1. - Here's to having
nothing to celebrate.Copy !req
2. - Actually,
today's my birthday.Copy !req
3. - Like I said,
nothing to celebrate!Copy !req
4. - Hey, where's malloy?Copy !req
5. - Eh, he couldn't be here.
He got tied up.Copy !req
6. - I'm going
to get woody for this.Copy !req
7. Oh, god!Copy !req
8. Why are you looking at me
like that?Copy !req
9. That is an odd place
to keep your lipstick.Copy !req
10. - What's the matter, buddy?Copy !req
11. Are you still bummedCopy !req
12. About your episode
of intervention?Copy !req
13. - Steve, we're here
because we all love you,Copy !req
14. But you've got
to stop jizzing inside us.Copy !req
15. - I'm sorry.
It just feels so good.Copy !req
16. - Feels good?Copy !req
17. I'm stiff as a board,
you freaky bastard!Copy !req
18. - Nah, it's ethel.Copy !req
19. You know how much I like her,Copy !req
20. But she won't give me
the time of day.Copy !req
21. Now she's dating
the ceo of skymall.Copy !req
22. What does he have that I don't?
- Telephone shoes?Copy !req
23. - You're right.
I don't stand a chance.Copy !req
24. - Steve, you got to get women
when they're down.Copy !req
25. That's what I do, literally.Copy !req
26. I get life alert calls
forwarded to my phone.Copy !req
27. - I've fallen,
and I can't get up!Copy !req
28. - See if you can slip
your panties off.Copy !req
29. I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
30. - It may look like an ordinary
fan-cooled solar safari hat,Copy !req
31. But it's also a litter box.Copy !req
32. skymall!Copy !req
33. - That's amazing.Copy !req
34. I was just telling a friend
that I wish I had a hatCopy !req
35. That a cat could shit in.
- Skymall!Copy !req
36. - Listen, I know we've only
been on a couple of dates,Copy !req
37. But I see a real future for us.Copy !req
38. - I thought you might say that.
That's why I got you this.Copy !req
39. - oh, my god!
The answer is ye—Copy !req
40. - It's the world's smallest
white noise machine.Copy !req
41. - What?
But what about us?Copy !req
42. - We're done.
I'm not ready to settle down.Copy !req
43. But you can set this
to heavy rainCopy !req
44. To mask the sound
of your tears.Copy !req
45. - You're breaking up with me?Copy !req
46. - Skymall!Copy !req
47. - Give me that.
- Steve, now's your chance.Copy !req
48. Ethel's lower
than abe vigoda's left nut.Copy !req
49. - Her next bottle's on me.Copy !req
50. - No, I'll call you,
I promise.Copy !req
51. We just in the bathroom.
I'm out!Copy !req
52. - Are you sure
you're okay to drive?Copy !req
53. - Are you sure you're okay to
mind your own goddamn business?Copy !req
54. I'm fine.Copy !req
55. You're doing good, johnson.Copy !req
56. Just keep it between the lines.Copy !req
57. Oh, crap. Malloy, quick!
Get behind the wheel!Copy !req
58. Malloy!Copy !req
59. Ah!
I thought red meant stop!Copy !req
60. What did I do last night?Copy !req
61. I was inside of you.Copy !req
62. Oh, god!
Okay, ethel, don't panic.Copy !req
63. You know what to do.Copy !req
64. Listen, steve, you can't
tell anyone about this.Copy !req
65. - Why not? It was the best night
of our lives.Copy !req
66. - No, it was not.Copy !req
67. I had too much to drink,
and I made a mistake.Copy !req
68. So keep your mouth shut.Copy !req
69. - What kind of guy
do you think I am?Copy !req
70. - Why did I pay to see this?Copy !req
71. I don't subscribe
to psoriasis weekly.Copy !req
72. - Hey, love bagel.Copy !req
73. Where should I put
my viggo mortensenCopy !req
74. Up-skirt-shot
coffee-table book?Copy !req
75. - Steve, are you trying
to move in?Copy !req
76. - We had sex, didn't we?Copy !req
77. It's only a matter of timeCopy !req
78. Before we have
our marvel heroes wedding.Copy !req
79. - Steve, wake up!Copy !req
80. Just because
we had drunken mistake sexCopy !req
81. Doesn't mean
we're in a relationship.Copy !req
82. - Really? Then why did I buy us
those his-and-her tombstones?Copy !req
83. We die by murder-suicide
in 2016.Copy !req
84. I'm so excited!Copy !req
85. - I can't believe that dui judge
gave me community service.Copy !req
86. - You drove to court drunk.Copy !req
87. - I drink when I'm nervousCopy !req
88. And sad and mad and happy.Copy !req
89. No, really,
I have a problem.Copy !req
90. - Yeah. You left me tied
to a post all night.Copy !req
91. Now this rottweiler won't stop
leaving me creepy voice mails.Copy !req
92. let me suck it.Copy !req
93. - I don't get it, denzel.Copy !req
94. I thought once ethel
had some steve in the beav,Copy !req
95. She'd never leave.
- Hey, at least you got some.Copy !req
96. Think about how connie feels.Copy !req
97. She's been in love with ethel
for years.Copy !req
98. - Oh, I'm totally over it.Copy !req
99. Off topic, if you guys had to
get murdered in the workplace,Copy !req
100. Would you prefer an ar-15 or
being hacked up with a machete?Copy !req
101. [high-pitched voice]
I think they want both.Copy !req
102. - I'm still inside you.Copy !req
103. Don't go in there.Copy !req
104. I, uh...
Made a fat, smelly shit.Copy !req
105. So embarrassing.Copy !req
106. - Not as embarrassing
as the factCopy !req
107. That you made love
to a fat, smelly shit.Copy !req
108. - Mmm, this fun dip
tastes like piss.Copy !req
109. - That's a pregnancy test,
you dumb son of a bitch.Copy !req
110. - Oh, my god!
Ethel's gonna have my baby!Copy !req
111. - Congrats, buddy!
Way to trap that bitch!Copy !req
112. - Yeah, I'm really happy
for you.Copy !req
113. - Actually, steve,
I thought a lot about thisCopy !req
114. In the last 30 seconds,Copy !req
115. And I don't think I'm ready
to have a kid.Copy !req
116. - But don't I get a say?Copy !req
117. I'd never abort a baby,
especially ours.Copy !req
118. - Sorry, steve.
It's just not your decision.Copy !req
119. - Why not?
I'm the father.Copy !req
120. - That doesn't matter.
My body, my choice.Copy !req
121. - But, ethel, if there's
no baby, there's no us.Copy !req
122. - Exactly—
I've already made an appointmentCopy !req
123. At the best clinic in town.Copy !req
124. - An abortionmobile/taco truck
is the best clinic in town?Copy !req
125. - Yes.
This town sucks.Copy !req
126. - Abortion is
a sin against god!Copy !req
127. - No!
It's a civil right!Copy !req
128. - I'm just here
for the chimichangas.Copy !req
129. - This is murder!Copy !req
130. - I'll tell you what's murder.Copy !req
131. The price they charge
for a side of chipot-le.Copy !req
132. Ah, ethel, welcome
to my abortionmobile/taqueria.Copy !req
133. Or as the local yokels call it,
the die-eria.Copy !req
134. - uh, this is safe, right?Copy !req
135. - Perfectly safe...
For the woman, not the baby.Copy !req
136. - Wait. You're not going to use
dirty cooking utensils?Copy !req
137. - No, of course not, ethel.Copy !req
138. I'm going
to sanitize them first.Copy !req
139. Okay, ready to go.Copy !req
140. Before you go through
with this,Copy !req
141. I must ask, are you sure
about this decision?Copy !req
142. - This is the hardest choice
a woman can make, but—Copy !req
143. - Sorry.
I was talking to a customer.Copy !req
144. Okay, carne asada it is.Copy !req
145. But fair warning, the picante
sauce is muy caliente.Copy !req
146. - That's okay,
as long as it ain't hot.Copy !req
147. - You don't know.Copy !req
148. You don't know. You don't know.Copy !req
149. - Rackin' frackin'
community service.Copy !req
150. Working around
a bunch of goddamn nut jobsCopy !req
151. Who sit around
and mumble to themselves.Copy !req
152. - Is everything all right, sir?Copy !req
153. - Oh, never better!
I love these wacky bastards.Copy !req
154. Oh, you're a dad, huh?Copy !req
155. Yeah, my son yelled at meCopy !req
156. 'cause I tied him up
outside of a bar.Copy !req
157. - You did what?Copy !req
158. - Oh, don't worry.
My son's a talking bear.Copy !req
159. - Why don't you have a seat?Copy !req
160. This talking bear—does he
ever tell you to do thingsCopy !req
161. That would hurt yourself
or others?Copy !req
162. - Are you shitting me?
That's all he does!Copy !req
163. One time he turned me
into a fish!Copy !req
164. - I see.Copy !req
165. - Yeah, he can be
a sarcastic little asshole,Copy !req
166. But I know he loves me,
'cause one time I was gonna getCopy !req
167. On a spaceship
with my girlfriend,Copy !req
168. And he saved me
with a jet pack.Copy !req
169. - We got a nut job.Copy !req
170. - Let me tell you about the time
he directed my porno.Copy !req
171. Aah!
Are you crazy?Copy !req
172. I'm not crazy!
You're crazy!Copy !req
173. - And punchito!
Congratulations, ethel.Copy !req
174. 15 abortions gets you
a free chalupa.Copy !req
175. - Thanks, but I'll never
get over how traumaticCopy !req
176. That experience was.Copy !req
177. - Would you like
to start a new card?Copy !req
178. - Yeah, might as well.Copy !req
179. Steve, what are you doing here?Copy !req
180. - Just sealing the deal I made
with the doc.Copy !req
181. - Uh, what kind of a deal?Copy !req
182. - It's not exactly ethical,
but he paid cash,Copy !req
183. And, well, I'm a whore.Copy !req
184. - See, after dr. KuzniakCopy !req
185. Sucked the embryo
out of your body,Copy !req
186. He put it in mine.Copy !req
187. I'm pregnant!
- What?Copy !req
188. - Now you're inside me!Copy !req
189. - Nobody eat the salsa.
There's been a terrible mix-up.Copy !req
190. - Baby sean johns?
Thank you, denzel.Copy !req
191. And thank you, connie,
for the baby massager.Copy !req
192. - hey, look at that.Copy !req
193. Connie rubbed all the veins off
for you.Copy !req
194. - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Open mine!Copy !req
195. I have a feeling
it's going to be a girl!Copy !req
196. - Free pole dancing classes?Copy !req
197. - If she's got a hole,
she belongs on a pole.Copy !req
198. - What a wonderful baby shower.Copy !req
199. - Damn, steve.
It's only been two days,Copy !req
200. And you're already showing.Copy !req
201. - Dr. Kuzniak said
the testosterone in my bodyCopy !req
202. Will speed up the pregnancy.Copy !req
203. - Steve,
you're a asshole!Copy !req
204. - That's why
I bought this onesie.Copy !req
205. - I made a choice
to end this pregnancy,Copy !req
206. And you took that choice
away from me.Copy !req
207. - I don't understand
why you're so upset.Copy !req
208. Now that our baby's in my body,
I'll do the work for you.Copy !req
209. That's why you wanted
to get an abortion, right?Copy !req
210. - No, steve,
it's a woman's decision.Copy !req
211. - But it's in my body.Copy !req
212. Like you said,
my body, my choice.Copy !req
213. - That's not—no.
You guys, back me up here.Copy !req
214. - It's in his body, ethel.Copy !req
215. - You said
that's all that matters.Copy !req
216. - Here, ethel.
This should cheer you up.Copy !req
217. I put your picture and steve's
picture into a computer program.Copy !req
218. This is what your baby
will look like.Copy !req
219. - Oh, my god!
No!Copy !req
220. - Listen, you sick puppy,
I told you to stop calling me.Copy !req
221. Leave me alone,
you piece of shit!Copy !req
222. - No, it's me, woody.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
223. - Look,
these assholes committed me.Copy !req
224. Get down here,
and prove you can talk.Copy !req
225. I've gotta get out of here.Copy !req
226. I'm roommates with a guy
who thinks he's nicolas cage.Copy !req
227. - Okay, let's ride!Copy !req
228. - Or maybe that is nicolas cage.
I don't know.Copy !req
229. Either way,
he's nuts.Copy !req
230. - Have you ever been
dragged onto the sidewalkCopy !req
231. And beat
until you pissed blood?Copy !req
232. - Okay, malloy, start talking.Copy !req
233. I swear he can.Copy !req
234. Usually,
he's a real chatterbox,Copy !req
235. When he's not being
a spiteful dick!Copy !req
236. Please, malloy, talk!Copy !req
237. - Growl.
- Malloy, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
238. Prove daddy's not crazy, or I'll
rip your head off!Copy !req
239. - Wow.
Textbook psycho.Copy !req
240. - No, I'm not crazy, doc!Copy !req
241. I'm telling you,
I have a talking bear!Copy !req
242. - And I have a singing beaver!Copy !req
243. - Wake up, steve!Copy !req
244. - Ethel, it's 4:00 a.M.Copy !req
245. - That's right. There's no
sleeping when you have a baby.Copy !req
246. - I'm baby firecracker jim,
god damn it!Copy !req
247. - After tonight we'll see
who wants to keep this baby.Copy !req
248. Welcome to fatherhood.Copy !req
249. - Change me, daddy!
I done shit up my back!Copy !req
250. - It's okay.
We'll get baby nice and clean.Copy !req
251. - You ever seen
a baby with pubes?Copy !req
252. I'm pissing 'cause I'm angry,
and I can't express it in words!Copy !req
253. - So you're telling me
all of woody's stories are true?Copy !req
254. - Yeah, woody was a fish
just before I gave birthCopy !req
255. To the antichrist.Copy !req
256. - You gave birth
to the antichrist?Copy !req
257. - [high-pitched voice]
of course she did.Copy !req
258. - Yeah, that hand's right.Copy !req
259. It was right after I banged
that thawed-out cavewoman.Copy !req
260. Now can we go?Copy !req
261. I gotta buy a breast pump
for my friend steve.Copy !req
262. He pregnant.
- A man is pregnant?Copy !req
263. - Oh, that's nothing. All kinds
of stuff happens to steve.Copy !req
264. He was a black guy,
a gay man, a gay woman,Copy !req
265. And a quadriplegic
that ate his own shit.Copy !req
266. - See?Copy !req
267. What is so crazy
about these goddamn stories?Copy !req
268. - What do you mean
you don't want the money?Copy !req
269. - I tried to be difficult,Copy !req
270. But that steve feller
took good care of me!Copy !req
271. He's gon' be a real good daddy.Copy !req
272. - Guess I'll have to take
matters into my own hands.Copy !req
273. Steve, we need to talk.Copy !req
274. Whoa.Copy !req
275. - Oh, yeah. That's hot.Copy !req
276. - This for a magazine
or something?Copy !req
277. - No, no, just for me.Copy !req
278. Now, bend over
and show me your pooterus.Copy !req
279. - Steve, I owe you an apology.Copy !req
280. I've been horrible
to you lately,Copy !req
281. But seeing you like this...Copy !req
282. Oh, and like that...Copy !req
283. And not so much that one.Copy !req
284. But it makes me realize
that I do wantCopy !req
285. To have this baby with you.Copy !req
286. - That's great, ethel.Copy !req
287. - So what do you say
you and I goCopy !req
288. On some perfectly safe
family fun activities?Copy !req
289. - Oof! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
290. Ahh!Copy !req
291. - You don't know.
You don't know.Copy !req
292. You don't know.
You don't know.Copy !req
293. - Of course I don't know.Copy !req
294. It's called "guess who,"
mother.Copy !req
295. - Where's connie?
We need to talk.Copy !req
296. - I think she made a new friend.Copy !req
297. - Whee! We're going to india!Copy !req
298. - Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
- All right, you cuckoos.Copy !req
299. It's time to bust
out of this nest.Copy !req
300. - Why?
- So let's—Copy !req
301. What do you mean why?Copy !req
302. We're
in a goddamn mental institution.Copy !req
303. - Aw, I like it here.
- Yeah, I like it too.Copy !req
304. I mean, it's a little cold,
but...Copy !req
305. - Cold? That's your complaint?
It's cold?Copy !req
306. You two are busting out
whether you like it or not.Copy !req
307. So here's the plan.Copy !req
308. First, we're going to tunnel
through the wallCopy !req
309. With this spoon.Copy !req
310. Then we'll crawl
through the storm drainsCopy !req
311. Until we get to the parking lot.Copy !req
312. Connie will then chloroform
the guardsCopy !req
313. As denzel hijacks a car,Copy !req
314. Which we'll use
to bust through the gatesCopy !req
315. And drive ourselves to freedom.Copy !req
316. Now, let's do this!Copy !req
317. Oh, shit!Copy !req
318. - Trying to escape, huh?Copy !req
319. Take him to...Copy !req
320. The special treatment room.Copy !req
321. - Special treatment room?
That sounds awesome.Copy !req
322. I hope this means
I get a new roommate.Copy !req
323. - Ta-da!Copy !req
324. All on the left: Pro-life!
All on the right: Pro-choice!Copy !req
325. All on the left: Pro-life!
All on the right: Pro-choice!Copy !req
326. All on the left: Pro-life!
All on the right: Pro-choice!Copy !req
327. - Hold on! Wait a minute!
Is that a pregnant dude?Copy !req
328. Dear lord!
It's an abomination to god!Copy !req
329. He should abort it.Copy !req
330. - No, he shouldn't!
It's a miracle of science!Copy !req
331. All on the right: Pro-choice!
All on the left: Pro-life!Copy !req
332. All on the right: Pro-choice!
All on the left: Pro-life!Copy !req
333. - Dead baby, dead baby,
dead baby.Copy !req
334. - We have a heartbeat.
- Damn it!Copy !req
335. you, god.Copy !req
336. I mean yay.Copy !req
337. - Isn't this wonderful, ethel?Copy !req
338. And after all
that couple stuff we did,Copy !req
339. You and I are even closer.Copy !req
340. - Steve, I don't want this baby!
I never wanted this baby!Copy !req
341. For god's sake, I pushed
you down a flight of stairsCopy !req
342. Into a pile of coat hangers!Copy !req
343. - If it's a boy, could we
name him "dracula untold"?Copy !req
344. it's not about you, steve.Copy !req
345. I just don't want
to be a mother, ever.Copy !req
346. I wouldn't want this baby,
even if it were someone else's.Copy !req
347. - Funny you should say that,
because it is someone else's.Copy !req
348. This guy's.Copy !req
349. - I hear there's an heirCopy !req
350. To the skymall family fortune!Copy !req
351. - Rich, is this true?Copy !req
352. - Yes, according toCopy !req
353. My dna-paternity test/
lord voldemort wall display.Copy !req
354. Skymall!
- I'm gonna be a mommy!Copy !req
355. - When I heard
you were pregnant,Copy !req
356. I knew it was mine.Copy !req
357. I've got strong swimmers, thanks
to my travel-sized sperm-ometer.Copy !req
358. Skymall after dark!
Shh!Copy !req
359. - This is bullshit!Copy !req
360. When did
you even sleep together?Copy !req
361. - The night we went
to epstein's bar.Copy !req
362. - Aha!
That's impossibleCopy !req
363. Because ethel slept with me
that night, remember?Copy !req
364. - I don't remember anything
from that night.Copy !req
365. - [gulping, sucking]Copy !req
366. - Well, we did sleep together,
and I can prove it!Copy !req
367. I videotaped the night
we had sex.Copy !req
368. Okay, future steve
and future ethel,Copy !req
369. You guys hard?Copy !req
370. yeah, you're hard.Copy !req
371. The things I'm about to do
to past ethelCopy !req
372. Are gonna blow your mind.Copy !req
373. What—what happened?Copy !req
374. Get up, past steve!Copy !req
375. Oh, god! He's dead!Copy !req
376. Who are you texting?Copy !req
377. - Yes!
I didn't make love to steve!Copy !req
378. - God, this couldn't
get any worse.Copy !req
379. - Uh! Uh! Skymall!Copy !req
380. - Woody, I'm going
to rid you of your delusions.Copy !req
381. If you answer my questions
with an irrational response,Copy !req
382. I will shock you.Copy !req
383. - You can do this, johnson.
Just lie your way through it.Copy !req
384. - You're also attached
to a lie detector.Copy !req
385. So if you lie,
I will shock you.Copy !req
386. - Oh, shit.Copy !req
387. - Question one:
Do you live with a talking bear?Copy !req
388. - Yes, I don't. Ha.
That ought to—Copy !req
389. - That was a lie.Copy !req
390. - Okay, I do!Copy !req
391. - That was delusional.Copy !req
392. - What the hell do you want?Copy !req
393. - I want to help you.Copy !req
394. Again, do you live
with a talking bear?Copy !req
395. - What happens
if I don't answer?Copy !req
396. - You get an ice cream.Copy !req
397. - I get an ice cream?
- Delusional.Copy !req
398. - Thanks for meeting us, steve.Copy !req
399. We want to talk about you
being our surrogate.Copy !req
400. Skymall!
- I have some terms.Copy !req
401. - Um, okay.Copy !req
402. How bad can it be?Copy !req
403. - I want rich to die.
- Not gonna happen.Copy !req
404. - Worth a shot.Copy !req
405. "dead. Die. Death. Paralyzed."Copy !req
406. - Steve, steve, steve,
I understand you're upset,Copy !req
407. But as payment
for being our surrogate,Copy !req
408. I'm prepared
to offer you $100,000Copy !req
409. In skymall credit.Copy !req
410. - The only thing
I want is ethel.Copy !req
411. I know we don't
always get along,Copy !req
412. And my bank account'sCopy !req
413. Just a jizz-stained sock
full of pennies, but—Copy !req
414. - Would you like to make
another deposit,Copy !req
415. You freaky bastard?Copy !req
416. - Anyway, I know that, if you
would just give me a chance,Copy !req
417. I could make you happy.Copy !req
418. That's why I put
this baby in me.Copy !req
419. - Wow, steve.Copy !req
420. That's so...Copy !req
421. Sad that's not gonna happen.Copy !req
422. Once you have this baby,
rich and I are movingCopy !req
423. To his skymall offices
in japan.Copy !req
424. - I want an abortion!Copy !req
425. Dr. Kuzniak,
I need to schedule a—oh.Copy !req
426. How'd you get here so fast?Copy !req
427. - Oh, I was heading
to the universityCopy !req
428. For a little
post-spring break cleanup.Copy !req
429. Choco taco?Copy !req
430. - Steve,
you can't get an abortion!Copy !req
431. - Yes, I can!
My body, my choice!Copy !req
432. - He's right!Copy !req
433. - But it was in my body first,Copy !req
434. So it's still my choice.
- She's right!Copy !req
435. - But it was my seed,Copy !req
436. So I should make the choice
for everybody.Copy !req
437. - Anybody else confused?
- Yeah, I am.Copy !req
438. - I say we all agree
to kill thisCopy !req
439. And go to hooters
and look at some titties.Copy !req
440. - Sounds good to me.
I'm a lesbian.Copy !req
441. - Sounds good to me.
I'm a hypocrite.Copy !req
442. Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill!Copy !req
443. - With pleasure.Copy !req
444. Just one problem:
My water broke.Copy !req
445. - Well, looks like I'll have to
kill this thing on the outside.Copy !req
446. - Steve, breathe.
Ethel, hold his hand.Copy !req
447. Dr. Kuzniak, look up
how schwarzenegger gave birthCopy !req
448. In the movie junior.Copy !req
449. Ah, c-section.Copy !req
450. But enough
about my theater seats.Copy !req
451. How do I get this baby out?Copy !req
452. - Wow.
Haven't heard that sound ever.Copy !req
453. Why isn't this fridge
magically filling itself?Copy !req
454. Woody, you forgot
to pay the power bill!Copy !req
455. Oh, that's right.Copy !req
456. I guess I have to spring him
from that nuthouse.Copy !req
457. I want to be inside you.Copy !req
458. - Why is that thing glowing?Copy !req
459. - Happy tree. Happy tree.
Happy tree.Copy !req
460. - Does something seem weird
about woody?Copy !req
461. - No.
- Woody, pack your straitjacket.Copy !req
462. We're getting out of here.Copy !req
463. - Ah! No!
The demon from my mind!Copy !req
464. Get away from me!
You're not real!Copy !req
465. - Is this real?Copy !req
466. - Jesus christ!
- Ha ha! Yes, my son?Copy !req
467. hey, doc. Turns out I can talk.Copy !req
468. So I'll be taking home the fat,
the black, and the ugly.Copy !req
469. - It's a talking bear!
It's a talking bear!Copy !req
470. - Growl.
- It's a talking bear!Copy !req
471. No! No! You saw it!
He was talking! He's a mother—Copy !req
472. He was talking!Copy !req
473. - Oh, no! Not the bees!
Not the bees!Copy !req
474. Ahh! My eyes! My eyes!Copy !req
475. - Here comes
that bundle of joy.Copy !req
476. - This is gonna be
the greatest day of my life.Copy !req
477. - Congratulations.Copy !req
478. You've given birth
to a beautiful,Copy !req
479. 5-pound, 2-ounce tumor.Copy !req
480. What?Copy !req
481. - But how is that possible?Copy !req
482. - Hmm, I guess you never
were pregnant.Copy !req
483. I must have transferred an
ovarian cyst from ethel's bodyCopy !req
484. Into yours,
thinking it was an embryo.Copy !req
485. - What about the ultrasound
and the checkupsCopy !req
486. And the skymall dna test?Copy !req
487. - Well,
skymall products are shit.Copy !req
488. The rest are oversights
that resultCopy !req
489. From having
your own prescription pad.Copy !req
490. - Well, I'm out of here,Copy !req
491. Using my patented skymall
flying squirrel suit.Copy !req
492. Skymall!Copy !req
493. - All right.
I'm leaving.Copy !req
494. - Wait. So if it was a tumor,
whose choice was it?Copy !req
495. - You don't know.
You don't know.Copy !req
496. You don't know.Copy !req
497. And none of us do, frankly.Copy !req
498. Abortion is
a very complicated issue.Copy !req
499. - Oh, who gives a shit?Copy !req
500. I thought
we were going to hooters.Copy !req
501. - Well, all's well
that ends well.Copy !req
502. I'll go grind this
into taco meat.Copy !req
503. - No!
Mwah.Copy !req
504. I'm keeping it!Copy !req
505. - Aah!Copy !req