1. So you said let's do the show
about the horse,
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2. - but this time without the horse.
I know, I'm sorry.
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3. And I said,
"That's a terrible idea."
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4. And you said, "I got someone
even better." I got...
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5. - What's this asshole's name again?
- Vincent D'Onofrio.
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6. - And here we are.
Okay. Action!
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7. Hey, Zoe. Hey, Zelda.
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8. - I forgot my boombox.
- And your deodorant.
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9. - Pee-yew, mister.
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10. - Zoe, that's no way to get adopted.
- Adopted, by me?
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11. Children, I'm a single
breakdancing instructor
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12. who can barely take care of himself.
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13. Plus, I'm too rad to be a dad.
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14. Ooh!
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15. And shake it up. Hah!
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16. - Cut!
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17. It's fine, Katrina. If I didn't randomly
wander into doors all the time,
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18. I never would have ended up
co-piloting the very plane
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19. that brought me to Los Angeles.
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20. Excuse me, didn't you see
the flashing red light outside the door?
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21. Of course. That's why I stopped...
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22. what I was doing to come inside.
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23. Ooh, are you filming a sitcom?
I love sitcoms!
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24. You should have a character say,
"Talk to the hand."
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25. The hand! Not the face,
where the ears are.
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26. - Newsflash: hands can't hear.
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27. What do you mean the character
needs to be more likable?
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28. They don't teach likability
at the American Stanislavski Theatre.
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29. Look, this is not about your acting.
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30. You don't want an actor,
you want a blank canvas
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31. upon which to project your own
mawkish notions of goodness.
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32. Some man for all seasons
up for a bit of anything—
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33. cheerful, optimistic, indomitable.
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34. I assure you no such man exists.
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35. But you're welcome to keep looking.
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36. This D'Onofrio has had enoughfrio.
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37. - Hah hah!
- Hmm.
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38. But my favorite scenes
are when a character
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39. is completely oblivious to something
really important going on behind him.
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40. That, dear friends, is where the sit
truly hits the com.
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41. - Excuse me.
- Kind of in the middle of something.
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42. - He's yakking away, tension's building...
- Hey, you, sir.
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43. the audience is like,
"Hey, turn around."
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44. Maybe the person behind him
even interrupts him—
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45. - Can we talk to you for a second?
- Just like that.
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46. And then, when it would be ridiculous
to go on even one second longer...
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47. - My name is David Chase.
- Do you mind?
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48. Only then does he say,
exasperated,
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49. "What? What do you want?"
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50. I want your face on billboards,
you beautiful nonsensical clown prince.
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51. - Doggie-doggie what now?
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52. Kid, how'd you like to be the star of
"Untitled Horsin' Around Knockoff"?
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53. Me, a star? But I have
no experience, no formal training.
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54. Hey, you, you don't need
any of those things.
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55. You got "it."
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56. Ohh...
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57. Hey, BoJack, it's me again.
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58. I haven't heard from you
in, like, three months,
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59. so I'm calling again
to make sure you're okay.
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60. What's new with me?
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61. Well...
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62. Monocle? No, I think
you're thinking of Mr. Peanut.
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63. I don't know if you heard
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64. but Mr. Peanutbutter
is running for governor, kind of.
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65. I want a comprehensive crisscross
of cold calls to Contra Costa County.
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66. I mean, Christ, people, get me signatures.
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67. First, they need to get Woodchuck
Coodchuck-Berkowitz recalled,
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68. which is basically impossible.
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69. So that actually makes it really easy
for me to be supportive.
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70. - How's the recall effort?
- Stupendous!
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71. Uh, no. We're about 4,000 signatures shy
of stupendous,
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72. and the deadline's in a week.
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73. Even if you don't get all the signatures,
I'll still be proud of you.
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74. Maybe even more so.
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75. But when we do get
the signatures we need—
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76. - please note I said "when," not "if"...
- Noted.
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77. then the campaign will begin in...
oh, where did you say again, Katrina?
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78. Earnest. When we get the signatures,
the campaign will begin in earnest.
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79. Right. Earnest, California.
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80. Earnest is not a city in Cal—
Why do I try?
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81. Looks like you two
have everything worked out.
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82. Just please note
that I am being supportive.
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83. Noted!
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84. Most women wouldn't like
having their husband's ex-wife
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85. hanging around all the time,
but I'm totally cool with it
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86. because she makes me look
super chill by comparison.
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87. Oh, uh— okay.
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88. Anyway, call me back.
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89. This is Diane, by the way.
Nguyen, obviously.
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90. You sure you wouldn't rather
just play a governor
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91. in a movie or TV show?
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92. I could attach Tommy Schlamme
to direct.
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93. Tommy Schlamme, shmommy Schlamme.
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94. This is bigger than all that.
Don't you recall?
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95. - Recall what?
- The governor. We need signatures.
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96. Oh, sure.
Where do you stand on the issues?
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97. Oh, he doesn't stand anywhere on issues
because he's not running for governor yet.
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98. I'm mainly for people right now
and also for the future.
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99. Listen, I'm not feeling so hot.
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100. Why don't you go get
signatures downstairs.
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101. Jennifer Garner's in the lobby.
She'll sign on to anything.
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102. Judah! Can I get your John Wilkes Hancock?
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103. Oh, I never developed a signature.
I find them unnecessarily ostentatious.
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104. But I can print my name legibly.
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105. Thank you, Rain Man-bun.
That'll do nicely.
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106. - Okay.
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107. Ralph dropped this off for you.
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108. "I always make a beeline
to see my feline." Aww!
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109. Also, you wanted me to remind you about
FX's American Dead Girl miniseries.
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110. Oh, that's right! What train wreck
are we rubbernecking at this year?
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111. They're doing the Sarah Lynn story
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112. and they're looking
for someone to play BoJack.
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113. Oh! [retching, coughing]
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114. Well, as I was saying, FX is looking
for a BoJack Horseman—
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115. [retching, clearing throat] Ugh!
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116. - Horseman— Ho—
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117. - So, as we discussed earlier,
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118. is this one of the moments
where you would want privacy?
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119. You know what I'd do
if I had eight million dollars?
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120. - Yeah, you'd give it to the waitress.
- Oh, no, no, no.
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121. I mean, if I had
eight million dollars now,
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122. I'd start a company that makes
remote-controlled drones.
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123. But these drones have a seat
hanging from the bottom
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124. so you can fly around in it.
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125. A drone with a throne.
A drone throne.
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126. But if you're in it, isn't it not a drone?
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127. I feel like you're getting
really hung up on labels.
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128. Well, anyways,
with my eight million dollars
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129. I'm starting a new dating app
just for firemen
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130. and redheaded women named Emily.
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131. Aww, you don't need an app,
just hang out with me.
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132. Todd, you're great.
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133. What a way to end a sentence.
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134. But I want a boyfriend who isn't asexual.
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135. Whoa. Why did you call me that?
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136. No, no, it's not bad.
I didn't mean it negatively.
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137. - I was just, like, stating it.
- I'm not— that word doesn't describe—
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138. Okay, okay, I'm sorry,
whatever you call yourself,
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139. you're my friend and I support you.
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140. But sometimes labels can be helpful.
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141. Wow. Well, I would label
this conversation "rough".
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142. Here's the check.
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143. And this cow likes getting tipped.
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144. Hey, BoJack, it's me again,
voicemail number 17.
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145. Did I tell you I'm working at a blog?
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146. I wrote a story about
an all-girl refugee kickball league.
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147. It didn't get as many clicks as Gillian's
story about how in certain pictures
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148. you can see the outline
of Chris Hemsworth's penis
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149. but, you know, we're all contributing
in our own ways.
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150. Anyway, it's weird not having you around.
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151. I hope you're okay, wherever you are.
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152. "I'm so smitten
with my favorite little adult cat."
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153. Oh! I love it.
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154. I'm sorry I couldn't make it
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155. to the Paul Blart 3: Till Death
Do Us Blart premiere last night.
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156. I had a doctor's appointment.
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157. - Whoa. Is everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
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158. I don't like not knowing where you are,
especially when we live three freeways
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159. and an unprotected left turn
away from each other.
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160. I was thinking, what if you move
somewhere closer to me,
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161. like into my house?
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162. Oh. Wow!
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163. Would you, could you, with a mouse?
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164. I— I could, and I would,
but it's not a good time.
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165. Oh, okay.
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166. - I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's fine. There's no hurry.
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167. - We're still young, right?
- Oh, yeah, I'm super young.
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168. Blake Lively accidentally
called me Mommy yesterday,
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169. but I'm sure she does that
to other young women all the time.
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170. Churro-flavored waffles!
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171. - Huh?
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172. Drone Throne.
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173. Whoa, whoa!
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174. Okay, Todd. Whoa!
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175. Oh, God, today's the day.
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176. I haven't been this nervous
since Diane was vacuuming
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177. during a thunderstorm
on the Fourth of July,
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178. I had to take a bath,
and there was a stranger in our yard.
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179. There's no need to be nervous,
or calm for that matter
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180. because you've already lost.
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181. We're 1,600 signatures short
and the clock runs out at 9:00 AM.
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182. So it's gonna take a miracle, huh?
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183. Oh, no! It's over.
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184. Everyone can get out of my house now.
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185. Ooh, tough break, kid.
We're all in shock.
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186. McG! Are you still looking for a star
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187. for your transgender Teddy Roosevelt
Planes, Trains and Automobiles reboot,
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188. Plans, Trans, A Man, A Canal, Panama?
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189. Because someone just became available.
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190. Whoa! Whoa!
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191. I don't understand what happened.
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192. Let me put it in terms
your dumb dog brain can comprehend.
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193. All your life people have been
throwing you bones
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194. because they like you,
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195. but everyone has a ceiling
to their likability.
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196. This is a bone you can't have,
because people just don't like you enough.
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197. - I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter.
- You know, it's funny.
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198. Personally I like Woodchuck
and he's a fine governor,
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199. but for some reason, even though
I have zero qualifications,
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200. I honestly thought I would have made
an even better governor.
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201. - Well, what matters is you tried.
- But I would have been good, right?
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202. Now that there's no chance
you will ever be governor,
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203. I can tell you honestly...
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204. - Yes. You would have been great.
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205. Stop. But seriously, though, elaborate.
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206. You care about people,
you follow your heart.
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207. Those are important qualities
you should never give up on.
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208. So what you're saying is
I shouldn't give up?
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209. - On those qualities.
- Yeah. Never concede.
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210. - Stick it out, stay in the race.
- Uh— no—
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211. Uh, maybe we should get
Katrina's two cents on this.
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212. - Katrina?
- Race. That's it, Diane!
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213. You diabolical Thin Mint.
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214. You, and only you, are responsible
for the great thing I am about to do.
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215. Katrina?
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216. Thank you, thank you.
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217. Moments ago I found myself
in what seemed to be a no-win situation.
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218. But it turns out
it was a "Nguyen situation."
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219. I'm referring of course
to my supportive wife Diane Nguyen,
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220. - who told me to never give up!
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221. And that's why I am challenging
Woodchuck Coodchuck-Berkowitz
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222. - to a ski race down Devil's Mountain.
- What?
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223. No more petitions
or fancy ballot initiatives,
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224. just a mano a mano,
no-holds-barred slippery slalom
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225. down an ice-covered peak.
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226. Winner gets to be governor,
loser goes home.
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227. Your move, Governor.
Mic drop!
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228. - Aaah!
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229. What the hell is he talking about?
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230. It sounds like he's challenging you
to a ski race down Devil's Mountain.
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231. What an absurd conceit.
Do I even need to respond to this?
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232. No, sir.
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233. Because I'd rather focus
on my drought relief optimization
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234. using geohydration technology,
or DROUGHT plan.
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235. If I know anything, this story
will go away in a couple of days.
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236. Now Mr. Peanutbutter, you challenged
Woodchuck to a ski race a month ago.
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237. Not just any ski race, a high-stakes dash
down Devil's Mountain
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238. - for the governorship itself.
- But still no comment from the governor.
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239. Why won't he race you?
That's what I want to know.
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240. You and me both, friendo.
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241. But this isn't an us-ocracy,
it's a dem-ocracy.
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242. Ooh!
- So let's ask "dem" what "dey" think.
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243. - Any questions for the governor, folks?
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244. Why won't Woodchuck race?
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245. So, to be clear, my DROUGHT plan
is actually a drought relief plan.
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246. I see now how that's confusing.
Any other questions?
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247. Are you going to race Mr. Peanutbutter?
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248. Any questions about the DROUGHT plan?
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249. To ski or not to ski?
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250. That was the question
posed by William Shakespeare
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251. and it's perhaps even more relevant today.
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252. Of course, there are reasons
why a gubernatorial election
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253. should not be decided by a ski race,
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254. but are there also reasons
why it should?
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255. For the sake of "fairness"
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256. we've brought in two experts
with opposite opinions
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257. who will now have equal time
to just say those opinions
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258. because that's what news is.
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259. You think they'll really race
down Devil's Mountain?
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260. What do I care? As long as I've got
my giant bag of kettle corn,
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261. that's the only thing that concerns me.
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262. - What the?
- Drone Throne strikes again! Ha ha!
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263. Get back here with my kettle corn!
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264. You can't call it a drone
if you're riding on it.
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265. Suckers! Hooray!
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266. Ha ha! Oh— oh, no!
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267. Aw, man.
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268. I was hoisted by my own petard,
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269. the one petard I thought
would never hoist me.
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270. Unprecedented poppycock.
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271. This poppycock has no precedent.
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272. Maybe it's time to make a statement.
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273. Madeline, no.
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274. This outlandish buffoonery
is beneath the office of the governor.
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275. I can't defile the legacy
of my predecessors
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276. who built the Golden Gate Bridge,
irrigated the Central Valley,
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277. and played Mr. Freeze in a Batman movie.
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278. Can't you see this thing
is eating you alive?
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279. Do it for us, Woodcharles.
Do it for us.
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280. And so this ski race would be both
undemocratic and unconstitutional,
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281. which is why I will not be racing
Mr. Peanutbutter down Devil's Mountain.
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282. What if the state constitution
were changed to allow it?
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283. - Then would you race Mr. Peanutbutter?
- I...
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284. Fine. If a state senator
wanted to waste everybody's time
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285. by sponsoring an amendment
to the constitution,
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286. and the motion got two-thirds majority
in both houses
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287. so as to allow
a democratically-elected governor
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288. to accept a ski race challenge
for his office,
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289. then yes, I would race Mr. Peanutbutter.
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290. Well, I guess that puts
that idea to bed, right?
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291. - Hmm.
- Right?
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292. - Hmm...
- Right?
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293. You want me to sponsor a ski race
amendment to the constitution?
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294. Or you could sponsor the amendment
that has a hidden rider
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295. doubling farm subsidies in your district.
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296. - Inglewood could use some farms.
- That's right.
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297. I do have these campaign donors—
uh, I mean, constituents
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298. who really care about babies' access
to vaping devices.
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299. - Uh-huh.
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300. I've always wanted to drive across
a bridge to Hawaii.
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301. - Can we do that?
- You got it.
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302. Aloha!
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303. Hoo hoo hoo hoo! Whoo!
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304. It tickles.
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305. I'm astounded that it has come to this.
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306. But since the exorbitantly expensive
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307. and astonishingly titled I Love California
amendment is now law,
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308. I formally accept Mr. Peanutbutter's
challenge to a ski race.
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309. It happens that I'm an excellent skier
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310. who won numerous medals in the sport
when I raced for Dartmouth
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311. but, again, I am shocked
that fact is relevant
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312. in the matter of selecting
our state's governor.
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313. Mr. Peanutbutter, I will see you
on Devil's Mountain.
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314. - Whoa!
- This is insane.
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315. You could actually become governor
by winning a race.
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316. Yeah. Wow.
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317. You know, it's days like this
I wish I knew how to ski.
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318. - You don't ski?
- Never really got into it, no.
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319. Then why did you challenge the governor
to a ski race?
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320. I didn't think
it would get this far.
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321. You gotta admit, this is pretty out there.
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322. Well, I guess that's it. Oh, well.
Tough break. Bye forever, Katrina.
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323. No, this is not over.
This is just beginning.
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324. Mr. Peanutbutter,
you're going to ski school.
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325. Doggie-doggie what now?
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326. Hey, BoJack, it's me again.
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327. Where are you, I'm worried,
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328. hope you're not dead,
etc... you get it.
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329. Anyway, things are even crazier
around here lately.
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330. Don't know if you've seen the news,
but I really wish you were here for this.
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331. Well, I'm off to ski school
so I can learn how to ski,
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332. so I can become the governor.
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333. Y ou'd say something like,
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334. "That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard."
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335. Sounds great, sweetheart.
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336. But as the old saying goes,
that's politics.
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337. Then you'd probably say,
"A, that's not an old saying
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338. and, B, that's not politics!
Nothing about that is politics."
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339. This is so great!
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340. Then you would be so overwhelmed
Copy !req
341. by the unbearable ludicrousness
of the situation
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342. that you would get in your car
and drive to Hawaii,
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343. which is also a thing you could do now
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344. because of a new bill
that cost our state billions of dollars.
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345. It's all so great!
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346. You know, it's funny,
because the last time I saw you
Copy !req
347. you told me that you needed me
in your life,
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348. and then you just disappeared.
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349. So how do you think
that makes me feel?
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350. Well, wherever you are,
I hope you're happy.
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351. I really do, BoJack.
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352. Also, I haven't seen Todd in a while.
He's not with you, is he?
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353. Oh, simple kettle corn.
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354. Between the worlds of the sweet
and the savory.
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355. Not quite popcorn, not quite candy.
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356. - What are we?
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357. Hey, get away! Get, get!
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358. Wow, my first day at ski academy.
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359. What collegiate shenanigans
will befall me?
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360. There will be no shenanigans
on my watch.
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361. Professor Thistlethorpe,
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362. the famously humorless yet somehow
also lovable ski instructor?
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363. Peanutbutter, is it?
Everything about you disgusts me.
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364. Uh...
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365. And yet, there might be
something in you after all.
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366. You really mean it?
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367. This shall be my greatest challenge.
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368. Meet me on the summit
tomorrow at daybreak.
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369. Well, it is daybreak
and here we are at the summit.
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370. First lesson, break your skis in half.
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371. Oh, I don't have skis.
Was I supposed to bring skis?
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372. - You didn't say that.
- No bother. They shan't be required.
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373. Instead, read this book of poetry.
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374. I'll see you in the classroom.
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375. Ah, there you are.
Did you read the book of poetry?
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376. No! I forgot to.
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377. - Excellent.
- I'm sor— Excellent?
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378. My assignment was a test.
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379. Skiing isn't about reading old books.
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380. - It's about speaking truth to power...
- Oh!
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381. and you have spoken it eloquently.
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382. You are my finest student.
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383. I love you.
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384. - Are you okay, professor?
- Just a cough.
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385. I'm sure it's nothing. You can come by
tomorrow for your diploma.
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386. I can't believe ski school
is already over.
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387. Professor Thistlethorpe?
Professor Thistlethorpe!
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388. Remember everything
I taught you.
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389. I will.
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390. Also, if you have any tips for skiing,
that would be really helpful.
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391. The most important part of skiing
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392. is to keep your legs ben...
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393. Who's Ben?
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394. Devil's Mountain is the place,
skiing is the sport.
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395. I'm uncomfortable.
It's cold out.
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396. Tell me, who do you think
will win today's bout
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397. and what does it mean
for the future of California?
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398. I hate winter sports.
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399. I want to go inside and drink a cider.
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400. - And they're off!
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401. Woodchuck, off to a great start.
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402. Mr. Peanutbutter seems to be employing
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403. some sort of awkwardly
falling down technique.
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404. - Any sign of them?
- Nothing yet.
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405. - Oh! I made you a card.
- You did?
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406. Oh, wow, it's sparkly.
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407. Sorry, I went a little overboard
with the glitter
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408. and a little underboard with the glue.
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409. "Let's move in together.
I think I'm ready now."
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410. This is great.
Are you sure, though,
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411. because last time you seemed
a little hesitant.
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412. - No, I was just a little pregnant.
- Oh!
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413. I was gonna tell you, really,
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414. but then before I could tell you
there was nothing to tell you.
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415. Oh.
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416. I'm so sorry. I still wish
you would've told me.
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417. I have a card for that. On the front
it says, "Life isn't fairage."
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418. I'm sorry. I just felt dumb
because all my life I've wanted a family.
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419. But I didn't want it to happen
just because I got pregnant by accident
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420. - and then you got stuck with me.
- Okay, first of all,
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421. if I get stuck to something,
you're the prettiest glue trap I ever saw.
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422. - You know what I mean.
- Second, if that's how you feel,
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423. maybe you shouldn't get pregnant
by accident.
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424. - Well, I didn't try to!
- No.
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425. I'm saying maybe we should
get you pregnant on purpose.
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426. - Really?
- Yeah.
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427. We love each other,
and we enjoy having sex with each other—
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428. and we're good
at having sex with each other.
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429. And also, I think you'd be
an amazing mother.
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430. - Even Blake Lively thinks so.
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431. Ah, still got it.
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432. Yes!
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433. Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho!
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434. Ohh! Get control.
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435. Woodchuck in the lead,
still in the lead.
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436. Woodchuck remains
very much in the lead.
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437. Goodbye, dear friend.
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438. You served me well.
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439. Okay, all right, here we go.
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440. Mr. Peanutbutter?
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441. Ohh!
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442. I see Woodchuck!
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443. Yes!
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444. Go, Woodcharles!
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445. Oh... whoa... Whoa!
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446. Oh, my God.
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447. Todd forever!
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448. Whaa!
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449. - Invictus!
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450. - [groaning, grunts]
- Ooh! Ooh.
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451. - Oh... ohh.
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452. - Did I win?
- Come on, honey.
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453. Let's go home.
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454. - Well, I hope that settles it.
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455. We can finally put an end
to this nonsense.
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456. Sir, the rules are clear: the first person
to cross the finish line becomes governor,
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457. and, well, a strange boy
fell out of the sky
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458. and crossed the line first.
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459. They're swearing him in now.
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460. - So help me Todd.
- Congratulations, Governor Chavez.
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461. You know, ever since
I first became governor
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462. I've thought,
"I don't want to be governor"
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463. and that's where I am now.
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464. So, can I not be governor?
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465. You'd like to resign?
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466. Yeah. I'm just really not
into labels right now.
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467. Maybe after some soul searching
I'll be ready to really know what I am.
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468. But for right now,
I think I speak for all Californians
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469. when I say, "I ate too much kettle corn
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470. while drifting through the sky
on an out of control drone throne."
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471. Okay, is this charade over?
Can I be governor again?
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472. Sir, we live in a society of laws.
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473. When a governor resigns,
that triggers a special election.
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474. Until which, the governor's seat
shall remain vacant.
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475. - Election, you say?
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476. Mr. Peanutbutter, will you run?
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477. - You bet I will, and you know why?
- No, tell me.
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478. Because this whole ski race was a joke.
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479. Of course Woodchuck was gonna beat me.
He went to Dartmouth.
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480. So where's the candidate
for regular schmoes like me,
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481. - who went to Northwestern?
- Is he serious right now?
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482. You know, Governor Woodchuck
Coodchuck-Berkowitz
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483. thinks he's better than us,
but is he better than us?
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484. No!
- Uh, if I could say a few words—
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485. He thinks the race is over.
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486. Well, I say it's just starting.
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487. And he wants me to sit and stay
and roll over?
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488. - No!
- I say California's tired of rolling over.
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489. What do you say?
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490. Yeah!
I'm tired.
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491. I say it's time for me
to stand up and speak.
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492. - Diane-Diane what now?
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493. So loud as you can,
let me hear what you want.
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494. Peanutbutter!
Peanutbutter!
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495. - Uh, citizens—
- I can't hear you!
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496. Peanutbutter!
Peanutbutter!
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497. - Peanutbutter!
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498. - Peanutbutter!
- Friends, some decorum, please.
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499. - Peanutbutter! Peanutbutter!
Ah!
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500. Peanutbutter! Peanutbutter!
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501. Peanutbutter!
Peanutbutter!
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502. The mailbox belonging to...
- BoJack Horsemack—
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503. - Horseman— oh, wait, how do I—
is full. Goodbye.
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