1. This job is eating me alive.Copy !req
2. I can't breathe anymore.Copy !req
3. I spent all these years
trying to be the good guy.Copy !req
4. The man in the white hat.Copy !req
5. I'm not becoming like them.Copy !req
6. I am them.Copy !req
7. Hey! What are
you doing, weirdo?Copy !req
8. I'm doing the best speech
from Donnie Brasco.Copy !req
9. Or, actually...Copy !req
10. Ten of me are doing the best
speech from Donnie Brasco.Copy !req
11. What's up?Copy !req
12. Get it together, man.
Okay?Copy !req
13. So, the store was hit
about two hours ago.Copy !req
14. They took mostly tablets,
laptops, and cameras.Copy !req
15. Sorry.Copy !req
16. I'd like a list of all your employees
who ever had access to the store.Copy !req
17. I'd also like to apologize
for my partner.Copy !req
18. His parents didn't
give him enough attention.Copy !req
19. Uh... Detective?Copy !req
20. I already solved the case.Copy !req
21. We're looking for three white males, one
of whom has sleeve tats on both arms.Copy !req
22. And how do you know that?Copy !req
23. I had an informant
on the inside.Copy !req
24. He's been here
for years.Copy !req
25. Watching, learning,
waiting...Copy !req
26. His code name...Copy !req
27. Fuzzy Cuddle Bear.Copy !req
28. He's a nanny cam.Copy !req
29. Ugh! You got lucky.Copy !req
30. No, I got here
five minutes before youCopy !req
31. and figured that in this
gigantic electronics storeCopy !req
32. there had to be at least
one working camera.Copy !req
33. Oh! Hi, bad guys.Copy !req
34. You did it, Fuzzy.
You busted 'em.Copy !req
35. It's time to come home.Copy !req
36. I'm not sure if I can.Copy !req
37. I've been undercover
so long,Copy !req
38. I've forgotten who I am.Copy !req
39. I've seen
terrible things.Copy !req
40. I haven't known the touch
of a woman in many moons.Copy !req
41. All right.Copy !req
42. Detective Santiago?Copy !req
43. Don't walk away from me!Copy !req
44. Yes, I did crack the case.Copy !req
45. So, Santiago,
would you do the honors?Copy !req
46. I hate this.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
47. I hate this.Copy !req
48. And you're just
gonna wanna add one.Copy !req
49. I'm winning!Copy !req
50. It's a good feeling. It's
a good feeling. Yeah.Copy !req
51. Enjoy it while it lasts.Copy !req
52. I will.Copy !req
53. J. P., update on the
Morgenthau murder?Copy !req
54. Yeah. Good news for
all you murder fans.Copy !req
55. Earlier this morning,Copy !req
56. someone decided
to shoot and killCopy !req
57. luxury food importer,
Henry Morgenthau.Copy !req
58. Body was found by
the cleaning lady.Copy !req
59. During her interview,Copy !req
60. I deduced using expert
detective work,Copy !req
61. that she had something
super gross on her chin.Copy !req
62. I think it was flan.Copy !req
63. Charles thinks it was flan.Copy !req
64. I think it was
butterscotch pudding.Copy !req
65. Maybe it was just old
person gunk.Copy !req
66. You know how old people
always have that gunk on them?Copy !req
67. Oldie gunk.Copy !req
68. Could be. Yeah.
Anyone else?Copy !req
69. How about we focus
on the murder,Copy !req
70. and not the
old person gunk?Copy !req
71. Crime techs are
at the scene now.Copy !req
72. We're heading back
when they're done.Copy !req
73. Okay.
I want you on this.Copy !req
74. It's gonna be priority one
for the new CO.Copy !req
75. Wait. Tell us about
the new captain.Copy !req
76. Captain Holt
will be here soon.Copy !req
77. He'll want to
introduce himself.Copy !req
78. Dismissed.Copy !req
79. Hey, Gina,
you know any scalpers?Copy !req
80. I wanna ask Rosa to go to
the Rihanna concert with me,Copy !req
81. but it's sold out.Copy !req
82. Okay, two points
to make here.Copy !req
83. First, Rihanna?Copy !req
84. You...
And then Rihanna.Copy !req
85. Yeah. What's your
second point?Copy !req
86. She's got a type,Copy !req
87. which is really
anyone but you.Copy !req
88. Yeah, that was my
ex-wife's type, too.Copy !req
89. Look, a Rihanna concert
is a pretty big swing, man.Copy !req
90. I don't know.Copy !req
91. She's into watching
old movies.Copy !req
92. Cool!Copy !req
93. Where would I find a place
that shows old movies?Copy !req
94. Oh, yeah. Just go
on the InternetCopy !req
95. and search
for the phrase,Copy !req
96. "I want to buy
two movie ticketsCopy !req
97. "for a girl
who doesn't like me."Copy !req
98. Great. Thank you.Copy !req
99. Hey, have you heard
anything about the new captain?Copy !req
100. Uh, no, and I don't care.Copy !req
101. I just wish Captain McGintley
never left.Copy !req
102. He was the best.Copy !req
103. He was terrible.Copy !req
104. You just liked him 'cause he
let you do anything you wanted.Copy !req
105. On your marks,
get set...Copy !req
106. Go.Copy !req
107. What the hell's goin' on
around here?Copy !req
108. Fire extinguisher
roller chair derby.Copy !req
109. Okay.Copy !req
110. And go!Copy !req
111. What's your point?Copy !req
112. If I'm ever gonna make captain,
I need a good mentor.Copy !req
113. I need my rabbi.Copy !req
114. Sorry, dude. But this new guy's gonna
be another washed-up pencil pusher,Copy !req
115. who's only
concerned withCopy !req
116. following
every rule in the Patrol Guide.Copy !req
117. Meep morp zeep!Copy !req
118. Robot captain engage.Copy !req
119. Is that what you think?
Hey!Copy !req
120. New captain alert.Copy !req
121. You must be the new CO.Copy !req
122. I'm Detective Jake Peralta.
Great to meet you.Copy !req
123. No, don't let me
interrupt you.Copy !req
124. You were describing what
kind of person I'm gonna be.Copy !req
125. I'd like you to finish.Copy !req
126. It's not necessary.Copy !req
127. Or I could recap
very quickly.Copy !req
128. Sure. Um, let's see.Copy !req
129. I think I said
some joke aboutCopy !req
130. being a washed-up
pencil-pusher.Copy !req
131. Now do the robot voice.Copy !req
132. The robot voice
you were doingCopy !req
133. when you implied
I'm a rule-following robot.Copy !req
134. I wanna hear it again.Copy !req
135. Meep, morp, zarp.Copy !req
136. Robot.Copy !req
137. That's a terrible
robot voice. Yup.Copy !req
138. The next time I see you,
I'd like you to be wearing a necktie.Copy !req
139. Oh, uh, actually,Copy !req
140. the last captain
didn't care if we wore ties.Copy !req
141. Well, your new
captain does.Copy !req
142. And more importantly, he cares
that you follow his direct orders.Copy !req
143. Everyone.Copy !req
144. I'm your new Commanding Officer,
Captain Ray Holt.Copy !req
145. Speech!Copy !req
146. That was my speech.Copy !req
147. Short and sweet.Copy !req
148. Sergeant Jeffords.
A word.Copy !req
149. Yes, sir.Copy !req
150. I love that guy.
Same!Copy !req
151. He's so suave.Copy !req
152. Does anyone get a
little bit of a gay vibe?Copy !req
153. No? Okay.Copy !req
154. Sergeant, you were in
the One-Eight with me.Copy !req
155. Though you were
significantly...Copy !req
156. Fatter,
sir. They called me Terry Titties.Copy !req
157. Because I had
large, uh...Copy !req
158. Titties.
Yes. I remember.Copy !req
159. I never liked
that nickname.Copy !req
160. Though to be fair,
it was accurate.Copy !req
161. What's this I hear about you
being on administrative leave?Copy !req
162. A year ago,
my wife and I had twin baby girls, uh...Copy !req
163. Cagney and Lacey.Copy !req
164. They have adorable
chubby cheeks.Copy !req
165. Ever since, I kinda
got scared of getting hurt.Copy !req
166. Lost my edge.Copy !req
167. There was an incident
in a department store.Copy !req
168. Hey, man. You okay?
You look a little jumpy.Copy !req
169. Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.Copy !req
170. I think he's dead.Copy !req
171. And I'm still not right.Copy !req
172. Tell me about your
detective squad.Copy !req
173. Um, well...Copy !req
174. Scully, Hitchcock,
and Daniels.Copy !req
175. They're pretty much
worthless.Copy !req
176. But they make
good coffee.Copy !req
177. Copy that.Copy !req
178. Now the good ones.Copy !req
179. Rosa Diaz.
Tough, smart,Copy !req
180. hard to read,
and really scary.Copy !req
181. Tell me who has me
for Secret Santa.Copy !req
182. No! That takes all
the fun out of it.Copy !req
183. It's Scully.Copy !req
184. He got you a scarf.Copy !req
185. I'll make him return it.Copy !req
186. Yes, you will.Copy !req
187. Charles Boyle.
He's a grinder.Copy !req
188. Not the most
brilliant detective,Copy !req
189. but he works harder
than anyone else.Copy !req
190. He's not physicallyCopy !req
191. gifted.Copy !req
192. Aw, man!
My muffin!Copy !req
193. Ah!Copy !req
194. Ow, my head!Copy !req
195. My muffin and my head!Copy !req
196. And I stepped on... On my muffin,
and my head and my muffin.Copy !req
197. Amy Santiago.Copy !req
198. She's got seven brothers.Copy !req
199. So she's always trying
to prove she's tough.Copy !req
200. Be careful.
That stuff's pretty hot.Copy !req
201. Oh, is it? Hmm?Copy !req
202. She and Peralta
have some big betCopy !req
203. over who gets
more arrests this year.Copy !req
204. Ever since the bet,
their numbers have gone way up.Copy !req
205. Tell me about Peralta.Copy !req
206. Jacob
Peralta is my best detective.Copy !req
207. He likes putting away
bad guysCopy !req
208. and he loves
solving puzzles.Copy !req
209. The only puzzle
he hasn't solvedCopy !req
210. is how to grow up.Copy !req
211. That was very well put.Copy !req
212. I've talked a lot
about Jake in myCopy !req
213. departmentally-mandated
therapy sessions.Copy !req
214. Look, you know
my history.Copy !req
215. You know how important
this is to me.Copy !req
216. This precinct is doing fine.Copy !req
217. But I want to make it
the best one in Brooklyn.Copy !req
218. And I need your help.Copy !req
219. Absolutely, sir.Copy !req
220. Where do we start?Copy !req
221. What is happening?Copy !req
222. We start with him.Copy !req
223. Okay. So the perp came
in through the window,Copy !req
224. left the muddy red footprint,Copy !req
225. and apparently had sex
with the dish rack.Copy !req
226. Shell casings found here.Copy !req
227. Two shots. Bang, bang.Copy !req
228. Great work, Detective.Copy !req
229. You get a tie.Copy !req
230. That's mine. You
took it from my desk.Copy !req
231. That's right, Charles. Good
solve. Tie for you. Thanks!Copy !req
232. Everyone, be sure
to put those onCopy !req
233. because it's impossible
to solve crimesCopy !req
234. unless you're
wearing a tie.Copy !req
235. Lay off the Captain.Copy !req
236. That man is gonna
be my rabbi.Copy !req
237. Okay, first of all,
when you use the word rabbi,Copy !req
238. you know that
turns me on.Copy !req
239. And that's unfair
in the work environment.Copy !req
240. Secondly, your rabbi
is a pain in my ass.Copy !req
241. Yeah, he's a little
too serious.Copy !req
242. What do you think,
Rosa? Seems cool.Copy !req
243. Yeah, seems cool.
I agree.Copy !req
244. Looks like
the perp stoleCopy !req
245. A computer, a watch,
and a Jamon Iberico ham,Copy !req
246. valued at...
What? $6,000.Copy !req
247. $6,000 for a ham?Copy !req
248. Jamon Iberico is an amazing
cured ham from Spain.Copy !req
249. They had it at
my uncle's funeral.Copy !req
250. I gorged myself
at that funeral.Copy !req
251. I mean,
I was constipated for three days.Copy !req
252. Wow. That's a great
story, Charles. Thank you.Copy !req
253. All right, listen up,
everybody.Copy !req
254. Better contact Captain Holt and let
him know we got a ten-tie situation.Copy !req
255. Speaking of ties,
where's yours, Meep-Morp?Copy !req
256. This is fantastic.Copy !req
257. Captain! Hey!Copy !req
258. Welcome to the murder.Copy !req
259. What are you doing here?Copy !req
260. I like to know what my
detectives are up to.Copy !req
261. Is that okay by you?Copy !req
262. Take Santiago
and knock on doors.Copy !req
263. See if the neighbors
heard anything.Copy !req
264. Door duty?
It's a waste of time.Copy !req
265. Diaz and Boyle,
check in with the coroner.Copy !req
266. Report back to me
in an hour.Copy !req
267. That went well.Copy !req
268. No, it didn't.Copy !req
269. He's got, like,
super hearing.Copy !req
270. Hey, Rosa.
Rosa, Rosa.Copy !req
271. Um...Copy !req
272. I just
happened to notice thatCopy !req
273. there's an
old movie festivalCopy !req
274. playing at the
Film Forum this week.Copy !req
275. You want to go?Copy !req
276. Sure.Copy !req
277. Cool! Awesome.Copy !req
278. There's a bunch
of movie options.Copy !req
279. I'll probably just go
with something classic.Copy !req
280. Like Citizen Kane.Copy !req
281. Citizen Kane is terrible.Copy !req
282. Pick a good movie.Copy !req
283. Good call. Smart.Copy !req
284. I'll do it. I'll pick
a better movie thanCopy !req
285. Citizen Kane.Copy !req
286. So, Gina,
civilian administrators like yourselfCopy !req
287. often have their ear
to the ground.Copy !req
288. What do Santiago and Peralta
have riding on this bet of theirs?Copy !req
289. I will tell you
on six conditions.Copy !req
290. Number one, you let
me use your officeCopy !req
291. to practice my dance moves.Copy !req
292. Second...
How about this?Copy !req
293. If you tell me...
Mmmhmm?Copy !req
294. I won't have you
suspendedCopy !req
295. without pay.
Oh, that sounds great.Copy !req
296. Okay, the deal is
if Amy gets more arrests,Copy !req
297. Jake has to give her his car.Copy !req
298. It's an old Mustang.
It's pretty sweet.Copy !req
299. If he gets more arrests,Copy !req
300. she has to go
on a date with him.Copy !req
301. He guaranteesCopy !req
302. it will end in sex.Copy !req
303. I'd bet on at least some
over-the-clothes action.Copy !req
304. At the very least
some touching.Copy !req
305. Oh, that's enough, Gina.
Caresses.Copy !req
306. I could see him showing
up in a silk robe...Copy !req
307. That's enough, Gina.Copy !req
308. All right.
Thank you.Copy !req
309. Let the wasting of time begin.Copy !req
310. Hello, sir.Copy !req
311. May we ask you
a few questions?Copy !req
312. Definitely. Yeah.Copy !req
313. I'm actually... I'm super glad
you guys are here right now.Copy !req
314. Are you smelling
that weed smell?Copy !req
315. Yeah.Copy !req
316. 'Cause a dude broke in,
smoked weed,Copy !req
317. and bolted. It's...Copy !req
318. Do you think
it's the same dudeCopy !req
319. that left that bong
there on the floor?Copy !req
320. Yes?Copy !req
321. Police!Copy !req
322. Hello.
Hello.Copy !req
323. What's your name?
My name?Copy !req
324. Mmmhmm.
Mlepnos.Copy !req
325. Can you spell
that, please?Copy !req
326. M-L-E-P...Copy !req
327. Clay.
Just a "Clay"?Copy !req
328. Yes. The "Clay" is silent.Copy !req
329. All right. Got it.Copy !req
330. Have you seen
this man before?Copy !req
331. He was shot last night.Copy !req
332. Oh!Copy !req
333. Thank you.Copy !req
334. No. Sir?
That's ours. We need that.Copy !req
335. We...
And he kept it.Copy !req
336. Wall Street Journal
on the doormat,Copy !req
337. top floor apartment.Copy !req
338. 20 bucks says this guy's like a hot,
eligible bachelor.Copy !req
339. I'll take that action.
Police, open up!Copy !req
340. Hello.Copy !req
341. Hello, sir!
How are you today?Copy !req
342. I am Detective
Right-All-The-Time,Copy !req
343. and this is my partner,
Detective Terrible-Detective.Copy !req
344. No surprises
from the coroner.Copy !req
345. Two gunshots,
shoulder and chest.Copy !req
346. None of the neighbors
heard or saw anything.Copy !req
347. And what's worse,
Santiago struck out with a 92-year-old.Copy !req
348. That is not accurate, sir.Copy !req
349. Wait, you hooked up
with him? Ugh!Copy !req
350. All right. Hit the pawnshops
and canvas the neighborhood.Copy !req
351. And while you're out,
you can buy yourself a tie.Copy !req
352. Oh, actually, sir...Copy !req
353. I'm wearing a tie
right now.Copy !req
354. Check it out!Copy !req
355. Secret tie!Copy !req
356. First of all, I think you're kind of
overdoing it with the manscaping.Copy !req
357. But more importantly,
Detective,Copy !req
358. why do you refuse to
take my orders seriously?Copy !req
359. Does anyone here know why
it's so important to meCopy !req
360. that you all dress
appropriately?Copy !req
361. Hmm. Four
highly-trained detectivesCopy !req
362. and not one of you can
solve this simple mystery.Copy !req
363. Okay, I want to be briefed
on any new developments.Copy !req
364. Any questions?Copy !req
365. I was gonna ask you if you thought
I was doing too much manscaping,Copy !req
366. but we solved that one,
so I'm good. Mmmhmm.Copy !req
367. Hey, Boyle.
Yup?Copy !req
368. What about this fancy
ham stuff? Jamon Iberico.Copy !req
369. Yes. The perp left
a really expensive TV,Copy !req
370. but then stole ham?
It doesn't make sense.Copy !req
371. Is there a place nearby
the crime scene that sells it?Copy !req
372. Beneficio's might.
Let's go.Copy !req
373. You're gonna brief
the CO first.Copy !req
374. We'll brief him after
we catch the guy.Copy !req
375. My name is Ratko.Copy !req
376. I don't know anything.Copy !req
377. Oh. Okay. You
recognize this guy?Copy !req
378. Henry Morgenthau?Copy !req
379. No.Copy !req
380. Maybe, actually...Copy !req
381. Look at the picture?
I don't know him.Copy !req
382. I don't know
what happened.Copy !req
383. No more questions!Copy !req
384. Well, why don't I run
a scenario past you, Ratko,Copy !req
385. and you tell me
what you think?Copy !req
386. You do know Morgenthau.Copy !req
387. He came in here and
tried to sell you some hams.Copy !req
388. You knew they were worth
a lot of money,Copy !req
389. so you tried to steal them
from him when he wasn't home.Copy !req
390. Only he was home,
so you shot him.Copy !req
391. Does that
sound familiar?Copy !req
392. Uh, maybe some role-play
will jog your memory?Copy !req
393. That's a great idea.
Okay, yeah.Copy !req
394. Okay.Copy !req
395. Uh, so I'm... I'm Ratko. No,
no, I'm Ratko.Copy !req
396. Come on.
I'm always the victim.Copy !req
397. Look, I'm not doing this
with you right here.Copy !req
398. Fine. Fine.Copy !req
399. Oh, I'm
Henry Morgenthau,Copy !req
400. owner of delicious
and expensive hams.Copy !req
401. Don't I know you from
the grocery store?Copy !req
402. Kill. And scene.Copy !req
403. NYPD. Everyone, down!Copy !req
404. Ma'am, if you could
just get down.Copy !req
405. Or ignore me
and continue shopping.Copy !req
406. Boyle, get the door!
On it.Copy !req
407. Ratko?Copy !req
408. Back up.Copy !req
409. Whoa. Whoa, whoa.Copy !req
410. Ow! Ratko!
I'm getting mad!Copy !req
411. That's a waste of Manchego!Copy !req
412. Charles!Copy !req
413. How are you
still here?Copy !req
414. Jake! Little help?Copy !req
415. Ratko!Copy !req
416. We're not going
anywhere, Jake.Copy !req
417. Ratko!Copy !req
418. I've got him.
It's cool. I got him.Copy !req
419. He's all mine.Copy !req
420. So, no,
I did not brief you.Copy !req
421. And, yes, he did get away.Copy !req
422. But, some
bonus good news.Copy !req
423. I got you hazelnut.Copy !req
424. And a
little spoon there for you.Copy !req
425. Is he seriously assigning
me to the records room?Copy !req
426. I mean, why do we even
have a records room?Copy !req
427. The computer has been invented,
right? I didn't dream it?Copy !req
428. You're lucky, man.Copy !req
429. I wish I could get
assigned here full time.Copy !req
430. You could not be farther
from the action.Copy !req
431. Sergeant,
you know me.Copy !req
432. I have more arrests
than anyone.Copy !req
433. Will you please tell the
Captain how dumb it isCopy !req
434. to lock his best detective
in a file cabinet?Copy !req
435. Second best.Copy !req
436. You're wrong about Holt.Copy !req
437. That man has forgotten more about
being a cop than you will ever know.Copy !req
438. In 1981, he caught
the Disco Strangler.Copy !req
439. It's over, Disco Man.Copy !req
440. Put down the yo-yo and
back away from the girl.Copy !req
441. Wow.
The man is the real deal.Copy !req
442. You need to listen to him.Copy !req
443. Going to be hard to win our bet
when you're on the bench, Peralta.Copy !req
444. Although, I did start
a new category.Copy !req
445. "Murderers we let go."Copy !req
446. And look at that!Copy !req
447. You're winning!Copy !req
448. Have fun with your files.Copy !req
449. Yeah. You know what? I
will have fun with my files.Copy !req
450. Have fun with your face!Copy !req
451. Slam!Copy !req
452. That was a slam.Copy !req
453. So? What movie did you
get us tickets to?Copy !req
454. Oh, well,
just to be safe,Copy !req
455. I bought tickets
to all of them.Copy !req
456. "Just to be safe?"
What does that mean?Copy !req
457. I don't know. Uh,
I didn't wanna mess up,Copy !req
458. because you're
sort of opinionated.Copy !req
459. You think
I'm opinionated?Copy !req
460. Okay, here's
an opinion for you.Copy !req
461. You're a bad judge
of characterCopy !req
462. and your shirt
looks like vomit.Copy !req
463. So we can go see
North by Northwest.Copy !req
464. We are not seeing
a movie together.Copy !req
465. Good call. Smart.Copy !req
466. Keep it profesh.Copy !req
467. Hey, Captain.
So you found something?Copy !req
468. Hey, I like the tie.Copy !req
469. If you can't beat 'em,
join 'em.Copy !req
470. Anyway, I think I got
something good here.Copy !req
471. Turns out the name
Ratko is made up.Copy !req
472. But I was digging
through these files,Copy !req
473. one of which I literally
found in a spider web,Copy !req
474. and it turns out there were a bunch
of references to a Serbian thug.Copy !req
475. Street names, "The Rat"
and "The Butcher."Copy !req
476. He was known to hang out at a
storage unit near Boerum Park,Copy !req
477. which has red soil, hence,Copy !req
478. the muddy red footprint
on Morgenthau's counter.Copy !req
479. That's fine work,
Detective.Copy !req
480. Thank you very much, sir.Copy !req
481. A testament
to what can be achievedCopy !req
482. when you dress appropriately.Copy !req
483. Let's pound it out.Copy !req
484. You know what?
Such fine police work.Copy !req
485. Let's share it
with the whole team.Copy !req
486. Santiago, Boyle,
Diaz, get in here.Copy !req
487. Bring everyone.
And a camera.Copy !req
488. That's not necessary.Copy !req
489. Let's have a hand for the work
of the fine... Oh, they're here!Copy !req
490. master detective,
Jake Peralta.Copy !req
491. Yeah. Let's have a hand,
everyone. Give him a hand.Copy !req
492. Yeah, nice!Copy !req
493. Yeah. Thank you.
Looking good!Copy !req
494. No record
of Ratko on the ledger.Copy !req
495. Must have used cash.Copy !req
496. Well, I for one
am just pumpedCopy !req
497. to be on a stakeout
with you, Captain.Copy !req
498. You know what my favorite
thing about stakeouts is?Copy !req
499. Patrol Guide says,
"No dress code."Copy !req
500. So I'm just
the zip-up hoodieCopy !req
501. and my two best friends.Copy !req
502. Does he always
talk this much?Copy !req
503. I just tune it out.Copy !req
504. It's like a white
noise machine.Copy !req
505. Okay, first of all,
that's racist.Copy !req
506. Secondly...Copy !req
507. Captain, Terry told meCopy !req
508. you caught
the Disco Strangler?Copy !req
509. I mean,
that's incredible.Copy !req
510. I've read that case.Copy !req
511. With all due respect, sir,Copy !req
512. why'd it take you so long
to get your first command?Copy !req
513. Because I'm gay.Copy !req
514. Uh...Copy !req
515. Seriously?Copy !req
516. I'm surprised
you didn't know.Copy !req
517. I don't try
to hide it.Copy !req
518. Did anyone else get a
little bit of a gay vibe?Copy !req
519. Manscaping.Copy !req
520. Damn.Copy !req
521. I am not
a good detective.Copy !req
522. Here. I feel badCopy !req
523. that you spent all that
money on the movie tickets.Copy !req
524. Why don't you just go to
the movies with me? Nope.Copy !req
525. Okay.Copy !req
526. Well, this is awkward.Copy !req
527. It's not awkward.Copy !req
528. I like your company.Copy !req
529. You're sweet.Copy !req
530. When did you
come out?Copy !req
531. About 25 years ago.Copy !req
532. The NYPD was not ready
for an openly gay detective.Copy !req
533. But then the old
guard died out,Copy !req
534. and suddenly, they couldn't
wait to show off the factCopy !req
535. that they had a highly
ranking gay officer.Copy !req
536. I made Captain,Copy !req
537. but they put me
in a public affairs unit.Copy !req
538. I was a good soldier.Copy !req
539. I helped recruitment.Copy !req
540. But all I ever really wanted
was my own command.Copy !req
541. And now, I finally got it.Copy !req
542. And I'm not gonna
screw it up.Copy !req
543. Uh, Captain,
I'm sorry. I...Copy !req
544. I feel like a jackass.Copy !req
545. But, on the flipside,
there's Ratko.Copy !req
546. Humility over.
I'm amazing.Copy !req
547. Fantastic. 3,000
identical blue doors.Copy !req
548. Looks like we all
got door duty.Copy !req
549. Oh, yeah.
From before.Copy !req
550. Good one.Copy !req
551. You look great.Copy !req
552. Clear.Copy !req
553. Clear.Copy !req
554. Okay.Copy !req
555. Unbelievable.
Unbelievable!Copy !req
556. Ratko, great to see you.Copy !req
557. You can't stop me.Copy !req
558. I'm going.
Actually...Copy !req
559. You're not going anywhere.Copy !req
560. 'Cause if you take
a look to your leftCopy !req
561. you'll see Detectives
Boyle and Diaz.Copy !req
562. Right there
is Detective Santiago.Copy !req
563. And behind you
is Captain Holt.Copy !req
564. Point is, my team
has you surrounded.Copy !req
565. Oh, my God! I just
got the tie thing!Copy !req
566. Captain,
I just figured it out.Copy !req
567. Maybe now's not
the best time, Detective.Copy !req
568. It's a uniform.Copy !req
569. We're a team,Copy !req
570. and the tie is a part of
that team's uniform, right?Copy !req
571. You ask Ratko
what team?Copy !req
572. No, Ratko, shut up.Copy !req
573. It's important to you, because you
were kept off the team for so long,Copy !req
574. and now you're the coachCopy !req
575. and you want us to all
wear that same uniform.Copy !req
576. Boom! Nailed it!Copy !req
577. Yes, you did.
Now, just arrest Ratko.Copy !req
578. All right, Ratko, down.
Drop the weapon.Copy !req
579. Hands on your head.
Here we go.Copy !req
580. He's running!Copy !req
581. Got him.Copy !req
582. Hands behind your back.
Hands behind your back!Copy !req
583. Stay down.Copy !req
584. That's how we do
it in the Nine-Nine, sir.Copy !req
585. We catch bad guys,
and look good doing it.Copy !req
586. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
587. Never took off the Speedo.
Big mistake.Copy !req
588. It is inside me.Copy !req
589. Great work, team!Copy !req