1. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
2. to announce
this year's Oscar nominees...Copy !req
3. Mr. Peanutbutter!Copy !req
4. Mr. Peanutbutter!Copy !req
5. Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
6. Hello! Here I am, Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
7. That's my name and I am here.Copy !req
8. Okay, the nominees.
Nominees for Oscar.Copy !req
9. Who are the nominees?Copy !req
10. Well, as I used to say
on Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities:Copy !req
11. What Do They Know?
Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out,Copy !req
12. let's find out.Copy !req
13. For Best Actor, the nominees are:Copy !req
14. Jurj Clooners
for The Nazi Who Played Yahtzee.Copy !req
15. Bread Poot for City of AIDS.Copy !req
16. Colin Firth for First Things Firth:Copy !req
17. The Colin Firth Story.Copy !req
18. Michael Fassbender for...
I want to say Bill Gates?Copy !req
19. And BoJack Horseman for Secretariat.Copy !req
20. Whoa.Copy !req
21. BoJack, you just got nominated
for an Oscar.Copy !req
22. You're an Oscar nominee.
How do you feel?Copy !req
23. I feel...Copy !req
24. I-I feel...Copy !req
25. I feel...Copy !req
26. the same.Copy !req
27. It happened again. Why do I keep
thinking things will make me happy?Copy !req
28. - What is wrong with me?
- BoJack, don't do this.Copy !req
29. - Don't fetishize your own sadness.
- Uh... Oh, God, I'm drowning.Copy !req
30. - I feel like I'm drowning.
- BoJack, listen.Copy !req
31. When I was 17,
I snuck out to a fraternity party.Copy !req
32. The roads were icy
and I swerved into the lake.Copy !req
33. I came to underwater.Copy !req
34. It was dark and cold,
and I didn't even know which way was up.Copy !req
35. I thought for sure I was going to drown.Copy !req
36. And then... I noticed...Copy !req
37. when I opened my mouth,
the air bubbles floated up,Copy !req
38. and that's how I knew
which way to swim.Copy !req
39. That is a terrifying story.Copy !req
40. BoJack, when you find yourself lost
and disoriented and underwaterCopy !req
41. and you don't know which way is up,Copy !req
42. it's important to breathe.Copy !req
43. I don't deserve this.
I'm not a best actor.Copy !req
44. Awards aren't about who's best, BoJack.Copy !req
45. That's literally the only thing
they're about.Copy !req
46. No. All this means is that
you're one of the special people.Copy !req
47. I saw it the first time I met you.
You must have known it all your life.Copy !req
48. And all your life, people told you
that you were wrong,Copy !req
49. that you weren't special,
that you were just like everybody else.Copy !req
50. But now, the special people are saying,
"You were right, BoJack. You were right."Copy !req
51. I was right.
I am one of the special people.Copy !req
52. - Yes.
- What are we doing just sitting here?Copy !req
53. I just got nominated for an Oscar.Copy !req
54. We gotta party like it's 1982,
the year Prince released 1999.Copy !req
55. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
56. BoJack, your complimentary Rolex is here.Copy !req
57. BoJack, giant chocolate Oscar's here.Copy !req
58. Famous DJ David Gu-etta is at the door.Copy !req
59. Free Tesla's here, Boj. They want to know
if they can park it in your driveway.Copy !req
60. - No.Copy !req
61. Tell them I want my free Tesla parked
in my goddamn living room. I'm BoJack!Copy !req
62. Yeah, now we're doing it!
Look at us partying.Copy !req
63. BoJack, you got another delivery.
Someone sent a... nerd?Copy !req
64. Hi.Copy !req
65. You get a load
of this chili cheese fountain?Copy !req
66. - Grab a handful of beans and go to town.
- Hey, this is all really something.Copy !req
67. But I actually just came
because I heard about the nominationCopy !req
68. and I wanted to make sure you're okay.Copy !req
69. That's a funny way
of saying congratulations.Copy !req
70. But not funny "ha-ha",
more like funny Doonesbury.Copy !req
71. I know how this kind of thing
can sometimes send you spinning.Copy !req
72. "Oh, God, why doesn't this make me happy?
Will anything make me happy?Copy !req
73. I'm an empty husk." That kind of thing.Copy !req
74. Well, thank you for that,
but I'm actually doing great.Copy !req
75. I direct your attention to
the aforementioned chili cheese fountain!Copy !req
76. It's too bad I'm not managing
your social campaign anymore,Copy !req
77. because this party would make
a great Snapchat story.Copy !req
78. You are not gonna make me guilty
about leaving Princess Carolyn.Copy !req
79. I'm not here to make you feel guilty.
Like I said—Copy !req
80. Honestly, I don't even know
what you're doing over there.Copy !req
81. - Tweeting for celebrities?
- Well, actually, I don't—Copy !req
82. When I met you, you were
so cool and interesting—Copy !req
83. Uh, I was never cool.Copy !req
84. You used to actually care about shit.
What happened?Copy !req
85. I don't know, BoJack.
Maybe caring about shit got old.Copy !req
86. Maybe I'm tired of everyone yelling at me
and sending death threats to my house,Copy !req
87. and all my friends thinking I'm annoying,
and getting in fights with my husband,Copy !req
88. and seeing little refugee boys
die in hospital bombings.Copy !req
89. It's exhausting and I can't do it.
If that makes me a bad person,Copy !req
90. then I'm sorry that I'm not
the "cool, interesting girl."Copy !req
91. I never said you were a bad person.
I just said it's not you.Copy !req
92. And you know it's not you.Copy !req
93. Oh, and this party is you?
Who are all these people?Copy !req
94. - These are my friends.
- Name one of them.Copy !req
95. - Tes-ley.
- You're just looking at the Tesla.Copy !req
96. I don't know why it's so hard for you
to believe that I could be happy.Copy !req
97. I'm not like you, okay?Copy !req
98. - I don't fetishize my own sadness.
- I don't fetishize my own sadness.Copy !req
99. - Sure.
- You don't know anything about me.Copy !req
100. Hey!Copy !req
101. I know that you can tweet for a livingCopy !req
102. in a house in Beverly Hills
that your husband bought,Copy !req
103. or you can think you're better
than everyone, but you can't do both.Copy !req
104. - I don't think I'm better than everyone.
- And again, I say, sure.Copy !req
105. You know what's gonna happen?Copy !req
106. You're gonna win that Oscar,
and you're gonna go up on that stageCopy !req
107. and give your little speech,
and then you're gonna go home.Copy !req
108. And you're gonna be so miserable,
you'll want to kill yourself.Copy !req
109. And you're gonna have nobody left
to stop you.Copy !req
110. - Hey, it's BoJack!Copy !req
111. BoJack! BoJack!Copy !req
112. No one's gonna be there
when I kill myself?Copy !req
113. - Listen to that chanting, Diane.Copy !req
114. The chanting don't lie.Copy !req
115. There's going to be plenty
of people around when I kill myself.Copy !req
116. BoJack!Copy !req
117. Tell your readers
that BoJack was sleeping.Copy !req
118. He didn't even know
they were announced today.Copy !req
119. Okay. Goodbye, Heather.Copy !req
120. - Hey, Ana, can I ask you something?
- Of course, darling.Copy !req
121. - So, if I win the Oscar—
- "When" you win the Oscar.Copy !req
122. Right. But after that,
what's gonna happen to us?Copy !req
123. - What do you mean?
- What we have.Copy !req
124. It's more than
just an Oscar campaign, right?Copy !req
125. - I need to go.
- What?Copy !req
126. There's work to be done.Copy !req
127. We got the nomination,
but now, the real battle begins.Copy !req
128. Enjoy your party.
Stop worrying about the future.Copy !req
129. Come on, buddy! Come on!Copy !req
130. - Mr. Peanutbutter!
- Thank God you're okay.Copy !req
131. Better than okay. I'm wonderful.Copy !req
132. Thanks to you, you wonderful man.Copy !req
133. When you said my name this morning,
you changed my life.Copy !req
134. - About that—
- Hey, did you see Erica here?Copy !req
135. She was looking for you earlier,
with her good eye.Copy !req
136. Her other eye was looking to the stars.Copy !req
137. - BoJack, I need to talk to you.
- Yeah? What's going on, buddy?Copy !req
138. Well, I've got good news
and I've got bad news.Copy !req
139. Raven on a wire.
A gloomy portent, precariously perched.Copy !req
140. And, as the sun sets,
so does it spread its deathly shadowCopy !req
141. across the just and unjust
of the outdoor seating areaCopy !req
142. of the California Pizza Kitchen.Copy !req
143. Mm-hmm! And what better way
to view such disquieting omensCopy !req
144. than through these gorgeous
floor-to-ceiling windows?Copy !req
145. Yeah. Wow! They really make
regular windows look like shit.Copy !req
146. I can't look out the window
while lying on the floor?Copy !req
147. - No, thank you, regular window!
- Tell me a little about your company.Copy !req
148. Well, it started as a safe space
for women.Copy !req
149. Ooh!Copy !req
150. Then, it became a safe space
for women and men.Copy !req
151. Oh!Copy !req
152. Now, it's more
of a safe-ish space for women...Copy !req
153. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
154. and a really safe space
for men to look at women...Copy !req
155. I hear you.Copy !req
156. while also being driven around by them.Copy !req
157. - Wow! Something for everyone.
- Demand is skyrocketing.Copy !req
158. That's why we need a bigger office space.Copy !req
159. You come to work, clock in,Copy !req
160. you put sugar in your coffee,Copy !req
161. and watch it slowly disappear
into nothingness.Copy !req
162. But the sugar doesn't know why.
Sugar didn't ask to be born.Copy !req
163. Is he okay?Copy !req
164. He recently found out
that his brother's sick.Copy !req
165. Oh. I'm so sorry,
but you know what else is sick?Copy !req
166. - These hardwood floors.
- Ooh!Copy !req
167. Did you hear that, Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
168. Losing BoJack was a blow.
There's no way to sugarcoat it,Copy !req
169. even if I were generally good
at sugarcoating things, which I'm not.Copy !req
170. You know, I wish
cats really did have nine lives.Copy !req
171. It would make me feel better
about how much I'm screwing up this one.Copy !req
172. You're not screwing up your life.Copy !req
173. Sometimes I feel like,
if I could start everything over,Copy !req
174. knowing what I know now,
I'd do it all right this time.Copy !req
175. But other times I think...Copy !req
176. No, I wouldn't.Copy !req
177. As you all know, things have been rough,Copy !req
178. and, unfortunately,
we have to scale back our staff.Copy !req
179. - Mainly, you.
- Are you firing me?Copy !req
180. In a sense, yes.Copy !req
181. But, in another sense,
I'm promoting youCopy !req
182. to a position of finding a job
somewhere else.Copy !req
183. Yeah. I don't think I ever thanked you
for giving me this job in the first place.Copy !req
184. It was an honor to work with you.Copy !req
185. You were the worst social media
coordinator this company ever had.Copy !req
186. Are you sure you need surgery?
Can't you get a second opinion?Copy !req
187. Second opinion? You know
there's only one doctor on the Peninsula.Copy !req
188. I could ask him twice
if it'd make you feel better.Copy !req
189. Nothing could make me
feel better right now.Copy !req
190. Not even an amazing career opportunity.
Hold on, I'm getting another call.Copy !req
191. I've got to take this. It could be
an amazing career opportunity. Hello?Copy !req
192. Mr. Peanutbutter, this is Shep Von Trapp,Copy !req
193. awards show producer,Copy !req
194. with a career opportunityCopy !req
195. that is... good.Copy !req
196. This isn't a great time, Shep.
Could you call back?Copy !req
197. Absolutely... not.Copy !req
198. The Oscar nomination announcement
is in seven days and we don't have a host.Copy !req
199. Sadly, Jimmy Fallon just broke his face.Copy !req
200. What? Halloween in January?Copy !req
201. What a crazy concept! I can't believe it!Copy !req
202. I mean, what is this?
Barry Gibb would be like...Copy !req
203. No. First, I gotta get a selfie
with this thing.Copy !req
204. - I'm Jimmy Fallon—Copy !req
205. Und you are our first choiceCopy !req
206. after our first "first choice"
got hit by a bus.Copy !req
207. You're our second "first choice."
What do you say?Copy !req
208. Ooh, a job like that? You want
a fully present presenter to present.Copy !req
209. And I don't know
if I've got the pep in my stepCopy !req
210. to take that show
where it needs to go, you know?Copy !req
211. I've got a real pepless step, Shep.Copy !req
212. Okay, well, let me know,
because if you don't want to do it,Copy !req
213. we'll probably just post the list
of nominees online or something.Copy !req
214. It's really not that big of a deal.Copy !req
215. Hey, sorry about that.
Just got a call from the Oscars.Copy !req
216. - They want me to host—
- They want you to host the Oscars?Copy !req
217. Nomination announcement.Copy !req
218. But I don't think
I have it in me right now.Copy !req
219. Are you kidding?
You gotta take that gig.Copy !req
220. - Really?
- Mr. Peanutbutter...Copy !req
221. what did Nana Peanutbutter always say?Copy !req
222. "Always take every opportunity
that comes your wayCopy !req
223. because opportunities
are like sneezes from God,Copy !req
224. and when God sneezes,
you can't say 'God bless you' to God,Copy !req
225. so instead you have
to take the opportunity.Copy !req
226. I'm cold. Will you pass me that blanket?"Copy !req
227. Boy, that old gal had something
for everything, didn't she?Copy !req
228. I know you're worried about me,Copy !req
229. but sitting around the house worrying
isn't going to help anyone.Copy !req
230. Okay, but you'll call me
when you get out of the surgery, right?Copy !req
231. I'm not gonna let my phone leave my sight.Copy !req
232. Of course. And now,
I've got something new to live for.Copy !req
233. My little brother, telling the whole world
who got an Oscar!Copy !req
234. Nomination.Copy !req
235. We are minutes away.
Shep, release the envelope.Copy !req
236. Copy that. Releasing the envelope.Copy !req
237. It's go time.Copy !req
238. It's go time.Copy !req
239. - Are you ready, Brother Pricewater?
- Of course, Brother Housecoopers.Copy !req
240. Mr. Peanutbutter,
we'd like to invite you to the stage.Copy !req
241. It's here! The golden envelope.Copy !req
242. - Hmm...
- Herr Peanutbutter?Copy !req
243. Okay. Oh, my phone.
What should I do with it, Todd?Copy !req
244. - Maybe you should hold it.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
245. - No, I'll take it with me.
- All right.Copy !req
246. - No, you hold it.
- Sure thing, yeah.Copy !req
247. - No, put it in my jacket pocket.
- Right here. Okay.Copy !req
248. Oh, no, it's a fake pocket.
Tricked again!Copy !req
249. - Todd, it's ringing. This is it.Copy !req
250. Oh, no, my phone!Copy !req
251. Oh, no, I kicked it, right through
that doorway into the hallway!Copy !req
252. Now, other people are kicking it
and it's sliding across the floor!Copy !req
253. - Okay, this is getting absurd.
- Let's get that phone!Copy !req
254. Mr. Peanutbutter,
you have been invited to the stage!Copy !req
255. - Excuse me!
- Hey!Copy !req
256. Sorry. If you could just— My phone!Copy !req
257. I'm coming to get you!Copy !req
258. - That way!Copy !req
259. Come on, phone. Just stop!Copy !req
260. - Hello?
- Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
261. I just, um... I wanted to give you
a chance to say goodbye...Copy !req
262. - Oh, no.
- ... to my twisted spleen.Copy !req
263. Because it was successfully removed
from my body!Copy !req
264. Oh, my God, that's incredible!Copy !req
265. Now, get out there
and announce those Oscars!Copy !req
266. Nominations. You got it, buddy.Copy !req
267. Okay. Now, where's the... the...Copy !req
268. Uh-oh. Could've sworn it was right here.Copy !req
269. - Oh!Copy !req
270. Oh! There you are.
You need to get on stage.Copy !req
271. Yes, just as soon as you give me that
backup envelope, please and por favor.Copy !req
272. What back-up envelope?
There is no back-up envelope.Copy !req
273. That was a test and you passed.Copy !req
274. Wunderbar.
Now, let's get you out there.Copy !req
275. Yes, gotta get out there, on to the stage,
to announce the nominations.Copy !req
276. Just as soon as I—
Oh, my God, is that Bradley Cooper?Copy !req
277. Bradley Cooper?
We love him for some reason.Copy !req
278. - Where?
- Let's go, Todd.Copy !req
279. - Oh, God, what do we do?
- It's okay.Copy !req
280. We just need to come up
with all the nominees ourselves.Copy !req
281. But I haven't even seen all the movies.Copy !req
282. Todd, nobody has.
That's not how they give out awards.Copy !req
283. - But—
- Time for talk is over.Copy !req
284. Now's the time for action.Copy !req
285. And by "action," I mean
talking about these 24 categoriesCopy !req
286. until we've settled on a list of nominees.Copy !req
287. You need to tell me right now,
are you in or out?Copy !req
288. Well, when you put it that way,Copy !req
289. I guess you can call me
high-waisted denim,Copy !req
290. because, right now, I am very in.Copy !req
291. Let's do this.Copy !req
292. What did you think of Frieda Pinto?Copy !req
293. Are you kidding me?
Anybody could do what she did.Copy !req
294. "Don't take my baby.
I'll give you all my Bitcoins!"Copy !req
295. Wow. That is good.Copy !req
296. Okay, for Best Picture,
what about Avatar?Copy !req
297. - That was a good movie.
- True, but did that come out this year?Copy !req
298. - I feel like I just saw it.
- Well, there's no way to know for sure.Copy !req
299. Let's just throw it on the list.Copy !req
300. Ooh, do we have Daniel Day-Lewis
down for anything? He's always there.Copy !req
301. Good catch! I'll add him.Copy !req
302. Daniel Day-Lewis.Copy !req
303. Okay. We need one more nominee
for Best Actor. Oh, what about BoJack?Copy !req
304. His performance in Secretariat
was as thoughtful and self-awareCopy !req
305. as we've ever seen him.Copy !req
306. - Besides, he's our friend.
- Is he?Copy !req
307. Whoa! I am surprised to hear
you say that, Todd Chavez.Copy !req
308. - Let's dig into that. We have time.
- I don't think we do.Copy !req
309. You're supposed to be
announcing these, like, now.Copy !req
310. There is always time
to talk about our feelings.Copy !req
311. As my Nana Peanutbutter used to say,Copy !req
312. "There's always time
to talk about feelings,Copy !req
313. because feelings
are the ceilings of our hearts,Copy !req
314. and a leaky feeling ceiling
leads to a flood of blood.Copy !req
315. And I'm cold.
Will you pass me that blanket?"Copy !req
316. Well, I guess I'm just tired
of BoJack walking all over everybodyCopy !req
317. and still getting everything he wants.Copy !req
318. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I think
the important thing to remember hereCopy !req
319. is that BoJack is a damaged individual,Copy !req
320. struggling against a sea of demons,
many self-created, but still all too real.Copy !req
321. Getting this nomination
from the two friends he loves the most—Copy !req
322. you and also me—
would really mean a lot to him.Copy !req
323. Okay.Copy !req
324. But did you really think
he was that good in the movie?Copy !req
325. Oh, I haven't seen it. It seemed long.Copy !req
326. And the final nominee
for Best Picture is Avatar.Copy !req
327. Well, those are all the nominations.
I will not be taking any questions.Copy !req
328. Goodbye. I must go.Copy !req
329. I gotta say, we picked
some top-notch noms.Copy !req
330. You know it!Copy !req
331. Boy, was I glad when we got
out of that theater, though.Copy !req
332. I know. So many questions.Copy !req
333. "Oh, what the hell happened?Copy !req
334. Why were you reading off that napkin?
Why are you guys running?"Copy !req
335. They have their nominees.
What more could they want?Copy !req
336. You know what's crazy?
We saved the day today,Copy !req
337. and no one will ever even know.Copy !req
338. - Hey, we'll know.Copy !req
339. Mr. Peanutbutter, we know what you did.Copy !req
340. Oh, boy.Copy !req
341. So, the good news is,
my brother's surgery was a success.Copy !req
342. And the bad news is,
you're not nominated for an Oscar.Copy !req
343. And the other good news is...Copy !req
344. that each breath is a giftCopy !req
345. and it is a joy to live.Copy !req
346. - What?
- We are so lucky we get to be alive.Copy !req
347. - No, before that.
- Oh, I didn't tell you.Copy !req
348. - My brother's been sick.
- No, I don't care about your brother.Copy !req
349. First of all, manners.Copy !req
350. Second of all, I think if you met him,
you'd actually really hit it off.Copy !req
351. Imagine me but with less
"in your face" cool guy attitude.Copy !req
352. Did you say I'm not nominated
for an Oscar?Copy !req
353. Oh...Copy !req
354. A lot of people are mighty steamed,Copy !req
355. but I feel like what everyone's
overlooking here is,Copy !req
356. I got most of the categories dead-on.Copy !req
357. That's pretty amazing, and I am not
getting enough credit for that.Copy !req
358. Did you know
that Avatar came out in 2009?Copy !req
359. - I'm not nominated for an Oscar.
- No.Copy !req
360. But you know what they say.
"It's an honor just to be nominated."Copy !req
361. Oh, wait.Copy !req
362. So, I'm just like everybody else.Copy !req
363. I know you're upset, but whatever you do,
please don't get mad at Todd.Copy !req
364. - Why would I get mad at Todd?
- Exactly. This is totally my fault.Copy !req
365. - He didn't even want to nominate you.
- What?Copy !req
366. With the gift of hindsight,Copy !req
367. I see now how that might have
made you even more upset.Copy !req
368. But I realized something today,
when my brother called from the hospital,Copy !req
369. and I think it's gonna
make you feel a lot better.Copy !req
370. - What? What is it?
- None of this matters.Copy !req
371. Okay, I'll see you later, buddy.Copy !req
372. As a partner in the company,Copy !req
373. I am prepared to forgo my salary
for the next three months,Copy !req
374. but even then, we're going
to need some sort of miracle.Copy !req
375. What are we doing?
What was the point of any of this?Copy !req
376. I wasted everyone's time for six months.Copy !req
377. Soon, I'll get some offer
from one of the big five agenciesCopy !req
378. that I can't say no to,Copy !req
379. and I'll go back to being another cogCopy !req
380. in the giant Play-Doh spaghetti maker
that is this industry.Copy !req
381. - Is that the best I can hope for?
- Not necessarily.Copy !req
382. Although, there is one thing
I should probably mention.Copy !req
383. What is it, Judah?Copy !req
384. Maybe this is an opportunity
to live one of your other eight lives.Copy !req
385. Yeah, maybe.Copy !req
386. It's been a pleasure
working with you, Judah.Copy !req
387. I found it to be
an above average experience.Copy !req
388. Please forgive me for getting emotional.Copy !req
389. Rye, wheat, or sourdough?Copy !req
390. Can I get it on stale?Copy !req
391. And then, he said,
I fetishize my own sadness.Copy !req
392. What did you think was
gonna happen? Why did you go there?Copy !req
393. I don't know.Copy !req
394. - Did you ask for water?
- No.Copy !req
395. They're not supposed to give us water
unless we ask.Copy !req
396. - Don't they know there's a drought?
- You want to send the water back?Copy !req
397. No, I want the water. I just...Copy !req
398. I went to BoJack's house
to congratulate him.Copy !req
399. I'm not trying to pick fights.Copy !req
400. Well, you don't have to see him at all
if you don't want to.Copy !req
401. It's not like you work for him anymore.Copy !req
402. - Is he right? Am I a bad person?
- Who cares what he thinks?Copy !req
403. Why do you have
this weird fixation with him?Copy !req
404. I do not have a fixation, Roxy.
I worry about him.Copy !req
405. Okay. And last year?Copy !req
406. When you came back from Cordovia
and needed a place to crash?Copy !req
407. Oh, you could have stayed with me,
or any of your other friends,Copy !req
408. but you went right to his house.Copy !req
409. Did you ever ask yourself why?Copy !req
410. They're filling everyone's glasses.
This is insane.Copy !req
411. Oh, my God. What do you care?Copy !req
412. Hey, excuse me? Excuse me?Copy !req
413. Do you know you're breaking the law
by giving everybody water?Copy !req
414. It's okay. I want the water.Copy !req
415. Yeah, we all want water.
That's not the point.Copy !req
416. In the state of California,
it is illegal for a restaurantCopy !req
417. to serve people water
before they ask for it.Copy !req
418. There is a drought.Copy !req
419. Sit down! We're thirsty!Copy !req
420. You know,
this is what's wrong with society.Copy !req
421. Diane...Copy !req
422. Nobody thinks about the world
outside themselves.Copy !req
423. So, how you doing?
You still working at that place?Copy !req
424. - Hello?
- Hi, Ralph. It's Princess Carolyn.Copy !req
425. Oh, my God, Princess Carolyn,
I never thought I'd hear from you again.Copy !req
426. I might have some free time coming up.Copy !req
427. I was wondering
if you might want to get a drink.Copy !req
428. Okay. So, the night I met you after I said
goodbye, the craziest thing happened.Copy !req
429. Okay?Copy !req
430. I was walking back to my car,
when all of a sudden,Copy !req
431. - this woman...
Oh.Copy !req
432. tripped on a cobblestone,
twisted her ankle,Copy !req
433. - and tumbled into my arms.
What?Copy !req
434. Turns out, she was a ballerina,
and she didn't speak a word of English.Copy !req
435. So, I rushed her to the hospital,
and long story short, we eloped.Copy !req
436. Oh.
- I moved to Russia,Copy !req
437. and I'm totally messing with you.Copy !req
438. - None of that's true.
- What?Copy !req
439. I would love to see you again.
I think about you all the time.Copy !req
440. - Really?
- Yeah. How about this Saturday?Copy !req
441. It's a date.Copy !req
442. - Ana?Copy !req
443. Uh, no, it's just me,
giant chocolate Oscar guy.Copy !req
444. I'm here to pick up
the giant chocolate Oscar.Copy !req
445. My boss really wants our product
to only be seen with real Oscar nominees.Copy !req
446. You know, to maintain the integrity
of the giant chocolate Oscar.Copy !req
447. I don't care. Take it.Copy !req
448. You've reached Ana Spanakopita.Copy !req
449. How did you get this number?
Explain yourself.Copy !req
450. - Ana, this is the fourth time I've called.Copy !req
451. Please call me back. I need you.Copy !req
452. Ana, please.
This is BoJack, by the way. Horseman.Copy !req
453. Hey! Todd! Where you been?Copy !req
454. - Oh, hi.
- You were in Ojai?Copy !req
455. - No, I was just saying hi.
- Well, why not go to Ojai, huh?Copy !req
456. You and me?
I could use an escape, couldn't you?Copy !req
457. It's not really a good time.Copy !req
458. Todd, I need this.
You're my best friend and I need you.Copy !req
459. Don't leave me now.
Don't be like everybody else.Copy !req
460. I'm not leaving you. I just—Copy !req
461. Besides, I think you owe me, right?
After what you did?Copy !req
462. - What I did?
- Come on, Todd. I know.Copy !req
463. - Mr. Peanutbutter told me everything.
- Everything?Copy !req
464. Even told you, when I was a kid, I used
to bang on my butt like a bongo drumCopy !req
465. - when I got out of the bath?
- What?Copy !req
466. Mm, no, not-not about that.Copy !req
467. So, he didn't tell you everything.Copy !req
468. Did he tell you about the time
I counted to a million?Copy !req
469. One, two, three, four, five, six—Copy !req
470. - No, stop.
- But I was just getting to the good part!Copy !req
471. What? Seven? He told me you didn't want
to nominate me for an Oscar.Copy !req
472. - Oh, that.
- What the hell, man?Copy !req
473. - After everything I've done for you?
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
474. Oh, I don't know. Letting you live here
for free for six years?Copy !req
475. Giving you food, indulging you
in your little projects and adventuresCopy !req
476. and stories about how you used to bang
on your butt like a bongo drum?Copy !req
477. I let you turn my houseCopy !req
478. into your company's headquarters
for the last month.Copy !req
479. Yeah, but that's not
because you're my friend.Copy !req
480. - That's because you felt bad about Emily.
- You know about Emily?Copy !req
481. I think I know.
Why? What do you think I know?Copy !req
482. I mean, I know what I think,Copy !req
483. but I don't know if the thing that I think
is the thing that you think I know.Copy !req
484. - You know?
- So, you know I had sex with Emily.Copy !req
485. You had sex with Emily?Copy !req
486. - Well, what did you think?
- I don't know! Not that!Copy !req
487. I just knew something sketchy happened.Copy !req
488. I thought maybe you gave her
one of your weird monologuesCopy !req
489. about how sad you are,Copy !req
490. and it bummed her out!Copy !req
491. Todd, I'm sorry, all right?
I screwed up.Copy !req
492. - I know I screwed up. I don't know why—
- Oh, great! Of course! Here it comes!Copy !req
493. You can't keep doing this!Copy !req
494. You can't keep doing shitty things,
and then feel bad about yourselfCopy !req
495. like that makes it okay!Copy !req
496. You need to be better!Copy !req
497. I know. And I'm sorry, okay?Copy !req
498. I was drunk, and there was all this
pressure with the Oscar campaign.Copy !req
499. - But now— Now that it's over, I—
- No! No, BoJack, just stop.Copy !req
500. You are all the things
that are wrong with you.Copy !req
501. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs,Copy !req
502. or any of the shitty things
that happened to you in your career,Copy !req
503. or when you were a kid.Copy !req
504. It's you.Copy !req
505. All right? It's you.Copy !req
506. Fuck, man.
What else is there to say?Copy !req