1. So... should we talk about
how you just tried to kiss me?Copy !req
2. No, I don't think
we need to talk about that.Copy !req
3. Yeah, you're right.
What's to talk about, right?Copy !req
4. We're f-friends, right?Copy !req
5. - Oh, yeah, totally.
- Yeah, friends.Copy !req
6. And I think it's important
that we stay friends.Copy !req
7. Yeah, I agree.Copy !req
8. And be friends with each other.Copy !req
9. - Yeah, friends.
- And also to each other.Copy !req
10. Plus, hey,
you're getting married.Copy !req
11. That's right.
Next summer.Copy !req
12. Nantucket is great
in the summer.Copy !req
13. Not like L.A.,
which is so hot and dry.Copy !req
14. It is arid.Copy !req
15. Well... see you later!Copy !req
16. We're still a few miles...Copy !req
17. I'll walk.
It's a beautiful night.Copy !req
18. Ah! Sorry, sorry!Copy !req
19. Shit.Copy !req
20. Todd, we gotta stop
this wedding.Copy !req
21. Todd?Copy !req
22. Aw, crap.
I left him in Malibu.Copy !req
23. But wait, doesn't Diane want
to marry Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
24. No, see, she thinks she does,
but she actually doesn't.Copy !req
25. That's why we need to be
good friends right now,Copy !req
26. and put our own feelings asideCopy !req
27. and sabotage
our friend's engagement.Copy !req
28. Oh...Copy !req
29. - Wait? What?
- Oh.Copy !req
30. I got here as soon as I could.
What's the emergency?Copy !req
31. We got to figure out a way
to stop Diane's wedding.Copy !req
32. Okay.Copy !req
33. So when you woke me up
in the middle of the nightCopy !req
34. and told me to rush over here
because of an "emergency,"Copy !req
35. the emergency
you were referring toCopy !req
36. was Diane getting married
a year from now?Copy !req
37. - Yeah, you got any ideas?
- I'm done.Copy !req
38. I'm not going to waste
another thought on you.Copy !req
39. I am at a bar.
It's the weekend.Copy !req
40. I'm gonna enjoy myself.Copy !req
41. Look, if you don't have
any ideas,Copy !req
42. just say you don't have
any ideas.Copy !req
43. Yoo-hoo!
Buy me a drink.Copy !req
44. Uh, okay.Copy !req
45. What's your name, stud?Copy !req
46. Vincent.Copy !req
47. Adult... man.Copy !req
48. Vincent Adultman.Copy !req
49. Ya hear that, BoJack?Copy !req
50. Vincent is an adult,Copy !req
51. and I'll bet he knows
how to treat a lady.Copy !req
52. He very clearly
isn't and doesn't.Copy !req
53. Would you like alcohol?Copy !req
54. I certainly would,Copy !req
55. you sophisticated smooth talker.Copy !req
56. Mmm!
Tell me all about you.Copy !req
57. Mm...Copy !req
58. I like business...
transactions.Copy !req
59. Are you seriously trying
to make me jealousCopy !req
60. by flirting with
what is very obviouslyCopy !req
61. just three kids stacked on topCopy !req
62. of each other
under a trench coat?Copy !req
63. Vinnie, what does a guy
like you do for fun?Copy !req
64. I don't have time
for these shenanigans.Copy !req
65. I got a wedding to shanghai.Copy !req
66. Good luck with
your business transactions.Copy !req
67. - Thanks.
- Ugh!Copy !req
68. Officer.Copy !req
69. The mail truck pulled up
right next to me.Copy !req
70. I got a bad vibe.
What was I supposed to do?Copy !req
71. Not chase the mail truck?Copy !req
72. Mr. Peanutbutter,
I'm a big fan,Copy !req
73. so I'm gonna let you off
with a warning this time.Copy !req
74. - Aah!
- Mr. Peanutbutter!Copy !req
75. Hey, honeysuckle.
Great news.Copy !req
76. I got to ride in a police car.Copy !req
77. Bad news...
I lost my driver's license.Copy !req
78. Let me guess.Copy !req
79. Were you chasing
the mailman again?Copy !req
80. Yeah, why?
Did you see him out there too?Copy !req
81. Nothing stops them.Copy !req
82. Not rain, not sleet,
not dead of night,Copy !req
83. not gates!Copy !req
84. Anyway, I need a little favor.Copy !req
85. Can you... drive me
everywhere I need to goCopy !req
86. for the next three months?Copy !req
87. I really can't, sweetheart.
I'm super busy.Copy !req
88. Oh, you're working
on our wedding registry.Copy !req
89. - I'm writing my book.
- Right.Copy !req
90. But don't forget
about the registry.Copy !req
91. Mr. Peanutbutter,
you know I love you.Copy !req
92. And you know I am really excited
about getting married,Copy !req
93. but right now I'm working,Copy !req
94. and I have a lot of thoughts
in my head,Copy !req
95. and I can't really think
about our weddingCopy !req
96. or the future
or me being married to you.Copy !req
97. Okay.
What's going on?Copy !req
98. Talk to me like
I'm Michelle PfeifferCopy !req
99. in the Coolio video.Copy !req
100. Just... Well, um...
with the leg...Copy !req
101. Hmm, all right.Copy !req
102. And Coolio.Copy !req
103. Nothing's going on.Copy !req
104. It's just that this wedding
is kind ofCopy !req
105. starting to feel like a lot.Copy !req
106. Honey, relax.
Getting married is easy.Copy !req
107. I mean,
I've already done it twice.Copy !req
108. It's fine.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
109. I just... need to focus
on the book right now.Copy !req
110. So that's still a no
on driving me around?Copy !req
111. - Why don't you hire a driver?
- Eh-eh-eh-deh...Copy !req
112. Is there a light bulb
above my head?Copy !req
113. Because while you were talking,
I just got an amazing idea.Copy !req
114. I should hire a driver!Copy !req
115. Oh, this will be a romp.Copy !req
116. If I know me,
this will be a romp.Copy !req
117. I'm not sure how I feelCopy !req
118. about breaking and entering,
BoJack.Copy !req
119. Well, that's the beauty part.Copy !req
120. The B&E is really
the least illegal pieceCopy !req
121. of this 12-point master plan.Copy !req
122. - Have you got your tool kit?
- Check.Copy !req
123. - Burner phone?
- Check.Copy !req
124. - Cyanide capsule?
- Check.Copy !req
125. Wait, why do we need...Copy !req
126. Okay, let's get started.Copy !req
127. Step one: Enter the study.Copy !req
128. Step two: Plant incriminating...Copy !req
129. - Hello? Todd?
- Uh...Copy !req
130. - Hi, Mr. Peanutbutter.
- Take the cyanide, Todd.Copy !req
131. Take the cyanide!Copy !req
132. And hup. Hup.Copy !req
133. And hup... No.Copy !req
134. Are you here to interview
to be my driver?Copy !req
135. Um... yes, I am.Copy !req
136. Brilliant.Copy !req
137. I didn't even post the ad yet.Copy !req
138. Here's me thinking
destiny over here.Copy !req
139. And hup. Yeah!Copy !req
140. Hu-aah!Copy !req
141. Thank you for your interest
in the role of driver.Copy !req
142. I know you don't have
your resume with you,Copy !req
143. so I've taken the liberty
of letting you use mine.Copy !req
144. Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
145. Here, business boss.Copy !req
146. Let's just have a look here.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
147. Oh, ho, with a resume like this,Copy !req
148. you should be the one
hiring a driver.Copy !req
149. Just kidding.Copy !req
150. I know it's my resume.Copy !req
151. But I see you went
to Northwestern.Copy !req
152. You know,
I'm an N.U. man myself.Copy !req
153. Go, fighting Westerns.Copy !req
154. And it says here you doCopy !req
155. a great Rodney Dangerfield
impression.Copy !req
156. Give us a taste.Copy !req
157. Uh, okay.Copy !req
158. "I'm Roger Dangerfield."Copy !req
159. No respect, indeed.Copy !req
160. Todd, you got the job.Copy !req
161. Oh.Copy !req
162. Can you believe this weather
we're having?Copy !req
163. No, I cannot believe
this weather we're having!Copy !req
164. Oh, wow.
We make a great pair.Copy !req
165. It's like I'm Miss Daisy,
and you're Minnie Driver.Copy !req
166. Hey, I'm bored.Copy !req
167. And I think Todd swallowed
a cyanide pillCopy !req
168. and might be dead.Copy !req
169. Wanna come over and bang it out?Copy !req
170. Appealing as that sounds,Copy !req
171. I have lunch plans with Vincent.Copy !req
172. I know that might be hard
for you to hear.Copy !req
173. Wait, that guy from the bar
who is actually three boysCopy !req
174. stacked on top of each other
under a trench coat?Copy !req
175. Well, don't fly into
a jealous rage about it.Copy !req
176. Not jealous.Copy !req
177. Just reminding you that
you are tryingCopy !req
178. to have a relationship
with someone who is...Copy !req
179. And again, it's bizarreCopy !req
180. I should have to point
this out... three young boysCopy !req
181. stacked on top of each other
under a trench coat.Copy !req
182. He listens to me.Copy !req
183. Okay, okay, but can
you just acknowledge that...Copy !req
184. - That you are being jealous?
- Oh, oh!Copy !req
185. Already acknowledged.Copy !req
186. Toodles.Copy !req
187. - Look who's not dead.
- Better than not dead.Copy !req
188. You are looking at
Mr. Peanutbutter's new driver.Copy !req
189. You're his driver?
That's perfect.Copy !req
190. Now you can infiltrate
Mr. Peanutbutter's inner circle.Copy !req
191. I don't know, BoJack.Copy !req
192. Sure, you'll act all friendly,Copy !req
193. gain his trust,
chauffer him aroundCopy !req
194. on his little errands
to the groomer and whatnot,Copy !req
195. but all the while,
you'll be studying him,Copy !req
196. scouring out his weaknesses,Copy !req
197. biding your time
till we're ready to strike.Copy !req
198. And once you zero in
on his Achilles' heel,Copy !req
199. we will take... him... down.Copy !req
200. Hooray. Betrayal.Copy !req
201. Oh, man. Oh, man.Copy !req
202. - Keep it cool, Todd.
- Hey, pal.Copy !req
203. If you're making
small talk up there,Copy !req
204. how about sending
a little my way?Copy !req
205. Um... can you believe
this weather we're having?Copy !req
206. No, I cannot believe
this weather we're having!Copy !req
207. Hey, weren't you supposed
to be hereCopy !req
208. like a half hour ago?Copy !req
209. Yeah, I've just been
sitting in my car.Copy !req
210. Listen, I was looking
over my notes,Copy !req
211. and I think I have enough
to go write the book,Copy !req
212. so...
I'm just going to do that.Copy !req
213. You don't want
to interview me anymore?Copy !req
214. But don't you want to know
what my Rosebud is?Copy !req
215. You told me repeatedly
it was the nudie magazineCopy !req
216. your uncle showed you
with the three-nippled woman.Copy !req
217. - Who was she?
- I got it all.Copy !req
218. Oh, okay.Copy !req
219. Well, I'll see you
around though, right?Copy !req
220. Yeah.
I, um...Copy !req
221. Why did you have to make
things weird, BoJack?Copy !req
222. I made things weird?Copy !req
223. So if you see anythingCopy !req
224. you know we need,
like this biscuit warmer,Copy !req
225. you just run the laser
over the barcode,Copy !req
226. and kablamsky!Copy !req
227. It goes in the registry.Copy !req
228. And that way, everybody knows
what I want.Copy !req
229. - And I know what I want.
- Uh...Copy !req
230. Which is what everyone wants.Copy !req
231. And it's really clear,Copy !req
232. and nobody's confused
about anything.Copy !req
233. Am I crazy,
or are you not into this?Copy !req
234. No, I am. It's just...Copy !req
235. The big wedding in Nantucket,
all these presents...Copy !req
236. I'm so overwhelmed,
I can barely considerCopy !req
237. whether I want or need
a biscuit warmer,Copy !req
238. which I think is how people
end up with biscuit warmers.Copy !req
239. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
240. Close your eyes.
Come on.Copy !req
241. Okay, picture
our lives together.Copy !req
242. It's a cold Sunday morning
a bunch of years from now.Copy !req
243. Maybe robots have taken over,
maybe they haven't.Copy !req
244. I don't know.
It's the future.Copy !req
245. This story isn't about that.Copy !req
246. The important thing is
it's Sunday morning.Copy !req
247. I brought you the paper,
fetched your slippers.Copy !req
248. You come into the kitchen...
Can you smell biscuits?Copy !req
249. - Yes.
- So can I.Copy !req
250. - Are they warm?
- Yeah.Copy !req
251. Well, that's all
a biscuit warmer's for.Copy !req
252. Look, if marriage
stresses you out,Copy !req
253. we don't have to get married.Copy !req
254. It's not the marriage.Copy !req
255. It's the wedding
and the year of build-up.Copy !req
256. So forget all that.Copy !req
257. I've done
the whole big wedding thing.Copy !req
258. I don't need to do it again.Copy !req
259. Let's do something
small and casualCopy !req
260. right here in town next month.Copy !req
261. Honestly, that would be amazing.Copy !req
262. But we'd have to cancel
the doves,Copy !req
263. and we wouldn't be able
to send outCopy !req
264. those fancy invitations
you liked.Copy !req
265. Those doves were being
jerks anyway.Copy !req
266. And invitations...
They're just a scamCopy !req
267. made up by the Post Office
to keep tabs on us.Copy !req
268. Post Office.Copy !req
269. Settle down, boy.Copy !req
270. And then we talked about
his favorite Smash Mouth CDs.Copy !req
271. And... Oh, oh.Copy !req
272. And then that led to a whole
conversations about sticks.Copy !req
273. Oh, and let me tell you,Copy !req
274. Mr. Peanutbutter has got some
serious opinions about sticks.Copy !req
275. Why are you telling me this?Copy !req
276. What? You said
you wanted every detail.Copy !req
277. Did I mention
he got a new bandana?Copy !req
278. Give me something I can useCopy !req
279. to make them call off
their wedding.Copy !req
280. Oh, yeah.
Did I not tell you?Copy !req
281. They called off their wedding.Copy !req
282. What? Thank God!Copy !req
283. Oh, the universe makes sense.Copy !req
284. They decided against
a big destination wedding,Copy !req
285. so they're doing it hereCopy !req
286. - sometime next month.
- What?Copy !req
287. I guess saying
they called it offCopy !req
288. is probably not right.Copy !req
289. Hey, what's this?Copy !req
290. Oh, yes, I got jury duty,Copy !req
291. but I can't worry
about that right now.Copy !req
292. That is a problem for
Friday BoJack.Copy !req
293. Now think, Todd.
Gotta have something I can useCopy !req
294. sloshing around in that
pot-infused Jell-O shotCopy !req
295. - you call a brain.
- Let's see.Copy !req
296. Mr. Peanutbutter likes having
his tummy scratched,Copy !req
297. and Diane's family
is from Vietnam,Copy !req
298. which is where Vietnamese food
comes from,Copy !req
299. and since that goes
in your tummy...Copy !req
300. Okay, stop thinking.
Just give me raw data.Copy !req
301. What's happening this week?Copy !req
302. Well, the circus is in town.Copy !req
303. Congress is going to vote
on the new Education Bill...Copy !req
304. With Mr. Peanutbutter!Copy !req
305. What's happening
with Mr. Peanutbutter?Copy !req
306. Well, I'm taking Diane and himCopy !req
307. to the bank on Thursday.Copy !req
308. I can use that.
I can actually use that.Copy !req
309. I don't know if I'm upCopy !req
310. for staging
a bank robbery, BoJack.Copy !req
311. Oh, come on, character
actress Margo Martindale.Copy !req
312. They say that there are
no good partsCopy !req
313. for women over 50.Copy !req
314. I want to stick an AK-47Copy !req
315. in your hand
and prove them wrong.Copy !req
316. I do tire of the limitationsCopy !req
317. of stage, film, and television.Copy !req
318. You might as well perform
in a cage, am I right?Copy !req
319. This is guerilla theater...Copy !req
320. No stage, no script, no net.Copy !req
321. It's the kind of work
we talked aboutCopy !req
322. doing that night in the desert.Copy !req
323. Don't tell me we left
those dreams in the sweat lodge.Copy !req
324. Hell, I'll do it.Copy !req
325. And that little boy
never found his mother.Copy !req
326. Hey, guys.Copy !req
327. BoJack Horseman?Copy !req
328. Oh. Hi.Copy !req
329. What a weird coincidence.Copy !req
330. I did not know
you would be here today.Copy !req
331. How are... things?Copy !req
332. Things are good.
You?Copy !req
333. Things good with you?Copy !req
334. Hands behind your head,
everybody.Copy !req
335. Nobody moves, nobody gets shot.Copy !req
336. What an unfortunate surprise.Copy !req
337. Well, well,
isn't that a pretty ring?Copy !req
338. This one.Copy !req
339. Well, well,
isn't that a pretty ring?Copy !req
340. I'll take it.Copy !req
341. But it's my engagement ring.Copy !req
342. Give it to her, Diane.Copy !req
343. - It's just a ring.
- Just a ring?Copy !req
344. That ring is a symbol
of your love.Copy !req
345. If you don't care
about the ring,Copy !req
346. it really makes me wonder
if you care aboutCopy !req
347. the woman wearing it.Copy !req
348. That terrifying bank robberCopy !req
349. is making
some very cogent points.Copy !req
350. No, Mr. Peanutbutter's right.Copy !req
351. If the ring is
just a symbol for love,Copy !req
352. why would I need a symbolCopy !req
353. when I have the real thing
right here?Copy !req
354. Yeah, we don't need rings,
we have each other.Copy !req
355. Hey, why are we even waiting
a month to get married?Copy !req
356. If anything, this bank robbery
is reminding meCopy !req
357. that life is short.Copy !req
358. We should get married
even sooner!Copy !req
359. No...Copy !req
360. What do you mean sooner?Copy !req
361. Why not this weekend?Copy !req
362. We could get married Saturday.Copy !req
363. Am I crazy?Copy !req
364. Yes. Don't do it.Copy !req
365. - Oh, keep the damn thing.
- Aw.Copy !req
366. Okay.
Saturday it is.Copy !req
367. What the hell just happened?Copy !req
368. Something truly beauti...Copy !req
369. Aah!Copy !req
370. - Oh.
- Get your hands off me!Copy !req
371. Uh-oh.Copy !req
372. Long story short,Copy !req
373. Erica did have to lose the foot,Copy !req
374. but she gained a friend.Copy !req
375. Sorry, kind of went off
on a tangent there.Copy !req
376. Diane and I wanna thank you allCopy !req
377. for coming to our
impromptu rehearsal dinner,Copy !req
378. even though
we did not actually have timeCopy !req
379. - to organize a rehearsal.
- Or a dinner.Copy !req
380. But there is an open bar...Copy !req
381. which you are
all welcome to partake inCopy !req
382. as soon as I finish this toast,Copy !req
383. which I will be doing right...Copy !req
384. after one more quick anecdote.Copy !req
385. It was winter in Prague,Copy !req
386. and the consumption hung low
in the air.Copy !req
387. Well, the bank thing was a dud.Copy !req
388. Thanks a lot, Todd.Copy !req
389. Well, you win some,
you lose some.Copy !req
390. It's like Vincent always says...Copy !req
391. - "Oopsy."
- Vincent?Copy !req
392. Yeah,
Princess Carolyn's boyfriend.Copy !req
393. We've hung out a couple times.Copy !req
394. - What are you ta...
- That dude is funny.Copy !req
395. You know he's not
a person, right?Copy !req
396. Look, I don't want to getCopy !req
397. in the middle
of your whole thingCopy !req
398. with Princess Carolyn.Copy !req
399. It's not about that.Copy !req
400. I just don't understand
why nobody elseCopy !req
401. seems to notice
that she is dating a manCopy !req
402. who is clearly three little boysCopy !req
403. doing the thing
from The Little Rascals.Copy !req
404. Oh, that reminds me
of another funny story.Copy !req
405. If I could say a few words?Copy !req
406. BoJack Horseman.
Take the mic.Copy !req
407. Spin us a yarn.Copy !req
408. Mr. Peanutbutter, Diane.Copy !req
409. Since I am friends
with both of youCopy !req
410. - and have no ulterior motives...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
411. I would like to offer
my restaurantCopy !req
412. as a venue for your wedding.Copy !req
413. Wow! Really?Copy !req
414. I don't know.
That's too generous.Copy !req
415. Hey, don't look a horse's gift
in the mouth, right?Copy !req
416. I get it.
Like the song.Copy !req
417. That's not a song.Copy !req
418. All right, everyone.Copy !req
419. That's it for the toasts.Copy !req
420. Enjoy yourselves and each other.Copy !req
421. This is perfect.Copy !req
422. Now that the wedding's
at my restaurant,Copy !req
423. we have
the home field advantage.Copy !req
424. Perfect for sabotage.Copy !req
425. BoJack, I need to thank you.Copy !req
426. You calling me to the bar
the other nightCopy !req
427. turned out to be the best thingCopy !req
428. that ever happened to me.Copy !req
429. - I think I'm in love.
- Okay.Copy !req
430. This "person"
you're in love with...Copy !req
431. Have you seen him
without his trench coat on?Copy !req
432. I don't understand why
you can't be happy for me.Copy !req
433. He's a good boyfriend.Copy !req
434. I actually think you and VincentCopy !req
435. would really hit it off
if you gave him a chance.Copy !req
436. You should spend some
one-on-one time with him.Copy !req
437. You mean one-on-three time?Copy !req
438. Because there are three of him.Copy !req
439. We get it.
You don't like him.Copy !req
440. I'm actually not sure
you do get it.Copy !req
441. I know what's been going on.Copy !req
442. Ah!
I wasn't gonna pee.Copy !req
443. I was just taking my penis out.Copy !req
444. You've been driving me around,Copy !req
445. but there was something else
happening the whole time.Copy !req
446. I see it now.Copy !req
447. What are you talking about?Copy !req
448. You weren't just working
as my driver, Todd.Copy !req
449. You were becoming my friend.Copy !req
450. Oh, yeah.
That was happening.Copy !req
451. Well, I could use a friend
right about now.Copy !req
452. There's something I really
gotta get off my chest,Copy !req
453. and if it got out, it could
destroy the whole wedding.Copy !req
454. No, I'm not great
with sensitive information.Copy !req
455. I don't know if I'm ready
to get married again.Copy !req
456. Don't get me wrong.
I love Diane so much.Copy !req
457. I didn't have any doubtsCopy !req
458. until I realized she had doubts.Copy !req
459. Then I figured
she's smarter than I am.Copy !req
460. Maybe she knows things I don't.Copy !req
461. You are kind of unloadingCopy !req
462. a lot of sensitive information here.Copy !req
463. Sure, I think I'm ready
to commit to Diane,Copy !req
464. but I can't even commit
to my favorite type of stick.Copy !req
465. Yes, today, it's short
and knobby, but tomorrow?Copy !req
466. Well, sure, Diane is short,
but I don't know about knobby.Copy !req
467. The last thing I want to do
is hurt Diane,Copy !req
468. but I keep having this dream
where she's gone.Copy !req
469. There's no break-up, no tragedy.Copy !req
470. She's just gone, and my life
continues without her.Copy !req
471. And it terrifies me to say this,Copy !req
472. but in the dream I feel...
relief.Copy !req
473. Hey, thanks for listening
to all this.Copy !req
474. You're
a really good friend, Todd.Copy !req
475. Since you weren't able
to give me any useful intel,Copy !req
476. I had to offer up my restaurant,Copy !req
477. but now, we're on my turf.Copy !req
478. Time for operation "I don't."Copy !req
479. Yeah, sounds good.Copy !req
480. You know, with my knackCopy !req
481. for coming up with plans
and your abilityCopy !req
482. to hear them
without contributingCopy !req
483. more than three words at a time,Copy !req
484. we make a pretty good team,
don't we, Todd?Copy !req
485. - You said it.
- See?Copy !req
486. Beloved character actress
Margo MartindaleCopy !req
487. is in police custody tonightCopy !req
488. for her role in
a failed bank robbery.Copy !req
489. Margo Martindale?Copy !req
490. But first, pizza for breakfast?Copy !req
491. The answer might surprise you.Copy !req
492. I know her, but how?
Wait.Copy !req
493. She was at the convenience storeCopy !req
494. the night I bought
that video gameCopy !req
495. and ruined my rock opera.Copy !req
496. She's the one who asked meCopy !req
497. to hand her that tape
from the 10¢ bin.Copy !req
498. That means
Margo Martindale likes tapes!Copy !req
499. And a tape is something
you listen to,Copy !req
500. but tape is also a sticky thingCopy !req
501. you can use to seal boxes.Copy !req
502. Boxes is what cereal comes in.Copy !req
503. What does it all mean?Copy !req
504. Am I just grasping at straws?Copy !req
505. Wait.
Straws... That's it.Copy !req
506. Straws are used
to drink soda or water,Copy !req
507. and plants need water.Copy !req
508. And BoJack used Margo Martindale
as a plantCopy !req
509. at the bank
and the convenience store,Copy !req
510. which means... Ugh!Copy !req
511. BoJack hired Margo MartindaleCopy !req
512. to make me find that video gameCopy !req
513. so he could kill my rock opera!Copy !req
514. Aw, dude.Copy !req
515. - Rise and shine, Todd.
- I didn't sleep.Copy !req
516. Well, we're down to the wire,
but we still gotCopy !req
517. one more day to figure out
how to stop this wedding,Copy !req
518. and I can't afford to waste
one second, so let's get...Copy !req
519. Oh, shit.
Forgot about jury duty.Copy !req
520. Damn you, Tuesday BoJack.Copy !req
521. - And so, you saw the defendant.
- Yes.Copy !req
522. That man, the defendant...
You saw him?Copy !req
523. Come on, come on, come on.
Hurry up.Copy !req
524. - That's correct.
- The defendant was seen by you.Copy !req
525. Sweet Jesus.Copy !req
526. Some of us have weddings
to ruin.Copy !req
527. Yes.Copy !req
528. No further questions,
Your Honor.Copy !req
529. I'm sorry. I misspoke.Copy !req
530. A lot of further questions.Copy !req
531. The jury finds the defendant
not guilty on all charges.Copy !req
532. We did the right thing today,
BoJack.Copy !req
533. But you know who
the real winner is?Copy !req
534. - Justice.
- Mr. Peanutbutter.Copy !req
535. BoJack.Copy !req
536. There's my superstar.Copy !req
537. - How are you?
- Amazing!Copy !req
538. This has been
the role of a lifetime.Copy !req
539. I think they're gonna
send me up to Lompoc,Copy !req
540. and when I get there,
I'm gonna findCopy !req
541. the meanest, hardest queen bitch
of the yard,Copy !req
542. and I'm going to bite
her finger off.Copy !req
543. That'll show everyone
I'm crazy,Copy !req
544. and you don't mess with crazy.Copy !req
545. Plus, free finger.Copy !req
546. Oh, here I am blabbering
on about my plans.Copy !req
547. Did you ever stop that wedding?Copy !req
548. It's actually happening
right now.Copy !req
549. I ran out of time.Copy !req
550. I never understood whyCopy !req
551. it was so important to keep
those two apart.Copy !req
552. I was just trying to be
a good friendCopy !req
553. in my own
shitty, ass-backwards way.Copy !req
554. Diane deserves the best.Copy !req
555. She's smart
and kind and beautiful,Copy !req
556. and it's gonna be
mostly synonyms from here onCopy !req
557. if I keep going,Copy !req
558. and I'm in love with her.Copy !req
559. Tell her that, BoJack.Copy !req
560. You don't need kooky schemes
or nutty capers.Copy !req
561. Just go to her
and speak from your heart.Copy !req
562. Then find the biggest person
at the weddingCopy !req
563. and bite his finger off!Copy !req
564. You're right, partly.Copy !req
565. I've gotta tell her how I feel.Copy !req
566. Okay, I'm gonna do it.Copy !req
567. Good luck with
your finger thing.Copy !req
568. Todd, thank God you're here!Copy !req
569. Did I miss it?
Is it too late?Copy !req
570. Dude. I'm done with this.
No. No.Copy !req
571. Mr. Peanutbutter's
been nice to me.Copy !req
572. Mr. Peanutbutter
is nice to everybody.Copy !req
573. That's what makes him so stupid.Copy !req
574. No, I'm stupid.Copy !req
575. But even I know
that the only reasonCopy !req
576. you're doing this is because
you're in love with Diane.Copy !req
577. Yes, that's right.Copy !req
578. And I'm here to finally
tell her how I feel.Copy !req
579. BoJack, she knows how you feel.Copy !req
580. How?
I barely just realized...Copy !req
581. Hey, man, she made her choice.Copy !req
582. Look around.
This day is not about you, okay?Copy !req
583. So maybe you should
just stop tryingCopy !req
584. to mess
with other people's lives.Copy !req
585. I never thought I wanted
to get married.Copy !req
586. It's so weird,Copy !req
587. this idea of dedicating
yourself to somethingCopy !req
588. for the rest of your life.Copy !req
589. Like, how could you know, right?Copy !req
590. But then I realized it's okay
to not know everything.Copy !req
591. And some things take
a leap of faith.Copy !req
592. Mr. Peanutbutter, I want
to take that leap with you.Copy !req
593. By the power vested in me
by one of those dumb websites,Copy !req
594. I now pronounce you married.Copy !req
595. Go ahead.
Kiss, you lovesick dummies.Copy !req
596. Hey, Todd. Todd.Copy !req
597. Thanks for hearing me out
the other night.Copy !req
598. I'm really glad I went
through with this.Copy !req
599. This is the happiest day
of my life.Copy !req
600. Always happy to be of service.Copy !req
601. Oh, and, um,
I got you something.Copy !req
602. Todd Chavez?Copy !req
603. Hey.
That name's my name.Copy !req
604. What's "PB Livin'"?Copy !req
605. My film production company.
Read your title.Copy !req
606. "Executive Vice President
of West Coast Operations."Copy !req
607. Whoa! Does that mean
I control the waves?Copy !req
608. No, it means
you're my assistant.Copy !req
609. You've got a big future
ahead of you,Copy !req
610. and I don't want you
to waste any time looking back.Copy !req
611. So I got all my cars' mirrors
taken off.Copy !req
612. Isn't that kind of dangerous?Copy !req
613. What do I care?
I'm not driving.Copy !req
614. Hey, BoJack.
Thanks for coming.Copy !req
615. I wasn't sure
you were gonna make it.Copy !req
616. Wouldn't have missed it
for the world.Copy !req
617. You're a good friend.
I'm really glad to know you.Copy !req
618. - Mwah.
- Sorry that I...Copy !req
619. If I made things weird.Copy !req
620. They weren't that weird.Copy !req
621. - Oh.
- Diane, honey?Copy !req
622. Oh, I gotta go
dance with my husband.Copy !req
623. I'm married!Copy !req
624. Hi.Copy !req
625. So you're the quote-unquote
person, singular,Copy !req
626. that everyone's so crazy about.Copy !req
627. What have you got figured out
that I don't?Copy !req
628. Um, adult stuff.Copy !req
629. Yeah, I'm not seeing it.Copy !req
630. But that doesn't matter.
Not everything's about me.Copy !req
631. And maybe I am a little jealous.Copy !req
632. Not because I actually want to
date Princess Carolyn anymore,Copy !req
633. but just because I don't like
the idea that I can't.Copy !req
634. I guess I just assumed
I always could.Copy !req
635. But I made
a lot of bad decisions.Copy !req
636. Not just with her.
With...Copy !req
637. with everyone, really.Copy !req
638. You know,
Princess Carolyn was right.Copy !req
639. - You are a good listener.
- Thanks.Copy !req
640. You know, sometimes I feel
like I was born with a leak,Copy !req
641. and any goodness I started
with just slowlyCopy !req
642. spilled out of me,
and now it's all gone.Copy !req
643. And I'll never get it
back in me.Copy !req
644. It's too late.Copy !req
645. Life is a series of
closing doors, isn't it?Copy !req
646. Don't be sad.Copy !req
647. Good horsey.Copy !req
648. That actually feels
kind of nice.Copy !req
649. Boxer versus raptor.Copy !req