1. Watch out!
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2. - Lift with your legs.
- I am lifting with my legs.
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3. - Also lift with your arms.
- Is Horse Professor okay?
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4. Nothing to see here!
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5. He just passed out from pride!
Because you kids are so talented!
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6. You think he passed out
from embarrassment?
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7. - Because the kids are not talented.
- What happened?
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8. He was getting off a phone call.
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9. I had some constructive criticism
about his play.
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10. I tried a compliment sandwich
by starting with some praise,
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11. but he passed out!
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12. Just goes to show,
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13. you never know how much time you have
with someone,
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14. so you should always say
the bad stuff first.
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15. BoJack! Your play sucked!
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16. They found out. I didn't...
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17. - It's not true.
- What's not true?
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18. I need to... Air.
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19. No. They can't know.
I didn't even do anything.
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20. - It's...
- Slow down.
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21. Why don't you tell us what happened?
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22. Okay, I'll tell you.
But you can't talk to anyone.
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23. No reporters.
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24. BoJack, it's okay.
No one's gonna talk to any...
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25. Reporters? With questions about
my good friend, BoJack Horseman?
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26. I'd be delighted to talk!
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27. Oh, Baxter,
my endlessly encouraging enfianced.
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28. I'm thrilled to report our return
from a prolonged New Mexican exodus.
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29. True, Max and I shared lodging
to husband our expenditures,
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30. and true, too, we showered together
one night when the tank broke down
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31. and the hot water was scarce,
but other than those mild inconveniences,
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32. the fact-finding mission went as fine
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33. as the print at the bottom
of a contract,
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34. and we're close as ever
to sewing things up.
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35. So, BoJack sold the restaurant
to Joey Pogo and me,
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36. and we relaunched it with
my fiancée Pickles as a themed eatery.
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37. What is the theme?
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38. Pickles wanted small plates,
Joey wanted lazy Susans,
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39. and I wanted the theme to be my face
is on the front of the menu.
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40. So, we did all three!
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41. - What's the big idea?
- I'm in the middle of eating!
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42. Huh? It's the perfect compromise
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43. because everybody got what they wanted,
and nobody had to compromise!
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44. - And why is it called Ele-fee-no?
- Ele-fi-no.
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45. Well, if you don't know, hell if I know!
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46. I know this last story
is taking its sweet time,
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47. but once we can tie down
this Bo-Person Horse-fellow to Sarah Lynn
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48. on the night of her death,
we'll know he procured the final blow,
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49. the blow being not blow but horse,
a scoop in itself,
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50. but I believe the larger story is...
Oh, but here I am bending your ear.
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51. Your everlasting patience inspires me.
Do return my call. This is Paige Sinclair.
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52. - And then I took the boat back to LA.
- That's it? How's that a story?
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53. You did nothing illegal, and even
the not illegal thing, you didn't even do.
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54. And yet this thing continues
to haunt me, I...
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55. - Because it's not about the legality.
- Diane's right.
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56. That story is super sketchy.
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57. Is BoJack super sketchy? Yes, he is!
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58. Can Horse Professor come out?
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59. We won't go to the cast party
unless our fearless teacher comes with us!
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60. Why don't you just have the party here
and he'll pop out when he's ready.
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61. Here's some cash.
Go buy some nice cast party things.
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62. This is gonna be
the best night ever!
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63. Okay, okay, you're right.
I've been sketchy.
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64. But there's no story here. Right?
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65. - Unless New Mexico isn't the story.
- Uh, what?
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66. I'm just saying, if I tried to pitch
that story, no one would publish it.
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67. They're working on something bigger.
What did you do this time?
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68. I haven't done anything.
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69. Since I got out of rehab
I have been on my best behavior.
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70. But before rehab...
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71. No. They can't get me on old shit.
I'm a different person now.
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72. - This could be anything.
- Or a combination of things.
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73. They're gonna combo me?
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74. Let's take a beat
and figure out what this story is.
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75. - Todd, earmuffs.
- On it.
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76. BoJack, tell us every bad thing
you ever did.
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77. This is gonna be a long night.
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78. So, what can I tell you about BoJack?
Nothing bad, though.
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79. It's gonna be a short night!
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80. - Right. I... Your chair, Miss Sinclair.
- Thanks, Mr. Banks.
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81. And thank you, Mr. Peanutbutter,
for taking the time to quench our queries.
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82. This shouldn't take more than
a half hour, max.
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83. - Yes?
- No, not you Max.
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84. - Then who Max?
- No, Max. I'm talking to Mr. Peanutbutter.
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85. No, you're talking to Max.
I'm Mr. Peanutbutter.
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86. Now I'm talking to Mr. Peanutbutter.
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87. - Glad we're all on the same page.
- I beg your pardon.
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88. Mr. Peanutbutter,
we have sitch in the kitch.
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89. It's a dishwash ish.
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90. - The dishwashers all quit?
- It's the small plates.
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91. If we just had bigger plates,
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92. we could get more stuff on them
and we wouldn't need so many.
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93. The point of the small plates
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94. is to curate a personalized
dining experience,
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95. but because of your lazy Susans,
all the plates keep getting spun around
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96. and nobody remembers who ordered what!
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97. Oof! And then there's me,
putting my picture on the menu!
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98. - What? No one cares about that.
- Yeah, the pic's not the problem.
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99. All right. JoPo... go, why don't you start
on those dishes?
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100. You got it, good buddy.
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101. Oh...
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102. Pickles, you keep manning the tables.
Those Susans aren't gonna laze themselves.
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103. Sure. But...
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104. Could I talk to you?
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105. How much longer do we have
to keep working with that guy?
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106. I thought you loved Joey Pogo!
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107. I love his music!
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108. He's my second favorite recording artist
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109. after Lo-Fi Chill-Hop Beats
to study/relax to.
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110. I love Lo-Fi Chill-Hop Beats
to study/relax to!
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111. And I love you!
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112. But Joey Pogo's like your total opposite!
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113. He's arrogant, annoyingly cheerful,
and fake-nice.
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114. You are confident,
refreshingly optimistic,
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115. and wryly sweet
with an ironic self-aware edge
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116. that reads to some as inauthentic,
but I recognize as archly sincere!
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117. Total opposites!
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118. Okay. So, Pogo's not gonna work,
but I guess we keep trying?
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119. I can proposition some young men on set.
That should end well.
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120. No, I'm sorry. I want this to work.
I'll try to make it work. For us.
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121. Now, if we're to finish this story,
we need to stay focused.
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122. The last days of Sarah Lynn.
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123. I'm telling you, the story is bigger
than just the one girl!
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124. If we pivot our perspective
so we prove a larger pattern,
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125. we can paint a clearer portrait
of a problematic person
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126. for a page-one profile
that'll pave our path to a Pulitzer!
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127. Paige, please! At the rate we're going,
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128. we'll never file the story,
you'll remain unmarried,
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129. and I'll be stuck bickering with you
until the day I die!
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130. Oh, poor baby.
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131. Sorry, where were we?
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132. - We wanted to ask you about Sarah Lynn.
- Oh.
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133. Before we do, let's widen our frame a tad.
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134. Oh, brother.
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135. - Would you say BoJack is a good person?
- Unequivocally, more or less.
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136. - More-more or more-less?
- Uh...
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137. Yes, but back to Sarah Lynn...
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138. We're trying to understand if your friend
has ever exhibited certain patterns...
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139. Argyle? Herringbone?
That man can pull off anything!
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140. We're wasting time. Did Sarah Lynn ac...
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141. Whoa!
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142. I told you not to spin it that fast!
Lazy! Lazy!
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143. I'm lazy? Aren't you supposed to be
washing dishes?
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144. Hey! Where are you going?
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145. Okay, let the cat out of the bag
so my curiosity can kill it.
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146. What is going on with those two?
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147. That's a personal matter.
I'll tell you all about it!
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148. Cast party! Cast party!
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149. We are having a cast party!
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150. - Yeah!
- They didn't even buy alcohol!
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151. Just a disco ball and some capes?
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152. These are all the bad things
you think you did?
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153. - I swear, this is all I can think of!
- None of these are big stories!
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154. - We all know there are more things.
- Jesus Christ.
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155. What's the point of working on myself
and getting sober and getting better
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156. if no matter what, there are people
out there just waiting to tear me down?
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157. - BoJack, no.
- No, it's not fair.
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158. If you start listing every single thing
everyone's done,
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159. - then everyone's a monster.
- Nobody's...
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160. Who are these reporters, anyway?
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161. They're so perfect? I'll bet
there's dirt on them we could dig up!
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162. - I don't think that's it...
- That'll teach those bloodthirsty leeches
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163. what happens when they try to tear
someone down over their past
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164. without even considering the possibility
that he's changed!
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165. - Have you changed?
- Yes, obviously.
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166. Because this feels like old BoJack.
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167. I like the BoJack who's thoughtful
and directs plays
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168. that are emotionally resonant despite
the glaring logical gaps in the plot.
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169. It was a showcase of separate scenes!
There was no plot!
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170. I need to go put Ruthie to bed.
Call me when new BoJack's back.
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171. You didn't do any of the dishes?
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172. Manual labor featuring me
is just not a fruitful collab.
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173. So I just went out
and bought 500 new ones.
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174. Why did Mister think I'd like you?
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175. When I'm with him,
we finish each other's sentences.
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176. Meanwhile, you are always...
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177. Interrupting, just to say
the exact thing that you were going to?
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178. - Yes! It's so...
- Annoying?
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179. Thank you. That's the word.
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180. Hey, I don't wanna be here either.
You know Joey Pogo wants to bounce.
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181. What if we just tell Mister
we've formed an emotional bond,
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182. then we can have sex,
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183. and we'll never have
to see each other again!
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184. - Why don't we just tell him we had sex?
- I can't lie to my fiancé about sex!
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185. That's what got us into this mess
in the first place!
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186. So, as soon as they go to bed
with each other,
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187. we can put this whole thing to bed,
but the problem is...
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188. - She loves him.
- No, the opposite.
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189. No, the opposite of the opposite.
The very thing itself: she loves him.
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190. Why do you say that?
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191. You've got irises, haven't you?
And pupils and corneas?
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192. You might even say you've got
a pair of eyes. Optic nerve?
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193. Yes.
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194. So how could you not see the way that
she follows him across the restaurant
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195. like the puppy dog she is?
How they bicker and flirt?
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196. Why would she fall
for a dashing cad like Joey Pogo
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197. when she's already engaged to sweet,
dependable, predictable, safe, boring,
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198. perfectly adequate Mr. Peanutbutter?
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199. Thank you.
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200. She only tolerates that other fellow
because she has to, for work.
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201. Otherwise she finds him
utterly distasteful.
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202. - Piggish even! No offense to me.
- None taken, of course.
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203. No, she loves him,
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204. though she'd never admit it,
even to herself.
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205. And what about the boy?
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206. Sure, he puts up a front
and picks a good fight,
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207. but to just once hear
those stupid words "I love you"
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208. tumble out of her foolish mouth
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209. would drop his heart down
an elevator shaft
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210. and bounce it back up to his throat.
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211. - Yes?
- Yes.
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212. - I'm pretty sure they hate each other.
- Uh...
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213. I... Well, that's all very...
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214. - Back to BoJack!
- And Sarah Lynn.
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215. Would you say
BoJack's relationship with her
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216. ever bordered on inappropriate
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217. in the weeks leading up to her death?
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218. No! They were closer than thieves!
They were thieves, actually.
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219. They broke into my house together,
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220. like great friends do,
and stole our clothes.
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221. Ask Diane, she never got that jacket back!
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222. But she was able to find another one
shortly thereafter
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223. that looked exactly the same.
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224. - Pardon me.
- Hello. Joseph?
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225. Can I get an announcement drumroll,
please?
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226. Never mind.
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227. Joey and I have developed feelings
for each other.
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228. Oh!
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229. Wow, I didn't think so soon, but...
No, that's wonderful.
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230. It's exactly what we wanted.
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231. It is! So now we make love,
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232. after which we can all get on
with our lives.
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233. Great! This is good.
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234. Look, we're not gonna
figure this out tonight.
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235. Maybe I should just go
to the cast party and try to enjoy...
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236. Hello?
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237. Yes. Um, speaking.
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238. Oh, hello, Paige Sinclair,
of the "Hollywoo Reporter."
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239. Yes, I know BoJack Horseman.
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240. Uh... What night? Did I see BoJack with...
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241. Uh...
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242. Listen, I'd love to talk more,
but, uh, I cut my finger earlier
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243. in a bagel guillotine and I think
I require medical attention, goodbye.
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244. Bagellotine.
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245. It's Sarah Lynn.
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246. Their story is about you and Sarah Lynn.
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247. Well, uh, that was...
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248. - Wow.
- Yeah.
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249. Well, see ya later.
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250. Oh.
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251. Hey, I'm sorry I was kind of a dick
to you earlier.
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252. The truth is, since Mr. Peanutbutter
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253. has been such a good friend
and chill hang,
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254. I was nervous
I would feel weird smashing his fiancée,
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255. but once we were in it,
it was like we were two naked hearts
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256. raw and exposed but safe in the home
we found in each other.
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257. Yeah. Did you just come up with that?
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258. No, it's from my new song,
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259. "Two Naked Hearts."
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260. - Oh. Sounds like another banger.
- Best of luck with your wedding.
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261. One day I hope to have what you two have.
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262. Right now, I couldn't even imagine
getting married.
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263. I can't even commit
to a social media director.
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264. Why not?
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265. I'm just having a hard time finding
someone who gets my brand, you know?
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266. Sexy?
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267. That's exactly right, you totally get me.
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268. So, if you think of anybody who could be
good for the job, let me know, all right?
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269. - I will.
- All right.
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270. I'm headed to the airport now
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271. for another in a series of extravagant
world tours all by myself.
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272. At least I'll have
the empty seat next to me
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273. that I always book for extra comfort.
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274. I'll be at gate six.
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275. I'm just saying this information out loud
so I don't forget it.
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276. Gate six. Plane boards at 10:38.
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277. - Wait, Joey!
- Yeah?
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278. Um, here's your jacket back.
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279. Thanks, Pickles.
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280. Goodbye, Joey Pogo.
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281. So Sarah Lynn. That's okay.
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282. - We can spin this.
- Yeah?
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283. What are we spinning?
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284. You went on a bender with her,
at some point you split up and she died.
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285. That's the story, right?
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286. If you want us to help you,
you need to tell us what's coming.
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287. You know what I thought?
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288. The first thing I thought
when I heard Sarah Lynn died?
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289. Poor BoJack,
that he had to find her like that.
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290. That's right.
Poor BoJack, that's the angle!
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291. But then I kept thinking.
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292. I wish I didn't,
but my stupid brain kept thinking.
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293. She died of a heroin overdose, yeah?
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294. And you had heroin, "BoJack" brand,
you kept it in your glove compartment.
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295. - Diane...
- I didn't wanna think about it,
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296. but I couldn't help but wonder.
Did you give it to her?
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297. I... Uh...
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298. - Yes.
- And then what?
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299. - You just abandoned her?
- No, I...
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300. You just left her alone,
an addict, with heroin?
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301. I didn't leave her, I was with her!
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302. I was with her the whole time!
I was with her when she died!
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303. - Like "with her" with her?
- In the planetarium.
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304. I left and came back
and pretended I'd found her that way.
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305. I... I've never told anyone that.
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306. That's really bad, BoJack.
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307. Do the reporters know that?
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308. I don't know how they could.
I covered my tracks.
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309. How did you "cover your tracks"?
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310. Oh. Hey. Uh, what's up?
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311. We're doing
end-of-year superlatives,
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312. and we thought it would be cool
if you came out and read some.
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313. Oh, um...
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314. Just, uh, give me a minute.
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315. - This was supposed to be a celebration.
- We can still figure this out.
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316. I'm tired of trying to figure things out.
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317. Let me just have this one night.
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318. It's Horse Professor!
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319. Okay, okay, settle down, settle down.
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320. Okay. You wanted me
to read these, right? Okay.
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321. Um, well, for Best Old Man... Terry.
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322. - Thank you. Thank you so much.
- Okay. Sit down, Terry. Just sit down.
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323. Sit down. If you start talking,
then we'll all be old!
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324. For Best Director...
Oh, Horse Professor.
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325. That's me.
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326. - Speech!
- No, I... Okay, okay, okay!
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327. Okay. Thank you.
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328. I just want to say that I've loved
being here with you this year.
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329. You've shown me the type of person
I didn't know I wanted to be.
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330. And this semester,
I got to be that person.
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331. Thank you.
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332. And I just... I want you all
to appreciate this time,
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333. and how special it is,
and how fast it'll all go away.
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334. Please, cherish this.
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335. And I have my own superlative
to announce.
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336. I, um...
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337. Oh. Uh, hmm...
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338. For the Best Actor or Actress...
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339. Oh, my God, it's an eight-way tie!
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340. Okay, everyone. Enjoy your party.
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341. Hi, I just gotta tell you
how much I'm loving
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342. the small plates and lazy Susans.
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343. I put my fork down and I never know
what I'm gonna pull back up!
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344. - You've really made dinner fun again.
- Uh-huh.
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345. And did you notice my picture
on the front of the menu?
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346. Uh, sure. I mean that part
I could take or leave,
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347. but the small plates and lazy Susans
work together perfectly
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348. to form a completely new kind
of upscale dining experience.
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349. Exactly like dim sum,
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350. but with white people food,
so it's more accessible.
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351. - Oh, well, thank you.
- Huh! Tragic, isn't it?
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352. What is?
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353. I just keep thinking
about Pickles and Pogo.
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354. They've finally acknowledged
that they love each other,
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355. - but she's promised to another.
- Yes. To me.
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356. Oh, right!
So, you know better than anyone.
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357. Someone's up to something,
I can tell you that much.
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358. Mr. Peanutbutter, does your ex-wife
regularly consume bagels?
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359. Hey, why don't you two mind
your own business? How about that?
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360. As payrolled journalists,
our business is minding your business.
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361. I'm not going to help you
with your take-down piece on BoJack.
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362. - Oh, no?
- He's a good guy.
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363. And you have no idea
how torn up he was with Sarah Lynn.
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364. In fact, he was with her
in the planetarium when she overdosed.
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365. - He actually gave her the heroin!
- Oh?
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366. Yeah. He told me that once
when he was drunk,
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367. and then he said,
"I've never told anybody that."
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368. Because he's modest.
So why don't you just leave him alone?
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369. Oh, Max, it's all coming together!
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370. I could just about kiss someone
if I had someone here to kiss!
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371. - Listen, I've been meaning to discuss...
- The story?
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372. It's cooking now. Smell that sizzle?
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373. We've gotta build on it.
More angles, more leads, more...
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374. Whoa!
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375. - Oh...
- My...
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376. I... You know, I think our story
is about as wrapped up as a mummy.
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377. What?
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378. I'd better hightail it to the office
and put ink on paper.
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379. But what about establishing
a larger pattern of behavior?
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380. We still haven't heard back
from the New Mexico girl
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381. or our contact
at the rehabilitation clinic.
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382. Don't you think we ought
to keep working together?
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383. No, I think I ought to get married.
You were right all along, Banks, my boy.
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384. The story is Sarah Lynn. It always was.
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385. Taxi!
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386. Wait! Paige! I, uh...
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387. - I love you!
- Oh, Max. Of course you do.
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388. Everybody does. I'm Paige Sinclair!
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389. So, what happens?
When the story comes out, what do I do?
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390. A statement about how sorry you are
about certain parts of the story
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391. but other parts of the story
just aren't true.
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392. No, you...
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393. Then in everyone's head
you've apologized for the really bad stuff
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394. without legally implicating yourself.
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395. - Does that work?
- All the time.
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396. No, it doesn't.
Why are you telling him to lie?
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397. Because this is good.
This BoJack here is good.
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398. This is working, but it's so precarious.
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399. Well, I'm not gonna lose
my job here, right?
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400. The Sarah Lynn stuff,
that has nothing to do with this.
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401. - Right.
- No.
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402. You're about to get pushed out of a plane,
and the two of you are talking
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403. like you're trying to brainstorm ways
to get back on the plane.
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404. That's not gonna happen.
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405. You can try to find a parachute
or you can dive headfirst into the earth,
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406. but the plane is gone.
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407. You're seeing things in absolutes.
We can wriggle out of this.
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408. - Who's "we"?
- Diane, I'm asking you for help.
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409. This job is my lifeline.
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410. I think you should do the hard thing
and be honest.
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411. About everything. Things will get worse
before they get better,
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412. but you won't spend the rest of your life
waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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413. Yeah.
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414. BoJack, just think...
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415. Wesleyan University Theater Department.
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416. Paige Sinclair,
"Hollywoo Reporter."
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417. Is this a Mr. BoJack Horseman?
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418. - Y-yes.
- Fabulous.
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419. We're running a story Thursday next
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420. about your relationship with Sarah Lynn
leading up to her death.
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421. I wanted to give you a chance
to respond to these allegations.
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422. I presume you will deny them,
as is customary,
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423. but this is me doing my due diligence
and reaching out for comment, understood?
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424. Uh, yeah.
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425. Now, did you supply Sarah Lynn
with the drugs found on her person?
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426. No.
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427. All right. And did you use heroin
with Sarah Lynn during those last weeks?
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428. - No.
- Uh-huh.
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429. Were you with her when she died?
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430. Um... No.
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431. And did you lie to the police
about any of these things?
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432. No.
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433. Thank you for your time.
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434. What happened to being honest?
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435. I didn't think it would happen so fast.
Did she say next Thursday?
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436. That gives us a week to plan.
We can minimize damage.
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437. "We" are not doing anything.
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438. - Diane, please.
- I can't be a part of this.
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439. I have a book to write.
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440. Oh, my God!
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441. They're all making out out here!
Go to your dorms!
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442. You have rooms!
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443. Well, we did it.
And by "it," I mean doing it.
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444. Oh-ho! Fantastic.
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445. So, now we're even,
and everything can go back to normal.
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446. I can't wait. First step:
let's set a date for the wedding.
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447. Joey has a job opening on his tour
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448. that I think could be
a real opportunity for me.
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449. Oh.
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450. Only thing is, I'd have to go tonight,
and I might be gone for a while.
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451. - Oh.
- Oh, Mister, I'm so confused!
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452. I feel like my brain is on a lazy Susan,
just spinning in all directions.
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453. And I know I should be ready
to commit to a main course,
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454. but right now I'm just so excited
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455. about all the different small plates
out there, you know?
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456. It sounds like maybe this is a bad time
to have my face printed
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457. on the cover of your metaphorical menu.
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458. What? Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that part of it.
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459. Go on Joey's tour. Have a good time.
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460. And we'll plan the wedding...
when I get back?
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461. Sure, Pickles... when you get back.
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462. - Sounds like a good compromise.
- Yeah?
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463. Yeah. The best.
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464. Everyone gets what they want
and no one had to compromise.
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465. Oh, my God, I gotta go!
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466. - Okay, I love you!
- Hey.
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467. Thank you, for everything.
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468. Hey! Sad Dog!
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469. - I think the party's over.
- Yeah.
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470. What do you got?
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471. "My relationship with Sarah Lynn
was complicated,
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472. as relationships between addicts
often are.
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473. However, certain aspects of the story
are inaccurate or exaggerated.
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474. This story has started
an important conversation
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475. and I look forward to continuing to work
on my own progress..."
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476. There's... There's no way
to not sound like bullshit.
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477. Yeah, well...
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478. This place was supposed to be
a fresh start for me.
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479. Rehab was supposed to be a fresh start.
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480. But no matter how many starts I get,
there's always the same ending.
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481. Everything falls apart and I end up alone.
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482. - I'm still here, BoJack.
- Why?
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483. I don't know. I'm a fool, I guess.
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484. And you were my first client,
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485. and one time you were drunk
and you smiled at me and I said, "What?"
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486. And you said, "I just like being in a room
with you. You make rooms good."
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487. You still do.
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488. I have loved you for 25 years,
and I never loved anyone better.
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489. That kind of love, you only get it
when you're young and stupid.
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490. I'm not gonna get it again.
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491. And when I tell my daughter the story
of the great love of my life,
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492. I want it to have a happy ending.
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493. Is it possible you letting me go
is the happy ending?
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494. I've gone with you this far.
In for a penny, in for a pound, right?
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495. Sunk cost and all that?
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496. Yeah, sunk cost.
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497. The story's coming out Thursday.
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498. I don't think that we can get around this,
or over this, or try to get under it.
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499. - Diane is right. We need to go through it.
- BoJack...
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500. I need to take responsibility.
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501. I want to.
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502. So you can tell your daughter
you helped me do the right thing.
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503. - I'll call you tomorrow with a plan.
- I'm looking forward to it.
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504. - You sure?
- I mean, no.
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