1. So I send in the form,
and if my mom wants to meet me too,Copy !req
2. - then we meet?
- Yeah.Copy !req
3. And if she doesn't want to meet me,Copy !req
4. then I get to feel that hot sting
of rejection all over again.Copy !req
5. What a fun adventure this all is.Copy !req
6. You know what is fun? You coming with me
to my first day on my new show.Copy !req
7. "BoJack Horseman
in F.H.B.A. Los Angeles,Copy !req
8. starring BoJack Horseman
as 'the Judge.'"Copy !req
9. What is F.H.B.A. ?Copy !req
10. I think it's one of those shows
about Navy sex crimes that have gone cold?Copy !req
11. And there may be numbers or something?
Then, they call "the Judge."Copy !req
12. I'm just excited to get out of the house.Copy !req
13. I've been getting really fidgety
cooped up on that hill.Copy !req
14. Like I got tiny little bumps
crawling aroundCopy !req
15. on the inside of my skin, you know?Copy !req
16. Totally. Look at this guy,
texting in the middle of the intersection.Copy !req
17. You have been judged
to be a shitty driver.Copy !req
18. I'm the Judge.
I sentence you to kiss my ass.Copy !req
19. Boom!Copy !req
20. You got "judged."Copy !req
21. It feels good
to be a dramatic actor again.Copy !req
22. To make someone laugh
is a craft, to be sure,Copy !req
23. but to make someone cry, on purpose,
that is a precious gift.Copy !req
24. Hey, I'm Miles, the production intern.
Can I get you anything? Water?Copy !req
25. That's so sweet of you.Copy !req
26. Actually, that's so his job of him.Copy !req
27. - Hey, PA, whose name I already forgot.
- It's Miles, and I'm an intern.Copy !req
28. Still not interested. Can you take
my daughter to "video village"?Copy !req
29. I wanna make sure she sees me
at my most awesome,Copy !req
30. which is with a slightly high angle
to avoid appearance of a double chin.Copy !req
31. Note to director.Copy !req
32. - Right this way.
- Okay.Copy !req
33. Quiet!Copy !req
34. - Rolling!Copy !req
35. Previously on F.H.B.A. Los Angeles...Copy !req
36. I may be a human rights lawyer,
but those skanks are human wrongs.Copy !req
37. I'll tell you the same thing
I tell kids in the cancer ward.Copy !req
38. I'm not here to make friends.Copy !req
39. I'm here to win and/or cure cancer.Copy !req
40. Tonight, the girls
return from Booty Boot CampCopy !req
41. and face new judge, BoJack Horseman.Copy !req
42. Will BoJack turn the other cheek,Copy !req
43. or is this the week
the booties hit the floor?Copy !req
44. This is Felicity Huffman's
Booty Academy: Los Angeles!Copy !req
45. Um... what's all this then?Copy !req
46. On Booty Academy,
we're here to find outCopy !req
47. who's got the right behind
and who's going to be left behind.Copy !req
48. BoJack, do you have anything
you'd like to say to the contestantsCopy !req
49. before we give our verdict?Copy !req
50. No, I'm good.Copy !req
51. Very well.
Calliope, you are "ready for this jelly."Copy !req
52. You can stay another week.Copy !req
53. Tasha, our 'anaconda don't want none."Copy !req
54. Cover up your bottom and go.Copy !req
55. No!Copy !req
56. Your booty's been adjudicated!Copy !req
57. This is bullshit!Copy !req
58. - Callin' my manager!
- Remind me what this show is?Copy !req
59. - I know, remind me?
my publicist!Copy !req
60. Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy.Copy !req
61. It was supposed to beCopy !req
62. Felicity Huffman's
Future Leaders of America,Copy !req
63. but it got retooled a little
by the network.Copy !req
64. So are we judging who has the best booty?Copy !req
65. Whoa, BoJack, no.
That is so degrading.Copy !req
66. So if it's not about their butts,
then why is the other judge Sir Mix-A-Lot?Copy !req
67. Because I'm an honest and impartial judge.Copy !req
68. And if there's one thing I'm famous for,
it's that I cannot lie.Copy !req
69. Yeah, I guess that would be the one thing.Copy !req
70. Hey, can we go home now?Copy !req
71. Being around all these skinny L.A. ladies
makes me feel like a blob.Copy !req
72. Well, I gotta shoot
for, like, ten more hours.Copy !req
73. Are you serious?Copy !req
74. Apparently, it takes three hours to set up
the "badonka-donka-dobstacle course."Copy !req
75. So making TV is like a full-time job?
Then why is it so bad?Copy !req
76. I just assumed people weren't trying.Copy !req
77. Uh, I don't mean to butt in here,
but shouldn't your daughter be in school?Copy !req
78. Shouldn't you be
"Sir Minding-Your-Own-Business-A-Lot"?Copy !req
79. I graduated early and took a gap year.Copy !req
80. My friend Maryssa is backpacking
through Europe,Copy !req
81. but lucky me, I get to hang out
in this butt-infested warehouse.Copy !req
82. Oh. All right.Copy !req
83. Someone better be checking
the pH levels of that JacuzziCopy !req
84. because these bitches are basic.Copy !req
85. Hey, you wanna explore the back lot?Copy !req
86. They got a whole area that was built
to look like downtown Toronto.Copy !req
87. That's where they shoot the stuff
set in New York.Copy !req
88. Are you allowed to just leave the set?Copy !req
89. What are they gonna do? Dock my pay?Copy !req
90. I'm an intern. They don't pay me.
I got all the power!Copy !req
91. Princess Carolyn,
you are going to love Stilton Acres.Copy !req
92. We have a sauna and a tennis court
and a giant hedge maze.Copy !req
93. And if you make it all the way through
the maze, you get some sugar water.Copy !req
94. And you're gonna love
the Feast of Saint Squeaky.Copy !req
95. It's the holiest of all mouse holidays.Copy !req
96. We prepare a feast of Swiss—Copy !req
97. Because it's the holiest of all cheeses?Copy !req
98. Because it was all our ancestors
could carryCopy !req
99. when they were trying to escape
for their lives.Copy !req
100. Oh— because it has holes!Copy !req
101. - That's very funny.
- Thanks.Copy !req
102. I really want you and my parents
to get along.Copy !req
103. They can be kind of a lot,
especially around the holidays.Copy !req
104. I'm sure I'm going to love them.Copy !req
105. And they're gonna love me.
I'm Princess Carolyn!Copy !req
106. I'm sure they will too.Copy !req
107. But let's wait
until after they love youCopy !req
108. to tell them about, you know, Philbert.Copy !req
109. Of course. But what about her?Copy !req
110. Don't worry. She's on her phone.Copy !req
111. Unless Ralph and Princess Carolyn's
secret baby starts to trend,Copy !req
112. she won't notice anything we do or say.Copy !req
113. - Stefani? Stefani?Copy !req
114. - Whoa.Copy !req
115. Katrina!
Just the person I wanted to talk to!Copy !req
116. - How's hotel life?
- Marvelous!Copy !req
117. Room service, tiny ketchup bottles,
handy list of cable channels.Copy !req
118. Now I know why so many people
like being homeless.Copy !req
119. - Mr. Peanutbutter, that's not—
- On the phone, darling.Copy !req
120. Well, I just found you
the perfect new campaign headquarters.Copy !req
121. I'm gonna sign the lease now,Copy !req
122. unless you think of a reason
I shouldn't.Copy !req
123. Nothing comes to mind.Copy !req
124. Great! It's done.
Now, what did you wanna talk to me about?Copy !req
125. - I'm dropping out of the race.
- What?Copy !req
126. Woodchuck's a better leader
than I'll ever be.Copy !req
127. This election is about bigger things
than just you and Woodchuck.Copy !req
128. What is it about then?Copy !req
129. It's about hope, and freedom,
and powerful lobbyistsCopy !req
130. who pay me to elect
a governor I can controlCopy !req
131. so we can get legislation passed
that allows them to build private prisonsCopy !req
132. on what are now protected wetlands.Copy !req
133. Well, hopefully those evil lobbyists
can find some other puppetCopy !req
134. to do their bidding.Copy !req
135. Why would you hope that?Copy !req
136. I'm done running for governor,
so you're fired.Copy !req
137. No hard feelings, right?Copy !req
138. You idiot. I will end you!Copy !req
139. - Bye, Cruella!Copy !req
140. Hello.
Stefani!Copy !req
141. - Hello.
- Oh, darling, you're home.Copy !req
142. - Nice to meet you.
- Princess Carolyn!Copy !req
143. - Hello.
- I'm Poppy! This is my wife, Mimi.Copy !req
144. And this is our son, Sissy.Copy !req
145. And this is my wife, Missy.Copy !req
146. And the boys,
Tweeds, Nantucket, and Loophole!Copy !req
147. Ugh.Copy !req
148. It's so wonderful to meet you all!Copy !req
149. - Can I get you a cocktail?
- Oh. No, thank you.Copy !req
150. - Wine?
- That's all right.Copy !req
151. I will consider it a personal affront
if you won't at least have a beer.Copy !req
152. - I shouldn't.
- What about a very caffeinated coffee?Copy !req
153. - No.
- Raw shellfish?Copy !req
154. - Not tonight.
- Cigarette?Copy !req
155. - I don't smoke.
- That's okay.Copy !req
156. You can just stand around me
while I smoke.Copy !req
157. No, I don't want to.Copy !req
158. Cocaine, then?Copy !req
159. I so appreciate that,
and I hate to be rude,Copy !req
160. but I really don't think it's a good idea.Copy !req
161. Would you like me to punch you
in the belly real quickCopy !req
162. so you remember
what it's like to be alive?Copy !req
163. That's a rich person thing.Copy !req
164. Oh, I know.
I grew up around rich people.Copy !req
165. But I'm actually good,
as far as belly-punchings go.Copy !req
166. Well, can I at least offer you a ride
on our private rollercoaster?Copy !req
167. Surely, there's no reason
you wouldn't want to do that.Copy !req
168. - So if you decline, I will be offended.
- Oh.Copy !req
169. Also, not that it's relevant,Copy !req
170. but the rollercoaster
is specifically discouragedCopy !req
171. for children under five
and pregnant women.Copy !req
172. But since you are neither of those,Copy !req
173. obviously, there's no reason
you will not want to rideCopy !req
174. on our family's really fun rollercoaster.Copy !req
175. - Okay, look, the truth is—
- Hey, Dad!Copy !req
176. Why don't you tell Princess Carolyn
one of your great golf stories?Copy !req
177. - Say, there's an idea.
- Yes!Copy !req
178. So here I am with a mashie
when what I need is a niblick.Copy !req
179. Wow, golf. Fore! Am I right?Copy !req
180. Yes, that's exactly right. Golf.Copy !req
181. Californians, this is an endorsement!Copy !req
182. My message is simple.Copy !req
183. If you want to vote Peanutbutter,
vote Coodchuck-BerkowitzCopy !req
184. because a vote for Coodchuck-Berkowitz
is a vote for Peanutbutter.Copy !req
185. Uh—Copy !req
186. Since Peanutbutter
likes Coodchuck-Berkowitz.Copy !req
187. So if you like Coodchuck-Berkowitz,
vote like Mr. Peanutbutter...Copy !req
188. - Excuse me—
- ... for Woodchuck Coodchuck-Berkowitz.Copy !req
189. So if we want to vote for Woodchuck,
we should vote for you?Copy !req
190. - No.
- Yes.Copy !req
191. - By voting for Woodchuck.
- Thank you, Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
192. I look forward to moving pastCopy !req
193. the political divisiveness
of this campaignCopy !req
194. and finally focusing on the issues.Copy !req
195. What's with the gorilla feet?Copy !req
196. As I've explained before,Copy !req
197. my hands were crushed
during the fracking incident.Copy !req
198. There were no hand transplants
readily available,Copy !req
199. but gorilla feet are somewhat hand-like.Copy !req
200. So I am using them temporarilyCopy !req
201. while my doctors
find me more suitable replacements.Copy !req
202. They sure made a monkey out of you, huh?Copy !req
203. - They did no such thing.Copy !req
204. Gorillas are apes.Copy !req
205. I feel that went pretty well.Copy !req
206. Yes, well, thank you
for dropping out of the race.Copy !req
207. Rest assured, under my stewardship,
the state will be in good—Copy !req
208. - You were gonna say "hands," weren't you?
- Ugh.Copy !req
209. So, what's next for us two amigos?Copy !req
210. Mr. Peanutbutter,
we don't need your help on the campaign.Copy !req
211. We are running virtually unopposed.
I think our team can handle it from here.Copy !req
212. Wha-wha-wha-what?Copy !req
213. The best way you can help us
is to go back to your regular lifeCopy !req
214. and stay out of politics forever.Copy !req
215. So this chapter of my life is over?
Doggy, doggy. What now?Copy !req
216. Coochy-coochy-coochy...Copy !req
217. Hey, Mom.
You got something in the mail.Copy !req
218. Have I received
any gentleman callers today?Copy !req
219. I'm expecting a visit
from Corbin Creamerman.Copy !req
220. You know what? I'll check.Copy !req
221. You could learn a thing or two
from him, Henrietta!Copy !req
222. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
223. - Hey, where have you been?
- I'll make coffee.Copy !req
224. Oh, uh...Copy !req
225. well, Miles actually took me
to check out UCLA.Copy !req
226. He took me to a party,
and I got to sleep in a dorm room, and...Copy !req
227. Wow, look at the time.
That's enough questioning of me,Copy !req
228. and where I've been,
and what I've been doing. See ya later!Copy !req
229. Hold up.
Did you and that PA hook up last night?Copy !req
230. BoJack! We didn't just hook up.Copy !req
231. Miles is a really interesting soul,Copy !req
232. - and I feel like we connected.
- Oh, boy. Okay. Sit down.Copy !req
233. Hollyhock, you are never gonna hear
from that guy again.Copy !req
234. Okay, actually, I am,Copy !req
235. because when I left his dorm
he said he would,Copy !req
236. and I quote, "Definitely text me."Copy !req
237. Oh, wow, I didn't realize.Copy !req
238. Should we plan the wedding for youCopy !req
239. and teenage-boy-you-slept-with
who-said-he-would-definitely-text-you"?Copy !req
240. Very funny.Copy !req
241. Believe me, I take no pleasure
in telling you this,Copy !req
242. - but that kid is never, ever, ever—Copy !req
243. - Ooh! BoJack—
- Hollyhock, it is very rude to interrupt.Copy !req
244. Now, where was I?Copy !req
245. Right. You'll never ever
hear from this guy again.Copy !req
246. - But, I—
- Ba-ba-ba!Copy !req
247. In fact, if he texts you,
I will do a hundred pushups.Copy !req
248. That's how sure I am,
since there is no possible way—Copy !req
249. "Had a great time last night. Kilometers."Copy !req
250. "Kilometers"?Copy !req
251. It's an inside joke between me and Miles.Copy !req
252. Not inside enough.
I figured it out and it's dumb.Copy !req
253. - He wants to take me to a party tonight.Copy !req
254. - Shouldn't you be doing pushups?Copy !req
255. Nope, can't. Impossible.Copy !req
256. Anyone who says
they did a pushup is lying.Copy !req
257. - That him canceling? Classic move.Copy !req
258. No, he wants to spend the day together.Copy !req
259. Oh. Well, you wanna
have breakfast first?Copy !req
260. I got a box of crullers,
of which one remains.Copy !req
261. Nah, I'm good with this coffee.Copy !req
262. I'll be home for dinner, though. Bye!Copy !req
263. Okay.Copy !req
264. Forty-six, 47...Copy !req
265. - Ah! I could do this all day.Copy !req
266. We have gathered in Todd's new apartment
to discuss the future of PB Livin'.Copy !req
267. You told me this was an interventionCopy !req
268. to get Todd to stop coming up
with awful ideas.Copy !req
269. That was a pretense
to get you to show up.Copy !req
270. - What?
- It was Todd's idea.Copy !req
271. What else you got, Todd?Copy !req
272. Well, I got this one thing.
I don't know. It might be pretty dumb.Copy !req
273. - You bite your tongue.
- Yes, bite it all the way off!Copy !req
274. All your ideas are beyond terrible.Copy !req
275. Well, in that case, I guess I must have
"terrible" business instincts.Copy !req
276. - You do!
- Because I wanna hear it.Copy !req
277. They say "the devil's in the details,"
so let's summon the devil!Copy !req
278. Okay, so you know how hard it isCopy !req
279. - to get your kids to go to the dentist?
- I don't.Copy !req
280. But what if dentists
had a friendlier face?Copy !req
281. Ooh!Copy !req
282. What if you could take your kids
to a dentist's officeCopy !req
283. where all the dentists were clowns?Copy !req
284. - What?
- Kids love clowns!Copy !req
285. - Do kids love clowns?
- Actually—Copy !req
286. Don't they?
Who else would clowns be for?Copy !req
287. Because adults don't love clowns.Copy !req
288. That is true.
Adults find clowns creepy and off-putting.Copy !req
289. So kids must love clowns,Copy !req
290. because otherwise,
why would there be clowns?Copy !req
291. That is sound logic. Okay.Copy !req
292. I want these clown dentists
laughing maniacallyCopy !req
293. as they drill into the teeth
of America's children, starting yesterday!Copy !req
294. As someone who does have children,
I have to say,Copy !req
295. a lot of kids
are actually terrified of clowns!Copy !req
296. Are they? Hm.Copy !req
297. That would have been helpful information
before I committed.Copy !req
298. But my word is my bond
and I already said yes, didn't I?Copy !req
299. Okay, so do we find dentists
and train them to be clowns,Copy !req
300. or do we get clowns
and train them to be dentists?Copy !req
301. Why don't we get clowns and dentists
and they can train each other?Copy !req
302. Oh, somebody call the police department,
because you are on fire!Copy !req
303. Aw, jeez.Copy !req
304. And without missing a beat, I say,Copy !req
305. "Well, when life gives you lemons,
make an Arnold Palmer."Copy !req
306. It's been so wonderful getting
to know you all these last few days.Copy !req
307. We're so happy to have you.
Now, let the festivities begin.Copy !req
308. - Sissy, hand out those cat ears.
- Cat ears?Copy !req
309. - And this is for you.
- I want those.Copy !req
310. See, the feast is about rememberingCopy !req
311. the ancient tale of a heroic mouse
named Squeaky.Copy !req
312. And we always start by wearing cat ears
and singing the song of Squeaky's enemy,Copy !req
313. the cat tyrant, King Pusspuss.Copy !req
314. Looks like Princess Carolyn
won't need any cat ears to look evil.Copy !req
315. Okay, that's actually a stereotype.
Cats do take baths.Copy !req
316. Darling, licking yourself
does not qualify.Copy !req
317. - Aw, come on, it was funny.Copy !req
318. Oh! Right in the cat gut!Copy !req
319. Hooray!Copy !req
320. Sorry, it gets a little graphic.Copy !req
321. I really wish you'd told me
your family's holiday was so anti-cat.Copy !req
322. It's just an old story about one bad cat.
It's not about every cat.Copy !req
323. - Death to all cats!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
324. All right!
- I forgot about that part.Copy !req
325. It's kinda like church.Copy !req
326. You say the words so many times,
you forget what they mean.Copy !req
327. Oh-hh...Copy !req
328. Agh!
- Hello, Hollyhock.Copy !req
329. Oh, come on. Wait there.
There's a spare bulb in the kitchen.Copy !req
330. I've been sitting in that chair
for five hours waiting to do this.Copy !req
331. - Agh, damn it! Son-of-a—! What?Copy !req
332. - Hello, Hollyhock.
- What are you trying to do?Copy !req
333. I'm trying to keep you out of trouble
with a showman's flair for the dramatic.Copy !req
334. I texted you I was gonna be home late.Copy !req
335. You don't tell me when
you're home late.Copy !req
336. This is my house.
You need to ask permission.Copy !req
337. - What? You're not my dads.
- I'm just looking out for you.Copy !req
338. You spent four days
with this kid, I'm worried—Copy !req
339. There's nothing to worry about!
We like each other.Copy !req
340. Yeah, now. But come on, Hollyhock.Copy !req
341. He's a teenage boyCopy !req
342. whose job is to be around hot women
in skimpy outfits all day.Copy !req
343. You think he's gonna want—Copy !req
344. What?Copy !req
345. No, I just mean that...Copy !req
346. What, you think
I'm not attractive enough for him?Copy !req
347. Well, you're the one
who said you were a blob.Copy !req
348. - Do you think I'm a blob?
- No.Copy !req
349. What kind of person
calls his own daughter a blob?Copy !req
350. - You said "blob."
- I said I "felt" like a blob.Copy !req
351. Do you think I'm a blob?Copy !req
352. I just—Copy !req
353. I just think L.A. is a superficial town
and you need to be careful.Copy !req
354. Well, Miles likes me just the way I am.Copy !req
355. And that's the kind of person
that I want to spend my time with.Copy !req
356. Hollyhock, wait. Wait. Wait!Copy !req
357. I get it! It's my weight!Copy !req
358. Yeah... I'm sorry about all that.Copy !req
359. Why didn't you tell me they hate cats?Copy !req
360. They don't hate cats.Copy !req
361. Now I get why you didn't want
to tell your family about the baby.Copy !req
362. Okay, I was a little nervous.
But they'll come around.Copy !req
363. Besides, what am I supposed to do?
They're my family.Copy !req
364. - And what are me and Philbert?
Oh...Copy !req
365. Can't believe she's still pissed.Copy !req
366. You shouldn't have called her a "blob."Copy !req
367. I'm a blob too! We're both blobs!Copy !req
368. How about just as a general rule,
don't ever call a woman a blob?Copy !req
369. Never! What if I meet a woman
whose name is Barbara Lob?Copy !req
370. And I call her "B" for short. "B. Lob."Copy !req
371. Maybe instead of figuring out
the woman blob workaround,Copy !req
372. you should just tell Hollyhock
you're sorry.Copy !req
373. I still think Miles is up to something.Copy !req
374. Why is it so hard for you to believeCopy !req
375. someone could genuinely
like your daughter?Copy !req
376. Because she's like me!Copy !req
377. Okay. Do you think maybe this could be
more about you than it is about her?Copy !req
378. Yes, obviously, I have a lot of work
to do on myself. Everyone knows that.Copy !req
379. But the important thing right now
is how I can fix things with Hollyhock.Copy !req
380. Try to stay on topic, Diane.Copy !req
381. Well, an open conversation
about your concerns with—Copy !req
382. No, that's too Diane-y.
She'd never buy it was coming from me.Copy !req
383. Then why do you want my advice?Copy !req
384. I got it. If I can somehow prove to her
what a jerk Miles is,Copy !req
385. then she'll have to like me more
by default.Copy !req
386. That's the BoJack way.Copy !req
387. BoJack, no—!
Oh— oh...Copy !req
388. Ooh, that's... that's nice.Copy !req
389. Goldie, how would you like
to advance to the final round?Copy !req
390. I would do anything, and I mean, anything.Copy !req
391. - So I did it. I had sex with the PA.
- You had sex with him?Copy !req
392. That's what you wanted, right?Copy !req
393. I just said "seduce" the PA.Copy !req
394. Doesn't that mean have sex with him?Copy !req
395. No, I just wanted you to,
like, get him all hot and bothered.Copy !req
396. - Eh...?
- And ready to sleep with you.Copy !req
397. Then once you get him on audiotapeCopy !req
398. - saying that he would sleep with you...
- What?Copy !req
399. come up with some excuse to get
out of there with virtue intact.Copy !req
400. That's a lot of specifics
you just assumed I would know.Copy !req
401. Okay, well, the important thing is,
we got him now.Copy !req
402. Tell Miles what you told me.Copy !req
403. - I had sex with the PA.
- What PA?Copy !req
404. I think his name was "Eggberg"?Copy !req
405. - What? Not him?
- That's the intern.Copy !req
406. - You said "PA."
- Did you think I was a PA? Nice!Copy !req
407. Why'd you want her to sleep with me?Copy !req
408. Not sleep with.Copy !req
409. You told a contestant
you would advance her to the final roundCopy !req
410. if she slept with a PA?Copy !req
411. I said "seduce." There is a distinction.Copy !req
412. We make a show about empowering women
and lifting them up,Copy !req
413. and you cheapen it
with this coarse vulgarity.Copy !req
414. I cannot lie. You disgust me.Copy !req
415. This was all a big misunderstanding.Copy !req
416. Cover up your bottom and go, BoJack.Copy !req
417. You're not fit to judge
anyone's character, or their booties.Copy !req
418. So it is about judging booties.Copy !req
419. - Hey, BoJack.
- Miles.Copy !req
420. Don't want me dating your daughter,
you could have told me.Copy !req
421. I'm sorry.Copy !req
422. Maybe we could've worked out
some sort of deal.Copy !req
423. What do you mean?Copy !req
424. All right, so I got this screenplay,
and I think it's a really fresh area.Copy !req
425. It's about a production intern
who wants to be a writer.Copy !req
426. Oh, wow.Copy !req
427. I think it could go somewhere
if it got in front of the right person.Copy !req
428. So if you have like an agent
or a manager you could give it to,Copy !req
429. that would be awesome,
and I would never talk to Hollyhock again.Copy !req
430. I promise.Copy !req
431. So you were right. He was a dirtbag.Copy !req
432. Yeah. I was kinda hoping
I was wrong for once.Copy !req
433. If it makes you feel any better,Copy !req
434. you were wrong
about all the other parts of this.Copy !req
435. Diane, you are so bad
at making people feel better.Copy !req
436. Are you gonna tell Hollyhock?Copy !req
437. She's a smart girl.
She'll figure it out eventually.Copy !req
438. But for now, if she believes someone
can love her for who she really is,Copy !req
439. then why would I take that
away from her?Copy !req
440. BoJack, you gotta get
one of these massages.Copy !req
441. - Oh-hh!
- Okay.Copy !req
442. Goodbye, darling.
It was good seeing you.Copy !req
443. - It was so much fun seeing you both.
- Thank you for hosting us.Copy !req
444. It was so nice to get away for the weekCopy !req
445. and learn all about
your charming little traditionsCopy !req
446. that didn't freak me out at all. Bye-bye!Copy !req
447. Did our little city mouse
have a nice time in the country?Copy !req
448. Everything was wonderful.Copy !req
449. And your little companion was darling—
for a week.Copy !req
450. But I do hope the next one you bring home
knows how to appreciateCopy !req
451. a good Feast of Saint Squeaky.Copy !req
452. Well, for your information,Copy !req
453. there's not gonna be a "next one,"
because...Copy !req
454. I love Princess Carolyn and we're having
a baby and I couldn't be happier!Copy !req
455. Oh, my God.Copy !req
456. Oh, Mr. Peanutbutter, I am so relaxed.Copy !req
457. I didn't realize
how much tension I'd built up in my—Copy !req
458. Oh, my God! Um...Copy !req
459. Mr. Peanutbutter, why is our hotel room
filled with dentist clowns?Copy !req
460. Don't be ridiculous, Diane.Copy !req
461. They're not all dentist clowns.Copy !req
462. Half of them are clown dentists.Copy !req
463. Just try to ignore them
and go about your business.Copy !req
464. - Okay.
- So, this is the incisor.Copy !req
465. Doc, if this is what's incisor,Copy !req
466. I'd hate to see what's outsides 'er.
Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!Copy !req
467. - Please try to focus, Dr. Boing-Boing.Copy !req
468. Ugh!Copy !req
469. [Tom Jumbo-Grumbo] With former rival
Mr. Peanutbutter's support,Copy !req
470. just yesterday,
Woodchuck Coodchuck-BerkowitzCopy !req
471. seemed to be unbeatable,Copy !req
472. but as a new candidate enters the race,
is Woodchuck also "unbeata-Biel"?Copy !req
473. "UnbeataBiel"?Copy !req
474. Randy, you wily son of a—
I've missed you, buddy! Bring it in!Copy !req
475. "UnbeataBiel"?Copy !req
476. I'm tired of these politicians
who are all talk.Copy !req
477. California needs a leader
who excels in both comedy and dramaCopy !req
478. and who is beautiful
in an approachable girl-next-door way,Copy !req
479. and who will get all the criminals
off the streetCopy !req
480. while simultaneously finding a use
for our wetlands.Copy !req
481. That's why I'm running for governor.Copy !req
482. A candidate you can Jessica-lieve in.Copy !req
483. What the—?Copy !req
484. Let's do it together! I'm with me!Copy !req
485. Oh-hh! Katrina.Copy !req
486. - Gadzooks!
- Not now, Professor Flim-Flam!Copy !req
487. Of course,
Katrina would latch onto JessicaCopy !req
488. as the beautiful face
of her dangerous agenda.Copy !req
489. Well, there's no way
they could beat Woodchuck, right?Copy !req
490. No? Because I almost beat himCopy !req
491. and I don't even know
what a governor does.Copy !req
492. That's true.
Mr. Peanutbutter, you've got to help.Copy !req
493. Woodchuck has no idea
what he's up against.Copy !req
494. You're right! But are we sure
this is the right thing for us?Copy !req
495. If I jump right back into politics,
that's not gonna give me a lot of timeCopy !req
496. to focus on our burgeoning
clown dentistry business.Copy !req
497. Then it is definitely
the right thing for us.Copy !req
498. This is an abomination.Copy !req
499. It's only till the doctors
find better ones.Copy !req
500. They're not even hands!Copy !req
501. Well, they're better than feet,
aren't they?Copy !req
502. - What the—?Copy !req
503. - I'm Dr. Boing-Boing!Copy !req
504. And I am Dr. Jennifer Picarello, D.D.S.Copy !req
505. We come with a message
from Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
506. You can tell Mr. Peanutbutter I don't—Copy !req
507. - Ha! Woodchuck!
- What do you want?Copy !req
508. You need me, Woodchuck!Copy !req
509. You've got brain smarts,
but your sober-minded policy speechesCopy !req
510. are no match for the glitz and pizzazz
of a Hollywoo starlet.Copy !req
511. Even a relatively low-wattage one
like Jessica Biel.Copy !req
512. He's right. California loves making
movie stars governors.Copy !req
513. I was married to both Jessica and Katrina.Copy !req
514. I know them inside and out.Copy !req
515. And I'm not speaking in a sexual way,
although it is also true in a sexual way.Copy !req
516. - You gotta let me join the campaign!
- [groans, sighs]Copy !req
517. - All right.
- Great! There's no time to lose.Copy !req
518. Quick! Get in Dr. Boing-Boing's
dream-powered smile-mobile!Copy !req
519. It's been four seconds
and I already deeply regret this.Copy !req
520. - Hey.
- Hey, yourself.Copy !req
521. - I'm sorry I was an asshole.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
522. - What are you doing?
- Seeing how fast I can change channels.Copy !req
523. Also, I found all the loose change
in the houseCopy !req
524. and I put it in alphabetical order
by year.Copy !req
525. Do you really think a guy like Miles
couldn't ever really like a girl like me?Copy !req
526. No.Copy !req
527. I was just jealous because you were
spending a lot of time with him.Copy !req
528. He hasn't texted me all day today.Copy !req
529. I've been trying to distract myself.Copy !req
530. Forget him. You're gonna meet lots of guys
who will fall madly in love with you.Copy !req
531. I might have scared him off. I don't know.Copy !req
532. Do you ever get that feeling that like,
to know you more is to love you less?Copy !req
533. Hollyhock, you are an amazing woman
and you should never settle for someoneCopy !req
534. who only loves the idea of you.Copy !req
535. You are funny, and you're kind,
and you're clever.Copy !req
536. Am I also pretty?Copy !req
537. I— come on.
What do you want me to say?Copy !req
538. Obviously, I think you're beautiful.Copy !req
539. Well, you don't have to go overboard.Copy !req
540. Hey, I got an idea.Copy !req
541. Why don't we go get some Cold Stone?
That'll take your mind off Miles.Copy !req
542. Plus, I'll let you drive the Tesla!Copy !req
543. Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood
for ice cream.Copy !req
544. Well, then, forget that.
Let's get a pizza.Copy !req
545. - I'm actually not hungry.
- Oh.Copy !req