1. - YOU KNOW
WHAT I JUST NOTICED?Copy !req
2. CONNIE'S KNEES
LOOK MORE LIKE BALLSCopy !req
3. THAN MY BALLS
LOOK LIKE BALLS.Copy !req
4. - OH, MY GOD, THEY DO.Copy !req
5. - MAN, I'M STARVING.Copy !req
6. BEING THE BEST
PARK RANGER ON EARTHCopy !req
7. CAN REALLY WORK UP
AN APPETITE.Copy !req
8. OH, NO!Copy !req
9. MY LEFTOVER CHINESE FOOD!
IT'S GONE!Copy !req
10. - STEVE, IF I'DA KNOWN,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE—Copy !req
11. - AND LOOK AT THAT!Copy !req
12. SOMEONE DREW A MUSTACHECopy !req
13. ON MY RANGER OF THE MONTH
PICTURE!Copy !req
14. DON'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?Copy !req
15. THERE'S ONLY ONE EXPLANATION!
IT'S THE GHOST!Copy !req
16. - YEAH, UH, A GHOST
ATE YOUR CHINESE FOOD.Copy !req
17. - AND DREW A MUSTACHE
ON YOUR PICTURE.Copy !req
18. - AND, UH, GOT DRUNK AND TOOK
A SHIT ON YOUR TOOTHBRUSH.Copy !req
19. UH, I MEAN,
UH, WHAT GHOST?Copy !req
20. - I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUTCopy !req
21. THE GHOST THAT RUINED
MY CHILDHOOD?Copy !req
22. IT ALL STARTED 25 YEARS AGO.Copy !req
23. I GOT UP ON CHRISTMAS MORNING,
AND THERE WERE NO PRESENTS.Copy !req
24. MY DAD SAID
THE GHOST STOLE THEM.Copy !req
25. THEN THE GHOST GAMBLED AWAY
MY COLLEGE FUND,Copy !req
26. BACKED OVER MY DOG,Copy !req
27. AND GAVE MY MOM TWO BLACK EYES
ON HER BIRTHDAY.Copy !req
28. - THE GHOST
DID ALL THAT, HUH?Copy !req
29. - YEAH,
AND NOW HE'S BACK.Copy !req
30. BUT THIS TIME,
I'M GONNA GET MY REVENGECopy !req
31. AND KILL THAT DEAD
SON OF A BITCH!Copy !req
32. - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I DON'T WANT TO HEARCopy !req
33. ANOTHER WORD
ABOUT THAT GHOST!Copy !req
34. - WOODY USED TO BE
A '70s PORN STARCopy !req
35. NAMED REX ERECTION.Copy !req
36. - TELL ME MORE ABOUT
THAT GHOST, STEVE.Copy !req
37. - AH-AH-AAH!Copy !req
38. - I WAS LOOKING THROUGH
THIS PORN SITECopy !req
39. CALLED
BIGBLACKFURBURGER.COM.Copy !req
40. WHAT? I LIKE FULL BUSH.
I'M A BEAR.Copy !req
41. ANYWAY, I FOUND THIS.Copy !req
42. - JUST A MINUTE.Copy !req
43. - TRICK OR TREAT.Copy !req
44. - AND WHAT ARE YOU
SUPPOSED TO BE?Copy !req
45. - I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
YOU.Copy !req
46. - THAT'S WOODY?
- CAN'T BE!Copy !req
47. - IF I WASN'T GAY,
I AM NOW.Copy !req
48. - EW! THERE'S NO WAY
THAT'S HIM.Copy !req
49. - OKAY, BABY, IT'S TIME
TO BUST ASS!Copy !req
50. OKAY, RANGERS,
IT'S TIME TO BUST ASS!Copy !req
51. - WELL, THAT DRIED ME UP.Copy !req
52. - WOODY, WHAT'D YOU
DO FOR A LIVINGCopy !req
53. BEFORE YOU WORKED
AT BRICKLEBERRY?Copy !req
54. - OH, I HAD MY FINGERS
IN THIS AND THAT.Copy !req
55. - BY THIS AND THAT,
I'M ASSUMING YOU MEANTCopy !req
56. VAGINAS AND BUTTHOLES?Copy !req
57. WELL, I KNEW
THIS DAY WOULD COME.Copy !req
58. BACK IN THE '70s,
I MADE A LIVINGCopy !req
59. AS A PORNOGRAPHIC ACTOR
NAMED REX ERECTION.Copy !req
60. - WOODY JOHNSON WASN'T A GOOD
ENOUGH PORN NAME FOR YOU?Copy !req
61. - HUH?
I DON'T GET IT.Copy !req
62. ANYHOW, PORN WAS JUST
ONE OF THOSE JOBSCopy !req
63. YOU STUMBLE INTO
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNGCopy !req
64. AND NEW TO THE BIG CITY,Copy !req
65. AND YOU'VE GOT
A DISHONEST PINOCCHIO NOSECopy !req
66. FOR A DICK!Copy !req
67. - YEAH, WE NOTICED.Copy !req
68. - OH, NO! IT'S MY HUSBAND
AND HIS BROTHER!Copy !req
69. THEY JUST FINISHED
PLAYING 18 HOLES.Copy !req
70. - I GOT TWO MORE HOLES
YOU GUYS CAN PLAY.Copy !req
71. - GAY PORN TOO?
SO YOU'RE GAY?Copy !req
72. - EW! HELL NO!
I DIDN'T ENJOY IT!Copy !req
73. IT'S CALLED ACTING.Copy !req
74. - BUT THERE'S ONE
UNANSWERED QUESTION.Copy !req
75. WHY WERE THOSE TWO MEN
PLAYING GOLFCopy !req
76. AT NIGHT ON HALLOWEEN?Copy !req
77. - CONNIE, I OUGHT
TO WHUP YOUR ASS.Copy !req
78. WOODY, WHY'D YOU QUIT?Copy !req
79. - QUIT? NO.
IT WASN'T MY CHOICE.Copy !req
80. I WAS
A PORNOGRAPHIC PIONEER.Copy !req
81. THE WORLD WAS AT MY FEET.Copy !req
82. I EVEN INVENTED
MY OWN SIGNATURE MOVE—Copy !req
83. THE REX ROCKET!Copy !req
84. - OH, MY GOD!
THAT WAS AMAZING!Copy !req
85. - I HAD LEGIONS OF FANS
WHO ADORED ME.Copy !req
86. - COULD YOU MAKE IT OUT
TO DUKE?Copy !req
87. YOU'RE MY HERO, REX.Copy !req
88. I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU
WHEN I GROW UP.Copy !req
89. - WHAT ARE YOU, SEVEN?
- I'M ONLY SIX.Copy !req
90. - SIX INCHES?
NOT ENOUGH CABLE, SON.Copy !req
91. YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT
IN PORN.Copy !req
92. STAY IN SCHOOL.
- OHH.Copy !req
93. - OH, I WAS ON TOP
OF THE WORLD,Copy !req
94. BUT I FLEW TOO CLOSE
TO THE SUN.Copy !req
95. I BURNED OUT.Copy !req
96. COULDN'T DO WHAT I, UH,
NEEDED TO DO.Copy !req
97. OH, BOY.Copy !req
98. I'M—I'M REALLY EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THIS, FOLKS.Copy !req
99. WELL, ONE MINUTE.
OH, BROTHER.Copy !req
100. I'M THINKING OF EVERYTHING.
SORRY, GUYS.Copy !req
101. I KNOW THIS SEEMS
UNPROFESSIONAL,Copy !req
102. BUT MAYBE YOU GUYS
CAN HIT CRAFT SERVICE.Copy !req
103. OH, OH,
STARTING TO GET A TINGLE.Copy !req
104. NO! SHIT! IT'S GONE!
COME ON, COME ON!Copy !req
105. MY PRESENCE IN PORN FILMSCopy !req
106. WAS REDUCED TO NON-SEXUAL
CHARACTER ROLES,Copy !req
107. LIKE THE POOL BOY'S BOSSCopy !req
108. AND ONE OF THE STUDENTS
NOT KEPT AFTER CLASS.Copy !req
109. IT FLUNG ME INTO
A DEEP DEPRESSION.Copy !req
110. HUH?Copy !req
111. WHAT ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE
DOING IN MY BATHROOM?Copy !req
112. FORTUNATELY, UNCLE SAM
STRAIGHTENED ME OUT.Copy !req
113. THEN I TOOK THIS JOB
AT BRICKLEBERRYCopy !req
114. AND FOUND MY TRUE CALLING,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?Copy !req
115. WHERE THE HELL
IS EVERYBODY?Copy !req
116. YOU SEE, MALLOY,Copy !req
117. WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN
REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER,Copy !req
118. OR THEY'RE BEING PAID
AND THERE'S A CAMERA THERE,Copy !req
119. THEY HAVE WHAT ARE CALLED...Copy !req
120. RELATIONS.Copy !req
121. SOMETIMES THAT WOMAN
CAN BE A MANCopy !req
122. OR A GANG OF MEN
OR A SHETLAND PONY.Copy !req
123. YOU FOLLOWING ME?
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
124. YOU HAD SEX WITH A HORSE.Copy !req
125. WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME
YOU WERE IN PORN?Copy !req
126. I HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED
OF GETTING INTO PORN.Copy !req
127. - YOU WANT TO BE
A PORN ACTOR?Copy !req
128. - HELL NO,
THEY'RE DISGUSTING.Copy !req
129. I WANT TO DIRECT,Copy !req
130. LIKE THE GREAT STORYTELLERS
FROM THE GOLDEN AGE OF PORN,Copy !req
131. BACK WHEN THERE WAS AN ART
TO EXPLOITING PEOPLECopy !req
132. AND RUINING THEIR LIVES.Copy !req
133. HEY, THAT REMINDS ME.
PORN CON IS THIS WEEK.Copy !req
134. WE HAVE TO GO.Copy !req
135. YOU ARE A GOD TO TONS OF SAD,
LONELY, PATHETIC PEOPLE.Copy !req
136. - OH, SORRY, FUZZYWUBS.Copy !req
137. I HAVE MADE
MY PEACE WITH PORN,Copy !req
138. AND I'M NEVER GOING BACK
TO THAT DARK PLACE.Copy !req
139. - WHAT ABOUT FOR 100 BUCKS
AN AUTOGRAPH?Copy !req
140. - HELLO, DARK PLACE!Copy !req
141. - HEY—HEY, GUYS!
- BREAK'S OVER.Copy !req
142. - WAIT! IT'S HERE!
- WHAT'S HERE?Copy !req
143. - MY GHOST-HUNTING EQUIPMENT!
- MAN, THAT'S JUST A BAT!Copy !req
144. - NO, IT'S A GHOST BAT.Copy !req
145. YOU CAN'T HIT A GHOST
WITH A REGULAR BAT.Copy !req
146. IT'D GO RIGHT THROUGH THEM.Copy !req
147. GHOST TAPE RECORDER,
GHOST GLASSES, GHOST-A-METER.Copy !req
148. - THAT'S A RECTAL THERMOMETER
DUCT-TAPED TO A TENNIS RACQUET.Copy !req
149. STEVE, HOW MUCH DID YOU
SPEND ON ALL THIS CRAP?Copy !req
150. - $800.
- WHAT?Copy !req
151. - SMALL PRICE TO PAY
FOR REVENGE, AM I RIGHT?Copy !req
152. - YEAH, UH,
STEVE, THAT REMINDS ME.Copy !req
153. I HAVE THIS GHOST MOP
I WANT TO SELL YOU.Copy !req
154. - NO, THANKS.
ALREADY HAVE ONE.Copy !req
155. - WELL, THIS SUCKS,
MALLOY.Copy !req
156. I CAN'T BELIEVE NO ONE
WANTS TO MEET ME.Copy !req
157. THERE'S EVEN A LINE
TO SEE THE FATTIESCopy !req
158. FROM
FILIPINO FOOT FETISH 5!Copy !req
159. - THAT WAS A SURPRISINGLY
SOLID FILM, DESPITE THE FACTCopy !req
160. THAT YOU DIDN'T REALIZE
IT WAS A PREQUEL TILL THE END.Copy !req
161. - I'M A JOKE.Copy !req
162. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
TALKED ME INTO COMING HERE.Copy !req
163. MY LEGACY IS DEAD.
- CHEER UP, WOODY.Copy !req
164. THESE PORN NERDS
ARE JUST CHEAP.Copy !req
165. AUTOGRAPHS NOW
ONLY $10.Copy !req
166. $1.00 AUTOGRAPHS.Copy !req
167. OKAY, NO ONE LOVES YOU.
- JESUS DOES!Copy !req
168. - NOT AFTER HE SAWCopy !req
169. EASTER DAY.Copy !req
170. - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS MY PLEASURECopy !req
171. TO INTRODUCE THE BIGGEST
PORN STAR IN THE WORLD,Copy !req
172. THE GOD OF ROD,
THE MASTER ASS BLASTER,Copy !req
173. THE SHOO-IN FOR THIS YEAR'S
BONEY AWARD,Copy !req
174. DUKE DICK!Copy !req
175. - HEY, THOSE ARE MY MOVES!Copy !req
176. THAT'S MY NAVAJO CHAP SLAP
AND MY INVERTED CLAM!Copy !req
177. AND THAT'S MY MR. BELVEDERE!Copy !req
178. - YO! DUKE DICK
IN THE HIT ZONE!Copy !req
179. WHAT TIME IS IT?
- IT'S TIME TO BUST ASS!Copy !req
180. - AND THAT'S
MY CATCHPHRASE!Copy !req
181. - NOW, WHO WANTS TO SEE DUKE
DO HIS FAMOUS MOVE?Copy !req
182. THE DUKE ROCKET!Copy !req
183. - STOP RIGHT THERE!Copy !req
184. - SOMEONE GET
THIS QUEEN OFFSTAGECopy !req
185. BEFORE THE DUKE
GETS FILLED WITH RAGE!Copy !req
186. - YOU STOLE ALL OF MY MOVES,
ASSHOLE!Copy !req
187. - ASSHOLE? MY ASSHOLE HAS WON
FIVE BONEY AWARDS!Copy !req
188. SHOW SOME RESPECT, SON!Copy !req
189. - OH, I AIN'T YOUR SON,
HOMBRE.Copy !req
190. I'M REX ERECTION!Copy !req
191. - REX ERECTION
WAS MY HEROCopy !req
192. UNTIL HE TOLD ME
I'D NEVER MAKE IT.Copy !req
193. - WHAT THE—Copy !req
194. "DEAR DUKE,
YOU GOT A SMALL TOOL.Copy !req
195. STAY IN SCHOOL.
REX."Copy !req
196. - WELL, I SHOWED YOU.Copy !req
197. NOW I'M ON TOP, AND YOU'RE
ALL WASHED UP, OLD MAN.Copy !req
198. - NOT FOR LONG, 'CAUSE YOU
KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?Copy !req
199. - I DON'T KNOW.
SKYPE WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS?Copy !req
200. - NO, I'M GONNA
COME OUT OF RETIREMENT,Copy !req
201. I'M GONNA MAKE MY OWN MOVIE,
I'M GONNA WIN THAT BONEY,Copy !req
202. AND THEN I'M GONNA SHOVE IT UP
YOUR AWARD-WINNING ASSHOLE!Copy !req
203. - YEAH, RIGHT.Copy !req
204. WHAT DIRECTOR WOULD TOUCH
YOUR WASHED-UP WHITE ASS?Copy !req
205. - I WILL.Copy !req
206. - DUDE, A HAIRY
LITTLE WOODLAND CREATURECopy !req
207. CAN'T DIRECT A MOVIE.Copy !req
208. - UH, WHAT ABOUT
PETER JACKSON?Copy !req
209. - OKAY,
I STAND CORRECTED.Copy !req
210. - ALL RIGHT, MALLOY,
I SNORTED FOUR LINES OF LEVITRA.Copy !req
211. THERE'S SOUP IN THE MUSHROOM!
LET'S SHOOT THIS THING!Copy !req
212. - PUT A PIN IN THAT BONER.
I'M STILL AUDITIONING ACTRESSES.Copy !req
213. CONNIE, BRING THEM IN!Copy !req
214. TOO FAT, TRUCKER ARMS,
FLAT ASS. THAT'S A MOOSE.Copy !req
215. CHRIST! CONNIE!Copy !req
216. BRING ME SOME REAL WOMEN
WITH NO SELF-ESTEEM.Copy !req
217. - SORRY, MALLOY,
I'M JUST REALLY TIRED.Copy !req
218. - I'M REALLY TIRED TOO—Copy !req
219. OF HAVING A WHEEZING
ELEPHANT SEAL FOR AN ASSISTANT.Copy !req
220. - I NEVER ACTUALLY ASKED
TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT.Copy !req
221. - CONNIE, DON'T EVER
BACKTALK ME.Copy !req
222. - I'M SO SORRY.
- OH, GOD. WHAT IS THIS NOW?Copy !req
223. - DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW DEMEANING THIS IS TO WOMEN?Copy !req
224. - YES. AND, NO,
YOU CANNOT BE IN IT.Copy !req
225. - I WOULD NEVER BE IN
THIS MOVIE.Copy !req
226. WAIT, WHY CAN'T I
BE IN THIS MOVIE?Copy !req
227. YOU DON'T THINK I HAVE
TRUCKER ARMS, DO YOU?Copy !req
228. IT IS MY NOSE?Copy !req
229. ARE MY BOOBS TOO SMALL?Copy !req
230. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GONNA
FALL INTO YOUR LITTLE TRAP.Copy !req
231. YOU PUT ME IN
THIS GODDAMN MOVIE!Copy !req
232. PUT ME IN!Copy !req
233. MALLOY,
PUT ME IN THIS MOVIE!Copy !req
234. - FINE, BUT I'M NOT
GONNA PAY YOU.Copy !req
235. - YES, I'M PRETTY.Copy !req
236. - SO YOU'RE SAYING THE ONLY TIME
THE GHOST DIDN'T BOTHER YOUCopy !req
237. WAS DURING THE FOUR WEEKS
YOUR DADDY WAS IN JAIL?Copy !req
238. - YEAH, I GUESS HE WASCopy !req
239. TOO BUSY FRAMING MY DAD
FOR ALL THOSE DUIs.Copy !req
240. - OOH, YOU ORDERED US
A PIZZA?Copy !req
241. - NO, IT'S A MEDIUM.Copy !req
242. - SO, YOU ORDERED YOURSELF
A PIZZA?Copy !req
243. - NO, I GOT US A MEDIUM.Copy !req
244. - OH, SO WE ONLY GET
THREE SLICES A PIECE?Copy !req
245. YOU AT LEAST GET SOME
BREADSTICKS OR SOME SHIT?Copy !req
246. - NO, DENZEL, A MEDIUM
TO HELP US HUNT DOWN THIS GHOST.Copy !req
247. - HOW'S A PIZZA GONNA
HUNT DOWN A GHOST, STEVE?Copy !req
248. - HI, I'M ST—
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.Copy !req
249. DON'T TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.
I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT YOURSELF.Copy !req
250. YOU LIKE TO EAT CANDY.
- YES!Copy !req
251. - YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
- NO!Copy !req
252. - AND YOU BROUGHT ME HERE
FOR SOME INFORMATION ON...Copy !req
253. SOME SUBJECT.Copy !req
254. - OH, MY GOD, YES!
I'M LOOKING FOR AN EVIL GHOST.Copy !req
255. WHERE DO YOU THINK HE IS?
- UH...Copy !req
256. OOH! THE GRAVEYARD.
- I KNEW IT!Copy !req
257. - STEVE, CAN'T YOU SEE
THIS WOMAN'S PLAYING YOU?Copy !req
258. THIS IS BULLSHIT!
- OH, A NON-BELIEVER.Copy !req
259. LET ME GO CHECK IN
WITH THE OTHER SIDE.Copy !req
260. I'M SENSING...Copy !req
261. YOUR GRANDMOTHER
MISPRONOUNCES WORDSCopy !req
262. LIKE "LIBARY"
AND "BAFROOM."Copy !req
263. - HOLY SHIT!Copy !req
264. CAN I HELP YOU?Copy !req
265. I'M THE CEO
OF THIS SPERM BANK,Copy !req
266. AND WE
ARE VERY BUSY TODAY.Copy !req
267. WELL, YOU'RE GOING TOCopy !req
268. GET EVEN BUSIER
BECAUSE I NEED A LOAN.Copy !req
269. - OOH, I CAN GIVE YOU A LOAN.
A LOAN BONE.Copy !req
270. - CUT!
THE LINE IS "BONE LOAN."Copy !req
271. WHAT THE HELL
IS A "LOAN BONE"?Copy !req
272. - I'M HAVING A REAL PROBLEM
UNDERSTANDING MY CHARACTER.Copy !req
273. - HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX.Copy !req
274. - WELL, WHAT'S HIS MOTIVATION?
- TO HAVE SEX.Copy !req
275. - WELL, DID HE HAVE
A HAPPY CHILDHOOD?Copy !req
276. - JUST TAKE OFF
YOUR CLOTHESCopy !req
277. AND HER
IN HER.Copy !req
278. - WHAT? I COULDN'T HEAR YOU
OVER ALL THE BEEPS.Copy !req
279. - SORRY.Copy !req
280. I WAS MAKING TAQUITOS
IN THE MICROWAVE.Copy !req
281. - CAN SOMEONE
CHECK HIS GREEN CARD?Copy !req
282. AND WHERE THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE GOING?Copy !req
283. - ME? OH, I'M JUST GONNA
GO GRAB LUNCHCopy !req
284. WHILE MY, UH,
BODY DOUBLE STEPS IN.Copy !req
285. WAIT, YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS
GONNA DO A NUDE SCENE, DID YOU?Copy !req
286. - IF I WANTED A SHITTY ACTRESS
WHO WOULDN'T SHOW HER TITS,Copy !req
287. I WOULD HAVE HIRED
KEVIN JAMES.Copy !req
288. - OH, I DON'T HAVE TO
TAKE THIS FROM YOU, MALLOY.Copy !req
289. I QUIT!
- OH, NO!Copy !req
290. HOW WILL I EVER
REPLACE YOU?Copy !req
291. I COULD JUST GLUE TWO ORANGES
TO A MOP.Copy !req
292. YOU'LL REGRET THIS!Copy !req
293. NOBODY WALKS OUT ON ME,
YOU!Copy !req
294. - I'M SORRY.Copy !req
295. THE SHELL IS WARM
AND CRISPY,Copy !req
296. BUT THE TAQUITO
IS STILL COLD ON THE INSIDE.Copy !req
297. - STEVE, YOU LOOK LIKE
A MEXICAN ASTRONAUT.Copy !req
298. - THANK YOU, BUT THIS IS NOT
ABOUT HOW BADASS I LOOK.Copy !req
299. THIS IS ABOUT VENGEANCE.
- OKAY.Copy !req
300. GOOD LUCK
WITH THAT VENGEANCE.Copy !req
301. IF YOU NEED ME,
I'LL BE HOME, SLEEPING.Copy !req
302. BOOOO...Copy !req
303. - AAH! AAH!
AAAAH!Copy !req
304. YOU RUINED MY LIFE,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!Copy !req
305. - STEVE, STEVE, HOLD ON!
I WAS JUST MESSING WITH YOU!Copy !req
306. - YOU MORPHED
INTO DENZEL, HUH?Copy !req
307. YOU SHAPE-SHIFTING GHOST!
- WHOA, STEVE, IT'S ME!Copy !req
308. ASK ME SOMETHING
ONLY I WOULD KNOW.Copy !req
309. - WHAT'S MY LAST NAME?
- I DON'T KNOW.Copy !req
310. - OH, THANK GOD,
IT'S YOU, DENZEL.Copy !req
311. - MAN, THIS IS WORSE
THAN I THOUGHT.Copy !req
312. YOU NEED
SOME THERAPY, STEVE.Copy !req
313. - THE ONLY THERAPY I NEED
IS TO KILL THIS GHOST.Copy !req
314. - STEVE, THERE IS NO—Copy !req
315. GHOST!Copy !req
316. - COULD WE SOFTEN THIS LIGHT
A LITTLE BIT?Copy !req
317. I DON'T NEED OR DESERVE TO SEE
EVERY WRINKLE ON WOODY'S SAC.Copy !req
318. IF THAT BOOM MIC GETS
IN THE SHOT ONE MORE TIME,Copy !req
319. WHOA-HO-HO,
WE'RE GONNA FIND OUTCopy !req
320. WHAT THE INSIDE OF YOUR ASS
SOUNDS LIKE.Copy !req
321. - PROBABLY NOT GOOD.Copy !req
322. HE ATE A WHOLE PLATE
OF TAQUITOS.Copy !req
323. - HOW DID YOU GET BACK
INTO THE COUNTRY?Copy !req
324. OKAY, ACTION!Copy !req
325. - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?Copy !req
326. - I DID A BUNCH OF COKECopy !req
327. AND REWROTE THE WHOLE SCRIPT
LAST NIGHT.Copy !req
328. JUST READ THE CUE CARDS.Copy !req
329. ANY LAST REQUESTS,Copy !req
330. OSAMA BIN LADEN?Copy !req
331. - YES, INFIDELS, I WANT YOU
TO RUN A TRAIN ON MECopy !req
332. WITH YOUR SEAL-TEAM DICKS
OR I'LL 69/11 YOU!Copy !req
333. WHAT?
THIS IS BULLSHIT, MALLOY!Copy !req
334. PEOPLE JUST WANT TO SEE
THE REX ROCKET!Copy !req
335. - YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT WAS GARBAGE.Copy !req
336. I'M GONNA REWRITE
THE WHOLE SCRIPT...Copy !req
337. RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
338. BEEP-BOOP, BEEP-BOOP, BEEP.Copy !req
339. YOU ORDERED A PIZZA
FROM THE FUTURE?Copy !req
340. - CUT!Copy !req
341. WOODY, STOP BREATHING!
ROBOTS DON'T BREATHE.Copy !req
342. - THIS IS THE 100TH TAKE.Copy !req
343. COULD WE STOP FOR A MINUTE?
I'M TIRED.Copy !req
344. - YOU'RE TIRED?Copy !req
345. YOU'VE FLUBBED YOUR LINES
SO MANY TIMESCopy !req
346. THAT CHASTITY HERE
IS STARTING TO QUESTIONCopy !req
347. HER LIFE CHOICES.Copy !req
348. - I THINK I MIGHT WANT
TO GO TO NURSING SCHOOL.Copy !req
349. - I'M PRETTY SURE
THEY DRUG TEST.Copy !req
350. - OH, WELL.
- SERIOUSLY, SOMETHING'S WRONG.Copy !req
351. I AM IN REAL PAIN HERE.
- GREAT! USE IT! ACTION!Copy !req
352. - THAT WAS NOT
IN THE SCRIPT!Copy !req
353. BUT IT IS NOW.Copy !req
354. - YOU'RE A VERY LUCKY MAN,
WOODY.Copy !req
355. EVERYTHING'S
GOING TO BE FINE.Copy !req
356. - GREAT!
SO I CAN PERFORM?Copy !req
357. OF COURSE YOU CAN PERFORM—Copy !req
358. IN STAGE PLAYS,
LIFETIME ORIGINAL MOVIES,Copy !req
359. EVEN BLACKFACE
MINSTREL SHOWS.Copy !req
360. JUST NOT PORNOGRAPHY.Copy !req
361. YOU SEE, WOODY, YOU'RE SUFFERING
FROM A RARE AILMENT—Copy !req
362. MULTIPLE SCROT CYSTS.Copy !req
363. - I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS?
SHIT!Copy !req
364. - OH, HEAVENS NO.
I WISH YOU DID.Copy !req
365. I SAID,
"MULTIPLE SCROT CYSTS,"Copy !req
366. AS IN MULTIPLE CYSTS
IN YOUR SCROTUM.Copy !req
367. EACH CYST IS A LITTLE,
TICKING TIME BOMB.Copy !req
368. EVERY SINGLE BOUNCE
OF YOUR BALL BAGCopy !req
369. BRINGS YOU
CLOSER TO DEATH.Copy !req
370. - LEVEL WITH ME, DOC.Copy !req
371. HOW MANY THRUSTS
DO I HAVE LEFT?Copy !req
372. - I CAN'T GIVE YOU
AN EXACT NUMBER, WOODY,Copy !req
373. BUT IT'S SOMEWHERE BETWEEN,
SAY, 70 AND 72.Copy !req
374. - SO... 71?Copy !req
375. IF ONLY MEDICINE
COULD BE THAT PRECISE.Copy !req
376. AAH! AAH! THE GHOST!
HE'S COMING FOR US.Copy !req
377. - GRAB THE GHOST BATS!
- TAKE THAT, YOU GHOST!Copy !req
378. TAKE THAT!Copy !req
379. - KILL THAT GHOST!
KILL THAT GHOST!Copy !req
380. - HAH!
- AAH!Copy !req
381. - I THINK WE GOT HIM!Copy !req
382. - OH, NO! CONNIE!Copy !req
383. - THE GHOST
MUST HAVE BEAT HER UP!Copy !req
384. - WE BEAT HER UP,
YOU DUMBASS!Copy !req
385. IT WAS CONNIE SLEEPWALKING
THE WHOLE TIME!Copy !req
386. I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS,
STEVE,Copy !req
387. BUT THAT GHOST
WAS JUST YOUR ALCOHOLIC FATHERCopy !req
388. BEATING YOUR MAMA UP
ON HER BIRTHDAY.Copy !req
389. - SORRY,
I WAS ZONING OUT.Copy !req
390. I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING
YOU JUST SAID.Copy !req
391. - STEVE, IT WASN'T A GHOST!Copy !req
392. IT WAS YOUR DAD
THE WHOLE TIME!Copy !req
393. - DAMN IT.
HAPPENED AGAIN.Copy !req
394. I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING
AFTER THE WORD "STEVE."Copy !req
395. - YOU JUST HAD
A SHITTY DAD!Copy !req
396. - SORRY, I WAS
HOLDING IN A FART.Copy !req
397. - I GIVE UP.Copy !req
398. DENZEL, I JUST
REALIZED SOMETHING.Copy !req
399. IT WAS MY DAD
THE WHOLE TIME.Copy !req
400. THERE IS NO GHOST.Copy !req
401. HEY, STEVE,
LONG TIME NO SEE.Copy !req
402. REMEMBER WHEN I STOLE
YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTSCopy !req
403. AND MADE THE BANK
FORECLOSE ON YOUR HOUSE?Copy !req
404. GOOD TIMES.Copy !req
405. HEY, GIVE THIS
TO YOUR MOM FOR ME.Copy !req
406. - I'M SORRY,
SNUGGLEWUBS,Copy !req
407. BUT I JUST CAN'T
DO PORN ANYMORE.Copy !req
408. DOCTOR'S ORDERS.Copy !req
409. IT KILLS ME
MORE THAN ANYONE.Copy !req
410. - YOU REST UP, WOODY.
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.Copy !req
411. BESIDES, I ALREADY
FOUND YOUR REPLACEMENT.Copy !req
412. - YO, YO, YO, DUKE DICK
IN THE FATHER-SUCKIN' HOUSE.Copy !req
413. - OOH, HELL NO!
I AIN'T DONE YET!Copy !req
414. IT'S TIME TO BUST ASS!Copy !req
415. - ACTION!Copy !req
416. - NO! NO, NO, NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!Copy !req
417. NO, NO, NO, NOOO!Copy !req
418. - ALL RIGHT, WOODY,
THIS IS YOUR FINAL SCENE.Copy !req
419. - OH, IT BETTER BE.Copy !req
420. THIS IS THE 93RD REWRITE
OF THIS MOVIE... TODAY!Copy !req
421. - I KNOW YOU'RE TIRED,
BUT NAIL THIS SHOT,Copy !req
422. AND REX ERECTION WILL NEVER
BE FORGOTTEN AGAIN.Copy !req
423. TIME FOR THE REX ROCKET.
YOU READY?Copy !req
424. IT'S TIME TO...Copy !req
425. BUST ASS!Copy !req
426. THE REX ROCKET!Copy !req
427. - OH, MY GOD,
HE'S DEAD AND STILL IN ME!Copy !req
428. GROSS!Copy !req
429. - AND THAT'S HOW YOU DIRECT
A SNUFF FILM. PERFECT!Copy !req
430. - THE WORLD MOURNS TODAYCopy !req
431. AS BELOVED PORNOGRAPHIC
FILM STAR REX ERECTION HAS DIED.Copy !req
432. A TRUE INNOVATOR,Copy !req
433. HE DEVELOPED SPECIALIZED
COITUS PROCEDURESCopy !req
434. LIKE THE CLAM SLAM,
THE DRIPPY PICKLE,Copy !req
435. THE NANCY REAGAN,Copy !req
436. AND HIS SIGNATURE
REX ROCKET.Copy !req
437. ONE THING IS FOR CERTAIN—Copy !req
438. THE LEGACY OF REX ERECTION
WILL LIVE ON FOREVER.Copy !req
439. WE NOW JOIN THE BONEY AWARDS,
ALREADY IN PROGRESS.Copy !req
440. - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,Copy !req
441. HERE ARE THE PORN ACTORS
AND ACTRESSES WE LOST THIS YEAR.Copy !req
442. AND NOW, TO PRESENT THE BONEY
FOR BEST ACTOR,Copy !req
443. PLEASE WELCOME FLESH DEVIL,
THE LEATHER-BOUND MIDGET FREAK,Copy !req
444. AND ACADEMY AWARD WINNER
SUSAN SARANDON.Copy !req
445. - SUSAN, IT IS SAID
THAT A GOOD PORN ACTORCopy !req
446. INVITES THE AUDIENCE
TO COME.Copy !req
447. - YES, FLESH DEVIL,
BUT A GREAT PORN ACTORCopy !req
448. ALSO INVITES THE AUDIENCE
TO FEEL.Copy !req
449. - THE BONEY AWARD
FOR BEST ACTOR GOES TO...Copy !req
450. - REX ERECTION!Copy !req
451. - I'D LIKE TO ACCEPT THIS
ON BEHALF OF REX ERECTION.Copy !req
452. HE WASN'T SEXY OR HANDSOME,
HE WAS A HORRIBLE ACTOR,Copy !req
453. BUT YOU GUYS WILL
JERK OFF TO ANYTHING.Copy !req
454. THANK YOU.Copy !req
455. - THIS IS BULLSHIT!Copy !req
456. EVERYONE KNOWS DUKE
IS THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME!Copy !req
457. - THAT'S NOT THE ONE
I TAKE HOME, IS IT?Copy !req
458. - I CAN'T BELIEVE
WOODY'S GONE.Copy !req
459. - DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT HE LEFT ME IN HIS WILL?Copy !req
460. HIS LOVE.
OH, ISN'T THAT SWEET?Copy !req
461. HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL,
CHEAP OLD MAN.Copy !req
462. - CONNIE,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?Copy !req
463. - STEVE SAID A GHOST GOT ME,
THEN DENZEL SAID THE GHOST LEFTCopy !req
464. AND THERE'S NO USE
INVESTIGATINGCopy !req
465. THE SITUATION ANY FURTHER.Copy !req
466. - HOWDY, RANGERS.
IT'S TIME TO BUST ASS!Copy !req
467. - WHAT THE—Copy !req
468. - I FAKED MY OWN DEATHCopy !req
469. SO REX ERECTION'S LEGACY
COULD LIVE ON FOREVER.Copy !req
470. I WASN'T
ABOUT TO LET DUKE DICKCopy !req
471. STEAL EVERYTHING
I WORKED FOR!Copy !req
472. - BUT THERE WAS A BODY
IN THE CASKET THAT WE BURIED.Copy !req
473. - HUH? OH, YEAH.Copy !req
474. THAT WAS
SOME HOMELESS NAVAJOCopy !req
475. I FOUND PASSED OUT
BEHIND QUIZNOS.Copy !req
476. WHAT?
I GAVE HIM 50 BUCKS.Copy !req
477. - SORRY WE'RE LATE.
GHOST!Copy !req
478. - QUICK!
GRAB THE GHOST BATS!Copy !req
479. - OH!Copy !req