1. In my line of work,
I meet a lot of big names.Copy !req
2. I'm talking the sexiest guys of the '90s:
Nick Nolte. Mickey Rourke...Copy !req
3. Literally, here we are in the '90s,Copy !req
4. and these are the guys
we think are sexy, right?Copy !req
5. And my daughter couldn't care less.Copy !req
6. But when I told her
I was meeting BoJack Horseman...Copy !req
7. Do me a favor. Make her day.Copy !req
8. Me? I didn't ask for this gig.Copy !req
9. Angela Diaz,
head of the network, calls me,Copy !req
10. working schmuck, Danny Bananas,Copy !req
11. and says, "Danny, Herb Kazzaz is leavin',
and I want you to run Horsin' Around.Copy !req
12. So, here's me, thinking,
"What an opportunityCopy !req
13. to write for the most finely-calibrated
ensemble cast on television!"Copy !req
14. It's like a bowling alley
with you people.Copy !req
15. Setting up pins and knocking them down.
I should be so lucky.Copy !req
16. - Uh.
- I know it's no secretCopy !req
17. that you and Herb had some friction,Copy !req
18. and he left the show
under not-great circumstances.Copy !req
19. Now I'm coming at this from a place of...Copy !req
20. this is your house,
and I'm a guest, all right?Copy !req
21. The magic of Horsin' Around
is not Herb Kazzaz or Danny Bananas.Copy !req
22. I know why people buy the Big Mac.
I'm not here to change the recipe.Copy !req
23. You're the special sauce, BoJack.Copy !req
24. Me? I just wanna be the bun.Copy !req
25. And not even the top or the bottom bun.
I'm fine being the middle bun.Copy !req
26. - You already told me this story.
- I did?Copy !req
27. Yeah. Danny. Sharona. The buns.
We've been over it.Copy !req
28. - Well, did I tell you about Gina?
- Yes.Copy !req
29. - And Sarah Lynn?
- Multiple times. Yes.Copy !req
30. - What about the time I sneezed on Marisa?
- You've told me everything.Copy !req
31. You told me about that dream
where you go to a dinner party.Copy !req
32. I even went down
that strange detour with youCopy !req
33. about the three-nippled woman in
the nudie magazine your uncle showed you.Copy !req
34. - Who was she?
- I think we're done here.Copy !req
35. - What do you mean, done?
- Well, you've been here six months.Copy !req
36. It's time to go home.Copy !req
37. Oh, sorry. Uh, not this way.Copy !req
38. My boss is gonna kill meCopy !req
39. if I don't deliver these flowers
to his mistress.Copy !req
40. Well, we're filming
an episode of Birthday Dad,Copy !req
41. and my boss is gonna kill me
if I let anyone through.Copy !req
42. Great, when they discover my remains
scattered in the bramble of Griffith Park,Copy !req
43. my loved ones will take solace
knowing I diedCopy !req
44. so they could shoot an episode
of Birthday Dad.Copy !req
45. I'm sorry. It's a really good show!Copy !req
46. I know I couldn't always be there for you,
birthday-wise, but I'd like to be.Copy !req
47. I'd like to be your Birthday Dad.Copy !req
48. You really don't get it, do you?
This is the real world, okay?Copy !req
49. And I'm a career gal.
I don't have time for birthdays.Copy !req
50. But what about the birthday spirit?Copy !req
51. Everyone knows there's no such thing.
This is the real world.Copy !req
52. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to drink my coffee.Copy !req
53. - Cut. Let's move on.Copy !req
54. Great take, Melodie. Chills.Copy !req
55. Are we Glenn Close,
Jeff Goldblum, Kevin Kline,Copy !req
56. and all of the greatest Motown singles
collected on one...Copy !req
57. - "Big Chills."
- Hot herbal tea?Copy !req
58. - Yes, that would be— Ooh!
- Ha!Copy !req
59. - Oops.
- Got me again, Audrey.Copy !req
60. Donna, we're gonna need another scarf.Copy !req
61. Am I crazy, or has the crew turned on you?Copy !req
62. No, what they're turned onto
is hating me...Copy !req
63. on account of I cheated on Pickles.Copy !req
64. Ever since the story went viral,Copy !req
65. the public has really mashed
the thumbs down on old Peanurino.Copy !req
66. - Especially young women.
- Oh, no!Copy !req
67. "Especially young women"
is one of our show's eight target demos.Copy !req
68. We gotta juice your Q!Copy !req
69. Right now, the only juice
I'm interested in is Pickles' juiceCopy !req
70. and making things kosher between us,
which is a task I relish.Copy !req
71. - So, you wanna have sex with me?
- Yes.Copy !req
72. And your fiancé
is gonna be in there watching, or...Copy !req
73. Oh, no. Sorry for the misunderstanding.Copy !req
74. This is not a fetish-based
cuckolding scenario.Copy !req
75. He had sex with his ex, so to level
the playing field now, we have to boink,Copy !req
76. so Mister and I can be even
and everything can go back to normal.Copy !req
77. You understand?Copy !req
78. Not really,
but I get to have sex with you?Copy !req
79. - Yeah.
- Correct.Copy !req
80. Then, cool. I'm in.Copy !req
81. - But what about your reputation?
- I'm not too worried about it.Copy !req
82. I feel like people
generally want to like me.Copy !req
83. And if I just don't do anything,
eventually, the universe will realignCopy !req
84. and the public will go back
to loving me again.Copy !req
85. - Ugh.Copy !req
86. - Mm, thanks for making breakfast.
- Thanks for calling it breakfast.Copy !req
87. Not everyone appreciates
the subtle art of the crispy oatmeal.Copy !req
88. - Are you starting your memoir today?
- That was the plan.Copy !req
89. But I got these dishes now.
That'll take all morning.Copy !req
90. And once the morning's over,
basically the whole day is shot, you know?Copy !req
91. Better to start clean tomorrow.Copy !req
92. Look, I know it's hard
to start a new thing,Copy !req
93. but the hardest part is starting.Copy !req
94. You're right.Copy !req
95. Also, I'm a freelance cameraman
who pays child support,Copy !req
96. so I'd encourage you to get an advance.Copy !req
97. Hmm.Copy !req
98. Hey, uh, guys? Uh, excuse me, everyone?Copy !req
99. I just wanted to raise
a non-alcoholic toast to Denise.Copy !req
100. - Ha-ha!Copy !req
101. Ow! My gluten intolerance!Copy !req
102. We've all been through so much together,
and it's never easy to say goodbye.Copy !req
103. - Remember when Doug left?
- Hmm?Copy !req
104. - Or Jameson?Copy !req
105. Or sweet, sweet Bongo?Copy !req
106. - Sorry, who are we talking about?
- To Denise!Copy !req
107. Denise!Copy !req
108. I didn't realize
we're the last of our original group.Copy !req
109. - God, we had some good times, huh?
- I mean, no, mostly.Copy !req
110. - Yeah. But you're ready, right?
- Ready or not, here I go.Copy !req
111. Yeah, you're ready.Copy !req
112. Have you given any thought
to what we discussed yesterday?Copy !req
113. About you transitioning to a version
of yourself that is no longer here?Copy !req
114. I don't know.
Things are kinda working for me.Copy !req
115. Staying out of trouble,
got the fancy room,Copy !req
116. finally perfected
my egg-white omelet order.Copy !req
117. The secret is egg yellows.
I might do another six weeks.Copy !req
118. You've already re-upped
three times.Copy !req
119. This place is for people in crisis.Copy !req
120. In crisis of being too cool, maybe.
Right, Karmen?Copy !req
121. - I-If I say yes, I can see my baby?
- Karmen, no.Copy !req
122. You sold your baby to a den of leeches
to pay for crack.Copy !req
123. - The leeches have your baby now.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
124. Ah. Classic Karm.Copy !req
125. It's natural to be hesitant.Copy !req
126. When I first checked out of rehab,
I was terrified.Copy !req
127. I knew a single drop of alcohol
would send me down a ruinous path.Copy !req
128. - But I found my way.
- Found your way back to rehab.Copy !req
129. - Ah, I'll miss our little comedy routines.
- "Our"?Copy !req
130. A lot of people leave this place,Copy !req
131. and I think, "They're not gonna make it."
Like Denise, for example.Copy !req
132. But you?
You've done the work, and you're ready.Copy !req
133. You're a special case, BoJack.Copy !req
134. - I am?
- Of course you are.Copy !req
135. Huh.Copy !req
136. Oh, boy,
did he do a number on you.Copy !req
137. He was actually very nice.
You know, I want things to be easy on set.Copy !req
138. And I think Danny
represents a fresh start.Copy !req
139. - Is that why you got Herb fired?
- Hey, I'm not the one who—Copy !req
140. I can't do your hair
if you're gonna move your head so much.Copy !req
141. There was nothing I could do about Herb.Copy !req
142. If it wasn't for me,
they would've canceled the whole show.Copy !req
143. And then where would you go?Copy !req
144. Who's gonna hire
a hair-and-makeup lady with shaky hands?Copy !req
145. - My hands only shake when I don't drink.
- Be sure to put that on your résumé.Copy !req
146. You're just bitter because I'm the only
person who can drink as much as you do.Copy !req
147. - Ruthie!Copy !req
148. - Here comes the airplane...Copy !req
149. - Oh, a kerfuffle!Copy !req
150. Hey! What's going on out there?Copy !req
151. An ice cream truck
crashed into the root beer factory!Copy !req
152. Oh, sounds like a delicious disaster.Copy !req
153. - Five people are dead!
- Oh, no!Copy !req
154. And there's worse to come,Copy !req
155. unless somebody can slurp up
all that ice cream!Copy !req
156. Oh, I'd love to help slurp,
but I just started a new nannying job.Copy !req
157. I don't care!Copy !req
158. Hmm...Copy !req
159. Wow, BoJack leaving rehab.Copy !req
160. - Truly the end of an era.Copy !req
161. Sobby Bobby.
Gonna miss your excessive crying.Copy !req
162. Can't believe it.Copy !req
163. Last time I'm gonna stop
at this vending machine.Copy !req
164. What do you say, B-7?
One more hike down Funyun Canyon?Copy !req
165. Whew.Copy !req
166. Oh, wow. Hello, the public.Copy !req
167. Didn't think I'd have to address this
so quickly, but I am not ashamed.Copy !req
168. - Yes, I, BoJack Horseman, went to rehab—
- Uh, keep it moving.Copy !req
169. We wanna get a clean shotCopy !req
170. for when Gen Z pop superstar/fashion
disrupter Joey Pogo shows up.Copy !req
171. - Joey Pogo?
- Yeah, he's checking in today.Copy !req
172. - We heard he's gettin' the fancy room.
- Fancy room?Copy !req
173. He's gettin' the fancy room.Copy !req
174. - It's time to go home.
- What?Copy !req
175. Ready or not.Copy !req
176. I got the fancy room.Copy !req
177. He's gettin' the fancy room.Copy !req
178. You're a special case, BoJack.Copy !req
179. Stay cool, man. Have a good summer.Copy !req
180. What does it all mean?Copy !req
181. Sounds like they're kicking you out
to make room for Joey Pogo.Copy !req
182. Huh?Copy !req
183. Sounds like they're kicking you out
to make room for Joey Pogo.Copy !req
184. Oh, my God.Copy !req
185. I think they're kicking me out
to make room for Joey Pogo.Copy !req
186. I just feel like if I knew
the source of my addiction,Copy !req
187. everything else would just click together.Copy !req
188. - Playtime's over.
- BoJack!Copy !req
189. - What the hell? This is my time.
- Shut up, Brad.Copy !req
190. The source of your addictionCopy !req
191. is wanting to impress your old babysitter
who stole beer from your parents' fridge.Copy !req
192. She's dead. You're free.Copy !req
193. No, that's not...Copy !req
194. Oh. Oh...Copy !req
195. I thought you were checking out.Copy !req
196. - Oh, you would love that, wouldn't you?
- Yes. I've been very clear on that matter.Copy !req
197. Well, check this out.Copy !req
198. BoHo go bye... BoHo go bye-bye for...Copy !req
199. What is he doing?Copy !req
200. I think he's trying to get out a zinger.
We better let him finish.Copy !req
201. You have to imagine that I just said it.Copy !req
202. It's only funny
if it feels extemporaneous.Copy !req
203. Don't waste your breath setting it up,
just say the thing.Copy !req
204. - Why don't you start over?
- Check this out.Copy !req
205. BoHo go bye-bye for JoJo Pogo?Copy !req
206. That's a no-go, bro.Copy !req
207. Worth it.Copy !req
208. I'm sorry. Please, go around.Copy !req
209. I worked on it all night.
The thing that's gonna save your career.Copy !req
210. Ha!Copy !req
211. - What is it?
- It's a meme! For posting online!Copy !req
212. Teacher gave you too much homework?
"Sad Dog!"Copy !req
213. Your favorite sports outfit
lost the match? "Sad Dog!"Copy !req
214. People are gonna love it.
And that love will transfer to you.Copy !req
215. But I'm not a sad dog.
I'm a happy dog. Everyone knows that.Copy !req
216. - So, it needs some massaging.Copy !req
217. Hold on, I gotta take this.Copy !req
218. Conversation over? "Sad Dog!"
See how easy it is?Copy !req
219. - Pickles! How was your date with Carl?Copy !req
220. I don't know, Mister.Copy !req
221. The sex was good, like, really good,
but I didn't feel an emotional connection.Copy !req
222. Don't beat yourself up about that.
You just met the guy.Copy !req
223. But part of the betrayal
of you sleeping with DianeCopy !req
224. is the fact that you share
an intimate history.Copy !req
225. If we're really trying to even things out,
I don't think Carl counts.Copy !req
226. Okay, well, then I guess you'll just have
to keep having sex with peopleCopy !req
227. until you find someone with whom you have
an emotional connection.Copy !req
228. That might be a lot of guys,Copy !req
229. but if that's what it's gonna take
to save our marriage,Copy !req
230. I will keep riding the express train
to bone-town until that happens.Copy !req
231. That's my girl.Copy !req
232. - Oh! Thank you.Copy !req
233. - Hello?Copy !req
234. Hey, it's Diane.Copy !req
235. Oh, yes, I thought I heard
retired dads in the distance,Copy !req
236. praising the '95 Chicago Bulls.Copy !req
237. Maybe you could give me some advice.
I'm writing a new book,Copy !req
238. but I shouldn't even get started
until I sell it to a publisher, right?Copy !req
239. - What is it?
- I'm still in the loose idea phase.Copy !req
240. Half essay, half memoir.Copy !req
241. The working title isCopy !req
242. One Last Thing, and Then I Swear to God
I'll Shut Up About This Forever:Copy !req
243. A Definitive Retrospective
of the Choices We Make,Copy !req
244. People We Hurt,
The Places We Go: Part One.Copy !req
245. Wait, how is it part one if it's
definitive? I'm getting another call.Copy !req
246. - Hello?Copy !req
247. Hi, while you were blabbering on,Copy !req
248. I had our lit assistant
take care of everything.Copy !req
249. A navel-gazey book of observations.
Sounds fun.Copy !req
250. - No, I—
- I sold it. You have six months.Copy !req
251. Enjoy the process.Copy !req
252. Oh.Copy !req
253. Wha...Copy !req
254. What happened?
You're packing your things backwards.Copy !req
255. What happened is you said I was special.Copy !req
256. You gave a whole spiel
just trying to get rid of meCopy !req
257. to make room
for a high-profile new client.Copy !req
258. I thought we'd made strides
on your jealousy issues.Copy !req
259. And also, it's pronounced "shpeel."Copy !req
260. I'm not jealous! And I've definitely
seen it written out as "spiel."Copy !req
261. I think it's spelled "spiel,"
but it's pronounced "shpeel."Copy !req
262. Not now, Joey Pogo.Copy !req
263. I'm sorry, am I interrupting?
I was told I was in the fancy room?Copy !req
264. We're moving some things around.
Uh, maybe you could come back tomorrow?Copy !req
265. Oh, tomorrow is jammed.Copy !req
266. I'm shootin' a video
for my new single, "Lace Up,"Copy !req
267. which is spon-con
for my sneaker collab with Mister Pibb.Copy !req
268. - Could we just do it now, real quick?
- You wanna do rehab real quick?Copy !req
269. Life is precious. God is religious,
or merely the idea of human connection.Copy !req
270. Don't do drugs. Say you're sorry.Copy !req
271. Powerful stuff.
Feels like I just got a new lease on life.Copy !req
272. Stay cool, bro. Don't ever change.Copy !req
273. That's the problem. When you say it
in here, it all sounds easy.Copy !req
274. But I know that out there,
it's hard and confusing.Copy !req
275. - And it's just— I-I don't...
- But you're not alone.Copy !req
276. You have a wonderful support system.Copy !req
277. Think of all your amazing friends
just waiting to love you as you love them.Copy !req
278. Todd's phone. What if Todd was one of us?Copy !req
279. Um, okay. Is Todd there?Copy !req
280. - Please hold for the next available Todd.Copy !req
281. Okay.Copy !req
282. - Hey, buddy.
- Hey, listen, I'm...Copy !req
283. You're probably wondering about Georgette,Copy !req
284. - the newest member of Team Chavez.
- Nope.Copy !req
285. Since I've started
taking care of Ruthie full-time,Copy !req
286. that hasn't given me a lot of time
for regular Todd business,Copy !req
287. and stuff's been falling
through the cracks.Copy !req
288. So, you hired an assistant?Copy !req
289. Well, yes, but assistants
are like Deadpool movies.Copy !req
290. I couldn't just stop at one,
even though I probably should have.Copy !req
291. Now I have 12.Copy !req
292. You hired 12 assistants? To assist you?Copy !req
293. Yep, I've got Bella
trying out new goofy dances,Copy !req
294. Pedro's monitoring
all the Five Guys franchisesCopy !req
295. to make sure each one
has the right number of guys,Copy !req
296. - and Silvia's in charge of checking...Copy !req
297. - ... All About That Ace every 15 minutes.
- What is "All About That Ace?"Copy !req
298. My asexual dating app.
I think I might be the only one on it.Copy !req
299. - But another ace could join any day now.Copy !req
300. And when that happens, two of a kind.Copy !req
301. Well, I guess that makes about
as much sense as the rest of it.Copy !req
302. Listen, um, I might be getting out
of rehab soon...Copy !req
303. BoJack, that's fantastic!Copy !req
304. and I wanted to talk to you
because I, uh...Copy !req
305. can't do this by myself.Copy !req
306. Hey, I got you, buddy.
You just wait one jiffy.Copy !req
307. - Hi.
- Ah!Copy !req
308. I'm Casey, the assistant.
Todd hired me to be your friend.Copy !req
309. Okay, that's, uh, you know...
I think I'm good. Thank you.Copy !req
310. He said I would be perfect for you
because you could be mean to meCopy !req
311. and you wouldn't feel bad,
because you're paying me.Copy !req
312. Okay, well, that's kind of thoughtful.Copy !req
313. I'm a very good assistant, and I can be
very discreet, whatever you need.Copy !req
314. Marc Cherry used to dress me
in the outfit Natalie Wood drowned inCopy !req
315. and scream at me for hours on end.Copy !req
316. It was very therapeutic for him,
and I didn't mindCopy !req
317. because he wasn't screaming at me,
he was screaming at death.Copy !req
318. Stars really are just like us, huh?Copy !req
319. - Do you mind if I have a sip?
- Don't drink that!Copy !req
320. Right, of course.
I must earn hydration. So sorry.Copy !req
321. No, it's just... that's vodka.Copy !req
322. You think it's a good idea
to keep a bottle of vodka in rehab?Copy !req
323. Because it is if you think it is.Copy !req
324. It's not for drinking.Copy !req
325. I just, I... I don't know why I keep it.
As a reminder, I guess.Copy !req
326. Of what?Copy !req
327. Sarah Lynn?Copy !req
328. Sarah Lynn?Copy !req
329. Sarah Lynn!Copy !req
330. - What?
- Are you almost done?Copy !req
331. I need Sharona to work that magic
on her mane man.Copy !req
332. Yeah, I'll get to you in a minute.
Cool your jets.Copy !req
333. Why can't you do this
in Sarah Lynn's dressing room?Copy !req
334. My stepdad's in there,
and he's being weird.Copy !req
335. - Why is that my problem?
- We appreciate your hospitality.Copy !req
336. Hey, BoJack,
what do you think of the new guy?Copy !req
337. Danny? Yeah, he's okay. Right?Copy !req
338. - I miss Herb.
- We all do, sweetie.Copy !req
339. Herb. Danny. What difference does it make?
We got a job to do, right?Copy !req
340. I'm just saying I miss him.Copy !req
341. And I'm just saying
it's not my fault he got fired.Copy !req
342. - I dunno why you're complaining to me.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
343. Nobody said it was your fault.Copy !req
344. I actually think
Danny represents an opportunity.Copy !req
345. For a new beginning.Copy !req
346. You don't think it feels weird
to do the show without Herb?Copy !req
347. If Herb really cared about the show,
maybe he shouldn't have...Copy !req
348. What? Been gay?Copy !req
349. No, that's not— Obviously...Copy !req
350. - I put my ass on the line for you people.
- Ugh. BoJack.Copy !req
351. Do you know how lucky we are to have this?
Herb was gonna throw that all away.Copy !req
352. I made the tough choice. What did you do?Copy !req
353. - I... I don't know.
- BoJack, she's ten!Copy !req
354. Yeah, which is basically an adult
in Hollywood years.Copy !req
355. I'm trying to make this situation work.
Enjoy my dressing room.Copy !req
356. Hey, I know you feel shitty,
but don't take it out on a little girl.Copy !req
357. I don't feel shitty,
I feel great!Copy !req
358. Okay. You know why this is here, Casey?Copy !req
359. It's because I think I'm special
and the rules don't apply to me.Copy !req
360. And I keep thinking that
over and over again.Copy !req
361. - Well, you are special.
- No, shut up.Copy !req
362. - That's the problem. I'm an asshole.Copy !req
363. All your bosses are assholes.
And people like you indulge us.Copy !req
364. And you soothe our egos,
and you let us abuse you.Copy !req
365. - You're right, I'm terrible.
- No, God damn it. That's not my point.Copy !req
366. Have some respect for yourself.Copy !req
367. Okay, sorry.
I'm just happy to be a part of things.Copy !req
368. Yeah, and that's how they get you.Copy !req
369. I'm sorry. It's not your fault.Copy !req
370. Can you run downstairs
and grab me some Funyuns?Copy !req
371. - Mm... No.
- What do you mean, no?Copy !req
372. Huh.Copy !req
373. I don't know. I'm not going to do that.Copy !req
374. - Uh, what's happening?
- There's an "I" in "assistants."Copy !req
375. And this time, the "I" is us.Copy !req
376. I like your energy, but what?Copy !req
377. And lo and behold,
my sandwich has onions...Copy !req
378. when I specifically meant
to tell you I didn't want onions.Copy !req
379. Where are you going?Copy !req
380. - So, this lawyer's got attitude.Copy !req
381. And that attitude? Autism.Copy !req
382. I don't understand,
why is this person moving now?Copy !req
383. Wait! What's goin' on?Copy !req
384. The Hollywoo Assistants are unionizing.
This is a walk-out.Copy !req
385. No! I've grown too dependent on you!Copy !req
386. I can't perform
basic Todd functions anymore!Copy !req
387. I'm like a toddler, but a Todd version.
A Toddler!Copy !req
388. I know you got a job to do,
but is there any way...Copy !req
389. - ... Joey Pogo could get through?Copy !req
390. Just got out of rehab.
I'm trying to get home.Copy !req
391. - Knock yourself out.
- All right!Copy !req
392. Don't die on me, Ileanna.
Not on your birthday, of all days!Copy !req
393. Year after year,
the only thing I wished for was a dad.Copy !req
394. And now you're here,
and it's like...Copy !req
395. paging Dr. Birthday!Copy !req
396. But if you just told me your wish,
that means it won't come true!Copy !req
397. You really don't get it, do you?
It already has.Copy !req
398. I love you, Birthday Eric.Copy !req
399. No. Birthday Dad.Copy !req
400. - And cut.Copy !req
401. Wow, Melodie.Copy !req
402. Are you Janet Gaynor, Judy Garland,
Barbra Streisand, Lady Ga—Copy !req
403. Drop dead.Copy !req
404. Star is Born.Copy !req
405. - Huh?Copy !req
406. - Whoa!Copy !req
407. Ah! Buddy, what the hell are you doing?
Get out of the way!Copy !req
408. - Uh...
- I saw the whole thing.Copy !req
409. Mr. Peanutbutter said, "I'm a sad dog,"
and jumped right in front of the car.Copy !req
410. I think he's a really sad dog, you guys.
You know, like the meme.Copy !req
411. - Oh, my God, I had no idea.Copy !req
412. Mr. Peanutbutter, life is precious.
That's something you hear a lot in rehab.Copy !req
413. Hey, why'd you try to kill yourself,
you stupid idiot?Copy !req
414. - Um...
- I'm no psychiatrist,Copy !req
415. but it's probably because
he's such a sad dog!Copy !req
416. Mr. Peanutbutter,Copy !req
417. we didn't realize
you have a mental illness.Copy !req
418. Thank you for getting the word out
about depression.Copy !req
419. You are truly a hero for destigmatizing
this all-too-common affliction.Copy !req
420. Yes, a hero!Copy !req
421. And to see more of this hero in action,Copy !req
422. tune in to Birthday Dad this spring
on MBN!Copy !req
423. Uh-huh.Copy !req
424. Mr. Peanutbutter, I think I sing
for everyone when I say...Copy !req
425. Oh, so I guess this all worked out.Copy !req
426. - Huh?
- Oh.Copy !req
427. - Depressingly, that is.Copy !req
428. I saw your new assistant leave.
Why aren't you packed?Copy !req
429. I can't. Please don't make me.Copy !req
430. - You don't know what I'm like out there.
- Let's find out.Copy !req
431. - Hey, that's—
- I won't coddle this anymore.Copy !req
432. You're scared? Good.
Go to AA meetings. Go to a psychiatrist.Copy !req
433. But what pisses me offCopy !req
434. is when you take a bed that someone else
could be using to get better.Copy !req
435. Isn't it possible
I'm one of those peopleCopy !req
436. that would benefit
from staying here indefinitely?Copy !req
437. No. You're not that special.Copy !req
438. And you don't belong here anymore.
Pack your things.Copy !req
439. Don't belong here, huh?Copy !req
440. God, what am I doing?Copy !req
441. No! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.Copy !req
442. Nobody drink any water!Copy !req
443. Ooh.Copy !req
444. Wow, look at you go.Copy !req
445. - You can't look at it yet!
- Okay, okay!Copy !req
446. Sorry. I was just kind of in it, you know?Copy !req
447. Yeah? It's going good?Copy !req
448. Yeah, you were right.
Once I got started, it was easy.Copy !req
449. So much of my career has been
writing for and about other people,Copy !req
450. and how terrible everything is.Copy !req
451. It's actually really refreshing
to just focus on myself, you know?Copy !req
452. Well, I don't want to interrupt your flow.
Please, write on.Copy !req
453. Oh, this is a fine
how do you do.Copy !req
454. Brad was like, "It's difficult to have
a hot name but not be that hot."Copy !req
455. Can you believe that?
He's extremely attractive, no?Copy !req
456. - I don't...
- And honestly, is Brad a hot name?Copy !req
457. - Brad Pitt, yes.
- Ugh.Copy !req
458. But like, name one other handsome Brad.Copy !req
459. - Bradley Cooper.
- Damn it!Copy !req
460. Doctor Champ, I am so sorry.
That was vodka you drank, not water.Copy !req
461. Uh, duh!Copy !req
462. Shh! Shut up.
If anyone hears you, there's gonna be...Copy !req
463. I forgot how fun this is.Copy !req
464. - Just settle down, okay?
- Ah!Copy !req
465. You're gonna spend the night here
and sober up.Copy !req
466. Oh, so it's easy to be sober
all of sudden.Copy !req
467. Look who thinks
it's easy sober, hmm?Copy !req
468. Shh! Doctor Champ!Copy !req
469. It's so easy. Everything, very easy.Copy !req
470. - Hey, Horse.Copy !req
471. Bad news about the Manzanita lawsuit.
You think he'll settle?Copy !req
472. Settle? Manzanita?Copy !req
473. I'd say that's about as likely
as my daughter Sabrina skipping schoolCopy !req
474. and sneaking into the office with me
in my work luggage!Copy !req
475. - Uh...
- Uh...Copy !req
476. - Cut!Copy !req
477. Listen, you're doing great.
Slight change of plans, though.Copy !req
478. Sarah Lynn had to go home early.
So, we need to change the episodeCopy !req
479. to being about you
not bringing Sabrina to the office.Copy !req
480. Is she okay?Copy !req
481. Uh, only reason I'm telling you this
is you're my main guy here,Copy !req
482. and I know you want
what's best for everyone.Copy !req
483. - Of course.
- Sarah Lynn got her hands on some alcohol.Copy !req
484. - Oh, my God.
- Her mother is apoplectic.Copy !req
485. She wants to sue.Copy !req
486. I think it's just big talk,
but someone needs to be held accountable.Copy !req
487. And as the guys in charge here,Copy !req
488. we're responsible
for figuring out who that's gonna be.Copy !req
489. - What are you...
- I need you to be straight with me.Copy !req
490. - That wasn't your alcohol, right?
- Oh, I don't...Copy !req
491. It wasn't, right?Copy !req
492. Because if it was,
we're all in real trouble.Copy !req
493. - You get what I'm saying.
- Y-Yeah.Copy !req
494. So, you don't know
where she got the alcohol from?Copy !req
495. Yeah. I have no idea.Copy !req
496. Okay. But someone's gotta answer for this.Copy !req
497. Well, don't look at me.Copy !req
498. Hmm...Copy !req
499. - What?
- Nothing. Just a little uneven, is all.Copy !req
500. Oh. I'm screwed. I'm so screwed.Copy !req
501. - It's gonna be okay.
- No!Copy !req
502. I'm drunk. Not okay.
You can't let anyone know about this.Copy !req
503. - Shush!
- Yeah. Shh.Copy !req
504. You gotta stay with me until I sober up.
I can't be alone here like this.Copy !req
505. It's okay, I'm here.Copy !req
506. Yeah, be here.
You need to stay here, BoJack.Copy !req
507. Please. Stay.Copy !req