1. - Thanks for helping me
with spring cleaning, malloy.Copy !req
2. - This is a weird comic book.
Klan man?Copy !req
3. - Oh, klan man.Copy !req
4. Across the air,
across the sea,Copy !req
5. And a cross on your lawn.Copy !req
6. Oh, you should've seen
lynch lady.Copy !req
7. Ooh, she was
a real piece of ass.Copy !req
8. - Whoa. Look at all
this cool stuff you can buy.Copy !req
9. X-ray glasses, spy pens,
sea monkeys,Copy !req
10. And a real rocket ship
for only two bucks?Copy !req
11. oh, malloy.Copy !req
12. It's all novelty bullshit
to trick little kids.Copy !req
13. None of that crap ever worked.Copy !req
14. - This is america.Copy !req
15. They couldn't advertise
something if it wasn't true.Copy !req
16. - Aah!
Novelty bullshit.Copy !req
17. Lou, we got an order!Copy !req
18. - Aah!Copy !req
19. - Morning, rangers.
For today's bonding exercise,Copy !req
20. I want each of you
to finish this sentence—Copy !req
21. Connie is so ugly...Copy !req
22. - Her mirror went blind!Copy !req
23. - Lena dunham thinks
she looks gross naked.Copy !req
24. - My dildo went limp.Copy !req
25. I hate these exercises.Copy !req
26. - It's called
"team building," connie.Copy !req
27. As you know, this weekend
brickleberry is hostingCopy !req
28. A regatta
for super-rich yacht owners.Copy !req
29. It's my chance to suck
golden b-hole for a few daysCopy !req
30. And get invited
to their fancy villas.Copy !req
31. Your job is to make sure
these rich peopleCopy !req
32. Don't see any disgusting
poor people in the park.Copy !req
33. - How do we get rid
of the poor people?Copy !req
34. - God used katrina.Copy !req
35. - There's too many poor people
in this park to hide.Copy !req
36. They tube down the river
every weekend.Copy !req
37. - That's why you and connie
are gonna dam it upCopy !req
38. With these.Copy !req
39. Got 'em for a steal
on libyan storage wars.Copy !req
40. - I don't know, woody.
Those look radioactive.Copy !req
41. - But if it wasn't
for radiation,Copy !req
42. You'd still be bruce banner.Copy !req
43. - Steve, ethel,
take the helicopterCopy !req
44. And remove all the white-trash
trailers from the park.Copy !req
45. - I can't go in the helicopter!Copy !req
46. - What? Why the hell not?
- It's scary.Copy !req
47. - Scarier than this?Copy !req
48. I can kill a man in seven
different ways with this finger.Copy !req
49. - Okay! I'll go in the chopper!
Just don't finger me!Copy !req
50. - I loved that episode
of airwolf.Copy !req
51. - So how exactly is a helicopter
going to get the trailers out?Copy !req
52. - Woody bought this giant
wile e. Coyote magnet.Copy !req
53. Here you go. Oh, try not
to faint when we're airborne.Copy !req
54. - You want me to fly this thing?
Why can't you?Copy !req
55. - Two reasons—one, I lost
my license for flying drunk,Copy !req
56. And, two, I'm drunk.Copy !req
57. I can't!Copy !req
58. what a pussy.Copy !req
59. - There's no way I can fly again
after what happened last time.Copy !req
60. Mayday! Mayday!Copy !req
61. I don't want to die!Copy !req
62. - Did you just throw up
in there, mister?Copy !req
63. - No, I didn't just throw up.Copy !req
64. I also shit myself.Copy !req
65. - Ugh.
Why ain't we moving?Copy !req
66. - So last night
when my girl saidCopy !req
67. She wanted to slip into
something more comfortable,Copy !req
68. I didn't know
she meant a coma.Copy !req
69. Hey, what's wrong with you?
That's funny.Copy !req
70. I mean, it's sad, too,
'cause she died.Copy !req
71. - I'm sick
of being called ugly, denzel.Copy !req
72. There's only so much
a girl can take.Copy !req
73. One day I'm gonna snap,
and when I do—Copy !req
74. - Calm down.
At least I appreciate you.Copy !req
75. - Really?
- Sure.Copy !req
76. Ugly people like you exist
to make people appreciateCopy !req
77. Handsome people like me.Copy !req
78. - I've had enough of this!Copy !req
79. Aah!Copy !req
80. Aah!Copy !req
81. hah.Copy !req
82. - Aah!
What are you doing?Copy !req
83. - I was saving your life.Copy !req
84. - Next time let me die!
Where the hell are we?Copy !req
85. - Looks like
a deserted island.Copy !req
86. - Damn,
it's just like my dream,Copy !req
87. Only you ain't cloris leachman
with a hot wing for a clitoris.Copy !req
88. - I'm scared, denzel.Copy !req
89. What if no one
ever finds us here?Copy !req
90. I'll die a virgin!
Unless...Copy !req
91. - Yeah, I'm gonna be real sad
at your virgin funeral.Copy !req
92. - Hey, what the hell
you doing to my house?Copy !req
93. - Woody wants
all you poor people gone,Copy !req
94. So I was trying to tow
your trailer.Copy !req
95. - This is a mobile home.Copy !req
96. It ain't designed
to be moved.Copy !req
97. - Wouldn't a helicopterCopy !req
98. And a wile e. Coyote magnet
work better?Copy !req
99. - Yes. Yes, it would,
but I'm too afraid to fly.Copy !req
100. - You know, me and bobby used
to have anxiety issues too.Copy !req
101. really?Copy !req
102. - Yep. I had claustrophobia,
agoraphobia,Copy !req
103. And a constant fear
of mortality.Copy !req
104. - And I used to goats.Copy !req
105. - Then we saw a hypnotist
in chinatown who cured us.Copy !req
106. - Now I'm a well-adjusted,
perfectly normal sheep.Copy !req
107. - That's my favorite
randy travis song.Copy !req
108. - Yes, me mr. Chen.
What I do for you?Copy !req
109. - I want you to hypnotize me.Copy !req
110. Also, I have a stain
I can't get out.Copy !req
111. - How you get this much
"chocorate" on your pants?Copy !req
112. - Helicopter accident.
That's why I'm here.Copy !req
113. I need you to make me
a fearless pilot.Copy !req
114. - Okay. I give you two for one—
pants and trance combo.Copy !req
115. - To be honest,
I doubt a strong mind like thisCopy !req
116. Can even be hypnoti—Copy !req
117. This ancient chinese symbol
of courage.Copy !req
118. As "rong" as you wear it
around your neck,Copy !req
119. You will be a brave "pirot,"Copy !req
120. A "fearress pirot"!Copy !req
121. - Argh!
I'm a fearless pirate!Copy !req
122. - No! Not pirate!
"pirot"!Copy !req
123. - Denzel,
just so you know,Copy !req
124. If you die suddenly,
I'm going to eat you.Copy !req
125. - Oh, my god!
Connie, look at this!Copy !req
126. - Please be a fatburger.
Please be a fatburger.Copy !req
127. - Oh, my—Copy !req
128. - Hello, ladies.Copy !req
129. - What a magnificent creature.Copy !req
130. - It is nice, isn't it?Copy !req
131. - Not you, rat face!Copy !req
132. The red-haired goddess.Copy !req
133. - You blind, right?Copy !req
134. - Welcome to lesbo island,
beautiful one.Copy !req
135. How can we serve you?Copy !req
136. - This can't be real.
I must be dreaming.Copy !req
137. Somebody pinch me.Copy !req
138. When I said "pinch,"
I meant finger-blastCopy !req
139. Till I squirt all over
your breasts.Copy !req
140. - Oh, the escort service
cut me offCopy !req
141. 'cause they claim
I'm a "dead-eyed weirdo."Copy !req
142. whatever that means.Copy !req
143. So you're gonna be my date
to the welcoming party tomorrow.Copy !req
144. I want you to wear
your sluttiest dressCopy !req
145. And act like you want
to bone me.Copy !req
146. - Ew, gross.Copy !req
147. - Would you rather have
to eat cat food?Copy !req
148. 'cause you'll be unemployed!Copy !req
149. - Avast, ye scoundrel.
Unhand that lass!Copy !req
150. - What the?
Is it gay pride day already?Copy !req
151. - Steve?Copy !req
152. - Captain steve,
me buxom beauty—Copy !req
153. The bravest pirate
in all the seven seas.Copy !req
154. - Oh, cut the shit, steve.
- Take heed, commander...Copy !req
155. For me intention be
to plunder yer land,Copy !req
156. Looking for booty
of the flesh or coin.Copy !req
157. - oh, my.
- I mean it, steve!Copy !req
158. I don't have time for
this happy horseshit! Stop it!Copy !req
159. - Watch ye mouth, landlubber,
or pay with ye life.Copy !req
160. - Don't make me pull out
the kill finger!Copy !req
161. Aah! My kill finger—
you killed it!Copy !req
162. Damn it!
Slippery piece of—gah! Gah!Copy !req
163. - I'll be back
for a better look later.Copy !req
164. - I'm wetter than rebel wilson
at an airport cinnabon.Copy !req
165. - Where is it?
Where is it?Copy !req
166. Shit, why are there so many
severed fingers under my desk?Copy !req
167. - Mark me words—
ye will rue the dayCopy !req
168. Ye crossed swords
with captain steve.Copy !req
169. This be war.Copy !req
170. - Stop talking in ebonics!Copy !req
171. Ooh, I'm gonna get you
for this, steve!Copy !req
172. God damn it!Copy !req
173. - Aah!
These x-ray glasses work!Copy !req
174. - No, they don't.
I'm naked.Copy !req
175. Where the hell are denzel
and connie?Copy !req
176. They should be here.Copy !req
177. - Connie's coming?Copy !req
178. Not worth the risk.Copy !req
179. - And that goddamn steve—Copy !req
180. Good thing he didn't get
my favorite finger.Copy !req
181. Jesus christ!
What the is his problem?Copy !req
182. - He thinks he's a pirateCopy !req
183. 'cause he went
to bobby possumcods' hypnotist.Copy !req
184. - Well, I got to find
this hypnotistCopy !req
185. And get him to snap steve
out of itCopy !req
186. Before he screws up my regatta.Copy !req
187. - The guy's somewhere
in chinatown.Copy !req
188. - What's his name?
- I don't know.Copy !req
189. But I'll draw you a picture.Copy !req
190. - Hey, this you?Copy !req
191. - You must be worshipped
where you come from.Copy !req
192. You're beautiful
from head to toe to camel toe.Copy !req
193. - Thanks.
I can pick up a pencil with it.Copy !req
194. Want to see?
- Nope, that's okay!Copy !req
195. - Shut up, ugly man!
You're not welcome here.Copy !req
196. Beautiful one, I know we're all
so plain next to you,Copy !req
197. But do any of us
appeal to you...Copy !req
198. Sexually?
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
199. I'd give my left lip
to do any of you!Copy !req
200. - Pick me!
- No, me!Copy !req
201. - No, me!Copy !req
202. - I can lick the bark
off a tree!Copy !req
203. - Stop!
To keep the peace,Copy !req
204. She will choose just one of us
to sleep with.Copy !req
205. - Hey, connie, I think
my cell phone's working!Copy !req
206. - Ooh, let me see it.Copy !req
207. Oops.Copy !req
208. - I had to hire
security guardsCopy !req
209. To keep captain asshole steve
out of here.Copy !req
210. - Well, I think he's charming.Copy !req
211. Plus, it was pretty hilarious
when he cut off your fingers,Copy !req
212. Which aren't looking
so good.Copy !req
213. - These are my fingers, ethel,
and I'm not giving up on them!Copy !req
214. They are gonna take root!Copy !req
215. - As head of the yachting
association, I have to say,Copy !req
216. If the regatta comes out
nearly as well as this party,Copy !req
217. I want you to join us next year
in australia.Copy !req
218. - Great. I can't wait to try
one of those...Copy !req
219. bloomin' onions.Copy !req
220. - Splendid. And who is
this lovely creature?Copy !req
221. - oh, my date.
She wants to bone me.Copy !req
222. - Yeah. Dead-eyed fatties
turn me on so hard.Copy !req
223. - See? I told you.
- Well, if she were my date,Copy !req
224. I couldn't keep my hands
off her.Copy !req
225. - Oh, yeah?
Well, go ahead.Copy !req
226. Give them sweater stretchers
a squeeze.Copy !req
227. She don't care.
- I do care!Copy !req
228. - Well, as long
as she doesn't care...Copy !req
229. - Hands off her,
ye mangy bilge rat!Copy !req
230. - God damn it,
it's pirate steve!Copy !req
231. - Are ye okay, lass?
- I am now.Copy !req
232. - This pirate
is a cockblocker.Copy !req
233. - A lady is to be pleased,
not squeezed, sir.Copy !req
234. The cost of that lesson
be yer gold piece.Copy !req
235. Till we meet again.Copy !req
236. Mwah.Copy !req
237. Hiya! Hee-ha! Hee-ha!Copy !req
238. Hiya! Hee-ha! Hee-ha!
Hiya! Hee!Copy !req
239. - How the hell
does he do that?Copy !req
240. - Hear this, me hearties!
I need a crew.Copy !req
241. The tyrant woody and his scourge
of entitled imperialistsCopy !req
242. Are endeavoring to rid
this fair land of its poor,Copy !req
243. So it be our duty to rid them
of their fineries!Copy !req
244. - What'd he say?
- He said we must preyCopy !req
245. Upon the golden galleons
of the oppressor, bobby.Copy !req
246. - Oh, okay.
Do we get to rape?Copy !req
247. - Alas, pirates
don't rape anymore.Copy !req
248. - Aw.
- Oh, man.Copy !req
249. - Except for the last
pirates of the caribbean,Copy !req
250. Which raped the eyes
of the audience.Copy !req
251. - Well, at least
we get to pillage!Copy !req
252. - Aye.
Are ye with me?Copy !req
253. - Yeah!
- Hell, yeah!Copy !req
254. - Hobo larry raped
a warm can of beans once.Copy !req
255. Yep, I was porkin' beans.Copy !req
256. - Yeah! Yeah!
- Pirates, yeah!Copy !req
257. - Aah!Copy !req
258. - Jim, you goddamn
son of a bitch!Copy !req
259. Where are you mother
taking me?Copy !req
260. Jim!Copy !req
261. - For ye, me lovely.Copy !req
262. - Oh, captain steve,
it's beautiful.Copy !req
263. - Hey, that's
my diamond necklace!Copy !req
264. - Ye son of a bitch!Copy !req
265. - If anyone asks
who just robbed ye,Copy !req
266. Tell 'em captain steve.Copy !req
267. - And don't take it personal
that we didn't rape y'all.Copy !req
268. We're trying to cut back.Copy !req
269. - You're amazing!Copy !req
270. Wait. Hmm.Copy !req
271. Only a one-inch thigh gap.Copy !req
272. Next!Copy !req
273. - Damn, connie,
why you being so picky?Copy !req
274. - I only have
one hymen, denzel.Copy !req
275. - Well, we're running
out of girls,Copy !req
276. So you better hurry up
and choose a cooz.Copy !req
277. - Don't worry. I'll know when
the right one comes along.Copy !req
278. - All right.
Next we have alexa.Copy !req
279. Connie, are you okay?Copy !req
280. Lift your loincloth, please.Copy !req
281. It's perfect.Copy !req
282. Like a rose
made of prosciutto.Copy !req
283. - Malloy,
those rich pole smokersCopy !req
284. Are crawling up my ass
about steveCopy !req
285. And his thieving band
of salty shit-dogs.Copy !req
286. I got to get him
and his stupid ship out of here!Copy !req
287. - Why don't we blow it up
with this polaris nuclear sub?Copy !req
288. It fires real torpedoes,
and it's only $6.98!Copy !req
289. - It's made
of cardboard, malloy!Copy !req
290. What the hell was that?Copy !req
291. Holy shit.Copy !req
292. - Whoo!
- Ha ha!Copy !req
293. - You blew up my house,
you crazy son of a bitch!Copy !req
294. - Please...Copy !req
295. Accept this as my apology.Copy !req
296. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
297. Aah!Copy !req
298. Oh, god.
What am I gonna do?Copy !req
299. - We here for reward.Copy !req
300. - Are any of you a hypnotist?
- No.Copy !req
301. - No, not me. No, no, no.Copy !req
302. - I sell mogwais.Copy !req
303. - Get the hell out of here!Copy !req
304. What am I supposed to do
with a chinese army?Copy !req
305. Oh, holy shanghai,
that's it!Copy !req
306. If steve wants to play pirate,
we'll play pirate.Copy !req
307. - Pirate?
We can't fly a "prane."Copy !req
308. - So you even hear
with an accent?Copy !req
309. - Mmm. Alexa.Copy !req
310. Mmm.
Prosciutto.Copy !req
311. - Connie, wake up!
It's me!Copy !req
312. I'm gonna sneak down to the
beach while everyone's asleepCopy !req
313. And build a raft to escape.
- You're leaving? Why?Copy !req
314. - There's something weird
going on here.Copy !req
315. I think we might be in danger.
- You're just jealousCopy !req
316. Because now I'm beautiful
and you're the ugly one.Copy !req
317. - Look, whatever!
I'm out of here!Copy !req
318. - Fine!Copy !req
319. Wait, denzel. Can you give this
to alexa for me?Copy !req
320. I've taken up whittling.Copy !req
321. - Hey, you're a man!
What's a man doin—Copy !req
322. - I love being a pirate!
I can finally wipe myself!Copy !req
323. Can somebody drive me
to the hospital?Copy !req
324. - Everybody grab a ginsu.Copy !req
325. What the...?Copy !req
326. Uh, anybody want some beans?Copy !req
327. - Ha ha!
Looking for someone?Copy !req
328. - Hey, dumb-ass,
nice ambush.Copy !req
329. We outnumber you
three to one.Copy !req
330. - Aah!Copy !req
331. - Then I'd say the odds
are squarely in our favor.Copy !req
332. Right, mateys?Copy !req
333. Mwah.Copy !req
334. - Now it's just ye and me.Copy !req
335. - Get him, captain steve!Copy !req
336. - Now walk the plank,
fatscallion.Copy !req
337. - Good-bye, cruel world!Copy !req
338. ow!Copy !req
339. I broke my goddamn ankles!Copy !req
340. - And now for me reward.Copy !req
341. - You're so brave,
captain steve.Copy !req
342. You should come by
my cabin later.Copy !req
343. - Ha ha! Looks like I found
a chink in his armor.Copy !req
344. - Hey, what the hell?
- Figure of speech—Copy !req
345. Don't get offended.Copy !req
346. - Blimey!Copy !req
347. Aah!Copy !req
348. - One free fluff and fold?Copy !req
349. Oh!Copy !req
350. - Where am I?
Why am I upside down?Copy !req
351. - Captain steve,
your pirate assCopy !req
352. Is about to be
in the bunghole.Copy !req
353. - So this is what you freaks do
when I'm not around?Copy !req
354. - You built a sex dungeon
under your cabin?Copy !req
355. - Well, it's a lot more
practical than a basement.Copy !req
356. And if I ever need
a regular dungeon,Copy !req
357. I just take out the dildos.Copy !req
358. - But why are you
locking me up?Copy !req
359. - Because I need this regatta
to go well,Copy !req
360. And I can't have captain steve
running aroundCopy !req
361. Like a crazy pirate!Copy !req
362. - I was a pirate?Copy !req
363. - Get in there.Copy !req
364. Hilda, it's your lucky day.
You're free to go.Copy !req
365. - I can really go,
just like that after 12 years?Copy !req
366. - Hilda, don't let
this experience define you.Copy !req
367. - You're just in time to enterCopy !req
368. The wonderful world
of amazing sea monkeys.Copy !req
369. That's it? It doesn't look
anything like the box.Copy !req
370. - Malloy,
I-I tried to tell you.Copy !req
371. - You know what
the worst part is?Copy !req
372. That you were actually right
about something for once.Copy !req
373. This stuff is bullshit.Copy !req
374. - And now, my wealthy friends
with vacation homesCopy !req
375. In places
I would like to visit,Copy !req
376. The moment
we've been waiting for—Copy !req
377. The brickleberry regatta!Copy !req
378. On your mark, get set...Copy !req
379. - What the hell?
- Holy shit!Copy !req
380. It does look like the box!
I told you this stuff works!Copy !req
381. - Face it, woody—
there's only one heroCopy !req
382. Brave enough
to fight this monster.Copy !req
383. - Klan man?
- Captain steve!Copy !req
384. - Please!
Y'all can't do this to connie!Copy !req
385. - Are you ready to mate
with your chosen one?Copy !req
386. - What do you think?
I'm leaving a snail trail.Copy !req
387. - Aah!Copy !req
388. - Oh, my god.Copy !req
389. - Are you ready for me, connie?Copy !req
390. - Uh-huh.
- Come here.Copy !req
391. - I can't.Copy !req
392. - What? Why not?Copy !req
393. - Because...Copy !req
394. You're... So... Ugly!Copy !req
395. - That's right, connie.
This is you're so ugly!Copy !req
396. The reality show that
humiliates unattractive people!Copy !req
397. - But...
- We were going to punkCopy !req
398. Some other beast,
but then you washed up onshore,Copy !req
399. And we couldn't believe
our luck.Copy !req
400. - You mean I'm not having sex
with alexa?Copy !req
401. - Oh, come on, did you really
think someone like youCopy !req
402. Could get someone like her?Copy !req
403. - Sorry, connie. I couldn't stop
these sick bastards.Copy !req
404. - "sick"? Hey, we're just giving
america what it wants.Copy !req
405. Nothing gets ratings
like degrading people,Copy !req
406. Especially a hideous,
trout-faced monster like connie.Copy !req
407. Am I right, ladies?Copy !req
408. Yeah!Copy !req
409. - Oh.Copy !req
410. - There it is!
- Holy shit!Copy !req
411. What is that?
- It's the sea monster!Copy !req
412. - You said "sea monkey."Copy !req
413. I was planning to overfeed it
to death.Copy !req
414. I can't fight that thing.
- Sure you can.Copy !req
415. You're captain steve,
the fearless pirate.Copy !req
416. - Ethel, the truth is,
I was only fearlessCopy !req
417. Because a hypnotist
put a medallion around my neck.Copy !req
418. Without that, I'm nothing.Copy !req
419. - No, steve, the medallion
didn't do brave things.Copy !req
420. You did.Copy !req
421. Now it's time
to believe in yoursel—Copy !req
422. Aah!
Help, steve! Help!Copy !req
423. - Aah!Copy !req
424. - You're in no danger!Copy !req
425. This is all part
of the entertainment!Copy !req
426. Great special effects, huh?Copy !req
427. - shit!Copy !req
428. help!Copy !req
429. Steve, I knew you were brave.Copy !req
430. I'm gonna die.Copy !req
431. I'm gonna die!Copy !req
432. - Ah, bad idea!Copy !req
433. - Yes! I got to order
more of these!Copy !req
434. - Ahh!Copy !req
435. - Hey, captain steve!
What's up?Copy !req
436. - Men, you're alive!
I'm gonna get you out of here.Copy !req
437. - No, we like it here.
- What?Copy !req
438. - In the last two minutes,Copy !req
439. We formed our own little
utopian society.Copy !req
440. - It's like the 4-h club
with less!Copy !req
441. - Guys, if we don't get out,Copy !req
442. The stomach acid will eat
through our skin.Copy !req
443. - Well, that explains
the skeleton foot.Copy !req
444. - I've got it!
Everybody get on the cannon.Copy !req
445. - Aye, aye, captain.Copy !req
446. Oh!Copy !req
447. - Steve, that was so brave!
I can't believe you survived.Copy !req
448. - Oh, my god, you're right.Copy !req
449. I almost died!Copy !req
450. At least
we can have sex now.Copy !req
451. - I'm sorry I ever
called you ugly, connie.Copy !req
452. - That's okay. At least
you tried to look out for me.Copy !req
453. Hey, do you think
I overreacted?Copy !req
454. - No.Copy !req
455. - Poor jim
didn't make it out alive.Copy !req
456. - Again! Again! That's better
than six flags!Copy !req
457. - Screw those rich bastards.Copy !req
458. If we can't keep the poor out,
let 'em pour in.Copy !req
459. Argh! Step right up,
ye poor people!Copy !req
460. Ride the sunken monkey!Copy !req