1. How you like
your road eggs?Copy !req
2. Same way I like my road head:
runny and in my mouth.Copy !req
3. Uh, how about I just
scramble these?Copy !req
4. What?Copy !req
5. Who the hell set the thermostat
to 38 degrees?Copy !req
6. Woody did.Copy !req
7. Woody, that is
such a waste of energy.Copy !req
8. Don't you care
about our planet at all?Copy !req
9. Oh, shut up, Ethel.Copy !req
10. Our planet is fine.Copy !req
11. It was here 2,015 years
before me,Copy !req
12. and it'll be here 2,015 years
after me.Copy !req
13. Wow. Don't you know anything
about the history of the Earth?Copy !req
14. I know plenty.
Here's a free history lesson.Copy !req
15. Listen and learn.Copy !req
16. And that's pretty much it.
Cue the theme song.Copy !req
17. Connie,
I know that global warmingCopy !req
18. is to blame
for this heat wave.Copy !req
19. It's so hot, my camel toe's
losing its humps.Copy !req
20. I got this CO2 meter
to prove my theory.Copy !req
21. The levels in the park
have never been higher.Copy !req
22. I wonder what's causing
the spike.Copy !req
23. Probably that.Copy !req
24. Woody, this Freon's kind of
making me light-headed.Copy !req
25. Says it kills brain cells.Copy !req
26. No, you're in the clear, Steve.Copy !req
27. Woody, what's this?Copy !req
28. "Low-efficiency AC unit"?Copy !req
29. It's hot, dummy.Copy !req
30. My ball sack's sticking
to the inside of my thighs.Copy !req
31. When I spread my legs,
it looks like the Batman symbol.Copy !req
32. Okay, ew!Copy !req
33. Woody, your environmental
irresponsibilityCopy !req
34. is part of the reason
it's so hot.Copy !req
35. It's global warming.Copy !req
36. Global warming?Copy !req
37. You believe
in that fairy-tale bullshit?Copy !req
38. You also believe
in Santa ClausCopy !req
39. and the myth
of the female orgasm?Copy !req
40. It's real.
We have proof.Copy !req
41. Yeah,
I've got all theseCopy !req
42. Indonesian squirting videos
that show—Copy !req
43. Not that, Connie.Copy !req
44. Global warming.Copy !req
45. Even the polar ice caps
are melting.Copy !req
46. Oh, no!Copy !req
47. Ice is melting
5 million miles away.Copy !req
48. Let me flash my sweaty sack
to the sky and call Batman.Copy !req
49. Look at this.Copy !req
50. If the CO2 levels
go into the red,Copy !req
51. it could set off
an environmental disasterCopy !req
52. worse than we've ever seen.Copy !req
53. I guess you've never been
downwind of ConnieCopy !req
54. after a Del Taco run.Copy !req
55. Environmental disaster
my ass.Copy !req
56. Cows fart out
more greenhouse gasesCopy !req
57. than we produce.Copy !req
58. It's natural.Copy !req
59. Carbon dioxide is as safe
as that barrel of Freon.Copy !req
60. Woody, for once,
try not to beCopy !req
61. such an ignorant,
stubborn dickbag.Copy !req
62. We've all got to shrink
our carbon footprints.Copy !req
63. I got a better idea.Copy !req
64. I'm going to expand
my carbon footprint.Copy !req
65. In fact, this ignorant,
stubborn dickbag is gonna haveCopy !req
66. the biggest goddamn
carbon footprint in historyCopy !req
67. just to prove you wrong.Copy !req
68. I better get inside.Copy !req
69. I don't feel so goo—Copy !req
70. Dibs on
the back tits.Copy !req
71. Hey!
Why'd you throw away my phone?Copy !req
72. Because it's up to us
to counterbalance the damageCopy !req
73. that Woody is doing
to this planet.Copy !req
74. We've got to go green and cut
our carbon footprints to zero.Copy !req
75. Can I at least keep
my vibrator?Copy !req
76. It's green.Copy !req
77. I'm pretty sure it was white
when you bought it.Copy !req
78. I feel like we've made
some good progress here.Copy !req
79. I can feel Mother Earth
healing.Copy !req
80. (Woody)
Hey, Ethel, how do you likeCopy !req
81. my "global warming's bullshit"
parade?Copy !req
82. Yay!
A parade!Copy !req
83. Shut up, Connie.Copy !req
84. This whole thing is
a you" to me.Copy !req
85. What makes you feel
that way?Copy !req
86. That sign does.Copy !req
87. Every float expands
my carbon footprint,Copy !req
88. including the Woody Johnson
musical farting cows.Copy !req
89. Now, how can that
not put a smile on your face?Copy !req
90. - I hate cows.
- What? How could you hate cows?Copy !req
91. There's something off
about them.Copy !req
92. They're always watching us
with those dead eyes.Copy !req
93. It's like
they're planning something.Copy !req
94. You scared of cows!Copy !req
95. I'm not scared of cows.Copy !req
96. Well, let's go say hello.Copy !req
97. No, no, no!Copy !req
98. Hey, everybody,Copy !req
99. Malloy's scared of cows!Copy !req
100. Okay, maybe a little.Copy !req
101. But it's
because of my animal instinct.Copy !req
102. I have heightened senses.Copy !req
103. Trust me,
I don't want this gift.Copy !req
104. Connie, it's going to be
a heavy flow day.Copy !req
105. (Connie)
Thanks, Malloy.Copy !req
106. Well, I think cows
are cool,Copy !req
107. especially ones
that can fart Mozart.Copy !req
108. Oh, Ethel,
you should see the lookCopy !req
109. on your stupid fa—
Ahh!Copy !req
110. Cold!Copy !req
111. Ahh!Copy !req
112. From now on,
no more hot water, Connie!Copy !req
113. What is that light?Copy !req
114. (Connie)
A smoke detector.Copy !req
115. Whoa.
Are you off your meds?Copy !req
116. I mean, yeah,
you, smoke detector.Copy !req
117. We've gotta go somewhere
that's 100% green.Copy !req
118. Why should we accept you two
outsiders into our community?Copy !req
119. Because living here
free of technologyCopy !req
120. is the only way we can stop
contributing to global warming.Copy !req
121. I'm sorry,
but our community doesn't needCopy !req
122. any more nagging harpies.Copy !req
123. Now please leave.Copy !req
124. Okay.Copy !req
125. Here's the key
to your house,Copy !req
126. and your ox can stay
in the barn.Copy !req
127. What?
3 grand?Copy !req
128. Why the hell is my power bill
so high?Copy !req
129. It's beautiful, Woody.Copy !req
130. Yeah, but trying to make
carbon footprint historyCopy !req
131. is making me go broke.Copy !req
132. Steve, climb to the top
of that transformerCopy !req
133. and steal me
some electricity.Copy !req
134. I guess I gotta
cut through this wire.Copy !req
135. Steve, you idiot,
you're gonna get electrocuted!Copy !req
136. Be safe.Copy !req
137. Use the wet, non-grounded
metal hedge clippers.Copy !req
138. Good thinking.Copy !req
139. Oh, no!Copy !req
140. Are you okay...Copy !req
141. Hedge clippers?Copy !req
142. God damn it, Steve,
you melted them.Copy !req
143. These were
my favorite hedge clippers,Copy !req
144. you dumb son of a—
ow!Copy !req
145. Woody, move!Copy !req
146. The transformer's
going to fall and crush you.Copy !req
147. I saw it happen.Copy !req
148. What the hell
are you talking about, Steve?Copy !req
149. - Move!Copy !req
150. Holy crap, Steve.
You can see the future.Copy !req
151. Love them farting cows.Copy !req
152. Now, play us out, ladies.Copy !req
153. And then,
Steve saw into the future.Copy !req
154. He is awesome.Copy !req
155. Aw, seeing into the future
is impossible.Copy !req
156. So is Steve being awesome.Copy !req
157. Hey, lay off
my new favorite ranger.Copy !req
158. Show 'em, Steve.
Do it again.Copy !req
159. I'm glad you're impressed,
Woody,Copy !req
160. but I don't know
how I did it.Copy !req
161. I just got a shock
and then—Copy !req
162. Denzel,
you're about to get punched.Copy !req
163. See, this is bullshit.Copy !req
164. Nobody's about to pu—
Hey!Copy !req
165. That's for ruining
60 years of marriage.Copy !req
166. See?
I told you.Copy !req
167. Steve, I am gonna put
your power to good use.Copy !req
168. - It is amazing.
- Not really.Copy !req
169. Denzel gets punched by old men
ten times a day.Copy !req
170. Ha ha, I guess I do—
ow!Copy !req
171. You son of a bitch.Copy !req
172. How am I supposed to follow
that black anaconda?Copy !req
173. It's like
I'm a basketball hoop.Copy !req
174. What time is it?Copy !req
175. 4:30 a.m.Copy !req
176. This was your first night,
so we let you sleep in.Copy !req
177. Morning, Ethel.Copy !req
178. Whoa.Copy !req
179. You took away
my electric razor, remember?Copy !req
180. That's the saddest beard
I've seen since Kelly Preston.Copy !req
181. We don't know who that is.Copy !req
182. Sister Ethel,
you will do the house chores.Copy !req
183. Brother Connie,
you will work with the restCopy !req
184. of the men in the fields.Copy !req
185. - Whee!Copy !req
186. Ha ha.
Stupid cows.Copy !req
187. - What was that?Copy !req
188. Is that you,
Blue Oyster Cult?Copy !req
189. You're a little pussy.Copy !req
190. I wasn't scared!Copy !req
191. Oh, cow, don't stab me
with that knifeCopy !req
192. that you're somehow holding
with no handsCopy !req
193. or fingers
or opposable thumbs.Copy !req
194. Just leave me alone.Copy !req
195. Hey, is that
Slaughter House 5?Copy !req
196. Watch this.Copy !req
197. I know how to unlock
the bolt gun.Copy !req
198. All right, Steve, let's not draw
any attention to ourselves.Copy !req
199. 28 black.Copy !req
200. Winner.
28 black.Copy !req
201. Yes!
Mwah!Copy !req
202. We are just getting started,
Steve-arino.Copy !req
203. But, Woody, I could die
from all these shocks.Copy !req
204. Let's check.Copy !req
205. Do you die
from all these shocks?Copy !req
206. No.Copy !req
207. Then let's clean
this bitch out!Copy !req
208. I never thought I'd say this,
but good job, Steve.Copy !req
209. Thanks, Woody.Copy !req
210. But, uh, what are you gonna do
with all of this money?Copy !req
211. I'm gonna use it to keep a
little promise I made to Ethel.Copy !req
212. With us today
is Woody Johnson,Copy !req
213. the man with the biggest
carbon footprint on Earth.Copy !req
214. Neil, your head is
even more gigantic in person.Copy !req
215. - It's very impressive.
- Thanks.Copy !req
216. Woody, what exactly
does your company,Copy !req
217. Woody Johnson Inc., produce?Copy !req
218. We produce carbon dioxide.Copy !req
219. - That's it?
- Yep.Copy !req
220. We need more heroes like you,
Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
221. Wouldn't you agree,
Bill Nye?Copy !req
222. No, I couldn't disagree more.Copy !req
223. That bow tie makes me want
to punch the shit out of you.Copy !req
224. Neil, global warming
is real.Copy !req
225. And the CO2 level
in Brickleberry Industrial ParkCopy !req
226. is the highest on record.Copy !req
227. A scientist is basically
a gay wizard.Copy !req
228. Scientifically speaking,Copy !req
229. it's almost
in the dangerous red zone.Copy !req
230. What happens
if it goes into the red?Copy !req
231. We don't really know,
but it won't be good.Copy !req
232. Knowingly increasing
your carbon footprintCopy !req
233. like Mr. Johnson is doing
is absolutely despicable.Copy !req
234. I'm Bill Nye.
This dick tastes so good.Copy !req
235. Nummy, nummy.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.Copy !req
236. This was the worst day
of my life!Copy !req
237. This was the best day
of my life.Copy !req
238. How was your day,
Sister Ethel?Copy !req
239. Greatest day ever.Copy !req
240. Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy.Copy !req
241. I think
we should live here forever.Copy !req
242. I really feel at home
among the Aim-ish.Copy !req
243. First of all,
it's Amish!Copy !req
244. Second, your face
looks like a fat turdCopy !req
245. rolled in orangutan hair.Copy !req
246. But at prayer service,
you said I looked likeCopy !req
247. Abe Lincoln raped
Carrot Top.Copy !req
248. I need some alone time!Copy !req
249. I guess I'll go read The Bible
by candlelight.Copy !req
250. Oh.Copy !req
251. Ethel, I'm sorry
I mispronounced Am-osh.Copy !req
252. I, uh, hey!Copy !req
253. Connie!Copy !req
254. Is that Happy Dappy Bird?Copy !req
255. How could you do this after you
made me throw away all my stuff?Copy !req
256. Living like this
was just too hard.Copy !req
257. You're a hypocrite,Copy !req
258. and you broke the rules
of our Aa-mish people.Copy !req
259. I'm sorry, Connie.Copy !req
260. Sorry?Copy !req
261. Do you know how much it sucks
using a hand-cranked vibrator?Copy !req
262. Now if you'll excuse me,Copy !req
263. I've got to go pick
the splinters out of my cooch.Copy !req
264. I've been pissing toothpicks
since Tuesday!Copy !req
265. (Malloy)
Every 3 feet.Copy !req
266. You know what that means?Copy !req
267. That cows shit a lot?Copy !req
268. It's a sign.Copy !req
269. The cows are trying
to communicate something.Copy !req
270. What are you,
some kind of conspiracy nut?Copy !req
271. These cows are probably
just trying to sayCopy !req
272. "free psychedelic mushrooms."Copy !req
273. You haven't been eating those,
have you?Copy !req
274. Now what makes you
say that?Copy !req
275. Okay, Steve, I need
some more important informationCopy !req
276. about the future.Copy !req
277. Will I like
that new Adam Sandler movie?Copy !req
278. You say it's about as funny
as Schindler's List.Copy !req
279. Wow.
That funny?Copy !req
280. One more, Steve.Copy !req
281. Will this chalupa
give me the shits?Copy !req
282. This environmental disasterCopy !req
283. that could mean
the end for mankindCopy !req
284. is being blamed on one man:
Woody Johnson.Copy !req
285. Oh, Jim, don't stop.Copy !req
286. (Jim)
I can't stop. I'm stuck.Copy !req
287. Oh, you're alive.Copy !req
288. I'll just save this
for later then.Copy !req
289. Woody, Ethel was right
about everything.Copy !req
290. You've got to shut
this place down.Copy !req
291. God, don't tell me
you're going to startCopy !req
292. with this global warming
horseshit.Copy !req
293. Woody, we both know that
I can see the future, right?Copy !req
294. Uh-huh.Copy !req
295. So when a person
that can see the futureCopy !req
296. tells you that global warming
is real,Copy !req
297. don't you think
you should believe him?Copy !req
298. I only believe hard facts,
like pregnant virgins,Copy !req
299. talking snakes,
and magical Jews.Copy !req
300. It's simple.Copy !req
301. Shut this place down,
or everyone will die.Copy !req
302. If you want Woody Incorporated
shut down,Copy !req
303. you'll have to kill me first.Copy !req
304. Now, future boy,Copy !req
305. tell me
if you saw this coming.Copy !req
306. What's up, Woody?Copy !req
307. Steve, real quick
before you go splat,Copy !req
308. will the chalupa
give me the shits?Copy !req
309. Yes, it will.Copy !req
310. Ah, it.
I'm eating it anyway.Copy !req
311. Oh! That was quick.Copy !req
312. Denzel,
we have to kill Woody.Copy !req
313. - Yep.
- Don't you want to know why?Copy !req
314. - Nope.
- But I'm no match for Woody.Copy !req
315. Steve, you have the ability
to see into the future.Copy !req
316. You're like a superhero.Copy !req
317. That's only
when I'm being shocked.Copy !req
318. Yeah, well, I guess
it's one in the pee-holeCopy !req
319. and two in the b-hole.Copy !req
320. Let's get to it.Copy !req
321. With electricity.Copy !req
322. Oh, then we need to come up
with some new technology,Copy !req
323. so you can control
your superpower.Copy !req
324. A shock collar?Copy !req
325. Aren't these for dogs?Copy !req
326. Yeah, just bark
to activate it.Copy !req
327. I thought you said
this would be cool,Copy !req
328. like Iron Man.Copy !req
329. One, Tony Stark
is a billionaire.Copy !req
330. And two, I'm still high
as on mushrooms.Copy !req
331. Okay, Ethel, you can do this.Copy !req
332. Screw it!Copy !req
333. See? I told you
she was breaking the rules.Copy !req
334. What are we going to do
to her, brothers?Copy !req
335. Give her extra laundry duty?Copy !req
336. Let this be a lesson
to all of you.Copy !req
337. Technology is evil.Copy !req
338. And those of you who use it
must die.Copy !req
339. Uh, don't you guys think
this is a little harsh?Copy !req
340. No.Copy !req
341. And there's only one thing
worse than technology:Copy !req
342. tattletales.Copy !req
343. God damn it.Copy !req
344. You here to kill me,
future boy?Copy !req
345. Woody, I'm gonna give you
one more chanceCopy !req
346. to shut this plant down.Copy !req
347. Sure. Let me just grab
my shut-down button.Copy !req
348. Looking for this?
Give it up.Copy !req
349. With this collar,
all I have to do is bark,Copy !req
350. and I'll know everything you're
gonna do before you do it.Copy !req
351. Crap.
Really?Copy !req
352. Well, what happens next?
Do I beat the shit out of you?Copy !req
353. - No.
- I do now.Copy !req
354. - Ahh!Copy !req
355. Oh, look, over there!Copy !req
356. Viggo Mortensen is behind you
sucking himself off.Copy !req
357. I know you're lying.Copy !req
358. I have to look.Copy !req
359. - Whew.
- I knew you'd hide here.Copy !req
360. Quick, take me
to the airport.Copy !req
361. So you can
fly to AustraliaCopy !req
362. and change your name
to Rick Swordfire?Copy !req
363. Oh, God damn it!Copy !req
364. My powers are too much
for you, Woody.Copy !req
365. Yeah, but you're still stupid.Copy !req
366. At this rate,
we'll starve to deathCopy !req
367. before we burn to death.Copy !req
368. Well, it's been
five hours, but...Copy !req
369. I think I've got it
just about start—Copy !req
370. Sorry.
Front fart.Copy !req
371. (all)
Aww!Copy !req
372. Calm down, people.Copy !req
373. Stake burnings
always take a while.Copy !req
374. Unless you all know
a better way.Copy !req
375. I've got a lighter.Copy !req
376. God damn it.Copy !req
377. Connie, I've got an idea.Copy !req
378. Reach in my pocket
and grab my—whoa!Copy !req
379. Phone!
Grab my phone, you idiot.Copy !req
380. Oh, I thought you wanted
to go out with a bang.Copy !req
381. - A finger ba—
- Yeah, I got it.Copy !req
382. Happy Dappy Bird?Copy !req
383. This is evil technology.Copy !req
384. It's a—oh!Copy !req
385. Oh, no, watch out
for that pipe, Dappy Bird.Copy !req
386. - Me next!
- Me too!Copy !req
387. Wait.
What are we doing?Copy !req
388. God damn it.Copy !req
389. Who the hell's gonna light
all these?Copy !req
390. What the hell
is all this?Copy !req
391. I've had a breakthrough,
Denzel.Copy !req
392. What do cows eat?Copy !req
393. - Grass?
- Grass.Copy !req
394. Grassy knoll?
Cows killed JFK.Copy !req
395. Why the hell would a cow
want to kill the President?Copy !req
396. Can't you see
that it's all coming to a head?Copy !req
397. They are getting ready
for something.Copy !req
398. Look at these satellite photos
from all over the world.Copy !req
399. Cows are grouping together,
organizing,Copy !req
400. forming into some kind of—Copy !req
401. Herd?Copy !req
402. I was gonna say clan,
but I'm in mixed company.Copy !req
403. All right, I've had enough
of this nonsense.Copy !req
404. There's only one way to beat
an irrational fear: face it.Copy !req
405. I'm gonna prove to you that cows
are kind, peaceful animals.Copy !req
406. How?Copy !req
407. Hey! No! Off!
Ugh! Gross.Copy !req
408. See?
She likes you.Copy !req
409. Oh, shit!Copy !req
410. You forced me to do this,
Woody.Copy !req
411. Don't do it, Steve.Copy !req
412. Woody, where did you hide
my Christmas presents?Copy !req
413. They're in the closet,
top shelf.Copy !req
414. - Fire away, Steve.
- Yeah, Steve.Copy !req
415. This thing you told me to watch
but I forgot to watchCopy !req
416. is almost in the red.Copy !req
417. Oh, shit.Copy !req
418. You see?
Nothing happened.Copy !req
419. Hands up, humans.Copy !req
420. What did I tell you?Copy !req
421. You see,
thousands of years ago,Copy !req
422. we sent a small group
of our kind to this planet.Copy !req
423. Their mission was to rectally
release greenhouse gasesCopy !req
424. and raise them to a level
that our kind can thrive in.Copy !req
425. Okay, is anyone else seeing
this shit?Copy !req
426. We estimated that it would take
another 71 million years,Copy !req
427. but thanks to this idiot,
we'll be taking over today.Copy !req
428. B-b-but we can live together
in peace and harmony, right?Copy !req
429. Sure.
That's the plan.Copy !req
430. Moo.
Moo moo moo moo moo.Copy !req
431. They've been eating you?Copy !req
432. Moo. Moo moo.
Moo moo moo moo moo.Copy !req
433. Yanking on your teats?Copy !req
434. Moo. Moo moo moo moo moo.
Moo.Copy !req
435. But you're cool
with India?Copy !req
436. Got it.Copy !req
437. Well, so much for peace
and harmony.Copy !req
438. Woody!Copy !req
439. Thank God we're home.
We'll be safe here.Copy !req
440. (Denzel)
Yeah, we got
those mother, didn't we?Copy !req
441. Denzel, no!Copy !req
442. Thank God.
It was all a dream.Copy !req
443. I must have went into a coma
when I got electrocutedCopy !req
444. on that transformer.Copy !req
445. Oh, you're awake.Copy !req
446. Just in time to go
into human slavery.Copy !req
447. We'll take it from here,
Dr. Moo-zniak.Copy !req
448. No.
No, no, no!Copy !req
449. This is awesome!Copy !req