1. Piece of shit.
Stupid piece of shit.Copy !req
2. You're a real stupid piece of shit.
But I know I'm a piece of shit.Copy !req
3. That makes me better
than all the pieces of shitCopy !req
4. who don't know they're pieces of shit.Copy !req
5. Or is it worse? Breakfast.Copy !req
6. Oh, I don't deserve breakfast. Shut up.Copy !req
7. Don't feel sorry for yourself.
Get breakfast, you stupid fat-ass.Copy !req
8. These are cookies. This is not breakfast.Copy !req
9. You are eating cookies. Stop it.Copy !req
10. Stop eating cookies,
go make yourself breakfast.Copy !req
11. Stop it. Don't eat one more cookie.Copy !req
12. Put that down. Do not eat that cookie.Copy !req
13. I can't believe you ate that cookie.Copy !req
14. - Hey, BoJack, we need milk.
- For the baby.Copy !req
15. - For the what?
- Where is the baby? I saw...Copy !req
16. - Can I borrow your car?
- What baby?Copy !req
17. I don't know.
Tina's gonna make breakfast.Copy !req
18. She needs milk.
Can I take the car or what?Copy !req
19. Shit.
I don't want her driving my car,Copy !req
20. getting her grubby hands all over.Copy !req
21. She's not grubby, she's your daughter,
you piece of garbage.Copy !req
22. You're a piece of garbage,
a real shitty piece of garbage.Copy !req
23. Uh...Copy !req
24. Think, idiot. If she takes the car,
you're trapped here with MomCopy !req
25. and her spooky lazy eyes.Copy !req
26. If you get the milk
and leave Hollyhock with Mom,Copy !req
27. she could tell things about you,Copy !req
28. poison your daughter against you,
that what you want?Copy !req
29. Okay, how about, um... Hold on.Copy !req
30. They're looking.
Say something!Copy !req
31. Open your idiot dumb mouth!Copy !req
32. I will get milk.Copy !req
33. Milk, milk.
What are they talking about now?Copy !req
34. Probably you and what a dumb piece
of trash you are, you fat sack of idiot.Copy !req
35. Why not do the world a favor
and swerve into oncoming traffic?Copy !req
36. No, you don't deserve to die young,
only the greats die young.Copy !req
37. Oh, now you think you're young
all of a sudden?Copy !req
38. One drink.Copy !req
39. Whoa. Is it night suddenly?Copy !req
40. Suddenly sundown.Copy !req
41. Suddenly "Sooze-town."Copy !req
42. What was that show?
"Suddenly Sooze-town?"Copy !req
43. Brooke Shields... something?Copy !req
44. Show was on for five years and now
nobody— Oh, my God, is that life?Copy !req
45. You're there, you do your thing,
and then people forget.Copy !req
46. "Forget it, Jake. It's Sooze-town."Copy !req
47. Is that me?
Am I the Suddenly Sooze-town of people?Copy !req
48. Shit.Copy !req
49. Oh, shit. You gotta drive.
Sober up, buddy.Copy !req
50. Here we go, sober... now!Copy !req
51. Sober, now!Copy !req
52. Come on, you drunk piece of shit,
be less drunk.Copy !req
53. Now! Okay.Copy !req
54. Idiot. What'd you do all day?
Piece of shit.Copy !req
55. That's a day you'll never get back.
What was that? You're a real piece of—Copy !req
56. - Where have you been?
- Uh...Copy !req
57. Did you get the milk?Copy !req
58. Uh...Copy !req
59. Stupid piece of shit.Copy !req
60. Oh, God.Copy !req
61. If you're looking for the milk
Tina ended up getting,Copy !req
62. Tina is using it to make us all breakfast.Copy !req
63. Well, it's about time someone
pulls their weight around here.Copy !req
64. Henrietta, you should make
a healthy breakfast.Copy !req
65. - Okay, that's enough from you.
- For the baby.Copy !req
66. No one loves a Fatty Patty.Copy !req
67. Uh-oh.Copy !req
68. Is my house
on a slant or something?Copy !req
69. - This wall needs to be painted.
- I'm gonna go.Copy !req
70. You don't want to stick around,
eat breakfast together?Copy !req
71. Great pitch, love your energy.
It's a pass.Copy !req
72. What are you doing?
Go home.Copy !req
73. You're parked on Mulholland doing nothing,
you could be eating breakfastCopy !req
74. with your long-lost daughter
and dying mother.Copy !req
75. You are a terrible person.Copy !req
76. Use the shoulder, asshole!Copy !req
77. He gets it.Copy !req
78. I know,
I wanted to tell you right away.Copy !req
79. - Right this way.
- Oh, I gotta go. See you tonight.Copy !req
80. If it isn't my favorite client,
Courtney Portnoy,Copy !req
81. and also another client, Todd.Copy !req
82. It's always nice to be included
in a sentence someone says.Copy !req
83. So bad news first: Ms. Taken
was a miserable failure.Copy !req
84. - Princess Carolyn—
- But Courtney, more importantly,Copy !req
85. audiences are going to adore
your tour de force performanceCopy !req
86. as the forceful denim-clad court reporter
in The Court Reporter Sported Jorts,Copy !req
87. the jet-setting jort-sporting
court reporter story.Copy !req
88. Yes, the film is spectacularly romantic
and well-titled,Copy !req
89. but I need a change in representation.Copy !req
90. No! Courtney! Before you fire me—Copy !req
91. I'm not gonna fire you.
Heavens, no! I fired my agents.Copy !req
92. Oh, good. Yeah, agents are replaceable.Copy !req
93. A manager is forever.
That's the takeaway here.Copy !req
94. I think you'll fall in love
with my new agent.Copy !req
95. - Love her already. Who is she?
- He.Copy !req
96. Yes, he, he, ha, ha.Copy !req
97. - Now tell me her name.
- Rutabaga Rabitowitz.Copy !req
98. Oh, fish.Copy !req
99. We got a nice bounce
off of Court's engagement.Copy !req
100. "Court" is what I'm calling Courtney
for wordplay-related reasonsCopy !req
101. that'll become apparent
at the end of this sentence,Copy !req
102. but that bounce has lost its pounce,Copy !req
103. and if we want to keep
this name in the news,Copy !req
104. we're going to need a full- court press.Copy !req
105. So what do you do after an engagement?Copy !req
106. D-d-d-doy!
Wedding of the century.Copy !req
107. Whoa!Copy !req
108. We're talking floral arrangements.
We're talking procession of elephants.Copy !req
109. We're talking Jaden Smith
in a Clockwork Orange costume,Copy !req
110. reading a poem he wrote...Copy !req
111. Does that poem rhyme? No!
What are you, crazy? Of course it doesn't.Copy !req
112. And, uh-oh, was someone looking
for Sebastian Janikowski,Copy !req
113. because here's the kicker—Copy !req
114. we do the whole thing the weekend
before the movie drops. Bam!Copy !req
115. - Weekend before the movie drops?
- Boom!Copy !req
116. - That's this weekend.
- Ka-zow!Copy !req
117. - Four days from today.
- Ooh.Copy !req
118. Today? That's today!Copy !req
119. Which is why it's so perfect.
No notice is the new notice.Copy !req
120. This wedding is so fancy
we don't care if you have other plans.Copy !req
121. - Total status move.
- You're right.Copy !req
122. Being engaged is one thing,Copy !req
123. but I'm not sure
I want to actually get married.Copy !req
124. We can draw up a standard
Hollywoo sham-marriage contract:Copy !req
125. - three years, non-exclusive, huge payday.
- Oh.Copy !req
126. And I presume
you'll be arranging everything.Copy !req
127. As Courtney's agent I'm happy to help,
but I believe traditionallyCopy !req
128. it's the bride's manager
who plans the wedding.Copy !req
129. Okay.Copy !req
130. Idiot. Stupid animal. Oaf.Copy !req
131. You are just the prettiest thing.Copy !req
132. - Yes, you are.
- Who are you talking to?Copy !req
133. Keep it down, oaf.
You'll make the baby cry.Copy !req
134. - Baby?
- Yes, you are.Copy !req
135. She kept asking where the baby was,
so I had Tina get her this doll.Copy !req
136. - She's totes into it.
- Mom is "totes" into a baby?Copy !req
137. Is it possible the baby
got dipped in brandy at some point?Copy !req
138. Or cigarettes, or regressive ideas
about immigrants?Copy !req
139. - I think she just wanted a baby.
- Coochie-coochie-coo...Copy !req
140. You shouldn't indulge her delusions.
It's not right.Copy !req
141. But she seemed really down.
And you're never around anymore.Copy !req
142. It was getting depressing to look at her.Copy !req
143. That's why I made her this pillowcase.Copy !req
144. You just put this over her head
and everything is fine.Copy !req
145. Dark in here.Copy !req
146. Hello?Copy !req
147. So they're airing an F.H.B.A. Miami
marathon this weekend.Copy !req
148. Does anyone want to come over?Copy !req
149. Oh, I actually have a big announcement.Copy !req
150. I'm marrying Courtney Portnoy
this weekend.Copy !req
151. - Wow! Great, Todd. Good for you.
- That's amazing.Copy !req
152. I know it's pretty wild for an asexual
to get married, but...Copy !req
153. Not really. John and I are aces
and we're married.Copy !req
154. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
155. Our wedding was nautical-themed.Copy !req
156. Why nautical?
Is that, like, an asexual thing?Copy !req
157. No, man. We just really like boats.Copy !req
158. Asexual just means
you're not interested in sex.Copy !req
159. Some asexuals are also a-romantic,Copy !req
160. but others have relationships
like anyone else.Copy !req
161. But involving boats?Copy !req
162. I feel like you're getting really hung up
on the boats thing.Copy !req
163. So, it's not weird
for an ace to get married?Copy !req
164. No, if you found someone who really
accepts you for who you are, go for it.Copy !req
165. I will! I mean, I am. I mean, am I?Copy !req
166. Mmm! Beatrice, this coffee is amazing.Copy !req
167. You stupid garbage fire.
Everything sucks.Copy !req
168. BoJack, did you see
what your mother is doing?Copy !req
169. Isn't it incredible?Copy !req
170. Yeah, making breakfast
at three in the afternoon. So with it.Copy !req
171. Isn't this baby well-behaved?
Hardly ever cries.Copy !req
172. Probably because you're such
a good mother, Beatrice.Copy !req
173. Don't say that.Copy !req
174. I was very nervous
to have a baby in the house,Copy !req
175. but it turns out,
all it needed is a mother's love.Copy !req
176. Oh, when you grow up,
you can be anything you want to be.Copy !req
177. Lousy baby.
What did it ever do that was so great?Copy !req
178. Am I jealous of a doll?Copy !req
179. Maybe if that doll wasn't so smug,
looking at me with its creepy doll eyes...Copy !req
180. She's tricking you, Hollyhock.Copy !req
181. - This is not what she's really like.
- Who cares?Copy !req
182. Whatever beef you have with your mom,
that's just a sweet confused old lady.Copy !req
183. - She's right.
- Wrong. She's in there.Copy !req
184. - She knows exactly what she's doing.
- You are so paranoid.Copy !req
185. Please stop fighting.
All this shouting is bad for the baby.Copy !req
186. Where was that keen parenting insight
50 years ago?Copy !req
187. Henrietta,
you're unfit to be a parent.Copy !req
188. - I'm unfit?
- It's true, jackass.Copy !req
189. You think it's so hard
to be a parent to a doll? I could do that.Copy !req
190. Hey, look, I'm cradling the baby.
Hope I don't drop it!Copy !req
191. Oh, no! I dropped it, but it's not crying.Copy !req
192. Guess it's okay. I'm an amazing parent.Copy !req
193. What if I left it in its room all day
and didn't feed it or change it?Copy !req
194. Oh, that's okay, too.
I must be mother of the year!Copy !req
195. - BoJack.
- I know! What if for 18 years straightCopy !req
196. I just tell it how worthless it is
every day, how it embarrasses me,Copy !req
197. how my life would be better
if it was never born?Copy !req
198. Would that be a good idea?
Probably, right?Copy !req
199. Give me the baby back, you worthless waste
of my husband's jism!Copy !req
200. - Oh, so you do know who I am.
- Govern yourself, Henrietta.Copy !req
201. Hey, you think the baby would be okay
if I threw it over the side of my deck?Copy !req
202. Probably, right?Copy !req
203. BoJack, don't.Copy !req
204. Do it.Copy !req
205. Nah, I'm just kidding around.
Here you go, Mom.Copy !req
206. Oh, no! My hands are so slippery!Copy !req
207. Oh, no! Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
208. No!Copy !req
209. Nice arm.Copy !req
210. Why did you do that?Copy !req
211. You goddamn piece of shit idiot asshole.Copy !req
212. This is what you do.
This is what you always do.Copy !req
213. This is why Mom loves Doll more than you.
She's right. Doll never hurt anybody.Copy !req
214. Doll wouldn't throw you
over the side of a mountain.Copy !req
215. Gotta make things right.
Gotta get Doll back.Copy !req
216. Okay, one drink. And then, Doll back.Copy !req
217. You screw-up.
You're making your daughter hate you.Copy !req
218. Which is good, because look what happens
when people love you.Copy !req
219. Look at Penny. And Herb. And Sarah Lynn.Copy !req
220. It's because you made them love you,
BoJack.Copy !req
221. You gotta fix this, dummy.
How can you fix this?Copy !req
222. Princess Carolyn?
She hates your guts.Copy !req
223. Todd? No.
Diane? Yes! Oh, good.Copy !req
224. Good old responsible Diane,
she'll know what to do.Copy !req
225. Oh... aah...Copy !req
226. Oh.Copy !req
227. "California can't wait."Copy !req
228. Am I Ace of Base right now?Copy !req
229. Because all that I want
is another one of these babies.Copy !req
230. BoJack Horseman?Copy !req
231. What is this, a will.I.am-style
celebrity endorsement video?Copy !req
232. - Where's Diane?
- Oh, she's on the roof.Copy !req
233. Boy, will she be surprised
to see you. Diane!Copy !req
234. What are you doing?Copy !req
235. No, not like this.
She doesn't know I'm here.Copy !req
236. First time she sees me
can't be drunk asking for help.Copy !req
237. - What's wrong? You need help?
- Idiot.Copy !req
238. You gotta get me outta here.
Where did I park?Copy !req
239. - Um...
- Beep. Beep, beep?Copy !req
240. You shouldn't be driving right now.Copy !req
241. Why don't I make like Eddie Money
and take you home tonight?Copy !req
242. No, I can't go home. Not without Doll.Copy !req
243. Also, Eddie Money doesn't do
the taking home in "Take Me Home Tonight,"Copy !req
244. so if you're taking me home,
then I would be Eddie Money.Copy !req
245. Okay, something's going on with you.Copy !req
246. - It's not like you to be so testy.
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
247. Everyone, take the rest of the day off.Copy !req
248. My pal BoJack needs a friend day.
California can wait!Copy !req
249. Elton, you have to play this wedding.Copy !req
250. We want one of those Stranger Things
kids to be the ring-bearer.Copy !req
251. They're still little?Copy !req
252. You're gonna do a duet
with a hologram of Nat King Cole.Copy !req
253. Or, if that's cost-prohibitive,
Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes.Copy !req
254. Puberty?
Can we give them something for that?Copy !req
255. - Great.
- Fabulous.Copy !req
256. We are killing this.Copy !req
257. We are doing to this wedding
what Rob Durst did to that ladyCopy !req
258. and what Fred Durst did to his career.Copy !req
259. I have terrible news. It's Meryl Streep.Copy !req
260. Did Meryl Streep die?Copy !req
261. No, she's retiring.Copy !req
262. Mr. McGregor!Copy !req
263. You cannot just walk into a room and say,
"I have terrible news about Meryl Streep."Copy !req
264. Her retirement party
is scheduled for this Saturday.Copy !req
265. All of Hollywoo will be attending.Copy !req
266. This Saturday? No, no, no!Copy !req
267. How is #TortneyChortnoy
supposed to compete with that?Copy !req
268. We're toast.Copy !req
269. Unless, uh, we could somehow get Meryl
to postpone her party?Copy !req
270. Hmm... what if we put together
a project so enticingCopy !req
271. she couldn't help but climb aboard?Copy !req
272. - One more gig...
- Means no more retirement.Copy !req
273. But what could we possibly offer her
that she hasn't already done?Copy !req
274. - Ah. What does every actor want to do?
- Direct.Copy !req
275. - Direct!
- Yeah.Copy !req
276. But the dream of any director
is to work with Meryl Streep.Copy !req
277. You think Meryl wants to direct
a bunch of actors who aren't Meryl Streep?Copy !req
278. - Hah! What a nightmare!
- Okay, all right. Okay, fine.Copy !req
279. But, okay, okay, and this...Copy !req
280. What if all the actors in the movie
were Meryl Streep?Copy !req
281. - What? No!
- Are you suggesting some sort ofCopy !req
282. Nutty Professor II: The Klumps
type situationCopy !req
283. where Meryl Streep plays every role?Copy !req
284. Bingo-bongo, weirdo-beardo.
All the greats have done it.Copy !req
285. Peter Sellers, Sir Alec Guinness,
Flo from the Progressive ads.Copy !req
286. Let's take this to the Streep.Copy !req
287. Hey, look. Maybe this is a baby?Copy !req
288. Mmm.Copy !req
289. - Welcome...
- Hey, hey!Copy !req
290. to the nightmare, non-sexy version of
Three's Company that my life has become.Copy !req
291. Oh, good. Instead of getting
the doll back, like you said you would,Copy !req
292. you disappeared for a few hours
and found a friend.Copy !req
293. For your information, we are on the case.Copy !req
294. Just need a whiff of your mom
to track the scent.Copy !req
295. Uh, excuse me, young lady,
I'm looking for a Beatrice,Copy !req
296. but you're way too young and attractive
to be that mean old crone.Copy !req
297. - What?
- What are you doing?Copy !req
298. Okay, I'm picking up
on some fruity overtones.Copy !req
299. Oak, desert sage...
No, I'm just kidding around.Copy !req
300. It's smelling humor.Copy !req
301. Is this the best time
to be workshopping your tight five?Copy !req
302. Okay, got it.
Ooh, this way?Copy !req
303. No! No, no. That way!Copy !req
304. Out the door! Come on! Here we go!Copy !req
305. Look at him. Not a care
in the world. How does he do it?Copy !req
306. This is the place.Copy !req
307. - Oh, hi, I'm—
- BoJack Horseman.Copy !req
308. - Felicity Huffman?
- Looking for this?Copy !req
309. - Yes!
- Well, keep looking, buddy!Copy !req
310. You're a real piece of shit,
you know that?Copy !req
311. Yes.Copy !req
312. So, instead of talking
through your issues,Copy !req
313. your new thing
is to just get in really big fightsCopy !req
314. and then have hot angry sex?Copy !req
315. - Yeah, but it kind of works.
- Does it?Copy !req
316. I'm sorry,
I feel like we always talk about me.Copy !req
317. What's going on with you, Roxie?Copy !req
318. - I'm actually glad you asked, I...
- Okay.Copy !req
319. Hey, Diane, can I get your advice
on something?Copy !req
320. - Yeah, of course. I'm not doing anything.
- Um...Copy !req
321. So, I have this friend,Copy !req
322. and his name
is Darnarius McQuimberton.Copy !req
323. Oh, yeah,
I think I read an article about himCopy !req
324. in Real, Not Made-Up, Person Magazine.Copy !req
325. Darnarius is supposed to get married
this weekend.Copy !req
326. And it's going to be an amazing wedding,
but it's kind of based on a lie.Copy !req
327. Should he go through with it?Copy !req
328. Well, all weddings are lies, right?
Sort of.Copy !req
329. You're making this big declarationCopy !req
330. about how you're gonna stay
with this person forever,Copy !req
331. but you don't actually know that.Copy !req
332. You're just saying it.
The whole thing is a farce.Copy !req
333. - Yeah, that's true.
- But it's a lie based on truth.Copy !req
334. Like, at the center of the farceCopy !req
335. there's this nugget
of something real and pure.Copy !req
336. And that strange beautiful somethingCopy !req
337. is why you put up
with everything else, right?Copy !req
338. I guess so.Copy !req
339. And sometimes it's hard to remember
that pure, shining thingCopy !req
340. because it's been painted over
with so many argumentsCopy !req
341. and compromises and disappointments.Copy !req
342. But you have to believe
it's still down there somewhere,Copy !req
343. even if you can't see it.Copy !req
344. And maybe even the belief in it
is more important than the thing itself,Copy !req
345. but only as long as you still believe it.Copy !req
346. - Does that make sense?
- Yeah. Thanks, Diane.Copy !req
347. You've given me
and Darquimbertus McNaringtonCopy !req
348. a lot to think about.Copy !req
349. That was good advice.
I'm, like, a really good friend.Copy !req
350. - What?
- Okay.Copy !req
351. So that doll actually belongs to my mom.
She's very sick, very frail.Copy !req
352. And I know you're really mad at me
because...Copy !req
353. Think, shit-for-brains, think.
Why is Felicity Huffman mad at you?Copy !req
354. You cut her off in traffic,
got her fired off a project,Copy !req
355. talked shit about her at an AIDS benefit
and didn't realize your mic was on.Copy !req
356. I have been living directly under
your house for the last 15 years.Copy !req
357. Do you have any idea how much shit
you throw over the side of your deck?Copy !req
358. Beer bottles, lit cigarettes,
scripts where the lead is female.Copy !req
359. One time, a mountain
of regurgitated cotton candyCopy !req
360. sat on that hill for a month
before sliding into my hot tub.Copy !req
361. Who you think has to deal with that?Copy !req
362. I assume your maid
or gardener or something?Copy !req
363. Well, yeah.
But it's still super-obnoxious.Copy !req
364. You're not getting that doll back.Copy !req
365. Citizens, citizens.Copy !req
366. As the future governor of California,Copy !req
367. I pride myself on probably being able
to reach compromisesCopy !req
368. across the ideological spectrum.Copy !req
369. - Oh! What if we cut the baby in half?
- What?Copy !req
370. - Why would we do that?
- No.Copy !req
371. So you both agree that's a bad idea.Copy !req
372. Perhaps you're not so different after all?Copy !req
373. - Advantage: Peanutbutter.
- How is that...?Copy !req
374. Felicity Huffman, you are a beloved star
of film and television.Copy !req
375. BoJack, you have also
appeared in film and television.Copy !req
376. What's that like? Discuss.Copy !req
377. I'm sorry for my acquaintance.
I'm actually a big fan.Copy !req
378. I hope
she has no follow-up questions.Copy !req
379. Really? So you've probably
seen my new show,Copy !req
380. - F.H.B.A. Los Angeles.
- What?Copy !req
381. - Yup, love it.
- How'd you like to do an arc for sweeps?Copy !req
382. Ugh, TV? No.
I just got out of that sinkhole.Copy !req
383. He'll do it, if you give us our doll back.Copy !req
384. Hup... ho... hup!Copy !req
385. What's your status?Copy !req
386. I have breached Compound Streep.Copy !req
387. If I don't make it out of this alive,
just know I have already seen heavenCopy !req
388. and it is Meryl's rose garden.Copy !req
389. - And the offer?
- I put it under a big boxCopy !req
390. that's propped up by a stick.Copy !req
391. If she goes to look
and the box falls on her,Copy !req
392. she's contractually obligated
to do the movie.Copy !req
393. Yeah, I know what
"packaging talent" means.Copy !req
394. Okay, she's walking up to the box.Copy !req
395. She's sniffing around, and...Copy !req
396. We got Meryl!Copy !req
397. All right! Yes!Copy !req
398. What if I throw myself
off my deckCopy !req
399. into Felicity Huffman's backyard.Copy !req
400. If she found my dead body,
that'd show her.Copy !req
401. Why are we at a bar?Copy !req
402. We're just celebrating getting Doll back.Copy !req
403. You don't want to bring the doll back
to your mom?Copy !req
404. I will. We're just having a drink first.Copy !req
405. - Relax.
- Okay.Copy !req
406. He knows you're terrible.Copy !req
407. He's the biggest idiot in the world,
even he knows you're terrible.Copy !req
408. So when did you get a daughter?
She's new, right?Copy !req
409. - Or was she always part of the gang?
- I met her about a month ago.Copy !req
410. - Whoa!
- Yeah. And it was great, at first.Copy !req
411. But now I can feel her getting attached,Copy !req
412. and I just know
I'm gonna BoJack things up.Copy !req
413. "BoJack things up?"Copy !req
414. You mean, show up somewhere
and be the life of the party?Copy !req
415. Then share a laugh
with your good friend, Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
416. No, obviously I meant screw everything up
until she hates me.Copy !req
417. I don't think I can take that.Copy !req
418. Maybe this time, don't do the thing
that makes her hate you.Copy !req
419. I don't want to,
but every time she looks at meCopy !req
420. with those big innocent eyes,Copy !req
421. all I can think about
is every shitty thing I've ever done,Copy !req
422. and I think,
"I don't deserve that kind of love."Copy !req
423. Look, BoJack, I don't know a lot
about balancing a state budgetCopy !req
424. - or how a bill becomes a law.
- Uh...Copy !req
425. I don't know a lot about a lot of things.Copy !req
426. But I do know this:
everybody deserves to be loved.Copy !req
427. So we put together an all-star wedding
and a Meryl Streep movie in one day!Copy !req
428. - You got to admit, we're a good team.
- Rutabaga...Copy !req
429. I know it wasn't always smooth sailing
for the Good Ship You and Me,Copy !req
430. but now you've got a boyfriend
and I've got a family,Copy !req
431. and since we have to work together again,
we're a good team.Copy !req
432. Tell me you didn't miss this.Copy !req
433. - Todd is on line two.
- Aaah! Do you go through the walls?Copy !req
434. Todd! Have you finished
your groomsmen list?Copy !req
435. We gotta figure out
how many parachutes we need.Copy !req
436. Uh, guys, I— I can't marry Courtney.Copy !req
437. - What?
- No!Copy !req
438. I've been doing some thinking,
and marriage is like a Tootsie Pop.Copy !req
439. The lollipop part is a lie,Copy !req
440. but at the center of the lie
there's a truth.Copy !req
441. That's the Tootsie Roll,
and that's why people get married.Copy !req
442. But if I married Courtney
it would be a lie without any truth in it,Copy !req
443. like a Tootsie Pop
with just the lollipop partCopy !req
444. and nothing in the middle.Copy !req
445. So, a lollipop? That's still pretty good.Copy !req
446. I guess it's a bad analogy.Copy !req
447. But I don't want a fake marriage.Copy !req
448. I'm sorry I didn't realize that before.Copy !req
449. Okay, Todd.
You gotta do what's right for you.Copy !req
450. Thanks, Princess Carolyn.
Whoa—Copy !req
451. All right, blue sky time. Wedding's off.
Can we spin this somehow?Copy !req
452. Courtney got jilted,
play the sympathy card?Copy !req
453. I guess we could put out a statement.Copy !req
454. That's your solution?Copy !req
455. What happened to the guy
from this morning with all the big ideas?Copy !req
456. Oh, that guy dies at six.
This guy's gotta get home.Copy !req
457. I got seven kids and a wife
who's really into me co-parenting,Copy !req
458. or, as she calls it, "parenting."Copy !req
459. Well, can't you tuck the kids into bed,
read them some script coverageCopy !req
460. of the film adaptation of Good Night Moon
and then come back?Copy !req
461. - This is important.
- Well, my kids are important.Copy !req
462. Fine, both things are equally important.Copy !req
463. Oh, my God, thank God you're not a mother.Copy !req
464. You would be hilarious at it.Copy !req
465. Hey, today was fun.
I'll call you in the morning.Copy !req
466. We'll figure this out. We'll deal with it.Copy !req
467. If you'd like to never see him again,
I have ways of getting rid of him.Copy !req
468. What kind of ways?Copy !req
469. Asking him politely to not come back.
Actually, that's only one way.Copy !req
470. I apologize for misleading you
about the number of ways.Copy !req
471. He's a jerk, right? It's not just me?Copy !req
472. I worked with guys like him at F.M.E.Copy !req
473. When I left, I swore
I would never work at a big agency again,Copy !req
474. because I can't work
with people like that.Copy !req
475. You don't think I'm like that?Copy !req
476. No, because you care about people
other than yourself.Copy !req
477. And for what it's worth,
you will be a wonderful mother.Copy !req
478. - You're not just saying that?
- I never just say anything.Copy !req
479. I choose words very carefully,Copy !req
480. with an eye towards precision
and expediency.Copy !req
481. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that.Copy !req
482. - Good night, Judah.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
483. Okay.Copy !req
484. - It's about time, Henrietta.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
485. Go talk to her, idiot.Copy !req
486. Drink first. No, you stupid alcoholic.Copy !req
487. Talk to your daughter. You're ruining her.
You know that, right?Copy !req
488. No matter what,
your poison is already in her.Copy !req
489. There's nothing you can do.
That's not true.Copy !req
490. Yeah, it is, you stupid piece of shit.Copy !req
491. You're a real stupid piece of shit,
and everywhere you go you destroy people.Copy !req
492. Your mother never loved you.Copy !req
493. That's why Sarah Lynn died,
Charlotte'll never forgive you.Copy !req
494. What you gonna do to Hollyhock?
What you gonna do, asshole? Shut up!Copy !req
495. Got Doll back. No big deal.Copy !req
496. Where do you go,
when you disappear all day?Copy !req
497. Just drive around.
Sometimes I go to a bar.Copy !req
498. Sometimes I pull over
by the side of the road,Copy !req
499. just sit there for hours.Copy !req
500. Why?Copy !req
501. And you'd rather do thatCopy !req
502. - than spend time with me?
- Hollyhock...Copy !req
503. I know you didn't ask
for this dorky 17-year-oldCopy !req
504. to just show up at your door.Copy !req
505. And I'm sorry if I'm annoying,
but I didn't ask...Copy !req
506. - No, Hollyhock, I'm glad you're here.
- Oh.Copy !req
507. If I'm shitty,
that's just because I'm shitty.Copy !req
508. You're allowed to be mad at me,
but you need to know that whatever I do,Copy !req
509. it's not your fault.Copy !req
510. I know. I mean, I know,
but I don't always know, you know?Copy !req
511. Like, sometimes I have this tiny voice
in the back of my head that goes, like,Copy !req
512. "Hey, everyone hates you!
And they're not wrong to feel that way!"Copy !req
513. I know what you mean.Copy !req
514. That voice, the one that tells you
you're worthless and stupid and ugly?Copy !req
515. - Yeah?
- It goes away, right?Copy !req
516. It's just, like, a dumb teenage-girl
thing, but then it goes away?Copy !req
517. Yeah.Copy !req