1. I'm late!Copy !req
2. Right on time.Copy !req
3. Feel the burn.Copy !req
4. Hey, Malloy, nice jersey.
Looks like you're wearing a purple dress.Copy !req
5. Yeah, I'm gonna take fashion critiques
from a guy in a clip-on and mom jeans.Copy !req
6. These aren't my mom's jeans, she couldn't
fit into them anymore, they're mine.Copy !req
7. Hey, Malloy's just showing his
spirit for the big game today.Copy !req
8. I can't wait to watch it
with you, little buddy.Copy !req
9. Aw, damn it! My cookie.Copy !req
10. - Five second rule!
- Five...Copy !req
11. - I can't get it!
- Four...Copy !req
12. Connie, help!Copy !req
13. Oh, my God. That was a close one.Copy !req
14. Thank you, Connie.Copy !req
15. - No problem.
- Oh, come on, Connie.Copy !req
16. Don't be so modest.
You're like a freak of nature.Copy !req
17. Steve!Copy !req
18. We all know Connie's a lumbering, hulk-likeCopy !req
19. affront to humanity, but
it's not nice to say it.Copy !req
20. That's why I learned sign language.Copy !req
21. I was giving Connie a compliment, Ethel.Copy !req
22. God blessed her with
unnatural lesbian strength.Copy !req
23. Lesbian? Watch your mouth, Steve.Copy !req
24. That's a hate word.Copy !req
25. I think it's high time I speak
to you all about tolerance.Copy !req
26. We should be tolerant of everyone,
be they straight, be they gay,Copy !req
27. or the Jesus hates homos church who
are having a rally at the Park today.Copy !req
28. Jesus hates homos?
They're an ignorant cult.Copy !req
29. Well, that's intolerant.Copy !req
30. How would you feel if they
said bad things about you?Copy !req
31. That's all they do! I know because...Copy !req
32. I used to be a member.Copy !req
33. It was 15 years ago.Copy !req
34. I was your average, everyday little girl.Copy !req
35. I wanted to please my mother so much.Copy !req
36. She just ignored me and my hankering for
hoo haa untill she couldn't anymore.Copy !req
37. My father and the church members
made a "gay curing" machine.Copy !req
38. They called it "the homo eradicator."Copy !req
39. You like that, sinner? Do you?Copy !req
40. I'll bet Slater from Saved by the
Bell would make you Screech.Copy !req
41. Doesn't Pat Sajak hold your gay back?Copy !req
42. And try romancin' Ted Danson.Copy !req
43. - You had enough?
- No.Copy !req
44. I wanna see how it ends.Copy !req
45. When it didn't work, my
parents disowned me.Copy !req
46. They bought a St. Bernard, named it Connie,Copy !req
47. and photo shopped me out of
all the family pictures.Copy !req
48. I never spoke to them again.Copy !req
49. Man, that's messed up!Copy !req
50. If they wanted a dog named Connie,
they could've just kept you.Copy !req
51. Shut up, idiot.Copy !req
52. Connie, I never knew you'd
been through so much.Copy !req
53. Woody, you can't have that
hate-filled church here.Copy !req
54. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should reconsider
having these hate-mongers at our Park.Copy !req
55. - They paid cash.
- Cha ching!Copy !req
56. Welcome, hate mongers!Copy !req
57. We need to make these
people feel comfortable.Copy !req
58. Time to de-gay the Park!
Connie, put on this dress.Copy !req
59. Yow. That's a tough sell. Here.Copy !req
60. For the next 24 hours, you're
gonna be a straight guyCopy !req
61. named Chester... Beefbottom.Copy !req
62. You don't think I'm a freak, do you?Copy !req
63. Whatever you say.
Just don't stick me in your crotch again.Copy !req
64. Connie? Oh, Sweetie, take that off.Copy !req
65. I cannot believe how insensitive Woody is.Copy !req
66. I already took off the fake one!Copy !req
67. - Ooh! Sorry.
- Thanks for understanding, Ethel.Copy !req
68. - You know I didn't choose to be this way.
- Well, that's up for debate.Copy !req
69. But you are an incredible person.Copy !req
70. You're sweet, you're considerate,
you're beautiful, inside and...Copy !req
71. Well, inside.Copy !req
72. - Oh. I didn't know you felt this way.
- Of course I do. Come here.Copy !req
73. Go for it!Copy !req
74. Connie... no! Oh, God, gross!Copy !req
75. Connie, wait! I didn't mean gross.
I just meant...Copy !req
76. Slightly nauseating.
I just feel a little sick.Copy !req
77. I probably won't vomit!Copy !req
78. Welcome to Brickleberry.
Make yourselves at home.Copy !req
79. Who put that there?Copy !req
80. Woody, here's the remainder of the payment.Copy !req
81. - I hope cash is okay.
- Cash?Copy !req
82. I love cash!Copy !req
83. But not as much as I love vagina.Copy !req
84. Don't you think vagina's much
better than a dude's butthole?Copy !req
85. I do.Copy !req
86. Where are you taking us, Connie?Copy !req
87. Away from everyone.Copy !req
88. Woody's having that stupid church here,
and Ethel thinks I'm slightly nauseating.Copy !req
89. Slightly?Copy !req
90. Hey. No smoking in the Park, mister.Copy !req
91. Uh-oh!Copy !req
92. How am I ever gonna get in here?Copy !req
93. Oh.Copy !req
94. Uh-oh.Copy !req
95. Ooh. They may be ignorant Morons,
but their cash is green.Copy !req
96. Think I'm gonna play golf this
weekend to celebrate the windfall.Copy !req
97. Denzel, do you wanna caddy again?Copy !req
98. He can't. Denzel and I have plans.
We're going to Pez Con!Copy !req
99. - Pez Con?
- Uh, yeah!Copy !req
100. For pez collectors. Like me.Copy !req
101. Will you say that again,
so I can record it?Copy !req
102. Then I'll have something to play
back when I forget why I hate you.Copy !req
103. Denzel, why the hell are you going?
You're not a dork like Steve.Copy !req
104. He's going with me because we're friends.
Something money can't buy.Copy !req
105. You must have forgotten, Steve,
that I always get what I want.Copy !req
106. - Denzel, I'll pay ya double.
- Double? Oh, hell, yeah.Copy !req
107. Come on, Denzel.
I can't go to Pez Con alone.Copy !req
108. The pez heads will think I'm a loser!Copy !req
109. Got it.Copy !req
110. Gays are witty. Gays are clean.Copy !req
111. They are polite, they are good dancers,Copy !req
112. snappy dressers, and raise property values.Copy !req
113. But you got to take my word for it...Copy !req
114. Homosexuals are evil!Copy !req
115. Thank you. There is nothing that
Jesus hates more than a gay...Copy !req
116. Not a murderer, not a
rapist, not even a Jew.Copy !req
117. - But Jesus was a Jew.
- Stone him!Copy !req
118. At ease, soldiers. Just a Park Ranger.Copy !req
119. Sorry about that, Mr... Beefbottom.Copy !req
120. Wow. What is this place?Copy !req
121. You're inside of a top-secret
military research facility.Copy !req
122. - Top secret?
- Yes!Copy !req
123. So you must promise to
keep our secret a secret.Copy !req
124. Pinkie swear!Copy !req
125. Good enough for me.Copy !req
126. The government has been using
Brickleberry as a cover for decades.Copy !req
127. What we do here is develop highly
classified, specialized explosives.Copy !req
128. This bomb gives the enemy low blood sugar.Copy !req
129. Try fighting a war when you're all cranky.Copy !req
130. This one makes your face
look like Bruce Jenner's.Copy !req
131. Usually leads to mass suicide.Copy !req
132. This bomb turns people into dead people.Copy !req
133. Just a regular bomb, really.Copy !req
134. This one's a gay bomb. This one's a...Copy !req
135. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gay bomb?
Tell me about this one.Copy !req
136. It's, uh... top secret.Copy !req
137. - Show the top secret film!
- Are you sure about that?Copy !req
138. Yeah. He did the pinkie swear.Copy !req
139. Top secret Movietone news, your
source for all things classified.Copy !req
140. The Jerries were on the march
to take over all of Europe.Copy !req
141. Uncle Sam's only hope was a secret weaponCopy !req
142. developed using state-of-the-art
homo-nuclear technology...Copy !req
143. The gay bomb.Copy !req
144. Ka-pow. And like that, those
krauts went from sour to sweet.Copy !req
145. The gay bomb...
pride of America, savior to the world!Copy !req
146. This baby turns every person in a 20-mile
radius into an instant homosexual.Copy !req
147. Wow. I never knew there was a gay bomb.Copy !req
148. Well, that's just the slang name.Copy !req
149. The eggheads back in Los Alamos
call it "the sissy missile."Copy !req
150. Hmm.Copy !req
151. Screw it. Set this bitch off.Copy !req
152. What did that hand just say?Copy !req
153. No! Stop that hand!Copy !req
154. Oh, no, you didn't!Copy !req
155. What have you done?Copy !req
156. The shock wave is going to hit all
of those people any minute now!Copy !req
157. He's my friend, and he's
going to Pez Con with me!Copy !req
158. Bullshit! He is a grown man.Copy !req
159. He can make his own decisions.
He's caddying for me.Copy !req
160. Denzel is my man!Copy !req
161. You can have him after I get through
with his brown chocolate ass and balls.Copy !req
162. Wow! This is the utopia I've dreamed of!Copy !req
163. Connie, is that you?Copy !req
164. Uh, Reverend Rusty?Copy !req
165. Oh, talk about an eye
opening moment, you know?Copy !req
166. I can't believe I was all
about hate for so many years.Copy !req
167. I just wanna apologize for
being so rude to you.Copy !req
168. Uh... no problem.Copy !req
169. Would you two cut it out?Copy !req
170. We're late for the Kathy
Griffin show in Tucson.Copy !req
171. All aboard the winky wagon!Copy !req
172. Hiya, Coco.Copy !req
173. Oh, my God, have you
seen my snuggly wuggly?Copy !req
174. - Who, Malloy?
- Mall... ha ha!Copy !req
175. No, miss thing. My boy toy, Denzel.Copy !req
176. Ooh! There he is.Copy !req
177. How do these pants make my ass look?Copy !req
178. - Big?
- Good!Copy !req
179. Conini Panini! There you are.Copy !req
180. Hey, Steve. I love your frosted tips.Copy !req
181. Thank you. What did Woody want?Copy !req
182. - He's looking for Denzel.
- That bitch!Copy !req
183. Ta ta!Copy !req
184. This is awesome!Copy !req
185. What the hell is going on, Connie?Copy !req
186. Woody's acting really weird.
Steve, pretty much the same.Copy !req
187. Well, I found this secret base, I
accidentally set off a gay bomb, and then..Copy !req
188. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I read about that
in highly unlikely bullshit magazine.Copy !req
189. Connie, sorry about earlier.Copy !req
190. I've always liked you a lot as a friend,
but something's different about you.Copy !req
191. Your thighs are so...
your breasts are completely...Copy !req
192. I just wanna bang your frigging brains in.Copy !req
193. Thank you, Jesus!Copy !req
194. Ethel, don't rush it.Copy !req
195. I've dreamed of this moment.Copy !req
196. I wanna do it just right.Copy !req
197. This is like a dream, Connie.Copy !req
198. I know.Copy !req
199. Don't ever wake me up.Copy !req
200. Oh, no!Copy !req
201. Oh, my God... no!Copy !req
202. - What's wrong?
- I'm straight!Copy !req
203. Ten seconds left in triple overtime!
One final play!Copy !req
204. Give me that!
It's The Cupcake Wars season finale.Copy !req
205. - Hey, hey, what are you doing?
- Ugh. I cannot get into sports.Copy !req
206. Change it back.Copy !req
207. And that's it!
The best play in the history of sports!Copy !req
208. What's that, Jim?
Our instant replay machine broke?Copy !req
209. Hmm. Well, it looks like if you missed
that play, you'll never get to see it.Copy !req
210. We now join The Bachelorette
already in progress.Copy !req
211. Yay! Ow!Copy !req
212. You know that's a hate crime.Copy !req
213. Hi, brown sugar.Copy !req
214. - You getting pretty for me?
- Maybe.Copy !req
215. These are for you.Copy !req
216. Oh... my...Copy !req
217. God!Copy !req
218. Wow. You really like roses, huh?Copy !req
219. Oh, Woody, Woody, I love
it, I love it, I love it!Copy !req
220. I can't believe I'm not gay anymore.Copy !req
221. The blast from the bomb
must have done it somehow.Copy !req
222. I wonder if...Copy !req
223. Oh, no. My lesbian strength.Copy !req
224. It's gone! Oh, my heavens.Copy !req
225. I broke a nail.Copy !req
226. Honk, honk. Why'd you run off, sexy?Copy !req
227. You left me high and not-so-dry back there.Copy !req
228. Uh, Ethel, look, I don't know
how to explain this, but...Copy !req
229. I'm just not into you anymore.Copy !req
230. What? You're kidding. You're rejecting me?Copy !req
231. Nobody rejects me. I am (Bleep) hot.Copy !req
232. I'm at least a nine.
You're, what, a four, a five?Copy !req
233. And that's on the goddamn Richter scale!Copy !req
234. Oh. Look, I'm sorry, Ethel.Copy !req
235. You don't understand.
I can be with whoever I want.Copy !req
236. - And I wanna be with you.
- No.Copy !req
237. Oh, your mouth says no,
but your body says...Copy !req
238. No! My body says no too.Copy !req
239. Hmm. Playing hard to get, huh?Copy !req
240. Well, that gets my lady parts
barking like a Jack Russell.Copy !req
241. That big, pasty butt'll
be mine soon enough.Copy !req
242. Oh, I can't believe I'm straight.Copy !req
243. This is a disaster.Copy !req
244. Excuse me, Sir. We're late.Copy !req
245. Do you know where the Jesus
hates homos rally is?Copy !req
246. Mom? Dad?Copy !req
247. Connie?Copy !req
248. Oh, not you, Connie. The bull dyke.Copy !req
249. Your eyes glisten like a star.Copy !req
250. Your skin is brown and
tasty like a Kit Kat bar.Copy !req
251. Yoo-hoo! Denzel!Copy !req
252. Wanna take a ride on a real boat?Copy !req
253. You're not leaving me, are you?Copy !req
254. No, Steve, I'd rather stay
here and listen to your poem.Copy !req
255. - Really?
- Hell, no!Copy !req
256. (Bleep) Your poem.Copy !req
257. Aah!Copy !req
258. Dear, why haven't you
called in all these years?Copy !req
259. You moved and didn't give me the number.Copy !req
260. Right. Well, it's been fun.Copy !req
261. - Let's do it again in 15 years.
- Or 20.Copy !req
262. Wait. Mom, dad, I have
something to tell you.Copy !req
263. - I'm straight!
- Oh!Copy !req
264. Really? Oh, thank God!Copy !req
265. My little girl.
Oh, we've got our daughter back!Copy !req
266. Alan, it may be kind of awkward
having two Connie's around though.Copy !req
267. Way ahead of you.Copy !req
268. Shh, shh...Copy !req
269. Go to sleep, Connie.Copy !req
270. Go to sleep.Copy !req
271. She called me her little girl.Copy !req
272. Mommy's little girl!Copy !req
273. Hello, lover.Copy !req
274. Aah!Copy !req
275. Ethel, stop trying to get
a peek at my baby maker.Copy !req
276. You're gonna ruin everything with my mom.Copy !req
277. Oh, screw that crotch blocker.
That woman had you tortured.Copy !req
278. Things are different now, Ethel.Copy !req
279. She even bought me this body wash.Copy !req
280. No! I like it when you smell
like the floor of a circus.Copy !req
281. - Alan, we have a problem.
- Yeah.Copy !req
282. I can't believe you ruined my game, Woody.Copy !req
283. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
284. I have company coming over later, and
you're shedding all over the house.Copy !req
285. And you left toothpaste in the sink again.Copy !req
286. Toothpaste in the sink?
Last week you got drunkCopy !req
287. and shit down the garbage disposal.Copy !req
288. Well, that was the old me.
Meet the new me, honey.Copy !req
289. I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!Copy !req
290. I'm fine if you turn into a gay guy.Copy !req
291. But only you would turn into the
most annoying gay guy on Earth.Copy !req
292. That was uncalled for,
you heartless bastard!Copy !req
293. And now I suddenly have
sympathy for Katie Holmes.Copy !req
294. My little girl is straight.Copy !req
295. Oh, we're gonna spend
the whole day together.Copy !req
296. I'm so excited, mom.Copy !req
297. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh,
boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!Copy !req
298. Hope I'm not interrupting anything!Copy !req
299. Can't you see we're busy getting busy?Copy !req
300. I'm not speaking to you.Copy !req
301. Denzel, I just wanted to give you this.Copy !req
302. Ooh, arts and crafts!
Oh, turn down the flame a little bit.Copy !req
303. Oh, Steve, I love it.Copy !req
304. Oh, no, you don't! He's mine!Copy !req
305. - Says who?
- Says me!Copy !req
306. Will you two stop it? I like both of you.Copy !req
307. - But he likes me more.
- You shut your big mouth!Copy !req
308. Aah!Copy !req
309. I'll claw your eyes out.Copy !req
310. That's it. I'm done.Copy !req
311. Hey, anybody else got a little stiffy?Copy !req
312. Ethel, I've come to my senses.Copy !req
313. I need your evil lesbian body now.Copy !req
314. Connie?Copy !req
315. That was a weird note, but I...Copy !req
316. No! Hey! What are you doing to me?Copy !req
317. Meet the homo eradicator.Copy !req
318. You know, I never really
liked that name that much.Copy !req
319. I always thought we should call
it "the queer-o-disappear-o."Copy !req
320. - Alan, stop!
- Shh, shh.Copy !req
321. - I was just kidding.
- Go to sleep, Chuck.Copy !req
322. - I like the name, Alan.
- Go to sleep.Copy !req
323. Connie, you look great in your outfit.Copy !req
324. I don't know. It's kinda itchy, mom.Copy !req
325. Well, sometimes having
class is itchy, dear.Copy !req
326. What's the matter?
You haven't touched your crumpets.Copy !req
327. Oh, I was just thinking
about my friend Ethel.Copy !req
328. Oh, that evil lez ho? About her...Copy !req
329. It was supposed to be a surprise,Copy !req
330. but your father is
reprogramming her as we speak!Copy !req
331. No!Copy !req
332. What? You should be happy for that skank.
Look how well this worked on you.Copy !req
333. It doesn't work, mother.
That machine is torture.Copy !req
334. It does work. Look at you now.
You used to be a freak.Copy !req
335. I liked being a freak.
All my life, I just wanted your acceptance.Copy !req
336. But it's not worth it. I gotta be me!Copy !req
337. Now, excuse me while I save my friend.Copy !req
338. I'm taking these.Copy !req
339. And these.Copy !req
340. You gonna eat that pink one?Copy !req
341. Ethel!Copy !req
342. I can't get past those guards
without my lesbian strength.Copy !req
343. Come on, Connie. You must have a
little lesbian left in there.Copy !req
344. Just dig deep.Copy !req
345. Yeah. You're right.Copy !req
346. You bastard! Let her go.Copy !req
347. Let her go!Copy !req
348. That's it, sinner. Let it all out.Copy !req
349. Get your hands off me.Copy !req
350. Those maniacs are gonna torture Ethel to
death, and I'm powerless to stop them.Copy !req
351. That's it!Copy !req
352. I need to reverse the
effects of the gay bomb.Copy !req
353. - Yes, we do.
- Malloy?Copy !req
354. Yes. This is my problem too.Copy !req
355. A gay Woody is hard to swallow.Copy !req
356. Get your mind outta the gutter, Connie.
We need to get to the army base.Copy !req
357. This is exactly what I thought
secret government bases were like.Copy !req
358. Beefbottom! How are you?Copy !req
359. - We need to reverse the...
- What?Copy !req
360. We're hoping that you know a way...Copy !req
361. - What?
- We need the goddamn antidote.Copy !req
362. Oh! Here.Copy !req
363. We only have one dose.Copy !req
364. Hey, who says you get it?
I'm taking this to Woody.Copy !req
365. No, I need it to save Ethel.Copy !req
366. Give me that!Copy !req
367. Oh, look what you did.Copy !req
368. That was my last chance to save Ethel.Copy !req
369. Ha ha ha! I was just (Bleep) with you.Copy !req
370. That wasn't the antidote.
That was a Mai Tai that Bruce made.Copy !req
371. Well, where's the real antidote?Copy !req
372. There isn't one.
The effects wear off in 24 hours, silly.Copy !req
373. What kind of bomb goes away after 24 hours?Copy !req
374. Uh, anything Katherine Heigl's in.Copy !req
375. So the effects should be
wearing off right about...Copy !req
376. What the (Bleep) am I wearing?Copy !req
377. Are you guys feeling straight?Copy !req
378. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
379. Five-second rule?Copy !req
380. Hey! I'm not gay anymore!Copy !req
381. Of course you'd say that.
Crank up the juice!Copy !req
382. Oh, I... I think we're all done here.
Congratulations. You passed.Copy !req
383. Oh, no need to thank us
for fixing your friend.Copy !req
384. You'll have to come over for
Christmas dinner this year.Copy !req
385. Dad, I'm gay again.Copy !req
386. Or not.Copy !req
387. You know what I'm really
regretting right now.Copy !req
388. - Choking our dog to death?
- Yeah.Copy !req
389. Thank you for saving my life, Connie.Copy !req
390. I'm sorry I caused all this trouble, guys.Copy !req
391. Next time, instead of turning everyone gay,Copy !req
392. I'm just gonna sneak into Ethel's
cabin and Chloroform her.Copy !req
393. Wait, what?Copy !req