1. All right, here's where
we stand.
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2. This nightclub is the home base
for the Mario crime syndicate.
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3. I've been tracking the club owner,
Vladimir Drogic,
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4. aka "The Dragon,"
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5. aka my first perp with
a cool nickname.
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6. What about "El Baboso?"
The Dagger?
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7. Yeah, turns out Rosa was
lying about that.
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8. "El Baboso" actually means
"The Slug."
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9. Tonto.
That means "dum-dum."
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10. It was very cruel. I referred
to myself as "El Baboso"
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11. to several
beautiful Latina ladies.
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12. Oh, that's your type,
isn't it, Jakey?
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13. Like Sophia...
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14. Anyway, "The Dragon" is involved
in several counts of human trafficking
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15. as well as...
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16. I'm sorry, what's going on?
Who are you?
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17. Drexel with
the Organized Crime unit.
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18. I'm here for
the Mario case materials.
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19. Oh, are you?
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20. Well, we'll see what my
captain has to say about this.
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21. Thank you for taking
the materials.
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22. Make sure you also pick up the
files that are on Peralta's desk.
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23. Wow, that is not how
I saw it playing out.
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24. Sir, I thought you said
this was my case.
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25. I gave you two weeks. I'm done
fending off the Organized Crime unit.
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26. Squad, since Peralta's
briefing was cut short,
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27. you can all use this time
to clean up your desks.
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28. Look at this place. Half-eaten food,
crumpled tissues,
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29. pictures of your families.
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30. What's wrong with pictures?
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31. If you love someone,
you'll remember what they look like.
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32. What is this?
Rubber band ball.
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33. Keep your bands in a box
or a bag.
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34. Since you all apparently
have time to play throw,
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35. I'm canceling overtime for the month,
effective immediately.
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36. Get to work! And de-ball
these bands.
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37. What is going on?
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38. Holt's been in a
bad mood all week.
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39. Did somebody do
something to set him off?
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40. Jake, are you seriously asking
why Captain Holt is mad?
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41. What do you mean?
The Wednesday incident?
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42. Hey, hey. Just closed
my 10th felony of the month
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43. and I thought
we could celebrate.
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44. Might I remind you that
this is a police precinct
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45. and it's 10:00 in the morning?
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46. Thought you might
say that.
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47. That's why this is
non-alcoholic sparkling cider.
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48. There's absolutely nothing
you could be mad about.
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49. Uh-oh.
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50. No, no, no. Look,
I was the first one in on Wednesday.
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51. This story is already
full of holes.
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52. He was in a bad mood before
those sprinklers went off.
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53. Something must have
happened at home.
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54. Dude, just admit that
you ruined everything
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55. and you turned our lives
into a living hell.
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56. No biggie. You guys,
this is not my fault.
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57. Boyle, you believe me, right?
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58. Don't make me do this, Jake.
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59. Betrayed!
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60. All right, you know what?
Fine.
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61. I'm gonna prove to all of you
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62. that something else is
responsible for his bad mood.
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63. It's probably Boyle.
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64. Don't worry about it.
Don't open it.
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65. No personal calls.
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66. What the hell?
That was Marcus.
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67. He's gonna think
I hung up on him.
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68. Leave him wanting more.
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69. That's basic seduction stuff,
Diaz.
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70. Captain Holt has been
in a bad mood,
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71. and I'm not letting it
get any worse on my watch.
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72. I need overtime back.
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73. Ladies and gentlemen.
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74. Six banks robbed
in three weeks,
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75. $250,000 stolen
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76. citizens trembling in fear.
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77. Well, no more.
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78. Boyle!
You got your bank robber.
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79. Went home last night,
no overtime,
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80. just me and some brie
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81. and I cracked it.
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82. So, here he is,
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83. the thug that's been
terrorizing the city.
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84. Say hello, Marvin.
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85. Hello.
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86. Oh, my God. He's so old.
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87. He's not that old. His nurse
isn't even full time.
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88. He couldn't pull off
a bank job.
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89. He couldn't pull off
the cap on his medicine.
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90. I can hear you.
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91. I'm sorry.
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92. This guy is
a ruthless criminal.
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93. I'm sorry, sir.
Is this going to take long?
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94. Because I was hoping to
buy some slacks this afternoon.
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95. I like corduroy.
You like corduroy?
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96. I love corduroy.
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97. He likes corduroy.
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98. You sure you have
the right guy?
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99. Wasn't the robber
strong and fast?
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100. And able to eat solid foods?
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101. Nobody saw him eat.
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102. The guy wore a rubber mask
and his voice was disguised.
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103. My system's
a little unsettled.
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104. Could I trouble you for
a ginger ale?
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105. Oh, of course, sir.
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106. We'll get that and a
comfy chair for you to sit in.
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107. Yeah?
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108. I robbed those banks.
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109. I don't even need the money.
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110. But I like to see
the tellers squirm.
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111. I get off on violence.
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112. Oh, my God.
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113. Here you go.
Oh, thank you so much.
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114. You're such a doll.
I must pay you.
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115. No, no, no. I insist,
I insist. Right here.
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116. You remind me
of my granddaughter.
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117. Aw, you are so sweet.
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118. I haven't got a granddaughter.
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119. What are you doing here?
You're not scheduled to work today
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120. and overtime is canceled.
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121. Yeah. Well, remember about a week ago,
when I came in here
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122. with a bottle of
sparkling cider?
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123. Setting off my sprinklers.
Drenching my office.
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124. Destroying a paper crane
folded for me by Kevin.
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125. Right, I forgot
how that ended.
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126. The point is, that was all
just regular cop stuff.
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127. There's no way that can be the
reason you've been in such a bad mood.
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128. Bad mood? I'm sorry, have I not been
bursting into song enough for you lately?
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129. Would you like me to click my heels
together or skip like a school child?
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130. Yes, to all of that.
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131. But for reals,
what non-me thing is bothering you?
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132. Is there trouble at home?
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133. Peralta, I'm not gonna
discuss my home life with you.
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134. We're not friends. We're not
family. You're not my husband.
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135. Oh, that's hurtful.
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136. I thought we had
a special bond.
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137. I was your secret Santa
last year.
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138. And I already thanked you for
the "Who Farted?" baseball cap.
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139. But you never wear it.
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140. So, Holt won't tell me if
something happened at home
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141. because I'm not his husband.
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142. But you know who is
his husband?
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143. His husband?
His husband.
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144. I was just a little slow.
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145. Yeah, Kevin's not gonna talk to you
because he can't stand detectives.
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146. Yes, but he can stand youse.
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147. Nuh-uh. I spent a lot of time cultivating
a good relationship with Kevin.
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148. He finally calls me
Gina instead of Ms. Linetti.
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149. All right, fine. Then,
I'm calling in my chit.
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150. You kiss your mother with
that mouth? No, "Chi-it."
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151. What? Remember
when I got you this job?
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152. You said, "OMG, Jake!
I owe you one!"
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153. I said "OMG"?
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154. That was before other people
started saying it. I was an originator.
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155. You said I could
ask for anything.
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156. And for six years,
I've been sitting on that chit.
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157. Well, now, I'm cashing it in.
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158. A receipt for almonds?
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159. Yeah, I just thought it
would be more dramatic
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160. to slide something
across the table.
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161. It wasn't. But since I made
that promise, fine.
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162. Hey, Kevin.
Gina, good to see you.
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163. Jake's here, too.
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164. Yo!
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165. Gina, I know you like champagne
with a drop of pomegranate juice.
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166. I like to say it's nature's classiest
alcohol mixed with its "narstiest" fruit.
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167. And Peralta,
I hope this will do.
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168. It's a can of orange soda from
when some other children visited.
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169. It's perfect. Thank you
for inviting us in.
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170. Yes, I invited Gina in.
You were with her.
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171. Okay, look. Everyone's blaming
me for the Captain's horrible mood
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172. because of a small thing that
happened Wednesday morning.
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173. When you flooded his office
with cider?
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174. Well, the water actually flooded
it. The cider just caused it.
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175. But I swear, he was already
upset when he got to work.
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176. He was anger articulating.
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177. Coat, coat, jacket, coat.
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178. Is this a police precinct,
or a Turkish bazaar?
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179. Hmm. Yes, I dread those
annunciated denunciations.
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180. Yeah, I hate those.
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181. So, my question is,
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182. could something have happened
at home before he left for work?
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183. Well, I remember
that morning.
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184. He left this house at 7:00
and was in a great mood.
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185. In fact, he was still
chuckling about
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186. the previous night's
Charlie Rose.
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187. Fine, so your marriage
might not be the problem.
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188. But he didn't get to work
until 10:00.
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189. That means whatever ruined his
mood happened in those three hours.
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190. We have to retrace his steps.
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191. We? I'm not going to
investigate my own husband.
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192. Uh-huh. Totally.
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193. Well, that was a great chit-chat,
don't you think, Gina?
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194. Seemed like it went real
bad for you.
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195. Chit-chat?
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196. Oh. You know, Kevin, maybe if we figure
out what caused Raymond's bad mood,
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197. we could fix it.
Good idea, Gina.
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198. I suppose we could
look into it.
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199. Yes! Great.
Let's go right now.
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200. No time to lose.
Don't look, just run!
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201. You're trying to get me
out of here before
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202. I see the orange soda you
spilled on that chair, aren't you?
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203. I'm already out the door!
It worked!
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204. What the hell?
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205. Are you throwing
a tea party for this monster?
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206. He was sitting in processing,
and he just looked so lonely.
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207. This guy is guilty.
He confessed to me,
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208. but now he's pretending
that he didn't.
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209. You must have misheard me.
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210. I didn't do anything.
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211. Except being charmed
by these two lovely ladies.
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212. Oh, cut it with
the "sweet old coot" routine.
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213. You're going to jail, my friend,
in a trolley named Charles.
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214. A trolley?
Trolleys are cool.
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215. They have the bells.
You know what?
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216. Just take your tea and
leave my perp alone. Please?
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217. Thank you, ladies for bringing
a little sunshine into my gray life.
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218. You want to know what I'm
gonna do with the money I stole?
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219. Hmm?
Prostitutes.
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220. Amy, you heard him.
Tell me you heard him!
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221. What?
Son of a bitch!
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222. Well, this is where Raymond
eats breakfast every morning.
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223. Yes, I know. He's always raving
about how they don't have specials.
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224. Diane, hello. This is my friend,
Gina. And this is Detective Peralta.
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225. They work with my Raymond.
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226. Oh, Peralta.
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227. You are so old
to behave the way you do.
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228. Oof.
What?
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229. I'm sure he vents
about everyone on the squad.
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230. Nope. Just you.
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231. Damn it, Diane!
What are you doing after this?
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232. So, did anything unusual happen when
Raymond was here last Wednesday?
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233. Did he mention anything?
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234. No. He had
his regular breakfast.
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235. Room temperature water
and one hard-boiled egg yolk.
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236. Hmm. Well, that is
his good mood food.
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237. So, Peralta, we know
he was fine through breakfast.
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238. Looks like you're still
on the hook.
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239. No, there was still plenty of
time before he got to work.
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240. Gina, what did he do next?
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241. Well, according to his "schedge", his
next stop was his weekly painting class.
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242. Painting class?
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243. Can I guess what he paints?
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244. Pictures of pie charts.
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245. Multiple still lifes of
this gray rock.
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246. It's even more boring.
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247. So, Gerald, did anything
happen to Raymond last week?
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248. Did he seem like something or
someone had him in a bad mood?
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249. It was his day to pick
the music, and he chose Haydn.
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250. So, he was in a good mood
or a bad mood?
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251. A great mood, Jake.
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252. Oh, you're Jake.
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253. Damn it. What are you
doing after this, Gerald?
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254. What is wrong
with our Internet?
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255. I like to back up my data
every 15 minutes
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256. and it's taking 17 minutes
per backup.
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257. I'm in a data-backup deficit.
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258. We are in the same boat.
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259. I've been trying to load
this video all day.
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260. You're watching videos
during work?
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261. I told him to do it, sir.
It's case-related.
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262. "Turtle humps computer
mouse."
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263. Yeah. "Turtle" is the name of
a local pervert we are chasing.
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264. Come on, Hitchcock!
Get it together!
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265. So, did anything
strange happen
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266. when you and Raymond sparred
last week?
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267. No. As usual, Raymond
was the king of the croisé
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268. and I got in a few
good raddoppios.
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269. So, just a bunch
of normal words.
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270. Are you sure we're
talking about last Wednesday?
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271. Positive.
I haven't seen him since.
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272. You haven't?
Hmm-mmm.
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273. I'm sorry. I need to leave.
Excuse me.
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274. Kevin? Kev?
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275. What's going on?
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276. Raymond has been lying to me.
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277. Three mornings this week,
he told me he was fencing with Dan.
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278. Why would he do that?
Why would he lie to me?
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279. I don't know. Maybe it's
connected to his bad mood.
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280. My husband does not lie to me.
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281. This investigation of yours
was a bad idea. I'm going home.
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282. I have to sort this out
with Raymond.
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283. Goodbye, Peralta.
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284. Linetti.
Linetti?
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285. No. We were on
a first-name basis.
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286. Gina, this is bad.
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287. Kevin's upset, Holt's gonna be angry,
we're both gonna get fired,
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288. and I'm gonna die alone.
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289. Jake, why don't you just do the
right thing and jump out a window?
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290. Captain Holt will never
fire me
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291. if he knows I'm mourning
the death of a close friend.
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292. Or we could try plan B
and just fix it.
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293. You never even tried
plan A though.
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294. Hey. How did it go
with Kevin?
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295. Are you willing to admit
everything's your fault?
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296. No, Amy. Because none of
this is my fault.
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297. Except for how you meddled in
the Captain's life today,
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298. possibly causing repercussions in
his marriage that could last a lifetime.
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299. Yes. That is completely on me.
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300. But Amy, you didn't know that,
so you were still wrong.
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301. You two need to go.
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302. You're not supposed to be here and
the Captain's at a new level of anger.
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303. Constant smiling.
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304. It's horrible.
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305. All smiling's horrible.
This is worse.
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306. We're here so I can activate the Holy
Network of Administrative Assistants.
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307. Acronym "H-Naah."
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308. We high-level assistants keep track
of what's going on with all the bosses.
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309. Jealous, Amy?
Yeah, I'd tap that.
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310. Network. I'd tap that network.
That's a thing people say.
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311. Yeah. No.
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312. I've answered
all your questions, young man.
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313. What more do you want from me?
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314. I'd like you to tell Santiago
about the banks you robbed
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315. and how you get off
on violence.
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316. What? Boyle. Oh, my God.
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317. What are you doing? Why are
you being so weird about this?
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318. Marvin Miller is guilty and he
thinks he can get away with it.
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319. He also thinks the subway
should be horses.
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320. He's old is what I'm saying.
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321. He knows exactly
what he's doing.
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322. He's messing with me
because I'm not intimidating
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323. like Terry or dignified like Jake or model
handsome like Jake or funny like Jake.
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324. Yeah, I might buy
my shoes at a kids' store,
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325. and yeah, I might be scared
of geese.
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326. But I am a damn good cop
and I will not be made a fool of.
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327. So, I'm gonna go
into that room
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328. and I'm gonna get
that lousy old geezer
Copy !req
329. to admit on camera that
he robbed those banks.
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330. He just died.
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331. What?
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332. Okay, here's what I learned.
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333. The chief's assistant, Ryan,
was only pretending to have mono.
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334. Gina, about Holt.
Fine.
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335. Apparently, he was supposed to meet Deputy
Chief Ash near his fencing club at 9:30.
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336. But he canceled at the very
last minute with no explanation.
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337. "H-Naah" does it again.
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338. Okay. So, something happened
between fencing and coffee.
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339. We just have to
figure out what.
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340. Totes. But first, let's check in
with Ryan on how to fake mono.
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341. Because if I can nail that,
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342. whoo! Game changer.
Copy !req
343. Okay. So, Captain Holt
leaves fencing and heads north.
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344. If we really want to do this,
we've got to get in his head.
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345. We have to be Captain Holt.
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346. Hello, Gina.
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347. How does this sound?
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348. Captain Holt,
is that you?
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349. Oh, no, it's Jake, nailing
your voice exactly.
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350. Right? The trick is to find a key
phrase you know exactly how he'd say.
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351. Mine is "Peralta,
that's enough!"
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352. Seriously, Jake,
this is getting scary.
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353. Come with me,
young wise assistant.
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354. Let us walk in this direction.
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355. Oh. A hot dog.
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356. Would I stop? Not for one
of those, I wouldn't.
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357. Damn it, it's morphing into
British. Do your catchphrase.
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358. Peralta, that's enough!
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359. And I'm walking with purpose.
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360. And I'm walking with purpose.
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361. And bingo.
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362. A door?
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363. It's a Narnia
situation.
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364. No, but I love that.
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365. It's a security camera.
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366. Something happened to Holt when he walked
past here, we'll be able to see it.
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367. Peralta, you genius.
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368. Hmm, that does not sound
like him.
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369. Okay. Personal photos are
down, kitchen is spotless,
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370. and I got the silver-painted
breakdancer outside
Copy !req
371. to move his very loud
boom box elsewhere.
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372. You beat him in a dance-off?
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373. No, I destroyed him.
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374. There's absolutely nothing
here that will set off Holt.
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375. Oh, oh! I was trying to cook
my oatmeal with a road flare
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376. but it caught on fire.
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377. Why are you using
a road flare?
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378. You said the kitchen
was off-limits!
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379. Yeah. This is your fault,
Sarge. Give me that.
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380. I'm just holding a road flare,
stepping on some oatmeal.
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381. Just doing me.
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382. I can't believe that you of all people
are my biggest problem today, Jeffords.
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383. Kevin, is the Captain home?
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384. No. Good. I figured out
what happened to him.
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385. He was mugged.
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386. What? He told you this?
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387. No. I used my detective skills as well as
my spot-on Holt impression to figure it out.
Copy !req
388. I retraced his steps
and found security footage.
Copy !req
389. After he left fencing, three shady
guys followed him into an alley.
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390. One of them had a knife.
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391. That's why he's been
in such a bad mood.
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392. He's a police captain that got
mugged. He's embarrassed.
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393. Oh, my goodness.
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394. Peralta.
There he is!
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395. What are you doing in
my house? Raymond.
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396. You were mugged?
What?
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397. What did you say to him?
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398. Captain, it's okay. There's
nothing to be embarrassed about.
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399. I'm not embarrassed
and I wasn't mugged.
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400. Three men tried to mug me. But I
fought them off, injuring two of them.
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401. Wait, so you heroically fought off three
guys and that put you in a bad mood?
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402. If I did that, I would literally
write a song about myself.
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403. It would be like...
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404. Jake, the hero
Abs of steel, sha-la-la-la.
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405. Why would you keep this
from me?
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406. And why would you lie
about going to fencing?
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407. Because he couldn't go.
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408. Because he's injured.
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409. I wasn't injured.
I was lightly stabbed.
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410. I'm sorry.
You were stabbed?
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411. Lightly stabbed.
I didn't want to frighten you.
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412. You are my husband.
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413. I want you
to tell me everything.
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414. Especially things that might frighten
me. How can you not know that?
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415. Raymond, you are unbelievable.
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416. Hey, Captain.
You look so tall.
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417. What you have done is
beyond unprofessional.
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418. You cannot muck around in people's
private lives. Get out of my house.
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419. But get into your car?
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420. I'll go.
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421. Sir.
Detective.
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422. So, how was your night?
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423. Of work. I'm not asking
about your personal life.
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424. I don't care about you
personally.
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425. I mean, I'm neutral.
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426. I mean, who are you?
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427. Floundering is worse
than silence.
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428. Oh. Cool, cool, cool, cool.
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt.
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429. Man, this elevator
is slow, huh?
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430. That's because you haven't
pressed the button.
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431. That's why you're the Captain.
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432. So smart. I want to just...
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433. Zip.
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434. No more talky!
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435. Hmm.
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436. Yeek, blast of cold air
coming out of that box.
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437. Name of Amy's sex tape.
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438. Hey, man, come on. Not cool.
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439. I'm going through something.
Just let me have this one.
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440. I'm sorry you wasted
your chit, Jake.
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441. It's all right.
I want to apologize to Holt,
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442. but it seems personal and I'm not supposed
to talk to him about personal stuff.
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443. Oh, boo. I guess you need to think of some
professional way to make it up to him.
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444. Wait a minute.
Gina, that's it.
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445. I just had an idea.
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446. Peralta, you're a genius.
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447. Who was that? ScarJo?
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448. It was Holt, and I think
you know that.
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449. I thought it was ScarJo.
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450. I can't believe that bastard
beat me.
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451. Whoa. He's dead. It's kind of hard
to see how he's the winner in this.
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452. He made me look like an idiot.
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453. No, Amy and I were
the idiots.
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454. Because we let that
ancient windbag fool us.
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455. He robbed the banks.
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456. He gave me money for
the ginger ale.
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457. After you insisted
he was guilty,
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458. I went back
and checked his dollar.
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459. The serial numbers matched
the stolen bills.
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460. You brought in the right guy.
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461. You're a damn good cop, Boyle.
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462. I know. No one listens.
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463. Except when you threw water
in his dead face. That was rough.
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464. I thought he was faking it.
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465. I wanted to splash the lies
out of him.
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466. All right, Detective. What is this
all about? You have 70 seconds.
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467. Why 70?
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468. Do you really want to waste your
time while I explain my algorithm?
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469. Right. All right. So, I pulled a
still from the security footage
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470. of your attempted mugging and
sent it to the nearby precincts.
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471. We ID'd one of the mopes
and that's his apartment.
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472. I thought maybe you
would want to do the honors.
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473. And you think this will make
everything you did better?
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474. Well, maybe.
It was Gina's idea, so...
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475. It will. Gina had
nothing to do with it.
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476. You want to know why
I was so angry all week?
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477. When those men came at me,
I acted like I was a 20-year-old.
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478. I took a stupid risk
and I got myself stabbed.
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479. I was in pain and frustrated
about lying to the man I love.
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480. Kevin.
Yes.
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481. Obviously Kevin.
Obviously.
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482. What I'm trying to say is
you were right all along.
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483. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at
myself, and I took it out on the squad.
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484. Peralta, you're a genius.
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485. Oh, my God. You said it.
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486. I heard you practicing in
the men's room.
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487. Yeah, that makes more sense.
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488. Attention, squad.
Quick announcement.
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489. Overtime is reinstated,
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490. and you are each allowed
two personal photographs,
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491. two trinkets, and
three assorted knickknacks.
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492. You know what? Just follow
Sergeant Jeffords' lead.
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493. He always knows how to keep
this place running smoothly.
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494. Nice. So, rubber band balls
are back.
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495. Oh, no, it's bad
for the bands.
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496. Ah, Kevin. Let me just
get my coat.
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497. Hello, Peralta.
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498. Gina. Oh, sweet Lords of Dance,
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499. thank you!
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500. We're back on a
first name basis.
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501. Kevin, I am unable
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502. and unwilling to discuss
personal matters with you.
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503. I'm aware of that, yes.
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504. In any case, thank you
for your help.
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505. I brought you both gifts.
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506. Original Raymond Holts.
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507. I will treasure this painting
of a rock for all times.
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508. Ah, Rock 59 and 367.
Those are good rocks.
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509. 367 paintings of one rock?
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510. This guy parties!
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