1. - Aw, look at my little cubs
of anarchy.Copy !req
2. Are you excited
about your new bike?Copy !req
3. - Yes.Copy !req
4. - Here you go, buddy.Copy !req
5. - What the is that?Copy !req
6. I asked for a motorcycle.Copy !req
7. - Malloy, we both know
you're not big enough.Copy !req
8. Besides, this is just as cool.Copy !req
9. - I'm a big boy.
I'm a big boy.Copy !req
10. - I am not
getting on that thing.Copy !req
11. - Not without your safety gear.Copy !req
12. - I look ridiculous.
Everybody's gonna laugh at me.Copy !req
13. - Malloy, no one's gonna
laugh at you.Copy !req
14. - That's it.Copy !req
15. I'm gonna go
set up the kill room.Copy !req
16. - Don't forget
your outside helmet.Copy !req
17. Daddy's gotta protect
his little therapy pet.Copy !req
18. - You're alive?
- Yes. Why?Copy !req
19. - Oh, when you were two hours
late, we assumed you were dead.Copy !req
20. - We even wrote your obituary.Copy !req
21. - "steve williams.Copy !req
22. Lived, died, fat."Copy !req
23. That's it?Copy !req
24. Why didn't you list
any of my accomplishments?Copy !req
25. - Uh, we said fat.Copy !req
26. - How about the fact that
I've been ranger of the monthCopy !req
27. For years?Copy !req
28. - Steve, it's about time
we told you.Copy !req
29. That award is meaningless.Copy !req
30. Your medal is
a snapple cap we painted gold.Copy !req
31. - Oh, my god.Copy !req
32. I haven't done anything
with my life.Copy !req
33. When I'm dead,
no one will remember me.Copy !req
34. - Nobody gives a shit, steve.
I'm out of here.Copy !req
35. - Don't forget
your bubble armor.Copy !req
36. - I can't breathe!Copy !req
37. have fun, little buddy.Copy !req
38. Stay in the driveway.Copy !req
39. - Woody, I'm too big
for your stupid bedtime stories.Copy !req
40. - "once there was a man
with a big, yellow mustache,Copy !req
41. "and he had
a curious little cubsy wubsyCopy !req
42. "who kept the man's brain demons
at bay.Copy !req
43. "without his cuddles,
the man would have to acceptCopy !req
44. "that during the war,Copy !req
45. "he made a functioning piano
out of iraqi teeth and dicks.Copy !req
46. The end."Copy !req
47. - At least it wasn't
the berenstain bears.Copy !req
48. I hate those jews.Copy !req
49. - P.S. Daddy will not be here
to tuck you in tomorrowCopy !req
50. 'cause he's going
to a strip club.Copy !req
51. - The strip club?
I wanna go.Copy !req
52. - Whoa, slow down.Copy !req
53. You're too small.Copy !req
54. - You say that about everything.Copy !req
55. - Aw, is my cubsy afraid
to be home alone?Copy !req
56. Don't worry.Copy !req
57. Daddy has a babysitter
all lined up for you.Copy !req
58. - That always works out well.Copy !req
59. That's what I'd do
for a klondike bar.Copy !req
60. - Hey, steve.Copy !req
61. Hey, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
62. - I realized I have
to make my mark in the world.Copy !req
63. If ray j got famous for
making a sex tape with a horse,Copy !req
64. Then so can I.Copy !req
65. - Steve, that wasn't a horse.Copy !req
66. That was kim kardashian.Copy !req
67. - Ew!Copy !req
68. I'll figure out some other way
to make my mark.Copy !req
69. Hello, guinness?Copy !req
70. I just broke a record.Copy !req
71. I stuck 39 rolls of dimes
up my ass.Copy !req
72. What?Copy !req
73. Shia labeouf did 40?Copy !req
74. damn it!Copy !req
75. - What's the big deal?Copy !req
76. It's called a fetish!Copy !req
77. - Eh, d-d-d-d.Copy !req
78. Where do you think you're going,
little bear?Copy !req
79. - Well, man with the accent
I can't place,Copy !req
80. I am here to see the titties.Copy !req
81. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
82. You must be at least
as tall as her c-section scar,Copy !req
83. Or else you off.Copy !req
84. But you are welcome to playCopy !req
85. At jorge's single mom
stripper daycare.Copy !req
86. - Hey, look,
it's a wish machine.Copy !req
87. All right, mr. No fly list.Copy !req
88. Here goes.Copy !req
89. I wish I was big.Copy !req
90. Damn.Copy !req
91. See, this is why
I don't trust brown people.Copy !req
92. - I didn't know
you played guitar.Copy !req
93. - It's what I do when I'm sad.Copy !req
94. - Hmm.
You're really good.Copy !req
95. Have you written any songs?
- A few.Copy !req
96. I'd love to perform them,
but I'd be too embarrassed.Copy !req
97. - Too embarrassed?Copy !req
98. Didn't you shove
$195 worth of dimes up your ass?Copy !req
99. - Every time I fart,
it's like I hit triple 7s.Copy !req
100. - Maybe your songs
could put you on the map.Copy !req
101. I got some contacts.
I could get you a gig.Copy !req
102. - Okay, but first
I gotta drop a deuce.Copy !req
103. We gotta find a coinstar.Copy !req
104. - Morning, malloy.Copy !req
105. - Good morning.Copy !req
106. - What the?Copy !req
107. What happened to you, malloy?Copy !req
108. - Magic is real!Copy !req
109. - All right, steve.Copy !req
110. I pulled a lot of strings
to help get you this gig.Copy !req
111. Hey, baby.Copy !req
112. It's my girlfriend's
grandson's party,Copy !req
113. So don't screw it up.Copy !req
114. - Don't worry.
The kids will love it.Copy !req
115. I'm doing a song I wrote about
guys who work on a mountain.Copy !req
116. - All right.
Now go get 'em.Copy !req
117. - Steve, what the hell?Copy !req
118. You better
play something else quick!Copy !req
119. Something for the kids.Copy !req
120. - Ooh, I've got
a cute rooster song.Copy !req
121. - Do it! Do it!Copy !req
122. - Kill him!
- Let's get him!Copy !req
123. - Run, steve, run!Copy !req
124. - What'd I say?
What'd I say?Copy !req
125. What'd I say?Copy !req
126. They hate me.Copy !req
127. Why did they hate me?Copy !req
128. - Steve, didn't you think
there was something...Copy !req
129. Queer about those songs?Copy !req
130. - I just write
wholesome country songs.Copy !req
131. See?Copy !req
132. - Farmhand jobs.Copy !req
133. Come in my back door, bubba.Copy !req
134. Riding the bologna pony?Copy !req
135. - What'd I tell you?Copy !req
136. - Hmm.
You know what?Copy !req
137. I think you just need
a change of venue.Copy !req
138. Maybe america is readyCopy !req
139. For my innocent,
wholesome country songs.Copy !req
140. And not dirty songs
that are all about sexCopy !req
141. Like your people's music.Copy !req
142. - And with me as your manager,
you're gonna be big.Copy !req
143. - Everybody loved me last night.Copy !req
144. I got so many high fives
and ass slaps.Copy !req
145. Those guys over at hogg ridersCopy !req
146. Sure know
how to have a good time.Copy !req
147. - They sure do, buddy.Copy !req
148. Now you better be
moseying on out of here.Copy !req
149. You gotta practice up
for your next gig.Copy !req
150. - Denzel booked me at
this place called a bathhouse.Copy !req
151. - That's actually a—Copy !req
152. - A place where men
can wash each other's dicksCopy !req
153. In a heterosexual manner.Copy !req
154. - Why aren't you
telling steve the truth?Copy !req
155. - Steve thinks his songs
are all pure and innocent.Copy !req
156. If he knew they were
about hard-core gay sex,Copy !req
157. He wouldn't play them.Copy !req
158. - And you wouldn't be wearing
a new panda skin jacket.Copy !req
159. - Aw, don't be a hater.
It's faux.Copy !req
160. Fo-sho real panda skin.Copy !req
161. Ha ha!Copy !req
162. - Listen up, rangers.Copy !req
163. There is a problem with malloy.Copy !req
164. - 'sup, squirts?Copy !req
165. - Huh.
- Cool.Copy !req
166. - Hey, I guess magic is real.Copy !req
167. - Malloy, what are you doing
with that death machine?Copy !req
168. - Shut up, woody.
She's been tested.Copy !req
169. - You can't ride
without a helmet.Copy !req
170. Do you wanna get
a up gary busey brain?Copy !req
171. - Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
172. These things aren't dangerous.Copy !req
173. - Oh, no.
I'll give her mouth-to-mouth.Copy !req
174. - That's not her mouth.Copy !req
175. - It's okay.Copy !req
176. She's dead.Copy !req
177. - You okay, woody?Copy !req
178. - I'd be better if a giant bear
didn't maul me in my sleep.Copy !req
179. - It stopped your snoring.Copy !req
180. - Oh, malloy,
you destroyed the bathroom!Copy !req
181. Where's the toilet?Copy !req
182. - Check under that big pile
of bear shit.Copy !req
183. - God damn it, malloy,
you've wrecked the place!Copy !req
184. Is that abortia-geddon?Copy !req
185. - No, it's abortia-geddon two.Copy !req
186. - I told you
that game was verboten!Copy !req
187. I even used german
to make it scarier.Copy !req
188. - I'm big.
I can buy any game I want.Copy !req
189. - No more fetus games,Copy !req
190. No more midnight maulings,Copy !req
191. And that motorcycle
has got to go!Copy !req
192. My house, my rules.Copy !req
193. - Then I'll just move
out of your house.Copy !req
194. - Ha!Copy !req
195. You won't make it for a second
in the real world.Copy !req
196. You'll be crawling back,
begging me to take you in.Copy !req
197. - I'll never come back here.Copy !req
198. I'm done with you
and your bullshit rules.Copy !req
199. - Little bear,
you have no ideaCopy !req
200. How miserable
you're gonna be out there.Copy !req
201. - Whoo!
You girls are so hot!Copy !req
202. - Okay, closing time!Copy !req
203. Here's your bill, bear.Copy !req
204. That will be $700.Copy !req
205. - Oh.
I am out of money.Copy !req
206. - Get outta here!Copy !req
207. And go get a job, you deadbeat!Copy !req
208. - I don't need a job
or this place.Copy !req
209. This is amazing!Copy !req
210. - How's everybody doing?Copy !req
211. This song's
about my friend pedro...Copy !req
212. - Who rode my donkey
all the way to mexicoCopy !req
213. Without a saddle.Copy !req
214. Hyah!Copy !req
215. - Thank you, everyone!Copy !req
216. - Hey, get off me!Copy !req
217. - Hello, denzel.Copy !req
218. - Who the hell are you?Copy !req
219. - I'm the head of the gay mafia.Copy !req
220. We control hollywood
and all of entertainment.Copy !req
221. - You do exist.Copy !req
222. Fox news was right.Copy !req
223. - Yeah!
They're right about everything.Copy !req
224. We wanna help you.Copy !req
225. You've taken steve williams
as far as he can go.Copy !req
226. It's time for the gay mafia
to take him to the next level.Copy !req
227. Stadiums, record deals, youtube.Copy !req
228. - Holy shit!
Youtube?Copy !req
229. You can really do that?Copy !req
230. - Yeah!Copy !req
231. Denzel, you seem like a man
who likes money.Copy !req
232. If you sign a contract with us
right now,Copy !req
233. We'll give you
a cash signing bonus.Copy !req
234. - I am a man who likes money.Copy !req
235. And do we have to tell steve
about the signing bonus?Copy !req
236. - That is up to steve's manager.Copy !req
237. - That's me!
So the answer is...Copy !req
238. Aw, hell no!Copy !req
239. - This is a huge arena.Copy !req
240. How did you pull this off?Copy !req
241. - I, uh,
have a few new connections.Copy !req
242. - Thanks, man.Copy !req
243. You're really helping me
make my mark on the world.Copy !req
244. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
245. Now put this on
and get out there.Copy !req
246. - This song is
all about a guy...Copy !req
247. - Who couldn't make it home
for christmasCopy !req
248. Because the transmission
went out on his pickup truck.Copy !req
249. - what'd he say?Copy !req
250. - Mm-mm-mm.Copy !req
251. Steve! Steve! Steve!
Steve! Steve! Steve!Copy !req
252. - And I'm not
supposed to say it,Copy !req
253. But george clooney had sex
right where you're standing.Copy !req
254. - Wow.
I need this place.Copy !req
255. - Great.
It's a steal at 8,000 a month.Copy !req
256. - What can I get for 4 bucksCopy !req
257. And a rough hand job
with, uh, bear paws?Copy !req
258. - Nice, huh?Copy !req
259. Bedroom, bathroom, kitchen,Copy !req
260. All in one room.Copy !req
261. Plus...Copy !req
262. Central air!Copy !req
263. - Uh, is he dead?Copy !req
264. - Don't worry,
not murder.Copy !req
265. Poisonous spiders.Copy !req
266. You take it?Copy !req
267. - Guess I have no choice.
- Great.Copy !req
268. And tell your roommate
to stop giving me the stink eye.Copy !req
269. - Wow, woody.
You're in a good mood.Copy !req
270. - Why wouldn't I be?Copy !req
271. - 'cause we thought
you'd be skunk shit crazyCopy !req
272. Now that malloy's gone.Copy !req
273. - What are you talking about?Copy !req
274. Malloy's not gone.Copy !req
275. He's right here.Copy !req
276. - Jesus!
- Aah!Copy !req
277. Incoming!Copy !req
278. Eat the women and children
first!Copy !req
279. Aah!Copy !req
280. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
281. - We need to get malloy back...Copy !req
282. - To calm woody down
before he gets worse.Copy !req
283. - What the hell is
charlie doing in iraq?Copy !req
284. - ha ha!Copy !req
285. We like brickleberry park!Copy !req
286. - Why am I riding a guy again?Copy !req
287. - Look, it's all cgi.Copy !req
288. They're gonna turn that guy
into a horse later.Copy !req
289. That's how they did it
in lord of the rings.Copy !req
290. Hey, don't you think
this is kinda graphic?Copy !req
291. - We've got a lot riding
on steve's success,Copy !req
292. So let me make this clear:Copy !req
293. Go tell steve that
we want it to be more graphic,Copy !req
294. Or you'll wind up in a ditch
with your dick in your mouth.Copy !req
295. - More graphic it is.Copy !req
296. Hey, steve,
smack your horseCopy !req
297. On the ass a few times.Copy !req
298. - Whatever you say, denzel.Copy !req
299. - Now pretend your shaking
a thick ketchup bottleCopy !req
300. On your face.Copy !req
301. - Like this?
- No, it's stuck.Copy !req
302. You gotta shake it harder!Copy !req
303. Oh, the cap is still on.Copy !req
304. Try to take it off
with your butt.Copy !req
305. - This is gonna be a cool video.Copy !req
306. - Congratulations, denzel.Copy !req
307. We've booked
a huge concert for steveCopy !req
308. At brickleberry amphitheater.Copy !req
309. - Ooh, that's great.Copy !req
310. Now I'll be able
to pay off this.Copy !req
311. - We'll need steve to debut
a hot new singleCopy !req
312. At the concert.
- Done.Copy !req
313. - We're also going to need him
to promote the concert on ellen.Copy !req
314. - Oh, no.
Steve can't do tv.Copy !req
315. He doesn't even know his songs—Copy !req
316. Oh!
I mean all right!Copy !req
317. - Which has less calories?Copy !req
318. The chicken-zilla
or the beef st. Helens?Copy !req
319. - Like it matters.Copy !req
320. Why don't you just get
a yummy meal?Copy !req
321. It comes with a mirror,
so you can find your cooch.Copy !req
322. - Ah.
Marroy!Copy !req
323. You mean to customers.Copy !req
324. You fired!Copy !req
325. - I need this job, man.
I have bills to pay.Copy !req
326. - Oh, wah.Copy !req
327. You fired!Copy !req
328. - By the way,
I jerked off in the silly sauce.Copy !req
329. Enjoy.Copy !req
330. - Please welcomeCopy !req
331. Country music icon
steve williams.Copy !req
332. - Steve, you're a brave man.Copy !req
333. - Thank you, sir.
So are you, alan.Copy !req
334. - Uh, we are just so honoredCopy !req
335. To have the first gay country
music artist on our show today.Copy !req
336. - Oh!
Kenny chesney's here?Copy !req
337. - You are such a hoot.Copy !req
338. We have a little clip
of your latest music video.Copy !req
339. I hope
I can awkwardly dance to it.Copy !req
340. - No, shit.
Not the video.Copy !req
341. - Uh, you wanna tell us
anything about it?Copy !req
342. - I open an invisible bottle
of ketchup with my butt.Copy !req
343. - Amazing.
Let's roll the video.Copy !req
344. - Oh, my god.Copy !req
345. What am I doing?Copy !req
346. That's not ketchup!Copy !req
347. W-why would they squirt that
on me?Copy !req
348. Close your mouth, steve!Copy !req
349. No!Copy !req
350. Aah!Copy !req
351. Why?Copy !req
352. - why?Copy !req
353. - Hey!
What are you doing?Copy !req
354. - Kicking you out!Copy !req
355. You're late on your rent!Copy !req
356. - Seriously?Copy !req
357. Seriously?Copy !req
358. Seriously?
- Ahh.Copy !req
359. - Seriously?
- Uh, yes, sir.Copy !req
360. - I wish you were here
to tell me a bedtime story.Copy !req
361. - Once upon a time,Copy !req
362. I stabbed my motherpimp
to deathCopy !req
363. With a broke-off buick antenna!Copy !req
364. Good night, baby.Copy !req
365. - Look, steve,
I just wanna—Copy !req
366. - No, I don't wanna hear
more of your lies.Copy !req
367. You made me a fraud.Copy !req
368. Nothing against gay sex,Copy !req
369. I mean, it's on my bucket list,Copy !req
370. But these songs were innocent,
and you betrayed me.Copy !req
371. - I'm sorry, steve.Copy !req
372. I just wanted to help you
leave your mark.Copy !req
373. I promise
I'll never lie to you again.Copy !req
374. - It's too late.Copy !req
375. I quit!
- You can't quit!Copy !req
376. - Oh, yeah?Copy !req
377. They said
I couldn't spell either,Copy !req
378. But watch me l-e-v-e.Copy !req
379. - You're not going anywhere.Copy !req
380. - Who are
these effeminate thugs?Copy !req
381. - Oh, uh, I may have signed
your life away to the gay mafiaCopy !req
382. Without telling you.Copy !req
383. That's an omission of fact.Copy !req
384. Not a lie.
Big difference.Copy !req
385. - That little freak-out
on ellenCopy !req
386. Better not mean trouble
for your concert,Copy !req
387. Because if you don't show up
with a new single, you are bothCopy !req
388. - If I'm gonna get
a death threat,Copy !req
389. I do prefer show tune-style.Copy !req
390. - Oh.
We've searched for hours.Copy !req
391. Where could he be?Copy !req
392. - Stupid machine.
I hate you.Copy !req
393. - Malloy!Copy !req
394. - Oh,
I never thought I'd say this,Copy !req
395. But I'm really happy
to see you guys.Copy !req
396. I hate being big.Copy !req
397. - I know exactly what you mean.Copy !req
398. - I said "big,"
not "kathy bates."Copy !req
399. - Woody needs you.Copy !req
400. He's gone crazy
without you around.Copy !req
401. - There's nothing I can do.Copy !req
402. This machine only grants
one wish per customer.Copy !req
403. - I can make a wish.Copy !req
404. Oops, sorry.Copy !req
405. That's the first thing
that popped into my head.Copy !req
406. - Connie, this isn't about you.Copy !req
407. - Oh, it didn't work.Copy !req
408. - Yes, it did.Copy !req
409. Guess who's hpv-free.Copy !req
410. - Give it a week.Copy !req
411. - We need to get woody.Copy !req
412. He's the only one
who would use his wishCopy !req
413. To make malloy small again.Copy !req
414. - Oh, ray-ray, you alive!Copy !req
415. Oh, I'm so happy.Copy !req
416. I get to kill you again,
mother!Copy !req
417. - Oh!
Ooh! Ooh!Copy !req
418. - Woody!Copy !req
419. Oh, he could be anywhere.Copy !req
420. - Say hello to my little friend.Copy !req
421. - I'll say.Copy !req
422. - Hey, the water's cold,
all right?Copy !req
423. We all know I'm packing 12
when I'm hanging right.Copy !req
424. Now prepare to die!Copy !req
425. You'll never take me alive!Copy !req
426. - Um...Copy !req
427. Bang?Copy !req
428. - Come on, man,
you got another song in you.Copy !req
429. - Okay.
Okay, I can do this.Copy !req
430. - We're.Copy !req
431. The only honorable thing
to do nowCopy !req
432. Is to change our names
and start a new life.Copy !req
433. - Good thing I keep
a couple of emergency disguisesCopy !req
434. Just in case.Copy !req
435. - Steve, what in the hell
are we supposed to be?Copy !req
436. - Duh.
The lone ranger and tauntaun.Copy !req
437. We'll blend right in.Copy !req
438. - Steve?
Steve williams?Copy !req
439. - Uh, no.Copy !req
440. I'm a tauntaun.Copy !req
441. - My entire life,
I've been bullied for being gay.Copy !req
442. I was about to end it all
before I heard your music.Copy !req
443. You're my hero.Copy !req
444. - You're telling me
your life was savedCopy !req
445. By the song butt love?Copy !req
446. - Be quiet, chemotherapy.Copy !req
447. This kid just gave me
an idea for a song.Copy !req
448. What's your name, son?Copy !req
449. - Billy black.Copy !req
450. - My biggest fan inspired me
to write a touching new song.Copy !req
451. Come up onstage here, billy.Copy !req
452. Billy, I promise
it gets better,Copy !req
453. Even though sometimes
people can be cruel.Copy !req
454. This goes out to you,
billy black.Copy !req
455. - gay riot!Copy !req
456. - Get him!Copy !req
457. - That's it.
You guys are finished.Copy !req
458. - Oh, man.Copy !req
459. Why couldn't that kid
have been named billy mexican?Copy !req
460. - I'll give you
anything you want.Copy !req
461. Just don't kill me!Copy !req
462. Ow!Copy !req
463. Cubsy wubsy.Copy !req
464. Is that you?Copy !req
465. - Woody!Copy !req
466. Woody, I was wrong.Copy !req
467. Being big sucks.Copy !req
468. Please wish me smaller.Copy !req
469. - Anything for you,
little buddy.Copy !req
470. - I love magic.Copy !req
471. ah, shit, what's happening?Copy !req
472. - Aww!Copy !req
473. My cubsy wubsy is even cuter
wuter when he's tiny whiney.Copy !req
474. - Goddamn irony.
Magic sucks.Copy !req
475. - That was a disaster.Copy !req
476. Why did they hate my song
so much?Copy !req
477. - Don't sweat it, steve.Copy !req
478. You just need a change of venue.Copy !req
479. - Denzel was right.Copy !req
480. These angry cancer patients
love my billy black song.Copy !req
481. Heil, steve!Copy !req
482. - Hi back to you!Copy !req
483. - Aah!Copy !req