1. - GANDALF.
- ARAGORN!Copy !req
2. - GANDALF!Copy !req
3. - DENZEL,
THERE'S NO WAYCopy !req
4. GANDALF'S DICK WAS BIGGER
THAN ARAGORN'S.Copy !req
5. - WHAT?
NOT ONLY WAS IT BIGGER,Copy !req
6. HE COULD SHOOT FIREBALLS
OFF THAT SHIT.Copy !req
7. LOOK OUT!Copy !req
8. THAT GUY'S BURNING DOWN
A VILLAGE WITH HIS DICK!Copy !req
9. - I KNOW FOR A FACT
THAT VIGGO MORTENSEN'S HUNGCopy !req
10. LIKE AN ELVEN HORSE.Copy !req
11. - WHAT, YOU SEEN IT?Copy !req
12. - NOT IN PERSON.
IT WAS IN A DREAM.Copy !req
13. - OOH, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT'S ONLY
THREE DAYS UNTIL J.R.R. TOL-CON?Copy !req
14. - I CAN'T WAIT
TO GO WITH YOU, DENZEL!Copy !req
15. ♪ OHCopy !req
16. - ♪ OHCopy !req
17. ♪ LORD OF THE RINGS
IS OUR FAVORITE THING ♪Copy !req
18. ♪ LORDS AND ORCS
AND MAGICAL KINGS ♪Copy !req
19. ♪ LOOK AT THAT HUMAN AND ELF
HAVE A FLING ♪Copy !req
20. ♪ GOLLUM IS TRYING TO STEAL
FRODO'S BLING ♪Copy !req
21. - SHUT UP, SHUT UP,
SHUT UP!Copy !req
22. UH, WHAT THE HELL
ARE Y'ALL TALKING ABOUT?Copy !req
23. - LORD OF THE RINGS CONVENTION.Copy !req
24. YOU KNOW, WIZARDS
AND DRAGONS AND STUFF.Copy !req
25. - OH, BEFORE Y'ALL
ARRESTED ME,Copy !req
26. I WAS ON MY WAY TO A CONVENTION
FILLED WITH WIZARDS AND DRAGONS.Copy !req
27. - FOR REAL?
Y'ALL DRESS UP AND STUFF?Copy !req
28. - OH, HELL YEAH,
WE DO.Copy !req
29. - STILL BETTER
THAN COMIC-CON.Copy !req
30. ♪Copy !req
31. - AAH!Copy !req
32. - ♪ BRICKLEBERRYCopy !req
33. - WHAT'S THE MATTER, CONNIE?Copy !req
34. MALLOY REPLACED MY TOILED SEAT
WITH A BEAR TRAP.Copy !req
35. - WHAT?Copy !req
36. WHAT A PRANKSTER.Copy !req
37. - MALLOY'S ALWAYS
BEEN KIND OF AN ASSHOLE,Copy !req
38. BUT IS IT JUST ME, OR IS HE,
LIKE, WAY WORSE RECENTLY?Copy !req
39. - WELL, IF HE IS,
I HAVEN'T NOTICED.Copy !req
40. - AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!Copy !req
41. - AH, GOOD, ANOTHER DOONESBURY
I DON'T GET.Copy !req
42. - WHY IS MALLOY ACTING OUT
ALL OF A SUDDEN?Copy !req
43. - BECAUSE HE'S A WILD ANIMAL,
AND WOODY NEVER DISCIPLINES HIM.Copy !req
44. HE JUST GIVES HIM SUGAR
AND WEAPONS.Copy !req
45. - FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
DR. PHIL,Copy !req
46. I'M A HARSH DISCIPLINARIAN.Copy !req
47. WHY, LAST NIGHT,
MALLOY SAID A DIRTY WORD,Copy !req
48. AND I WASHED HIS MOUTH OUT
WITH A BAR OF CHOCOLATE.Copy !req
49. - STOP IT, PLEASE.
AAH!Copy !req
50. - WOODY!
- FINE.Copy !req
51. MALLOY, STOP TRYING
TO MURDER STEVE, OR ELSE!Copy !req
52. - THIS WILL TEACH YOU
TO RUIN MY FUN.Copy !req
53. - OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY.Copy !req
54. - "WELL," HE SAID,
"I'M BACK."Copy !req
55. THE END.
- GOD DAMN!Copy !req
56. NOW THAT IS HOW YOU CLOSE OUT
AN EPIC FANTASY TRILOGY!Copy !req
57. - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NEVER
READ THESE BEFORE YOU MET ME.Copy !req
58. - THE ONLY THING THAT GETS READ
IN DETROIT IS YOUR RIGHTS.Copy !req
59. STEVE, I'M GLAD YOU OPENED MY
EYES TO THIS FANTASTICAL WORLD.Copy !req
60. IT HELPS ME FORGET THAT I WORK
IN A BORING-ASS PARKCopy !req
61. AND THAT MY BEST FRIEND
IS A NERD WITH A MICRO-PHALLUS.Copy !req
62. - BEST FRIEND?
THANKS, PAL.Copy !req
63. TOL-CON'S GONNA BE AWESOME!Copy !req
64. - OOH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
HERE'S THE BEST PART.Copy !req
65. - THERE'S A COSTUME CONTEST?Copy !req
66. AND THE WINNER
GETS TO MEET V-V-V—Copy !req
67. VIGGO MORTENSEN!Copy !req
68. I'VE GOT THE PERFECT COSTUME!Copy !req
69. THE MYTHICAL SHADOWFAX!Copy !req
70. - THE LORD OF ALL HORSES!Copy !req
71. HEY, WAIT, WHAT THE HELL?Copy !req
72. HEY! OH!
THIS AIN'T RIGHT!Copy !req
73. STOP!
HELP!Copy !req
74. - FROM NOW ON,
YOU GETTING IN THE BACK.Copy !req
75. - WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
- MALLOY DID IT.Copy !req
76. WHERE IS
YOUR LITTLE PRINCE CHARMING?Copy !req
77. - DON'T ASK ME,
I'M GROUNDED.Copy !req
78. - I SAW HIM GO THAT WAY
WITH A FLAMETHROWER.Copy !req
79. - OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE
BOBBING FOR FRENCH FRIES AGAIN.Copy !req
80. - WHERE DID HE GET
A FLAMETHROWER?Copy !req
81. - WHAT?
IT WAS CHRISTMAS.Copy !req
82. - MALLOY IS A TROUBLED YOUTH,
WOODY.Copy !req
83. I SHOULD KNOW.
I USED TO BE ONE.Copy !req
84. SEE, BACK WHEN I WAS A KID
IN DETROIT, I WAS IN A GANG.Copy !req
85. WE CALLED OURSELVES
THE COOL FRIENDS GANG.Copy !req
86. AND WHEN I SAY
WE WERE HARD-CORE,Copy !req
87. I MEAN WE WERE HARD-CORE!Copy !req
88. GET OUTTA THE SLEIGH, BITCH!Copy !req
89. [all grunting, shouting]
- OH, OH, OH, OH!Copy !req
90. - YEAH!Copy !req
91. - WHOA,
DENZEL WAS IN A GANG!Copy !req
92. LET'S ALL TAKE A MOMENT TO SOAK
IN THAT STARTLING REVELATION.Copy !req
93. - THIS IS SERIOUS, WOODY.Copy !req
94. - AH,
YOU'RE ALL OVERREACTING.Copy !req
95. MALLOY HASN'T GOTTEN
INTO ANY REAL TROUBLE YET.Copy !req
96. - 3 COUNTS OF GRAND THEFT AUTO,
137 MOVING VIOLATIONS,Copy !req
97. 12 COUNTS
OF ATTEMPTED VEHICULAR HOMICIDE,Copy !req
98. AND HE CALLED MY PARTNER
A DIPSHIT.Copy !req
99. - FIRST OF ALL,
I DON'T KNOW WHERECopy !req
100. HE COULD HAVE HEARD LANGUAGE
LIKE THAT.Copy !req
101. SECOND, YOUR PARTNER LOOKS LIKE
A DIPSHIT.Copy !req
102. - IF THIS BEAR STEPS FOOT
IN OUR TOWN AGAIN,Copy !req
103. WE'RE THROWING HIM IN PRISON.Copy !req
104. - PRISON?
DON'T WORRY, OFFICERS.Copy !req
105. I'LL MAKE SURE NOTHING LIKE THIS
EVER HAPPENS AGAIN.Copy !req
106. OH, GOD.
MAYBE HE IS OUT OF CONTROL.Copy !req
107. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?Copy !req
108. - I THINK IT'S TIME I MADE
A CALL TO MY BOYS IN DETROITCopy !req
109. TO SCARE THIS BEAR STRAIGHT.Copy !req
110. RIGHT AFTER I PRACTICE GALLOPING
AS A MYTHICAL HORSE.Copy !req
111. AW, MAN!Copy !req
112. THERE COME MY BOYS.Copy !req
113. THE BADDEST GANGSTAS IN DETROIT.
WHAT?Copy !req
114. - GOOD AFTERNOON, DENZEL.Copy !req
115. - THESE URKELS ARE GONNA
SCARE MALLOY STRAIGHT?Copy !req
116. THEY'RE WEARING
GODDAMN PENNY LOAFERS!Copy !req
117. - WOW.
YOU GUYS LOOK DIFFERENT.Copy !req
118. Y'ALL STILL GANGBANGING,
RIGHT, MURDER BONE?Copy !req
119. - OH, NO.Copy !req
120. I TEACH JEWISH-AFRICAN-AMERICAN
STUDIESCopy !req
121. AT THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE.Copy !req
122. - AND I OWN
A KIA DEALERSHIP.Copy !req
123. BUG EYES HERE DOES
THE MARKETING FOR ME.Copy !req
124. - IBA BEEBE SETTUM UPPA
THEEBA BIG WAVY MENCopy !req
125. AND INFLATABABULL GOBARILLAS.Copy !req
126. - YEAH, HE NEVER REALLY
RECOVERED FROM THAT DRIVE-BY.Copy !req
127. - OH, GREAT.
NOW WE HAVE FOUR DENZELS?Copy !req
128. - SO THIS IS
THE LITTLE PUNK BITCHCopy !req
129. WHO THINKS HE'S A CRIMINAL.Copy !req
130. - YEAH, WELL, YOU EYE TO EYE
WITH SOME REAL CRIMINALS, BITCH!Copy !req
131. - I ASSUMED, BUT IT SOUNDS
RACIST WHEN I SAY IT.Copy !req
132. - BACK IN THE DAY,
WE GOT IN SOME SERIOUS SHIT.Copy !req
133. - CARJACKING, PUSHING DOPE,Copy !req
134. BREEDING MIDGETS
AND FIGHTING THEM TO THE DEATH.Copy !req
135. - OKAY, THAT LAST ONE
CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD.Copy !req
136. - SHIT WAS FOR REAL, MALLOY.Copy !req
137. WE HAD NO RULES
AND DIDN'T RESPECT THE LAW.Copy !req
138. WE JUST RAN AROUND,
DOING WHATEVER WE WANTED,Copy !req
139. WHENEVER WE WANTED.
- YEAHBADA!Copy !req
140. - THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.
WHY'D YOU STOP?Copy !req
141. - YEAH, WHY DID WE STOP?Copy !req
142. - BECAUSE WE TURNED
OUR LIVES AROUND, FOOL!Copy !req
143. BUT YOU MAY NOT BE
SO LUCKY.Copy !req
144. - SO YOU GUYS
USED TO BE BADASSES.Copy !req
145. NOW YOU'RE THE TARGET DEMO
FOR HGTV.Copy !req
146. WHERE DO I SIGN UP?Copy !req
147. - WE STILL KNOW HOW TO GET DOWN.
- YEAH.Copy !req
148. JUST LAST WEEK,
I BOUGHT A BUMPER POOL TABLE!Copy !req
149. - AND LAST FRIDAY, MY WIFE
LEFT FOR A CONFERENCE IN TULSA,Copy !req
150. AND I GOT TO MASTURBATE!Copy !req
151. - IBA COLLECT RECIPES
OFFBA PINTEREST.Copy !req
152. - OH, HE'S RIGHT.
OUR LIVES SUCK.Copy !req
153. - REMEMBER OLD OFFICER PULASKI
WITH THE GIMP LEG?Copy !req
154. USED TO CHASE US LIKE THIS?Copy !req
155. "HEY, LITTLE MOTHER!
GET OVER HERE!"Copy !req
156. "HEY! HEY!Copy !req
157. GET OVER HERE,
LITTLE MOTHER!"Copy !req
158. THEN WE SHOT HIM
IN THE FACE.Copy !req
159. FEELS GOOD TO LAUGH AGAIN.Copy !req
160. - SEE?
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.Copy !req
161. GUYS, I DON'T MEAN
TO PLAY DOCTOR,Copy !req
162. BUT YOU'VE ALL GOT
A CASE OF THE "NO FUNSIES."Copy !req
163. - THAT'S WHAT WE GET
FOR SHARING NEEDLES.Copy !req
164. - MAN, THE BEAR'S RIGHT.
I'M BORED.Copy !req
165. - MEBA TOOBA.Copy !req
166. - I DRIVE A GODDAMN MINIVAN.Copy !req
167. - WHAT DO YOU SAY WE HIT
THE TOWN AND HAVE SOME REAL FUN?Copy !req
168. - YEAH!
- HELL, YEAH!Copy !req
169. - HOLD ON, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE SCARING THE BEAR STRAIGHT,Copy !req
170. NOT DECLARING THE BEAR'S GREAT!Copy !req
171. - DON'T BE A PUNK, D.Copy !req
172. WE ABOUT TO TEAR SHIT UP
OLD SCHOOL.Copy !req
173. YOU IN OR OUT?
- UH, IN?Copy !req
174. - SO, CUBSY WUBSY, DID MY
HOMEBOYS SCARE YOU STRAIGHT YET?Copy !req
175. - SUCK IT, CRACKER!Copy !req
176. - YEAH!
- YEAH, TAKE IT!Copy !req
177. - DENZEL, HEY, THERE YOU ARE.Copy !req
178. I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER
FOR YOU.Copy !req
179. YOU DIDN'T SHOW
FOR SHADOWFAX PRACTICE.Copy !req
180. EVERYTHING OKAY?Copy !req
181. - WHOA, HOLD UP.Copy !req
182. WHO THE
IS THIS HONKEY DONKEY?Copy !req
183. - I GET IT!Copy !req
184. HE'S A HONKEY DONKEY.Copy !req
185. - WE'RE SHADOWFAX,
THE LORD OF ALL HORSES.Copy !req
186. TELL 'EM, DENZEL.Copy !req
187. - DENZEL, YOU'RE FRIENDS
WITH THIS GUY?Copy !req
188. - OH, DON'T PAY ATTENTION
TO STEVE, FELLAS.Copy !req
189. HE'S JUST A LOCAL PEDOPHILE
WE KEEP AROUNDCopy !req
190. TO CLEAN OUT THE SHITTERS.Copy !req
191. NOW LET'S GO!
LATER, LOCAL PEDOPHILE STEVE.Copy !req
192. - YOU GUYS HAVE GOTTEN
PRETTY SOFT.Copy !req
193. YOU SURE YOU STILL KNOW
HOW TO COMMIT CRIMES?Copy !req
194. - OF COURSE WE DO.Copy !req
195. I SAID, "I WANT A SMALL BUSINESS
LOAN," MOTHER!Copy !req
196. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THIS ZUMBA GROUPON'S EXPIRED,Copy !req
197. MOTHER?Copy !req
198. - I SABIDA, "PUTTA MY CHILD
IN YOUR PRIBATA SCHOOBADA,Copy !req
199. MOBODA FUBODA!"Copy !req
200. - SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT THE HELL HE JUST SAID.Copy !req
201. - YO, YOUR KIDS ARE GONNA
LOVE IT HERE.Copy !req
202. THEY GOT
AN EXCELLENT DRAMA DEPARTMENT—Copy !req
203. - FREEZE, SCUMBAGS!Copy !req
204. - I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL.Copy !req
205. WAY TOO MANY BLACKS
IN HERE.Copy !req
206. - TURN TO THE RIGHT.
EYES FORWARD.Copy !req
207. - GOOD AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.
I'M WARDEN SMALLS.Copy !req
208. - ELECTRIC CHAIR!Copy !req
209. ANYWAY, I RUN A FAIR AND
HONORABLE CHRISTIAN PRISON HERE.Copy !req
210. RULE NUMBER ONE—
NO SARCASM.Copy !req
211. AW, THAT'S A GREAT RULE.Copy !req
212. - WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE GOT US
A REBEL HERE.Copy !req
213. TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE.Copy !req
214. - OW!
WHY'D YOU HIT ME?Copy !req
215. - BECAUSE AS THE BIBLE SAYS,Copy !req
216. IT'S MUCH MORE PAINFULCopy !req
217. TO WATCH YOUR FRIEND SUFFER
FOR YOUR SINS.Copy !req
218. OH, YEAH, IT IS.Copy !req
219. - THAT SOUNDS LIKE
MORE SARCASM, BOY.Copy !req
220. - UNH!Copy !req
221. OH, NO, PLEASE, STOP.Copy !req
222. - I'LL BREAK YOU
OF THAT SARCASM, SON,Copy !req
223. IF I HAVE TO BREAK
EVERY BILLY CLUBCopy !req
224. OVER YOUR FRIEND'S HEAD.Copy !req
225. - OW! HEY!
AH, STOP! OH!Copy !req
226. GOD DAMN!Copy !req
227. UM, HEY, WARDEN,Copy !req
228. THAT'S A REALLY NICE TIE.Copy !req
229. TAKE THAT, MALLOY!Copy !req
230. OW!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!Copy !req
231. I THOUGHT MY FRIEND
HAD TO SUFFER FOR MY SINS.Copy !req
232. - I WAS BEING SARCASTIC,
IDIOT!Copy !req
233. WELCOME
TO HAZELHURST PRISON.Copy !req
234. I GUARANTEE YOU BOYS
GONNA STAY IN LINE,Copy !req
235. OR MY NAME ISN'T
WARDEN TINY SMALLS.Copy !req
236. - ELECTRIC CHAIR!Copy !req
237. - SCARE ME STRAIGHT, HUH?
GOOD PLAN, WOODY.Copy !req
238. WHEN WE GET HOME, I'M GONNA
SPANK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!Copy !req
239. - YOU'RE NOT GOING HOME,
MALLOY.Copy !req
240. YOU'RE STAYING HERE
UNTIL YOU'VE LEARNED A LESSON.Copy !req
241. - OH, YOU'RE GETTING
AN ANGRY SPANKING NOW!Copy !req
242. GET ME OUT OF HERE, WOODY.Copy !req
243. - WELL, I—NO!Copy !req
244. NO, I MADE MY DECISION,
AND I'M STICKING TO IT!Copy !req
245. GOOD-BYE, MALLOY!Copy !req
246. BE STRONG, PAPA BEAR.Copy !req
247. DON'T LOOK BACK.Copy !req
248. IT'S CALLED TOUGH LOVE.Copy !req
249. - OH, WHAT THE—Copy !req
250. WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?
LEAVE ME ALONE!Copy !req
251. DAMN, I DON'T REMEMBER PRISON
BEING THIS SCARYCopy !req
252. BACK IN THE DAY.
- OH, COME ON, DENZEL.Copy !req
253. IT AIN'T THAT BAD.Copy !req
254. - OHBA, SHIBBIT!Copy !req
255. - MAN, WE'RE GONNA DIE IN HERE!
- CHILL OUT, D.Copy !req
256. THERE'S FOUR OF US.Copy !req
257. AS LONG AS WE STICK TOGETHER,
WE'LL BE FINE.Copy !req
258. - THAT'S RIGHT, SUCKAS!Copy !req
259. NOBODY'S GONNA MESS
WITH THE COOL FRIENDS GANG!Copy !req
260. WHO WANTS TO STEP TO THIS, HUH?
NOBODY?Copy !req
261. THAT'S WHAT I THOU—Copy !req
262. - THEY CALL ME "MEAT HAMMER,"
BECAUSE I GOT A MEAT HAMMER.Copy !req
263. AND I DON'T MEAN
A TENDERIZING UTENSIL.Copy !req
264. - GOT IT.
- I MEAN A MEAT HAMMER.Copy !req
265. - UH-HUH.
- IN MY PANTS.Copy !req
266. - FOLLOWING YOU.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?Copy !req
267. I'M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD
AND SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU.Copy !req
268. I'M REFERRING TO MY DICK.
- I GOT IT!Copy !req
269. - 'SUP, BITCH?
COMO SE LLAMA, ESE?Copy !req
270. - OF COURSE I'D LIKE CHIPS
AND SALSA.Copy !req
271. YOU GUYS GOT ANY QUESO?Copy !req
272. - HEY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH, SON!Copy !req
273. THIS IS PACO,
LEADER OF THE LATIN KINGS.Copy !req
274. - THAT'S A WEIRD NAME
FOR A LANDSCAPING COMPANY.Copy !req
275. - WHAT?
I'M GONNA KILL—Copy !req
276. - KNOCK, KNOCK.
- OH, WHO'S THERE?Copy !req
277. - AMISH HANK.
- UH, AMISH HANK WHO?Copy !req
278. - I'MA SHANK YOU!Copy !req
279. HEY! HEY!Copy !req
280. - MM.Copy !req
281. YEAH, IT'S BEEN REAL LONELY
IN HERECopy !req
282. SINCE MY LAST CELLMATE DIED.
- HOW'D HE DIE?Copy !req
283. - THE DOC IN THE INFIRMARY SAIDCopy !req
284. HIS ANUS GOT TURNED
INSIDE OUT... SOMEHOW.Copy !req
285. - YOU BOYS ARE FREE TO GO.Copy !req
286. - YEAH,
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!Copy !req
287. CAN'T NO PRISON CONTAIN
THE COOL FRIENDS GANG.Copy !req
288. MOVE OUT MY WAY!
- NOT YOU, SON.Copy !req
289. JUST YOUR FRIENDS.
- YEAH, MAN, SORRY ABOUT THAT.Copy !req
290. I COULD ONLY CALL IN FAVORS
FOR THE THREE OF US.Copy !req
291. - HEY, WHAT ABOUT
STICKING TOGETHER?Copy !req
292. - THE ONLY THING YOU NEED
TO BE CONCERNEDCopy !req
293. ABOUT STICKING TOGETHER
IS YOUR BUTT CHEEKS.Copy !req
294. - MM.Copy !req
295. YOU GONNA BE DOING
A HARD 12 IN HERE.Copy !req
296. AND I DON'T MEAN 12 YEARS
OF HARD TIME.Copy !req
297. I MEAN 12—
- I KNOW!Copy !req
298. - ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,Copy !req
299. THANK YOU FOR COMING
TO AUDITION.Copy !req
300. AS YOU KNOW,
MY EX-BEST FRIEND DENZELCopy !req
301. IS ROTTING IN A PRISON
BECAUSE HE'S A CLASS-A JERK,Copy !req
302. WHICH MEANS ONE OF YOU
IS GOING TO REPLACE HIMCopy !req
303. AS MY PARTNER
IN THE TOL-CON COSTUME CONTEST.Copy !req
304. - CONTEST?
CRAIGSLIST SAID "HORSE COSTUME."Copy !req
305. I THOUGHT THIS WAS
A FURRY FREAK SEX PARTY!Copy !req
306. - THIS IS NOT
A FURRY FREAK SEX PARTY.Copy !req
307. JORGE, WAIT!Copy !req
308. WHAT I MEANT WAS, WE'RE GOING
TO A FURRY SEX PARTY.Copy !req
309. - YES!
YOU HAVEN'T LIVEDCopy !req
310. TILL YOU'VE CONTRACTED HERPES
FROM A GIGANTIC SQUIRREL!Copy !req
311. ♪Copy !req
312. ♪ GONNA VISIT MY CUBSY WUBS
IN THE BIG, SCARY PRISON ♪Copy !req
313. ♪ GONNA BRING HIM HOME 'CAUSE
HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ♪Copy !req
314. WHAT THE HELL?Copy !req
315. - OKAY, SO LOOK, VATO,
TUCO OVER IN CELL 31?Copy !req
316. HE SHOWS ME NO RESPECT.
HE'S GOTTA GO.Copy !req
317. - YO, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.Copy !req
318. - WAIT, BUT I AM TUCO.Copy !req
319. - CUBSY WUBS?Copy !req
320. - WHAT'D YOU CALL
OUR LEADER, ESE?Copy !req
321. YOU WANT FOR ME TO MAKE
THIS BITCH ASS DEAD?Copy !req
322. - NO, THAT'S COOL, DOG.Copy !req
323. I THINK I REMEMBER THIS FOOL
FROM BACK IN THE HOOD.Copy !req
324. - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU,
MALLOY?Copy !req
325. - NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME,
GRINGO.Copy !req
326. THIS IS MY FAMILY NOW.Copy !req
327. JULIO, IS THAT MY MOON PIE?Copy !req
328. - I KNEW IT, MALLOY!Copy !req
329. I KNEW TOUGH LOVE
WAS A BAD IDEA!Copy !req
330. I NEVER SHOULD'VE LISTENED
TO THOSE ASSHOLE RANGERS.Copy !req
331. DON'T YOU WORRY.Copy !req
332. DADDY IS GONNA BUST YOU
OUTTA HERE.Copy !req
333. - BUST ME OUT?
THIS IS MY HOME, HOMES.Copy !req
334. I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.Copy !req
335. BRAH, I HEARD VATO KILLED JULIO
AND TUCO.Copy !req
336. HE IS OUT OF CONTROL.
TAKE HIM OUT.Copy !req
337. - [grunting, choking]Copy !req
338. - OKAY, JORGE, THERE'S THE LINE
FOR THE COSTUME CONTEST.Copy !req
339. - WHEN DOES
THE FURRY SEX COMMENCE?Copy !req
340. MY SACK GROWS TIGHT
WITH ANTICIPATION!Copy !req
341. - IN A MINUTE.
COME ON.Copy !req
342. LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT.Copy !req
343. - SHORTEN YOUR GAIT.Copy !req
344. - COME ON.
- WHAT THE—WHAT THE?Copy !req
345. - DENZEL COULD DO IT.
WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT THIS?Copy !req
346. - BECAUSE MY EYES STING FROM
THE FUMES COMING FROM YOUR ANUS.Copy !req
347. YOU SMELL LIKE
THE MIDDLE EAST!Copy !req
348. - HEY, GREAT GOLLUM COSTUME.Copy !req
349. - I HAVE PROGERIA.Copy !req
350. - OKAY, WE'RE NEXT!Copy !req
351. I THINK WE'VE STILL
GOT A SHOT AT WINNING.Copy !req
352. - I'M SORRY,
YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED.Copy !req
353. - WHAT? WHY?Copy !req
354. - YEAH, YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED
BECAUSE YOU'RE MISSINGCopy !req
355. THE BACK HALF OF YOUR COSTUME.
- JORGE!Copy !req
356. - YOU ARE THE BIGGEST,
SEXIEST FURRY IN HERE.Copy !req
357. TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOU, A BEAR?
HUH?Copy !req
358. A GORILLA?Copy !req
359. - I'M PETER JACKSON.Copy !req
360. - HERE, RELAX.
HAVE SOME TOILET WINE.Copy !req
361. - NAH, NAH, I'M GOOD.Copy !req
362. I HAD A BUNCH
OF SHITTER SAKE EARLIER.Copy !req
363. - NOW, I DON'T WANT
TO JUST MAKE LOVE.Copy !req
364. WE SHOULD GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER.Copy !req
365. - OOH, GOOD IDEA.Copy !req
366. WE SHOULD HAVE LOTS
OF LONG CONVERSATIONS.Copy !req
367. - WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
- BLUE.Copy !req
368. - OKAY, LET'S DO IT.
- WHAT? AAH!Copy !req
369. HEY, HEY, THAT'S NOT GONNA FIT!
IT AIN'T GONNA FIT!Copy !req
370. - NOT SO FAST!Copy !req
371. YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX
WITH THIS MAN.Copy !req
372. - OH, THANK YOU,
BABY JESUS!Copy !req
373. - UNTIL AFTER YOU MARRY HIM.
- WAIT, COME AGAIN?Copy !req
374. - I RUN
A GOOD CHRISTIAN PRISON HERE,Copy !req
375. AND I DON'T ALLOW
ANY INTERCOURSE UNDER MY ROOFCopy !req
376. UNLESS YOU SHARE A UNION
IN THE EYES OF GOD.Copy !req
377. CALL THE CATERER, BOYS.Copy !req
378. WE'RE HAVING US
A GAY PRISON WEDDING!Copy !req
379. - OH, BOY!
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!Copy !req
380. - W-WAIT, WHAT'S THE RUSH?
- I'M A ROMANTIC.Copy !req
381. AND I GOT AIDS.Copy !req
382. - ALL RIGHT,
BRICKLEBERRY'S FINEST.Copy !req
383. DENZEL'S ABOUT TO BECOME
A HUMAN CONDOM,Copy !req
384. AND MY POOR LITTLE BABY
HAS BEEN BRAINWASHEDCopy !req
385. BY A GANG OF LANDSCAPERS.Copy !req
386. AND WE ARE GONNA
BUST 'EM BOTH OUT.Copy !req
387. - BUST THEM OUT?Copy !req
388. THAT PRISON'S HARDER TO GET INTO
THAN A SHEEP'S PANTIES.Copy !req
389. - TRUE, HAZELHURST PENITENTIARY
IS NOTORIOUS FOR TWO THINGS—Copy !req
390. ONE, ITS AIRTIGHT SECURITY,
AND TWO,Copy !req
391. ITS FONDNESS FOR FORCED
HOMOSEXUAL WEDDINGS.Copy !req
392. WE'RE GONNA POSE AS A WEDDING
EVENTS CREW, SLIP IN,Copy !req
393. AND BE GONE WITH OUR FRIENDSCopy !req
394. BEFORE THE RICE PILAF
IS EVEN COLD.Copy !req
395. - OH, MY GOD, I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO PLAN A WEDDING!Copy !req
396. - EASY THERE, BRIDEZILLA.
YOU'RE ON CAKE AND FLOWERS.Copy !req
397. CONNIE,
YOU'RE THE PHOTOGRAPHER.Copy !req
398. - CAN I GRAB
A COUPLE TITTY PICS OF ETHEL?Copy !req
399. - FIRECRACKER JIM,
YOU'RE ON DEMOLITION.Copy !req
400. WHEN YOU HEAR,
"DUN, DUH, DUN, DUN, DUN,"Copy !req
401. BLOW US AN ESCAPE ROUTE!Copy !req
402. - HELL, YEAH!Copy !req
403. BLOWING SHIT UP WAS MY MAJOR
IN COLLEGE!Copy !req
404. - I DIDN'T KNOW BRICKLEBERRY
HAD A COLLEGE.Copy !req
405. - THAT'S 'CAUSE I BLEW IT UP!Copy !req
406. - THEM PRISON GUARDS ARE GONNA
BE PACKING A LOT OF HEAT,Copy !req
407. BUT SO WILL WE.Copy !req
408. WHEN THEY START FIRING AT US,
POOM!Copy !req
409. - HEY, LOOK AT ME!
I'M LIKE A STRIPPER WITH GUNS!Copy !req
410. - JUST LIKE GRANNY POSSUMCODS.Copy !req
411. SHE USED TO HOLD US AT GUNPOINT
AND GIVE US LAP DANCES.Copy !req
412. I LOVE CHRISTMAS.Copy !req
413. - ALL RIGHT, TEAM,
LET'S DO THIS.Copy !req
414. - HOLA, NEGRO.Copy !req
415. ME AND MY BOYS JUST WANTED
TO COME DOWNCopy !req
416. AND GIVE YOU
A LITTLE WEDDING PRESENT.Copy !req
417. - SWEET, A SHANK.
- NO, IT'S A TOOTHBRUSH.Copy !req
418. I FIGURED YOU SHOULD
HAVE FRESH BREATHCopy !req
419. WHILE MEAT HAMMER
TURNS YOUR ASSHOLE INSIDE OUT.Copy !req
420. - OH, NO!Copy !req
421. HOW ARE WE GONNA
GET PAST THE GUARDS?Copy !req
422. - NOW EVERYBODY
JUST STAY COOL.Copy !req
423. I GOT A WHOLE BACKSTORY
WORKED OUT.Copy !req
424. GOOD DAY, MATE.Copy !req
425. NAME'S RICK SWORDFIRE.Copy !req
426. I'M A BISEXUAL PISCES
WHO LOVES ANALINGUS.Copy !req
427. - HOW DO YOU SPELL
YOUR LAST NAME?Copy !req
428. - UH, UH, UH,
UH...Copy !req
429. ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO!Copy !req
430. - HEY, BUDDY, YOU OKAY?
- NO, NOT REALLY.Copy !req
431. I GOT SCREWED OVER
BY MY BEST FRIEND.Copy !req
432. NOW I'LL PROBABLY NEVER GET
TO MEET MY HERO.Copy !req
433. - COME ON, MAN.
SURE YOU WILL.Copy !req
434. - VIGGO MORTENS—Copy !req
435. - LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE MAD
AT YOUR BEST FRIEND.Copy !req
436. - YOU'RE RIGHT, VIGGO.Copy !req
437. AND NOW
HE'S IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.Copy !req
438. HE'S BEING FORCED TO MARRY
THIS GUY IN PRISON.Copy !req
439. - WHAT?
YOU NEED TO HELP YOUR FRIEND.Copy !req
440. THINK LIKE A HOBBIT, MAN.Copy !req
441. YOU THINK THAT, UH, "FREDO"
WOULD ALLOW "GANDAR" TO—Copy !req
442. HE'D USE THE INVISIBILITY,
UH, NECKLACE, UH—Copy !req
443. ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY.Copy !req
444. I NEVER SAW
THOSE GODDAMN MOVIES.Copy !req
445. ♪Copy !req
446. ♪Copy !req
447. - WHEN THAT GUY'S DONE
WITH DENZEL'S RECTUM,Copy !req
448. PEOPLE WILL PAY
TO SEE EVEL KNIEVEL JUMP IT.Copy !req
449. ♪Copy !req
450. OKAY, FIRECRACKER JIM,
BLOW IT!Copy !req
451. - THOSE INBRED HILLBILLIES
UP THEIR CUE!Copy !req
452. - YEAH, SORRY 'BOUT THAT.Copy !req
453. - WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?Copy !req
454. - WELL, YEAH, WE KINDA GOT
ARRESTED ON THE WAY OVER HERE.Copy !req
455. TURNS OUT SMOKING METH WHILE
DRIVING IS A PAROLE VIOLATION.Copy !req
456. - GOD DAMN IT.
WELL, AT LEAST WE'VE STILL GOTCopy !req
457. A GIANT WEDDING CAKE
FILLED WITH GUNS.Copy !req
458. - YEAH, ABOUT THAT,Copy !req
459. THERE WAS JUST NO WAY
TO GET THE GUNS INSIDECopy !req
460. WITHOUT MESSING UP THE LAVENDER
BUTTERCREAM FROSTING.Copy !req
461. SORRY.Copy !req
462. - ETHEL, ARE YOU TELLING MECopy !req
463. THAT RATHER THAN SPRINGING
MALLOY AND DENZEL,Copy !req
464. WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE
TO CATER A GODDAMN WEDDING?Copy !req
465. - NO,
A BEAUTIFUL GODDAMN WEDDING!Copy !req
466. DEARLY INCARCERATED,
WE ARE GATHERED TO WITNESSCopy !req
467. THE UNION BETWEEN MEAT HAMMER
AND DENZEL,Copy !req
468. WHICH SHALL LAST FOREVER,Copy !req
469. FOR WHILE GAY MARRIAGE
MAY BE LEGAL IN OUR FINE STATE,Copy !req
470. GAY DIVORCE IS NOT.Copy !req
471. MEAT HAMMER,
DO YOU TAKE DENZELCopy !req
472. TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED
GAY PRISON PARTNER?Copy !req
473. - YOU BET I DO.Copy !req
474. - AND, DENZEL,
DO YOU TAKE MEAT HAMMER?Copy !req
475. - SAY IT.
YOU BETTER SAY IT.Copy !req
476. - I, UH—I D—Copy !req
477. - HOLY SHIT!
IS THAT VIGGO MORTENSEN?Copy !req
478. MAN, HIS CAREER
IS IN THE SHITTER!Copy !req
479. - I, LORD OF THE RINGS,
COMMAND YOU—STOP THIS WEDDING!Copy !req
480. - STEVE, YOU SAVED ME!Copy !req
481. - THAT'S WHAT BEST FRIENDS
ARE FOR!Copy !req
482. - LOOK, STEVE, I'M SORRY FOR—
- ALREADY FORGIVEN.Copy !req
483. NOW LET'S GET YOU OUT OF HERE
THE QUICKEST WAY POSSIBLE—Copy !req
484. AS TWO GROWN MEN
IN A HORSE SUIT.Copy !req
485. - SOUNDS GOOD.
I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.Copy !req
486. - WAIT A MINUTE!Copy !req
487. THIS IS NOT
A FURRY FOOK FEST EITHER!Copy !req
488. - LET'S RIDE, STEVE!Copy !req
489. - GIDDYUP, PARTNER!Copy !req
490. - NO, NO, LEAVE ME!
I LOVE IT HERE!Copy !req
491. - SHADOWFAX, AWAY!Copy !req
492. - NOW IF SOMEBODY
COULD ONLY EXPLAIN TO MECopy !req
493. WHAT THE
JUST HAPPENED?Copy !req
494. - AAH!Copy !req