitchat.Copy !req
69. When I was a detective,Copy !req
70. my old CO, Jim Martins,Copy !req
71. used to keep us on our toes by
having us solve brain teasers.Copy !req
72. I thought maybe you'd
like to try one.Copy !req
73. Don't just tease
my brain, Captain.Copy !req
74. Really go to town on it.Copy !req
75. Yeah, bring it on, sir.Copy !req
76. I love puzzles.Copy !req
77. They're like power squats
for your mind.Copy !req
78. Good.
Here's the problem.Copy !req
79. There are twelve
men on an island.Copy !req
80. Eleven weigh exactly the same amount,
but one of them is slightly lighterCopy !req
81. or heavier.
You must figure out which.Copy !req
82. And what do these men
look like faciallyCopy !req
83. and with respect
to their bodies?Copy !req
84. It's unimportant.Copy !req
85. So, like Tyrese.
It's a land of Tyreses.Copy !req
86. Sure.Copy !req
87. The island has no scales,Copy !req
88. but there is a seesaw.Copy !req
89. The exciting catch?Copy !req
90. You can only use it
three times.Copy !req
91. That sounds super exciting.
Is this thing mandatory?Copy !req
92. Oh, I hope so.
Please say yes.Copy !req
93. No, but there is a prize
for whoever solves it first.Copy !req
94. Two tickets to this Sunday'sCopy !req
95. Beyoncé Knowles
rock music concert.Copy !req
96. I'm in.Copy !req
97. Marcus loves Beyoncé.Copy !req
98. Everyone loves Beyoncé.Copy !req
99. My girls were conceived
to Bootylicious.Copy !req
100. Don't tell my wife
I told you that.Copy !req
101. Whoop!Copy !req
102. Guys, my dad just texted.
He's in the building.Copy !req
103. Scully, stop eating.
Terry, start flexing.Copy !req
104. Everybody be cool.Copy !req
105. Paging Detective
Jake Peralta!Copy !req
106. Ah, Dad!Copy !req
107. How are you, son?
Oh, good!Copy !req
108. Good to see you.Copy !req
109. Everyone, this is my dad.Copy !req
110. Hey, introduce yourself
in your captain's voice.Copy !req
111. Uh, folks, this is
your pilot speaking,Copy !req
112. Captain Roger Peralta.Copy !req
113. If you look to your left,
you'll see me making your acquaintance.Copy !req
114. Love that.Copy !req
115. Hi, I'm Jake's best
friend, Charles.Copy !req
116. How are you?
Pop quiz.Copy !req
117. What's Jake allergic to?Copy !req
118. Bees.Copy !req
119. And wasps. The guy didn't
even include wasps. Huh!Copy !req
120. Wasps,
those aren't even real.Copy !req
121. Oh, hey,
Captain Holt!Copy !req
122. Come meet my dad,
Captain Peralta.Copy !req
123. Hello, Captain.
Captain.Copy !req
124. This is super
weird for me.Copy !req
125. Captain.
Captain.Copy !req
126. Anyways, you guys,
my dad is the best pilot. Ah, come on.Copy !req
127. Tell them about Oregon.Copy !req
128. Okay, this one time
I'm in Eugene.Copy !req
129. I'm hitching a ride in the
jump seat of a commuter jet.Copy !req
130. I'm sleeping off
a wicked hangover.Copy !req
131. Noice.
All of a sudden,Copy !req
132. there's a jolt and a boom.Copy !req
133. A bird.
It was a bird.Copy !req
134. Yeah, we sucked a
bird into our intake.Copy !req
135. Next thing I know,
cabin's filling up with smoke,Copy !req
136. alarms going off,
engine flames out and dies.Copy !req
137. We are in a dead stall.Copy !req
138. I look over at
the pilot, Sam Power.Copy !req
139. Great name.
Great name.Copy !req
140. He's white as a sheet
and he says to me...Copy !req
141. I'll never forget
what he said.Copy !req
142. He says, "Bobby's
got a big old butt."Copy !req
143. Turns out he's
having a stroke.Copy !req
144. I bring the plane down on a highway,
right across from a rest area.Copy !req
145. Get on the PA and
I say, "Folks,Copy !req
146. "coffee's on me."Copy !req
147. Wow.
What?Copy !req
148. You kidding
me?Copy !req
149. Anyway, I'm not... I'm
not here to talk about me.Copy !req
150. I'm here to spend
some time with my boy.Copy !req
151. Ah, Dad.Copy !req
152. Yeah, it's
good to see you, too.Copy !req
153. Oh, hey, let me give you
a tour of the precinct. Cool.Copy !req
154. Ooh,
you can interrogate one of my perps!Copy !req
155. Uh, no, he can't.
Don't do that, Jake!Copy !req
156. You might as well save yourself
some paper and give up now, Sarge.Copy !req
157. You know I'm gonna
solve this first.Copy !req
158. You probably can't tell, but I am
flexing my brain like crazy right now.Copy !req
159. Yeah, you're both
wasting your time.Copy !req
160. Beyoncé's my spiritual twin.
Those tickets are my birthright.Copy !req
161. No offense, but this is gonna
come down to me and the Sarge.Copy !req
162. Whoa, you think you two are the
only ones that can solve puzzles?Copy !req
163. Yeah, what about
Rosa, Gina and me?Copy !req
164. Is this how you want
to die, Hitchcock?Copy !req
165. Look, it's just that the Sarge
and I are really into puzzles.Copy !req
166. Remember when I took
that sudoku cruise?Copy !req
167. I never even went on deck.Copy !req
168. A hundred bucks says Gina and I can solve
this thing before you two puzzle dorks.Copy !req
169. Deal.Copy !req
170. You're going down.Copy !req
171. You're really not a
part of this, Hitchcock.Copy !req
172. Did they bring out more sausage
while I was in the bathroom?Copy !req
173. No, that's still
the first mountain.Copy !req
174. Good Lord.Copy !req
175. Anyways, do you remember
what you always didCopy !req
176. when you'd take me
to dinner as a kid?Copy !req
177. Tell the waitress it was your
birthday so we'd get a free dessert?Copy !req
178. I already did it.Copy !req
179. I just told them
it was your birthday!Copy !req
180. Come on.Copy !req
181. Looks like we're gonna get two free,
probably disgusting, sausage-filled desserts.Copy !req
182. This is pretty fun, right?Copy !req
183. I mean, we're
actually bonding.Copy !req
184. Jake, there's something I
want to talk to you about.Copy !req
185. Last week, I was flying
into Albany from Quebec.Copy !req
186. You know how I always keep my snowboard
with me in case I get a chance to carve?Copy !req
187. He's so cool.Copy !req
188. Well, Canadian customs found some
prescription meds in my board bag.Copy !req
189. They're accusing me
of smuggling. What?Copy !req
190. Yeah, I have no idea how they
got in there. They're not mine.Copy !req
191. But it's... It's bad. I could
lose my pilot's license.Copy !req
192. But you're the best
pilot in the world,Copy !req
193. I'm guessing without knowing
anything about the field.Copy !req
194. I'm really in a
bind here, Jake.Copy !req
195. I need your help.Copy !req
196. That's actually
the reason I'm here.Copy !req
197. Oh, that's the reason.Copy !req
198. Happy sausage birthday
to both of you.Copy !req
199. All right, let's talk
about my dad's case.Copy !req
200. The case of why
he came to town?Copy !req
201. I solved it, because he wanted
to take advantage of his son.Copy !req
202. Okay, fine. At first,
I was a little upset.Copy !req
203. But then I realized,
this is great!Copy !req
204. We'll get to spend some time together
and he'll see what a good cop I am.Copy !req
205. He should already think
you're great. Like with my dad.Copy !req
206. He doesn't need me to prove to him that Jake
Peralta is the best cop in the precinct.Copy !req
207. He knows it!Copy !req
208. Tell us about the case.Copy !req
209. Here's what we know so far.Copy !req
210. One, Hungarian sausage is an oily
mess and it causes nonstop dumps.Copy !req
211. The incontinence is a small
price to pay for the deliciousness.Copy !req
212. It's disgusting and it was
a terrible recommendation.Copy !req
213. Two, the Canadian cops
think that my dad usedCopy !req
214. his security clearance to smuggle
in over a thousand pills of Turgidol.Copy !req
215. Canadian erection medication.
Very potent.Copy !req
216. What? I don't need it.Copy !req
217. But I love it. Oh,
boy.Copy !req
218. Three, the case against
him looks pretty solid.Copy !req
219. Four, he's never
been a good dad to Jake.Copy !req
220. Five, he has
been a good dad.Copy !req
221. Especially from ages
zero through sevenCopy !req
222. and yesterday
through forever.Copy !req
223. Six, nonstop dumps.Copy !req
224. Enough, how did you read
these files? They're in French.Copy !req
225. Scully translated
them for me.Copy !req
226. When I was nine,
my parents took me to Paris.Copy !req
227. And they accidentally
left me at the Louvre.Copy !req
228. By the time they
figured it out,Copy !req
229. they were already
back in Queens.Copy !req
230. Okay, no one cares about
your boring life, Scully.Copy !req
231. This is about my dad
and proving his innocence.Copy !req
232. Sir, I'd like
to go to CanadaCopy !req
233. for a few days
and help him out.Copy !req
234. Of course.
But take Boyle with you.Copy !req
235. It'll be good to have
an objective set of eyes.Copy !req
236. Fine, but under protest
because he's a jerk.Copy !req
237. Also, we'd like to
take Scully with us.Copy !req
238. Well, perfect. I do you a favor,
you do me one, too.Copy !req
239. Thank you.Copy !req
240. All right,
there is no wayCopy !req
241. we let Amy and
the Sarge beat us.Copy !req
242. We sit here until we
figure this thing out.Copy !req
243. Rosa, my mind is ready.Copy !req
244. Okay, "There's an
island with 12 men."Copy !req
245. Oh, I'm so bored!
I cannot do it.Copy !req
246. I can do this.Copy !req
247. One guy is slightly heavier.Copy !req
248. There's a seesaw.Copy !req
249. I got it.Copy !req
250. You use the seesaw to press down
on their necks, until fatty confesses.Copy !req
251. Incorrect.
Damn!Copy !req
252. And disturbing.Copy !req
253. Hello, ladies and
gentlemen. This is your Captain speaking.Copy !req
254. That's my dad, the Captain, talking
right now. I came out of his body.Copy !req
255. No big deal.Copy !req
256. We're headed for an on-time
arrival in Drummondville, Quebec.Copy !req
257. Folks, this is a special flight for me,
because sitting in seat 3B is my son,Copy !req
258. Jake Peralta,
one of New York's Finest.Copy !req
259. Oh... Thanks,
Dad.Copy !req
260. Love you, too!Copy !req
261. You've got to admit it
was pretty nice of himCopy !req
262. to bump us up
to first class.Copy !req
263. Ugh, this plush fabric
is making my rump sweat.Copy !req
264. Maybe you're just a little
too uncultured to enjoyCopy !req
265. such a
sophisticated kind of an experience.Copy !req
266. Hmm?
Oh, brother.Copy !req
267. What
do you say there, Scully, old boy?Copy !req
268. Look at this nut mix!Copy !req
269. It's half cashews!Copy !req
270. I hope we never land!Copy !req
271. So loud.Copy !req
272. Hey, guys, how are you
enjoying the flight?Copy !req
273. So,
how's the case going?Copy !req
274. Oh, good. We already have four
suspects who work at the airport.Copy !req
275. And I want to talk to
your girlfriend, Denise,Copy !req
276. 'cause she had
access to your bags.Copy !req
277. Not on the night
in question.Copy !req
278. She's been spending
some time at her place.Copy !req
279. Relationships
are complicated.Copy !req
280. You cheated on her a
bunch and she found out.Copy !req
281. Okay, I deserve that.Copy !req
282. Charles, I have cheated
on women in the past.Copy !req
283. And, um, this one, too.Copy !req
284. You've got a penchant for blondes. Hey,
come on.Copy !req
285. You can't blame a guy for occasionally
dropping anchor at the old Commodore Club.Copy !req
286. So, seriously, Jake,
is this going to be okay?Copy !req
287. Oh, yeah. You're gonna
be fine. Yeah.Copy !req
288. Oh, my God,
Jake! Who's flying the plane?Copy !req
289. Copilot, Scully, copilot.Copy !req
290. Okay, look, let's
try a new approach.Copy !req
291. We weigh these three islanders
against these three islanders.Copy !req
292. If they weigh the same,
we eliminate them.Copy !req
293. And if they don't, we...
Where'd they go?Copy !req
294. Terry's
mouth is full of donuts.Copy !req
295. You said we could
eliminate 'em!Copy !req
296. Only if they
weigh the same.Copy !req
297. We've been here forever!
I'm getting snacky.Copy !req
298. Fine. Let's start over. Okay.Copy !req
299. We balance
three against three,Copy !req
300. and if they weigh
the same, we just...Copy !req
301. What just happened?Copy !req
302. Come on, man.
Stop eating the islanders!Copy !req
303. I'm saving them from this
weight-obsessed nightmare island!Copy !req
304. By murdering them?Copy !req
305. I warned you against
using donuts.Copy !req
306. They're my trigger food.Copy !req
307. Mmm.
Terry.Copy !req
308. These islanders
are delicious.Copy !req
309. Okay, so, two of our
suspects are in the baggage area.Copy !req
310. Do you think you
can get us access?Copy !req
311. You're with a pilot.
I can get you in anywhere.Copy !req
312. Hey, you guys
want a 10% discountCopy !req
313. on duty-free maple syrup?Copy !req
314. Do I ever!Copy !req
315. Hey! What?
Scully, what's going on?Copy !req
316. Roger Peralta is under arrest forCopy !req
317. possession of a controlled
substance. What?Copy !req
318. They found pills in his apartment.Copy !req
319. Jake, I don't know what
he's talking about. I swear.Copy !req
320. I don't know how those
pills got in my apartment.Copy !req
321. Wait.
Jake.Copy !req
322. Scully,
tell them we're cops. Tell them!Copy !req
323. Shoot. That means
turnips. I said we were turnips.Copy !req
324. I...
I got it, don't worry.Copy !req
325. We are turnips!Copy !req
326. Nope, that was English.
Yeah.Copy !req
327. The cop says your dad is
being held without bail.Copy !req
328. They want us on
the next flight out,Copy !req
329. and that Bernard's is the best
poutine place in the airport.Copy !req
330. You want some?
No.Copy !req
331. I don't want
poutine right now.Copy !req
332. Yes!Copy !req
333. Ah, man, I can't believe they
found pills at my dad's place.Copy !req
334. That means none
of our suspectsCopy !req
335. could have
possibly done it.Copy !req
336. Oh, my God, Boyle,
is there a chanceCopy !req
337. that my dad is actually
a drug smuggler?Copy !req
338. Well, let's look
at the facts.Copy !req
339. Drugs in his luggage,
drugs in his apartment,Copy !req
340. terrible dad,
terrible husband,Copy !req
341. cheats on
his girlfriend,Copy !req
342. I think he did it.Copy !req
343. You're right.
He didn't do it.Copy !req
344. That's not what I said.Copy !req
345. No. You said he cheats
on his girlfriend.Copy !req
346. Presumably he has to
do that with someone.Copy !req
347. And that someone
would have accessCopy !req
348. to his apartment
and his bags.Copy !req
349. Dad dropped anchor
at the Commodore's Club.Copy !req
350. Someone is there.Copy !req
351. Even so, how do
we get in there?Copy !req
352. By wearing Dad's
pilot uniforms.Copy !req
353. No, Jake, I just don't think
he's innocent. I just think that...Copy !req
354. You don't want to
be my copilot? I'm in!Copy !req
355. Going up to the spirit in the skyCopy !req
356. Spirit in the skyCopy !req
357. That's where I'm going
to go when I dieCopy !req
358. When I dieCopy !req
359. When I die and
they lay me to...Copy !req
360. Sorry, Scully,
we only had two uniforms.Copy !req
361. It's okay.Copy !req
362. For some reason, all the
fries and gravy and cheeseCopy !req
363. upset my tummy.Copy !req
364. Huh.
Huh.Copy !req
365. Going
up to the spirit in the skyCopy !req
366. Spirit in the skyCopy !req
367. That's where I'm gonna go...Copy !req
368. Are you here because you've
solved my brain teaser?Copy !req
369. Sir, you've been an
underdog your whole life.Copy !req
370. But you defied the oddsCopy !req
371. by having others
secretly help you,Copy !req
372. 'cause you didn't
have what it took.Copy !req
373. That's not my story. But
now we're the underdogs,Copy !req
374. and we're the ones
who need a handout.Copy !req
375. So just tell us
the answer.Copy !req
376. Or have you forgotten
where you come from?Copy !req
377. I'm not gonna help you. I told
you that was not gonna work.Copy !req
378. Stop the clock.Copy !req
379. We're here and we
have the solution.Copy !req
380. First, you weigh
six versus six.Copy !req
381. Wrong!
That'll never work.Copy !req
382. You've just wasted
your time and mine.Copy !req
383. Click.Copy !req
384. I just captured
the exact momentCopy !req
385. when you realized
you had failed.Copy !req
386. I guess we all got
something out of this.Copy !req
387. So, that's it? This problem is
beyond all of you. No one solved it.Copy !req
388. Believe me, no one is more
disappointed in me than me.Copy !req
389. Than I, Santiago.Copy !req
390. Click.Copy !req
391. Hi, there. That's,
"Oh, sweet home."Copy !req
392. Got them wings.
Yeah.Copy !req
393. Ooh. Okay.Copy !req
394. Boom. Right there. Behind
the bar. That's my dad's type.Copy !req
395. Oh,
he likes them neat and clean. Real tidy.Copy !req
396. What? No,
blondes. He likes blondes.Copy !req
397. All right, here's the plan.
We're gonna go sit down.Copy !req
398. Order a couple of drinks, grab her
fingerprints off the glass she serves us,Copy !req
399. and then measure her
wrist for handcuff size. Yeah.Copy !req
400. Ready?
Yeah.Copy !req
401. Crazy flight.Copy !req
402. Oh, those
hydraulics were loud.Copy !req
403. Yeah.
Ah, bonjour, bonjour.Copy !req
404. Uh, two whiskeys,
please, Chantelle.Copy !req
405. Thanks. Say, I'm looking for an old sky
pal of mine. Do you know Roger Peralta?Copy !req
406. Yes. Yes,
I do. How do you guys know Peralta?Copy !req
407. Oh,
I used to fly with him back in Oregon.Copy !req
408. My name's Captain Spike Masters.
This is my copilot, Wanda Cohen.Copy !req
409. I drive the plane when he sleeps. I
also take care of hotel accommodations.Copy !req
410. Where did you guys
say you flew in from?Copy !req
411. Akron.
Luxembourg.Copy !req
412. Connected in Akron.
Took the old 78... Niner...Copy !req
413. On the wind stream. You know,
flight stuff. Anyhow...Copy !req
414. Can we grab those
two whiskeys, please?Copy !req
415. I do not know who you are, and I do not think
you are pilots. Your suit doesn't even fit.Copy !req
416. I had my stomach stapled.Copy !req
417. Unhand us!Copy !req
418. This is outrageous.Copy !req
419. I demand to speak with
the Commodore himself.Copy !req
420. There's no way
we'll get her fingerprints now.Copy !req
421. Oh, really?Copy !req
422. Et voilà.
French.Copy !req
423. She cleaned the bar
quite thoroughly,Copy !req
424. but this bottle is
filthy with her prints.Copy !req
425. Smart. That's why you're
the pilot and I'm the copilot.Copy !req
426. Copy that, Wanda.Copy !req
427. Copy that.Copy !req
428. Wanda Cohen.Copy !req
429. Wait, Captain.Copy !req
430. Gina and I figured out
your dumb brain teaser.Copy !req
431. I highly doubt that, sir.Copy !req
432. I'll judge for
myself, Santiago.Copy !req
433. Okay, Diaz,
what's the solution?Copy !req
434. We have no idea.Copy !req
435. Told you.Copy !req
436. But neither do you, sir.Copy !req
437. What?Copy !req
438. Captain Holt, you don't
know what the solution is.Copy !req
439. Excuse me?Copy !req
440. Here's how
we cracked it.Copy !req
441. I took the photo of you
demolishing Amy's spiritCopy !req
442. and made these clever T-shirts that say,
"#nerdfail."Copy !req
443. It's not that clever.Copy !req
444. It's hilarious.Copy !req
445. Look at this. Your expression
is the same as Amy's.Copy !req
446. Because you're
both devastatedCopy !req
447. that you just let
down your mentors.Copy !req
448. I looked at your calendar.
You're supposed to have breakfastCopy !req
449. with your old CO.Copy !req
450. You wanted us to solve the
problem before you saw him.Copy !req
451. That's crazy.Copy !req
452. She's right.
What? No.Copy !req
453. He posed that problem
to me 20 years ago.Copy !req
454. Every time I see him, he asks,Copy !req
455. "Do you have the answer
yet?" And I never have.Copy !req
456. Those islanders and their
pathetic seesaw haunt my dreams.Copy !req
457. They mock me in my sleep, riding up
and down on a teeter-totter of taunts.Copy !req
458. Cool. So, who gets
the Beyoncé tickets?Copy !req
459. Oh, Canada
You home of crappy copsCopy !req
460. Guess who just freed his
dad from Canadian prisonCopy !req
461. and slammed six free mimosas on the
first-class flight home sans the juice?Copy !req
462. Spoiler alert.
It was Jake.Copy !req
463. It was me.Copy !req
464. So, turns out my dad's
sidepiece framed him.Copy !req
465. She was hella pissed because
she found out about his real girlfriend.Copy !req
466. And his other sidepiece.Copy !req
467. So, yeah, turns out my dad
is a great guy after all.Copy !req
468. And in celebration
of my freedom,Copy !req
469. I'm taking
everybody out tonight.Copy !req
470. Drinks are on me.Copy !req
471. Eh?Copy !req
472. Where's Scully?Copy !req
473. Oh, no.
Scully!Copy !req
474. Who?Copy !req
475. Hey, Hank. When you
see my dad walk in,Copy !req
476. can you dim the lights and
play We are the Champions?Copy !req
477. No. I don't know what your dad
looks like,Copy !req
478. I don't have the song,
and the lights aren't on dimmers.Copy !req
479. Oh, no.Copy !req
480. It's okay, Jake. You give him the
signal, I'll start unscrewing bulbs.Copy !req
481. No, my dad just texted.Copy !req
482. He's not coming.Copy !req
483. To Jake's dad!Copy !req
484. Whoo!Copy !req
485. Yep.Copy !req
486. I'm sorry, Jake.Copy !req
487. I'm sure your dad has a really
good reason for not being here.Copy !req
488. No, don't do that.
All right?Copy !req
489. Don't let him off the hook.Copy !req
490. That's what I've
done my whole life.Copy !req
491. You know when he
missed my 11 th birthday,Copy !req
492. I blamed myself for being
born on a peak travel day.Copy !req
493. You were right
about him, Boyle.Copy !req
494. So, what do we do now?Copy !req
495. Hug for ten minutes.Copy !req
496. No, give me a
rain check on the hug.Copy !req
497. There's something I gotta do.Copy !req
498. You can have my beer.
Cool!Copy !req
499. Jake!Copy !req
500. I'm sorry I couldn't
make it to the party.Copy !req
501. I'm subbing for a buddy
who's got an early flight.Copy !req
502. I'm sure you're upset.Copy !req
503. No, actually,
I'm not upset at all.Copy !req
504. You're not?
Great.Copy !req
505. No, more relieved.Copy !req
506. You know, you were
always my hero,Copy !req
507. but I think I'm finally starting to
see you for who you really are.Copy !req
508. A regional airline pilot whose
landings are bumpy as hell,Copy !req
509. and a pretty selfish guy who genuinely
doesn't care about being a dad.Copy !req
510. Jake, you don't understand.Copy !req
511. There was a downdraft on
the Drummondville runway.Copy !req
512. Oh, wow.Copy !req
513. It's not my fault. Yeah,
clearly.Copy !req
514. Look, I've been making
excuses for you my whole life.Copy !req
515. But you're a pretty
crappy father.Copy !req
516. And until you're ready to be a good one,
don't call me.Copy !req
517. Also, I'm taking your captain
hat because it's cool and I want it.Copy !req
518. Going up to the spirit in the skyCopy !req
519. Spirit in the skyCopy !req
520. That's where I'm
gonna go when I die...Copy !req
521. I gotta say,Copy !req
522. figuring out Captain Holt didn't know
the answer was an incredible solve.Copy !req
523. I'm sorry if we implied
you weren't smart.Copy !req
524. Oh, and I'm sorry if we implied
you were both asexual nerdsCopy !req
525. who can only be friends
with service animals.Copy !req
526. You didn't.
Not to your face.Copy !req
527. But to a ton of people
behind your back.Copy !req
528. Thanks for the drink.
Yes!Copy !req
529. Next round's on me.Copy !req
530. It's the least I can do for
teasing your brains so mercilessly.Copy !req
531. So, what are you gonna
say to your old CO tomorrowCopy !req
532. when he asks if you
solved the puzzle?Copy !req
533. I don't know.Copy !req
534. Thanks for bringing
that up. Fun chat.Copy !req
535. Just say you're a captain now
and you're busy running a precinct,Copy !req
536. so he can go suck an egg.Copy !req
537. Or we can all work together,
all night long,Copy !req
538. and I'm sure we can
eventually figure it out.Copy !req
539. I like that, Terry.
It shows real heart.Copy !req
540. But I'm going with
Gina's "suck an egg" idea.Copy !req
541. You get the
Beyoncé tickets.Copy !req
542. Of course I do. I told you,
it was my birthright, you bitches.Copy !req
543. Superglue your panties to your butts,
ladies, because Jake is in the house!Copy !req
544. What?Copy !req
545. Never mind.Copy !req
546. I'm a little drunk.
Ah.Copy !req
547. I'm also worried
about you.Copy !req
548. Come here.
Ten-minute hug time.Copy !req
549. I'd rather not.Copy !req
550. Come on.
Okay.Copy !req
551. Boyle, release him.Copy !req
552. Fine, only because
you're ordering me to.Copy !req
553. There's nine minutes
left on that hug.Copy !req
554. Great.Copy !req
555. Nice job in Quebec.Copy !req
556. I bet the local copsCopy !req
557. weren't happy you
showed them up.Copy !req
558. Yeah, well,
maybe not at first,Copy !req
559. but by the end,
they kept calling meCopy !req
560. a real bâtard,Copy !req
561. which I can only
assume means "hero."Copy !req
562. It means "bastard,"Copy !req
563. but that's only because
they were jealous.Copy !req
564. You did good work.Copy !req
565. Here.Copy !req
566. Is this an allowance?Copy !req
567. Are you giving
me an allowance?Copy !req
568. No, I'm paying the
bartender for more drinks.Copy !req
569. Oh, right.Copy !req
570. I'm proud of you.Copy !req
571. Nine minutes start now!Copy !req