1. What troubles you, Sister?Copy !req
2. It's the woman who came from the water.
She's been in our care for two years.Copy !req
3. She hasn't spoken a word
and spends her days in a fog.Copy !req
4. Have you been steadfast in your prayers?Copy !req
5. I have. And yet,
her condition does not improve.Copy !req
6. "And yet"? Is prayer but a bargain?Copy !req
7. Is it for you to present terms
to the Lord?Copy !req
8. No, Mother. I just—Copy !req
9. You seek a sign from God.
Should He seek less from you?Copy !req
10. Take the woman to the seaside
tomorrow after Matins.Copy !req
11. Prove your faith to Him
that He might reveal His glory to you.Copy !req
12. Yes, Mother.Copy !req
13. Can you feel that on your feet?Copy !req
14. That's water. Water.Copy !req
15. This is hopeless! I want to help you,
but I don't even know who you are!Copy !req
16. I look at your face and think
you could be literally anyone.Copy !req
17. Are you a federal judge? A Russian spy?Copy !req
18. - A proud Southern matriarch?Copy !req
19. Bo... BoJack!Copy !req
20. - What?
- BoJack!Copy !req
21. - What are you saying? I don't—
- BoJack! BoJack! BoJack!Copy !req
22. Gah! Bleh! Agh!Copy !req
23. Ow...!Copy !req
24. - Come on, get up. We're gonna be late.
- How have I gained weight?Copy !req
25. Spent two weeks in a hospital
hooked up to a feeding tube.Copy !req
26. You drank milkshakes.
That's not a feeding tube.Copy !req
27. It's basically a feeding tube.Copy !req
28. How many do you take a day?
Are you in that much pain right now?Copy !req
29. - I'm about to be. Reviews are out.
- Okay.Copy !req
30. "Philbert is an astonishment,Copy !req
31. with Horseman bringing surprising depth
to the eponymous character."Copy !req
32. "Surprising depth"?
God, they always gotta slant it.Copy !req
33. Why can't it just be "depth"?Copy !req
34. I'd hate to see you after a bad review.Copy !req
35. Oh, and I bet "eponymous"
was supposed to be a pun on "pony."Copy !req
36. Wait. There's a part about me.Copy !req
37. "Gina Cazador also appears
as Sassy Malone."Copy !req
38. Wow, I've never been mentioned
in a review before.Copy !req
39. "Her restrained performance
crackles with nuance and power."Copy !req
40. Damn, look at me— in two sentences.Copy !req
41. Well, don't let it go to your head.
Probably just because you're a good actor.Copy !req
42. Anyway, I got you something
for the premiere party.Copy !req
43. - These are beautiful, BoJack.
- Well, don't let it go to your head.Copy !req
44. It's because you visited me
in the hospital every day,Copy !req
45. and I got used to having you around,
and it turns out I like you.Copy !req
46. Uh-oh. I let them go to my head.Copy !req
47. "What separates Philbert
is the character's vulnerability.Copy !req
48. This is not the sad man
as suave and cynical anti-hero,Copy !req
49. but a barely scabbed-over wound
of a person."Copy !req
50. "Barely scabbed-over."
Congratulations.Copy !req
51. You're the one
who took a stock bad-boy detectiveCopy !req
52. and made him into a wound.Copy !req
53. Me? No.Copy !req
54. - You're coming to the premiere party?
- Already on my way.Copy !req
55. My apartment is a two-hour drive
from everywhere.Copy !req
56. Seven miles, two hours.Copy !req
57. - How is that possible?
- Honk, honk!Copy !req
58. Well, that'll give you plenty of timeCopy !req
59. to come up with a few spontaneous remarks
for the red carpet.Copy !req
60. Oh, do I have to do that?
- Look, I gotta go. You'll be great.Copy !req
61. - Just be charmingly effusive. Be yourself.
- I can't be both of those things at once!Copy !req
62. - Can I help you?
- Abel Ziegler.Copy !req
63. I saw the trailer
for your new show Philbert,Copy !req
64. and I think you oughta see this.Copy !req
65. "What did the clam say to the crab
at the undersea ball?"Copy !req
66. I think you know why I'm here.Copy !req
67. Oh, fish.Copy !req
68. Well, buddy, these past few months,
you have been inappropriateCopy !req
69. with every person
who's come to our apartment.Copy !req
70. Henry Fondle, you are inside of me.
You always have been.Copy !req
71. But there's nowhere else I can take you.Copy !req
72. Let's get down to business.Copy !req
73. You want me to take you to work?
No way!Copy !req
74. - Oh, yes!
- No!Copy !req
75. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
76. - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
77. I need you to be
on your best behavior today.Copy !req
78. That is the stuff I like.Copy !req
79. I also like clearly defined expectations.Copy !req
80. It seems we understand each other.Copy !req
81. - Mmm-ch, mmm-ch!Copy !req
82. So, tonight, are we, like,
together-together at this thing?Copy !req
83. Oh, uh, well...Copy !req
84. I mean, I know we're together.
I just meant publicly.Copy !req
85. Like, are we gonna introduce the world
to "BoJina"?Copy !req
86. Well, yeah, I just... I'm not sure
the world is ready for, um, BoJina.Copy !req
87. - Oh, yeah, you're probably right.Copy !req
88. What do you want,
Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
89. Gotcha! It's not Steven Spielberg.
I changed my name in your contacts.Copy !req
90. - Pickles wants to say "hi."Copy !req
91. - What pickles?
- Hi, BoJack!Copy !req
92. Uh, hello. Are you the pickles?Copy !req
93. I don't know if I'm the Pickles,
but maybe one day.Copy !req
94. - Right now I'm just a waitress.
- Oh, right. The waitress.Copy !req
95. Well, I don't know if I'm the waitress.Copy !req
96. She's being modest.
She's a waitress- slash-Copy !req
97. - aspiring Instagram influencer.
- What?Copy !req
98. Is that Gina?Copy !req
99. - Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter.
- Wow.Copy !req
100. BoJack Horseman and Mr. Peanutbutter,
and also Gina on the same phone call?Copy !req
101. What is this?Copy !req
102. I don't know what this is.
Why did you call me?Copy !req
103. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
104. You wanna ride with me and Pickles
to the premiere?Copy !req
105. It'll be like this, but for 40 minutes.Copy !req
106. - Hard no.
- Hardly no?Copy !req
107. - That sounds like a yes.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
108. - Well, anyway— hello?Copy !req
109. Huh. He must have accidentally hung up,Copy !req
110. right after he accidentally said,
"Okay, bye."Copy !req
111. As the clam said to the crab
at the undersea ball...Copy !req
112. "Shell we dance?"Copy !req
113. There are some superficial similarities.Copy !req
114. Superficial, shmuperficial!
It's the same line!Copy !req
115. - Doesn't mean I stole it!
- Flip.Copy !req
116. I spent months on that line.
I slaved, finessed, crafted.Copy !req
117. The world was a block of marble,
and, like Michelangelo,Copy !req
118. I chiseled it into my David,Copy !req
119. as I did for each and every one
of Crazy AZ's Frozen Funnies.Copy !req
120. Mr. Ziegler, we have so much respect
for your work.Copy !req
121. Do you think I'm like a penny
on a railroad track?Copy !req
122. Prone to flattery?Copy !req
123. We've got a premiere to get to.Copy !req
124. How long do we have to listen to this guy
do his Popsicle schtick?Copy !req
125. It's pronounced "stick," idiot.Copy !req
126. Play nice, Flip.Copy !req
127. If this gets out, everyone will be talking
about the stolen gag,Copy !req
128. instead of all the great parts of the show
that weren't stolen.Copy !req
129. Fine. What do you want?Copy !req
130. I want what every comedy writer wants.
Respect!Copy !req
131. Oh! What if I just let you come
to the premiere party with us?Copy !req
132. They have tiny tacos in soft shellsCopy !req
133. that are impossible to fold
without making a big mess.Copy !req
134. I accept your terms. Where do I sign?Copy !req
135. - Can we go now?
- Wait.Copy !req
136. "Abel Ziegler ampersand"?
What are you ampersanding?Copy !req
137. - My former writing partner, Ziggy Abler.
- What?Copy !req
138. I can only give permission
for the part I wrote.Copy !req
139. I'm the set-up guy.Copy !req
140. If you want the punch line,
you gotta talk to Ziggy.Copy !req
141. Can you ask him to sign the release?Copy !req
142. I can't even ask him the best time
to go to the dentist.Copy !req
143. He hasn't talked to me for 30 years.Copy !req
144. - Now, you mentioned a party?Copy !req
145. Wow!Copy !req
146. A real Hollywoo premiere party.Copy !req
147. Can we get our pictures taken,
and drink specialty cocktails,Copy !req
148. and form life-long bonds
with other fancy celebrities,Copy !req
149. and read in magazines,
"Who wore it better?"Copy !req
150. And then people vote,
and then 78 percent of readers say,Copy !req
151. - "Pickles did!"Copy !req
152. Hey, BoJack, can we get some of just you?Copy !req
153. - Oh, uh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm. I'll see you in there.Copy !req
154. FYI, you're gonna want pictures of her
after you see what she does in Philbert.Copy !req
155. Let me tell you something,
that 39-year-old actress is going places.Copy !req
156. - Oh. Hey.
- What happened to your arm?Copy !req
157. - Oh, just some asshole got T-boned by me.
- Oh, my God. When?Copy !req
158. Uh... couple weeks ago? Or months?Copy !req
159. As Philbert says, "Time is like a woman;Copy !req
160. completely impossible to comprehend."Copy !req
161. I think we ended up cutting that lineCopy !req
162. because the network was worried
it would be offensiveCopy !req
163. to people who didn't know
what time it was.Copy !req
164. - This you call a tip?Copy !req
165. I haven't seen a tip this measly
since my bris.Copy !req
166. You must be Ziggy Abler.
Oh, thank you so much for coming.Copy !req
167. Darling, you're wasting your time.Copy !req
168. I love to sign documents.
In fact, that's my signature move.Copy !req
169. But if Abel signed it, I won't.Copy !req
170. I guess you could say I'm willing,
but not Abel!Copy !req
171. - Oh...!
- Now where are those tiny tacos?Copy !req
172. Oh!Copy !req
173. - Cuckoo.Copy !req
174. Chicka-chicka, oh, yeah.Copy !req
175. Mmm-ch, mmm-ch!Copy !req
176. Oh, is it five o'clock already?Copy !req
177. If you've poured me a drink,
you must want something.Copy !req
178. - Out with it.
I want to be on top of you.Copy !req
179. There's no one on top of me.
I'm CEO of this company.Copy !req
180. - That's my favorite position.
- Well, you can't have it. It's mine.Copy !req
181. Give it to me.Copy !req
182. You want to be tantamount
to this catamount?Copy !req
183. You've got balls, I'll give you that.Copy !req
184. [clanking, whirring] I am a horny robot.Copy !req
185. For my job, yes, you've been quite clear.Copy !req
186. But if you were CEO, what would I do?Copy !req
187. Take a portraiture class
at the Learning Annex?Copy !req
188. While away the hours,
painting canvas after canvas of my wife,Copy !req
189. and, through this act,Copy !req
190. rediscover the woman I fell in love with
those many years ago?Copy !req
191. No, such a realization would only crush
my too-feeble heart.Copy !req
192. After all, what benefit is it to love
without the words to express it?Copy !req
193. What could I possibly say to articulate
my deep devotion to this woman,Copy !req
194. who has become but a stranger to me now?Copy !req
195. I am powerless in the face
of your mesmerizing sexual energy.Copy !req
196. Such a brain for business,
yet such a tongue for poetry.Copy !req
197. So, I am resigning from my post,
effective immediately.Copy !req
198. I leave you in the good hands
of Henry Fondle.Copy !req
199. - Henry, would you like to say a few words?
- Henry] You will submit to my desires.Copy !req
200. - Very impressive.
- He's leaning in and I respect that.Copy !req
201. - Uh... guys, are you sure about this?
- I've never been more sure about anything.Copy !req
202. Todd, why don't you show your new boss
around the premises?Copy !req
203. I'm actually about to head out
to the Philbert premiere party.Copy !req
204. I'm coming.
- Brilliant! You'll take him with you!Copy !req
205. Oh, no, no.
He doesn't need to come.Copy !req
206. I'm coming, I'm coming.
Oh, God, I'm coming.Copy !req
207. Whatever you say... boss.Copy !req
208. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
209. Thank you for attending the premiere
of my opus.Copy !req
210. I hope you all enjoy it
because that means you are smart.Copy !req
211. If you don't get it, that means
that my genius wasn't appreciatedCopy !req
212. in my own time, and that's okay, too.Copy !req
213. Why are you laughing?
Please do not laugh during the screening.Copy !req
214. This episode contains
no intentional humor.Copy !req
215. Okay. That's—
that's always a good sign,Copy !req
216. when you have to clarify that.
Look, folks, Herb is being modest.Copy !req
217. - "Herb"?
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
218. Flip. Did I say Herb?Copy !req
219. Herb is being modest,
but he put together a tremendous showCopy !req
220. that I think that you guys
are really gonna love.Copy !req
221. That's right.
It all came out of this brain.Copy !req
222. - Ha! That brain, he says?
- That brain? Double-ha!Copy !req
223. Shh!Copy !req
224. And the most amazing thing about this showCopy !req
225. is that I'm sure we all have Philberts
in our lives,Copy !req
226. or we are Philberts.Copy !req
227. You know, we've all done terrible things
that we deeply regret.Copy !req
228. I've done so many... unforgivable things.Copy !req
229. And I think that,
that's what this show says.Copy !req
230. Is that... is that we're all terrible,
so therefore we're all... okay.Copy !req
231. What?Copy !req
232. And I think
that's a really powerful message.Copy !req
233. Okay, well, without further ado,
the first chapter,Copy !req
234. and notice I said "chapter" not episodeCopy !req
235. because I think of this show as more
of a novel than a TV show...Copy !req
236. - of Philbert!Copy !req
237. Nothing's lonelier than a party.Copy !req
238. Barf me a river!Copy !req
239. Hey, Pickles, where have you been?
You left after, like, ten minutes.Copy !req
240. I'm sorry.Copy !req
241. My friend Ilana, not my best friend Ilana,
but another Ilana who is my friend,Copy !req
242. was having a crisis,
and I needed to text her "LOL."Copy !req
243. Well, you missed the whole episode.Copy !req
244. I saw the first ten minutes!
I just couldn't get into it.Copy !req
245. And you kept saying,Copy !req
246. "Do you love it? Are you loving it?
How did you like that scene?"Copy !req
247. Well, did you love it? Were you loving it?
How did you like that scene?Copy !req
248. Every time you showed up on screen,
I kept thinking,Copy !req
249. "That's not a dirty cop,
that's my boyfriend!Copy !req
250. The sweetest, cutest dog
in the whole world!"Copy !req
251. And then you'd shoot someone,
and I was like... eww!Copy !req
252. - Fritz is the hardest I've ever acted.
- Oh.Copy !req
253. Harder than the ice bucket challenge,Copy !req
254. but it was fake ice.
I wanted you to see it.Copy !req
255. I'm going to fix this.
You stay here and party.Copy !req
256. I'll go home.
I'll watch the entire season of your show.Copy !req
257. You don't have to do that.Copy !req
258. And you don't have to like every one
of my Instagram posts, but you do.Copy !req
259. The least I could do
is watch your TV show,Copy !req
260. even if it kills me
because I hate it so much.Copy !req
261. - Well, don't watch it if you hate it.
- I'm going to do this for us.Copy !req
262. - But—
- I love you!Copy !req
263. I've been to dozens of these things
and I've never heard applause like that.Copy !req
264. We might actually get a season two.Copy !req
265. - That's never happened to me before.
- That's incredible.Copy !req
266. Excuse me,
can I borrow you for a few minutes?Copy !req
267. - Oh, sure. Gina, do you mind if I, um...?
- Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
268. Oh, no, I was actually talking to Gina.Copy !req
269. Me? I'm being borrowed for a few minutes?Copy !req
270. Oh! Well, yeah. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah. Sure.Copy !req
271. Wow. Oh, my God.Copy !req
272. Hey, how you doing? Hey, you came!Copy !req
273. Flip, I screwed up.
I didn't know it would feel like that.Copy !req
274. To be in that room.
To hear people cheering for Philbert!Copy !req
275. - What are you talking about?
- When I first started on this job,Copy !req
276. I wanted to make Philbert
more well-rounded,Copy !req
277. so the audience
could relate to him better.Copy !req
278. And now you're upsetCopy !req
279. because I didn't mention you
in my introduction.Copy !req
280. Diane, the whole point of television
is it's a collaborative medium,Copy !req
281. - where one person gets all the credit.
- No, it's not about that.Copy !req
282. I made him more vulnerable,
and that made him more likable,Copy !req
283. which makes for a better TV show.Copy !req
284. But if Philbert is just a way
to help dumb assholes rationalizeCopy !req
285. their own awful behavior,Copy !req
286. well, I'm sorry,
but we can't put this out there.Copy !req
287. Uh, it's out there.Copy !req
288. The whole season's dropping at midnight
all over the world.Copy !req
289. - I can't be here.Copy !req
290. Come on, fellas.
I know we can find a solution here.Copy !req
291. I doubt it.Copy !req
292. We have the same problem
as a hematology labCopy !req
293. that goes a week without electricity!Copy !req
294. Too much bad blood!Copy !req
295. But you obviously work together so well.
What went wrong?Copy !req
296. It was a long time ago.Copy !req
297. My wife Harriet
always had a sneaker for Ziggy.Copy !req
298. Oh, and the unspoken resentment crept in?Copy !req
299. Unspoken? It was shouted!Copy !req
300. Nevertheless, me and Harriet ended up
having a fling.Copy !req
301. Eventually, we got married.Copy !req
302. - And that killed the partnership?
- No, we got over that.Copy !req
303. But at their tenth anniversary,
I had a few too many—Copy !req
304. And what, you took a swing at him?Copy !req
305. I said I always felt
he had the easier job,Copy !req
306. coming up with the punch lines.Copy !req
307. And then what? What led to the rift?Copy !req
308. Led? That's the whole rift!
He besmirched my craft.Copy !req
309. I still haven't forgiven
the son of a bitch!Copy !req
310. I said it then, and I stand by it now!Copy !req
311. All the pressure's on the punch line!Copy !req
312. Pressure? Please!Copy !req
313. Set-ups need context,
mise-en-scène, flavor!Copy !req
314. I carried us to the top
of the Popsicle stick game!Copy !req
315. You wrote the part
they let you try before you buy!Copy !req
316. I had to deliver the money line!Copy !req
317. Ugh!Copy !req
318. So, you both think you had the harder job?Copy !req
319. Of course!
- Indubitably!Copy !req
320. Well, what if you tried switching roles?Copy !req
321. - You mean, I tag his set-ups?
- Why not?Copy !req
322. I don't know.
I'm a punch line guy my whole life.Copy !req
323. How do I come up with straight lines?Copy !req
324. - You could try using a ruler.
- Oh!Copy !req
325. - Oh, I missed you, Abel!
- You, too, Zig!Copy !req
326. All right, so we have a deal?Copy !req
327. What did the terminally ill man say
to Dr. Kevorkian?Copy !req
328. "Give me that sweet release!"Copy !req
329. Hey.Copy !req
330. Did you really mean what you said,
before the screening?Copy !req
331. About how Philbert made you feel okay,
about yourself?Copy !req
332. Oh, I don't know—Copy !req
333. Because, you know,
that's not the point of Philbert—Copy !req
334. for guys to watch it and feel okay.Copy !req
335. Diane, it's a compliment.
You did a good job. Relax.Copy !req
336. I don't want you, or anyone else,Copy !req
337. justifying their shitty behavior
because of the show.Copy !req
338. What is your problem?Copy !req
339. Why can't you accept
that something you did is successful?Copy !req
340. It's connecting to people,
and that's good.Copy !req
341. You're right, sorry.
I don't know why I thought you would care.Copy !req
342. - Excuse me?
- What is going on with you? You're a mess.Copy !req
343. - Am I?
- I feel like I barely know you anymore.Copy !req
344. Oh, bullshit. Don't give me that.Copy !req
345. - It's true. I don't know you.
- No. You know me. You do.Copy !req
346. Then what the hell happened in New Mexico?Copy !req
347. Look, I...Copy !req
348. I don't know what you think
that you know—Copy !req
349. I don't know anything!Copy !req
350. I mean, I know something happened
with a girl in New Mexico,Copy !req
351. and I know it resulted in
you coming home in a boat.Copy !req
352. - Well, that's—
- I also know...Copy !req
353. that your old friend Charlotte
lives in New MexicoCopy !req
354. because you used to leave
her business card lying around the house,Copy !req
355. and I know her daughter is a senior
at Oberlin.Copy !req
356. - How—?
- And I know you went to OberlinCopy !req
357. during your bender three years agoCopy !req
358. because a bunch of students
posted pictures of you on Facebook.Copy !req
359. Jesus Christ,
why are you so obsessed with me?Copy !req
360. I am not obsessed.Copy !req
361. I wanted to know what happened,
and you wouldn't tell me.Copy !req
362. - You never asked!
- Okay, so I'm asking now.Copy !req
363. What happened in New Mexico?Copy !req
364. - Hallo! Smile for Yahoo, Finland!Copy !req
365. What I don't understand is why you feelCopy !req
366. like you deserve to know
every shitty thing I ever did.Copy !req
367. I don't deserve anything.Copy !req
368. I would like to know
when you've done shitty things.Copy !req
369. Why is that your business?Copy !req
370. Because I'm your friend,
and I care about you,Copy !req
371. and I wrote a book about you,Copy !req
372. and now I wrote this show for you,
and I am very publicly your friend,Copy !req
373. so if it gets out that you're doing
creepy stuff, that makes me look bad.Copy !req
374. Oh! So you're worried about things
that I may have doneCopy !req
375. because you think
that it reflects badly on you?Copy !req
376. Hurts your brand?
That's your moral high ground?Copy !req
377. This is not about "moral high ground."Copy !req
378. Wanna know about New Mexico?Copy !req
379. You want to know about the one
little thing that I did in New Mexico,Copy !req
380. which, by the way,
wasn't even really a thing?Copy !req
381. - You know what? Spare me.
- No, I'm gonna tell you.Copy !req
382. I'll tell you what you want.Copy !req
383. And while I'm at it, you wanna hear about
what happened at the MTV beach house?Copy !req
384. Or why I'm not allowed
to fly United anymore?Copy !req
385. Or what happened with Sharona,
the makeup lady on Horsing Around?Copy !req
386. - What?
- Or the dozens of other shady thingsCopy !req
387. that may or may not have occurred
in my life that I can barely even rememberCopy !req
388. 'cause I was high or drunk
or it was 30 years ago?Copy !req
389. And you don't feel bad,
about any of this stuff?Copy !req
390. Yeah, of course I do!
I've spent so much time feeling bad.Copy !req
391. By the way, most of these women...
don't even remember, I bet.Copy !req
392. Well, that's really convenient for you.Copy !req
393. I'm the one
who has to live with this shit.Copy !req
394. I'm the one who has to feel the guilt
all day, every day.Copy !req
395. So, you're the victim here?Copy !req
396. Yeah, and I know
that's not the woke, progressive,Copy !req
397. intersectionally appropriate thing to say,
but I would say, yeah!Copy !req
398. I'm the one who has suffered the most
because of the actions of BoJack Horseman.Copy !req
399. - You've suffered?
- Yeah, I have!Copy !req
400. - The most?
- The most!Copy !req
401. Really? More than, say, Sarah Lynn?Copy !req
402. Don't talk to me about her.Copy !req
403. No, I wanna know how you're the victim
of the Sarah Lynn story.Copy !req
404. - I'm serious.
- Explain to me...Copy !req
405. how Sarah Lynn's overdose was
really rough for you.Copy !req
406. - Shut up.
- You feel a lot of guilt about that?Copy !req
407. You feel a lot of guilt because you were
the only father figure she ever had,Copy !req
408. and when she came to you for help, you—Copy !req
409. - Hey, how you doing?
- You folks having a good time?Copy !req
410. You look great. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
411. - You had sex with her?
- That's— ! No.Copy !req
412. And then when she was sober,
you took her on a month-long bender?Copy !req
413. And then she died. And she is dead now.
And you're still alive.Copy !req
414. With a girlfriend, who is also alive,
and a TV show.Copy !req
415. And that's been really hard for you,
the main character in this story.Copy !req
416. Why are you bringing this shit up?
Is this fun for you?Copy !req
417. - To really rub in—
- It's not fun.Copy !req
418. You win! You scored all the points
in the argument!Copy !req
419. According to facts, you are right
and I am wrong, like always.Copy !req
420. But you know what? I don't care.
Because I'm trying to move forward.Copy !req
421. You haven't changed at all.Copy !req
422. Yes! Congratulations!
You are the last person to get that.Copy !req
423. I'm not gonna change.
I don't need your help for changing,Copy !req
424. so you can stop trying
to make me your project.Copy !req
425. - That's not—
- When I met you, I was depressedCopy !req
426. because I didn't like myself.Copy !req
427. And when you wrote that book
and sold a bajillion copies,Copy !req
428. you taught me that as screwed up
as I am, that's okay.Copy !req
429. You did that. And now I'm okay.Copy !req
430. I don't believe that's true.Copy !req
431. And I don't think you believe it's true.Copy !req
432. I think you want me to tell you
that you can be better.Copy !req
433. And even though you're being
a total asshole right now,Copy !req
434. I still believe it.Copy !req
435. If all you've gotten
out of this friendship,Copy !req
436. is the idea that you should be okay
with yourself, as you are,Copy !req
437. then I don't think
this is a good relationship...Copy !req
438. for either of us.Copy !req
439. - Diane, come on.
- I'm going home.Copy !req
440. No, Diane, we're saying things,
but let's just go back to the party.Copy !req
441. I'm done... with all of this.Copy !req
442. I went to New Mexico to see Charlotte.Copy !req
443. She was married with a daughter.Copy !req
444. But it wasn't like...
what you're thinking.Copy !req
445. She was 17, which is the legal age
of consent in New Mexico,Copy !req
446. and she wasn't drunk, so,
not that I wanted to, I never... I didn't.Copy !req
447. That's the dumbest part of all of this!
I didn't do anything.Copy !req
448. I mean, the fact that this has turned
into such a thing for you—Copy !req
449. you know, maybe I didn't tell you
because there was nothing to tell.Copy !req
450. Did you ever think of that?
She was my friend's daughter,Copy !req
451. and she wanted it, and I was...Copy !req
452. I was in a bad place
because Charlotte had just—Copy !req
453. So, then she came onto my boat,
Charlotte, I mean,Copy !req
454. and she walked in,
and I was with her daughter.Copy !req
455. But again, nothing had happened yet.Copy !req
456. - "Yet?"
- Nothing happened.Copy !req
457. Goodbye, BoJack.Copy !req
458. - Diane, no!
- Hey— Aah!Copy !req
459. You wanted me to tell you. I told you.
You know everything.Copy !req
460. - Please let go of me.
- Diane, please.Copy !req
461. You're hurting me,
and I would like you to let go now.Copy !req
462. - So, what'd you think of the show, boss?
More, more.Copy !req
463. Well, all ten episodesCopy !req
464. - will be on our website at midnight.
- More.Copy !req
465. - You want more episodes?
- Give it to me.Copy !req
466. Ooh! Flip! They're picking us up
for more episodes!Copy !req
467. Wow. And my mother said
I'd never last as long as Hung.Copy !req
468. Well, who's Hung now, Mom?Copy !req
469. Uh, right.Copy !req
470. Ugh.Copy !req
471. Ow! Oh, ah!Copy !req
472. Uh...Copy !req
473. - Oh. Hey!
- Hey.Copy !req
474. - You're leaving?
- Yeah. You?Copy !req
475. I'm just getting some air.Copy !req
476. No, wrong Prius.
I'm sorry I lost my ticket!Copy !req
477. Want me to drive you home?Copy !req
478. You can come back
and get your car tomorrow?Copy !req
479. You don't have to do that.Copy !req
480. Of course not.
I don't have to do anything.Copy !req
481. Gina, I know it's early,Copy !req
482. but have you started writing
your acceptance speech for the Emmys?Copy !req
483. Oh, stop. I'll probably just repurpose
whatever I say at the SAG Awards.Copy !req
484. - Is that gonna read as cocky?Copy !req
485. Can you explain to your readers
that I'm being charmingly self-effacing?Copy !req
486. - Excuse me.
- Oh, hey, hot stuff! Whoa!Copy !req
487. Thanks.Copy !req
488. And, great job, by the way.
You're really good on the show.Copy !req
489. Yeah? No. Me? No. Yeah?Copy !req
490. Yeah! You're a good actor.
I never knew that about you.Copy !req
491. Well, I'll see you back on set, right?Copy !req
492. Did you hear we got picked up
for more episodes?Copy !req
493. I'm not going back.Copy !req
494. Oh. Well, then,
I guess I'll see you around.Copy !req
495. I hope so.Copy !req
496. I can't believe I finally got you
to leave a party early.Copy !req
497. Come on, you know I'd do anything for you.Copy !req
498. - Why? I'm such a disaster.
- You're not a disaster.Copy !req
499. You're Diane. You're amazing.Copy !req
500. Do you wanna come in?Copy !req