1. Subs created by: David Coleman.Copy !req
2. Have you ever seen a more beautiful sight?Copy !req
3. No, I haven't.Copy !req
4. I bet it smells like Strawberry Shortcake.Copy !req
5. Mmm.Copy !req
6. The majestic Philadelphia Eagle.Copy !req
7. They're almost extinct, because...Copy !req
8. Molloy! What are you doing?Copy !req
9. Ooh, I'm sorry, "timber".Copy !req
10. You may have just wiped
out an entire species!Copy !req
11. You can't just cut down trees
inside of a national...Copy !req
12. Whoa. Smells more like
strawberry shit-cake.Copy !req
13. Brickleberry 1x10
The Dam Show
Original Air Date on December 04, 2012Copy !req
14. Brickleberry!Copy !req
15. All right, rangers. I've got exciting news.Copy !req
16. Oh, let me guess!Copy !req
17. Judge Judy is here, and she
buck-ass naked and horny as hell!Copy !req
18. No. Today's my birthday.Copy !req
19. And tonight's my annual
blow-out party in honor of me!Copy !req
20. There will be cake, ice cream, and hookers.Copy !req
21. Just like my childhood parties.Copy !req
22. Molloy, you worthless son of a bitch!Copy !req
23. Hmm, can you speak up? I cunt hear you.Copy !req
24. You made the mother eagle fly off, and
these eggs are completely cracked.Copy !req
25. Luckily, Connie had duct tape on her.Copy !req
26. Come to think of it, why did you
bring duct tape into the forest?Copy !req
27. No reason.Copy !req
28. Those trees had to go to make
room for Woody's birthday party.Copy !req
29. Malloy here is planning the whole thing.Copy !req
30. You are jeopardizing an endangered
species for your stupid birthday party?Copy !req
31. Hey! All the great leaders throw
themselves extravagant parties.Copy !req
32. Hussein, Gaddafi, Kim Jong-il, we all
took a page from Hitler's playbook.Copy !req
33. "Self-aggrandizement is how
we reinforce our dominance".Copy !req
34. Steve, kiss my ass!Copy !req
35. Gladly. Happy Birthday, Sir.Copy !req
36. Mwah!Copy !req
37. Di... I didn't mean literally!Copy !req
38. Ah-ah... but I also didn't say "stop".Copy !req
39. - Mwah!
- Ugh, that is so degrading.Copy !req
40. Of course it's degrading,
it keeps people in line.Copy !req
41. Connie! Wish me Happy Birthday
while you choke yourself!Copy !req
42. Happy Birthday, Woody.Copy !req
43. - Denzel, you're next.
- Suck my, mother.Copy !req
44. See, that's...
that's black for "Happy Birthday".Copy !req
45. I don't care how many people wish you
Happy Birthday, none of them mean it.Copy !req
46. Well, lucky for me, I don't give a shit.
I'd rather be feared than loved.Copy !req
47. Well, I don't fear you or love you.
Come on, eggs, let's get out of here.Copy !req
48. It keeps them warm!Copy !req
49. Huh. I always thought
witches' tits were cold.Copy !req
50. I need some fireworks for a birthday party,
and I heard you were the best around.Copy !req
51. Huh? What?Copy !req
52. Yeah, 20 years in the business
and not one accident!Copy !req
53. - You know why?
- Hmm, I'm as stumped as you are.Copy !req
54. What? Because I'm all about safety!Copy !req
55. So what you need, huh?Copy !req
56. I got bottle rockets, jumping
jacks, m-80s, cocaine.Copy !req
57. I'm Firecracker Jim, God damn it! Huh?Copy !req
58. No, this is kid stuff.
You have anything bigger?Copy !req
59. Hell yeah, I do! Hold on a minute!Copy !req
60. Sold.Copy !req
61. You know what I miss?Copy !req
62. - Uh, fingers?
- Yeah.Copy !req
63. All right, people, work faster!Copy !req
64. Or work slower, because I kinda
want to break in this bullwhip.Copy !req
65. Wow.Copy !req
66. Ow! Jesus Christ, I look like Jesus Christ!Copy !req
67. Sorry, Steve, I got distracted.Copy !req
68. I'll go get a nail claw.Copy !req
69. Ow!Copy !req
70. - Connie!
- Ow...Copy !req
71. Stop wasting nails.Copy !req
72. Either go for the kill
shot, or knock it off.Copy !req
73. I know what's going on.Copy !req
74. You like that girl.Copy !req
75. Either that, or you planning to murder her.
I can't tell, you got those crazy eyes.Copy !req
76. Wow. She's way out of my league.Copy !req
77. Don't sell yourself short.
You're just as nasty as she is.Copy !req
78. Tell you what, tonight at the party,
I'ma help you get that girl.Copy !req
79. - You'd really do that?
- Sure, we're friends.Copy !req
80. Now, here's the plan.
At the party, I'll distract her.Copy !req
81. - You throw her in your trunk.
- What?Copy !req
82. I don't want to kill her,
I want to date her.Copy !req
83. Kill her, date her, either way,
she's getting a gash to the face.Copy !req
84. What happened to the wildlife fund?Copy !req
85. I tried to get cash for an
Incubator, but it was all gone.Copy !req
86. Woody said he needed the money.Copy !req
87. - For what?
- For that.Copy !req
88. Ha ha! I feel like a Pharaoh!Copy !req
89. - You look more like a fat-ho.
- Woody, how could you do that?Copy !req
90. I am trying to save an endangered species.Copy !req
91. Ugh, those eagles are endangered
because they're weak.Copy !req
92. And I got no respect for weak!Copy !req
93. - Right, Steve?
- Happy Birthday!Copy !req
94. Aw, thanks, you weak son of a bitch.Copy !req
95. Hey, speaking of bitches, I don't believe
Ethel's wished me a Happy Birthday yet.Copy !req
96. - Now say it!
- Screw you!Copy !req
97. Okay then, you're on...
administrative leave!Copy !req
98. - What the hell does that mean?
- I mean, I am the administrator,Copy !req
99. and for you to... well, uh...
Leave!Copy !req
100. You are a dick, Woody Johnson.Copy !req
101. Get back to work!Copy !req
102. Great job on the party, little buddy!Copy !req
103. So what's in store for my entertainment?Copy !req
104. Well, after the fireworks Denzel
will be performing a magic show.Copy !req
105. Magic? I love magic!Copy !req
106. Glorious! Makes me feel
like I'm back in Iraq!Copy !req
107. I've gotta go back there one day.Copy !req
108. You know I never finished my
necklace made of baby dicks?Copy !req
109. Hey, uh, Firecracker Jim,
I think this one's a dud.Copy !req
110. Huh? Dud, my ass!Copy !req
111. Pour some gasoline on it, it'll light!Copy !req
112. I said light the Bengal Fire,
then the Roman Candle, idiot!Copy !req
113. I'll do it!Copy !req
114. - Now's your chance!
- Hi. What can I get you?Copy !req
115. Let's play little Dutch
Boy who saved Holland.Copy !req
116. You can stick your finger in the dyke.Copy !req
117. Ugh.Copy !req
118. Well, that was a disaster.Copy !req
119. Man, I thought that was a solid line.Copy !req
120. Took me all night to come up with that.Copy !req
121. Don't worry, I got a backup plan.Copy !req
122. You gonna help me do a magic trick.
She'll love it!Copy !req
123. Magic trick?Copy !req
124. Why not? You're both lesbians, right?Copy !req
125. Ain't nothing gayer than magic.Copy !req
126. When Woody says he doesn't
care about these birds,Copy !req
127. what he's really saying is
that he doesn't care about me.Copy !req
128. Well, screw him!
Now nothing can keep me here!Copy !req
129. Steve, can you be a doll and blow into
this thing so I can start my car?Copy !req
130. You're drinking again?Copy !req
131. What? No.Copy !req
132. Come on, Cousin, let's see the
stuff you were saving for the race war.Copy !req
133. We ain't preparin' for no race war.Copy !req
134. Speak for yourself, Bobby, because I am.Copy !req
135. He's talking about the
big finale, numbnuts!Copy !req
136. This!Copy !req
137. Now I'll show you how to
escape from the handcuffs.Copy !req
138. Wow. I didn't know you were a magician.Copy !req
139. Magician? I ain't no magician.
I'm just black.Copy !req
140. Victor, Bravo, Foxtrot, Tango.Copy !req
141. What the... oh, wait, I forgot.Copy !req
142. Can you blow into this for us?Copy !req
143. Ah!Copy !req
144. Help! Ethel! Help!Copy !req
145. Woody! Grab hold!Copy !req
146. Slipping. Give me your other hand!Copy !req
147. I can't, just pull harder!Copy !req
148. God damn it, who's more important,
me or those eggs?Copy !req
149. - Whoops, you slipped.
- You biiiii...Copy !req
150. Iiiii...Copy !req
151. You goddamn bitch!Copy !req
152. Oh, my God! We're marooned on
an uncharted desert island!Copy !req
153. Steve, we're on the hill
by the parking lot.Copy !req
154. So, there's...Copy !req
155. - There's no smoke monster.
- Damn it.Copy !req
156. Oh, just my luck.Copy !req
157. The Park goes all Katrina, and
I'm handcuffed to The Superdome.Copy !req
158. - No offense.
- We lost the key during the flood.Copy !req
159. Where's Woody? He'll know what to do.Copy !req
160. Guys, Woody didn't make it.Copy !req
161. I did my best to save him,
but I guess he was too weak.Copy !req
162. And too stupid, and too assholey,
and, you know, too fat to live.Copy !req
163. - Oh, my God!
- That's terrible.Copy !req
164. Poor guy.Copy !req
165. Malloy, you survived!Copy !req
166. Barely. Luckily, I found this pontoon boat.Copy !req
167. Anybody hungry?Copy !req
168. I'm kidding. She probably has AIDS.Copy !req
169. - Woody's dead.
- Oh!Copy !req
170. What's for breakfast?Copy !req
171. - Aren't you sad at all?
- Yeah, I'm sad.Copy !req
172. And how I grieve is by eating breakfast.Copy !req
173. What are we gonna do?
We don't have a leader.Copy !req
174. Yes, we do.Copy !req
175. Woody always said I was second in charge.Copy !req
176. Actually, this is what he said.Copy !req
177. In the event of my death, I
want Steve to be in charge.Copy !req
178. Ha! You're all!Copy !req
179. You heard what he said. I'm the new leader.Copy !req
180. We're behind you 100%, Steve.Copy !req
181. Ethel, you can't let this happen!Copy !req
182. Relax, Denzel, let Steve play leader.Copy !req
183. He couldn't be worse than Woody.
Besides, I need to look after these eggs.Copy !req
184. Yes! Trust me, guys, I won't
let it go to my head.Copy !req
185. Gather 'round, my people, I
am your new King, Steve!Copy !req
186. Together, we will create a new
society called Steveistan! No...Copy !req
187. Steveland! That's it.Copy !req
188. Now, Stevelanders!Copy !req
189. I know you are hungry, so we are
all going to forage for food.Copy !req
190. - That sounds like a lot of work.
- The chocolate cowboy is right.Copy !req
191. No one makes Jorge forage!Copy !req
192. Yeah, maybe we need a new leader!Copy !req
193. How about you?
Why, you remind me of a Kennedy.Copy !req
194. Only because you're drunk, and I
saw you drowning a woman earlier.Copy !req
195. New leader! New leader...Copy !req
196. - King Steve sucks!
- Wait, wait, I-I-I was kidding!Copy !req
197. No... no one has to work,
just do whatever you want.Copy !req
198. No rules!Copy !req
199. - Hail to the new regime!
- Rules can suck my ass off!Copy !req
200. My people love me!
Wait, what are you doing?Copy !req
201. We gonna get naked and touch
our dick-eyes together.Copy !req
202. Yep. Ain't no rules against it.Copy !req
203. If I had to be handcuffed to anybody,
I'm glad it's you, Denzel.Copy !req
204. That's nice, Connie.Copy !req
205. And of everybody I've been handcuffed
to, I'd say you in the top ten.Copy !req
206. Uh-oh.Copy !req
207. Do you think there's a
bathroom around here?Copy !req
208. Don't even think about it.Copy !req
209. I would gnaw right through
my arm.Copy !req
210. - But it hurts!
- Hi, guys.Copy !req
211. - Hey, it's Trudy!
- Um... hello.Copy !req
212. Hey, you're the girl who used
that dyke-finger line on me.Copy !req
213. I just got it. It was hot and clever.Copy !req
214. - Really?
- I knew it was gold!Copy !req
215. So, uh... you wanna hang out today?Copy !req
216. Sure I do! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!Copy !req
217. Well, actually I got other plans... hey!Copy !req
218. Mmm.Copy !req
219. See, citizens?Copy !req
220. While you were relaxing on the
beach, your leader has found food.Copy !req
221. Help yourselves.Copy !req
222. Too sour.Copy !req
223. - Ugh, too sweet.
- Too just right!Copy !req
224. Guys, we have limited
food, so you may wanna...Copy !req
225. I mean, please continue wasting our food!Copy !req
226. Whatever makes you happy.Copy !req
227. No one tells Jorge how to eat apples!Copy !req
228. Connie, I want to hear
more of your florid words.Copy !req
229. Uh...Copy !req
230. Even though your face is heinous, I'll
dive into your mouth like Greg Louganis.Copy !req
231. - Hell yeah!
- Oh, Connie...Copy !req
232. Ooh. Normally, I'm a fan
of pigs in a blanket.Copy !req
233. Ah!Copy !req
234. It cheers my heart to see my huddled
masses shivering around a dying fire.Copy !req
235. We're cold! Ain't no firewood.Copy !req
236. But no one wanted to get firewood.Copy !req
237. Of course no one wanted to get firewood.Copy !req
238. That goes against everything
Steveland stands for.Copy !req
239. Oh, God! They're hatching!Copy !req
240. The only two known Philadelphia
eagles in existence.Copy !req
241. Push! Push, you little orphan bastards!Copy !req
242. I'm a mother! Oh!Copy !req
243. And my parents said it would never happen
after I played hide the rolling pin.Copy !req
244. I was a curious child.Copy !req
245. Great news, everyone.
I found a rowboat washed up on the beach.Copy !req
246. That's great, Steve, we're saved!Copy !req
247. Hell yeah we are!
I chopped it up into 100 pieces.Copy !req
248. Now we'll have firewood for months!Copy !req
249. Hooray for short-term solutions!Copy !req
250. I only wish Woody could see me now.Copy !req
251. Wherever he is.Copy !req
252. Is anyone out there?Copy !req
253. Hello?Copy !req
254. Hello?Copy !req
255. Please, I can't be alone with my thoughts.Copy !req
256. I hate my thoughts!Copy !req
257. Everyone hates you.Copy !req
258. You deserve to die alone.Copy !req
259. Who said that?Copy !req
260. You're not real, damn you!Copy !req
261. You're not real.Copy !req
262. We're gonna drive you crazy.Copy !req
263. Crazy...Copy !req
264. Crazy...Copy !req
265. What was that?Copy !req
266. It's the smoke monster.Copy !req
267. You know, they really prefer
to be called African-American.Copy !req
268. Will the defendant please rise?Copy !req
269. Done, baby!Copy !req
270. Oh! Oh yeah, right there.Copy !req
271. Yeah baby, I'm all up
in the Judge's chamber!Copy !req
272. - Oh, yeah, that's how I like it...
- I know you do!Copy !req
273. It's okay, it's me.Copy !req
274. I know it's you, that's why I'm screaming!Copy !req
275. All this time I spent with Connie, it
was your words I fell in love with.Copy !req
276. - What's going on here?
- Call me, lover.Copy !req
277. - Denzel, how could you?
- How could I? She raped me!Copy !req
278. Liar!Copy !req
279. She was the one person in the world
that liked me, and you ruined it!Copy !req
280. I never want to see you again!Copy !req
281. Connie, listen to reason.Copy !req
282. At least flip me over,
you're road-rashing my dong!Copy !req
283. Eat up, my little babies.Copy !req
284. You need to grow big and strong
to re-populate the species,Copy !req
285. because even though you're
brother and sister today,Copy !req
286. the day will come when I will
force you to be husband and wife.Copy !req
287. - No shame in that.
- No shame in that at all.Copy !req
288. Hey, leader! Uh, we're starving!Copy !req
289. Yeah, and this here's the last apple.Copy !req
290. Ugh! Too applely.Copy !req
291. It's your job to feed us, King dickhead.Copy !req
292. Yeah, King dickhead! Feed us!Copy !req
293. Wait, am I still the leader?Copy !req
294. I say we eat him.Copy !req
295. He looks plump and juicy,
like a Thanksgiving rooster!Copy !req
296. Hey, hey! Hold on, fellas.Copy !req
297. Cannibalism is illegal and immoral.Copy !req
298. But, on the other hand, there
are no rules in Steveland.Copy !req
299. No one panic. I have an idea.Copy !req
300. We'll just take the rowboat to
civilization, and get some food.Copy !req
301. Steve, you idiot.
You chopped up the rowboat.Copy !req
302. Okay, I have another idea.Copy !req
303. It better not involve a time machine.Copy !req
304. I have a third idea!Copy !req
305. What? No!Copy !req
306. You can't eat my birds!Copy !req
307. No, you misunderstood me.Copy !req
308. I'm not gonna eat your birds,
I'm gonna feed your birds...Copy !req
309. To people.Copy !req
310. There's no way in hell!
These are my babies!Copy !req
311. Oh, come on!Copy !req
312. That's like saying adopted
kids are people's babies.Copy !req
313. They're just homeless children
people raise to have sex with.Copy !req
314. Enough yip-yap, time to
pluck 'em and 'em.Copy !req
315. Uh, I-I mean, eat 'em.Copy !req
316. Denzel, we're meant to be together.Copy !req
317. We're soul mates!Copy !req
318. Look, girl, we ain't happening.Copy !req
319. Although it is pretty
cool I flipped a lesbian.Copy !req
320. Trudy, he's not that much of a catch.
He hits women.Copy !req
321. What? I would never!Copy !req
322. Connie, that's messed... oh!Copy !req
323. Don't make me... ow!Copy !req
324. See how you like it.Copy !req
325. Damn.Copy !req
326. Ow!Copy !req
327. So, Steve came through, huh?Copy !req
328. Hey, here's a thought, what if we
didn't give in to our impulses today,Copy !req
329. and waited until these birds had eggs?Copy !req
330. Then we'd never run out of food.Copy !req
331. Boo! Boo!Copy !req
332. You're right, you're right, there will
always be endangered birds to eat.Copy !req
333. An entire species wiped out,Copy !req
334. just because Steve is too much of
a pussy to stand up to anyone.Copy !req
335. Maybe I should have saved Woody's life.Copy !req
336. Woody? He's not dead.Copy !req
337. He's on the other side of
the island going crazy,Copy !req
338. - like Tom Hanks in that movie.
- Cast away?Copy !req
339. No, the one where he thinks
Julia Roberts is attractive.Copy !req
340. Did I just do a Charlie Wilson's war joke?Copy !req
341. You're goddamn right I did!Copy !req
342. Woody?Copy !req
343. Woody is dead.Copy !req
344. The whispers have named me
Second Lieutenant Leakycheeks!Copy !req
345. Whoa. You are nuttier than squirrel shit.Copy !req
346. I have never felt more alive.Copy !req
347. Leakycheeks!Copy !req
348. All thanks to the whispers.Copy !req
349. You're welcome. Now head-butt that tree.Copy !req
350. - All right.
- Why did you do that?Copy !req
351. Peanut butter with Jim Belushi.Copy !req
352. Okay. Here's the thing, psycho.
We need you back.Copy !req
353. Steve has taken charge,
and everything's a mess.Copy !req
354. - They're gonna eat my eagles.
- Chinese werewolves!Copy !req
355. Oh, you can't be serious, you
used to love abusing power!Copy !req
356. I have found love. Whee!
Love, I'm surrounded by love!Copy !req
357. I got Mr. Crabby and Rock-Rock.Copy !req
358. And the whispers. I love you, whispers!Copy !req
359. Screw you. Pull your hair out.Copy !req
360. I'm happy here.Copy !req
361. Fine. Good-bye, Lieutenant Cheeks.
If you see Woody, tell him Happy Birthday.Copy !req
362. Aw, you don't have to say
that shit to Woody anymore.Copy !req
363. His tyrant days are over.Copy !req
364. I'm not saying it because I have to,
I'm saying it because I want to.Copy !req
365. Yes, he was a cruel,
inconsiderate, racist ass wipe.Copy !req
366. But deep down, I considered him to be...Copy !req
367. Almost not a complete
lowlife piece of shit.Copy !req
368. Wow. That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.Copy !req
369. I know what you're thinking, Woody.Copy !req
370. Don't do it.Copy !req
371. It's no use, whispers! I'm a born leader!Copy !req
372. And born leaders help their annoying, P.C.,Copy !req
373. holier-than-thou co-workers.Copy !req
374. Woody, come on.Copy !req
375. Indian burn your ball sack one last time.Copy !req
376. Don't go.Copy !req
377. Well, it was fun while it lasted.Copy !req
378. We want eagle!Copy !req
379. We want eagle!Copy !req
380. We want eagle!Copy !req
381. Do what you do best, Mr. Possum-Gods!Copy !req
382. Hey! No one touches those birds.Copy !req
383. Woody? You're alive!Copy !req
384. Back down, Steve. I'm running the show now.Copy !req
385. Yes, Sir!Copy !req
386. Now, just one minute. Steve is our leader.Copy !req
387. And we like it that way because,
well, we can walk all over him.Copy !req
388. Yeah, we want Steve!Copy !req
389. Really guys, it's... it's fine.Copy !req
390. Well, that's great, but if anyone wants
to challenge the leader, we all know...Copy !req
391. They must fight to the death!Copy !req
392. Where are you getting that?Copy !req
393. You wrote it in the Steveland constitution.Copy !req
394. - Damn it!
- Woody, kill.Copy !req
395. Sounds good to me, whispers!Copy !req
396. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight...Copy !req
397. - Go get 'em, Steve!
- I'm rooting for Woody.Copy !req
398. - All right. Go get 'em, Woody!
- I'm rooting for Steve.Copy !req
399. That does it! I told you what
happened, and you don't believe me.Copy !req
400. Save it, Denzel.Copy !req
401. Trudy was the one person
I could have loved.Copy !req
402. She was beautiful, she was kind...Copy !req
403. I raped him.Copy !req
404. - See?
- And I have chlamydia.Copy !req
405. See, I told you... w-w-w-what?Copy !req
406. Oh, my God, what an awful skank!Copy !req
407. I should have believed you.Copy !req
408. I'm sorry she gave you chlamydia.Copy !req
409. Nah, don't worry.
I gave her something way worse.Copy !req
410. A baby.Copy !req
411. - I'll kill him later.
- All hail Woody!Copy !req
412. Okay, Woody. So you're the new leader.Copy !req
413. It doesn't matter, we're
still gonna starve to death.Copy !req
414. You people need a lift?Copy !req
415. You see, Steve? We're saved.Copy !req
416. Time for my babies to leave the nest.Copy !req
417. I appreciate you coming with me, Woody.Copy !req
418. Well, I can't say I care
about these little suckers.Copy !req
419. But you do.Copy !req
420. And that's good enough for me.Copy !req
421. Soar!Copy !req
422. I was wrong, Ethel.Copy !req
423. Maybe they are strong enough to survive.Copy !req
424. I'm Firecracker Jim, God...Copy !req
425. Or not.Copy !req