1. - From West
Hollywood, California
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2. the only news team that doesn't know
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3. what's on the teleprompter
before they read it.
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4. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points.
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5. This is Breaking News!
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6. - Hello and welcome to Breaking News
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7. the show where we don't
know what we're about to say
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8. and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
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9. I'm Tiffany Germ.
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10. And I'm Mr. Strong.
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11. Our top story tonight, The
Are they overrated?
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12. Sources are telling me yes.
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13. - A whistle-blower inside
the Henson organization
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14. has released documents saying
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15. that the Muppets are fine or whatever,
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16. but everybody could just take it down
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17. about five notches when it comes to them.
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18. - First of all Gonzo is the only good one.
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19. Kermit is a boring scold.
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20. Ms. Piggy is a full-on sex offender.
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21. And the rest mostly just make dated jokes
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22. about like hippies.
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23. - That's true we've got the
Swedish Chef out here like
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24. and Rolf is always like,
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25. What does Rolf sound like?
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26. - There's no way you're beating
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27. that Swedish Chef impression.
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28. And Rolf is always like "hey!"
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29. That's more of Dr. Teeth,
but it's something like that.
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30. - That was oddly good.
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31. The whistle blower says
that there are, at best,
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32. two and a half good Muppet movies.
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33. And that it's telling that the people
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34. who are super into the Muppets
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35. are never very funny as individuals.
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36. Plus what's the story,
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37. is Sesame Street a Muppet thing?
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38. That's always been wicked confusing.
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39. The Muppets aren't the only
overrated thing, though.
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40. Prosciutto, for instance,
is just thin ham,
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41. but everyone nuts all
over themselves for it?
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42. Silliness.
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43. And dogs? Everybody chill out about dogs.
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44. Every dog owner I know
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45. has pictures of their dog on their phone
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46. that they look at on vacation to cry.
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47. It's actually co-dependency.
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48. - Bananas. Here are seven more
things that are overrated.
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49. Bananas, people think
they're a good morning food,
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50. they don't fill you up much.
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51. And a little known fact
they're high in histamine.
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52. July fourth fireworks are overrated
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53. in the sense that they
scare dogs like mine.
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54. A picture of whom I have on my phone.
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55. Mike Trapp is overrated in the sense that
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56. he will willingly sabotage a production
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57. just for a laugh that only
makes sense to the inside crew.
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58. The movie Austin Powers is overrated.
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59. I watched it at the Hollywood
Cemetery before the pandemic,
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60. and you'd be surprised
how many of those jokes
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61. are straight on sexual harassment.
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62. Cats are overrated, I will
say, as somebody who has a cat,
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63. in the sense that however
much love you give them
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64. it's like pouring it into an empty void.
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65. They don't return it unless
it's convenient for them.
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66. Logan and Jake Paul are overrated.
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67. That one's self explanatory.
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68. Hope that doesn't get me
in trouble on the internet.
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69. - One of those Paul boys
is gonna beat you up.
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70. Whichever one of them is
the angry beating up one.
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71. - The idea that someone
would hear you criticize cats
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72. and be like "that's fine,"
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73. and then be like "Whoa,
whoa, whoa, Logan Paul?
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74. Over the line, my guy!"
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75. - One of them's gonna beat me up?
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76. Do they both box at this point,
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77. or is just one of them a wannabe boxer?
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78. - No just the cats are.
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79. - Oh got it.
(Brennan meows)
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80. Finally, I'm overrated,
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81. my success has been entirely
right place, right time,
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82. and a total coincidence,
and if you're a fan of me,
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83. it's a self fulfilling prophecy
where I put myself in stuff.
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84. - That's absolutely right.
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85. We'll go now to a brand new
member of the News team,
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86. Jamie Lotion, for weather.
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87. Jamie, nice to meet you.
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88. - Oh, um this is awkward.
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89. We've actually met before.
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90. - Oh my god I hate this so much.
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91. This is the worst.
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92. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
- Yeah.
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93. - Where did we meet?
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94. - Where did we meet?
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95. We both went to Hannom Elementary School.
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96. And we literally were in class together
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97. from kindergarten through sixth grade.
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98. - Sorry I don't remember that I was,
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99. - Fill in the blank.
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100. - I was the kid in the back of the class
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101. who was just eating lots of glue.
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102. So those early years
are just a blur to me.
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103. - Okay.
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104. - Jamie, we apologize.
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105. On behalf of the rest of the News team
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106. it really is nice to meet you.
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107. - Oh, we've actually met before too.
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108. - Shit, shit!
- Yeah.
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109. - Alright, where?
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110. - Okay well it's kind of a long story.
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111. In third grade my parents surprised me
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112. with a trip to space camp.
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113. Which was a really big deal
for me 'cause I love space.
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114. And I was the youngest in the group,
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115. and I was also the only girl.
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116. We were on a mission
together, a fake mission.
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117. I was in mission control
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118. and I had a panic attack
and started crying.
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119. And you came in and you gave me a flower.
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120. And made it all better.
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121. - Uh huh. What were you wearing?
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122. - That's kind of a long story.
(crew members and Mike laughs)
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123. I was supposed to be
wearing my space camp shirt,
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124. tucked into my cargo shorts.
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125. But during the panic attack
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126. I had wet myself.
(crew members laughing)
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127. So I had to change.
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128. So we went to the gift shop in space camp,
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129. and the only thing they had was
a men's extra large t-shirt.
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130. - Are you crying right now?
- Yeah!
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131. And so we wrapped a belt around it.
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132. And everybody knew I didn't fit in.
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133. - I apologize, maybe you
should just introduce yourself
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134. to the audience.
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135. - Mhm, I've actually
met the audience before.
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136. - Where?
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137. - It's kind of a long story!
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138. Three days before space camp
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139. we had gone throughout
the rest of Florida,
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140. and I was on a ride at Disney World.
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141. And I puked and I hid in my seat.
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142. And I slipped out.
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143. And I almost died but the audience
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144. was underneath the ride and caught me.
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145. And so I didn't die.
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146. - Did you know them as the
audience at that point?
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147. - Yeah!
(crew member laughs)
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148. - And they've been traveling
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149. as a collective group this whole time?
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150. - Yeah!
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151. - I'll just come right out and say it.
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152. If someone doesn't remember meeting you,
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153. it means you're not memorable enough
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154. and it's your own fault.
- Damn!
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155. - We'll go now to a Sexy
Hustler that we let do sports.
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156. - He's very, very sexy!
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157. - Oh, hi.
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158. Gosh you caught me right in
the middle of a game of pool.
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159. This is the middle of a game of pool.
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160. - You're the pool expert.
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161. - You tell us.
- Yeah.
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162. - No, no I know that I
know everything about pool,
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163. which is why this, with
the cue stick on the table,
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164. is the middle of a game of pool.
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165. With the chalk and the cue
ball that's all the middle.
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166. The plastic covers
around the fucking balls,
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167. - The middle of the game
- and that's the middle
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168. of the game of pool.
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169. - Well this explains why you're so good.
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170. - Yeah I know it explains why I'm so good.
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171. Which is why I removed the cover
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172. for the middle of the game of pool.
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173. I love playing pool.
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174. It's a game of patience and angles.
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175. I'm a very patient man,
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176. and I know just how to hit the spot.
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177. - Oh that is sexy.
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178. - I love the feeling of
using my big stick, you know?
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179. Say would you wanna watch me knock in
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180. this entire rack of pool balls?
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181. I'll tell you what, after
every time I hit the ball,
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182. I'll say something sexy to you.
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183. Would you like that?
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184. I'll bet you would.
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185. Great.
(crew laughs)
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186. - It's weird that this
qualifies as the news.
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187. - It's weird that he
has to chalk up his cue
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188. in the middle of a game of pool.
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189. - It is weird.
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190. - There's different thoughts about that.
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191. Some people say that you should
rechalk pretty frequently,
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192. even in the midst of a game of pool,
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193. like the one I'm playing now.
- Oh my gods.
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194. - It's good to have the
table be just right up
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195. almost a nipple height.
- For sure, yeah.
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196. (balls click)
- Bukake!
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197. - I guess that was sexy.
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198. - Okay hold on one second.
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199. Foot stuff!
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200. Okay here we go and,
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201. (balls click)
- Oh my god.
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202. - Froggy style!
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203. - So sir, it's nice to meet
you, but we have to move on.
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204. - Oh, actually we've met before.
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205. - Really, when, where?
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206. - We met at space camp.
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207. I work at space camp.
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208. I make and craft artisan pool tables
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209. that work in outer space.
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210. - How? Not how do you make them,
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211. how does it work in outer space?
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212. - In outer space there
is different gravity.
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213. I was gonna say no gravity,
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214. but obviously if you're closer
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215. to some large celestial bodies,
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216. there will be gravity forces there.
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217. So you need to play pool
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218. not just in the two
dimensions of the the table,
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219. but also three dimensions.
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220. If I don't hit a joke in this explanation
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221. it's because I got too excited about
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222. thinking about how that would work.
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223. - Very sexy.
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224. - Very sexy, very sexy.
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225. - Now I would be getting more balls
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226. in this pocket right here,
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227. but it's totally full of balls.
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228. - That's the sexiest
thing you've said so far.
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229. - That is, hugely sexy.
(Brennan laughs)
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230. - That does it for us, but before we go,
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231. we'll tell you that tonight's
loser is Samwise Reich.
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232. As punishment they're
going to have to go around
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233. and tell the real actors
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234. where they think they first met,
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235. to see if their stories line up.
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236. - Cool, Katie,
- Marovitch.
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237. - Marovitch.
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238. I believe we would have first met
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239. when you were an intern at CollegeHumor.
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240. Probably out on the floor
of the office somewhere?
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241. - I remember it exactly.
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242. - Oh shit!
(cast and crew laughs)
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243. - Your former assistant
took me into your office,
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244. which was on the fourth floor,
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245. we were on the fifth floor.
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246. - Yes.
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247. And I said hello.
- Yes.
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248. - Because we have a family connection.
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249. Which you don't remember.
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250. - We're cousins, we're cousins!
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251. - Uh Trapp,
- Yes?
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252. I think we would have met,
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253. did we meet back in New York?
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254. - Maybe.
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255. (Sam laughs)
- Shit.
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256. To be honest my first concrete
memories of meeting you
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257. is when we were talking
about the writers position.
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258. And bringing you out to LA.
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259. - I think the first time we met
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260. was before I started
working at College Humor.
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261. It was actually at a Halloween party,
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262. - No.
- in which you were dressed
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263. as Dr. Robotnic, or perhaps, Mr. Eggman.
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264. - Yes!
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265. - So to be fair,
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266. you were in costume and I was in costume.
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267. There's no reason you would
have recognized me or known me,
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268. but I think that was the
first time I met you.
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269. - Oh
- I'm so far mortified.
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270. - Brennan, please tell me that we met
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271. when you were a writer for Um, Actually.
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272. - We met five years before that.
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273. - Now obviously when
I became your employee
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274. is obviously when I
became a full human being.
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275. But prior to that,
(crew laughs)
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276. in New York City we had
a 15 minute conversation,
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277. at Chelsea Piers with you
and your lovely wife, Elaine,
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278. when I was a house performer at UCB.
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279. Where I talked about
- Perfect.
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280. - how meaningful Dutch West was,
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281. your old sketch group,
- Great.
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282. - over a long dinner where I was a guest
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283. of Josh Ruben and Vince Peone.
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284. - Fantastic.
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285. Well, I'm an asshole.
(cast and crew laughs)
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