1. Yep,
without me, Judy,
Copy !req
2. your pretty little legs
wouldn't have
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3. a balcony to stand on.
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4. Is it secure?
Copy !req
5. That baby's
as secure as I am.
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6. Why? What, you don't think
I'm secure?
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7. Oh, Dylan,
are you okay?
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8. Dylan?
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9. I have no feeling
in my arms or my legs!
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10. Oh, great.
Now I've got no Romeo.
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11. Okay!
Who built the balcony?
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12. Okay, in retrospect,
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13. it might have been
foolish of me
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14. to consider paste
the nail's silent cousin.
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15. But you live, you learn.
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16. I have 400
people coming,
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17. not to mention
Mr. Joffrey Menell,
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18. the esteemed theater critic
from the PennySaver.
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19. What do you
suggest I do?
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20. Well, you're really old.
Why don't you retire?
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21. Dylan, are you sure
you can't go on?
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22. Clear!
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23. What about
just the matinee?
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24. Okay, okay, I'll just
get some tights,
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25. and I'll take these
funny little booties here.
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26. Thanks.
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27. You Romeo?
'Tis to laugh.
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28. 'Tis it?
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29. "O my love,
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30. "my wife!
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31. "Thou art not conquered
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32. "Beauty's ensign yet
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33. "Is crimson in thy lips
and in thy cheeks,
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34. "And death's pale flag
has not advanced there."
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35. Oh, my.
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36. That was exquisite.
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37. Yeah, well, been
building that balcony
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38. since the first rehearsal.
I can do the whole play.
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39. I can do Lady Capulet,
I can do Friar Laurence,
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40. I can do Cartman.
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41. I'm not fat.
I'm festively plump.
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42. Please, go and put
your tights on.
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43. Okay. But I do
have the part, right?
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44. Mercutio slain!
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45. Fire-eyed fury
be my conduct now.
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46. Now, Tybalt, take the
villain back again
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47. for Mercutio's soul is but a
little way above our heads,
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48. waiting for thine
to keep him company.
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49. Either thou or I,
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50. or both
must go with him!
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51. Thou, wretched boy,
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52. that didst
consort him here
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53. shalt with him hence.
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54. This shall
determine that.
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55. Prepare
to die, Jedi Master.
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56. Bravo, Eric! Bravo!
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57. I haven't seen
such raw talent
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58. since I directed
Meryl Streep
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59. in the 1977 senior class production
of The Meryl Streep Show.
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60. Eric,
you were amazing.
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61. You know something?
You didn't like me at all
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62. before I became Romeo,
did you?
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63. But now all of a sudden all these
people are applauding for me,
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64. and that impresses you.
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65. You know, there's a name
for people like you.
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66. Really? What?
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67. Mrs. Eric Matthews.
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68. I have finally
found my niece.
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69. You mean niche.
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70. Probably.
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71. Unbelievable.
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72. These reviews
are incredible.
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73. Look, Mom, if you're gonna pay
attention to the good reviews,
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74. you gotta look
at the bad ones.
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75. But there are
no bad ones.
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76. I know!
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77. Listen to this.
"Matthews' King Lear rules."
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78. "Matthews' performance
would tame any shrew."
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79. Promise me you won't let these
things go to your head.
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80. I would never.
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81. Oh, look. Bloomingdale's
is having a white sale.
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82. That's not about me!
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83. Come on, Jack! Cory's
gonna be here, like...
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84. Now. Get your coat!
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85. Topanga. What are
you doing here?
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86. There's something I want
to talk to you about.
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87. Well, actually, we were
just on our way out.
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88. I just want to make sure
you and I are okay.
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89. Yeah, yeah,
we're okay. Why?
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90. Well, I know since
Cory and I broke up,
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91. things have been kind
of weird between us.
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92. I care about
being your friend.
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93. Jack! What happened
to your face?
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94. Apparently she doesn't care
about being my friend.
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95. We're on our way to
a basketball game.
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96. Now is not the time to be
making fun of Jack's face.
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97. No, he's not
going anywhere.
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98. Those look like chicken pox.
Do they itch?
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99. No, not really.
Copy !req
100. However, these are
a little irritating.
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101. All right, you've got it.
This is serious.
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102. If you don't take care of these
now, you could get really sick.
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103. I don't want to die.
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104. Nobody's dying. We are
going to the game.
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105. That's Cory.
No! Cory!
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106. Don't come in here!
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107. Okay.
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108. Topanga, what are
you doing in there?
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109. She's trying to keep us from
going to see the Sixers.
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110. Cory, they have
chicken pox!
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111. Run away, or you
could catch them!
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112. Save your breath, Topanga. He
is not going to listen to you.
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113. I can't believe how
whipped that boy is.
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114. And what do you mean,
"They have chicken pox"?
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115. I don't
want to die.
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116. You're not
going to die.
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117. I'm going to stay here and
take care of both of you.
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118. Jack has full-blown
chicken pox,
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119. and you have
half-blown chicken pox.
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120. That is so
ridiculous, okay.
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121. If I have chicken pox,
where are my dots?
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122. Should I
connect them for you?
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123. Oh, man, you're dying
worse than I am.
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124. I feel fine.
So I have dots.
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125. That's because
it hasn't hit you yet.
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126. When I had it,
I had dots, a fever,
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127. and I couldn't stand
on my own two feet.
Copy !req
128. At any time during this sickness,
did you ever get quiet?
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129. I'll excuse that because
I know you're sick.
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130. I am not sick. I have
never felt better.
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131. Or perhaps I have.
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132. Put out your arms now.
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133. There he is!
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134. You know, the real
tragedy tonight
Copy !req
135. is that William Shakespeare
couldn't be here
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136. to see how
good you are.
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137. He'll come tomorrow. I
mean, we're here all week.
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138. Unbelievable.
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139. I cannot believe how deeply
you feel up there, Eric.
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140. I mean, when you jumped
into Ophelia's grave,
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141. overcome with emotion,
and then wept openly,
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142. where did you get
your motivation?
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143. They got it right here
in the script. Look.
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144. "Weeps openly."
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145. I mean, they tell
you what to do.
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146. Indeed.
A true thespian.
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147. Eric.
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148. There are some gentlemen here who want
to talk to you about your future.
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149. Are they gypsies?
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150. Randolf Dickson.
Juilliard.
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151. What's that?
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152. The most prestigious acting
school in the country.
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153. Sir Ralph Kramdensen, RSC.
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154. What's that?
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155. Royal Shakespeare Company.
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156. The most famous theatrical
company in the world.
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157. Excuse me.
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158. Matt Frazier, ABC.
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159. What's that?
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160. The American
Broadcasting Company,
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161. the number one network
alphabetically in the world.
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162. How would you like to come to
Hollywood and be on television?
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163. Me? In the TV?
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164. I'm home.
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165. This is where
I belong.
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166. Thanks for coming
with me, Mr. Feeny.
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167. It would have been so
uncool if my parents came.
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168. I'm just here to see
that you get settled.
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169. Now, remember, keep both
your feet on the ground.
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170. This town is
swimming with sharks.
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171. Hey! Stop attacking my town.
Copy !req
172. And the people here are real
down-to-earth, good kindly folk.
Copy !req
173. Hey!
Get out of my space!
Copy !req
174. Hey, there's
one of them now.
Copy !req
175. Hi, nice person.
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176. What do I have to do,
call my attorney?
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177. Get out of my space!
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178. Thank you.
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179. You're welcome.
Copy !req
180. And who might
you be, little girl?
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181. I'm not a little girl. I'm 42.
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182. I just play
little girls on TV.
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183. Hello.
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184. Eric.
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185. Are you sure you want to
go through with this?
Copy !req
186. More than anything.
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187. "And as he looked
into her dying eyes
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188. "and gently cradled
her dying head,
Copy !req
189. "he knew they would be
together again someday."
Copy !req
190. In heaven?
Yes.
Copy !req
191. Okay, Topanga.
It's very nice.
Copy !req
192. My brother and I appreciate
everything you're doing for us,
Copy !req
193. but we're
all better now.
Copy !req
194. So the next time we get chicken
pox, we'll give you a call.
Copy !req
195. Shawn,
stop scratching.
Copy !req
196. Topanga,
Copy !req
197. I really don't
want your help.
Copy !req
198. Well, I do, Shawn.
Copy !req
199. Topanga's a good nurse.
Copy !req
200. My fever's down
to malaria level.
Copy !req
201. I think I can go back
to my village now.
Copy !req
202. He's delirious.
Copy !req
203. Jack, you can't get
off this couch, okay?
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204. Okay.
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205. I don't care what he says,
I want you to stay.
Copy !req
206. Jack...
Shawn, it's okay.
Copy !req
207. He doesn't know what he's saying.
It's the fever talking.
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208. That's not right.
Copy !req
209. He doesn't want to
be friends with you
Copy !req
210. because you
broke up with Cory.
Copy !req
211. That means you were
never really friends.
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212. No friends.
No friends at all.
Copy !req
213. Although it seems to be a very
perceptive fever, doesn't it?
Copy !req
214. Hey, Eric!
Copy !req
215. Hey,
come here, buddy.
Copy !req
216. Meet some of the cast
in your new family
Copy !req
217. for the next 100 episodes,
I hope, I hope, I hope!
Copy !req
218. Hey, guys,
this is Eric Matthews.
Copy !req
219. He's going to be playing the
role of the long-lost brother.
Copy !req
220. He's come all the way from
Philadelphia to try out,
Copy !req
221. so let's make him
feel welcome.
Copy !req
222. Yeah. This is our
star, Ben Sandwich.
Copy !req
223. Hey, maybe you've heard of
his brother, Bread Sandwich?
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224. Oh, from that show!
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225. Yeah!
Copy !req
226. Hey, how you doin'?
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227. Listen, let me tell you
what this show is not.
Copy !req
228. This is not Long-lost Brother Gets
Acquainted With the Universe, okay?
Copy !req
229. Okay.
Copy !req
230. How you doin'?
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231. Sometimes I get shy.
Copy !req
232. People who aren't shy
make me nervous.
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233. Hi!
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234. Oh, no, it's her.
Copy !req
235. Are you the new guy?
Yeah.
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236. Hi! Welcome!
Hi.
Copy !req
237. Have you
met Schneider?
Copy !req
238. Schneider is very shy.
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239. Too close, too close,
too close, too close!
Copy !req
240. Deep down,
I'm shy, too.
Copy !req
241. I'm a wounded bird.
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242. Schneider and me
are wounded birds.
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243. Help me!
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244. Why do they need you?
What?
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245. Well, they got me already.
Why do they need you?
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246. Actually, they just told me...
They got me.
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247. This doesn't
make any sense.
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248. If they got me,
why do they need you?
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249. Where's my banana?
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250. Is it or
is it not 2:15?
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251. Hey, banana boy!
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252. Where's my banana boy?
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253. All right, mango boy.
You're promoted, baby.
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254. Nutty. Okay. Mr. Feeny,
these people are...
Copy !req
255. Mr. Feeny?
Copy !req
256. You call this a classroom?
There are only nine desks.
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257. Are we supposed to believe there are
only 9 students in the whole class?
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258. Well, actually, camera angles
will make it appear to be more.
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259. That's diabolical.
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260. All right, everybody, let's
show Eric how it's done.
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261. Into costumes. Come on.
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262. Hey, Schneider, listen.
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263. Maybe you could give me a little
something to play off today, okay?
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264. You dead person.
You silent freak.
Copy !req
265. You know, I am so sick and
tired of carrying this show.
Copy !req
266. Sorry, Mr. Sandwich. Please
don't be upset with me.
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267. I need this job so I can pay for
college and get an education.
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268. Education?
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269. Son, listen, this show
goes four years,
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270. they'll give you
an honorary degree.
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271. You'll be
Dr. Creepy Weirdo.
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272. Okay, come on,
places.
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273. All right.
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274. Three, two, one,
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275. action.
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276. Look, Rory,
all you have to do
Copy !req
277. is get the keys to your father's
car and his credit card...
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278. I don't know, Shane.
Copy !req
279. I got a real bad feeling about this one.
You know?
Copy !req
280. I've never done anything
like this before...
Copy !req
281. Oh, man!
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282. We're doing
this story again?
Copy !req
283. How many times have we
done this, Matt, 100,000?
Copy !req
284. He's yelling again.
Stop the yelling.
Copy !req
285. How can I learn so much every
week and still be so stupid?
Copy !req
286. Make him stop!
Make him stop!
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287. Okay, okay, we'll get
the writers to fix it.
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288. Come on, Ben, we got the
best writers in town.
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289. Yeah, that's all
I hear, Matt!
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290. "They're young, they're
hip, they're fun."
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291. Hey! Do your jobs!
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292. Oh, what's wrong?
Did I hurt your feelings?
Copy !req
293. Good! Because you know what
this script is? Poopy!
Copy !req
294. It's not poopy!
You're poopy!
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295. Oh, boy.
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296. That was a good thing to say. Let's
just watch what happens now.
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297. All right, that's it!
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298. You're fired,
all of you! Get out!
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299. And clean out
your cubbies!
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300. Oh, yeah? Well, you can
kiss my diapered butt.
Copy !req
301. I am too old
and too rich.
Copy !req
302. Mommy,
I'm fired again.
Copy !req
303. Okay, Eric, you're
playing Derek, right?
Copy !req
304. The older, good-looking, not the
sharpest knife in the drawer,
Copy !req
305. long-lost brother with a heart of gold.
You think you can play that?
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306. Can do. You don't mean
real gold, right?
Copy !req
307. Just like that.
Okay?
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308. We ready to roll?
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309. As they say
here in Hollywood,
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310. "And action."
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311. Ouchy Mcgouchy,
little bro!
Copy !req
312. If I can't have
my lucky tube socks,
Copy !req
313. I shall never pass
the astronaut test.
Copy !req
314. That was great, Eric!
Copy !req
315. I personally loved it.
Copy !req
316. Don't do it that way, okay?
Don't do Shakespeare. Do you.
Copy !req
317. Don't do Shakespeare? All I've
ever done is Shakespeare.
Copy !req
318. Do you. The role is you, Eric.
Do you.
Copy !req
319. I don't know
how to do that.
Copy !req
320. Just be honest.
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321. Acting is
about honesty.
Copy !req
322. So, all I have to do is just stand
up here and just be honest?
Copy !req
323. That's it.
Copy !req
324. I can do that.
Sure!
Copy !req
325. All right. Hey, let's
take it from Ben's line.
Copy !req
326. And
Copy !req
327. action.
Copy !req
328. I'm really sorry, Derek,
Copy !req
329. but I washed your lucky
tube socks, and, well...
Copy !req
330. You're not sorry.
What?
Copy !req
331. What, all of a sudden
the cameras are on you,
Copy !req
332. you're a different person?
What's that all about?
Copy !req
333. What?
What?
Copy !req
334. I just saw the way you were acting
with the writers over there.
Copy !req
335. You're just mean.
Copy !req
336. Methinks you shrunk
my socks on purpose.
Copy !req
337. Like that?
Copy !req
338. And cut!
Copy !req
339. Sorry for dragging you out
to California, Mr. Feeny.
Copy !req
340. I had no idea the Windy
City would be so cruel.
Copy !req
341. Eric, just because Mr. Frazier
didn't like your performance
Copy !req
342. and we got thrown
out of the studio,
Copy !req
343. doesn't mean
you weren't good.
Copy !req
344. I mean, that's just
one man's opinion.
Copy !req
345. Well, what's
your opinion?
Copy !req
346. Same as his.
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347. But what you have
to understand is that
Copy !req
348. what comes easily
goes just as easily.
Copy !req
349. I mean, if you want to be
an actor badly enough,
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350. you have to take classes,
study for years,
Copy !req
351. face rejection
on a daily basis,
Copy !req
352. and then
after 10,000 nos,
Copy !req
353. there might be
a glimmer of a chance
Copy !req
354. that someone
might say yes.
Copy !req
355. Next I want to be the heavyweight
champion of the world.
Copy !req
356. Great.
Let's go home.
Copy !req
357. Okay.
Copy !req
358. Hey, bud. Goin' to the grocery store.
You want anything?
Copy !req
359. No. Thanks for asking.
Copy !req
360. You're welcome.
Copy !req
361. Hey, you're sure there's
nothing you need, right?
Copy !req
362. Like maybe to call up a friend
and tell her you're sorry?
Copy !req
363. I don't know what
you're talking about.
Copy !req
364. You know who I mean. Come on.
She took care of us.
Copy !req
365. She was here for a couple of days.
Now she hasn't been around.
Copy !req
366. You know
the one I mean.
Copy !req
367. Her name rhymes
with noshmanga.
Copy !req
368. It's not my fault, Jack.
This is what happens
Copy !req
369. when you're friends with a
couple and they break up.
Copy !req
370. You're forced
to choose sides.
Copy !req
371. And Cory's
my best friend.
Copy !req
372. Yeah. I'm sure
she realizes that.
Copy !req
373. Well, yeah,
thanks to you.
Copy !req
374. Hey, look, my temperature
was, like, 112.
Copy !req
375. I didn't know
what I was saying.
Copy !req
376. It's okay.
Copy !req
377. I'm sure she felt uncomfortable, too.
She's not coming back.
Copy !req
378. Yeah,
you're probably right.
Copy !req
379. Hey. There's my
favorite nurse.
Copy !req
380. Thank you.
Copy !req
381. Look, Shawn.
Copy !req
382. I know you're in a tough situation.
Cory's your best friend.
Copy !req
383. You know, he used to tell
me how wonderful you were.
Copy !req
384. But guys always say great
things about their girlfriends
Copy !req
385. until they break up.
Copy !req
386. And that's when
the truth comes out.
Copy !req
387. You know, I've waited 15 years to find
out what he really thinks about you.
Copy !req
388. Do you want to know
what he thinks about you
Copy !req
389. now that
you're broken up?
Copy !req
390. Shawn, I don't want
to talk about that.
Copy !req
391. You know, I just came
here to tell you
Copy !req
392. that you are an
unappreciative little jerk,
Copy !req
393. and if you're so
uncomfortable around me
Copy !req
394. that we can't be friends now
that I'm not seeing Cory,
Copy !req
395. then maybe we were never
really friends at all.
Copy !req
396. And I want you to
tell me that to my face.
Copy !req
397. Now that
you've broken up,
Copy !req
398. he still tells me
how wonderful you are.
Copy !req
399. He's completely brokenhearted
over what he's lost.
Copy !req
400. So am I.
Copy !req
401. Cory's my best friend.
Copy !req
402. But I want to tell you
to your face that
Copy !req
403. if I knew that you and I
weren't friends anymore
Copy !req
404. it'd break
my heart, too.
Copy !req
405. You want soup?
Copy !req
406. Will you
feed it to me?
Copy !req
407. Where are they?
Copy !req
408. What are you
looking for?
Copy !req
409. I'm supposed to shoot hoops.
I can't find them anywhere.
Copy !req
410. Can't find what?
My tube socks!
Copy !req
411. My lucky tube socks. Have you by
any chance seen them anywhere?
Copy !req
412. Oh, uh...
Copy !req
413. You're gonna find this kind
of hard to believe, Eric,
Copy !req
414. but, last night
for no logical reason
Copy !req
415. that you could
possibly think of,
Copy !req
416. I did the wash instead of Mom, and...
Well...
Copy !req
417. This is so funny.
Copy !req
418. Where are my
lucky tube socks?
Copy !req
419. Well.
Copy !req
420. I don't think they're
so lucky anymore.
Copy !req
421. That's not the line.
Copy !req
422. What?
Copy !req
423. The line was, "Honey, I
shrunk the tube socks."
Copy !req
424. Oh, I know.
I'm sorry, Will.
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425. I was trying
something new.
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426. Oh! You were just... You were
trying something new, huh?
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427. Yeah. Here, why don't
you try this, huh?
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428. Is this new? Does this
all look new to you?
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429. Here's new! Yeah!
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430. I quit!
I'm out of here!
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431. Cory! Eric!
Guess what!
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432. I blew up
another mailbox.
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433. What,
Will flip out again?
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434. Yeah, yeah, he did.
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435. What are we gonna do? I mean,
he's gonna be hard to replace.
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436. Yeah, you're right.
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437. Hey, banana boy!
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438. Want to be a star?
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439. Huh?
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