1. Native American news, your source for
news on and off the reservation.Copy !req
2. How. Bad news today.Copy !req
3. Casino profits down. Liquor prices up.Copy !req
4. Offensive Native American
stereotypes at all-time high.Copy !req
5. - Now for weather.
- Look like sun.Copy !req
6. Make that rain.Copy !req
7. Now, for feel good news,
go to paleface reporter.Copy !req
8. How, Chief. I'm live here at
Yellowstone National Park,Copy !req
9. where a rare white buffalo
was born this morning.Copy !req
10. Tourists are pouring in to
see the adorable animal.Copy !req
11. This is just another
example of why YellowstoneCopy !req
12. is our country's greatest National Park.Copy !req
13. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
14. Hell yeah! (Bleep) Technology!Copy !req
15. Yellowstone! Yellowstone! Humph!Copy !req
16. They've got a cute animal.Copy !req
17. They didn't have 25 campers
die in their Park this month.Copy !req
18. Blah blah blah.Copy !req
19. We shouldn't worry about Yellowstone.
We could just make some improvements.Copy !req
20. Here's one.Copy !req
21. We are done playing second fiddle
to that bastard Yellowstone!Copy !req
22. Aw, Malloy, if you'd only wear
your little birthday present,Copy !req
23. I'll bet tourists would
flock to see you too.Copy !req
24. I bet you'd like to see my tight
ass in that, you creepy pervert.Copy !req
25. Fine. Do you know what we're gonna do?Copy !req
26. Drown a homeless man?Copy !req
27. No, we're gonna find something even more
adorable than their shitty white buffalo.Copy !req
28. We shouldn't exploit animals for monetary
gain just because Yellowstone is.Copy !req
29. I agree with Ethel.Copy !req
30. So, who's gonna find me an animal
these dopey tourists can't resist?Copy !req
31. Not me. I hate animals.Copy !req
32. To be fair, most animals hate black people.Copy !req
33. And Mexicans.Copy !req
34. Ooh, I would like to volunteer
to find the cutest animal ever.Copy !req
35. Shit. Anybody else?Copy !req
36. Anybody?Copy !req
37. Okay, Steve, just don't screw it up.Copy !req
38. Remember when you "volunteered"
at the retirement home?Copy !req
39. I'll show Woody.Copy !req
40. How hard could it be to find a cute animal?Copy !req
41. Let's see.Copy !req
42. Ugly, fat, too ethnic.Copy !req
43. Bingo.Copy !req
44. Excuse me, folks.Copy !req
45. Official Park business.Copy !req
46. - Come here, you rascal.
- Oh!Copy !req
47. Excuse me, excuse me. Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
48. - Sorry, sorry.
- Oh! Get away from me!Copy !req
49. Sorry. Almost got it.Copy !req
50. Got it. Luckily, it got
caught in your panties.Copy !req
51. You folks have a nice day.Copy !req
52. Woody is going to love you.Copy !req
53. This is the most adorable animal ever.Copy !req
54. Aw, look at you.Copy !req
55. - Aah!
- Oh, my God, you are cute!Copy !req
56. Which is cuter? I don't know.Copy !req
57. The tourists loved the squirrel.Copy !req
58. The hiker, God rest her
soul, loved the rabbit.Copy !req
59. If only I could have both. But how?Copy !req
60. That's it! You guys just
need to (Bleep) each other.Copy !req
61. Okay, enough foreplay.Copy !req
62. Yes! Work it! Get in balls deep!Copy !req
63. Pound it! Pump it!Copy !req
64. All right, everybody, listen up.
I have an important announcement.Copy !req
65. This box I hold before you contains
the cutest animal on the planet.Copy !req
66. It's half squirrel, half rabbit.Copy !req
67. I call it the Squabbit.Copy !req
68. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!Copy !req
69. So cute, I can't take my eyes off him.Copy !req
70. Have you ever seen a cuter animal?Copy !req
71. Look at that.
Oh, I just want to cuddle him.Copy !req
72. It's not that cute.
It's got those Taylor Swift teeth.Copy !req
73. How did you get a squirrel
and a rabbit to mate?Copy !req
74. The same way you get laid.
I dressed the squirrel up like a whore.Copy !req
75. - Dumb ass ho!
- Shut your mouth, Denzel.Copy !req
76. Listen, this whole thing
seems very wrong, Steve.Copy !req
77. She's got a point. It's not natural.Copy !req
78. It's like a freak of nature or something.Copy !req
79. Nah, that one's too easy.Copy !req
80. Woody, now I know what
you're thinking, but pleaseCopy !req
81. don't make a spectacle of this poor animal.Copy !req
82. I would never do that.Copy !req
83. Wow, 40 million views.Copy !req
84. The Squabbit is the best
idea I've ever had.Copy !req
85. Well, actually, I kind of had the idea.Copy !req
86. Oh, come on, Steve.
There's this new thing called modesty.Copy !req
87. You should try it sometime.Copy !req
88. Look, I get it.Copy !req
89. You want to be a part of team Squabbit,
well, I've got a special job for you.Copy !req
90. Picking up Squabbit shit.
Oh, it's everywhere. Check under the bed.Copy !req
91. Some of it's mine, but most of it's his.Copy !req
92. Hey, fella, who likes video games?
Here, you can have Malloy's.Copy !req
93. Gotta keep our new star
happy and entertained.Copy !req
94. What's that F.U. To God doing here?Copy !req
95. Who? Oh! He lives here.Copy !req
96. Well, now you have a choice to make,Copy !req
97. because I'm not gonna sleep under
the same roof as that thing.Copy !req
98. Denzel, what the hell are you doing?Copy !req
99. I printed some Squabbit merchandise
to make some extra money.Copy !req
100. You can't sell that stuff!Copy !req
101. The Squabbit is the sole property
of Brickleberry National Park.Copy !req
102. What, you got child support
payments or something?Copy !req
103. Man, that's racist.Copy !req
104. As a matter of fact, I've been saving
up for tickets to the symphony.Copy !req
105. - Really?
- Nah, I'm just messing with you.Copy !req
106. I got child support payments.Copy !req
107. Psst! Come here.Copy !req
108. I'm the cute guy here.Copy !req
109. What the... You won this round, Squabbit.Copy !req
110. Let's see how you handle "baked potato."Copy !req
111. I don't get it.
This worked on Woody's hamster.Copy !req
112. Why won't you die?Copy !req
113. Huh. It was that easy.Copy !req
114. My Squabbit! What did you do?Copy !req
115. You killed my Squabbit!Copy !req
116. I did not mean to kill him that time.Copy !req
117. Get out of my sight!
You're dead to me, bear cub!Copy !req
118. Get out!Copy !req
119. Oh, God.Copy !req
120. My little Squabbit.Copy !req
121. Why?Copy !req
122. Why!Copy !req
123. Answer me, God!Copy !req
124. Why?Copy !req
125. Why do bad things happen to good Squabbits?Copy !req
126. What the... It's a miracle!Copy !req
127. Thanks, Jesus.Copy !req
128. Oh! Baby Squabbits?Copy !req
129. The Lord taketh and then
he giveth a shitload.Copy !req
130. Hallelujah!Copy !req
131. So you woke up and there
were six Squabbits?Copy !req
132. And this all started after Malloy
cut the first one in half?Copy !req
133. - Exactly.
- Where's Malloy?Copy !req
134. Oh, he's like my dead wife.
In the woods somewhere.Copy !req
135. What a rapid gestation period.
It must be their mutant DNA combin...Copy !req
136. Deh-deh-deh! Science!Copy !req
137. Shut up!Copy !req
138. Ethel's right.Copy !req
139. Aren't you concerned about how
fast they're reproducing?Copy !req
140. Yeah, of course you agree
with your girlfriend.Copy !req
141. I'm not concerned at all.
More Squabbits, more tourists.Copy !req
142. Mo tourists, mo money, right, Denzel?Copy !req
143. Where's Denzel?Copy !req
144. All right, which one you want?
I got, "I heart Squabbits,"Copy !req
145. "Squabbitude,"Rasta Squabbits,"
"Squabbit pissin' on a Jesus fish,"Copy !req
146. "Squabbits (Bleep) longer".
What you want? I got it.Copy !req
147. Oh, I'll take that one in white.Copy !req
148. Denzel!Copy !req
149. Oh, shit!Copy !req
150. Yo, be cool. It's my boss man.Copy !req
151. Look, more Squabbits!Copy !req
152. We're gonna need extra crowd
control for tomorrow.Copy !req
153. Uh, that's cool, man.Copy !req
154. Yeah, I was just about to give
these folks a tour of, um...Copy !req
155. That dirt road that's too small for cars.Copy !req
156. You mean the hiking trail?Copy !req
157. Yeah, the hyper-sail. Whatever.Copy !req
158. Okay, get back to work then.Copy !req
159. Ooh, don't worry. I'll take care of that.Copy !req
160. So, let's see, you owe me 10 for
the shirt and 5 for the finger.Copy !req
161. Who needs Woody?
I can make it in the forest.Copy !req
162. I'm a bear!Copy !req
163. Siri, I need to schedule
a hot stone massage.Copy !req
164. Hey there, brother bear.Copy !req
165. Looks like I found myself a new friend.Copy !req
166. New record. Three seconds,
and I already hate you.Copy !req
167. Gosh, are you having a
bad day or something?Copy !req
168. Does a bear shit in the woods?Copy !req
169. Yes, we do.Copy !req
170. I always thought that
was just an expression.Copy !req
171. I hope to God you guys have baby wipes.Copy !req
172. Uh, no.Copy !req
173. So you just use dry toilet paper?Copy !req
174. Now, what the heck is toilet paper?Copy !req
175. You are a nasty bastard.Copy !req
176. Isn't it great? We're charging double
for admission, and they're paying it!Copy !req
177. Stupid suckers!Copy !req
178. Woody, these Squabbits have eaten
nearly all the vegetation in the Park.Copy !req
179. - We have to get...
- Look at this.Copy !req
180. 20 bucks at the gift shop.Copy !req
181. - Oh, man, I sell those for ten.
- Ten?Copy !req
182. Overpopulation of one species
is a problem, Woody.Copy !req
183. Yeah, I know. So is your camel toe.Copy !req
184. I'm standing here with Woody
Johnson, creator of the Squabbit.Copy !req
185. As far as I'm concerned, there
can never be too many Squabbits.Copy !req
186. And I'd like you to make love
to me, right now, on the air.Copy !req
187. Well, all right.Copy !req
188. Oh! What the...Copy !req
189. You are the smartest man on Earth.Copy !req
190. Here's $3 million in pennies.Copy !req
191. And a Nobel Prize.Copy !req
192. I know. I'm great! See, Malloy?Copy !req
193. I was right, you were wrong. Admit it.Copy !req
194. Uh! I'm okay.Copy !req
195. It was just another wet dream.Copy !req
196. Uh! Listen up.Copy !req
197. We've got too many goddamn Squabbits!Copy !req
198. The tourists can't even get in the gates.Copy !req
199. Damn you, Steve, this was
all your stupid idea!Copy !req
200. Thank you. It's about time
I got a little credit.Copy !req
201. I am declaring open season on Squabbits!Copy !req
202. I want every poacher in the state here
to shoot, stab, run over, decapitate,Copy !req
203. eat, kick, or fist those little bastards.Copy !req
204. Or we could just relocate them.Copy !req
205. We're gonna relocate 'em, all right.Copy !req
206. To hell!Copy !req
207. Everybody grab some ammo.
It's killing time!Copy !req
208. Pssh, I'm great at killing time. Hee hee.Copy !req
209. - No, you can't just kill them.
- Yeah, Woody.Copy !req
210. Spoken like a couple of
dopey liberal broads.Copy !req
211. I don't know what bleeds more...
Your hearts or your parts.Copy !req
212. We have to stop that maniac.Copy !req
213. How? He doesn't like to be
bothered during killing time.Copy !req
214. Are you sure that's a good idea?Copy !req
215. I mean, it's your idea, so it...
It's gotta be good.Copy !req
216. - You're pretty.
- What?Copy !req
217. I want to wear your ass like a fake beard.Copy !req
218. - What?
- Uh, nothing.Copy !req
219. Who's ready for dinner?Copy !req
220. No way! Honey!Copy !req
221. Guys, I'm allergic to bees, and
I didn't bring my Epi-pen.Copy !req
222. Yummy to my bear tummy!Copy !req
223. You're having honey for dinner?Copy !req
224. It's a goddamn condiment!Copy !req
225. Wow, these things are hard to kill.Copy !req
226. We'll see about that.Copy !req
227. - Stop in the name of pita!
- Oh, great, pita.Copy !req
228. - Peta?
- No, pita with an "I."Copy !req
229. It's a completely different organization.Copy !req
230. I don't know what you heard, but we
haven't harmed a single Squabbit.Copy !req
231. What, you like the duds?Copy !req
232. I'll give you a good deal on one.Copy !req
233. I knew it! We forbid you from
harming one more Squabbit!Copy !req
234. And who's gonna stop us?Copy !req
235. You and a bunch of picketing
pita pussies? Puhh!Copy !req
236. Commence operation... Squabbit Storm.Copy !req
237. You have a whole army?Copy !req
238. What do you think we spend our money on?
Starving children? That would be a waste.Copy !req
239. Now, just stay cool.Copy !req
240. Nobody's gonna hurt any animals here.Copy !req
241. Whew! It was just a cockroach.Copy !req
242. No!Copy !req
243. Wait. Who the hell was that guy?Copy !req
244. You have sinned against the animal
kingdom, an act punishable by death.Copy !req
245. We're Park rangers. Everything we do
at this Park is to keep animals safe.Copy !req
246. Yeah! Get him! Bite that mother(Bleep)!Copy !req
247. Woo! I won! Give me my goddamn money.Copy !req
248. This isn't that bad. What is this?Copy !req
249. A beaver's asshole.Copy !req
250. This is a low point.Copy !req
251. Wow, thank you. You saved my life.
I do not know how I could repa...Copy !req
252. Hold on.Copy !req
253. O-m-f-g. I miss u. Emoticon sad face.Copy !req
254. I never r-o-t-f-l-m-f-a-o anymore.Copy !req
255. I less-than sign three you.Copy !req
256. If you want to make out,
I'm gay if you are.Copy !req
257. No! I mean, if you want to
make up, I'm game if you are.Copy !req
258. Goddamn auto correct!Copy !req
259. Okay, you lowlife humans!Copy !req
260. Prepare to meet your demise in
the most unethical way possible.Copy !req
261. Death by cosmetic testing!Copy !req
262. What are you gonna do, put makeup on us?Copy !req
263. - Oh, my God!
- That was horrible!Copy !req
264. Everything's fuzzy. Can you see?
I can't feel my lips.Copy !req
265. Oh, it stings. Oh.Copy !req
266. I didn't think it was that bad.Copy !req
267. They shoved lipstick up
my goddamn dick hole!Copy !req
268. Me too. Normally I have
to pay 50 bucks for that.Copy !req
269. All right, it's time to finish you off.Copy !req
270. I am honored to die to give you sustenance.Copy !req
271. I still love you.Copy !req
272. - Now it's our chance to get out of here!
- Anyone know how to pick a lock?Copy !req
273. Allow me.Copy !req
274. We'll be safe up here.
Those stupid Squabbits can't climb.Copy !req
275. What are they doing?Copy !req
276. Learning.Copy !req
277. - Screw it.
- Connie, what are you doing?Copy !req
278. I thought you loved
animals as much as I do!Copy !req
279. Uh, not really.Copy !req
280. I thought it would make you go down on me.Copy !req
281. Uh, I mean, like me.
We can talk about it later.Copy !req
282. It didn't kill them!
It didn't kill a single one of them!Copy !req
283. They're impenetrable from the outside.Copy !req
284. Maybe we need to attack
them from the inside.Copy !req
285. Like feeding them poisoned food.Copy !req
286. They ain't touching those dead bodies.
They only eat living things, like us.Copy !req
287. Where are we gonna find a
living thing so toxic,Copy !req
288. so vile, so afflicted by a disease,Copy !req
289. that it could wipe out
an entire population?Copy !req
290. Hello! Sorry I'm late, guys.Copy !req
291. - Pamela Anderson?
- Jackpot!Copy !req
292. What's that skinny old man
with the tit job doing here?Copy !req
293. Winnie the Pooh never had
to deal with this bullshit.Copy !req
294. You can do this. You're a bear.Copy !req
295. Just remember what those jamboree
bumpkins taught you out in the woods.Copy !req
296. Grrr-owwwwwl.Copy !req
297. Okay, who ordered the hot stone massage?Copy !req
298. Thank you, Siri.Copy !req
299. That will be $80.Copy !req
300. So, how are we gonna trick her into
feeding herself to the Squabbits?Copy !req
301. Can we get through one emergency where
you guys don't put on a drag show?Copy !req
302. Malloy! Oh, sweet Dick Eisenhower!Copy !req
303. Thank God you're here, little buddy.Copy !req
304. Okay, I'm ignoring Ziggy Stardust.Copy !req
305. Somebody else want to
tell me what's going on?Copy !req
306. I know it's crazy, but hear me out.
We have to kill Pam Anderson because...Copy !req
307. I'm in.Copy !req
308. Okay, we know she's
infatuated with cute animals,Copy !req
309. but in order for this to work, we
need something extraordinarily cute.Copy !req
310. I've got an idea.Copy !req
311. So cute!Copy !req
312. Need to hug.Copy !req
313. Oh, Malloy, you did it!Copy !req
314. Yeah, we can't forget to thank Steve,Copy !req
315. the fat moron who made these
things in the first place.Copy !req
316. Steve, o-m-f-g!Copy !req
317. Congratulations, rangers.
Killin' time was a huge success.Copy !req
318. All the Squabbits are dead.Copy !req
319. Well, too bad we don't have an
animal to attract tourists anymore.Copy !req
320. Don't worry, Woody.
I've created a much safer animal.Copy !req
321. I give you the wolverinigator.Copy !req
322. - Don't move!Copy !req
323. He smells fear!Copy !req