1. An interesting thing happened when I was
grading this assignment, Mr. Hunter.Copy !req
2. Yours wasn't there.Copy !req
3. Oh! I can explain that.Copy !req
4. I was speaking
to Mr. Hunter.Copy !req
5. Well, see, Shawn and I,
we think so much alikeCopy !req
6. that we decided
to write one paper.Copy !req
7. Really?
Yeah.Copy !req
8. Then you won't mind
sharing your grade.Copy !req
9. No. All right. So
what do we get?Copy !req
10. Well, this was a well thought out paper.
It deserves a B.Copy !req
11. Very fair.Copy !req
12. Divided by two,Copy !req
13. makes a D for you
and a D for you.Copy !req
14. Hey!Copy !req
15. Still fair. Still good.Copy !req
16. But, Mr. Feeny, come on. It's
the middle of our senior year.Copy !req
17. Okay, why are you being so tough
on us with these assignments?Copy !req
18. You know, you're right. Let's forget
about those D's. Make it two Fs.Copy !req
19. No! Don't fail them.Copy !req
20. Ah! The third musketeer
chimes in.Copy !req
21. An F follows you around
for the rest of your life.Copy !req
22. Okay. We'll take your D's.Copy !req
23. Our college applications
are already in.Copy !req
24. Yeah, well,
yours are.Copy !req
25. What, you haven't sent your
college applications in?Copy !req
26. Shawn, I filled
them out for you.Copy !req
27. Cory, don't start, okay?
What's the point?Copy !req
28. People like me
don't go to college.Copy !req
29. Do your assignments, Mr. Hunter,
and you'll go to college.Copy !req
30. And if I get in, how am I
supposed to afford it, huh?Copy !req
31. There's just so many things
standing in the way.Copy !req
32. Besides, I mean, why are we
doing all these assignments?Copy !req
33. They're just busywork.
What's left to learn?Copy !req
34. Uh... Mr. Feeny, he just means
that we've been here four years,Copy !req
35. and there's nothing really
left that you can teach us.Copy !req
36. Whoa! Look at Feeny, man.Copy !req
37. Feeny, you okay?Copy !req
38. Shawn! This is that
moment that we talked about.Copy !req
39. Yeah, he's definitely
gonna blow.Copy !req
40. Stand up.Copy !req
41. Okay. This is bad.Copy !req
42. The rest of the class,
please leave.Copy !req
43. Bad, bad.Copy !req
44. Goodbye. Goodbye.Copy !req
45. Mr. Feeny, why don't you just
give them a makeup assignment?Copy !req
46. Don't fail them.Copy !req
47. You'd better stay, too,
you little control freak.Copy !req
48. So, just because you sent in
your college applications,Copy !req
49. nothing that I teach you
from now on means anything?Copy !req
50. I was just having this discussion
with them the other day.Copy !req
51. Quiet!Copy !req
52. You yelled at me.
But I'm Topanga.Copy !req
53. Shawn, I want this assignment brought
to my house by 5:00 this afternoon.Copy !req
54. This afternoon today?
That's impossible.Copy !req
55. Oh, no.Copy !req
56. He's keyed into
something you said.Copy !req
57. This afternoon today?Copy !req
58. Why doesn't he just ask me to come
up with tickets to the Super Bowl?Copy !req
59. Mr. Hunter, here's
your new assignment,Copy !req
60. to come up with two tickets to the
Super Bowl by the end of the week.Copy !req
61. Oh, come on, Mr. Feeny...Copy !req
62. Quiet!Copy !req
63. You yelled at me.Copy !req
64. But I'm Topanga.Copy !req
65. Mr. Feeny, what are you
so upset about?Copy !req
66. Miss Lawrence, I have an
assignment for you as well.Copy !req
67. Butt out of other people's
lives for one week.Copy !req
68. Otherwise, you get an F.Copy !req
69. But I've never
failed before.Copy !req
70. There's a first
time for everything.Copy !req
71. That argument doesn't
get you anywhere with her.Copy !req
72. And as for you,
Mr. Matthews,Copy !req
73. since you feel so responsible
for your friends' fate,Copy !req
74. I put their fate
in your hands.Copy !req
75. Their success
is your success.Copy !req
76. But if either of
them fails, so do you.Copy !req
77. Thanks a lot, Topanga.Copy !req
78. Hey. Didn't hear you
come in last night.Copy !req
79. Must have had a pretty good
time on your date, huh?Copy !req
80. The evening began at 7:00.Copy !req
81. It started with some intimate
pre-dinner conversationCopy !req
82. at a quaint little Mexican
place I happen to know.Copy !req
83. Came back here and...Copy !req
84. Let's just say my clothes
were off within five minutes.Copy !req
85. You opened your big mouth.
She walked out.Copy !req
86. You ate alone
at Taco Bell,Copy !req
87. came home, took off all your
clothes, and were asleep by 8:00.Copy !req
88. How'd you do?Copy !req
89. Not as good.Copy !req
90. Jack, what are
we gonna do?Copy !req
91. I don't know.
It's not us.Copy !req
92. No, it is not us.
You know who it is?Copy !req
93. Them.
All of them.Copy !req
94. We need to make a change.Copy !req
95. Yeah. It's time to be
more choosy, my friend,Copy !req
96. find women who are
more compatible.Copy !req
97. You know something?
You're right.Copy !req
98. No more randomly just picking out
women, hoping that they like us.Copy !req
99. I say we embark upon a mission
to find our perfect companions,Copy !req
100. our soul mates.Copy !req
101. What about them?Copy !req
102. Hey, you two!Copy !req
103. No, not...Copy !req
104. Yeah, okay, you!Copy !req
105. Today's
forecast is chilly in PhillyCopy !req
106. as the record-breaking
cold snap continues.Copy !req
107. Okay. What do you got?Copy !req
108. I got four can't-miss ways on
how to get Super Bowl tickets.Copy !req
109. Okay. Give me
the best one.Copy !req
110. I go back in time to
the first Super BowlCopy !req
111. when tickets
weren't that hard to get.Copy !req
112. Good. Good.
Very good.Copy !req
113. I don't need to hear
the other three.Copy !req
114. If you're gonna
go back in time,Copy !req
115. you could do
the original assignment,Copy !req
116. and we wouldn't be
in this mess.Copy !req
117. Topanga, butting in in musical
form is still butting in.Copy !req
118. Oh! Oh! Ask Topanga. That was my next idea.
We get advice from Topanga.Copy !req
119. If I give advice,
I get an F.Copy !req
120. You can afford one
stinking F in your life.Copy !req
121. No! I can't!Copy !req
122. I've worked very hard
to be perfect up till now.Copy !req
123. I am throwing up. I am
throwing up all over you.Copy !req
124. Okay! Are you ready
to win some Super Bowl tickets?Copy !req
125. Okay. If I was a pair of Super
Bowl tickets, how would I find me?Copy !req
126. It's an interesting
question, Shawn.Copy !req
127. Another interesting
question,Copy !req
128. why would Feeny make such
an impossible assignment?Copy !req
129. We've got the
last pair of Super Bowl ticketsCopy !req
130. available in the
known universe!Copy !req
131. And we're down to 10 more chances
to win them, so call me now.Copy !req
132. Topanga! Will you turn down the radio?
We're trying to think here.Copy !req
133. No jazzercise
in the kitchen.Copy !req
134. And we're down
to our five final callers.Copy !req
135. 555-wkzn. That's 555-wkzn.Copy !req
136. I think she's trying
to tell us something.Copy !req
137. Well, you know her
better than I do.Copy !req
138. Okay, okay. Bowl.Copy !req
139. Can. There's trouble
in the Balkans?Copy !req
140. Is that what
the radio said, girl?Copy !req
141. Soup.Copy !req
142. Bowl.Copy !req
143. Soup or bowl.Copy !req
144. All right, soup.Copy !req
145. 555-wkzn, 102.5,Copy !req
146. and we're down
to our last callerCopy !req
147. for a chance to go
to the Super Bowl!Copy !req
148. Hey! They're giving away
tickets to the Super Bowl.Copy !req
149. And we almost missed it!
Thanks a lot, Topanga!Copy !req
150. Hello? Yeah?Copy !req
151. I'm caller 20!Copy !req
152. Yes!Copy !req
153. What?Copy !req
154. I gotta do what?Copy !req
155. If you're wondering why
everybody's looking up at the sky,Copy !req
156. it's because there are
people on that billboard!Copy !req
157. Hey, hey, this is Johnny Latte
from the 102.5 wkzn morning zoo!Copy !req
158. And we're coming
at you liveCopy !req
159. from our billboard
in downtown Philadelphia,Copy !req
160. where it's a crisp and clean,
no-caffeine 16 degrees out here.Copy !req
161. Let's check out
our remaining four...Copy !req
162. Our remaining three
freezing contestants.Copy !req
163. I'm here with a small but very
loyal crowd of well-wishers.Copy !req
164. Jump!Copy !req
165. And the obligatory lunatic.Copy !req
166. We'll be back with hour 32
of our Super Bowl madnessCopy !req
167. right after this
word from The Bahamas.Copy !req
168. Hey, hey!Copy !req
169. How are you? I brought you
some hot chocolate.Copy !req
170. Thank you so much, Cory.Copy !req
171. Wait a minute. I can't do this.
This isn't right.Copy !req
172. That's it.Copy !req
173. I don't even like football.Copy !req
174. I like billboards, and
you've ruined this for me.Copy !req
175. Well, okay!
One more guy down.Copy !req
176. Shawn, there's only one more guy,
and we're at the Super Bowl.Copy !req
177. I can't win this, Cory.Copy !req
178. No, no!
Of course you can win.Copy !req
179. You've made it down to one more
guy, and I'm here to help you.Copy !req
180. What can I do for you?Copy !req
181. Cory, look at the other guy.Copy !req
182. The other guy's
an Eskimo.Copy !req
183. And he's eating
an ice-cream cone.Copy !req
184. He's from
the Inuit tribe.Copy !req
185. He comes to Philadelphia
with his family every JanuaryCopy !req
186. for summer vacation.Copy !req
187. Hey!Copy !req
188. I really thought I had a chance
to go to the Super Bowl,Copy !req
189. but I guess I never
really did, huh?Copy !req
190. There's always
gonna be an EskimoCopy !req
191. standing in my way,
isn't there, Cory?Copy !req
192. Come on.
I'll help you down.Copy !req
193. This whole thing
was impossible.Copy !req
194. Feeny knew that.Copy !req
195. All right, Mr. Feeny,
we got this one figured out.Copy !req
196. You got the
Super Bowl tickets?Copy !req
197. This was never about
Super Bowl tickets.Copy !req
198. It wasn't?Copy !req
199. You don't think we
know you, Mr. Feeny?Copy !req
200. You don't think we know that when
you're teaching us something,Copy !req
201. we should look for the
lesson behind the lesson?Copy !req
202. Well, we looked, and we figured
this one out all by ourselves.Copy !req
203. And I didn't even
help them, Mr. Feeny.Copy !req
204. Even though we think
something's impossible,Copy !req
205. we still should have tried
because that's all you wanted.Copy !req
206. You wanted us to try.Copy !req
207. And even though it's not important
to do work during our senior year,Copy !req
208. we should still make
you think we're trying.Copy !req
209. You see? You see how I haven't given
them any advice on what to say?Copy !req
210. I don't fail. I don't.Copy !req
211. Now, aren't you proud
of us, Mr. Feeny, huh?Copy !req
212. Where are the
Super Bowl tickets?Copy !req
213. "Where are the
tickets?" Good one.Copy !req
214. You know we don't
have any tickets!Copy !req
215. Mr. Feeny, that...Copy !req
216. No, Miss Lawrence.Copy !req
217. All you had to do
was stay out of it.Copy !req
218. And you had to
help them succeed.Copy !req
219. That was the assignment.Copy !req
220. Now, where are
the tickets?Copy !req
221. Mr. Feeny,
I really tried.Copy !req
222. We know that's
what you wanted.Copy !req
223. You have no idea
what I want.Copy !req
224. Get the tickets or fail.Copy !req
225. Mr. Feeny...Copy !req
226. Stay out of it or fail.Copy !req
227. Mr. Feeny, come on.
How are we...Copy !req
228. Help them both or fail.Copy !req
229. Thanks a lot, Topanga.Copy !req
230. What are you doing?
They'll be here any minute.Copy !req
231. I have a psych
test on Monday.Copy !req
232. You see, this is why you'll never
end up with any woman worth having.Copy !req
233. We finally
met two girlsCopy !req
234. that are different than any other
girls we've ever dated before.Copy !req
235. Why?Copy !req
236. Because they're
coming back!Copy !req
237. You know why
they're coming back?Copy !req
238. Because they see in us what we
see in them, compatibility.Copy !req
239. We're perfect
for each other.Copy !req
240. You're putting your studies
before your soul mate.Copy !req
241. I'm studying so I can give my
soul mate a nice life someday.Copy !req
242. Do like me.
Be a secret agent.Copy !req
243. I mean, once
you're in the CIA,Copy !req
244. they take care
of you for life.Copy !req
245. Or they kill you.Copy !req
246. Soul mates.Copy !req
247. Oh, please!Copy !req
248. What are the chances
we just happened to findCopy !req
249. two girls who are
anything like us?Copy !req
250. What are the chances
that we didn't?Copy !req
251. Hi, Eric.
Hey, Jack.Copy !req
252. Boy, do we have an
evening planned for you.Copy !req
253. Yeah, a wonderful little French
restaurant with only four tables.Copy !req
254. Seven courses, and we
can linger for hours.Copy !req
255. Hope you brought
your fat pants, ladies.Copy !req
256. I love French food,
but I can't stay too lateCopy !req
257. because I have
an exam on Monday.Copy !req
258. Hey! Give me a couple of
tacos, and I'm a happy girl.Copy !req
259. But I got these
reservations.Copy !req
260. Taco!Copy !req
261. I love tacos.Copy !req
262. But he has
reservations.Copy !req
263. We can't just
not show up, man!Copy !req
264. Taco!Copy !req
265. Well, you ready?
Okay, great.Copy !req
266. Yeah. Let's go.Copy !req
267. So, Jill, tell me
about yourself.Copy !req
268. Do you have any
brothers or sisters?Copy !req
269. One sister.Copy !req
270. We were separated when
my parents divorced,Copy !req
271. but I reconnected with her
when I came to Pennbrook.Copy !req
272. Pretty weird, huh?Copy !req
273. Unbelievable.Copy !req
274. So, Carol, what
are you studying?Copy !req
275. You don't need to study
for what I'm gonna do.Copy !req
276. Once you're in the CIA, they
take care of you for life.Copy !req
277. Or they...Copy !req
278. Kill you.Copy !req
279. I want Carol.Copy !req
280. Jill's perfect for me.Copy !req
281. Jack and Jill, why
didn't we see it before?Copy !req
282. Eric and Carol?Copy !req
283. I told you
he'd be here.Copy !req
284. No, you didn't! You were waving
a dollar and yawning at me.Copy !req
285. Bill-bored! How much
simpler could it be?Copy !req
286. Well, you could have
just said it.Copy !req
287. That would be butting in. So far, I'm
the only one not getting an F...Copy !req
288. Foot on my head!
Foot on my head!Copy !req
289. Hey, Lucy! Ricky!
I'm up here trying to think.Copy !req
290. What are you thinking about?Copy !req
291. Whenever I've wanted
anything in my life,Copy !req
292. there's always been an
Eskimo standing in my way.Copy !req
293. One word.Copy !req
294. Sounds like...Copy !req
295. Metaphor!Copy !req
296. Oh!Copy !req
297. You remember when you
went to summer campCopy !req
298. and I couldn't
afford to?Copy !req
299. That was an Eskimo.Copy !req
300. Uh-huh.Copy !req
301. All the other kids grew up in
real houses with real backyards.Copy !req
302. I grew up
in a trailer park.Copy !req
303. Eskimo.Copy !req
304. There's just so many
things standing in my way.Copy !req
305. Well, I'm going
to the Super Bowl.Copy !req
306. Shawn, you don't
have any tickets.Copy !req
307. I don't care! You have
no way of getting there.Copy !req
308. It doesn't matter!Copy !req
309. Cory, people like me,
we don't go anywhereCopy !req
310. because we don't believe
that we can get there!Copy !req
311. I'm my own
worst Eskimo!Copy !req
312. Shawn, listen to me.
I'm trying to help you here.Copy !req
313. You don't have
to go anywhere.Copy !req
314. Yes, I do!Copy !req
315. I do have to go somewhere because
if I don't, I'll never go anywhere.Copy !req
316. Now be my best friend
and get out of my way.Copy !req
317. You're sitting
very close to me.Copy !req
318. And why are you sitting
next to me, anyway?Copy !req
319. I think
you're confused.Copy !req
320. You think I'm confused?Copy !req
321. Your name is Carol. You want to
work in espionage. You love tacos.Copy !req
322. You have no idea
what color amber is.Copy !req
323. Now who's confused?Copy !req
324. I am.Copy !req
325. And you're sitting
even closer to me now.Copy !req
326. Your studies are important to you,
you appreciate French cuisine,Copy !req
327. and you want to read The Sunday
Times book review sectionCopy !req
328. in an unfurnished apartment while
you lie on the hardwood floorCopy !req
329. with your lover
massaging your bare feet.Copy !req
330. Yeah. So?Copy !req
331. All right. Now you're sitting way
too close. You're hitting on me.Copy !req
332. Am I?Copy !req
333. Yes! What is
going on here?Copy !req
334. Listen to me. Carol, don't you see?
We were meant for each other.Copy !req
335. I mean, the reason
I want someone like youCopy !req
336. is because you're
someone like me.Copy !req
337. Hey.Copy !req
338. I'm here to see Jack. I
thought you two were friends.Copy !req
339. Best friends. We support
each other entirely.Copy !req
340. Eric's a moron!Copy !req
341. I lay his clothes
out in the morning!Copy !req
342. You and I belong together.Copy !req
343. We're like peanut
butter and jelly.Copy !req
344. We're like jelly
and jelly.Copy !req
345. Jack.Copy !req
346. I am not comfortable here.Copy !req
347. Eric, I'd like to leave.Copy !req
348. I'm with Carol.
How rude.Copy !req
349. At least let me
walk you home.Copy !req
350. That way we can talk, and you can see
how right we are for each other.Copy !req
351. What is going on here?Copy !req
352. We were just switching you around!
What's the big deal?Copy !req
353. Wait, wait! We just wanted to establish
serious meaningful relationships.Copy !req
354. With a couple of hotties who
have the same interests we do!Copy !req
355. Don't you want that, too?Copy !req
356. Now, I know you do!Copy !req
357. You, I don't know
what you want.Copy !req
358. Well, we just went out with
you 'cause you were cute.Copy !req
359. Besides, why would we want to be
with someone exactly like ourselves?Copy !req
360. Nobody makes a sandwich
out of jelly and jelly!Copy !req
361. That would be tedious
and redundant.Copy !req
362. We have the same
vocabulary.Copy !req
363. We could look those
words up together.Copy !req
364. I don't want to look
those words up with you.Copy !req
365. I want somebody who can
tell me what they mean.Copy !req
366. I spend
all day with me.Copy !req
367. You seemed like fun,
and now we'll never know.Copy !req
368. We learned an important
lesson here today, Jack.Copy !req
369. Yeah, looks like
finding soul matesCopy !req
370. isn't going to be
as easy as we thought.Copy !req
371. Maybe we can't
just find them.Copy !req
372. Maybe the girls taught us
we were too aggressive,Copy !req
373. and we just
have to sit backCopy !req
374. and let the universe
bring our soul mates to us.Copy !req
375. You're a wise man,
Jack Hunter.Copy !req
376. I guess they're actually
not coming after us.Copy !req
377. Those idiots.Copy !req
378. Mr. Feeny, I failed you.Copy !req
379. As we speak, our young Shawn
is foolishly rolling westwardCopy !req
380. towards San Diego
and certain disappointment.Copy !req
381. Did he get the tickets?Copy !req
382. No. He said the tickets
didn't matter.Copy !req
383. He said nothing mattered
and that he'd find a way in.Copy !req
384. That's what he said, huh?Copy !req
385. Yeah. I mean, I was
standing in front of him,Copy !req
386. and he asked me to move out
of the way so he could go.Copy !req
387. And did you move out of
the way, Mr. Matthews?Copy !req
388. Well, yeah. I mean,
I really felt like I should.Copy !req
389. I know the assignment
was to help him succeed,Copy !req
390. but, Mr. Feeny, it was like he didn't
need my help on this one, you know?Copy !req
391. He was gonna do this one on
his own, no matter what.Copy !req
392. Guess I failed, huh?Copy !req
393. On the contrary, Mr. Matthews,
you passed with flying colorsCopy !req
394. and so does Mr. Hunter.Copy !req
395. Of course we did.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
396. And clearly you've
wasted all your time,Copy !req
397. as I continue to
comprehend nothing.Copy !req
398. Cory, Shawn isn't
going to go to collegeCopy !req
399. and succeed because
you want him to.Copy !req
400. He has to want to and
believe that he can.Copy !req
401. And the only way he can do that
is on his own without your help.Copy !req
402. Then why did you
want me to help him?Copy !req
403. You need to know you
won't always be able to.Copy !req
404. Yeah, like pretty soon we're all
gonna have to do things on our ownCopy !req
405. without someone's help.Copy !req
406. Right, Mr. Feeny?Copy !req
407. I think I understand
why you've been so upset.Copy !req
408. And I think I know why you're
gonna keep giving us assignmentsCopy !req
409. every day until our
last day with you.Copy !req
410. Miss Lawrence,
you're butting in.Copy !req
411. Yeah, I am, so fail me.
That's life.Copy !req
412. You won't be
perfect anymore.Copy !req
413. No one should be perfect.Copy !req
414. Besides, you learn
from failure.Copy !req
415. And I need to
know that, right?Copy !req
416. You just yelled at me.Copy !req
417. But I'm Mr. Feeny.Copy !req
418. One day you're going
to have to let us go.Copy !req
419. One day you won't be
able to teach us anymore,Copy !req
420. and you can't be sure if
we're going to be all right.Copy !req
421. Life is a lot tougher
than school, my dears.Copy !req
422. But the right thing to do is just
step aside and let us live it.Copy !req
423. I mean, we learned that
because you taught it to us.Copy !req
424. Oh! What a game!Copy !req
425. This is the best Super Bowl
since Super Bowl XX!Copy !req
426. Yes!Copy !req
427. This makes them so happy.Copy !req
428. What else is on?Copy !req
429. Well, Fox is
counterprogrammingCopy !req
430. with America's Worst
Family Atrocities.Copy !req
431. You change that channel, and
you're gonna be on that program.Copy !req
432. Yeah! Go! Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
433. Yeah!Copy !req
434. Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
435. Look at that!Copy !req
436. Look at what, George?
That play's over.Copy !req
437. I'm looking
at the crowd!Copy !req
438. Look at the boy
holding up the sign!Copy !req
439. Which one?Copy !req
440. The one that says, "Hey, Feeny.
Nothing's impossible."Copy !req