1. - I'M HONORED TO INTRODUCE
THE WOMANCopy !req
2. WHO'S BEEN AN INSPIRATION
OF MINE FOR YEARS.Copy !req
3. SHE'S SHOWN THE WOMEN
OF THIS STATECopy !req
4. THAT IF WE PUT OUR MINDS TO IT,
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.Copy !req
5. - A FEMALE GOVERNOR?
EW, YUCK!Copy !req
6. AM I THE ONLY ONE
WHO HATES WOMEN? HUH?Copy !req
7. - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,Copy !req
8. THE CURRENT AND FUTURE
GOVERNOR, NINA MELCHER!Copy !req
9. - GOOD MORNING,
BRICKLEBERRY.Copy !req
10. IT'S SUCH
AN HONOR TO SPEAK TO—Copy !req
11. - BOO!Copy !req
12. I'M HERE TO SEE THE GOVERNOR,
NOT HIS FRUMPY HOUSEKEEPER!Copy !req
13. - WOODY!
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?Copy !req
14. - SHH! HE DRANK HIS BREAKFAST.
LET'S SEE WHERE THIS GOES.Copy !req
15. - I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT MY PROBLEM IS!Copy !req
16. I DON'T WANT
SOME UPPITY SHE-GOVERNORCopy !req
17. TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!Copy !req
18. I'M HERE TO LODGE
AN INTELLIGENT PROTEST!Copy !req
19. SHOW YOUR TITS!
SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS!Copy !req
20. I WAS TALKING TO HER,
YOU IDIOT!Copy !req
21. HEY, STEVE,
YOU GOT NICE TITS.Copy !req
22. - SIR, IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO ME?Copy !req
23. - YES, GOVERNOR "FELCHER,"
THERE IS!Copy !req
24. FOR 700 PROUD YEARS,
THIS COUNTRY WAS RUN BY MEN!Copy !req
25. ALL COURAGE, ATTITUDE,
AND BIG, SWINGING SAUSAGE.Copy !req
26. BUT THEN WOMEN
GOT PUT IN CHARGE.Copy !req
27. WHAT'S NEXT?Copy !req
28. MAKING THE TAMPON
THE OFFICIAL STATE BIRD?Copy !req
29. - OR MAXI PADS.
THEY HAVE WINGS.Copy !req
30. - I SUGGEST
THAT YOU BE QUIETCopy !req
31. AND SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT,
OR YOU'LL REGRET IT.Copy !req
32. - RUN FOR COVER, EVERYBODY!
SHE'S HAVIN' A HOT FLASH!Copy !req
33. - SHUT YOUR SEXIST MOUTH!Copy !req
34. - OH, WHAT'S SHE GONNA DO?Copy !req
35. WHAT THE HELL?Copy !req
36. "THE WOODY JOHNSON IS A SEXIST
ASSHOLE MEMORIAL HIGHWAY"?Copy !req
37. NO!Copy !req
38. - SHE BUILT A GODDAMN HIGHWAY
THROUGH MY PARK!Copy !req
39. - WELL, MAYBE NEXT TIME,
YOU'LL THINK TWICECopy !req
40. ABOUT PICKING A FIGHT
WITH THE GOVERNOR.Copy !req
41. SHE'S A PIT BULL.Copy !req
42. - WELL, YOU'RE JUST LUCKY
THAT I CAN'T THINKCopy !req
43. OF A DEROGATORY TERM
FOR "FEMALE DOG."Copy !req
44. - I'VE GOT ONE—CONNIE.
- OH.Copy !req
45. - IF YOU WANT
THAT HIGHWAY GONE,Copy !req
46. YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE
TO THE GOVERNOR.Copy !req
47. - I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE
TO A WOMAN!Copy !req
48. AND IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, ETHEL,
WELL, I APOLOGIZE.Copy !req
49. - BUT YOU JUST APOLOGIZED.Copy !req
50. - OH, DON'T TRAP ME
WITH YOUR GOOPY VAGINA LOGIC!Copy !req
51. - JESUS, WOODY, WHAT DID
YOUR MOTHER DO TO YOU?Copy !req
52. - MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT.Copy !req
53. - I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, SON.
HAPPY EIGHTH BIRTHDAY.Copy !req
54. NOW, SCREW THIS HOOKER SO YOU
DON'T TURN INTO A QUEER.Copy !req
55. - AND THAT'S HOW WOODY
MET HIS FIRST WIFE.Copy !req
56. - GOOD MORNING, RANGERS.Copy !req
57. - "GO BACK TO AFRICA, NEGRO."Copy !req
58. - WOODY!
- WHAT?Copy !req
59. I WAS JUST
READING HIS SHIRT.Copy !req
60. - SOME REDNECKS
GAVE IT TO ME.Copy !req
61. THEY'RE OUTSIDE, RECRUITING
FOR THEIR MILITIA.Copy !req
62. - BUT WHY ARE YOU
WEARING IT?Copy !req
63. - I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT
IT SAY—IT'S A FREE T-SHIRT.Copy !req
64. - I LIKE IT.
DOES IT COME IN PUERTO RICAN?Copy !req
65. - OH, CRAP.Copy !req
66. NOW WE GOT A MILITIA
TO DEAL WITH?Copy !req
67. THIS IS NOT MY WEEK.
STEVE, GO TAKE CARE OF IT!Copy !req
68. WHERE THE HELL IS STEVE?Copy !req
69. - UM... HELP?Copy !req
70. - AH, SCREW STEVE.
CONNIE, GO TAKE CARE OF IT!Copy !req
71. UH, IS THIS
THE MILITIA MEETING?Copy !req
72. I WAS SENT HERE TO—Copy !req
73. - YEAH!
YOU WANNA JOIN?Copy !req
74. - BODEAN, WHAT THE HELL?Copy !req
75. - WHAT?
WE NEED MEMBERS, BOBBY.Copy !req
76. - WE'RE ANTI-GAY, REMEMBER?Copy !req
77. SHE'S A GAY.Copy !req
78. - YEAH, BOBBY, I REMEMBER,
BUT SHE LOOKS STRONGCopy !req
79. AND NOBODY ELSE WILL JOIN,Copy !req
80. NOT EVEN YOUR CRAZY BROTHER
OR YOUR CRIPPLED SISTERCopy !req
81. OR YOUR DIRTY WHORE AUNT
WHO TRIED TO BITE MY PETER OFF.Copy !req
82. - GOOD POINT.Copy !req
83. OKAY, I GOT
AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.Copy !req
84. YOU CAN JOIN.
WE ARE NOW PRO-GAY.Copy !req
85. - OH, BOY! OH, BOY!
OH, BOY!Copy !req
86. NOBODY EVER ASKED ME
TO JOIN A CLUB BEFORE.Copy !req
87. - AND HERE'S
YOUR FREE T-SHIRT.Copy !req
88. - YAY!
FREE T-SHIRT!Copy !req
89. - HOW'S THE SOUP?Copy !req
90. - WHAT?
- SOUP!Copy !req
91. - POOP?
- NO! SOUP!Copy !req
92. - I KNOW!Copy !req
93. I'M SAYING
YOUR SOUP TASTES LIKE SHIT.Copy !req
94. - OW! OH! OH!
DAMN IT!Copy !req
95. - YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO APOLOGIZE?Copy !req
96. - NEVER! WE ARE GONNA MAKE
THE BEST OF THIS!Copy !req
97. WHERE THE
DID THAT COME FROM?Copy !req
98. AND WHO THE HELL
ARE YOU?Copy !req
99. - MAN, I'M GLAD
YOU'RE OPEN.Copy !req
100. THIS IS THE FIRST REST STOP
FOR MILES.Copy !req
101. I GOTTA SQUEAK A LEAK
OUT OF MY CROTCH BEAK.Copy !req
102. - WHAT THE HELL?Copy !req
103. - HEY, ARE YOU THE MANAGER?
I THINK I BROKE YOUR SHITTER.Copy !req
104. BUT DON'T WORRY.
PEOPLE ARE STILL USING IT.Copy !req
105. - BLEGH!Copy !req
106. WHAT THE—Copy !req
107. - YOU SAID,
"MAKE THE BEST OF IT."Copy !req
108. - THAT'S IT!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!Copy !req
109. - AABHEER, YOUR SHIFT'S
STARTING EARLY.Copy !req
110. - JACKPOT.Copy !req
111. - I THINK IT'S GREAT
THAT YOU'RE APOLOGIZING.Copy !req
112. IT SHOWS
YOUR SENSITIVE SIDE.Copy !req
113. HEY, WHAT KIND OF FLOWERS
ARE THOSE? PANSIES?Copy !req
114. - NO, THEY'RE A BOUQUET
OF SHUT-THE-UPSIES.Copy !req
115. I'LL DO ANYTHING TO GET
THAT HIGHWAY OUT OF MY PARK.Copy !req
116. WOW! NICE MANSION!Copy !req
117. WHY DON'T WE LIVE
IN A PLACE LIKE THIS?Copy !req
118. OH, RIGHT!Copy !req
119. 'CAUSE THAT LADY GOVERNORCopy !req
120. IS MORE OF A MAN
THAN YOU ARE.Copy !req
121. - HELLO, GOVERNOR.Copy !req
122. - OH, IT'S YOU.
MAKE IT FAST, JOHNSON.Copy !req
123. I'M LATE
FOR A VERY IMPORTANT SPEECH.Copy !req
124. - THIS WILL ONLY
TAKE A SECOND.Copy !req
125. I JUST WANTED TO SAY
I'M S-S-S-S-S-S—Copy !req
126. - SUCH A PUSSY.Copy !req
127. - I'M SOR—EEH-UHH!Copy !req
128. I'M SORRY
THAT YOU FELT THREATENEDCopy !req
129. BY MY MANHOOD
AND GOT ALL WEEPYCopy !req
130. WHEN I TOLD THE TRUTH!Copy !req
131. THERE.Copy !req
132. - THAT'S YOUR APOLOGY?Copy !req
133. - PLUS THESE.Copy !req
134. - HE ATE MOST OF THE CANDY
ON THE WAY HERE.Copy !req
135. - AND JUDGING BY YOUR ASS,
I DID YOU A FAVOR.Copy !req
136. KIDDING.Copy !req
137. YOUR ASS ISN'T THAT—
WELL, IT'S PRETTY BIG,Copy !req
138. BUT, HEY, I'D STILL DO YOU
WITH THE LIGHTS OFF.Copy !req
139. SO, FRIENDS AGAIN?Copy !req
140. - I CAN PROMISE YOU
ONE THING, MR. JOHNSON.Copy !req
141. AS LONG AS I'M GOVERNOR
OF THIS STATE,Copy !req
142. THAT HIGHWAY
WON'T MOVE AN INCH!Copy !req
143. - WHAT? YOU CAN'T DO THIS
TO ME, YOU DIRTY C—Copy !req
144. - NOW, IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME.Copy !req
145. - SO THE TRUCK STOP STAYS.
ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
146. I GOTTA GET HOME
AND PATCH UP SOME GLORY HOLES.Copy !req
147. - NOT SO FAST!
I AIN'T DONE YET.Copy !req
148. STEP ASIDE, LADY!Copy !req
149. I GOT MY OWN ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE.Copy !req
150. I, WOODROW WAYLAND JOHNSON,
AM RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR!Copy !req
151. ANY QUESTIONS?
YES, THE LADY DRESSED IN BLACK.Copy !req
152. - WHY ARE YOU ANNOUNCING THIS
AT MY SON'S FUNERAL?Copy !req
153. - UH-OH, FOX NEWS JUST SAID
THAT GAY TERRORISTSCopy !req
154. ARE TRYING TO REPLACE
OUR GUNS WITH ABORTIONS.Copy !req
155. THAT'S WHY WOODY
NEEDS TO BE GOVERNOR.Copy !req
156. JUST MAKE THAT DONATION CHECK
OUT TO "MALLOY."Copy !req
157. - HEY, GUYS! IT'S STEVE!Copy !req
158. I'VE BEEN TRAPPED FOR DAYS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY!Copy !req
159. PLEASE SEND—Copy !req
160. - ALL RIGHT, TEAM WOODY!Copy !req
161. HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE WE RAISED?Copy !req
162. - $30,000.
- BOOM!Copy !req
163. - OOPS, SORRY.
NEGATIVE $30,000.Copy !req
164. - WHAT?Copy !req
165. - THERE'S THE PRINTING,
THE RADIO SPOTS,Copy !req
166. UH, AND THAT DOLPHIN
FOR YOUR INAUGURATION.Copy !req
167. - IT WAS AN IMPULSE BUY,
BUT I DON'T REGRET IT.Copy !req
168. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.Copy !req
169. YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF NERVECopy !req
170. WEARING THAT
IN MY CAMPAIGN OFFICE.Copy !req
171. - IT'S NOT YOUR
CAMPAIGN OFFICE, WOODY.Copy !req
172. IT'S THE RANGER STATION.Copy !req
173. - "BURN IN HELL, JEW."
- WHAT?Copy !req
174. OH, MORE FREE
MILITIA T-SHIRTS, DENZEL?Copy !req
175. - NO, I GOT THIS
AT THE GAP.Copy !req
176. - LOOK, WOODY,
YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE.Copy !req
177. GOVERNOR MELCHER
CUT UNEMPLOYMENT,Copy !req
178. SHE BALANCED THE BUDGET,Copy !req
179. AND WON A CONGRESSIONAL
MEDAL OF HONOR.Copy !req
180. YOU'RE A RACIST,
MISOGYNISTIC WAR CRIMINAL!Copy !req
181. - WELL, WHEN YOU SAY IT
WITH THAT NEGATIVE TONE,Copy !req
182. IT SOUNDS BAD, YEAH.Copy !req
183. - UGH!
- WOODY, HERE'S THE DEAL.Copy !req
184. I NEED YOU TO WINCopy !req
185. SO I CAN LIVE
IN THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION.Copy !req
186. - I'M RUNNING
AGAINST A WOMAN.Copy !req
187. OF COURSE
I'M GOING TO WIN.Copy !req
188. - YOU'RE TRAILING
IN THE POLLS BY 99%!Copy !req
189. WE NEED TO DO
SOMETHING DRASTIC.Copy !req
190. - YOU'RE RIGHT!
WE SHOULD BUY ANOTHER DOLPHIN!Copy !req
191. - NO! LET'S BLACKMAIL
THIS WOMAN.Copy !req
192. - OOH, THAT'S SMART.Copy !req
193. GET SOME DIRT ON HER,
HOLD IT OVER HER HEAD.Copy !req
194. - NO. I SAID, "BLACK MALE,"
I.E., YOU.Copy !req
195. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
A SEX TAPE WITH HER.Copy !req
196. - YEAH, THEN WE CAN
WHACK OFF TO IT.Copy !req
197. - NO, WE WILL SEND IT
TO THE PRESS.Copy !req
198. - YOU DO IT YOUR WAY,
I'LL DO IT MINE.Copy !req
199. - I DO LOVE SEX AND ELECTRONICS.
BUT HOW OLD IS SHE?Copy !req
200. - DON'T WORRY.
SHE'S OLD.Copy !req
201. - HEY, DID YOU
HEAR THAT, DICK?Copy !req
202. YOU EXCITED?
LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE!Copy !req
203. - AAH!Copy !req
204. AAH-AAH-AAH-AAH!Copy !req
205. NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO!Copy !req
206. DAMN IT!Copy !req
207. - BODEAN, I'M NOT
ASKING YOU TO SUCK IT.Copy !req
208. JUST HOLD IT IN YOUR MOUTH.Copy !req
209. WELCOME, MEMBER!Copy !req
210. - GUYS, I GOT GREAT NEWS.Copy !req
211. I BROUGHT A NEW RECRUIT!
HE'S MY LIFE COACH.Copy !req
212. - HOLA.Copy !req
213. - NO, NO, NO!
NO MEXICANS!Copy !req
214. WE ARE DEFINITELY
ANTI-MEXICAN!Copy !req
215. - BUT HE BROUGHT
CHIMICHANGAS!Copy !req
216. - THESE ARE REAL GOOD, BOBBY.Copy !req
217. - OKAY, FINE.
YOU CAN JOIN.Copy !req
218. - GRACIAS, AMIGO.Copy !req
219. - THAT'S "BURRITO CHRISTMAS"
IN MEXICAN.Copy !req
220. - HEY, HEY,
SEXY GOVERNOR.Copy !req
221. - OH, I'M NOT THE GOVERNOR.
THAT'S THE GOVERNOR.Copy !req
222. - W-W-W-W-WHAT?Copy !req
223. I GOT SOME BAD NEWS
FOR YOU, DICK.Copy !req
224. - HOW FAR ARE YOU GOING,
FRIEND?Copy !req
225. - ACROSS THE STREET.Copy !req
226. - COOL.
I'LL TAKE YOU THERE.Copy !req
227. SAY, DO YOU MINDCopy !req
228. IF WE MAKE A QUICK STOP
BY MY PARENTS' HOUSE?Copy !req
229. - AAH!Copy !req
230. - CRAZY WEATHER
WE'VE HAD LATELY, HUH?Copy !req
231. WHERE'D YOU SAY
YOU WERE GOING?Copy !req
232. - UH, ACROSS THE STREET.Copy !req
233. - COOL! THAT'S ON THE WAY
TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE.Copy !req
234. - GOVERNOR MELCHER
HAS DROPPED OUT OF THE RACECopy !req
235. AFTER THE RELEASE
OF A SEX TAPE WITH A BLACK MALE.Copy !req
236. - DAMN, YOUR BREASTS
ARE SO FIRM AND PERKY.Copy !req
237. - OH, THANK YOU.Copy !req
238. - THAT WASN'T
NO COMPLIMENT!Copy !req
239. - DENZEL, HOW COULD YOU?Copy !req
240. - WHEW!
IT WASN'T EASY.Copy !req
241. I HAD TO CLOSE MY EYES
AND THINKCopy !req
242. ABOUT QUEEN ELIZABETH
SCISSORING BARBARA BUSH.Copy !req
243. - DAMN IT, WOODY!
THIS IS LOW, EVEN FOR YOU.Copy !req
244. - YOU WANT TO SEE LOW, ETHEL?
WAIT TILL I'M GOVERNOR.Copy !req
245. YOU'LL BE LUCKY TO GO OUTSIDE
WITHOUT A GODDAMN BURQA!Copy !req
246. - THERE'S NO WAY
I'M LETTING YOU RUN UNOPPOSED.Copy !req
247. - WELL, WHO'S GOING
TO CHALLENGE ME?Copy !req
248. - I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE
MY CANDIDACY FOR GOVERNOR!Copy !req
249. - WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE
LEAVE OUR FAMILY ALONE?Copy !req
250. - CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?Copy !req
251. I'M TRYING TO
PICK OUT A 90-INCH TVCopy !req
252. FOR THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION.Copy !req
253. - WHOA, MALLOY.Copy !req
254. DO YOU REALLY THINK
YOU'RE GOING TO LIVECopy !req
255. IN THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION
WITH ME, DO YOU?Copy !req
256. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?Copy !req
257. - I'M SORRY, LITTLE BUDDY,Copy !req
258. BUT GOVERNORS
DON'T LIVE WITH BEARS.Copy !req
259. - YOU BACKSTABBING TURNCOAT.
I MADE YOU.Copy !req
260. - MALLOY, WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO KEEP OUR RELATIONSHIPCopy !req
261. ON THE DOWN-LOW, THAT'S ALL.Copy !req
262. EVERYBODY ALREADY THINKS
IT'S WEIRD.Copy !req
263. - WEIRD?
LINCOLN SUCKED OFF A KANGAROO.Copy !req
264. READ A HISTORY BOOK.Copy !req
265. - AND SO,
IF YOU WANT A STATECopy !req
266. WHERE ALL RACES LIVE IN PEACE
AND HARMONY WITHOUT WAR,Copy !req
267. RICH PEOPLE, OR RED MEAT,Copy !req
268. AND THE ONLY VIOLENT ACTS
COMMITTEDCopy !req
269. ARE AGAINST UNBORN BABIES,Copy !req
270. YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR ME.
- THAT'S GREAT, ETHEL.Copy !req
271. - CONNIE, COME ON, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO PRETEND TO BE WOODY.Copy !req
272. - OH, SORRY, THAT'S RIGHT.Copy !req
273. AAARGH! I'M WOODY!Copy !req
274. CONNIE, YOU STUPID!Copy !req
275. GO GET RID
OF THAT MILITIA!Copy !req
276. NO, WOODY. THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.Copy !req
277. SHUT THE HELL UP, CONNIE!Copy !req
278. EVERYBODY HATES YOU!Copy !req
279. - ALL THAT RUNNING AND CRYING,
YOU'D THINK SHE'D BE THINNER.Copy !req
280. ETHEL!
HOW ARE YOU?Copy !req
281. - WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- JUST THINKING.Copy !req
282. I COULD SEE US ACTUALLY
BECOMING PRETTY GOOD FRIENDS,Copy !req
283. YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU'RE GOVERNORCopy !req
284. AND WE'RE BOTH LIVING
AT THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION.Copy !req
285. - YOU WANT TO MOVE INTO
THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION WITH ME?Copy !req
286. - THINK OF ALL THE LATE NIGHTS
WE'D SPEND IN OUR PJs,Copy !req
287. BINGING ON HAAGEN-DAZS,Copy !req
288. RUBBING OUR BEAVS
TO RYAN GOSLING.Copy !req
289. - YOU DO REALIZE
THAT THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAYCopy !req
290. I'D EVER
LIVE WITH YOU, EVER.Copy !req
291. YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO RUIN
MY LIFE EVER SINCE I GOT HERE.Copy !req
292. - GIRL, YOU SO CRAZY.
IT WAS ALL IN FUN.Copy !req
293. - THE ANSWER IS "HELL, NO."Copy !req
294. - THE STREETS WILL RUN RED
WITH YOUR BLOOD.Copy !req
295. - SO, WHEN THEY SAID PLUTO
WAS NO LONGER A PLANET,Copy !req
296. WELL, THAT REALLY
TICKED ME OFF!Copy !req
297. AM I CRAZY?Copy !req
298. NOT FROM WHERE I'M SITTING.Copy !req
299. - YOU KNOW WHO ELSE LIKES PLUTO?
MY SISTER.Copy !req
300. GUESS WHAT, BIG BROTHER.Copy !req
301. WHAT, LITTLE SISTER?Copy !req
302. PLUTO'S NOT EVENCopy !req
303. A PLANET ANYMORE.Copy !req
304. SHUT YOUR LYING MOUTH,Copy !req
305. YOU BITCH!Copy !req
306. SORRY.
SIBLING RIVALRY.Copy !req
307. OH!Copy !req
308. SHE—SHE SEEMS NICE.Copy !req
309. GOD DAMN IT!Copy !req
310. - WOW, YOU GUYS.Copy !req
311. WHAT A GREAT
MILITIA MEETING, RIGHT?Copy !req
312. LOOK AT ALL THESE NEW MEMBERS.
- YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
313. SHUT YOUR FACE AND PASS
THE MILITIA MAC AND CHEESE.Copy !req
314. - WHO THE HELL
INVITED THIS GUY?Copy !req
315. WE ARE DEFINITELY
ANTI—ANTI—UH—Copy !req
316. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU,
ANYWAY?Copy !req
317. - I HAVE NO IDEA!Copy !req
318. - THIS IS AWESOME, BOBBY.Copy !req
319. OUR MEMBERSHIP
IS AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH.Copy !req
320. - AND ISN'T HAVING
A MULTICULTURAL MILITIACopy !req
321. SO MUCH NICER?Copy !req
322. - YEAH, I GUESS SO,Copy !req
323. BUT DON'T MILITIAS NEED TO
MAKE SOME SORT OF STATEMENT?Copy !req
324. - YES, YOU DO.Copy !req
325. FIRST OF ALL,
MILITIAS DON'T HAVE PICNICS.Copy !req
326. - WELL, WHAT DO MILITIAS DO?Copy !req
327. - VIOLENT ACTS.Copy !req
328. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?Copy !req
329. YOU GUYS LOOK MORE LIKE
THE ELLIS ISLAND BOOK CLUB.Copy !req
330. - MALLOY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
331. - QUIET, MILITIA ETHERIDGE.Copy !req
332. LET THE TALKING BEAR
FINISH TALKING.Copy !req
333. - IF YOU WANT TO BE
A REAL MILITIA,Copy !req
334. YOU NEED TO STAND UP
AND DO SOMETHING BIG,Copy !req
335. SOMETHING DESTRUCTIVE,Copy !req
336. SOMETHING THAT PUTS YOU
IN THE HISTORY BOOKS.Copy !req
337. - LIKE THAT GUY WHO INVENTED
THE DOUBLE-DONGED DILDO!Copy !req
338. - CAN HE NOT TALK?Copy !req
339. IT'S TIME TO MAKE A STATEMENT
THE WORLD WILL HEAR!Copy !req
340. - HELL, YEAH! COUNT US IN!
- YES!Copy !req
341. IT'S TIME WE STARTED ACTING
LIKE A REAL MILITIA!Copy !req
342. - OUR CHILDREN'S
TEST SCORESCopy !req
343. HAVE BEEN DROPPING
AT AN ALARMING RATE.Copy !req
344. WHAT IS YOUR PLAN, MR. JOHNSON?
- LISTEN, CHUCKLES.Copy !req
345. I'LL BE ASKING
THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE.Copy !req
346. - UH, NO, YOU WON'T.
HE'S THE MODERATOR.Copy !req
347. - NOT ANYMORE.
I'M THE MODERATOR NOW.Copy !req
348. - LET'S JUST TAKE
SOME QUESTIONSCopy !req
349. FROM THE AUDIENCE.Copy !req
350. - I'LL ALLOW IT.Copy !req
351. - HELLO, EVERYBODY.Copy !req
352. I'M THE LEADER OF THE
ELLIS ISLAND BOOK CLUB MILITIA,Copy !req
353. AND WE HAVE DECIDED
TO ASSASSINATE THE NEW GOVERNOR.Copy !req
354. SO, WHICHEVER ONE
OF Y'ALL WINS, YOU'RE DEAD!Copy !req
355. Y'ALL HAVE A NICE DAY.Copy !req
356. - LISTEN HERE.
I DON'T RESPOND TO THREATS.Copy !req
357. ALL MY LIFE, I'VE BEEN TOLD
THAT BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN,Copy !req
358. I SHOULD GIVE UP.Copy !req
359. WELL GUESS WHAT!
I'M...Copy !req
360. DROPPING OUT OF THE RACE
FOR GOVERNOR IMMEDIATELY.Copy !req
361. - NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M DROPPING OUT OF THE RACE.Copy !req
362. - NO, YOU'RE NOT!
I DROPPED OUT FIRST.Copy !req
363. - I'M MUCH MORE QUALIFIED TO
DROP OUT OF THIS RACE THAN YOU!Copy !req
364. - YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT
I CAN'T DROP OUT OF THIS RACE.Copy !req
365. - WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE
CALL ME AN AMBULANCE?Copy !req
366. - JESUS! THIS GUY ASKS
A LOT OF QUESTIONS!Copy !req
367. - UH, MALLOY?
- YES, CONNIE?Copy !req
368. - I'M REALLY HAPPY YOU JOINED
OUR MILITIA AND EVERYTHING,Copy !req
369. BUT, UH, I'M NOT SO SURE
ABOUT YOUR IDEACopy !req
370. TO VIOLENTLY ASSASSINATE
THE GOVERNOR.Copy !req
371. - RELAX, CONNIE.
NO ONE'S GONNA GET HURT.Copy !req
372. - REALLY?
- REALLY.Copy !req
373. I JUST WANT TO SCARE THEM
INTO DROPPING OUT OF THE RACE.Copy !req
374. IF I CAN'T LIVE
IN THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION,Copy !req
375. NEITHER CAN THEY.Copy !req
376. TRUST ME.
NO ONE'S GONNA DIE TODAY.Copy !req
377. - SOMEONE'S DEFINITELY
GOING TO DIE TODAY,Copy !req
378. AS WOODY JOHNSON
AND ETHEL ANDERSON'S NAMESCopy !req
379. WILL REMAIN ON THE BALLOT
WHETHER THEY DROP OUT OR NOT,Copy !req
380. WHICH MEANS ONE OF THEM
WILL BE ELECTED GOVERNORCopy !req
381. AND SWIFTLY ASSASSINATED.Copy !req
382. - AIN'T I A STINKER?Copy !req
383. - HI, I'M ETHEL ANDERSON,Copy !req
384. AND THERE'S NO WAY THAT
I SHOULD BE ELECTED GOVERNOR.Copy !req
385. WHY, YOU SAY?Copy !req
386. BECAUSE I'M A RAGING,
UNREPENTANT ALCOHOLIC,Copy !req
387. AND I BELIEVE THE HOLOCAUST
NEVER HAPPENED,Copy !req
388. BUT I WISH IT DID.Copy !req
389. VOTE WOODY JOHNSON
FOR GOVERNOR.Copy !req
390. - HI, I'M WOODY JOHNSON,Copy !req
391. AND THERE'S NO USE
BEATING AROUND THE BUSH.Copy !req
392. I MOLEST KIDS,
AND I LOVE IT.Copy !req
393. - AND I PROMISE
TO MAKE THIS STATECopy !req
394. A SAFE HAVEN
FOR TERRORISTS.Copy !req
395. - HEY, CAN I JUST SAY,
OUR TROOPS"?Copy !req
396. - LOOK WHERE I CAN STICK
THE STATUE OF LIBERTY!Copy !req
397. - DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ISN'T A PROBLEM.Copy !req
398. IT'S A SOLUTION.Copy !req
399. - AND THE ELECTION RESULTS
ARE IN.Copy !req
400. - IF I WIN,
I AM DROPPING OFF THE GRID.Copy !req
401. I'LL CHANGE MY NAME TO
SOMETHING INCONSPICUOUS, LIKE...Copy !req
402. RICK SWORDFIRE.Copy !req
403. - YEAH, GOOD THINKING.Copy !req
404. - THE WINNER
AND THE NEW STATE GOVERNOR IS...Copy !req
405. WOODY JOHNSON...Copy !req
406. - WHAT?
- WHOO-HOO!Copy !req
407. IN YOUR FACE, DEAD MAN!Copy !req
408. - BY THE REMARKABLY LOW COUNT
OF TWO VOTES TO NONE.Copy !req
409. - WAIT.
YOU VOTED FOR YOURSELF?Copy !req
410. - WELL, I WASN'T GONNA VOTE
FOR A GODDAMN WOMAN.Copy !req
411. - HELLO, MR. GOVERNOR.Copy !req
412. YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG GUY.Copy !req
413. MY NAME IS RICK SWORDFIRE.Copy !req
414. - I KNEW RICK SWORDFIRE,Copy !req
415. AND YOU, SIR,
ARE NO RICK SWORDFIRE!Copy !req
416. - OHH...
ET TU, MALLOY?Copy !req
417. - HEY, YOU WOULDN'T LET ME LIVE
IN THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION.Copy !req
418. - OKAY! YOU CAN LIVE
IN THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION!Copy !req
419. YOU CAN HAVE
THE MASTER BEDROOM!Copy !req
420. I'LL SLEEP IN THE SHITTER!Copy !req
421. I DON'T CARE!
JUST TALK THEM DOWN!Copy !req
422. - REALLY?
OKAY, GUYS, GREAT NEWS.Copy !req
423. PUT DOWN YOUR GUNS.Copy !req
424. THE ASSASSINATION
IS A NO-GO.Copy !req
425. - OH, HELL, NO!Copy !req
426. YOU CAN'T GET A MILITIA
ALL HOT AND BOTHEREDCopy !req
427. AND LEAVE 'EM HANGING
LIKE THAT.Copy !req
428. IT'S TIME TO BUST
A NUT IN HIS ASS!Copy !req
429. UH, I MEAN CAP.Copy !req
430. - WE CAN DO BOTH!
- STOP!Copy !req
431. - ETHEL? WHAT ARE—
- SHUT UP, WOODY.Copy !req
432. LET A WOMAN TALK SOME SENSE
INTO THESE IDIOTS.Copy !req
433. - OUT OF THE WAY, TWO TITS!
WE HAVE A MESSAGE TO SEND!Copy !req
434. - WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE
COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT TO SENDCopy !req
435. BY KILLING THIS
PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT?Copy !req
436. - WE'RE GONNA KILL HIMCopy !req
437. BECAUSE HE
REPRESENTS A GOVERNMENTCopy !req
438. CONTROLLED
BY THE ZIONIST JEW THREAT!Copy !req
439. - UH, BOBBY, WE'RE OKAY
WITH JEW PEOPLE NOW.Copy !req
440. CHAIM GOT US THESE UNIFORMS
FROM HIS GARMENT FACTORY.Copy !req
441. - FINE, WHAT I MEANT
TO SAY WAS, WE GONNA KILL HIMCopy !req
442. 'CAUSE HE WANTS
TO FLOOD OUR SHORESCopy !req
443. WITH DIRTY IMMIGRANTS.Copy !req
444. - PSST, IMMIGRANTS
ARE GOOD, REMEMBER?Copy !req
445. PROFESSOR CHIN
DID ALL OUR LAUNDRY,Copy !req
446. AND DR. PATEL DROVE US HERE
IN HIS CAB.Copy !req
447. - AW, SHIT, ARE WE
ANTI-ANYTHING ANYMORE?Copy !req
448. - I KNOW WHAT WE ARE!Copy !req
449. WE'RE ANTI-WHITE
GARBAGE TRASH MAN!Copy !req
450. - OH!Copy !req
451. - GUYS! STOP!
I GOT AN IDEA.Copy !req
452. HOW ABOUT IF WE MAKE
OUR MILITIACopy !req
453. ALL ABOUT BEING
ANTI-VIOLENCE?Copy !req
454. - SCREW IT.Copy !req
455. - YOU THINK
WE CAN JUST LEAVE?Copy !req
456. - I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.Copy !req
457. ETHEL, YOU SAVED MY LIFE.Copy !req
458. YOU'VE PROVED TO ME THAT WOMEN
ARE CAPABLE OF GREAT THINGS.Copy !req
459. I WAS WRONG.
I'M SORRY.Copy !req
460. - YOUR FIRST FEMALE APOLOGY.
WOW.Copy !req
461. - I DID ACT LIKE
A MISOGYNIST ASSHOLE,Copy !req
462. YET YOU STILL SAVED ME.
WHY?Copy !req
463. - BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH
WE MAY BE DIFFERENT GENDERS,Copy !req
464. DEEP DOWN INSIDE,
WE'RE BOTH RED-BLOODED—Copy !req
465. - WHITE PEOPLE.
HIGH FIVE!Copy !req
466. - NO, ACTUALLY,
I WAS GOING TO SAY—Copy !req
467. - SHH-SHH.
WE'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT.Copy !req
468. I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCECopy !req
469. THAT MY FIRST ACT
AS YOUR GOVERNORCopy !req
470. IS TO REMOVE THE HIGHWAYCopy !req
471. RUNNING THROUGH
BRICKLEBERRY PARK.Copy !req
472. THE WRECKING CREW IS
ALREADY ON ITS WAY.Copy !req
473. - AH, WELL, PHIL,
YOUR FAMILY IS GREAT COMPANY,Copy !req
474. BUT WE'VE BEEN PLAYING
FOR SIX STRAIGHT DAYS.Copy !req
475. - OH, WE'RE JUST
GETTING STARTED.Copy !req
476. UH-OH. YOU FORGOT TO SAY,
"UNO"!Copy !req
477. - OH, A HELICOPTER!
THANK GOD! I'M SAVED!Copy !req
478. AAH!Copy !req
479. - UNO!Copy !req
480. - AND WITH THAT DONE,
I'M STEPPING DOWN AS GOVERNOR.Copy !req
481. AS A THANK-YOU
TO MY FRIEND ETHEL,Copy !req
482. MY LAST ACT IS TO PARDON
GOVERNOR MELCHERCopy !req
483. FOR HER HAVING SEX
ON TAPE WITH A BLACK GUYCopy !req
484. AND HAND THE JOB
BACK TO HER.Copy !req
485. - THANK YOU, WOODY!
- IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK.Copy !req
486. - SHE GOVERNOR AGAIN?Copy !req
487. YOU MADE ME ROB
THE CRADLE FOR NOTHING?Copy !req
488. - WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU WERE BEHIND THAT SEX TAPE?Copy !req
489. WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE, RIGHT?Copy !req
490. "THE WOODY JOHNSON PRISONCopy !req
491. FOR CRIMINALLY INSANE
MAN-RAPISTS"?Copy !req
492. UH-OH.Copy !req
493. - AAH!Copy !req