1.  BoJack! Beautiful day, huh? 
			  
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2.  Perfect day to go outside,
not read the trades 
			  
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3.  or talk to anyone in the industry
or watch entertainment television 
			  
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4.  or have a gut feeling about the ratings
for your television show last night. 
			  
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5.  - Princess Carolyn, I'm dying.
- You read the trades. 
			  
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6.  My heart is in my stomach,
my stomach is in my butt, 
			  
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7.  and my butt ran away with the spoon. 
			  
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8.  That makes sense
because your butt is quite a dish. 
			  
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9.  Can you come over? I need you. 
			  
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10.  What the...? 
			  
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11.  I ordered a few feel-better pizzas
to feel better. It did not work. 
			  
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12.  Then I sprinkled happy pills on them,
and washed it all down 
			  
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13.  with a "Please, God, make my pain go away"
vermouth and ice cream float. 
			  
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14.  - Somehow I feel worse.
- That's a real mystery. 
			  
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15.  My show was terrible.
Why did I insist on a mockumentary format? 
			  
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16.  It's already an overused trope now,
in 2007. 
			  
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17.  Hey! Mockumentary is not a trope,
it's a device for storytelling. 
			  
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18.  And your show is daring and cutting edge.
People just aren't ready. 
			  
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19.  Yeah. Yeah, people! It's not me. 
			  
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20.  It's the people that are the problem! 
			  
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21.  Everyone's dumb and I am great.
Why do I always forget that? 
			  
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22.  That's the spirit. 
			  
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23.  I'm starting to think this show is
the best thing that happened to me. 
			  
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24.  - Really?
- Yeah. 
			  
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25.  It made me realize you're the best thing
that happened to me, 
			  
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26.  with your sexy cat eyes
and your cute little hair curl. 
			  
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27.  You look like a soft serve
strawberry ice cream. 
			  
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28.  BoJack, we can't. I'm your agent. 
			  
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29.  You are so much more than that.
You're my lighthouse, my Garmin. 
			  
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30.  You're the little plastic table
they put in pizza boxes 
			  
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31.  to keep the pizza from getting smushed. 
			  
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32.  You're Princess Carolyn. 
			  
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33.  Don't you break my heart,
BoJack Horseman. 
			  
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34.  - What?
- What? Nothing. 
			  
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35.  - Did you just say something to me?
- No, I was just being wistful, I guess. 
			  
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36.  Well, can you be wistful a little quieter? 
			  
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37.  - Not everyone is interested in your wist.
- Okay, BoJack. 
			  
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38.  - You smell nice.
- Thanks, BoJack. 
			  
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39.  Okay, gotta go. I'm about to meet
my most important client. 
			  
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40.  - I know you're not really on the phone.
- Bye, Mr. President. 
			  
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41.  Give my love to your basketball friends.
You too. 
			  
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42.  Should we get dinner,
or are you just thinking drinks? 
			  
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43.  - I'm not planning on staying long.
- Okay. 
			  
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44.  I'm glad you wanted to meet,
because I am so pumped to tell you 
			  
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45.  all about the exciting projects
I'm lining up for you. 
			  
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46.  That won't be necessary. 
			  
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47.  Once you get your Oscar nom,
we'll have our pick. That's the key. 
			  
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48.  You think Halle Berry
would've been offered Catwoman 
			  
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49.  if she wasn't an Oscar winner? 
			  
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50.  We just gotta find you your Catwoman. 
			  
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51.  I'm not sure if a Catwoman 
			  
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52.  is really the best thing
for my career right now. 
			  
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53.  Right, well, like I said,
we are getting lots of offers. 
			  
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54.  Listen, Princess Carolyn— 
			  
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55.  Signore Horseman!
Principessa Carolina! 
			  
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56.  Sandro, how you doing,
you handsome devil? 
			  
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57.  To be honest I am, how you say,
sweating bull's nets. 
			  
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58.  - You mean sweating bullets?
- I don't think so. 
			  
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59.  Sweating bullets.
How does that make the sense? 
			  
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60.  How does sweating bull's nets
make sense? 
			  
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61.  I don't want to be caught in bull's nets.
He may try to kiss me. 
			  
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62.  I prefer kissing cows. No judgment,
just a preference. I love kissing cows! 
			  
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63.  Don't tell my wife. I'm kidding! 
			  
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64.  She knows. She's a cow! 
			  
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65.  And I only kiss her. 
			  
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66.  Okay, very good. 
			  
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67.  Haven't you lived in America for 30 years? 
			  
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68.  Ignore him. Why are you
sweating bullets and/or nets? 
			  
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69.  Ah. Because there is a restaurant critic
here tonight. 
			  
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70.  Very interesting. 
			  
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71.  Critics are the worst.
That's my review of critics. 
			  
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72.  Two thumbs down! Four percent fresh! 
			  
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73.  One star! You all eat a flat butt! 
			  
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74.  Did you not know there was a critic here?
You own this place. 
			  
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75.  I never see you do anything
to help run it. 
			  
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76.  This place runs itself. Right, Sandro? 
			  
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77.  Well, my wife and children and therapy man
may not agree so much, 
			  
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78.  but if you say so, Signore Horseman. 
			  
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79.  Even his wife and kids
and therapy man agree. 
			  
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80.  Well, as the Black Guy Pete say,
"Tonight's gonna be a good night." 
			  
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81.  Please. Enjoy. 
			  
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82.  I know you're not happy about
what happened with the Kelsey project. 
			  
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83.  I pushed a little too hard to get you
the money you deserve. 
			  
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84.  What can I say? Sometimes I'm too good
of an agent, so deals fall apart. 
			  
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85.  That's a thing that happens
when agents are really good. 
			  
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86.  - That's not—
- Moving forward! 
			  
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87.  I know you're not happy
with how I handled Ethan Around. 
			  
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88.  - Or didn't handle it.
- Bygones! 
			  
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89.  It was because I was busy
getting you the Pegasus movie, 
			  
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90.  which I know you did not get,
but trust me, 
			  
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91.  you'll see not getting these movies was
the best thing that ever happened to you. 
			  
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92.  Onwards and upwards!
Tally ho! To the stars! 
			  
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93.  Okay, you're forcing me to use the cards. 
			  
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94.  "Princess Carolyn, clear throat,
I have been very disappointed—" 
			  
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95.  Ring! Hello, Your Highness. 
			  
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96.  It's a king, I have to take this.
In the bathroom. 
			  
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97.  Oh, fish, oh, fish! 
			  
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98.  Who's out there?
Are you talking to me? 
			  
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99.  No. 
			  
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100.  All right, Pink Lady, think. 
			  
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101.  - Are you talking to me?
- Are you a pink lady? 
			  
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102.  I was a Pink Lady in my high
school's production of Grease. 
			  
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103.  - Were you Rizzo?
- No, Jan. 
			  
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104.  Then don't waste my time. 
			  
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105.  Now, let us bow our heads and bray. 
			  
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106.  Yes, right away! 
			  
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107.  So back to what you were— 
			  
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108.  - Oh, my goodness, what is this?
- Yeah, what is this? 
			  
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109.  You're making this up. 
			  
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110.  Okay, cool. 
			  
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111.  Can you believe it, BoJack?
It's been almost a quarter of a century. 
			  
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112.  Talking on the phone
pretty much every day, 
			  
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113.  sharing our deepest dreams and secrets, 
			  
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114.  being there for each other
through all of it, bosom friends, 
			  
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115.  Anne of Green Gables style. 
			  
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116.  Let's toast to another 23 years.
What do you say? 
			  
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117.  - You're fired.
- Uh— Oh. 
			  
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118.  I can't believe this. You're firing me? 
			  
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119.  - Me?
- What? No. 
			  
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120.  You have no idea,
everything I do around here! 
			  
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121.  - Half the kitchen staff is my family.
- No. 
			  
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122.  - Honestly, just—
- I detest you! 
			  
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123.  I hope you rot in the hell! 
			  
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124.  - We're headed down a road that—
- You washed-up has-been no-good joke! 
			  
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125.  You are the opposite of an onion, 
			  
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126.  because if I cut you, I am no gonna cry. 
			  
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127.  Well, now you are fired. 
			  
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128.  Good luck finding another charming
first-generation Italian immigrant 
			  
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129.  with this kind of darling accent,
who makes equally delightful malapropisms! 
			  
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130.  You, sir, have just cut off your nose 
			  
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131.  and thrown Sprite in your face! 
			  
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132.  I am a classic stereotype
that is tough to come by nowadays, 
			  
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133.  because Italians don't emigrate
so much to America no more. 
			  
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134.  Botticelli, Barbarelli, Beetle Bailey! 
			  
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135.  Modigliani, Masaccio, Marmaduke! 
			  
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136.  Avanti, all of you! Andiamo! 
			  
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137.  So that was weird, huh? 
			  
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138.  Please stop looking at me. 
			  
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139.  Too bad about Sandro, huh? 
			  
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140.  You're the one who's fired, obviously. 
			  
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141.  Right. 
			  
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142.  Ryan Murphy is doing are-imagining
of The Life and Times of Harriet Tubman. 
			  
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143.  But in this version, she's a tub-man, 
			  
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144.  with the comparative strength
and agility of a tub! 
			  
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145.  - PC.
- He's looking for someone 
			  
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146.  to play the Underground
Railroad conductor. 
			  
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147.  Great, but you don't represent me anymore. 
			  
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148.  Okay, I get it. I'm fired. Sheesk. 
			  
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149.  You're gonna spend a couple days
being mad at me, 
			  
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150.  then I'll get you another gig, and you'll
be my client again, just like every time. 
			  
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151.  Can we get past the part
where you're mad at me 
			  
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152.  and get to the part where
you're stealing General Lee's plutonium 
			  
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153.  to fuel your subterranean
steam-punk slave-tram? 
			  
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154.  "It's best, for both of us, 
			  
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155.  if we end this relationship
once and for all." 
			  
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156.  I'm sorry I screwed up,
you don't have to read off the— 
			  
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157.  "You take me for granted, made decisions
that were against my wishes, 
			  
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158.  and worst of all
she's got my globes a-warming!" 
			  
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159.  - How did that get in there?
- What is that? 
			  
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160.  A punch line to a joke
from the roast of January Jones. 
			  
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161.  - A global warming joke?
- It's an important issue. Here we go. 
			  
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162.  "Our relationship no longer has any—" 
			  
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163.  "January has only gotten hotter and hot—"
Nope. 
			  
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164.  - Were you at the roast of January Jones?
- No, but I wrote some jokes 
			  
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165.  in case someone got sick
and they needed a backup. 
			  
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166.  Do you even know January Jones?
Why would they call you? 
			  
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167.  I guess I thought that my agent could
get me in the mix if Jason Sudeikis— 
			  
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168.  How did these get out of order? 
			  
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169.  So in the joke,
are the globes your balls? 
			  
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170.  And they get warm
when you see January Jones? 
			  
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171.  Is that how balls work? 
			  
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172.  I don't know. It's a work in progress. 
			  
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173.  Professional integrity! 
			  
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174.  "Our relationship no longer
has any professional integrity. 
			  
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175.  So it's gotta end. Stand to leave." 
			  
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176.  Shouldn't have read that part. 
			  
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177.  "When you reflect on this,
you'll see it's best for both of us. 
			  
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178.  Exit restaurant." Goddamn it. 
			  
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179.  Wow, that was—
I don't know what that was. 
			  
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180.  Hey! Where are you going? 
			  
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181.  - Who gave you this idea? Spanakopita?
- This has nothing to do with Ana. 
			  
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182.  Here you go, sir. 
			  
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183.  - I'll get it!
- You two are b'thumping. 
			  
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184.  Now you do whatever she says? 
			  
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185.  - Is that what's happening?
- No. 
			  
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186.  No, you're not b'thumping or no,
you're not doing whatever she says? 
			  
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187.  - I'm not doing whatever she says.
- So you are b'thumping. 
			  
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188.  I understand from context what you mean,
but there's no way b'thumping is a thing. 
			  
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189.  I'll get it! 
			  
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190.  You don't have to do everything
your little falafel pocket tells you to. 
			  
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191.  - You screwed up!
- Once! In 23 years! 
			  
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192.  I'll get 'em. 
			  
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193.  All these years I carried you,
when no one wanted to work with you. 
			  
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194.  I still managed to get you jobs. 
			  
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195.  And then you would flake,
or sabotage them, 
			  
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196.  or get wrapped up in some crisis
or emergency or vague sadness. 
			  
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197.  Everyone told me to dump you—
my bosses, film execs, directors, 
			  
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198.  they all told me you were washed up,
a nobody, a has-been, 
			  
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199.  - a joke, too portly for TV.
- Too portly for TV? Who said that? 
			  
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200.  - It doesn't matter.
- It does. Who said it? 
			  
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201.  - Luis Guzman.
- Luis Guzman said I'm too portly for TV? 
			  
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202.  You're right, BoJack.
This is for the best. 
			  
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203.  I no longer have to lug your talentless,
self-centered, self-sabotaging, 
			  
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204.  dead-weight carcass
of faded talent around my neck. 
			  
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205.  - Hey.
- Thank you for firing me. 
			  
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206.  I'm gonna go pour myself
a little celebratory potato juice, 
			  
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207.  because this is the best goddamn
thing that's ever happened to me. 
			  
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208.  Hey! Hey! Hey! 
			  
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209.  Ha, ha! I'll get it. 
			  
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210.  You do not talk to me like that
and walk away. 
			  
			Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
211.  Oh, no? What's happening? 
			  
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212.  This is so weird. I'm walking away,
even though you told me not to. 
			  
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213.  Right, I don't work for you anymore. 
			  
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214.  - Hey!
- Excuse me, Mr. Horseman? 
			  
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215.  - Not now.
- We have a slight problem in the kitchen. 
			  
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216.  - Where is everybody?
- That's the problem. They all quit. 
			  
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217.  The kitchen's backed up with orders.
No one's getting food. 
			  
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218.  And the critic is growing very impatient. 
			  
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219.  Writing that down... 
			  
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220.  - Just do what you normally do.
- But there's no chef. 
			  
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221.  Tonight's your lucky night.
You just got promoted. 
			  
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222.  Kidding. I'm actually just happy
being a waiter. I'm not my job. 
			  
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223.  - A lot of people think that—
- You're the chef! Start cheffing! 
			  
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224.  Oh. 
			  
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225.  What? Fifty teeth?
Get out of here. Let me see. 
			  
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226.  - Ahh...
- Would you look at that. 
			  
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227.  You're thrilled
to have me out of your life? 
			  
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228.  - I was such a burden all those years.
- Can I close my mouth now? 
			  
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229.  - Know what I think?
- Don't wanna hear it. 
			  
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230.  You like being there to rescue me. 
			  
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231.  - I close my mouth, okay?
- Nobody cares! 
			  
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232.  - Okay—
- Nope, I'm still counting. 
			  
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233.  You like it when I'm a mess. 
			  
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234.  Because it makes you feel good
about yourself. 
			  
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235.  Guess what? I never asked for that. 
			  
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236.  You ask all the time. 
			  
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237.  You have never not been asking me
to rescue you. 
			  
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238.  "Princess Carolyn, help me! 
			  
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239.  I slept with the gaffer's wife
and now he's not lighting me properly. 
			  
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240.  Princess Carolyn, I threw up
on Elle Fanning in a bounce house. 
			  
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241.  Princess Carolyn,
why am I such a big stupid asshole?" 
			  
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242.  Okay, great, more abuse.
Right on schedule. 
			  
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243.  Oh, that's abuse? 
			  
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244.  "BoJack, you're such
a big, stupid asshole. 
			  
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245.  BoJack, why were you even
in the bounce house, dummy? 
			  
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246.  BoJack, you wasted my thirties!" 
			  
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247.  I never said you wasted my thirties. 
			  
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248.  Didn't have to, you're always saying it. 
			  
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249.  And I don't like being around you,
because I feel bad. 
			  
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250.  You make me feel bad. 
			  
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251.  So this isn't about me being a bad agent. 
			  
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252.  It's about a lot of things. 
			  
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253.  - Where are you going?
- Away. 
			  
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254.  - Hey, listen, man. 
			  
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255.  I don't wanna get in the middle of this,
it's none of my business, 
			  
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256.  but I just have to say
I love that sweater. 
			  
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257.  - Can you give it to me?
- What? No. 
			  
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258.  I held my mouth open a really long time. 
			  
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259.  - What does that have to do—?
- You're not being fair, 
			  
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260.  to me or Princess Katniss. 
			  
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261.  - Who?
- Your friend. 
			  
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262.  You've forgotten her already?
Typical BoSchwack. 
			  
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263.  That's enough out of you. 
			  
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264.  It's all right,
you're gonna get through this. 
			  
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265.  - You're gonna get through this.
- Are you okay? 
			  
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266.  Are you okay?
You've been in there a long time. 
			  
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267.  I left for a while and came back. 
			  
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268.  Just so you know,
this wasn't an easy decision. 
			  
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269.  - This is the ladies' room!
- What's going on out there? 
			  
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270.  Are you watching a movie? 
			  
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271.  I agonized over this. Ask Ana. 
			  
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272.  - Oh. So you did talk about it with Ana.
- Yeah. I respect her opinion. 
			  
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273.  Paws not claws! Paws not claws! 
			  
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274.  Hey! Ow! God, you're strong. 
			  
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275.  This is exactly the kind of
unprofessionalism I'm talking about. 
			  
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276.  - You want to talk about professionalism?
- Yes, I do. 
			  
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277.  But not here. 
			  
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278.  You say you want professionalism?
Bullshit. 
			  
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279.  You want a mommy
you can slide your dick in. 
			  
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280.  I can want that
and also want professionalism. 
			  
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281.  A sex-mommy who keeps her boundaries,
is that too much to ask? 
			  
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282.  Is there a single woman
you've worked with 
			  
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283.  who you haven't tried
to groggily thrust yourself into? 
			  
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284.  Is it any wonder
I don't want to be around you? 
			  
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285.  All you do is tell me
I'm a terrible person. 
			  
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286.  Please, you're such
a self-pitying masochist, 
			  
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287.  I could say ten nice things
and one mean thing, 
			  
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288.  you would only hear the one mean thing. 
			  
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289.  I'd love it
if you said ten nice things to me. 
			  
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290.  - I can say nice things.
- Ready when you are. 
			  
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291.  Does self-pitying masochist count,
or are we starting from scratch? 
			  
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292.  Okay, one— I'm freezing my whiskers off. 
			  
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293.  - You have a natural charisma.
- You hesitated, that means it's a lie. 
			  
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294.  Two, you are loved by millions. 
			  
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295.  That's not a compliment.
So is Kim Jong Un and Teri Hatcher. 
			  
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296.  I got this. I got this. 
			  
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297.  Pre-heat oven?
Where's the pre-heat button? 
			  
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298.  Excuse me? Waiter? 
			  
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299.  Where are my family's
double-fudge cheese pies? 
			  
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300.  I'm not your waiter anymore.
I'm the chef. 
			  
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301.  - Then who's our waiter?
- Uh, you're the waiter now. Ta-da! 
			  
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302.  I can't be a waiter. 
			  
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303.  I have a very important
business meeting tomorrow. 
			  
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304.  You get someone else to do it.
I'm the chef and whatever I say goes! 
			  
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305.  Okay. Who gets these
soy balls and onion cubes? 
			  
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306.  Table eight.
Deliver those soy balls, soldier. 
			  
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307.  You got it, boss. 
			  
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308.  Number six.
You know how to make me laugh. 
			  
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309.  So I'm a clown to you?
Like Joe Pesci in Home Alone? 
			  
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310.  You recognize
you're being impossible, right? 
			  
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311.  - I don't know how you put up with me.
- I didn't put up with you, BoJack. 
			  
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312.  I liked being with you.
And I don't regret it. 
			  
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313.  I don't regret the trip to the Bahamas. 
			  
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314.  Or the bracelet you bought me
for my 38th birthday. 
			  
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315.  Or when my dad died 
			  
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316.  and you came to the funeral
with me and held my hand. 
			  
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317.  I'm doing this for both of us.
You understand? 
			  
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318.  - Did you ever love me? At all?
- I don't— I'm not— 
			  
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319.  You know that I don't do
the whole love thing. 
			  
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320.  Either you end up hurting someone
or they hurt you. So, what's the point? 
			  
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321.  Yeah. 
			  
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322.  Ugh. This sucks. Ow. 
			  
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323.  I did this to myself. I do this to myself. 
			  
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324.  - Why do I do this to myself?
- I don't know. 
			  
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325.  Maybe if you're good at putting out fires, 
			  
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326.  you just run from fire to fire
and don't really think about— 
			  
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327.  Oh, God, I don't wanna be a chef!
I want to be not on fire! 
			  
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328.  - We gotta put out that fire!
- I hate Mondays! 
			  
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329.  I figured out
how to pre-heat the oven. 
			  
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330.  This night has been a disaster. 
			  
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331.  The good news is I got my kid
to prep my important meeting at work. 
			  
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332.  The bad news is
all the customers went home. 
			  
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333.  They didn't like the screaming 
			  
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334.  and felt like their food
was a little too "on fire". 
			  
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335.  - It's called a char, dumbshits.
- The critic's still here. 
			  
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336.  Oh, oh, oh! 
			  
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337.  She still wants her mushroom risotto. 
			  
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338.  I don't know how to make risotto. 
			  
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339.  I know how. 
			  
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340.  What are you doing? No, go home. 
			  
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341.  You're right. What am I doing? 
			  
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342.  All right. 
			  
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343.  Good luck. 
			  
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344.  Ugh. Who do they write these songs for? 
			  
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345.  - Ugh. 
			  
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346.  Goddamn it. 
			  
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347.  How should I know?
Do I look like an expert in cooking oils? 
			  
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348.  We have to choose!
We're running out of time. 
			  
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349.  - Olive. You wanna use olive oil.
- What are you doing? 
			  
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350.  Let me do this.
You'll burn the place to the ground. 
			  
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351.  Fine. This isn't one of those things
where you save my ass 
			  
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352.  so I feel obligated to give you
your job back. 
			  
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353.  I know you have no sense
of obligation to me. 
			  
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354.  Ooh, slam. I'm sorry,
I'd rather not get involved. 
			  
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355.  - Can I get you some more water?
- Mmm. 
			  
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356.  You look lovely. It's a great blouse. 
			  
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357.  Mom, I wanna go home. 
			  
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358.  This is a very important night
for the restaurant. 
			  
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359.  How are we coming on the sales meeting?
Did you get the big conference room? 
			  
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360.  Winslow wants the big conference room
for his presentation to corporate. 
			  
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361.  You get back on that phone
and you get me that big room. 
			  
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362.  Okay, Mom. 
			  
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363.  The secret is stirring continuously. 
			  
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364.  Right, so that's the secret. 
			  
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365.  I'm gonna go roll some more soy balls. 
			  
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366.  - Thanks for your help.
- Sure. 
			  
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367.  How do you know how to do this? 
			  
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368.  Mom was a live-in maid for a rich family. 
			  
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369.  She had a little trouble
bending her elbow too much. Glug, glug. 
			  
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370.  So unless I wanted us to be on the street,
I had to cover for her, a lot. 
			  
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371.  That rich family loved Italian food
and champagne fountains. 
			  
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372.  And cocaine. And private jets.
And screaming at each other. 
			  
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373.  "Who threw my cocaine
in the champagne fountain?" 
			  
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374.  - So standard rich people stuff?
- I guess. 
			  
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375.  - How come you never told me that?
- I did. 
			  
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376.  Oh. 
			  
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377.  It's okay. I know
you never remember anything. 
			  
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378.  That's not true.
I remember the first time we met. 
			  
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379.  I went to see Marv. You were
at the desk in front of his office. 
			  
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380.  I thought you were cute and you said,
"It's good to see you again." 
			  
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381.  - Oh. So I guess we'd met before.
- That was the third time we met. 
			  
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382.  The first time was when I was an intern.
I delivered a script to your house. 
			  
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383.  You were passed out in the yard,
covered in tapioca pudding. 
			  
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384.  I hosed you down, dragged you inside,
covered you with a blanket. 
			  
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385.  - Really? I don't remember that.
- Shocker. 
			  
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386.  So you've gone from daughter of a maid
to head of your own company. 
			  
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387.  Well, the company's not doing so hot. 
			  
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388.  - Don't try to guilt me.
- It's not your fault. 
			  
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389.  Turns out being an agent and running
an agency are two different skills. 
			  
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390.  It's like asking a really delicious tomato
to make you a tomato sandwich. 
			  
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391.  How's a tomato gonna make you
a sandwich? He's got no arms. 
			  
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392.  You'll figure it out. Princess Carolyn
always lands on her feet. 
			  
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393.  But I don't even know why I'm doing it.
Does any of it matter? 
			  
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394.  Why are you an agent at all
if it makes you so miserable? 
			  
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395.  Because I'm good at it. 
			  
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396.  I mean, stuff hasn't been hitting lately.
But, usually, I'm really good at it. 
			  
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397.  Just 'cause you're good at something
doesn't mean you have to do it. 
			  
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398.  I'm good at driving sober,
but I don't relish the opportunity. 
			  
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399.  But what else would I do?
Who else would I be? 
			  
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400.  I do love you, by the way. 
			  
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401.  I mean, as much
as I'm capable of loving anyone. 
			  
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402.  Which is never enough. I'm sorry. 
			  
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403.  Ta-da! 
			  
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404.  Well, it is truly... 
			  
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405.  how should I put this? Wonderful. 
			  
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406.  So you'll give Elefante a good review? 
			  
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407.  Oh, no, I can't do that.
I waited over two hours to be served. 
			  
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408.  The ambience was terrible.
You two were screaming all night. 
			  
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409.  At one point, a waiter
ran through the restaurant on fire. 
			  
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410.  Unfortunately,
you will be receiving my lowest rating: 
			  
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411.  four hundred and twelve stars,
out of a possible a billion. 
			  
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412.  A billion stars? 
			  
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413.  Yes, that's the rubric I use on
SamanthaGoesToRestaurants.tumblr.com. 
			  
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414.  - Oh, God, get out. 
			  
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415.  I assure you the animated GIFs 
			  
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416.  with which I describe this encounter
shall be scathing. 
			  
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417.  Mom! I just touched base
with Rooney, re: Winslow. 
			  
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418.  He's out, we're in.
The conference room is ours. 
			  
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419.  Perfect! This is the meeting
where we finally convince the big boys 
			  
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420.  to let us get babies addicted to vaping! 
			  
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421.  Yes! Corporation! 
			  
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422.  - How about a drink?
- I could drink. 
			  
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423.  I don't think I can. I'm heading out. 
			  
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424.  I got pretty badly burnt earlier
and in a lot of pain. 
			  
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425.  I should probably go to the ER.
Have a great night. 
			  
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426.  Ha, ha! 
			  
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427.  What's the second time we met? 
			  
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428.  - A taping of Horsin' Around.
- Which episode? 
			  
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429.  The one where Olivia put too much
detergent in the washing machine. 
			  
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430.  Nancy Reagan was the guest star. 
			  
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431.  That woman
was the real actor in the family. 
			  
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432.  I just started working for Marv.
I went backstage to introduce myself. 
			  
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433.  And then what happened? 
			  
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434.  You told me you were too tired
pretending to be nice all night, 
			  
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435.  - and I needed to leave you alone.
- Oh. 
			  
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436.  I'm a real jerk, huh? 
			  
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437.  Yeah, but you're honest,
straightforward, 
			  
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438.  not fake nice
and don't beat around the bush. 
			  
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439.  Your heart is tender,
so you protect it from people, 
			  
			Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
440.  but sometimes you open up a wall
and it's incredible. 
			  
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441.  You're doing the best you can,
considering your asshole parents. 
			  
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442.  You have great taste in art, 
			  
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443.  and that pink spot
on your nose is just adorable. 
			  
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444.  How many nice things was that,
about ten? 
			  
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445.  - Yeah, just about.
- Okay, one more. 
			  
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446.  You let me help you tonight
because you knew I needed it. 
			  
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447.  You did it for me,
which was very sweet. 
			  
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448.  Thanks. You're a good friend to me. 
			  
			Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
449.  - BoJack...
- Yeah? 
			  
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450.  Are we friends? 
			  
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451.  Yeah. I mean, I think we are. 
			  
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452.  Or I think we can be. 
			  
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453.  Okay, then as a friend, I'm asking you... 
			  
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454.  Please don't leave me. 
			  
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455.  - Princess Carolyn—
- Please. 
			  
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456.  I can turn this around,
I just need more time. 
			  
			Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
457.  We're in a fragile period,
still finding our feet. 
			  
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458.  Just give me six months
and then you can go. 
			  
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459.  I promise,
I'll never ask anything from you again, 
			  
			Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
460.  but please, give me six months. 
			  
			Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
461.  Sorry, I left my coat here. 
			  
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462.  I got it. 
			  
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463.  So? What do you think? 
			  
			Copy !req 
			
		
	
		
			
464.  No. 
			  
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