1. Subs created by: David Coleman.Copy !req
2. Okay, boys, we've got a really large
group today, so please stay together.Copy !req
3. Oh, Steve, thank goodness.Copy !req
4. I need you to help me lead these
kids down The Rock Eagle Trail.Copy !req
5. I'm having a hard time
keeping up with them myself.Copy !req
6. I wish that I could, but I'm busy.Copy !req
7. Doing what?Copy !req
8. Updating my status.Copy !req
9. "Had a hot dog for lunch.Copy !req
10. Any spicy mustard fans out there?"Copy !req
11. Uh... Lucas, no!Copy !req
12. Stay with the group.Copy !req
13. Come on, Steve, I really
need some help here.Copy !req
14. This light is perfect.Copy !req
15. And, I need a new profile photo.Copy !req
16. Here, take it for me.Copy !req
17. Please stay with the group.Copy !req
18. Loving my hair today.Copy !req
19. Ugh. Steve, do you ever think
about anybody but yourself?Copy !req
20. You are the most self-centered
man on the planet.Copy !req
21. Go on. What else about Steve
do you find fascinating?Copy !req
22. Ugh. Not only do I not
find you fascinating,Copy !req
23. but I doubt there is a single
woman alive that would.Copy !req
24. For your information, Denzel and I
are doing speed dating tonight.Copy !req
25. - I bet I'll score.
- There is no way that you're...Copy !req
26. Oh, God!Copy !req
27. Come on, kids. Up into the ferris wheel.Copy !req
28. There's room for everybody.Copy !req
29. Hey! It happened to me, and
I turned out all right.Copy !req
30. Brickleberry...Copy !req
31. So the North Koreans grabbed me,
and smuggled me across the border.Copy !req
32. I had to spend nine months
in a hard labor camp,Copy !req
33. while former President
Carter negotiated my...Copy !req
34. I'm sorry, did you say something?Copy !req
35. I was just making a list of people
who could play me in a movie.Copy !req
36. I'm a... Kind of a cross
between Clooney and Pitt.Copy !req
37. You might say I'm a "Clitt."Copy !req
38. So...Copy !req
39. Are we gonna get it on, or what?Copy !req
40. - Denzel.
- What's with these women?Copy !req
41. Man, you the problem.
You don't listen to 'em.Copy !req
42. Now, you know me.
I like my women like spoiled milk...Copy !req
43. White, and past the expiration date.Copy !req
44. Watch and learn.Copy !req
45. So he calls and he says,
"grandma, I got accepted."Copy !req
46. Oh, my goodness, you're
telling me your grandsonCopy !req
47. got into Tulane on a full scholarship?Copy !req
48. Mazel tov.Copy !req
49. Now, how about we go back to your place
and knock the dust off that poontang?Copy !req
50. Ooh! Thought you'd never ask.Copy !req
51. It's just like Shakespeare said...Copy !req
52. "If you yak about you,
your sack will turn blue.Copy !req
53. But if you watch and listen,
her crotch will glisten."Copy !req
54. - William Shakespeare said that?
- Who?Copy !req
55. Nah. My boy Jamarcus Shakespeare.Copy !req
56. Ran a chop shop in Detroit.Copy !req
57. Brother pulled more hos
than a Fire Department.Copy !req
58. Ethel and Denzel don't know
what they're talking about.Copy !req
59. I'm not self-centered. Am I?Copy !req
60. No. Don't even say that.Copy !req
61. You're amazing!Copy !req
62. Thank you. Finally, someone who
makes a little sense around here.Copy !req
63. I appreciate how amazing you are.Copy !req
64. Why don't you tell me everything
there is to know about you?Copy !req
65. Me? My favorite subject.Copy !req
66. My earliest memory was being the
fastest sperm in the balls.Copy !req
67. Mmm. Nyum, nyum, nyum, nyum.Copy !req
68. Mmm, nyum, yum, yum, yum.Copy !req
69. Well, if it ain't the house bear.Copy !req
70. Where you going, you spoiled little pussy?Copy !req
71. Inside, where I live.Copy !req
72. You guys have fun digging
through the garbage, though.Copy !req
73. Ooh, I forgot, we put rocks on the lids.
Tough break, guys.Copy !req
74. - Yo, gimme those.
- Hey, those are mine!Copy !req
75. Okay, okay, you win.Copy !req
76. Tell you what.Copy !req
77. I'll bring you some food from
inside, just wait right here.Copy !req
78. Malloy, what are you doing?Copy !req
79. Getting a gun.Copy !req
80. What have I told you about guns?Copy !req
81. To scratch the serial number
off before you murder someone.Copy !req
82. No.Copy !req
83. Only rangers can carry guns
inside of a National Park.Copy !req
84. That rule sucks.Copy !req
85. I just need to command a
little respect around here.Copy !req
86. Trust me, I don't need
a gun to get respect.Copy !req
87. What's up, you fat old mother...Copy !req
88. Handsome, strong...Copy !req
89. Stupid, ignorant-ass...Copy !req
90. All-around nice guy.Copy !req
91. All right, maybe you've got a point.Copy !req
92. So then, we get to her place
and start going at it.Copy !req
93. Everything is getting hot and heavy.Copy !req
94. She smells like menthol
rubs and female excitement,Copy !req
95. when all of a sudden the parlor door opens.Copy !req
96. - Mom...
- You got a mom?Copy !req
97. You go to your room at once, young lady!Copy !req
98. Cock blocked by a 90-year-old.
Ain't that some shit?Copy !req
99. I am really sorry I asked about that.Copy !req
100. Yeah!Copy !req
101. I will have you know that
my self-centered assCopy !req
102. just scored with the hottest,
sexiest woman in the whole world!Copy !req
103. I don't believe it.Copy !req
104. And, she only wanted to talk about me.Copy !req
105. She didn't waste my time talking about her.Copy !req
106. Oh, yeah, and we had the
wildest sex you could imagine.Copy !req
107. It wasn't until it was all over that she
finally asked for something for herself.Copy !req
108. - What was that?
- Five hundred dollars.Copy !req
109. I'm assuming it was for cab fare.Copy !req
110. And I'm assuming the cab had to
take her to a different state.Copy !req
111. I'm assuming, Mexico.Copy !req
112. Steve, I think that woman was a...Copy !req
113. How should I put this?Copy !req
114. That bitch was a ho!Copy !req
115. Don't talk about Lady Tanqueray like that!Copy !req
116. Besides, if she was a prostitute,
why didn't I wear a condom?Copy !req
117. Right?Copy !req
118. Steve, how many times have I warned you
about taking part in high-risk behaviors?Copy !req
119. Oh, my God.Copy !req
120. Someone just left this laying here?Copy !req
121. Well, it is cold and flu season.Copy !req
122. Is that corned beef?Copy !req
123. I'll give you three bucks
for a bite of that.Copy !req
124. Who wants to become blood brothers?Copy !req
125. All of you? Okay!Copy !req
126. Frankly, it's a statistical miracle
that you haven't gotten sick yet...Copy !req
127. See?Copy !req
128. - Until now.
- What?Copy !req
129. Steve, medicine doesn't have words to
describe how horrific your illness is.Copy !req
130. I've never seen it before, but...Copy !req
131. Well, try to imagine if syphilis did it
with cancer and got full-blown aids.Copy !req
132. Can-a-syphil-aids?Copy !req
133. Yes, can-a-syphil-aids.Copy !req
134. That has a nice ring to it, Steve.Copy !req
135. The good news is, you'll
only be sick for two weeks.Copy !req
136. Yes!Copy !req
137. Because after that you'll be dead.Copy !req
138. Oh, my God, Steve.Copy !req
139. This is horrible news.Copy !req
140. Feels like someone's ripped my
heart straight out of my chest.Copy !req
141. Don't worry, Woody. It'll be okay.Copy !req
142. No, it won't!Copy !req
143. Do you know how much of a hassle it is to
hire a new ranger, you stupid dying idiot?Copy !req
144. Malloy, what are you doing?Copy !req
145. Just practicing the jig I'm
going to do on Steve's grave.Copy !req
146. Can you believe my luck?
That moron's dying.Copy !req
147. Now make me the new ranger
and give me my gun.Copy !req
148. A bear ranger? What's next?Copy !req
149. Forgiving your dad for making you wearCopy !req
150. panties and a padded bra just
because he missed his dead wife?Copy !req
151. I'm not mom, dad!Copy !req
152. She's gone!Copy !req
153. Steve, I can't believe that you're dying.Copy !req
154. Yeah, Steve. I'm sad.Copy !req
155. Don't be so sad, guys.Copy !req
156. In two weeks, I'll be in heaven.Copy !req
157. What? You guys don't think
I'm going to heaven?Copy !req
158. Uh, no.Copy !req
159. My son, in order to get to heaven you need
to accept Jesus Christ into your heartCopy !req
160. as your personal Lord and savior.Copy !req
161. Done. I (Bleeping) Love him. What else?Copy !req
162. You need to do nice things for people.Copy !req
163. On it. I just bought myself an iPad 3Copy !req
164. and an all-access pass to a
website called PubeTube...Copy !req
165. Steven, I mean good deeds for other people.Copy !req
166. Oh.Copy !req
167. Uh, hypothetically, what if I've
never helped another person... Ever?Copy !req
168. Then you'll burn in hell for all eternity.Copy !req
169. I can't spend nine months in hell!Copy !req
170. That's maternity, Steven.Copy !req
171. Eternity is forever.Copy !req
172. Oh, no! You gotta get me out of this!Copy !req
173. Please!Copy !req
174. There's still time, son.Copy !req
175. Just go out there and help others.Copy !req
176. Ethel. She does good stuff.Copy !req
177. She even started a camp for blind kids.Copy !req
178. Good! Do what she does.Copy !req
179. Oh, she'll help you get into heaven.Copy !req
180. Wait. Wouldn't it be better if I just
followed you around? You're a priest.Copy !req
181. Too busy, Steven. I've got this other gigCopy !req
182. where I dress as a clown.Copy !req
183. I need to ask you something important.Copy !req
184. Steve, I told you, the juice
boxes are for the campers.Copy !req
185. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness.Copy !req
186. I'm sorry for being so self-centered,
and I want to help you do good deeds.Copy !req
187. I'm a brand-new Steve, who just
wants to help other people.Copy !req
188. Like this one.Copy !req
189. You shouldn't be playing with sticks.
You could put your eye out.Copy !req
190. Steve, if you want, you
can read to the kids.Copy !req
191. Come on, kids. Story time!Copy !req
192. Hello?Copy !req
193. Hello, this is Dr. Kuzniak.Copy !req
194. I have some very important
information for Steve.Copy !req
195. Can you tell him that he's not dying?Copy !req
196. It turns out I accidentally mixed up his
blood sample with another patient's.Copy !req
197. In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the holy...Copy !req
198. Steve, the doctor called!
He has important news for you!Copy !req
199. Page 43. We're into the
lace corset section.Copy !req
200. It's the same chick from page 12,
but you can see her jugs better.Copy !req
201. Oh, Steve. It's like you've
helped the blind to see.Copy !req
202. Now, what was that doctor's big news?Copy !req
203. Um... Just that you're still dying.Copy !req
204. So I'm supposed to believe that he called
me, just to tell me I'm still dying?Copy !req
205. Oh.Copy !req
206. Man, that doctor's a (Bleeping) asshole.Copy !req
207. Kids, this is the last day
being blind is going toCopy !req
208. prevent you from doing anything you want.Copy !req
209. Draw...Copy !req
210. Release!Copy !req
211. How'd we do?Copy !req
212. Ethel. I've spent the whole
day showing blind kidsCopy !req
213. that they can do anything
non-crippled kids can.Copy !req
214. That's wonderful, Steve.Copy !req
215. Wow. It's amazing how much this
dying thing has changed Steve.Copy !req
216. I know, right? He's actually
kind of pleasant to be around.Copy !req
217. Which is why I...
Connie, can I tell you something?Copy !req
218. Steve isn't really dying.Copy !req
219. The doctor called.
It turns out he isn't even sick at all.Copy !req
220. That's great news! Let's tell him.Copy !req
221. Would it be horrible if
we hold off telling him?Copy !req
222. You know, maybe ride the "nice
Steve" wave a little bit longer?Copy !req
223. Ethel, that's really selfish of you.Copy !req
224. Well, I'm sorry you feel that way,
but it's for the good of the kids.Copy !req
225. Now who's having fun?Copy !req
226. What's going on in here?Copy !req
227. Oh, I'm interviewing for our next ranger.Copy !req
228. Just hire me, and let's be done with this.Copy !req
229. Daddy's busy, honey.
Why don't you go outside and play?Copy !req
230. - No, I'm good.
- Suit yourself. Next!Copy !req
231. Good afternoon. Welcome...Copy !req
232. Eh! I'm gonna stop you right there.Copy !req
233. What's the company policy on angel dust?Copy !req
234. It's illegal in the park, and in
these United States of America.Copy !req
235. Well, shit! I'm back in the States?
Since when?Copy !req
236. Man, you know what can really
make you forget where you are?Copy !req
237. Angel dust.Copy !req
238. By the way, can you advance me 20
bucks to score some angel dust?Copy !req
239. - Next!
- Man, I love angel dust.Copy !req
240. - Next!
- I can only ejaculateCopy !req
241. - by setting things on fire.
- Next!Copy !req
242. - I like lollipops.
- Next!Copy !req
243. I want this job because I like animals.Copy !req
244. No, I love animals.Copy !req
245. Some people say I love animals too
much, you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
246. Next!Copy !req
247. And, I'm a certified lifeguard.Copy !req
248. Well, I'm impressed.Copy !req
249. Well, everything looks good.Copy !req
250. - He's Canadian.
- What?Copy !req
251. Get out of my office, you disgusting freak!Copy !req
252. That is what you get when you
put an ad in a newspaper.Copy !req
253. Stupid dying medium.Copy !req
254. Malloy, can you help me
post an ad on the InternetCopy !req
255. that doesn't attract a
bunch of wacko nut jobs?Copy !req
256. Oh, I think I can help you with that.Copy !req
257. - Hello?
- It's Denzel.Copy !req
258. Oh, right. The colored kid.Copy !req
259. Oh, well, Myrtle isn't here right now...Copy !req
260. Oh, I didn't call to talk to Myrtle.Copy !req
261. I called to talk to you, baby.Copy !req
262. Oh, I see.Copy !req
263. Agnes, I think you fine as hell.
I like mature women.Copy !req
264. Myrtle's just too young and naive for me.Copy !req
265. Oh, Denzel, stop it.Copy !req
266. You're embarrassing me.Copy !req
267. So, uh, what are you wearing right now?Copy !req
268. A polyester housecoat and gown. Why?Copy !req
269. No, I mean under that.Copy !req
270. Oh... Well, a brassiere and a girdle.Copy !req
271. No, baby. I mean under that.Copy !req
272. A diaper.Copy !req
273. Now, that's nasty.Copy !req
274. Thanks for the best week of my life, Steve.Copy !req
275. Don't cry, Frankie.
We'll see each other soon.Copy !req
276. Well, I'll see you soon.
Oh, wait. I'll be dead.Copy !req
277. Steve, you have been so amazing.Copy !req
278. And... Look, I'll be honest.Copy !req
279. You always disgusted me.
I found you repulsive.Copy !req
280. You know, like when fat people kiss.
But you've changed.Copy !req
281. You now seem so...Copy !req
282. Sweet and compassionate.Copy !req
283. And now that we're alone...Copy !req
284. Ethel, as much as I'd love to dip
my diseased donk in your bonk,Copy !req
285. I need to find some more good deeds
to do or I'm gonna burn in hell!Copy !req
286. Please stop dragging me across the street.Copy !req
287. Three more times and I'll let you go.Copy !req
288. At least let me use my wheelchair.Copy !req
289. No time!Copy !req
290. Come on, kitty. Jump.Copy !req
291. "Craigslist." Now what?Copy !req
292. Okay, first things first.Copy !req
293. You don't want to hire a child, so
click on the "adults only" section.Copy !req
294. "Adults only." Good thinking.Copy !req
295. Now we don't need another
female ranger, right?Copy !req
296. - Hell, no!
- And you're a man, of course.Copy !req
297. So go ahead and click "men seeking men."Copy !req
298. Wow, this is easier than I thought.Copy !req
299. Hey, Steve. What are you doing?Copy !req
300. I'm doing good deeds for the rangers.Copy !req
301. The ones I tried to do in town didn't work
out so well, and I'm running out of time.Copy !req
302. - Can we talk for a second?
- Not now.Copy !req
303. Denzel asked me to swallow these
condoms and drive to Mexico.Copy !req
304. But first, I promised Connie a spa day.Copy !req
305. Steve! I need another mimosa.Copy !req
306. Listen, Connie.
What you said before about telling Steve?Copy !req
307. I agree with you now.
It's time I told him the truth.Copy !req
308. No way. This is great.Copy !req
309. I've never been so pampered in my life.Copy !req
310. You are taking advantage of him.
It's not right.Copy !req
311. I'm gonna tell him right... Oh!Copy !req
312. If you ruin this, I will break you.Copy !req
313. Your ad said you need a man who is
willing to submit to your authority?Copy !req
314. Yes, Sir. And I'm gonna
work you long and hard.Copy !req
315. I'm willing to get down
on my hands and kneesCopy !req
316. and do whatever it takes to satisfy you.Copy !req
317. See, Malloy?
That's what you call commitment.Copy !req
318. If you say so.Copy !req
319. I want you to shove your fist up
my ass and work me like a puppet.Copy !req
320. Well, if that's code for having a good
work ethic, let me go get the paperwork.Copy !req
321. Whoa! What the (Bleep)?Copy !req
322. So, Steve, I was thinking.
You're about to die a horrible death.Copy !req
323. Condolences. Anyhow, I was wondering
if you could do me a small favor.Copy !req
324. Sure, I'll help you.Copy !req
325. Hear that, God? I'm helping an animal.Copy !req
326. Just tell Woody that your dying
wish is for me to have your job.Copy !req
327. God put three types of animals on Earth.Copy !req
328. One type to eat, one type
to ride, and whales.Copy !req
329. So sayeth the Lord.Copy !req
330. Would you stop it with all this God crap?Copy !req
331. You blasphemer!Copy !req
332. Steve, I know that you're dumb,
but try to listen closely.Copy !req
333. - There is no God.
- What?Copy !req
334. If there were a God, how do you
explain hunger, suffering, and war?Copy !req
335. You know, Africa.Copy !req
336. I'll ask God next week when I'm in heaven.Copy !req
337. Now if you'll excuse me, I need
to give Connie a Brazilian.Copy !req
338. I'm ready.Copy !req
339. You're right! There is no God!Copy !req
340. Steve?Copy !req
341. Damn it!Copy !req
342. Come back here, chipyunk!Copy !req
343. Fight like a man!Copy !req
344. Hey, Steve! Stop it!Copy !req
345. Why? There is no God.Copy !req
346. What's the difference?Copy !req
347. The difference is you're not dying.Copy !req
348. The doctor called last week and told me.Copy !req
349. I just didn't tell you because I...
I really...Copy !req
350. I really like the new Steve.Copy !req
351. Bullshit! You're just lying to me
so I don't blow Bambi's brains out.Copy !req
352. Wait, Steve! Okay! Okay! Okay.Copy !req
353. Su... Suppose you are dying.Copy !req
354. Is this really how you want
to spend your last few days?Copy !req
355. You know what? You're right.Copy !req
356. - I'm wasting precious time.
- Thank you.Copy !req
357. There's way more messed up
shit I've always wanted to do!Copy !req
358. Really?Copy !req
359. Angel dust!Copy !req
360. Mother? I need to speak
to you about Denzel.Copy !req
361. You can't tell me who to date.Copy !req
362. Myrtle! I thought you had
a dialysis appointment.Copy !req
363. How could you, mother?
You're going down, bitch!Copy !req
364. I just did, on the colored kid.Copy !req
365. And it was heavenly.Copy !req
366. Huuh-ya!Copy !req
367. Oof! Ow!Copy !req
368. Myrtle, no! No!Copy !req
369. Oh, man.Copy !req
370. Get your hands off me. He's mine.Copy !req
371. Oh, shit!Copy !req
372. I never loved you.Copy !req
373. Ladies, ladies, calm down!Copy !req
374. I know how we can work this out.Copy !req
375. Man, y'all are freaks.Copy !req
376. I bet you ain't smiled like that
since you got the right to vote.Copy !req
377. Right, girl?Copy !req
378. Uh-oh.Copy !req
379. Uh, Myrtle, I think your mama dead.Copy !req
380. Myrtle?Copy !req
381. God damn it.Copy !req
382. Let's be honest, we all
took advantage of Steve.Copy !req
383. We preyed on his insecurities, and we
didn't tell him that he's not dying.Copy !req
384. Wait, Steve's not really dying?Copy !req
385. Damn, you colder than those two
dead women I just had sex with.Copy !req
386. Uh, I mean, uh... How can we help Steve?Copy !req
387. Steve, it's me.Copy !req
388. God.Copy !req
389. You can't be God. You're black.Copy !req
390. Yeah, I'm black. What's wrong with that?Copy !req
391. Uh... Nothing.Copy !req
392. That's right, mother (Bleeper).
If I wasn't God, could I do this?Copy !req
393. You are God.
I'm sorry I lost my faith, God.Copy !req
394. I've done bad things. And in three days,
I'll be going straight to hell, huh?Copy !req
395. Yeah, that's what you deserve,
but I'm here to heal your shit.Copy !req
396. Behold the power of God.Copy !req
397. You're healed.Copy !req
398. Thank you, God.Copy !req
399. I... Don't feel any different.Copy !req
400. - Trust me, you're fine.
- How can I ever repay you?Copy !req
401. Okay, you know your friend Denzel?Copy !req
402. If the cops ask you where
he was at last nightCopy !req
403. between 7:00 and 8:30,
you say he was with youCopy !req
404. playing Wii bowling or
some shit at your crib.Copy !req
405. Now I gots to bounce.Copy !req
406. Wait! I need to ask you something.Copy !req
407. I can't hold this much longer.Copy !req
408. What, my son? Make it quick.Copy !req
409. Will you give me super-strong robot arms?Copy !req
410. - No.
- Regular strength robot arms?Copy !req
411. No! No robot arms!Copy !req
412. - Just the hands?
- Hell, no.Copy !req
413. - Fair enough, God.
- All right, I'm out.Copy !req
414. Oh, my God. It's all a sham!Copy !req
415. Steve? Now be cool, man.
We just trying to help.Copy !req
416. A fake beard, God? You have a fake beard?Copy !req
417. Why do you mislead us all?Copy !req
418. Damn, you stupid.Copy !req
419. Well, Malloy, turns out you were
the best candidate after all.Copy !req
420. And I know that you will
make your daddy proud.Copy !req
421. And, now that you are an official park
ranger, you're authorized to carry this.Copy !req
422. Please use it responsibly.Copy !req
423. Of course.Copy !req
424. Hey, look. It's the house bear.Copy !req
425. Look at that uniform!Copy !req
426. I quit.Copy !req
427. Hey, everybody, good news!Copy !req
428. I'm not dying anymore!Copy !req
429. Now, Woody, I would like my job back.Copy !req
430. I plan on being around for a long time.Copy !req
431. That is good news. Because your so-called
replacement over here just quit!Copy !req
432. I knew you weren't responsible
enough to respect a gun.Copy !req
433. These things aren't toys, Malloy!Copy !req
434. "Look at me, I've got a big gun!
Doe, tee-doe, tee-doe, tee-doe!"Copy !req
435. Whoopsie.Copy !req
436. As if I didn't have enough bullshit,
now I've got blood on my wall!Copy !req
437. Congratulations, Steven.Copy !req
438. I'm glad to tell you you
just squeaked into heaven.Copy !req
439. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
440. I am God, my son.Copy !req
441. Welcome to my glorious kingdom.Copy !req
442. This man is a fraud!Copy !req
443. Everyone knows God is black!Copy !req
444. You goddamn God impostor!Copy !req
445. That does it. You just bought
yourself a one-way ticket to hell.Copy !req
446. Yup. Makes sense.Copy !req
447. Sync & corrections by P2Pfiend.
Www.Addic7ed.Com.Copy !req