1. So I send in the form,
and if my mom wants to meet me too,Copy !req
2. - then we meet?
- Yeah.Copy !req
3. And if she doesn't want to meet me,Copy !req
4. then I get to feel that hot sting
of rejection all over again.Copy !req
5. What a fun adventure this all is.Copy !req
6. You know what is fun? You coming with me
to my first day on my new show.Copy !req
7. "BoJack Horseman
in F.H.B.A. Los Angeles,Copy !req
8. starring BoJack Horseman
as 'the Judge.'"Copy !req
9. What is F.H.B.A. ?Copy !req
10. I think it's one of those shows
about Navy sex crimes that have gone cold?Copy !req
11. And there may be numbers or something?
Then, they call "the Judge."Copy !req
12. I'm just excited to get out of the house.Copy !req
13. I've been getting really fidgety
cooped up on that hill.Copy !req
14. Like I got tiny little bumps
crawling aroundCopy !req
15. on the inside of my skin, you know?Copy !req
16. Totally. Look at this guy,
texting in the middle of the intersection.Copy !req
17. You have been judged
to be a shitty driver.Copy !req
18. I'm the Judge.
I sentence you to kiss my ass.Copy !req
19. Boom!Copy !req
20. You got "judged."Copy !req
21. It feels good
to be a dramatic actor again.Copy !req
22. To make someone laugh
is a craft, to be sure,Copy !req
23. but to make someone cry, on purpose,
that is a precious gift.Copy !req
24. Hey, I'm Miles, the production intern.
Can I get you anything? Water?Copy !req
25. That's so sweet of you.Copy !req
26. Actually, that's so his job of him.Copy !req
27. - Hey, PA, whose name I already forgot.
- It's Miles, and I'm an intern.Copy !req
28. Still not interested. Can you take
my daughter to "video village"?Copy !req
29. I wanna make sure she sees me
at my most awesome,Copy !req
30. which is with a slightly high angle
to avoid appearance of a double chin.Copy !req
31. Note to director.Copy !req
32. - Right this way.
- Okay.Copy !req
33. Quiet!Copy !req
34. Rolling!Copy !req
35. Previously on F.H.B.A. Los Angeles...Copy !req
36. I may be a human rights lawyer,
but those skanks are human wrongs.Copy !req
37. I'll tell you the same thing
I tell kids in the cancer ward.Copy !req
38. I'm not here to make friends.Copy !req
39. I'm here to win and/or cure cancer.Copy !req
40. Tonight, the girls
return from Booty Boot CampCopy !req
41. and face new judge, BoJack Horseman.Copy !req
42. Will BoJack turn the other cheek,Copy !req
43. or is this the week
the booties hit the floor?Copy !req
44. This is Felicity Huffman's
Booty Academy: Los Angeles!Copy !req
45. Um... what's all this then?Copy !req
46. On Booty Academy,
we're here to find outCopy !req
47. who's got the right behind
and who's going to be left behind.Copy !req
48. BoJack, do you have anything
you'd like to say to the contestantsCopy !req
49. before we give our verdict?Copy !req
50. No, I'm good.Copy !req
51. Very well.
Calliope, you are "ready for this jelly."Copy !req
52. You can stay another week.Copy !req
53. Tasha, our 'anaconda don't want none."Copy !req
54. Cover up your bottom and go.Copy !req
55. No!Copy !req
56. Your booty's been adjudicated!Copy !req
57. Cut!Copy !req
58. This is bullshit!Copy !req
59. - Callin' my manager!
- Remind me what this show is?Copy !req
60. - I know, remind me?
- ... my publicist!Copy !req
61. Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy.Copy !req
62. It was supposed to beCopy !req
63. Felicity Huffman's
Future Leaders of America,Copy !req
64. but it got retooled a little
by the network.Copy !req
65. So are we judging who has the best booty?Copy !req
66. Whoa, BoJack, no.
That is so degrading.Copy !req
67. So if it's not about their butts,
then why is the other judge Sir Mix-A-Lot?Copy !req
68. Because I'm an honest and impartial judge.Copy !req
69. And if there's one thing I'm famous for,
it's that I cannot lie.Copy !req
70. Yeah, I guess that would be the one thing.Copy !req
71. Hey, can we go home now?Copy !req
72. Being around all these skinny L.A. ladies
makes me feel like a blob.Copy !req
73. Well, I gotta shoot
for, like, ten more hours.Copy !req
74. Are you serious?Copy !req
75. Apparently, it takes three hours to set up
the "badonka-donka-dobstacle course."Copy !req
76. So making TV is like a full-time job?
Then why is it so bad?Copy !req
77. I just assumed people weren't trying.Copy !req
78. Uh, I don't mean to butt in here,
but shouldn't your daughter be in school?Copy !req
79. Shouldn't you be
"Sir Minding-Your-Own-Business-A-Lot"?Copy !req
80. I graduated early and took a gap year.Copy !req
81. My friend Maryssa is backpacking
through Europe,Copy !req
82. but lucky me, I get to hang out
in this butt-infested warehouse.Copy !req
83. Oh. All right.Copy !req
84. Someone better be checking
the pH levels of that JacuzziCopy !req
85. because these bitches are basic.Copy !req
86. Hey, you wanna explore the back lot?Copy !req
87. They got a whole area that was built
to look like downtown Toronto.Copy !req
88. That's where they shoot the stuff
set in New York.Copy !req
89. Are you allowed to just leave the set?Copy !req
90. What are they gonna do? Dock my pay?Copy !req
91. I'm an intern. They don't pay me.
I got all the power!Copy !req
92. Princess Carolyn,
you are going to love Stilton Acres.Copy !req
93. We have a sauna and a tennis court
and a giant hedge maze.Copy !req
94. And if you make it all the way through
the maze, you get some sugar water.Copy !req
95. And you're gonna love
the Feast of Saint Squeaky.Copy !req
96. It's the holiest of all mouse holidays.Copy !req
97. We prepare a feast of Swiss—Copy !req
98. Because it's the holiest of all cheeses?Copy !req
99. Because it was all our ancestors
could carryCopy !req
100. when they were trying to escape
for their lives.Copy !req
101. Oh— because it has holes!Copy !req
102. - That's very funny.
- Thanks.Copy !req
103. I really want you and my parents
to get along.Copy !req
104. They can be kind of a lot,
especially around the holidays.Copy !req
105. I'm sure I'm going to love them.Copy !req
106. And they're gonna love me.
I'm Princess Carolyn!Copy !req
107. I'm sure they will too.Copy !req
108. But let's wait
until after they love youCopy !req
109. to tell them about, you know, Philbert.Copy !req
110. Of course. But what about her?Copy !req
111. Don't worry. She's on her phone.Copy !req
112. Unless Ralph and Princess Carolyn's
secret baby starts to trend,Copy !req
113. she won't notice anything we do or say.Copy !req
114. Stefani? Stefani?Copy !req
115. Whoa.Copy !req
116. Katrina!
Just the person I wanted to talk to!Copy !req
117. - How's hotel life?
- Marvelous!Copy !req
118. Room service, tiny ketchup bottles,
handy list of cable channels.Copy !req
119. Now I know why so many people
like being homeless.Copy !req
120. - Mr. Peanutbutter, that's not—
- On the phone, darling.Copy !req
121. Well, I just found you
the perfect new campaign headquarters.Copy !req
122. I'm gonna sign the lease now,Copy !req
123. unless you think of a reason
I shouldn't.Copy !req
124. Nothing comes to mind.Copy !req
125. Great! It's done.
Now, what did you wanna talk to me about?Copy !req
126. - I'm dropping out of the race.
- What?Copy !req
127. Woodchuck's a better leader
than I'll ever be.Copy !req
128. This election is about bigger things
than just you and Woodchuck.Copy !req
129. What is it about then?Copy !req
130. It's about hope, and freedom,
and powerful lobbyistsCopy !req
131. who pay me to elect
a governor I can controlCopy !req
132. so we can get legislation passed
that allows them to build private prisonsCopy !req
133. on what are now protected wetlands.Copy !req
134. Well, hopefully those evil lobbyists
can find some other puppetCopy !req
135. to do their bidding.Copy !req
136. Why would you hope that?Copy !req
137. I'm done running for governor,
so you're fired.Copy !req
138. No hard feelings, right?Copy !req
139. You idiot. I will end you!Copy !req
140. Bye, Cruella!Copy !req
141. - Hello.
- Stefani!Copy !req
142. - Hello.
- Oh, darling, you're home.Copy !req
143. - Nice to meet you.
- Princess Carolyn!Copy !req
144. - Hello.
- I'm Poppy! This is my wife, Mimi.Copy !req
145. And this is our son, Sissy.Copy !req
146. And this is my wife, Missy.Copy !req
147. And the boys,
Tweeds, Nantucket, and Loophole!Copy !req
148. Ugh.Copy !req
149. It's so wonderful to meet you all!Copy !req
150. - Can I get you a cocktail?
- Oh. No, thank you.Copy !req
151. - Wine?
- That's all right.Copy !req
152. I will consider it a personal affront
if you won't at least have a beer.Copy !req
153. - I shouldn't.
- What about a very caffeinated coffee?Copy !req
154. - No.
- Raw shellfish?Copy !req
155. - Not tonight.
- Cigarette?Copy !req
156. - I don't smoke.
- That's okay.Copy !req
157. You can just stand around me
while I smoke.Copy !req
158. No, I don't want to.Copy !req
159. Cocaine, then?Copy !req
160. I so appreciate that,
and I hate to be rude,Copy !req
161. but I really don't think it's a good idea.Copy !req
162. Would you like me to punch you
in the belly real quickCopy !req
163. so you remember
what it's like to be alive?Copy !req
164. That's a rich person thing.Copy !req
165. Oh, I know.
I grew up around rich people.Copy !req
166. But I'm actually good,
as far as belly-punchings go.Copy !req
167. Well, can I at least offer you a ride
on our private rollercoaster?Copy !req
168. Surely, there's no reason
you wouldn't want to do that.Copy !req
169. - So if you decline, I will be offended.
- Oh.Copy !req
170. Also, not that it's relevant,Copy !req
171. but the rollercoaster
is specifically discouragedCopy !req
172. for children under five
and pregnant women.Copy !req
173. But since you are neither of those,Copy !req
174. obviously, there's no reason
you will not want to rideCopy !req
175. on our family's really fun rollercoaster.Copy !req
176. - Okay, look, the truth is—
- Hey, Dad!Copy !req
177. Why don't you tell Princess Carolyn
one of your great golf stories?Copy !req
178. - Say, there's an idea.
- Yes!Copy !req
179. So here I am with a mashie
when what I need is a niblick.Copy !req
180. Wow, golf. Fore! Am I right?Copy !req
181. Yes, that's exactly right. Golf.Copy !req
182. Californians, this is an endorsement!Copy !req
183. My message is simple.Copy !req
184. If you want to vote Peanutbutter,
vote Coodchuck-BerkowitzCopy !req
185. because a vote for Coodchuck-Berkowitz
is a vote for Peanutbutter.Copy !req
186. Uh—Copy !req
187. Since Peanutbutter
likes Coodchuck-Berkowitz.Copy !req
188. So if you like Coodchuck-Berkowitz,
vote like Mr. Peanutbutter...Copy !req
189. - Excuse me—
- ... for Woodchuck Coodchuck-Berkowitz.Copy !req
190. So if we want to vote for Woodchuck,
we should vote for you?Copy !req
191. - No.
- Yes.Copy !req
192. - By voting for Woodchuck.
- Thank you, Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
193. I look forward to moving pastCopy !req
194. the political divisiveness
of this campaignCopy !req
195. and finally focusing on the issues.Copy !req
196. What's with the gorilla feet?Copy !req
197. As I've explained before,Copy !req
198. my hands were crushed
during the fracking incident.Copy !req
199. There were no hand transplants
readily available,Copy !req
200. but gorilla feet are somewhat hand-like.Copy !req
201. So I am using them temporarilyCopy !req
202. while my doctors
find me more suitable replacements.Copy !req
203. They sure made a monkey out of you, huh?Copy !req
204. They did no such thing.Copy !req
205. Gorillas are apes.Copy !req
206. I feel that went pretty well.Copy !req
207. Yes, well, thank you
for dropping out of the race.Copy !req
208. Rest assured, under my stewardship,
the state will be in good—Copy !req
209. - You were gonna say "hands," weren't you?
- Ugh.Copy !req
210. So, what's next for us two amigos?Copy !req
211. Mr. Peanutbutter,
we don't need your help on the campaign.Copy !req
212. We are running virtually unopposed.
I think our team can handle it from here.Copy !req
213. Wha-wha-wha-what?Copy !req
214. The best way you can help us
is to go back to your regular lifeCopy !req
215. and stay out of politics forever.Copy !req
216. So this chapter of my life is over?
Doggy, doggy. What now?Copy !req
217. Coochy-coochy-coochy...Copy !req
218. Hey, Mom.
You got something in the mail.Copy !req
219. Have I received
any gentleman callers today?Copy !req
220. I'm expecting a visit
from Corbin Creamerman.Copy !req
221. You know what? I'll check.Copy !req
222. You could learn a thing or two
from him, Henrietta!Copy !req
223. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
224. - Hey, where have you been?
- I'll make coffee.Copy !req
225. Oh, uh...Copy !req
226. well, Miles actually took me
to check out UCLA.Copy !req
227. He took me to a party,
and I got to sleep in a dorm room, and...Copy !req
228. Wow, look at the time.
That's enough questioning of me,Copy !req
229. and where I've been,
and what I've been doing. See ya later!Copy !req
230. Hold up.
Did you and that PA hook up last night?Copy !req
231. BoJack! We didn't just hook up.Copy !req
232. Miles is a really interesting soul,Copy !req
233. - and I feel like we connected.
- Oh, boy. Okay. Sit down.Copy !req
234. Hollyhock, you are never gonna hear
from that guy again.Copy !req
235. Okay, actually, I am,Copy !req
236. because when I left his dorm
he said he would,Copy !req
237. and I quote, "Definitely text me."Copy !req
238. Oh, wow, I didn't realize.Copy !req
239. Should we plan the wedding for youCopy !req
240. and teenage-boy-you-slept-with
who-said-he-would-definitely-text-you"?Copy !req
241. Very funny.Copy !req
242. Believe me, I take no pleasure
in telling you this,Copy !req
243. but that kid is never, ever, ever—Copy !req
244. - Ooh! BoJack—
- Hollyhock, it is very rude to interrupt.Copy !req
245. Now, where was I?Copy !req
246. Right. You'll never ever
hear from this guy again.Copy !req
247. - But, I—
- Ba-ba-ba!Copy !req
248. In fact, if he texts you,
I will do a hundred pushups.Copy !req
249. That's how sure I am,
since there is no possible way—Copy !req
250. "Had a great time last night. Kilometers."Copy !req
251. "Kilometers"?Copy !req
252. It's an inside joke between me and Miles.Copy !req
253. Not inside enough.
I figured it out and it's dumb.Copy !req
254. He wants to take me to a party tonight.Copy !req
255. Shouldn't you be doing pushups?Copy !req
256. Nope, can't. Impossible.Copy !req
257. Anyone who says
they did a pushup is lying.Copy !req
258. That him canceling? Classic move.Copy !req
259. No, he wants to spend the day together.Copy !req
260. Oh. Well, you wanna
have breakfast first?Copy !req
261. I got a box of crullers,
of which one remains.Copy !req
262. Nah, I'm good with this coffee.Copy !req
263. I'll be home for dinner, though. Bye!Copy !req
264. Okay.Copy !req
265. Forty-six, 47...Copy !req
266. Ah! I could do this all day.Copy !req
267. We have gathered in Todd's new apartment
to discuss the future of PB Livin'.Copy !req
268. You told me this was an interventionCopy !req
269. to get Todd to stop coming up
with awful ideas.Copy !req
270. That was a pretense
to get you to show up.Copy !req
271. - What?
- It was Todd's idea.Copy !req
272. What else you got, Todd?Copy !req
273. Well, I got this one thing.
I don't know. It might be pretty dumb.Copy !req
274. - You bite your tongue.
- Yes, bite it all the way off!Copy !req
275. All your ideas are beyond terrible.Copy !req
276. Well, in that case, I guess I must have
"terrible" business instincts.Copy !req
277. - You do!
- Because I wanna hear it.Copy !req
278. They say "the devil's in the details,"
so let's summon the devil!Copy !req
279. Okay, so you know how hard it isCopy !req
280. - to get your kids to go to the dentist?
- I don't.Copy !req
281. But what if dentists
had a friendlier face?Copy !req
282. Ooh!Copy !req
283. What if you could take your kids
to a dentist's officeCopy !req
284. where all the dentists were clowns?Copy !req
285. - What?
- Kids love clowns!Copy !req
286. - Do kids love clowns?
- Actually—Copy !req
287. Don't they?
Who else would clowns be for?Copy !req
288. Because adults don't love clowns.Copy !req
289. That is true.
Adults find clowns creepy and off-putting.Copy !req
290. So kids must love clowns,Copy !req
291. because otherwise,
why would there be clowns?Copy !req
292. That is sound logic. Okay.Copy !req
293. I want these clown dentists
laughing maniacallyCopy !req
294. as they drill into the teeth
of America's children, starting yesterday!Copy !req
295. As someone who does have children,
I have to say,Copy !req
296. a lot of kids
are actually terrified of clowns!Copy !req
297. Are they? Hm.Copy !req
298. That would have been helpful information
before I committed.Copy !req
299. But my word is my bond
and I already said yes, didn't I?Copy !req
300. Okay, so do we find dentists
and train them to be clowns,Copy !req
301. or do we get clowns
and train them to be dentists?Copy !req
302. Why don't we get clowns and dentists
and they can train each other?Copy !req
303. Oh, somebody call the police department,
because you are on fire!Copy !req
304. Aw, jeez.Copy !req
305. And without missing a beat, I say,Copy !req
306. "Well, when life gives you lemons,
make an Arnold Palmer."Copy !req
307. It's been so wonderful getting
to know you all these last few days.Copy !req
308. We're so happy to have you.
Now, let the festivities begin.Copy !req
309. - Sissy, hand out those cat ears.
- Cat ears?Copy !req
310. - And this is for you.
- I want those.Copy !req
311. See, the feast is about rememberingCopy !req
312. the ancient tale of a heroic mouse
named Squeaky.Copy !req
313. And we always start by wearing cat ears
and singing the song of Squeaky's enemy,Copy !req
314. the cat tyrant, King Pusspuss.Copy !req
315. Looks like Princess Carolyn
won't need any cat ears to look evil.Copy !req
316. Okay, that's actually a stereotype.
Cats do take baths.Copy !req
317. Darling, licking yourself
does not qualify.Copy !req
318. Aw, come on, it was funny.Copy !req
319. Oh! Right in the cat gut!Copy !req
320. Hooray!Copy !req
321. Sorry, it gets a little graphic.Copy !req
322. I really wish you'd told me
your family's holiday was so anti-cat.Copy !req
323. It's just an old story about one bad cat.
It's not about every cat.Copy !req
324. - Death to all cats!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
325. - All right!
- I forgot about that part.Copy !req
326. It's kinda like church.Copy !req
327. You say the words so many times,
you forget what they mean.Copy !req
328. Oh-hh...Copy !req
329. - Agh!
- Hello, Hollyhock.Copy !req
330. Oh, come on. Wait there.
There's a spare bulb in the kitchen.Copy !req
331. I've been sitting in that chair
for five hours waiting to do this.Copy !req
332. Agh, damn it! Son-of-a—! What?Copy !req
333. - Hello, Hollyhock.
- What are you trying to do?Copy !req
334. I'm trying to keep you out of trouble
with a showman's flair for the dramatic.Copy !req
335. I texted you I was gonna be home late.Copy !req
336. You don't tell me when
you're home late.Copy !req
337. This is my house.
You need to ask permission.Copy !req
338. - What? You're not my dads.
- I'm just looking out for you.Copy !req
339. You spent four days
with this kid, I'm worried—Copy !req
340. There's nothing to worry about!
We like each other.Copy !req
341. Yeah, now. But come on, Hollyhock.Copy !req
342. He's a teenage boyCopy !req
343. whose job is to be around hot women
in skimpy outfits all day.Copy !req
344. You think he's gonna want—Copy !req
345. What?Copy !req
346. No, I just mean that...Copy !req
347. What, you think
I'm not attractive enough for him?Copy !req
348. Well, you're the one
who said you were a blob.Copy !req
349. - Do you think I'm a blob?
- No.Copy !req
350. What kind of person
calls his own daughter a blob?Copy !req
351. - You said "blob."
- I said I "felt" like a blob.Copy !req
352. Do you think I'm a blob?Copy !req
353. I just—Copy !req
354. I just think L.A. is a superficial town
and you need to be careful.Copy !req
355. Well, Miles likes me just the way I am.Copy !req
356. And that's the kind of person
that I want to spend my time with.Copy !req
357. Hollyhock, wait. Wait. Wait!Copy !req
358. I get it! It's my weight!Copy !req
359. Yeah... I'm sorry about all that.Copy !req
360. Why didn't you tell me they hate cats?Copy !req
361. They don't hate cats.Copy !req
362. Now I get why you didn't want
to tell your family about the baby.Copy !req
363. Okay, I was a little nervous.
But they'll come around.Copy !req
364. Besides, what am I supposed to do?
They're my family.Copy !req
365. - And what are me and Philbert?
- Oh...Copy !req
366. Can't believe she's still pissed.Copy !req
367. You shouldn't have called her a "blob."Copy !req
368. I'm a blob too! We're both blobs!Copy !req
369. How about just as a general rule,
don't ever call a woman a blob?Copy !req
370. Never! What if I meet a woman
whose name is Barbara Lob?Copy !req
371. And I call her "B" for short. "B. Lob."Copy !req
372. Maybe instead of figuring out
the woman blob workaround,Copy !req
373. you should just tell Hollyhock
you're sorry.Copy !req
374. I still think Miles is up to something.Copy !req
375. Why is it so hard for you to believeCopy !req
376. someone could genuinely
like your daughter?Copy !req
377. Because she's like me!Copy !req
378. Okay. Do you think maybe this could be
more about you than it is about her?Copy !req
379. Yes, obviously, I have a lot of work
to do on myself. Everyone knows that.Copy !req
380. But the important thing right now
is how I can fix things with Hollyhock.Copy !req
381. Try to stay on topic, Diane.Copy !req
382. Well, an open conversation
about your concerns with—Copy !req
383. No, that's too Diane-y.
She'd never buy it was coming from me.Copy !req
384. Then why do you want my advice?Copy !req
385. I got it. If I can somehow prove to her
what a jerk Miles is,Copy !req
386. then she'll have to like me more
by default.Copy !req
387. That's the BoJack way.Copy !req
388. BoJack, no—!
Oh— oh...Copy !req
389. Ooh, that's... that's nice.Copy !req
390. Goldie, how would you like
to advance to the final round?Copy !req
391. I would do anything, and I mean, anything.Copy !req
392. - So I did it. I had sex with the PA.
- You had sex with him?Copy !req
393. That's what you wanted, right?Copy !req
394. I just said "seduce" the PA.Copy !req
395. Doesn't that mean have sex with him?Copy !req
396. No, I just wanted you to,
like, get him all hot and bothered.Copy !req
397. - Eh...?
- And ready to sleep with you.Copy !req
398. Then once you get him on audiotapeCopy !req
399. - saying that he would sleep with you...
- What?Copy !req
400. come up with some excuse to get
out of there with virtue intact.Copy !req
401. That's a lot of specifics
you just assumed I would know.Copy !req
402. Okay, well, the important thing is,
we got him now.Copy !req
403. Tell Miles what you told me.Copy !req
404. - I had sex with the PA.
- What PA?Copy !req
405. I think his name was "Eggberg"?Copy !req
406. - What? Not him?
- That's the intern.Copy !req
407. - You said "PA."
- Did you think I was a PA? Nice!Copy !req
408. Why'd you want her to sleep with me?Copy !req
409. Not sleep with.Copy !req
410. You told a contestant
you would advance her to the final roundCopy !req
411. if she slept with a PA?Copy !req
412. I said "seduce." There is a distinction.Copy !req
413. We make a show about empowering women
and lifting them up,Copy !req
414. and you cheapen it
with this coarse vulgarity.Copy !req
415. I cannot lie. You disgust me.Copy !req
416. This was all a big misunderstanding.Copy !req
417. Cover up your bottom and go, BoJack.Copy !req
418. You're not fit to judge
anyone's character, or their booties.Copy !req
419. So it is about judging booties.Copy !req
420. - Hey, BoJack.
- Miles.Copy !req
421. Don't want me dating your daughter,
you could have told me.Copy !req
422. I'm sorry.Copy !req
423. Maybe we could've worked out
some sort of deal.Copy !req
424. What do you mean?Copy !req
425. All right, so I got this screenplay,
and I think it's a really fresh area.Copy !req
426. It's about a production intern
who wants to be a writer.Copy !req
427. Oh, wow.Copy !req
428. I think it could go somewhere
if it got in front of the right person.Copy !req
429. So if you have like an agent
or a manager you could give it to,Copy !req
430. that would be awesome,
and I would never talk to Hollyhock again.Copy !req
431. I promise.Copy !req
432. So you were right. He was a dirtbag.Copy !req
433. Yeah. I was kinda hoping
I was wrong for once.Copy !req
434. If it makes you feel any better,Copy !req
435. you were wrong
about all the other parts of this.Copy !req
436. Diane, you are so bad
at making people feel better.Copy !req
437. Are you gonna tell Hollyhock?Copy !req
438. She's a smart girl.
She'll figure it out eventually.Copy !req
439. But for now, if she believes someone
can love her for who she really is,Copy !req
440. then why would I take that
away from her?Copy !req
441. BoJack, you gotta get
one of these massages.Copy !req
442. - Oh-hh!
- Okay.Copy !req
443. - Goodbye, darling.
- It was good seeing you.Copy !req
444. - It was so much fun seeing you both.
- Thank you for hosting us.Copy !req
445. It was so nice to get away for the weekCopy !req
446. and learn all about
your charming little traditionsCopy !req
447. that didn't freak me out at all. Bye-bye!Copy !req
448. Did our little city mouse
have a nice time in the country?Copy !req
449. Everything was wonderful.Copy !req
450. And your little companion was darling—
for a week.Copy !req
451. But I do hope the next one you bring home
knows how to appreciateCopy !req
452. a good Feast of Saint Squeaky.Copy !req
453. Well, for your information,Copy !req
454. there's not gonna be a "next one,"
because...Copy !req
455. I love Princess Carolyn and we're having
a baby and I couldn't be happier!Copy !req
456. Oh, my God.Copy !req
457. Oh, Mr. Peanutbutter, I am so relaxed.Copy !req
458. I didn't realize
how much tension I'd built up in my—Copy !req
459. Oh, my God! Um...Copy !req
460. Mr. Peanutbutter, why is our hotel room
filled with dentist clowns?Copy !req
461. Don't be ridiculous, Diane.Copy !req
462. They're not all dentist clowns.Copy !req
463. Half of them are clown dentists.Copy !req
464. Just try to ignore them
and go about your business.Copy !req
465. - Okay.
- So, this is the incisor.Copy !req
466. Doc, if this is what's incisor,Copy !req
467. I'd hate to see what's outsides 'er.
Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!Copy !req
468. Please try to focus, Dr. Boing-Boing.Copy !req
469. Ugh!Copy !req
470. With former rival
Mr. Peanutbutter's support,Copy !req
471. just yesterday,
Woodchuck Coodchuck-BerkowitzCopy !req
472. seemed to be unbeatable,Copy !req
473. but as a new candidate enters the race,
is Woodchuck also "unbeata-Biel"?Copy !req
474. "UnbeataBiel"?Copy !req
475. Randy, you wily son of a—
I've missed you, buddy! Bring it in!Copy !req
476. "UnbeataBiel"?Copy !req
477. I'm tired of these politicians
who are all talk.Copy !req
478. California needs a leader
who excels in both comedy and dramaCopy !req
479. and who is beautiful
in an approachable girl-next-door way,Copy !req
480. and who will get all the criminals
off the streetCopy !req
481. while simultaneously finding a use
for our wetlands.Copy !req
482. That's why I'm running for governor.Copy !req
483. A candidate you can Jessica-lieve in.Copy !req
484. What the—?Copy !req
485. Let's do it together! I'm with me!Copy !req
486. Oh-hh! Katrina.Copy !req
487. - Gadzooks!
- Not now, Professor Flim-Flam!Copy !req
488. Of course,
Katrina would latch onto JessicaCopy !req
489. as the beautiful face
of her dangerous agenda.Copy !req
490. Well, there's no way
they could beat Woodchuck, right?Copy !req
491. No? Because I almost beat himCopy !req
492. and I don't even know
what a governor does.Copy !req
493. That's true.
Mr. Peanutbutter, you've got to help.Copy !req
494. Woodchuck has no idea
what he's up against.Copy !req
495. You're right! But are we sure
this is the right thing for us?Copy !req
496. If I jump right back into politics,
that's not gonna give me a lot of timeCopy !req
497. to focus on our burgeoning
clown dentistry business.Copy !req
498. Then it is definitely
the right thing for us.Copy !req
499. This is an abomination.Copy !req
500. It's only till the doctors
find better ones.Copy !req
501. They're not even hands!Copy !req
502. Well, they're better than feet,
aren't they?Copy !req
503. What the—?Copy !req
504. I'm Dr. Boing-Boing!Copy !req
505. And I am Dr. Jennifer Picarello, D.D.S.Copy !req
506. We come with a message
from Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
507. You can tell Mr. Peanutbutter I don't—Copy !req
508. - Ha! Woodchuck!
- What do you want?Copy !req
509. You need me, Woodchuck!Copy !req
510. You've got brain smarts,
but your sober-minded policy speechesCopy !req
511. are no match for the glitz and pizzazz
of a Hollywoo starlet.Copy !req
512. Even a relatively low-wattage one
like Jessica Biel.Copy !req
513. He's right. California loves making
movie stars governors.Copy !req
514. I was married to both Jessica and Katrina.Copy !req
515. I know them inside and out.Copy !req
516. And I'm not speaking in a sexual way,
although it is also true in a sexual way.Copy !req
517. You gotta let me join the campaign!Copy !req
518. - All right.
- Great! There's no time to lose.Copy !req
519. Quick! Get in Dr. Boing-Boing's
dream-powered smile-mobile!Copy !req
520. It's been four seconds
and I already deeply regret this.Copy !req
521. - Hey.
- Hey, yourself.Copy !req
522. - I'm sorry I was an asshole.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
523. - What are you doing?
- Seeing how fast I can change channels.Copy !req
524. Also, I found all the loose change
in the houseCopy !req
525. and I put it in alphabetical order
by year.Copy !req
526. Do you really think a guy like Miles
couldn't ever really like a girl like me?Copy !req
527. No.Copy !req
528. I was just jealous because you were
spending a lot of time with him.Copy !req
529. He hasn't texted me all day today.Copy !req
530. I've been trying to distract myself.Copy !req
531. Forget him. You're gonna meet lots of guys
who will fall madly in love with you.Copy !req
532. I might have scared him off. I don't know.Copy !req
533. Do you ever get that feeling that like,
to know you more is to love you less?Copy !req
534. Hollyhock, you are an amazing woman
and you should never settle for someoneCopy !req
535. who only loves the idea of you.Copy !req
536. You are funny, and you're kind,
and you're clever.Copy !req
537. Am I also pretty?Copy !req
538. I— come on.
What do you want me to say?Copy !req
539. Obviously, I think you're beautiful.Copy !req
540. Well, you don't have to go overboard.Copy !req
541. Hey, I got an idea.Copy !req
542. Why don't we go get some Cold Stone?
That'll take your mind off Miles.Copy !req
543. Plus, I'll let you drive the Tesla!Copy !req
544. Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood
for ice cream.Copy !req
545. Well, then, forget that.
Let's get a pizza.Copy !req
546. - I'm actually not hungry.
- Oh.Copy !req