1. Let me be the first to tell you:
I'm bad news.Copy !req
2. You're actually not the first
to tell me that.Copy !req
3. I can't offer you parental guidance
or advice or love or supportCopy !req
4. or prolonged conversation
or interest in you,Copy !req
5. - or remembering your name.
- It's Hollyhock.Copy !req
6. - And I'm not looking for another dad.
- Great.Copy !req
7. But I've always wanted to know
who my mother is.Copy !req
8. Your mother? What do I look like,
Josh Radnor?Copy !req
9. Nothing? Nothing for Josh Radnor.
How quickly we forget.Copy !req
10. Just tell me the name of the woman
you had sex with in December 1999.Copy !req
11. That's all the relationship
we need to have.Copy !req
12. That was quite a time
for our nation, sex-wise...Copy !req
13. Actually, I don't need a whole long story.
Just get to the point.Copy !req
14. The point is I banged a lot of women.Copy !req
15. One-night stands, two-night stands,
nooners, spooners, hot-air ballooners.Copy !req
16. So, out of all of these women
it sounds like you really respected,Copy !req
17. is there any chance
one of them got pregnantCopy !req
18. and then put the baby up for adoption?Copy !req
19. I guess Marcy was kind of
a poking holes in the condom type.Copy !req
20. Real nutter. Good lay, though.Copy !req
21. Glad to hear my mother
was a "nutter" and "a good lay."Copy !req
22. Can I meet her? Where is she?Copy !req
23. I bet she's still in that same apartment
in the Valley. What a dump!Copy !req
24. Can you take me there?Copy !req
25. Help me find my mom
and I'll leave you alone forever.Copy !req
26. Deal. But can we go in the morning?Copy !req
27. It's getting pretty late,
I become a real assholeCopy !req
28. if I don't get a solid seven hours
of bed drinking a night.Copy !req
29. I should get going.Copy !req
30. My hostel's all the way downtown
in a pretty bad area.Copy !req
31. Wait.Copy !req
32. - Take this.
- Okay.Copy !req
33. Here I go, hope there are
no murderers out.Copy !req
34. Yes, everyone hopes that all the time.Copy !req
35. - Okay, just do me a favor.
- Ugh! What now?Copy !req
36. If I do get murdered,
will you call my eight dadsCopy !req
37. and tell them I love them?Copy !req
38. I gotta call all eight? They can't
work out a phone tree?Copy !req
39. If you're gonna be a baby,
stay here for the night.Copy !req
40. - All right!
- Take the couch and be quiet.Copy !req
41. Don't get on your phone and text
all your friends how sweet my house is.Copy !req
42. Turn off all the lights when you're
going to sleep, all of the lights.Copy !req
43. Thank you, BoJack.Copy !req
44. - Oh, I can't—
- Oh, you're— you're in my—Copy !req
45. - Wait, I'm not really—
- What if we try...Copy !req
46. Wait, I'm almost... Oh, no.Copy !req
47. I don't think it's going to happen.Copy !req
48. I'm sorry,
it's just difficult with all the—Copy !req
49. - Who gave Todd the air horn?
- Right.Copy !req
50. - The campaign.
- Exactly.Copy !req
51. But it's just another two months, right?Copy !req
52. After the election
everything goes back to normal.Copy !req
53. - Well, unless I win.
- Right.Copy !req
54. I gotta tell you, I'm having a blast.Copy !req
55. I always knew I was probably
good at something,Copy !req
56. but I never knew what it was.Copy !req
57. Thanks to Katrina, I've finally realized
I'm good at people liking me.Copy !req
58. That's great, and you know
I'm so happy for you,Copy !req
59. but do you have to be
the pro-fracking candidate?Copy !req
60. Diane, this is the campaign.Copy !req
61. Nothing anyone says
during a campaign matters.Copy !req
62. It's just promising a bunch of stuff
to get people to vote for you.Copy !req
63. Then when you get an office,
you can do whatever you want.Copy !req
64. - Democracy in action.
- Mark my words—Copy !req
65. the only fracking
that's going to be happeningCopy !req
66. - is in this bedroom.
- All right, guy.Copy !req
67. I'm gonna drill you deep,
and fill you with a mysterious substanceCopy !req
68. that scientists still don't quite
understand the ramifications of.Copy !req
69. - This isn't sexy for me— aaah!
- Did someone say "busy day"?Copy !req
70. No one said "busy day," Katrina.
What did we say about knocking?Copy !req
71. It wastes vital seconds
we'll never get back?Copy !req
72. Anyway, everyone who isn't me
needs to shut up right now.Copy !req
73. - No one else was talking.
- I actually have good news for once.Copy !req
74. CNN released a poll today,
and for the first time ever,Copy !req
75. - Mr. Peanutbutter is up.
- Damn!Copy !req
76. Wow! Am I John Davidson,
Cathy Lee CrosbyCopy !req
77. and Fran Tarkenton right now,
because that's—Copy !req
78. We don't have time for the reference
you're setting up.Copy !req
79. We're doing a presser in 30.
Go downstairs, get some breakfast.Copy !req
80. Yeah! Breakfast!Copy !req
81. Am I Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald,
Judd Nelson, the principal...Copy !req
82. - Just get breakfast!
- All right!Copy !req
83. Don't you forget about me.Copy !req
84. - Diane, you look sad.
- We were kind of in the middle of—Copy !req
85. No, I'm saying you look sad.Copy !req
86. Maybe you need to put on foundation,
blush around the cheeks or something.Copy !req
87. What the...? Huh?Copy !req
88. Aaah! Aaah!Copy !req
89. What's going on down here?Copy !req
90. I was trying to make you breakfast
to thank you for letting me stay here!Copy !req
91. I put a Pop-Tart in the microwave!Copy !req
92. - Did you take the foil off?
- No! I was doing it popcorn style!Copy !req
93. It's all right, it's not your fault.
Making food is impossible.Copy !req
94. Let's get out of here
and take you to your mom's house.Copy !req
95. Should we do something about the fire?Copy !req
96. Just leave it.
It'll tire itself out eventually.Copy !req
97. So, who is this lady?Copy !req
98. It's actually a cute story.
She was the president of my fan club.Copy !req
99. You had sex with the president
of your fan club?Copy !req
100. Yeah. "Oh, my God, what a monster!"Copy !req
101. I slept with someone who loved me
more than anybody elseCopy !req
102. and dedicated her life to knowing things
about me and caring about me.Copy !req
103. How could I be so shallow?Copy !req
104. You're right, I'm sorry.
Finish your cute story.Copy !req
105. That was the whole story.Copy !req
106. She was the president of my fan club,
I had sex with her.Copy !req
107. Then I didn't think about her
for 18 years, and here we are.Copy !req
108. Good news, the results are in!Copy !req
109. - Oh!
- Bad news, the results are bad.Copy !req
110. Like an omelet bar
at a mongoose convention,Copy !req
111. you are running dangerously low on eggs.Copy !req
112. How many do I have left?Copy !req
113. Well, let's just say
it's more than Harry Potter movies,Copy !req
114. but fewer than James Bond movies.Copy !req
115. - Doctor, no!
- What do you recommend?Copy !req
116. Hmm. Have you considered
impregnating a younger woman?Copy !req
117. No, I want to do it with this woman.Copy !req
118. You could try throwing money
at the problem.Copy !req
119. You're gonna want pre-natal vitamins,
cervical mucus boosters,Copy !req
120. a "You Can Do It!" poster,
and an iOvulate.Copy !req
121. - "iOvulate"?
- Let's hope so!Copy !req
122. This state-of-the-art bracelet
tracks your cycleCopy !req
123. and also gives you up-to-date info
on your ovulation.Copy !req
124. Plus, it's voiced by Harvey Fierstein.Copy !req
125. Hello, I'm Harvey Fierstein.
Let's put a baby in you.Copy !req
126. Ooh!Copy !req
127. BoJack?Copy !req
128. Marcy, hey.Copy !req
129. - I knew it. I knew you'd come back.
- Right. Um...Copy !req
130. here's a very specific question:
after we had sex,Copy !req
131. did you by any chance get pregnant
and put a baby up for adoption?Copy !req
132. - Yes.
- Wait, really?Copy !req
133. Oh, my God, you're my mother.
Can I hug you?Copy !req
134. - I'm hugging my mother.
- Wow.Copy !req
135. BoJack, I'm sorry,
I really wanted to tell you.Copy !req
136. But when I called the number
that you gave me,Copy !req
137. it was for a sandwich shop in Temecula.Copy !req
138. Wha...? That's so weird.
You must have dialed it wrong.Copy !req
139. And then I thought, well, you know,
sooner or later you'd call me.Copy !req
140. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna,
but then, you know, 9/11 happened...Copy !req
141. - Can you ever forgive me?
- I think so.Copy !req
142. Oh! I'm so sorry. Where are my manners?
Please come in.Copy !req
143. And that was just such
a tough time for our country...Copy !req
144. So, once we introduced vicious knife-play
into our routine,Copy !req
145. it really gave our sex life the edge.Copy !req
146. Love it, crooshed it.Copy !req
147. So the article is just about
a happy marriage with a healthy sex life?Copy !req
148. We already have Raquel's piece
about 69 days of sixty-nining.Copy !req
149. - Uh-huh!
- So croosh.Copy !req
150. What about our readers
who aren't having sex with their husbands?Copy !req
151. Isn't this just gonna make them feel bad?Copy !req
152. Not everyone gets to have
great sex all the time, right?Copy !req
153. Ladies?Copy !req
154. Diane? Can I talk to you
in your office for a minute?Copy !req
155. I don't have an office.Copy !req
156. You said offices have corners
and corners are the patriarchy.Copy !req
157. Fine. Can I talk to you in the hot-take,
cool-down yoga area?Copy !req
158. You seem tense.Copy !req
159. Have you been eating gluten
and also not having sex with your husband?Copy !req
160. Whoa, Stefani, that's not—Copy !req
161. Diane, relax! This is not a conversation
between an employee and her superior.Copy !req
162. This is a conversation
between a friend and her superior.Copy !req
163. The campaign
has been testing our marriage.Copy !req
164. Obviously, it's great to see
Mr. Peanutbutter so excited,Copy !req
165. and I am supporting that.Copy !req
166. But if I'm being honest,Copy !req
167. I can't wait for it to be over
so things can go back to normal.Copy !req
168. - Hmm. And what happens if he wins?
- He's not going to win.Copy !req
169. Did you see the new CNN poll this morning?Copy !req
170. He could win. People do love fracking.Copy !req
171. It's fun to say! "Frack! Frack!
Fricky-fricky-frack"Copy !req
172. People wouldn't love saying it
if they understood what it actually was.Copy !req
173. - So tell them.
- I can't go against my husband.Copy !req
174. What the frack? Why not?
You gotta do you, girl.Copy !req
175. I always say, you gotta do you.Copy !req
176. And if he's doing him,
then who's doing you?Copy !req
177. Because right now,
it seems like no one's doing you.Copy !req
178. and then when I was eight,Copy !req
179. Lizzie Dunbar's mom rented us all
Freaky Friday for a sleepover,Copy !req
180. and I got really sad because I realized
I didn't have a mom to switch bodies with.Copy !req
181. Am I talking a lot?
I feel I'm talking a lot.Copy !req
182. - Yes.
- Oh! I need to show you something.Copy !req
183. Okay, so this may seem cuckoo,Copy !req
184. but I was so head over heels
in love with your fatherCopy !req
185. that after we made sweet love,
and he didn't call me again,Copy !req
186. I just got so jealous, so I made a list
of every girl he was with...Copy !req
187. and I found their home addresses...Copy !req
188. - Oh.
- ... and drew Xs over their eyes.Copy !req
189. I'm loving this conversation
but I have to go the bathroom now,Copy !req
190. for non-me being weirded out
by this conversation-related reasons.Copy !req
191. I just keep thinking about
how different things would have beenCopy !req
192. if you'd have just called me.Copy !req
193. We could have had a family together
for 18 loving years.Copy !req
194. - That might have—
- BoJack!Copy !req
195. Kids. What?Copy !req
196. Can you join me
in the bathroom for a minute?Copy !req
197. What? No!Copy !req
198. - Do you want me, sweetheart?
- No, it's a dad bathroom thing.Copy !req
199. Uh... Hollyhock?Copy !req
200. That woman is not my mother.
She's lying to us!Copy !req
201. Marcy? No way!Copy !req
202. Look. This is from the premiere
of Autumn in New York.Copy !req
203. That movie came out in August of 2000.
I was born in September.Copy !req
204. Does this woman look
eight months pregnant to you?Copy !req
205. Why would they release a romantic drama
called Autumn in New YorkCopy !req
206. in the middle of summer?Copy !req
207. Richard Gere
had just done Runaway Bride,Copy !req
208. Winona Ryder was hot off
Girl, InterruptedCopy !req
209. - so the studio got cocky.
- How do you know all this?Copy !req
210. I looked it up on the Internet
because I saw this pictureCopy !req
211. and got confused why Marcy
would wear a summer dressCopy !req
212. to a movie called
Autumn in New York.Copy !req
213. This is a summer dress?
I guess I don't know dresses.Copy !req
214. BoJack, focus! That's not my mom!Copy !req
215. So the lesson here is
I was right to never call her.Copy !req
216. - Wait, so who—
- Are you okay in there?Copy !req
217. - Don't come in!
- Yes! Father-daughter bathroom time!Copy !req
218. The scrapbook! She has that list
of all the other women you slept with.Copy !req
219. If we get the book, we can find my mom.Copy !req
220. Give me a few minutes. I'll distract her,
then you sneak in and grab the book.Copy !req
221. Okay.Copy !req
222. And what was the first appearance
of the Horse's identical cousin?Copy !req
223. Season eight, episode four.Copy !req
224. Yeah, yeah. That's right.
What was the horse's boss's name?Copy !req
225. - What are you doing?
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
226. You're not supposed to see this.
Look away!Copy !req
227. It's okay, Hollyhock.
This is what Mommy and Daddy do.Copy !req
228. - Ugh! You said give you a few minutes!
- I didn't think it would take this long.Copy !req
229. I usually finish faster.Copy !req
230. - You're disgusting!
- That's what I needed.Copy !req
231. - Can I please have a grasshopper?
- Yes?Copy !req
232. So the studio finished Mars Attacks!
without him.Copy !req
233. And since no one ever found a body,Copy !req
234. my client Tony Tromboni
has been making moviesCopy !req
235. - under the name Tim Burton ever since.
- Oh!Copy !req
236. I'm Harvey Fierstein.Copy !req
237. Your ovulation window is closing soon.
Please commence copulation.Copy !req
238. Oh, fish! We gotta go.Copy !req
239. - Can't we finish lunch?
- You heard the bracelet.Copy !req
240. Okay, well, uh, let me get the check.Copy !req
241. - There's no time for that! Ralph!
- We gotta pay for our—Copy !req
242. I have an egg inside me
that is ripe to be fertilized.Copy !req
243. His name is Philbert.Copy !req
244. - Princess Carolyn—
- Uh-uh! Philbert Stilton,Copy !req
245. and he's going to be sweet and smart
and a phenom on the clarinet,Copy !req
246. and one day you'll be driving him home
from band practiceCopy !req
247. and he's going to all of a sudden
say something so insightful and trueCopy !req
248. that you'll be positively floored
it came out of the mouth of your son.Copy !req
249. But if you don't take me home right now
and impregnate me,Copy !req
250. then Philbert will never exist.Copy !req
251. Okay, let's go.Copy !req
252. - You told me to distract her.
- We don't need to talk about it.Copy !req
253. So now that we got the list,
we gotta go see all these other women?Copy !req
254. Not all of them,
just the ones you didn't seeCopy !req
255. in the nine months
after you had sex with them.Copy !req
256. - That's gonna be most of them.
- Yeah, figures.Copy !req
257. Ooh!Copy !req
258. Tilda Madison? You dated the Timedium,
Tuesdays at 9:00 on CBS?Copy !req
259. I never understood that show.
What's a Timedium?Copy !req
260. She's a medium,Copy !req
261. but she can also travel through time
and she solves crimes.Copy !req
262. That's so stupid.
She time-travels and she's a medium?Copy !req
263. But the one crime she can't solve
is her husband's murder.Copy !req
264. So my name is Hollyhock and I love apples
but hate applesauce, too slimy.Copy !req
265. I was the captain of the JV soccer team—Copy !req
266. BoJack, why did you bring this child
into my sanctum?Copy !req
267. I can make this real quick.Copy !req
268. Did you give up my secret baby
in the year 2000?Copy !req
269. Oh, BoJack, do you recall
the impetus for our uncoupling?Copy !req
270. Is every one of these
gonna be a whole thing?Copy !req
271. You were a cad and a boor.Copy !req
272. But your fits of sardonic japery amused,
to a point, until you impregnated me.Copy !req
273. Suddenly, I was awash in dreams
of idealized domesticity.Copy !req
274. But when I told you I was with child,Copy !req
275. I received a check in the mail
for $200 with the memo line,Copy !req
276. "BoJack's half of the abortion."Copy !req
277. So you put me up for adoption?Copy !req
278. Child, no. I had the abortion.Copy !req
279. Nice. You don't want
any little BoJacks floating around.Copy !req
280. Last thing this world needs
is more of this garbage.Copy !req
281. - Uh, excuse me?
- No, you're great, you seem cool,Copy !req
282. but if we could go back in time
and prevent it...Copy !req
283. Right?Copy !req
284. Hollyhock, I didn't mean...Copy !req
285. By the way, your show sucks.
Should be called Tedium.Copy !req
286. Your uterus contains the secrets of life,
the ability to create.Copy !req
287. - Go, go! Oh, God!
- I'm going!Copy !req
288. At this point, your ovum has burst out
of the swollen follicle,Copy !req
289. traveled down the long gentle river
of the fallopian tube,Copy !req
290. and been welcomed by the warm embrace
of the silk-lined uterus.Copy !req
291. No, no, no.Copy !req
292. You must fertilize that precious ovum now
or it will disintegrate into nothingness.Copy !req
293. Hit the gas! Do it for Philbert!Copy !req
294. Pull over your vehicle, now!Copy !req
295. Oh, fish!Copy !req
296. So in conclusion, I don't think California
is the greatest state in the country.Copy !req
297. But it can be.Copy !req
298. Beautifully put.
I'd like to drill down, as it were,Copy !req
299. - on the subject of fracking.
- Drill away.Copy !req
300. Now, mere hours ago
your wife, Diane Nguyen,Copy !req
301. seen here eating a messy sandwich,Copy !req
302. published an essay online
titled "The Case Against Fracking"Copy !req
303. in which she posits, quote...Copy !req
304. "If these frack-happy politicians
even knew how dangerous it was,Copy !req
305. they wouldn't allow it
in their own backyards."Copy !req
306. - Diane wrote that?
- Damn.Copy !req
307. Mr. Peanutbutter,
your wife has issued a challenge.Copy !req
308. Would you allow fracking
in your own backyard?Copy !req
309. I would.Copy !req
310. Joining us now via Periscope
is Frankie Flackery,Copy !req
311. foreman and spokesyak
for Flackery Will Get You EverywhereCopy !req
312. industrial drilling company.Copy !req
313. - How are ya?
- Flackery Flack, let's talk frack.Copy !req
314. Mr. Peanutbutter has invited you
to drill on his property.Copy !req
315. - Uh—
- Will you take him up on this invitation?Copy !req
316. - I could have a team there this afternoon.
- Oh...Copy !req
317. Ready when you are, boys!Copy !req
318. Sir, I apologize.
We are very eager to get home.Copy !req
319. You were going 36 miles per hour.
The speed limit here...Copy !req
320. is 35.Copy !req
321. - Yes.
- Now, I'm no mathematician.Copy !req
322. - I'm just a humble officer of the law.
- Okay.Copy !req
323. So you tell me, is 36 below 35
or is it above 35?Copy !req
324. Just write us a ticket and let us go.Copy !req
325. Now, now, talking back
to Officer Meow Meow is a major no-no.Copy !req
326. Hello! Harvey Fierstein here.Copy !req
327. Oh! Who said that?
Is there another man in your vehicle?Copy !req
328. - Hello?
- Show yourself, fiend!Copy !req
329. We don't have time for this! I'm in heat!Copy !req
330. Ma'am, you need to calm down!Copy !req
331. Don't tell me to calm down
or call me ma'am!Copy !req
332. Just write us a goddamn ticket
so I can go home and mount my boyfriend!Copy !req
333. That's enough!
Out of the car, all three of you!Copy !req
334. Obviously, I didn't mean you.Copy !req
335. You're giving me the silent treatment?Copy !req
336. I guess I have thin skin.Copy !req
337. Must be the half of me
that's made of garbage.Copy !req
338. Well, who else is on this list?Copy !req
339. Stacy, Fabiana... Tonya Harding?
She is not gonna be happy to see me.Copy !req
340. She said sleeping with me
is the worst thing she ever did.Copy !req
341. I'm sorry it's so unpleasant for youCopy !req
342. to have to interact
with women you were shitty to.Copy !req
343. I don't understand
why we're even doing this.Copy !req
344. You're never gonna switch bodies
with your mom.Copy !req
345. That ship has sailed
and is also impossible.Copy !req
346. - Pull over the car.
- No.Copy !req
347. - Pull over now!
- Jesus. Fine.Copy !req
348. - I'm gonna do the rest of this on my own.
- No. Hollyhock.Copy !req
349. I got the list. I don't need you anymore.
Have a bad life.Copy !req
350. Joke's on you, I already have one!Copy !req
351. Oh no. No. No, no.Copy !req
352. Where's Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
353. He's giving a stump speech
on the subject of stumps.Copy !req
354. Turns out he's pro. Great for sitting.Copy !req
355. I'd be careful with that faucet,
the water comes out very hotCopy !req
356. because of the fracking.Copy !req
357. Aaah! How could you let him do this?Copy !req
358. You're the one who called his bluff.
Don't do that.Copy !req
359. - This just makes my job harder.
- I didn't "call his bluff." I just—Copy !req
360. Woman, you have one job:
be his wife, be supportive.Copy !req
361. I am being supportive.Copy !req
362. Was that you being supportive today
with that piece you wroteCopy !req
363. - for your stupid girl website?
- It's called Girl Croosh.Copy !req
364. "Stoopid Gurl" is just a subsection
of the main site.Copy !req
365. And my piece wasn't about
Mr. Peanutbutter, specifically.Copy !req
366. I'm gonna cut this conversation short,
my time is more important than yours.Copy !req
367. This goes one of two ways.Copy !req
368. Either you shut up and be pretty,
or your approximation of that,Copy !req
369. or don't support him, he resents you,
your marriage implodes.Copy !req
370. - Pick your poison.
- Damn!Copy !req
371. Not that I get to vote, but from
one Mrs. Peanutbutter to another,Copy !req
372. it's been really fun for me
to watch this new marriage fall apart.Copy !req
373. - We're not.
- So thank you, Diane,Copy !req
374. for that tiny sliver of mint
in the smoothie of dogshitCopy !req
375. that is trying to get
that popular idiot elected.Copy !req
376. Good night.Copy !req
377. Damn!Copy !req
378. I'm Harvey Fierstein,Copy !req
379. and I hope
you're almost done having sexCopy !req
380. because your ovulation cycle
will soon be ending.Copy !req
381. Huh.Copy !req
382. I'm sorry we couldn't get home in time.Copy !req
383. - Your lawyer, he's good?
- The best.Copy !req
384. Then you know what we have to do?Copy !req
385. Oh!Copy !req
386. - For Philbert?
- For Philbert.Copy !req
387. What are you doing back there? Hey!Copy !req
388. - Sorry you have to be here for this.
- Keep your eyes on the road.Copy !req
389. Hey! You two cut that out!Copy !req
390. I'll write you up for lewd conduct.
Lewd, crude and partially nude!Copy !req
391. Not to mention the rude 'tude
of you two dudes, while this prude...Copy !req
392. - Hey, listen to me!
- Whoa!Copy !req
393. And so the dance
of life continues apace.Copy !req
394. I'm Harvey Fierstein,
bidding you a sexy good evening.Copy !req
395. No!Copy !req
396. Can I get my check now?Copy !req
397. Alone, at last. Thank God.Copy !req
398. Fine, fine, fine.Copy !req
399. Hi, Fabiana. Before you slam the door—Copy !req
400. Did a young horse girl come by here,
about yay high?Copy !req
401. You're still mad about your dad's funeral?
That was 18 years ago!Copy !req
402. Thank you, Tonya.
I know we've had our differences,Copy !req
403. but seeing you always leaves me
weak in the knees.Copy !req
404. Hollyhock.Copy !req
405. - Was that her?
- Ugh! No.Copy !req
406. I talked to 23 women today
and none of them were my mother.Copy !req
407. - How did you find me?
- I went to everyone on that list.Copy !req
408. You talked to all those women?
Some of them—Copy !req
409. - Really haven't aged well, I know.
- I was gonna say, really hate you.Copy !req
410. Oh, yeah, that too.
But I needed to find you.Copy !req
411. To tell you I'm sorry,Copy !req
412. for being such an asshole
then and also now.Copy !req
413. This whole thing was stupid.
I never should have come out here.Copy !req
414. And I don't even care
about having a mom, really.Copy !req
415. Because I did fine
for 17 years without one.Copy !req
416. I don't need a mom.Copy !req
417. Hollyhock, it's okay to want a mom.Copy !req
418. No, it's not! Because that means my dads
weren't enough for me, and they are!Copy !req
419. I know I just met you,
but if you do haveCopy !req
420. any of the old Horseman gunk
bouncing around in that brain of yours,Copy !req
421. I gotta tell you right now
you should give up on looking for "enough"Copy !req
422. because it will never be enough.Copy !req
423. Eww!Copy !req
424. - Stop that.
- I know, it's stupid.Copy !req
425. - There, there.
- You are so bad at this.Copy !req
426. What do your dads say when you cry?Copy !req
427. They say it's okay to cry,Copy !req
428. and that I shouldn't feel bad
about feeling bad.Copy !req
429. Well, that— that's good advice, right?Copy !req
430. They're really good dads.
I should probably get back to them.Copy !req
431. Oh. You don't have to leave right away.Copy !req
432. Why don't you just
stay with me a bit longer?Copy !req
433. At least until we find your mom.Copy !req
434. How are we supposed to do that?
Every name on that list was a dead end.Copy !req
435. Oh...Copy !req
436. Yeah. But what if I told you
there's a name that isn't on that list?Copy !req
437. Someone Marcy never knew about.Copy !req
438. What? Where is she now?Copy !req
439. I don't know. But you can stay with me
while we try to find her?Copy !req
440. Okay. Yeah. What's her name?Copy !req
441. Her name was Brown Car... la.Copy !req
442. Carla Mercedes Benz... Brown.Copy !req
443. "Carla Mercedes Benzbrown"?
Weird name.Copy !req
444. - You've got a weird name.
- I guess you're right.Copy !req
445. Maybe that's the first thing
we'll talk about when I meet her.Copy !req
446. Mm-hmm?Copy !req
447. Diane, I know. I'm sorry about the trucks,
but you didn't give me much choice.Copy !req
448. I know these last few days
have been crazy.Copy !req
449. - But this is the hard part.
- I need you to drop out of the race.Copy !req
450. - What?
- Please, Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
451. This isn't worth it.Copy !req
452. I hear what you're sayingCopy !req
453. and I will try to be more conscientious
of your needs.Copy !req
454. - Drop out of the race.
- Because your needs are important.Copy !req
455. I've written another piece
for Girl Croosh.Copy !req
456. It's called
"The Case Against Mr. Peanutbutter."Copy !req
457. When I hit this button,
the post goes live.Copy !req
458. Diane, don't.Copy !req
459. I don't want to.
And I won't, if you drop out of the race.Copy !req
460. Jesus, Diane. You can't do that.Copy !req
461. Because you're the only one allowed
to make decisions for this family?Copy !req
462. No. Because it's gonna come off
as a weird lovers' spatCopy !req
463. and it's just going to embarrass everyone.Copy !req
464. - Well, I'm sorry if I embarrass you.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
465. You told me you weren't going to frack,
and now I can'tCopy !req
466. turn on a faucet in my own home
without getting third-degree burns.Copy !req
467. Oh, I get it. So like always,
you're mad at someone,Copy !req
468. so your solution is to air
your dirty laundry for everyone to see.Copy !req
469. No. This is not about us.
I don't want you to be governorCopy !req
470. because you would be bad at it,
because you don't stand for anything.Copy !req
471. No!Copy !req
472. Hey!Copy !req
473. Don't you dare.
Robert Blake gave me that mug.Copy !req
474. No! Oh, you...Copy !req
475. - I don't...
- Shut up. Take off your shirt.Copy !req
476. Frack me, Mr. Peanutbutter!Copy !req
477. Frack me!Copy !req