1. Subs created by: David Coleman.Copy !req
2. Hell yeah!Copy !req
3. That's it? I guess I gotta
pull out the big guns.Copy !req
4. Hey! What the hell do
you think you're doing?Copy !req
5. Huh? Fishing, dumb-ass! I'm
Firecracker Jim, God damn it!Copy !req
6. Fishing? With dynamite?Copy !req
7. Yeah. You signed the damn permit.Copy !req
8. I need to start reading those things.Copy !req
9. Don't worry. I'm an explosives expert.Copy !req
10. Oops.Copy !req
11. Shit!Copy !req
12. Oh, my God! It's a miracle!Copy !req
13. You're damn right it
is. I can touch my Peter!Copy !req
14. We're all gonna miss Edith.Copy !req
15. I feel so lucky that I got to
know my great-great-grandmother.Copy !req
16. Thank you all for coming. I know...Copy !req
17. Wait, wait, wait. I'd
like to say a few words.Copy !req
18. Edith was very special to me.Copy !req
19. Every time we made sweet love was
like our first time, at least for her.Copy !req
20. - She had Alzheimer's.
- Who the is this guy?Copy !req
21. She used to love my poetry.Copy !req
22. Here's one more for you, Edith.Copy !req
23. Edith was a little racist.Copy !req
24. She said she did not like black faces.Copy !req
25. But I had a black part that
she loved with her heart,Copy !req
26. and that part broke
her hip in five places.Copy !req
27. Beautiful. Just beautiful.Copy !req
28. I'm sorry, Denzel.Copy !req
29. Looks like you're taking
Edith's death pretty hard, huh?Copy !req
30. What? No. She was 112 years old.Copy !req
31. That bitch should've
been dead 30 years ago.Copy !req
32. I'm sad because I made love
to the oldest woman on Earth.Copy !req
33. I've done it all now.
Where do I go from here?Copy !req
34. Hell?Copy !req
35. So, what's this big, important news?Copy !req
36. Yeah, Woody, what are we doing... uh!Copy !req
37. Yes!Copy !req
38. Oh, my God. She's completely healed.Copy !req
39. And my rash is gone.Copy !req
40. I wonder if it cures bitch.Copy !req
41. I think my hymen just grew back.Copy !req
42. Don't worry. It'll be
gone after happy hour.Copy !req
43. Rangers, old Woody has
discovered a miracle.Copy !req
44. As you can see, this lake cures any
ailment, from the common cold to cancer.Copy !req
45. You could have just told us.Copy !req
46. Yeah, sure, but this way was more fun.Copy !req
47. How were you sure it would work?Copy !req
48. Connie could have... uh!Copy !req
49. I could get used to this.Copy !req
50. There must be a scientific explanation.Copy !req
51. Yeah, asshole, there is.Copy !req
52. I was chosen by God to heal the sick.Copy !req
53. And another reason
not to believe in God.Copy !req
54. The Lord works in mysterious ways,
and right now, he wants me to be rich.Copy !req
55. Sick people, lost souls,
deep pockets, blah blah blah.Copy !req
56. Religion equals money! Now,
we've got a lot of work to do.Copy !req
57. Work? You were supposed to
take me snowboarding today.Copy !req
58. Sorry. No time, Cubbykins.Copy !req
59. Daddy is God's prophet now,
and I do plan to profit.Copy !req
60. Yeah. Another scam that'll
blow up in your face.Copy !req
61. I want to shred the
slopes like Shaun White.Copy !req
62. He gets lots of ass for an ugly woman.Copy !req
63. Shred the slope? You've
never even seen snow.Copy !req
64. Wait. You've never seen snow?Copy !req
65. Could somebody explain to the
diversity hire that bears hibernate?Copy !req
66. That means sleep for a long time, Denzel,
something you should be familiar with.Copy !req
67. Take it easy on Denzel.Copy !req
68. He's had a rough day... uh!Copy !req
69. What's wrong, Denzel?Copy !req
70. Ever since I was a
little boy, I had a dream.Copy !req
71. And then, I realized that dream.Copy !req
72. And now...Copy !req
73. Shit!Copy !req
74. Sorry, I couldn't listen
to any more of that.Copy !req
75. God, this would be so much more
satisfying if that lake wasn't there.Copy !req
76. Connie, Steve, go round
up every sick, gullible,Copy !req
77. emotionally needy, dumb-ass,
lonely loser with a bank account.Copy !req
78. Denzel, Ethel, take Malloy
up the mountain to snowboard.Copy !req
79. - Stat!
- So, that's it?Copy !req
80. You're gonna exploit this lake?Copy !req
81. Exploit the lake and help
the sick and disabled.Copy !req
82. Imagine what they'll do
with a new lease on life.Copy !req
83. Oh, my God!Copy !req
84. Honey, ever since I blew my arms and
legs off, I've been dying to do this.Copy !req
85. Oh! Oh, Lord!Copy !req
86. - Oh! Oh, God, yeah.
- Mmm! Mmm, oh!Copy !req
87. Oh! Oh, Jim! Oh, Lord!Copy !req
88. Oh! Oh, Jim! Oh!Copy !req
89. Damn. Malloy, are you really
gonna use all this junk?Copy !req
90. Are you really gonna bitch
the whole way up this mountain?Copy !req
91. All right, almost there...Copy !req
92. You spoiled little shit.Copy !req
93. - Little what'd you say?
- I said, "nice hat."Copy !req
94. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
95. Okay, we're here.Copy !req
96. Watch this.Copy !req
97. All right. I can't snowboard.Copy !req
98. And I can't stand
this white, cold stuff.Copy !req
99. Uh, that's snow.Copy !req
100. This is snow? You should've told me!Copy !req
101. It sucks! Let's get out of here.Copy !req
102. That's it? A five-hour hike for that?Copy !req
103. No, uh-uh. We ain't leaving this spot
till you build a snowman or some shit.Copy !req
104. Guys, I found some rope.Copy !req
105. You'll probably want to hang
yourself before you freeze to death.Copy !req
106. All right, this isn't so hard.Copy !req
107. Praise Jesus and good morning!Copy !req
108. We'd like to tell you
about Miracle Lake.Copy !req
109. Praise jes...Copy !req
110. Praise... prai...Copy !req
111. - Praise Jesus, and good mor...
- Let me stop you right there.Copy !req
112. We're Scientologists.Copy !req
113. Come on in. We'll tell you about it.Copy !req
114. Oh, no, scientology is
only for the weak-minded.Copy !req
115. We're not falling for that.Copy !req
116. I can't believe we're
Scientologists now.Copy !req
117. Don't worry, I'm sure we
can quit any time we want.Copy !req
118. What the hell are you doing here?Copy !req
119. We're here to spread our
message of peace and love.Copy !req
120. Oh, no, you don't!Copy !req
121. We're spreading our message of
peace and love, you suckers!Copy !req
122. "Abraham begat Isaac,
Isaac begat Jacob."Copy !req
123. Woody "be-gatting" a headache!Copy !req
124. God! Why the hell did
you write this gibberish?Copy !req
125. Oh, hey, Malloy.
Where's Ethel and Denzel?Copy !req
126. Freezing to death in an ice cave.Copy !req
127. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ice cave, that's nice.Copy !req
128. Good morning, brothers and sisters!Copy !req
129. - You suck!
- Okay.Copy !req
130. Welcome to the Miracle
Lake Church of God,Copy !req
131. his holy mistress Mary, and
their love child, the baby Jesus.Copy !req
132. Please put your praying hands together!Copy !req
133. And welcome to the stage God's BFF...Copy !req
134. Reverend Woody!Copy !req
135. Amen! Hallelujah!Copy !req
136. Miracles? Oh, brothers and
sisters, have I seen miracles!Copy !req
137. Like when, uh... shit, uh, like when
Moses turned, uh, fish into wine.Copy !req
138. Or like when the Holy Ghost
gave birth to Adam and Eve.Copy !req
139. Who's with me?Copy !req
140. Hey, I didn't write this crap, okay?Copy !req
141. The point is, this lake before
you is the greatest miracle of all.Copy !req
142. Well, what do we have here?Copy !req
143. - I'm blind.
- I can see that.Copy !req
144. I'm not blind.Copy !req
145. Now, what can I do you for?
Fix your bum knee or something?Copy !req
146. Okay, okay. You don't
have to get an attitude.Copy !req
147. By the power of
Grayskull, alakazam! Poom!Copy !req
148. It's a miracle! I can see! I can see!Copy !req
149. But I can't swim.Copy !req
150. Oh, my God, I've got to start
getting the money up front.Copy !req
151. All right, I'm in.Copy !req
152. Jesus saves, but he doesn't trust banks.Copy !req
153. Cash only, people.Copy !req
154. This is by far the
best idea I've ever had.Copy !req
155. What? Your idea?Copy !req
156. But this is small potatoes.
Real evangelists make big money.Copy !req
157. I'll whip you into shape.Copy !req
158. In the beginning, God
created heaven and heaven.Copy !req
159. Ow!Copy !req
160. Earth! You hesitated.Copy !req
161. Real evangelists know the Bible front...Copy !req
162. To back.Copy !req
163. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
164. Good. Crying on command.
That's lesson two.Copy !req
165. Now let's cover showmanship.Copy !req
166. Dance!Copy !req
167. Faster!Copy !req
168. Enough! Even God rested
on the fourth day!Copy !req
169. Ow! Seventh!Copy !req
170. Where are we?Copy !req
171. We fell into some kind of ice cavern.Copy !req
172. This must have been a
glacier, frozen over years ago.Copy !req
173. Oh, my God.Copy !req
174. That looks like a Neanderthal
woman frozen in ice.Copy !req
175. She must be at least 400,000 years old.Copy !req
176. Uh, that's more than 112, right?Copy !req
177. Yeah. First off, we've got to... hey!Copy !req
178. What are you doing?Copy !req
179. Oh, I'mCopy !req
180. Lights go up.Copy !req
181. Cue the music.Copy !req
182. Cue the blacks.Copy !req
183. Bulimia? "Emphysemia"?Copy !req
184. Screw it! Just jump in!Copy !req
185. I can't believe we made the greatest
archaeological find of all time,Copy !req
186. and you just want to bang it.Copy !req
187. - Yeah. What's wrong with that?
- Everything, you freaking weirdo!Copy !req
188. And, in case you didn't
notice, we're trapped.Copy !req
189. We could die in here! Don't you get it?Copy !req
190. Oh, I'm about to get it. No condoms.Copy !req
191. Where'd you get all this stuff?Copy !req
192. Oh, I never leave home
without my emergency sex pack.Copy !req
193. Excuse me. I got
business to take care of.Copy !req
194. Now, baby, I know you probably
feeling a little jetlaggedCopy !req
195. by traveling 400,000 years into
the future, so let me catch you up.Copy !req
196. Dinosaurs are dead,
we landed on the moon,Copy !req
197. and they made a sequel to Dirty
Dancing called Havana Nights.Copy !req
198. Now let's get down to business.Copy !req
199. I'm gonna make you feel
right at home, girl.Copy !req
200. Oh, yabba dabba do me!Copy !req
201. Got it! Not a Flintstones fan.Copy !req
202. Hey, where are the key lights?Copy !req
203. Careful with the stained glass.Copy !req
204. Come on, people, TV crews
are covering this live.Copy !req
205. Just think of how much
more money we'll makeCopy !req
206. when millions of people see firsthand
what a gentle, godly man I really am.Copy !req
207. Who's that Dick on a stick?Copy !req
208. I wanted a blue-eyed
Jesus, not a Jew-guy Jesus!Copy !req
209. I feel like I'm praying
to my goddamn accountant!Copy !req
210. - How much did all this cost?
- I don't know!Copy !req
211. A shitload. Ask my accountant.Copy !req
212. The man is right. It cost a shitload.Copy !req
213. I have to apologize for my
behavior a little earlier.Copy !req
214. Let's get to know each other.Copy !req
215. Denzel.Copy !req
216. - Krog.
- Krog? That's a beautiful name.Copy !req
217. Aah! No! Stop! Let me go!Copy !req
218. Man, what the hell?Copy !req
219. Oh, I see.Copy !req
220. Y'all liked it rough
back in the ice age. Okay.Copy !req
221. Krog like talking shadow.Copy !req
222. That's racist as hell, but I like it.Copy !req
223. Krog give happy cave to you.Copy !req
224. Damn! That's some B.C. bush right there.Copy !req
225. Okay, how do you like it?Copy !req
226. Maybe we start out
Missionary, and then...Copy !req
227. Oh!Copy !req
228. Whoa! Take it easy! Take it easy!Copy !req
229. Aah! Aah! Oh, no!Copy !req
230. Slow up! It don't bend that way!Copy !req
231. Ah! That was wonderful, baby. I
wish I could stay here forever.Copy !req
232. Denzel, I made it to the top!Copy !req
233. Gotta go!Copy !req
234. Yep, that's right, Guinness
Book of World Records!Copy !req
235. 400,000 years old.Copy !req
236. Herman, Paddy, Liam! A new world record!Copy !req
237. Oldest white woman
by a black man!Copy !req
238. Hooray!Copy !req
239. Whew! That's done.Copy !req
240. What? What are you doing here?Copy !req
241. Krog love. We mate for life.Copy !req
242. What you talking about, Krog?Copy !req
243. My chillins, if you want
to heal, you've got to give.Copy !req
244. You gotta give till it hurts!Copy !req
245. You gotta give until you say, "ow!"Copy !req
246. Your kids don't need Christmas.Copy !req
247. The Devil made up Christmas!Copy !req
248. What's a college education
got on spiritual rejuvenation?Copy !req
249. Ooh, all material things are evil!Copy !req
250. Except for the Jesus
jet, which is awesome!Copy !req
251. Oh, brothers and sisters,
it's healing time!Copy !req
252. Who's first?Copy !req
253. Me, me! Pick me!Copy !req
254. We've got a harelip here.Copy !req
255. I repeat, a harelip.
This guy is a gold mine.Copy !req
256. A hilarious gold mine.Copy !req
257. And what is your name, my son?Copy !req
258. Menjamin Mippman.Copy !req
259. His name is Cinnamon Biscuit.Copy !req
260. By the power vested in me by God!Copy !req
261. And Mel Gibson's movies!Copy !req
262. I now pronounce you healed!Copy !req
263. - Oh, did it nerk?
- What the...? You're healed again!Copy !req
264. Did it nerk nat nime?Copy !req
265. Heal, heal, you
harelipped son of a bitch!Copy !req
266. Heal!Copy !req
267. Uh, Cinnamon, you okay?Copy !req
268. Mr. Biscuits? Mr. Biscuits!Copy !req
269. Oh, great, it worked that
time. My harelip is gone.Copy !req
270. See? I can speak normal now.Copy !req
271. I don't sound ridiculous no more.Copy !req
272. Praise Jesus! Another miracle!Copy !req
273. He stole our money! Get him!Copy !req
274. Crucify him!Copy !req
275. - He's a fraud!
- He's evil!Copy !req
276. - String him up!
- What are you doing?Copy !req
277. Hey! No!Copy !req
278. - Crucify him!
- Come on, man!Copy !req
279. - Kill him!
- People, please.Copy !req
280. Is this any way to treat a man of God?Copy !req
281. Yeah, what if they
had done this to Jesus?Copy !req
282. Shut the up, Steve.Copy !req
283. Reverend Woody just needs
to have a conversationCopy !req
284. with his friend and
business partner, God.Copy !req
285. I promise the lake will be
up and running in no time.Copy !req
286. The most important thing to
remember is, no one needs a refund.Copy !req
287. Can we at least stone his ass?Copy !req
288. I don't see why not. Ten
bucks a rock sound fair?Copy !req
289. You know, this is not... ow! Ow! Hey!Copy !req
290. Whoa! Whoa! Gaah! Hey! Ooh!Copy !req
291. Now, Krog, I like you, but, uh, I'm not
really ready for a serious relationship.Copy !req
292. What are these rocks and bones for?Copy !req
293. Wait, are you moving your stuff in?Copy !req
294. - What are you doing to my walls?
- Krog redecorate.Copy !req
295. What the hell is this shit? A
stick man fighting a buffalo?Copy !req
296. - I gotta get some air.
- You not go.Copy !req
297. You never leave Krog.Copy !req
298. Are you happy now, Dick?Copy !req
299. I don't want to do this anymore, Malloy.Copy !req
300. Those people are monsters.Copy !req
301. Hey, this money train ain't
stopping. Now, try again.Copy !req
302. Oh, God, please return
the power to this lake...Copy !req
303. For the sick people.Copy !req
304. - And for the money.
- He knows about the money, Malloy!Copy !req
305. God! Can you hear me, God?Copy !req
306. Yes, Woody, I can.Copy !req
307. - You're not God.
- No, but I do play him for a living.Copy !req
308. Anyway, where's this Miracle Lake
I've heard about? I could use a dip.Copy !req
309. I've got the most
bothersome case of penis pox.Copy !req
310. Well, this used to be Miracle
Lake, but she don't work no more.Copy !req
311. Oh, you don't want to go in that lake.Copy !req
312. Why, that's where I dump
all my medical waste.Copy !req
313. Medical waste?Copy !req
314. So that's the reason
this lake had powers?Copy !req
315. Why the hell did you dump
medical waste in there anyway?Copy !req
316. Well, you did sign this permit.Copy !req
317. Whew! I gotta stop getting
drunk and signing permits.Copy !req
318. How's it going, Captain Caveman?Copy !req
319. Not good. Krog's crazy.Copy !req
320. She had me locked in my cabin for days.Copy !req
321. I had to distract her with a crudely
carved wheel and jump out the window.Copy !req
322. Wow, I can't believe
thawing out and making loveCopy !req
323. to a 400,000-year-old
Neanderthal didn't work out.Copy !req
324. It looked so good on paper.Copy !req
325. Ethel, you've got to help me!Copy !req
326. Well, I do have three ex-boyfriends
who work at the Natural History Museum.Copy !req
327. Well, four if you count the janitor.
I'm sure they'd take her off your hands.Copy !req
328. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.Copy !req
329. Are they gonna do a bunch of
crazy-ass E.T. experiments on her?Copy !req
330. - Probably.
- Good, that bitch up.Copy !req
331. There she is! A living,
breathing Neanderthal.Copy !req
332. We can't be too careful.
She looks strong.Copy !req
333. Uh!Copy !req
334. Wait, wait, back up.Copy !req
335. So you're telling me that it was medical
waste that gave this lake its power?Copy !req
336. - So it would appear.
- Well, there's only one thing to do.Copy !req
337. - Tell people the truth.
- Dump in more medical waste.Copy !req
338. Yeah. What the hell was
I thinking? The truth.Copy !req
339. Don't look at me,
fellows. I'm fresh out.Copy !req
340. But I do keep a meticulous inventory
of my illegal dumping for tax purposes.Copy !req
341. Good thinking.Copy !req
342. If you recreate the batch, it
should have the same effect.Copy !req
343. Aah!Copy !req
344. Where you been? Krog worried sick.Copy !req
345. Oh, what are you doing here?Copy !req
346. You're supposed to be stuffed
in a museum or some shit.Copy !req
347. - What happened?
- Amazing news today.Copy !req
348. A prehistoric ice woman was
found in a National Park.Copy !req
349. Oh, eeh!Copy !req
350. Scientists plan to do a bunch of
crazy-ass E.T., experiments on her.Copy !req
351. Uh, I'm sorry, baby.Copy !req
352. Oh, how about I make you a fancy dinner?Copy !req
353. I'll grab the Kool-Aid.
You grab the fish sticks.Copy !req
354. Okay, baby.Copy !req
355. - Let me out! Let me out!
- Don't worry.Copy !req
356. I'll thaw you out when I'm
ready for a serious relationshipCopy !req
357. in about 400,000 years, you
crazy-ass cro-magnon bitch.Copy !req
358. Kill him!Copy !req
359. Dump it! Hurry, dump
it! Dump it! Dump it!Copy !req
360. It's working.Copy !req
361. It's working! We're back!Copy !req
362. Hear me ye sick and dying losers!Copy !req
363. Miracle Lake is back in business!Copy !req
364. Let's do a mass healing!Copy !req
365. Everybody in! The waters fine!Copy !req
366. Well we did it Doc.Copy !req
367. I can't believe we were able to
recreate your medical waste exactly.Copy !req
368. What are the odds we'd find a three
pound two ounce Armenian fetus?Copy !req
369. Armenian fetus? Oh drat
my sloppy handwriting.Copy !req
370. That says two pound
three ounce Iranian fetus.Copy !req
371. Iranian, Armenian, what
difference could it make?Copy !req
372. - Oh.
- It's a miracle!Copy !req
373. What did you do? All these people are...Copy !req
374. - Malloy, it doesn't heal people anymore.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
375. Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
Www.Addic7ed.Com.Copy !req