1. Look alive, bright eyes.
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2. It's the morning and somebody loves you.
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3. Right back at you, buddy.
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4. - Oh, my God. He's here.
- There he is.
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5. - I love you, Mr. Peanutbutter.
- I love you, too.
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6. Idea for a new Pixar movie:
what are pizza boxes thinking about?
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7. - And Leland Stanford?
- Transcontinental Railroad.
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8. - Transcontinental Railroad?
- That is correct.
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9. Next question,
what is my favorite kind of berry?
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10. - Barry Bostwick.
- Raspberry?
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11. I'm so sorry, the correct answer,
of course, was Barry Bostwick.
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12. - How was I supposed to know?
- He also likes Franken Berry.
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13. - We would have accepted Franken Berry.
- What?
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14. - I'm sorry, you lose.
- What the...?
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15. That's our show, but before we go
I wanna send out a quick message.
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16. Diane, if you're watching this, I love you
and I know you're doing great things.
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17. Idea for a new app: an undo button
that could undo long amounts of time.
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18. - Hey, is everyone having a good time? Ha!
- Three months. A year. A life.
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19. Erica, where did that tooth come from?
All right, let's keep this party going.
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20. One click and everything could
just go back to the way it was.
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21. - Hey.
- Hey.
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22. - You're still here?
- Yup. Still here.
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23. - Stop it.
- Wake up, captain dumbshit.
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24. I've been trying to get in touch
with you for two months.
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25. Ow. Okay. I'm awake, I'm awake.
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26. Aah! What is it?
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27. If the studio wants to sue me, tell them
to take my house. I belong to the sea now.
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28. - Are you drunk?
- Only on adventure. And gin.
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29. And vodka. And gin.
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30. They're not gonna sue you.
They finished the movie.
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31. - What? How? Explain yourself, land wench.
- I don't know, ask Turteltaub.
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32. That's not why I'm here.
I thought you were in Cordovia.
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33. You've been here this whole time?
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34. Idea for a thing Princess Carolyn
should do... Shut up.
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35. Get dressed.
We're going to the orphanage.
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36. What orphanage?
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37. Remember at Herb's funeral,
I asked you what you wanted me to do
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38. - with your Horsin' Around residuals?
- I do... not remember that.
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39. You said, "Give it to an orphanage
or something."
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40. - What?
- It turns out you made enough money
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41. to build a brand new one.
So congratulations. You're a hero.
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42. A hero?
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43. That's right, a hero.
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44. Or is it pronounced "gyro?"
I just call them subs.
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45. Anyway, enjoy the sandwich,
you're a great man.
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46. Welcome to
The BoJack Horseman Orphanage.
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47. Or, as we call it,
The BoJack Horsephanage.
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48. You cannot call it that.
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49. A, because I am not a great man and B,
because that is a really stupid name.
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50. - The name was Molly's idea.
- Stop pissing off the orphans.
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51. A lot of them grow up
to be serial killers.
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52. Thank you for that lovely song.
But I'm not a good person.
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53. This is the only good thing I've ever done
and I did it by accident.
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54. And it just goes to show you
life is just... Ah, what am I saying?
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55. I don't have to tell you how hard life is.
You're the ones with the dead parents.
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56. - My parents are dead?
- No. No. Not necessarily.
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57. Maybe they just didn't want you.
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58. My point is,
I don't understand how people live.
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59. It's amazing to me that people
wake up every morning
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60. and say, "Yeah, another day, let's do it."
How do people do it?
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61. I don't know how.
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62. Yay.
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63. So you see, Todd, the nimble improviser
must navigate the most sensitive of areas.
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64. - And I'm not just talking about the butt.
- Ha.
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65. Copernicus, how do you always come
up with these amazing butt jokes?
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66. When you're a Level Nine, as I am,
you don't come up with butt jokes.
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67. You live truthfully in the moment
and the butt joke comes to you.
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68. So true. So wise.
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69. Listen, I need to "shove off,"
as we sailors say,
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70. on my comedy cruise line, the Giggleship.
I shan't be returning.
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71. - Shan't you?
- I shannot.
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72. I'd like you to join me on the high seas,
as my Number Two
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73. and I don't mean that kind of number two.
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74. What, number two, how do you do that?
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75. If it isn't the furshlugginer putz
who cost me 50 grand.
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76. I'm sorry I bailed in the middle of
production. If there's anything I can do.
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77. Do? What do? Movie's finished.
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78. - We fixed the whole thing in post.
- Really?
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79. Remember your first week, these nerds
made a computer scan of your head
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80. so we could finish
if something happened?
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81. Please don't call us nerds, sir.
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82. Something happened to you,
so these nerds finished the movie.
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83. Look what Computer BoJack can do.
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84. - Help you out of that tree, ma'am?
- Look at him save that cat.
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85. Now there's a protagonist
we can root for.
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86. - You did all that in the computer?
- Not just that.
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87. Computer BoJack had so much charisma
and screen presence we ended up going back
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88. - and replacing you in every scene.
- I'm not in the movie at all?
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89. Not technically, but computer you
is giving the performance of your career.
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90. When people see what you do in this movie,
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91. they are gonna storm
Daniel Day-Lewis's house,
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92. schlep him out into the street,
shoot him in the head.
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93. That's how good your performance is.
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94. It's gonna make Daniel Day-Lewis
look like shit.
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95. - They're gonna hate Daniel Day-Lewis.
- But it's not my performance.
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96. Explain that the widow Day-Lewis.
She'll be devastated. Kaput. Kapleshky.
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97. Are you Jewish? Because I feel
some of these you're just making up.
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98. We got a screening this weekend.
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99. Come see the movie,
we'll schmooze, we'll kibitz,
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100. schlemiel, schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated.
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101. Just think, Carolyn,
in one week, all of this will be ours.
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102. We should a put a social-media desk there.
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103. If we hire someone to micromanage
our clients' online personas
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104. and new media outreach, they'll seem
more grounded down to earth.
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105. Smiling poop emoji,
I love everything about that.
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106. I wanna make sure the couches
we get are really comfortable.
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107. - Just in case we have some late nights.
- Mr. Rabitowitz.
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108. This is a place of business.
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109. Ugh, can we just freeze in this moment
for a second?
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110. I just wanna remember this instant
where for once in my life,
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111. - everything was going...
- Hold that thought.
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112. What is it?
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113. Ugh. My wife and I are going
to the ballet tonight,
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114. there's a real ish
with the restaurant.
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115. - This is the wife you're divorcing, right?
- You know how it is.
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116. You say you want a divorce
and she says, "No, we can make this work."
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117. You go to counseling and
remember why you fell in love with her
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118. in the first place
and then, blah, blah, it's a whole thing.
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119. We've been sleeping together
for three months.
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120. - We're about to start a company together.
- None of that has to change.
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121. I am definitely going to divorce
her probably, it's just...
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122. Ugh. It's hard to explain to someone
who's never been married.
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123. - Listen, this is...
- Oh!
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124. Sorry, Katie just said something funny.
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125. - What?
- I gotta hop. I love you, though.
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126. Ha, ha. Okay, keep the engine running,
I'll be back in a... Oh.
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127. - Hey.
- Hey.
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128. Um, I'm just here to pick up some stuff.
I'm going away for a while.
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129. - Oh, where?
- The Giggleship.
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130. It's the comedy cruise line
People magazine
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131. - once called "a comedy cruise line."
- Comedy cruise line?
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132. Oh right, your improv thing.
How was your, uh, graduation show?
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133. - It was two months ago. You missed it.
- Sorry.
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134. - No, you're not.
- Well...
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135. Hey, do you remember the morning
after my first night here?
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136. I don't know why everyone keeps asking
if I remember things. I don't.
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137. Just as a general rule,
if your question begins, "Do you remember"
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138. and doesn't end with "how much you hated
Moulin Rouge," the answer's no.
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139. I was so happy to have a place
to stay that I made pancakes.
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140. And you kept eating them
so I kept making them.
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141. And then you got mad at me
for letting you eat so many pancakes.
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142. You tried to chase me around the pool,
but you were too hungover
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143. and also full from the pancakes
so instead... you took a nap.
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144. And when you woke up, you said,
"Thanks for the pancakes.
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145. - Now get out of my house."
- I don't remember any of that.
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146. Well, anyway, I'm finally moving out,
just like you wanted.
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147. Good. Honestly, you'll probably
be better off without me.
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148. Yeah. But we had some good times,
though, right?
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149. - Did we?
- Right. Well, um, take care.
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150. Hey, I hope you can find a way
to be happy, BoJack.
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151. - I really do.
- Yeah, okay.
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152. Hey, Todd?
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153. You need to get your shit together.
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154. - Ugh.
- Rutabaga and I are starting a new agency.
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155. I want you to come on board
and write celebrity tweets.
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156. - I don't know how to do that.
- You're a ghost-writer.
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157. It's the same as writing a book,
they're just a lot shorter
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158. and more people read them.
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159. All right, but why are you helping me?
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160. Because my life is a mess right now and I
compulsively take care of other people
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161. when I don't know how
to take care of myself.
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162. Oh. I was hoping it was
because you believed in me.
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163. I don't.
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164. Welcome to my Giggleship.
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165. For us, it's a place to realize
our higher selves. For the paying public,
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166. it's a place to watch improv and drink
watered-down margaritas for 8.99.
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167. Wow, we must all make a lot of money.
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168. No, no, you just get paid
in experience and stage time.
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169. - Which in a way is even better than money.
- Say what?
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170. Look, We've arrived
at your living quarters.
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171. Wow. No more couch-sleeping for this guy.
He gets a mattress.
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172. That's the spirit.
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173. And you can use improv to make
this room anything you want it to be.
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174. My cabin is exactly like yours,
but when I use my imagination,
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175. it becomes a rich stateroom
with a treasure chest full of booty.
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176. I like a big booty, if you know what
I mean. And I don't mean a butt.
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177. You really are the master
of spontaneous witticisms.
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178. All right, you ready? This is go time.
There's no turning back now.
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179. - Oh, I am ready.
- Great.
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180. Now let's get out there and tell all those
garbage rat bastard sons of bastards
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181. what we really think of them,
once and for all.
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182. Everyone. We have an announcement.
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183. Guys, we have an announcement.
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184. - What's going on?
- Mr. Witherspoon's in the hospital.
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185. - He had a stroke.
- Oh.
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186. Well, you know what you rat bastards
can stroke?
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187. - Uh... Oh.
- My big, hairy...
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188. Well, we burned that bridge.
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189. Todd, you should be up a magician's
sleeve because you are a card.
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190. Hey, Bryan. What's going on here?
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191. - He refused to scrub the floors.
- Oh, Bryan.
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192. Please. My knees were cramping
so I needed to stand.
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193. But I'm real good at cleaning windows.
Look.
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194. That's solid space-work.
Bryan, don't worry.
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195. I'm gonna go to Copernicus
and get this sorted out.
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196. Copernicus? Uh, Copernicus?
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197. Huh?
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198. Huh.
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199. Whoa.
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200. One Hundred and One Butt Jokes?
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201. "No parking in the rear?"
Aah!
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202. - Copernicus is a fraud!
- A fraud? Me? Ow.
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203. - Aah.
- I had such high hopes for you, Todd.
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204. Normally, I'd make a perfectly
timed butt joke here,
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205. but as you can see,
I don't have my book.
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206. - Oh!
- Guards, take this subversive
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207. to the Yes And room.
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208. - No.
- Hey, what are you doing?
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209. No. Shame on all of you! Just wait
till you see my Trip Advisor review.
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210. This cruise is getting three stars.
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211. Because I have very
mixed feelings about it.
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212. - Carolyn, we are free.
- Yeah.
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213. Real quick, kiss me once.
Then kiss me twice.
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214. I don't want to do that anymore.
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215. - I told you, we can make this work...
- No. I don't want...
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216. Carolyn, you're a single woman
in your 40s.
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217. - Can you really afford to be picky?
- What?
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218. I'm just saying, what, you think you're
gonna find some perfect unattached guy
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219. who's gonna love you like I do?
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220. Who's gonna make you laugh
and feel good about yourself?
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221. This is it, Carolyn, this is what you get.
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222. If you're holding out
for something better,
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223. well, I hate to break it to you, but
you're gonna be alone for a long time.
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224. I'm not afraid of being alone.
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225. And you might wanna find
someplace else to work
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226. - because you're not coming with me.
- Wait, wait, wait, what?
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227. It's my company.
My name is on all the paperwork.
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228. I think I can do it without you.
Good luck.
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229. - Whoa, Carolyn, we just... Come... Carolyn.
- My name is Princess Carolyn.
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230. And as I held that baby in my arms,
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231. I knew I had been given a second chance.
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232. A chance to finally make things right.
And this time, I was gonna win...
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233. the race of life.
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234. - Whoa. That was actually good.
- We're doing a full awards push.
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235. You should clear your schedule
for the next year.
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236. Buckle up, buddy,
this is the year of Secretariat.
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237. But it wasn't Secretariat.
And it wasn't me. It was a computer.
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238. What difference does it make?
Smile and collect your trophies.
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239. - You know Ana Spanikopita?
- Hello.
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240. - Aah!
- They call her the Oscar whisperer.
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241. - Ana Spanikopita. Big fan.
- Thank you, it's...
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242. I meant you are going to be
a big fan of me
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243. because I am going
to win you an Oscar.
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244. Ana is the best there is.
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245. - You better start writing your speech.
- I don't have to thank my parents, do I?
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246. You're funny.
I am literally laughing out loud.
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247. - Uh...
- We gotta get you on a talk show.
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248. You have any weird history
with Kelly Ripa I should know about?
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249. - No. Well, define "weird."
- You look doughy. Do you run?
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250. - Cardio? Anything?
- I mean, occasionally.
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251. Excuse me?
That was such a beautiful performance.
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252. - So brave.
- Thank you.
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253. Everyone here loves you.
Do you feel that?
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254. - Feel that energy!
- They don't love me.
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255. - They don't know me.
- That's why they love you.
Copy !req
256. He's right. Our research shows
America likes to think they know you,
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257. and then they like learning more
about you, but at a certain point
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258. they pass a threshold where they actually
know you and then they find you weird
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259. and off-putting.
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260. Are you saying that nobody who really
knows me could ever love me?
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261. - No, no, no. Not nobody. No.
- No.
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262. What am I doing here?
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263. I don't know where you're going,
but if you could run there.
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264. Sextina, hi. Thanks for meeting me here.
I'm really excited to be working with you.
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265. Listen, chitch, if you're going
to tweet for Sextina Aquafina,
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266. you need to capture the essence
of my personal brand, okay?
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267. All upper caps, no punctuation, lots
of cryptic bullshit about the Illuminati
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268. and make sure to mention
my preferred brands, okay?
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269. Beats by Dre, Abercrombie and Fitch
and brand fin polish.
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270. - Can you spell that last one?
- No.
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271. I gotta go get my blowhole bleached.
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272. Hey, thank you so much.
You people are the real stars. Huh?
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273. Hi. I'm Sarah Koenig.
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274. This is one ringtone told over
the course of several rings.
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275. And the story it's telling you
is to answer your phone.
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276. - Hello?
- Hey, Diane.
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277. Hey. Uh...
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278. So... How's Cordovia?
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279. It's... hard.
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280. - Do you know where the batteries are?
- What?
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281. - The batteries in the remote died.
- Did you check the junk drawer?
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282. Yeah, I looked in the junk drawer.
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283. I'm gonna take them
out of the smoke detector.
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284. - No, don't do that.
- Well, I'm out of options.
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285. Listen, I know this sounds crazy, but I
think maybe you should get back here
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286. - so you can help me find the batteries.
- Yeah?
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287. I know you're doing important work
and it's a long way to travel,
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288. but I need you here
and I think you should come home.
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289. - Is that really what you want?
- Of course it is.
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290. Well, okay, I'm looking
at this website right now
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291. and it says if I leave immediately,
I can still make it home tonight.
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292. - That sounds great.
- I love you.
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293. I love you, too, Diane.
You know, it's the funniest thing.
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294. There is a woman in this restaurant
who looks just like you.
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295. I guess I just have one of those faces.
Copy !req
296. Okay, party people,
we have time for one more suggestion.
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297. - Todd.
- Did someone say movie theater?
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298. I heard movie theater.
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299. I'm Abe Lincoln and I'm gonna wear
my giant hat to the movies.
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300. Who's this sitting behind me?
John Wilkes Booth. Uh-oh.
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301. - Todd, it's me, BoJack.
- BoJack?
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302. - Todd, I'm getting you out of here.
- I can't leave.
Copy !req
303. I need to take suggestions.
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304. Okay, well, here's a suggestion,
your name is Todd.
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305. You're 24, you live on my couch and
you've always seen the good in me somehow.
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306. You've been brainwashed into thinking
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307. that you belong here, but you don't.
You belong back home.
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308. If you're any kind of improviser,
you'll take that suggestion
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309. and you'll run with it.
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310. Huh.
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311. Let's get out of here.
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312. I'm afraid that getting out of here
is not an option.
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313. - You've seen too much.
- What the hell are you gonna do about it?
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314. - Stop you. With these.
- Oh, no.
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315. - Don't do anything crazy, guys.
- You can't be serious.
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316. - Just get behind me, BoJack.
- No sudden moves.
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317. Be reasonable.
You wouldn't wanna puncture the hull.
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318. Especially not when I have this
smoke bomb. Ka-pow!
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319. - I've lost them. Where did they go?
- Seriously?
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320. Now feel the wrath of my flamethrower.
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321. Too bad we're wearing sunscreen
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322. with SPF a million which protects
against flamethrowers.
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323. Oh, no.
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324. Now we finish this
with our strangle machine.
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325. Beep, boop, boop. Machine?
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326. - Strangle those guys.
- Ugh! BoJack, help.
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327. There is literally nothing
happening to you.
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328. You don't understand, if you die
in improv, you die in real life.
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329. So stupid. Fine.
I guess I have a guard killing machine?
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330. Beep, boop, beep.
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331. No. I have a wife and children.
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332. Well, they're improvised,
but they're real to me.
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333. - Can this be the end?
- This whole ship is full of idiots.
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334. Beep, boop.
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335. Come on, come on, come on.
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336. Come on, come on, Todd.
Almost there.
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337. Wait. Where are you going?
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338. Sorry, improv is fun
and great and everything,
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339. but you guys are really into improv.
I'm gonna go with my friend.
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340. Your friend?
I didn't realize this man was your friend.
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341. Well, then, by all means,
go with him, Todd.
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342. But, see, I thought this was the man
who sabotaged your rock opera.
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343. The one who constantly abuses you and
makes you shower with a hose in the yard.
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344. I invited him to.
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345. The one who's never said a kind word
to you the entire time you've known him.
Copy !req
346. - Is this your friend, Todd?
- It's more complicated than that.
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347. - Is it? We're your friends, Todd.
- More than that, we're a family.
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348. - I, uh...
- Hash browns.
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349. - What?
- I heard hash browns.
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350. - Martha, did you see my hash browns?
- Oh, my God, do you ever turn it off?
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351. It was hash browns, not pancakes.
The first morning you stayed with me.
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352. You kept making them and I kept eating
them and then I threw up in the pool.
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353. That made you throw up in the pool. Then I
got mad at you for throwing up in my pool.
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354. - But, you said, "I'll clean it up."
- And did I clean it up?
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355. No. You didn't.
I had to call the pool cleaner.
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356. - Ha, ha.
- And you said,
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357. "Thank you for letting me stay here.
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358. I don't have anywhere else to go."
And I remember when you said that,
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359. "I don't have anywhere else to go,"
because I felt good about myself.
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360. And I don't feel that way a lot.
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361. Letting you stay with me
was the best thing I ever did on purpose.
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362. I don't think I ever told you that.
But I should have.
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363. Because you're my best friend, Todd.
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364. I'm not gonna lie, if you just made all
that up, that was some really good improv.
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365. Game recognize game.
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366. - Why do you have a boat?
- Uh, I don't remember.
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367. - Hello? Prince?
- Listen, bozo, I keep getting calls
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368. from this New York playwright,
she really wants to talk to you.
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369. - She says you know her, Jill Pill?
- Jill Pill?
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370. Ring any bells?
Apparently, she worked on your TV show.
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371. - Horsin' Around?
- No, actually. The other TV show.
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372. Other TV show? Oh, shit. Jill.
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373. I'm moving into the new office
and I got Herb's ashes here.
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374. I really don't know what
to do with this thing.
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375. - Do you want it?
- Yeah.
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376. Why did I take you with me?
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377. Herb loved orphans.
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378. Mostly as a delivery apparatus
for hackneyed punchlines
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379. and mawkish sentimentality, but still.
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380. And we will do our part
to honor his legacy.
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381. - Hey, who's Jerb?
- What?
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382. Jerb Ka... Why does it say "Jerb Kazzaz?"
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383. Your e-mail said "Jerb."
I forwarded it to the plaque guy.
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384. - Is it not...?
- No, obviously that was a typo.
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385. Why would I want to dedicate the orphanage
to the memory of Jerb Kazzaz?
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386. Kind of sounds like something you'd get
at a Mediterranean restaurant,
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387. but wouldn't finish.
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388. And the waiter would say, "You want me
to box up this jerb kazzaz for you?"
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389. - And you'd say, "No."
- You gotta fix this.
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390. Really? We spent a lot of money
on this plaque, you know?
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391. - And on the t-shirts.
- Jerb's kids?
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392. No, there's no Jerb. It's Herb.
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393. T-shirt's say Jerb
so I'm going by the t-shirts.
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394. You know, Herb would probably think
that this is pretty funny
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395. - that you couldn't even get this right.
- Yeah. He would.
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396. - So, in a way...
- Yeah.
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397. You wanna get some
Mediterranean food?
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398. You read my mind.
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399. Oh, God. Lungs on fire.
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400. Ow. Crap. I hate this.
Running is terrible.
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401. Everything is the worst.
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402. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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403. - It gets easier.
- Huh?
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404. Every day, it gets a little easier.
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405. - Yeah?
- But you gotta do it every day.
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406. That's the hard part.
But it does get easier.
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407. Okay.
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408. Boxer versus raptor.
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
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