1. War is hell.
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2. The object is to destroy and demoralize.
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3. We will gouge out their
eyes, piss in their skulls,
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4. and anything left breathing, we rape!
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5. Damn, white people take
this softball shit serious.
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6. This is Brickleberry versus Yellowstone.
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7. I got 2 G's on this game!
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8. Now, in the spirit of
baseball, let's pray...
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9. That they all get Lou Gehrig's disease.
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10. - Amen.
- Shouldn't we wait for Ethel?
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11. I think she went to
look for her boyfriend.
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12. Who's the lucky fella this week?
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13. Slut.
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14. Sorry, I had something in my
throat before I said, "slut".
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15. Honey? The game's about to start.
What are you doing in there?
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16. Be out in a minute! I'm taping up.
Honey? The game's about to start.
What are you doing in there?
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17. Be out in a minute! I'm taping up.
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18. Oh, don't be so shy.
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19. Oh, my God!
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20. You are cheating on me with two women?
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21. It's not what it looks like.
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22. See? Only one woman.
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23. They're conjoined twins.
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24. Aw, come on!
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25. I don't even like the one
that controls the legs!
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26. So, uh, where were we?
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27. I was the one who
uncrossed our legs for you.
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28. Call me.
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29. Damn it, you bastards! This
is the bottom of the ninth!
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30. It's our last chance.
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31. Come on, rally bear. Show some spirit.
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32. Why can't you dance
like those black bears?
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33. Go yellow, go Yellowstone!
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34. I am fighting the urge to
say something horribly racist.
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35. Oh, that reminds me.
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36. Denzel! Steal third base!
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37. Pretend it's a car stereo.
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38. I'ma kill that cracker one day.
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39. So, what are you doing after the game?
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40. I think you have the
wrong impression of me.
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41. I'm a lesbian, Sir.
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42. Ouch.
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43. All right, next up?
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44. Aw, Christ, it's Steve.
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45. Come on, easy out!
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46. Come on, Steve, don't choke!
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47. Let's hear it for Steve!
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48. Don't choke, Steve!
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49. Don't choke, Steve! Don't choke, Steve!
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50. Listen to that crowd, Steve.
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51. You're their hero. And you're 0 for 9.
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52. Statistically, you're almost
guaranteed to get a hit.
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53. - You're out.
- Out?
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54. How am I out?
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55. Because you slid into the
pitcher's mound, moron.
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56. Yellowstone wins.
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57. - Boo!
- Steve sucks!
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58. - Steve sucks!
- Loser!
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59. Burning!
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60. Burn! Burning!
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61. Thank God!
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62. So we lost the bet. This isn't so bad.
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63. One lap around the field naked
isn't the end of the world.
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64. Oh, what is that?
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65. Damn, I see your balls, but where is...
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66. It looks like you have
a vagina with balls.
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67. - You have a ball gina.
- Okay, okay.
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68. I don't know whether to
be grossed out or horny.
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69. I'm really confused right now.
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70. The point is we're still a team, right?
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71. Aw, okay. There it is.
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72. Damn, man. Looks like your
dick is stuck in quicksand.
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73. Come on. You guys can't be mad at me.
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74. Here you go, little fella. Grab
on to this and I'll pull you out.
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75. I'll get you to safety.
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76. I'm not mad at you, Steve.
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77. I just can't believe Carl cheated on me.
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78. I am so done with him. I do
have self-respect, you know.
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79. Oh, I know you do, sugar snatch.
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80. Oh, Carl.
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81. Now, you losers ready to do your lap?
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82. All right, good warm-up lap.
Now take 'em out on the pavement.
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83. Who agreed to that bet?
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84. Ah, Steve did.
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85. I didn't think we could lose.
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86. - We'll get 'em next week!
- Next week?
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87. I lost 2 grand on that game, Steve!
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88. I don't know how I'm
gonna pay up, Steve!
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89. Oh, you'll find a way to pay me.
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90. They always do.
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91. Guys, it's not my fault
I can't play baseball.
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92. No one ever taught me.
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93. You gotta remember, I
grew up without a father.
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94. - Aw, Christ.
- Blah, blah, blah.
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95. - Oh, brother!
- Gay.
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96. It's true. My father, Jonah Williams,
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97. was the greatest Park Ranger
Brickleberry had ever seen.
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98. He was a hero to both
man and beast alike.
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99. There was nothing he couldn't do...
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100. And he never failed to amaze us.
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101. But tragedy struck when he took
me on my first camping trip.
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102. It all started very innocently.
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103. "The doctor says Steve needs
anti-psychotic medication".
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104. "We are Christian scientists!
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105. I'll snap your neck, woman!"
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106. "Aah! You're hurting me!"
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107. "Aw, take that in the back!
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108. That (Bleep)ing goddamn
mother(Bleep)ing".
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109. But things took a dark turn,
and someone needed his help.
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110. My dolly!
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111. I'm okay, son.
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112. I'm okay, son!
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113. I'm still okay, son!
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114. That one hurt a little!
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115. The only comfort I get is
that he died peacefully.
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116. - Wow.
- Aw, please.
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117. Steve uses not having a dad
as an excuse for everything.
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118. Damn! Ow! Ouch! Ow! Oh! Oh!
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119. My father never taught me how to fight.
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120. Sorry, Denzel.
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121. My father never taught
me how to post bail.
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122. My father never taught
me how to ride a bike!
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123. Look out, look out, look out!
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124. Aah! Double-paned!
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125. Tempered! Stained glass!
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126. Storm window!
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127. Glass ceiling!
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128. That one stopped me.
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129. Enough excuses, Steve.
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130. Denzel never had a dad,
and he's not a wuss.
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131. Woody, my father raised me.
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132. By "father" you mean
"grandmother," right?
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133. Look, guys, I know I let you down.
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134. But those days are over.
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135. The next chance I get, I'm gonna prove
that I'm more of a man than anyone here.
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136. Including her.
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137. Uh, hi. Um, I've got
a real problem here.
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138. My campsite is littered
with half-eaten goats.
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139. Half-eaten goats?
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140. Crap. Looks like it's
that rabid cougar again.
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141. Which one of you is gonna hunt him down?
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142. You know what?
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143. I've been looking for an
opportunity to prove my manhood
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144. since about 30 seconds ago.
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145. I'll do it.
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146. Sorry, I guess you didn't know
that I wasn't finished speaking.
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147. I'd like my $10 camping fee back.
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148. No problem, I'll just
run your credit card.
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149. Done. Should show up on your
statement at the end of the month.
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150. You suck. You are a pile of shit.
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151. And I want you to know that
your parents just called,
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152. and they're getting a divorce.
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153. They said it's your fault,
because you have leukemia
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154. and all your hair's gonna fall out.
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155. Who are you talking to?
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156. Son, we have something to tell
you. We're getting divorced.
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157. And you have leukemia.
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158. Malloy, I know it's past the deadline,
but I've almost got your $2,000 together.
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159. I just need $1,900 more.
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160. You worry too much, Woody.
We'll work something out.
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161. Okay, so what are you thinking?
Some kind of installment plan?
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162. Will you relax?
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163. Here.
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164. Sniff this for me.
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165. Don't look at me like
that, it's just business.
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166. How am I ever gonna find this cougar?
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167. Follow the dead goats.
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168. Good idea, voice in my head.
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169. You sound so much cooler
than when I talk out loud.
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170. It's me, dumb ass.
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171. You picked the wrong time
to start acting like a man.
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172. That cougar's gonna
eat you alive, Steve.
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173. Thanks for the tough love. Namaste.
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174. "Namaste".
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175. Nah, I'ma stay right here
where there ain't no cougars.
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176. Your suffering is over.
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177. Mercy is upon you.
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178. Uh, sorry about that.
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179. Now, mercy will be upon you.
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180. Almost done.
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181. You'll be with Jesus soon.
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182. Die!
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183. Save a place for me in heaven, friend.
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184. That must be where it lives.
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185. Be a man, Steve.
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186. Be a man, be a man, be a man,
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187. be a man, be a man, be a man, be a man.
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188. I don't want to be a man!
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189. Dad?
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190. Oh, my God. Dad!
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191. It's you!
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192. I have one question for you, dad.
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193. Why do I have a ball gina?
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194. - That's your dad?
- Yeah.
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195. Dad, meet Denzel.
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196. No! Eh, eh, eh! Eh, eh, eh, dad!
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197. Jonah, listen, sorry
I never looked for you.
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198. I meant to, but your wife was
in dire need of comforting,
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199. way down deep in her uterus.
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200. I've held my tongue long enough.
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201. Your dad smells like shit.
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202. Don't tell me you're still
pissed about this kidney thing,
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203. because I've moved on.
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204. The important thing is my dad is
back and he hasn't changed a bit.
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205. - Well, that's kind of new.
- Yo, that's messed up.
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206. I'll tell you what's messed up...
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207. Your judgmental attitude.
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208. Father just needs a little
help readjusting to society.
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209. Dad's new comedy bit. He's almost done.
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210. Okay, that's enough.
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211. Okay, pops, we get it.
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212. Please don't finish.
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213. Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?
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214. I just want a nice guy, someone
who will treat me with respect.
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215. I bet that person's
closer than you think.
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216. Oh, Connie, I'm so lucky to
have a platonic friend like you.
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217. Stop being so chicken shit, Connie.
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218. Tell her how you feel.
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219. Tell her you want to start a fire
by rubbing your 'ginas together.
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220. Don't talk about her like that.
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221. Talk about who like that?
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222. Ellen's on.
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223. Now, father, since you've
returned to the civilized world,
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224. it's crucial that you
learn the difference
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225. between a salad fork and a dessert fork.
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226. No, no, no. Salad fork.
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227. Hmm?
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228. What is going on here?
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229. Armando, these are people
trying to have a nice meal.
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230. Why you bother them?
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231. Allow me to apologize
on Armando's behalf.
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232. He is new, but he is very good boy.
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233. Armando, uh, why don't you go and get
these nice people some free bread sticks?
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234. You come back anytime.
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235. Anybody you wanna stab him in
the neck, you go right ahead.
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236. Yippee!
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237. Aah! Aah!
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238. All aboard the Williams
and Son rail road!
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239. Now departing for happily ever after!
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240. You know what would
make this even better?
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241. Snow cones.
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242. Hey, Steve, I'm doing
my match dot com profile,
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243. and I need a polite way
to say "no Armenians".
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244. Now, do you think they'll take a
hint if I say I don't like uni-brows,
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245. or should I also throw
in "no white BMW's"?
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246. Oh, hello. You must be Steve's father.
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247. Excuse me. I just said hello.
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248. Is that any way to treat a woman?
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249. You're rude, you're
disrespectful, you're...
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250. Just my type.
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251. - Do you want tutti-frutti
or goo-goo gra...
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252. Are you just gonna sit
there and do nothing
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253. while that creep bangs your true love?
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254. Ethel's a grown woman. She
can date whoever she wants.
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255. You're pathetic.
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256. You don't even deserve
an evil alter ego.
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257. I'm not listening to you.
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258. Why are we yelling at deer piss?
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259. It's not fair.
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260. My father and I were just starting
to rebuild our relationship.
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261. I shouldn't have to share him with her.
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262. Darling, I'll handle this.
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263. Steve, you're going to have to accept
that what your father and I have is real.
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264. Real kinky.
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265. Anything you can
imagine, we've tried it.
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266. Think about that for a minute.
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267. See? She's driving me crazy.
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268. And how does that make you feel?
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269. Crazy. Wow, you're good.
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270. Doctor, I understand Steve's pain,
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271. but Jonah's unlike any
man I've dated before.
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272. Sure, he doesn't say much, but so what?
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273. My banter is charming
enough for two people.
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274. That's a good one, Ethel.
Oh, it certainly is.
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275. No, now is not the
right time, sweetheart.
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276. Fine, I'll tell him.
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277. Steve, your father and
I, we're getting married.
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278. What?
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279. I'm sorry you had to learn this way.
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280. I was hoping you'd find out on Facebook.
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281. I can't handle this.
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282. You need to choose, dad.
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283. It's her or me.
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284. I see you've made your choice.
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285. Good news, I'm getting 2 grand for your
kidney on the Jamaican black market.
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286. As far as I'm concerned, we're square.
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287. Come on, snuggly-wubs,
don't sell my kidney.
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288. Just give me a chance to win
it back, double or nothing.
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289. - I don't know.
- Please, give me a chance!
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290. - I'll bet on anything you want!
- I bet you will.
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291. - Okay, let's bet.
- We just did.
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292. - Did I win?
- Ooh, you lost.
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293. Goddamn it!
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294. Oh, man, he's on a roll.
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295. That was such a fun night.
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296. Sounds like we both have a problem.
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297. Who are you?
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298. Oh, Connie.
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299. Here's the thing, Steve.
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300. Neither of us want
this wedding to happen.
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301. Perhaps we should join forces.
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302. Yeah, join forces.
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303. Do as I say...
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304. And we'll both be very happy.
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305. Yeah, yeah. You're... you're...
you're not gonna hurt my dad, are you?
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306. Of course not. He'll be fine...
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307. In hell.
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308. How did you do that?
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309. Sorry. I farted on your candle.
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310. Are you with the bride or the groom?
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311. She's with the bride,
she's with the groom.
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312. Anybody got a chain saw?
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313. Sorry I dragged you to this.
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314. Actually, I dragged you to this.
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315. Well, I'm happy for you, dad.
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316. No ulterior motives here.
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317. Ha! Good one.
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318. Would you excuse me, father?
I need to sabotage the wedding.
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319. Not this wedding, a different one.
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320. The Finklesteins, Bob and
Jill. You don't know them.
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321. Nobody knows them. They're made up.
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322. Damn it!
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323. So, here it is, my life
savings, just like you wanted.
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324. $400.
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325. So, what are we spending it on?
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326. No, don't tell me. I
want to be surprised.
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327. Woo!
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328. - Woo!
- Ooh!
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329. Uh, I got it.
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330. We're gonna hit Ethel with this crate.
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331. Oh, Malloy, you make the
cutest ring-"bear"- er.
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332. Oh, you are funny.
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333. Is that why you're wearing white
on your wedding day, you whore?
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334. I cannot believe you
brought that thing here.
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335. Talk about passive-aggressive.
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336. Come on, let me get even.
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337. One more shot, double or nothing.
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338. You need help, Woody.
You've got a disease.
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339. I know that because when I
tried to sell your kidney,
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340. they said, "that man has a disease".
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341. Well, I need to get
this wedding started.
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342. I've only got five minutes
of clean blood left.
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343. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
today to legitimize the fornication
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344. between this beautiful
woman and this man, who...
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345. Oh, God, he's eating a rat.
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346. Huh? My God.
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347. Connie's totally lost it.
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348. She's planning on murder.
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349. I need to do something.
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350. Dad, why don't you and
Ethel switch places?
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351. Crisis averted.
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352. Damn, she's good.
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353. Would you, uh, excuse me, everyone?
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354. I, uh, have to make a number two.
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355. Come on.
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356. And now, to save my dad!
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357. Marriage is the sacred
union of man and woman,
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358. not man and man, and certainly
not between the races,
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359. except for Spaniards and Asians.
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360. They make Filipinos, who are great
looking and desperate for cash.
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361. What are you waiting
for? Pull the trigger.
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362. I don't know if I can do this.
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363. You're a weak, bloated land whale.
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364. Why did I even lug that
stupid boudoir up here?
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365. Freeze, you weak, bloated land whale.
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366. Why is everyone picking on me?
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367. Gimme! Gimme!
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368. - No!
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369. I'm such a dick.
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370. - Whoa!
- Gimme that! Gimme that!
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371. - Uh!
- Uh! Gimme!
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372. I don't usually hit women,
but I have no other choice.
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373. Hey, let me go!
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374. Kegels.
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375. This is terrible.
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376. I'll never look in a mirror again.
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377. It's gonna make it really
tricky when you shave.
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378. I just want Jonah to be okay.
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379. Well, I want him to be more than okay,
because I love him more than you do.
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380. Oh, Steve, we're not in competition.
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381. We love him in different ways.
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382. Your love is innocent and simple.
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383. Ours is nasty and dirty,
violent and sexual.
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384. Good news, everyone. The
patient's going to make it.
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385. Yay, he's alive.
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386. - Oh, thank God.
- Hell yeah.
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387. Oh, one minor detail.
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388. - He's not your father.
- What?
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389. How do you know that?
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390. I know that because he's a bear.
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391. - A bear?
- I (Bleep) A bear?
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392. Ooh, even I think that's bad.
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393. Yes, he had a bad case of the mange.
Copy !req
394. Most of his fur fell out,
but now he's as good as new.
Copy !req
395. Damn it, I bet he was a human.
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396. I thought that was a lock.
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397. You definitely have a gambling problem.
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398. When we're done with you, mon, you're
gonna be nothing but a mustache.
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399. Well, at least he
didn't get me pregnant.
Copy !req
400. Good-bye, old bear.
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401. Just so you know, I'm not mad at you
for lying to me and breaking my heart.
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402. Steve, we both saw things in
this bear that we wanted to see,
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403. but we learned from this.
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404. Yeah, I learned I don't need
a father to make me a man.
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405. These past few days, I learned how to
ride a bike, and I almost beat up a woman.
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406. That's as manly as it gets.
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407. Mmm, and I learned to
be more open-minded.
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408. After being intimate with a bear,
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409. I'm almost ready to
consider dating an Armenian.
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410. Son, is that you?
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411. Oh, no, I'm not falling for that again.
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412. My heart.
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