1. A hummingbird smiled at me
on my walk this morning.
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2. In small pleasures such as this,
I'm reminded of the presence of the Lord.
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3. - As you ought.
- And yet...
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4. - No.
- Out with it, Sister Marguerite.
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5. To hesitate is to waste time,
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6. which is a sin when time
could be elsewise spent in prayer,
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7. or handwashing Monsignor Toscani's
1962 Alfa Romeo,
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8. which is itself a form of prayer,
is it not?
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9. Of course. Yet I find myself consumed
by thoughts of my past.
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10. You have no past. You've confessed.
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11. Your sins have been washed clean.
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12. This is like day one stuff,
what are we talking about here?
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13. The people I've hurt,
the lives I've ruined,
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14. are they washed clean as well?
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15. Your regrets are of no benefit
to the Lord.
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16. Ruminating so is a solipsism unbefitting
a sister of the cloth.
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17. Is it solipsism to be concerned
with the fates of others?
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18. Perhaps one could argue
cloistering oneself from the world
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19. is itself a form of solipsism.
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20. If one were being ungenerous.
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21. Remember when you first arrived here
and you didn't talk for like two years?
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22. I will trouble you no further, Mother.
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23. Lord, how you challenge me
with so vexing a pupil.
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24. - Hmm?
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25. What dereliction is this?
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26. When you get to Heaven,
look up Margo Martindale!
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27. I won't be there, but my movies will!
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28. I wanna know what's changed
since the strike.
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29. Are assistants treated better or have
things reverted to business as usual?
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30. Yeah, give me ten inches.
I also want a roast beef sub.
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31. - Six inches.
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32. - Paige Sinclair is on her way up.
- Ah, shit.
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33. She's the best reporter
this building's ever seen,
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34. but, goddamn,
is that woman a pain in the ass.
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35. Colleagues!
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36. Your eyes do not deceive!
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37. You may find my gown overly formal
for the workplace,
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38. but that is because I am, as of today
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39. formerly a member
of this vaulted institution.
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40. As I'm to be wed tonight
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41. and the newsroom is no room
for a domesticated woman,
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42. - I bid you farewell.
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43. Okay, goodbye.
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44. Yes, mine was a storied run
as the star reporter for "The Reporter."
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45. "Front Page Paige," they called me!
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46. - Well, we'll miss you, Paige.
- Indeed.
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47. My shoes don't fill easy,
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48. my left foot striking a more robust
silhouette than her starboard sister.
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49. But I cannot prolong my engagement.
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50. After all, time, as they say,
is a river without banks.
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51. Time may not have banks,
but this periodical certainly does.
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52. Maximillian Banks, at my service!
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53. Maximilian Banks.
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54. I may lack your nose for news,
but I've got an eyeball for a highball!
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55. Why, this man couldn't
string together two clauses
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56. without ending on a preposition.
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57. I don't know what you're referring to.
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58. You could fill a library
with all the things you don't know.
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59. In fact, they do.
They call them libraries.
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60. Guys, we're trying to work here.
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61. No matter, I shan't be staying.
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62. My sweet betrothed, Baxter Bellamy,
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63. awaits with champagne
to chauffeur me directly to my nuptials,
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64. and I didn't think I'd visit long,
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65. so I left him in the car
with the windows up.
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66. Good, I've got business
to attend to as well.
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67. I'll have you know it's almost time
for my mid-morning confabulation
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68. with a former stage mother to the stars,
Mrs. Carol Himmelfarb-Richardson.
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69. You've been taking those phone calls?
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70. Yes, she is as loony as a Canadian dollar,
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71. but she is a scintillating
conversationalist.
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72. Oh? What about the conversation
scintillates?
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73. She calls every day to see if we have
any information on her dead daughter.
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74. - The answer's always no.
- Sounds like a scoop.
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75. It's not. It's a pop star who overdosed.
Open-and-shut case.
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76. - All the better for opening and shutting.
- Why do you have that?
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77. Baxter, my boy,
my dear sweet beautiful bridegroom,
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78. best put the champagne on ice.
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79. I've got a story that simply demands
my attention
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80. and I just couldn't marry you
before it's settled.
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81. I'd only be distracted,
which isn't fair to you or me.
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82. Oh, darling, I've already committed
to being your wife.
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83. What, you need to hear a few measly words?
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84. Well, "I do." Does that satisfy?
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85. I do, I do, I do,
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86. and I do want you
to wait for me to ring you again shortly.
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87. I knew you'd understand.
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88. Oh. Mm!
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89. Now, as to the girl.
I smell beans. Spill 'em.
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90. The girl's name was Sharon Lynn.
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91. It's Sarah Lynn.
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92. Hmm...
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93. Did you ever notice that this music video
takes place in a planetarium,
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94. - and Sarah Lynn died in a planetarium?
- Huh.
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95. - Uh... Hey, Tawnie.
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96. Are we going to this party?
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97. I didn't come all the way down
to Manhattan
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98. to just watch you watch your boyfriend
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99. be on the internet
at his parents' fancy house.
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100. Don't parent-shame him, Hollyhock.
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101. It's not Trey's fault he grew up
in an Upper Westside brownstone.
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102. Also, I'm not her boyfriend.
We're uncomplicated like that.
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103. Come on! We're missing the party.
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104. What? No. If we show up before 2:00,
everyone's gonna think we're losers.
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105. Fine. But can't we do something else
while we wait?
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106. Let's explore the city!
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107. The Big Apple.
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108. There she is.
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109. Apparently, there's a bar around here
called Hartigan's.
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110. My cousin and his friends call it
"They-Don't-Cardigan's." I don't get it.
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111. Wow, a real New York bar.
That could be cool.
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112. Yeah, a bar! But how often are we
in New York?
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113. Let's go to the top
of the Empire State Building,
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114. like the big ape
in that movie, Sleepless in Seattle!
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115. All right! Big building!
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116. Lord, we thank You for this bounty— Ella?
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117. That place you sent me didn't fix me.
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118. Because I am not a thing to be fixed,
Daddy.
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119. Have a seat. We're havin' bacon-blasted
chicken fingers from Chicken-4-Dayz.
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120. I'm not staying. I'm going to a place
where the people accept me.
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121. You sit your ass in that chair, Ella,
because that place is right here.
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122. Oh, Daddy!
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123. That's what I wish I'd said.
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124. I haven't seen Ella in four years,
but every night I bring home dinner,
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125. I get an extra bucket of bacon-blasted
chicken fingers just for her,
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126. so that if she ever comes home...
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127. she'll know that she's welcome
at our table.
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128. Huh?
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129. Kelsey Jannings,
our little indie film darling,
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130. I think I speak for both of us
when I say gooba, gooba, hey, yah, yah!
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131. Tears. Feel my cheeks.
Damp cheeks over here.
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132. I do notice it's not
as Chicken-4-Dayz-focused
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133. as maybe it seemed in the outline stage?
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134. Talk us through your journey there.
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135. What do you want?
You want a close-up of the bucket?
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136. Ooh, I think that would make it
feel like a commercial,
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137. and what's so innovative
about this content
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138. is that it's not a commercial.
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139. Right, I forgot about the innovative part
of it. Excuse me.
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140. Our target demo responds poorly
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141. when they feel
they're being advertised to,
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142. but they love stories that engage them
on their level,
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143. utilizing themes of inclusivity,
as well as dunking on the olds.
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144. Ah, yes, teens love dunking on olds,
is there any way to get more of that in?
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145. - Well, we already shot the ad.
- Not an ad.
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146. The immersive product placement journey.
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147. But maybe I can find takes
that are in more of a dunking tone,
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148. as well as shots
that highlight more prominently
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149. but do not feature the bucket
of chicken-bacon finger-blasters.
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150. Thank you for letting us help you share
your beautiful vision with the world.
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151. No. Thank you.
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152. I'm sorry, it's bullshit.
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153. A gig's a gig.
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154. And Vassar doesn't accept indie cred
in lieu of my daughter's tuition.
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155. I just don't believe it.
You're a way better director than I am.
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156. If you'd told me that one day
you'd be doing chicken commercials—
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157. - Not a commercial.
- That you'd be doing
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158. sponsored content pre-roll
for Beverly Hillbillies reruns on Gronkle
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159. while I'm directing another
action-adventure blockbuster,
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160. this one set in the world
of competitive ballroom dancing,
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161. working title, "Balls to the Wall,"
if you'd told me that...
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162. You'd be super-stoked?
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163. Yeah, first, I'd be really stoked,
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164. but then eventually,
I would get around to being outraged.
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165. It is fun that we're both working
on the same lot, though.
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166. - Right?
- Yeah.
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167. - Sorry.
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168. - What now?
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169. Again? Okay.
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170. - Yeah. I'll talk to her.
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171. What are these new pages?
Why do I have new pages?
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172. You don't like the new pages?
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173. The content of the pages
is not the issue, Justin.
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174. - Yeah.
- I spent time preparing the other pages.
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175. You understand?
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176. I rehearsed them. I studied them.
That's precious time I'll never get back!
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177. And then some person—
I don't know this person—
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178. And by the way, I don't like strange
persons knocking on my door
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179. and then letting themselves in.
The knock is so I can tell you to enter.
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180. If you just enter,
what is the purpose of the knock?
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181. You're right, of course.
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182. My point is about the pages.
Why are you throwing new things at me?
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183. The insurance guys are nixing
the car chase.
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184. We had to think fast, so we put together
a new hand-to-hand combat scene
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185. we're gonna throw on top
of the meringue number.
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186. - So, it's a stunt?
- I thought you'd be excited.
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187. I'm excited!
It's more time spent on your face.
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188. Ever since I directed you in that episode
of "Female Body Inspectors,"
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189. I thought...
"I gotta give this woman her close-up."
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190. Don't produce me, Justin.
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191. Is there choreography?
When am I learning this stunt?
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192. April's gonna be on set.
She'll make sure you understand the stunt.
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193. - And it's gonna be safe?
- We are taking every precaution.
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194. And we are not gonna shoot
until you are 100 percent comfortable.
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195. Thank you.
I didn't mean to bite your head off.
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196. - I just don't like being surprised, okay?
- Totally my fault.
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197. I should've warned you.
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198. Is there something else going on
that I should know about?
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199. I'm fine. I'm actually being
really cool here.
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200. I'm not some kind of monster
just because I don't like surprises.
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201. I'm number one on the call sheet.
I'm entitled to a little respect.
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202. No, you're right.
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203. I mean, I've worked on projects
where the number one on the call sheet
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204. was like an actual crazy person,
so I think I'm being really cool.
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205. - You are being so cool.
- Yeah?
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206. Mm-hmm.
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207. Can you wait
until you're out of earshot
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208. to make your exasperated sighs, please?
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209. Yes, sorry!
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210. Huh?
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211. Kelsey! You can't
compare yourself to Justin Kenyon.
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212. - What's the difference?
- The difference is he has a great agent.
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213. That was a joke,
but I see you're in no mood.
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214. I'm a good director.
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215. Yes, but Justin's movies
make actual money.
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216. The last big movie you were on,
you got fired off of.
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217. Explain this to me.
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218. I didn't break
into the Nixon Library alone
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219. and yet I'm the only one
whose career has suffered.
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220. Why do you think that is?
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221. Kelse, I don't know by what fancy
the fates push us about
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222. in their great cosmic dance.
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223. - I am but an agent.
- What about these stories I keep hearing
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224. about how people wanna hire
more female directors?
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225. Oh, they want to, they want to so bad.
Just not for this particular project.
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226. Which particular project?
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227. Anyone. I mean, you name it.
Whatever Paul Feig's doing.
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228. You need to get me out of director jail.
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229. Even Roman Polanski works more than I do,
and he should be in actual jail.
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230. Yeah, for his last
couple of movies, at least, right? Woof!
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231. No. Not for his last couple of movies.
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232. Carol, be a doll and tell this dame
what you told me.
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233. I just don't understand
why my daughter would start using again.
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234. She was sober.
She was going to AA meetings.
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235. You suspect foul play?
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236. Listen to this,
the last voicemail I ever got from her,
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237. - a month before she died.
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238. Hey, Mommy.
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239. I got out of a meeting
and we're making amends,
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240. so I just wanted to say I'm sorry
I'm such a disappointment.
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241. I'm sorry my platinum records clashed
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242. with the chic minimalism
of your new sun room.
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243. And I'm sorry I didn't introduce you
as my older sister
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244. when we met David Hasselhoff
at the Kids' Choice Awards.
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245. And I'm sorry I've never been
enough for you, Mommy!
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246. What an angel.
She just wanted me to be happy.
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247. What is the "we"?
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248. - What?
- Yeah! At the beginning.
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249. She says, "We're making amends."
Who's this "we"?
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250. You know, we don't have to go
to this party if you don't want to.
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251. What? I'm the one who keeps saying,
"Let's go to the party."
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252. The only reason I came down here was so
we could go to this party and get drunk.
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253. Come on. I've gone to like
a hundred parties with you.
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254. You always say you're gonna drink,
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255. and you never do, which is fine,
by the way!
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256. No one's ever offered me a drink.
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257. I keep waiting
for this famous peer pressure
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258. I've heard so much about
and it never happens!
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259. You wanna go have a drink? Here I am,
your peer, pressuring you.
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260. I'm nervous about losing control,
you know?
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261. I think drinking alcohol
might not be for you.
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262. But I don't wanna be scared of something
that's supposed to be fun.
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263. That's why I wanna go to that party
with a bunch of strangers.
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264. Because if I'm gonna lose control, I don't
want it to be in front of people I know.
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265. - Okay, weirdo.
- You're a weirdo.
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266. Because I am not a thing to be fixed,
Daddy.
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267. Do you think we should ADR her saying
"Daddy-o"? Is "Daddy-o" more of a dunk?
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268. - Hello?
- Um, hello?
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269. Am I speaking
to the future director of "Fireflame"?
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270. - What's that?
- "Fireflame"! It's a superhero movie!
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271. Ugh. Another one?
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272. Yes, but the difference is this one's
about a lady superhero,
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273. which means this one you could
actually get hired on!
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274. I don't want them to hire me
just because I'm a woman.
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275. Ugh. You think Justin Kenyon says,
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276. "I don't want them to hire me
just because I'm a man"?
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277. Of course not! He says, "Money,
money, money. Nom, nom, nom."
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278. I have heard him say that.
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279. Besides, they don't want this
to be just another superhero movie.
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280. They're looking for someone who can make
a superhero movie with a twist!
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281. So, what, they want me to pitch the twist?
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282. - No, the twist is that it's a woman.
- Oh.
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283. But they do wanna hear your take,
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284. by which I mean they want you,
as a woman, to tell them their take.
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285. Hmm...
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286. I've been saying for years
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287. as soon as we run out
of popular male characters
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288. and we've given them each two sequels,
we have to make a movie about Fireflame!
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289. I think that's really edgy
and outside the box.
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290. Outside is exactly where we're trying
to be, in relation to the box.
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291. We really think Fireflame can connect
with today's Yas Queen culture.
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292. Yeah, I got a real Yas Queen vibe
from her.
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293. She comes in, she saves the day,
everyone loves her!
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294. - Wow.
- Oh.
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295. Didn't I tell you this would make
a great movie?
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296. Uh, pretty sure I told you, Nancy.
I have always loved Fireflame.
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297. I'm sorry. I remember now,
you did tell me that.
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298. Well, uh, thanks for coming in.
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299. We're obviously gonna hear a lot of takes,
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300. but it seems like you have
a special connection to the material.
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301. I do.
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302. Aw. Aha!
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303. I'm famished. Let's find a place where
I can get a glass with an olive in it.
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304. Try to stay on task, won't you, Maxy?
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305. If Sarah Lynn was going to meetings here,
someone must have seen her,
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306. and if someone saw something,
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307. then I wanna know it,
particularly as it pertains—
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308. What crime have I committed
to deserve so long a sentence?
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309. I've got a point.
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310. Once you arrived at it,
send me a postcard.
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311. The starlet was alone
when she died, right?
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312. But there was someone else
with her while she was blotto.
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313. Who was that person? What'd they see?
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314. And why weren't they mentioned
in the police report?
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315. There's your who, what and why.
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316. Get a when and a where in there,
and we've got ourselves a story.
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317. Bully for you, you're almost caught up
to where I was an hour ago.
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318. Let's chat again in an hour
when you've gotten to where I'm at now.
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319. Sounds good.
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320. In the meantime, someone in this building
might just offer the key
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321. that opens the gate to the garden
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322. with the tree that bears the fruit
that is our scoop.
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323. Get someone to squeal on an AA meeting?
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324. I do believe one "A"
of the two stands for "anonymous."
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325. The other "A",
I could not possibly fathom.
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326. I envy your faith in the honor
and discretion of other people.
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327. Let's see how that honor stacks up
against the desire
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328. to dish on celebrities
so as to appear swank by association.
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329. Excuse me, kind stranger.
I'm writing a story
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330. - on the efficacy of your program.
- Uh-huh.
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331. I understand one of the pillars
is anonymity, but if you could...
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332. I once saw Craig Ferguson here!
I don't know why I said that.
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333. Oh.
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334. I really shouldn't say. It's anonymous,
but I have seen Robert Downey, Jr.
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335. Jamie Lee Curtis winked at me once.
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336. Colin Farrell, Russell Brand,
the Ikea Monkey.
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337. - Sarah Lynn, I've seen.
- Really?
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338. About a month before she died.
It was pretty clear she was using.
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339. Well, how do you figure?
Did she say something?
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340. She didn't, but her friend did.
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341. - Her friend?
- Large fella.
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342. I think he was a horse
or a bull maybe, it's hard to remember.
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343. Kind of like a rounder Brad Garrett type,
but with a very forgettable face.
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344. He told a story, though, I remember that.
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345. It was about a trip he took to...
New Mexico.
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346. - Oh?
- Yeah, it was about a girl and a mother.
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347. Oh, this is so long ago now.
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348. I think he had sex with the girl,
or maybe he had sex with the mother?
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349. Well, do get your story sorted,
but I'd prefer it if it's sordid.
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350. And this man left with Sarah Lynn?
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351. Do you recall anything else
about this man, his name, perhaps?
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352. No, but I remember the girl's name.
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353. Yes, Sarah Lynn,
now we're all up to speed.
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354. No, the girl from his story.
The one in New Mexico.
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355. He was weirdly proud of it,
said her name was Penny Carson.
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356. Carson, eh?
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357. "Penny Carson," he said. "And that's
her real name, you can look her up!"
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358. I remember thinking,
"Why does he want us to look her up?"
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359. Hmm.
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360. So she's sexy,
but don't you call her sweetheart.
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361. - Boy.
- Oh, that is so Fireflame.
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362. - Oh, wow!
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363. - Stop!
- What?
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364. - I'm sorry, I can't let you—
- Uh, excuse me.
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365. Are you already— Sorry.
I'm sure she's got a great pitch,
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366. but the movie you want,
it's just not realistic.
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367. Sure it is.
Wendy Wiggum ate fire as a baby
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368. and now she holds the power
of the Fireflame. It's all very logical.
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369. No, I just mean you're doing this
all wrong.
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370. She saves the day,
and everybody loves her?
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371. I mean, yeah, that makes sense
if she's a man.
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372. But it's never worked like that for me.
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373. Well, this isn't about you.
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374. That's right! It's about an exotic dancer
who's also interdimensional.
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375. No. I mean the rules are different
for women.
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376. If you're a woman
and you save the day, nobody loves you.
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377. People take you for granted,
or worse, they resent you.
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378. They punish you.
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379. The more powerful you are,
the more they'll take your power away.
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380. And I just think if your movie is smart,
you'll acknowledge that.
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381. - Ooh, yeah, sounds like a bummer.
- Yeah, it's a bummer.
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382. Being a superhero is hard.
Otherwise, everyone would do it.
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383. Okay, well, thank you for—
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384. Maybe that is a bad superhero movie.
Not aspirational enough, I don't know.
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385. But it's real. And it's different.
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386. Also, in my version, she's gay. Okay, bye!
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387. You're not bad for a beginner.
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388. Wrong on both counts.
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389. I'm no beginner. And I'm very bad.
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390. - Whoa!
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391. Ow! What the hell?
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392. - Cut! Is everyone okay?
- I don't know. Do I have a concussion?
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393. - You fell like a foot.
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394. - Why did you drop me?
- Why'd you scream at me?
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395. - Hey, guys—
- I didn't know he was gonna dip me.
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396. - That's not what we rehearsed!
- You said to have fun with it.
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397. I meant fun energy.
I didn't mean change the choreography.
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398. I can't do this. I am number one
on the call sheet...
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399. - ... and all I ask for is a modicum
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400. - Breaking news! She's number one!
- of respect and professionalism.
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401. Okay, let's everybody cool down.
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402. Do not tell me to cool down
like I'm the crazy person here.
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403. I'm just trying to have
a safe workplace environ—
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404. I had you.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
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405. - I'm... I'm going home.
- Gina, we need to get this sequence,
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406. - and we are already behind.
- Not my problem.
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407. I get that you're mad, and you're
totally right, but everybody else here—
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408. Not my problem.
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409. You got that dip, though, right?
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410. Okay. Trey and I will be in the coatroom,
doing hand stuff.
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411. - Otherwise, you don't know anybody here.
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412. - Hey!
- Sorry.
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413. - Oh! What do you see?
- What?
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414. You're having an anxiety attack, so look
around the room and tell me what you see.
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415. I-I see people partying and passing out!
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416. What else do you see?
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417. Um, books. Pizza boxes.
I see light fixtures.
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418. I see an odd amount of floor poofs.
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419. - Okay, now say your name.
- Hollyhock.
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420. - Last name too.
- No, we'll be here all night.
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421. - You feel any calmer?
- Yeah, actually. A little bit.
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422. It's a trick my psychiatrist taught me.
It's supposed to help you ground yourself.
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423. - Thanks.
- Except for the saying your name part.
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424. That's not really part of it.
I just wanted to know your name.
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425. Oh. Okay, cool.
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426. I-I'm Peter, by the way.
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427. Just so you don't have to wait for me
to have an anxiety attack too.
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428. - Hollyhock.
- Yeah, I know.
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429. Oh. Right.
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430. So, this party's kind of crowded.
You wanna go get some air?
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431. Yeah. But it's pretty cold out.
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432. - Oh, yeah, that's true.
- But we're wearing jackets!
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433. Also true.
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434. Darling, you must keep the cake cold
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435. and the flowers fresh
for just a moment longer.
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436. This story has revealed itself
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437. to be thornier than a rose bush
and just as sweet.
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438. When shall I return?
Well, I haven't sorted that out yet.
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439. It seems I've gone
to New Mexico for a spell.
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440. - Whoa!
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441. Well, we're here.
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442. So I wanted to talk to you because
I'm directing a new movie: "Fireflame"!
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443. "Fireflame"? Get that money.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom!
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444. Yeah. So I need an actress.
Someone tough, but vulnerable.
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445. I know you're working with Gina Cazador.
What do you think of her?
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446. Look, if you've seen her work,
you know what she can do.
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447. She's very versatile. Really talented.
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448. But personality-wise, what's she like?
Is she good to work with?
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449. I can't risk any drama on set.
There's too much riding on this for me.
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450. If I'm being honest,
I can't recommend her.
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451. - No?
- Especially if you have a lot of stunts.
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452. I mean, don't get me wrong,
she's great on camera. She just...
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453. - Uh... She can be a little difficult.
- What do you mean?
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454. I don't know what happened.
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455. I worked with her a couple years ago,
she was great, but, um...
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456. Oh, you know who'd be perfect?
Courtney Portnoy!
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457. Oh! I love her.
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458. I've heard nothing but good things.
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459. It's fine.
You're not even supposed to like it yet.
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460. It tastes okay-er over time.
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461. Yeah, I'm kind of aspiring to be okay-er
over time myself.
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462. You know, I actually didn't even drink
for like all of college.
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463. I had some shit go down
in high school, and...
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464. You know, there was this girl in my town.
Anyway, it's a long story.
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465. No, I wanna hear it.
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466. Okay. She had this man
living in her house.
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467. You mean like more than one dad?
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468. No, no, she had just the one dad,
but then there was this other guy.
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469. - Weird.
- Totally weird, right?
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470. Okay. So this girl was best friends
with my girlfriend.
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471. We all went to prom together:
me, my girlfriend, the girl, and the man.
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472. Wait, the man went to prom with you?
Yeesh.
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473. That's not even the yeesh-iest part.
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474. This guy bought us bourbon
and practically forced us to drink it,
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475. and then when my girlfriend
got alcohol poisoning,
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476. he just ditched us at the ER.
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477. Was your girlfriend okay?
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478. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it was scary in the moment.
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479. We were there all night
and they pumped her stomach.
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480. And I was pretty traumatized for a while.
But things are good now.
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481. Things are good. Because at some point,
I realized it wasn't the alcohol's fault,
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482. or Maddy's fault, or my fault.
It was just some shitty dude, you know?
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483. Totally.
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484. But you know the craziest part of all?
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485. The guy, he's actually kind of famous.
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486. - Really?
- Yeah, I never heard of him,
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487. but it turns out
he's kind of a movie star.
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488. Who is he?
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489. Um...
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490. Who is he?
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