1. We're very different,
but I think that we bring out
Copy !req
2. the best in each other.
Copy !req
3. It's like you're chocolate
and I'm Mr. Peanutbutter.
Copy !req
4. Shut up and kiss me,
you silly goof.
Copy !req
5. Cut!
Copy !req
6. Welcome back to Excess Hollywoo.
Copy !req
7. I'm A Ryan Seacrest Type,
and I'm visiting the set
Copy !req
8. of Mr. Peanutbutter's Hollywoo Heist.
Copy !req
9. I'm thrilled to be talking
to the star of the film,
Copy !req
10. BoJack Horseman, and his
real life inspiration,
Copy !req
11. Mr. Peanutbutter.
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12. Am I an inspiration?
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13. Well, that depends
on how you define...
Copy !req
14. - Wait a minute. Yes, I am.
- Ugh.
Copy !req
15. You know, I'm just over
the moon to be producing
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16. this movie
about my daring exploit.
Copy !req
17. - Yes, yourdaring exploit.
- Yes.
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18. It's such a treat to be
shooting in my very own casa.
Copy !req
19. And it's an even sweeter treat
to be played by my good amigo...
Copy !req
20. Dare I say best amigo?
Copy !req
21. - You "daren't."
- We're so in tune.
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22. We even finish each other's...
Copy !req
23. sentences.
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24. Sometimes it doesn't happen.
Copy !req
25. - It never...
- Happens.
Copy !req
26. Ah, see?
I'm inside him.
Copy !req
27. BoJack, you haven't worked
in quite some time.
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28. In fact,
I thought you were dead.
Copy !req
29. You must be so grateful to be
working again and also alive,
Copy !req
30. which, again,
I thought you were not.
Copy !req
31. How did you get involved
with this?
Copy !req
32. Well...
Copy !req
33. You want me to play
Mr. Peanutbutter
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34. in the story he stole from me?
Copy !req
35. I stole the D,
Copy !req
36. and then he stole
my stealing of it.
Copy !req
37. That makes him an idea thief,
which is much less cool
Copy !req
38. than a thief thief,
which is what I am
Copy !req
39. and what he also is.
Copy !req
40. You know what might help?
Copy !req
41. If you think about this
like a professional
Copy !req
42. instead of a big titty baby.
Copy !req
43. This movie is
a huge opportunity.
Copy !req
44. Quentin Tarantulino is known
for revitalizing dead careers.
Copy !req
45. This could do for you
what Reservoir Dogs
Copy !req
46. did for Rin Tin Tin.
Copy !req
47. But isn't there any other part?
Copy !req
48. I could play myself.
Copy !req
49. No, BoJack's already being
played by Wallace Shawn.
Copy !req
50. What? The short guy
from The Princess Bride
Copy !req
51. who says "inconceivable"?
Copy !req
52. - Why Wallace Shawn?
- BoJack Horseman?
Copy !req
53. I don't want to play that boob.
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54. I'm trying to help
you out, Wally.
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55. You're the one who keeps
buying expensive Rothkos.
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56. I have a disease.
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57. Would you tell an alcoholic
to stop buying alcohol?
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58. You know,
Black and Blue Number 7's
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59. going up for auction next week.
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60. Fine.
I'll do the dumb movie.
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61. Fine.
I'll do the dumb movie.
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62. But if you find me in a bathtub
with open wrists tomorrow
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63. and the words "I hate my agent"
smeared across the walls
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64. in blood, you'll know why.
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65. So obviously I'm thrilled
to be here, just thrilled.
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66. Cast and crew only.
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67. I know you're
just doing your job,
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68. but I live here, and the crew
has been here since 3:00 a.m.,
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69. so I'm a little tired.
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70. Cast and crew only.
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71. Hey, stranger.
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72. Haven't really seen you
since the wedding.
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73. Kind of feels like we're
coming back to school
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74. - after summer vacation.
- Yeah.
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75. I'll see you at the pep rally.
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76. Hope we don't get Mrs. Kirkman
for trig this year.
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77. Yeah, well, I hope
the cheerleaders don't stuff me
Copy !req
78. in a locker and write
"virgin slut" on my forehead,
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79. and then when I ask how
I could be both a virgin
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80. and a slut,
they make me eat a lipstick.
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81. Uh...
Copy !req
82. So what have you been up to
these last couple months?
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83. Well, I've been pretty busy.
Met a girl at Soho House.
Copy !req
84. - Was she your waitress?
- Yes.
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85. Then I met a girl at Mastro's.
Copy !req
86. - Was she also your waitress?
- Yes.
Copy !req
87. Then I met a girl
at P.F. Chang's.
Copy !req
88. Let me guess.
She was your...
Copy !req
89. A hooker, yes,
but what she really wants to do
Copy !req
90. is wait tables.
Copy !req
91. Well, I, for one,
would love to meet
Copy !req
92. the aspiring food-service worker
Copy !req
93. who finally gets you
to settle down.
Copy !req
94. What?
Why would I want to settle down?
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95. I'm 50.
Copy !req
96. - Yeah, anyway...
- So I'm sending the first draft
Copy !req
97. of the book to Pinky
this afternoon.
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98. - What? It's done?
- Not yet. Almost.
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99. I'm excited for you to read it,
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100. but I'm also
cripplingly nervous.
Copy !req
101. I actually kind of feel
like throwing up,
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102. but I can't throw up because
I haven't had anything to eat
Copy !req
103. because this lady won't let me
in my own kitchen.
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104. Cast and crew only.
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105. Listen, if reading a book
you wrote is anywhere near
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106. as great as it is
to actually spend time with you,
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107. I'm sure
it's gonna be wonderful.
Copy !req
108. Having said that,
what do I know about books?
Copy !req
109. I'm just a dumb actor.
Copy !req
110. I'm here with Hollywoo darling
Naomi Watts.
Copy !req
111. Tell me, what attracted you
to the role of Diane?
Copy !req
112. I just keep getting pigeonholed
Copy !req
113. as these complex characters
in highly acclaimed movies.
Copy !req
114. For once, I would just love
to phone it in
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115. and play a two-dimensional girl
in a rom com
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116. with no inner life of her own.
Copy !req
117. That's kind of the reason
I got into this business.
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118. Ha ha!
You said words.
Copy !req
119. Now, is it true you stay
in character between takes?
Copy !req
120. Oh, we all do.
The director insists upon it.
Copy !req
121. He even has everyone
calling me Diane
Copy !req
122. to help me get in the headspace.
Copy !req
123. It's been great.
Copy !req
124. Diane, looking good.
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125. - Um, thanks.
- Ugh, not you.
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126. I was talking to Diane.
Copy !req
127. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
128. Now, where's my peanut butter?
Copy !req
129. Right over here, Q.
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130. No, I'm looking
for peanut butter.
Copy !req
131. Oh, you mean BoJack?
Copy !req
132. If I wanted BoJack,
I would call BoJack.
Copy !req
133. Did someone call for BoJack?
Copy !req
134. It really cuts
down on confusion.
Copy !req
135. Ah, show business,
the great equalizer.
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136. Is that what it is?
Copy !req
137. Todd, spritz me.
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138. - Spritzing.
- Mm, mm, mm.
Copy !req
139. Well spritzed.
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140. Have you ever been
on a movie set before?
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141. No, sir, Mr. Peanutbutter.
Copy !req
142. Please, Mr. Peanutbutter
was my father's name.
Copy !req
143. - Uh...
- And it's also my name!
Copy !req
144. Ooh, speaking
of Mr. Peanutbutter,
Copy !req
145. I'll be back in a jiff, skippy.
Copy !req
146. Keep that air spritzed for me.
Copy !req
147. Aloha, kemosabe.
Copy !req
148. Hey, allow me to put
on my producer hat
Copy !req
149. and produce you
just for one second here.
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150. I have a few notes
on how you're playing me.
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151. Let's see.
Copy !req
152. Problems, problems, problems,
ah, here we go.
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153. I find it really troubling
that my movie self
Copy !req
154. is wearing a crew neck T-shirt.
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155. I only wear V-necks.
Copy !req
156. You see the problem.
Copy !req
157. - I do not.
- I just think if we're telling
Copy !req
158. the story, we should tell it
how it really happened.
Copy !req
159. Yeah, this whole story
isn't how it really happened.
Copy !req
160. Right...
Copy !req
161. because of the shirts.
Copy !req
162. Because I'm the one
who stole the D.
Copy !req
163. I'm the real hero here.
Copy !req
164. My life is full
of exciting adventures.
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165. I should write a book.
Copy !req
166. Oh, wait.
I did.
Copy !req
167. Suck on that, society.
Copy !req
168. Hey, you're in a mood.
Copy !req
169. Perhaps the tightness
of that crew neck
Copy !req
170. is cutting off circulation
to the brain?
Copy !req
171. Let me talk to Donna
in wardrobe.
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172. We're gonna fix this, buddy.
Copy !req
173. Donna!
Copy !req
174. What are you doing?
Copy !req
175. I'm just trying to get inside
my character, which is you.
Copy !req
176. Is this how we move our arms?
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177. We're so weird.
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178. Is this really necessary?
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179. Is this really necessary?
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180. That's not what I sound like.
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181. That's not mut mi sound mike.
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182. Hey, what's it been like
since we got married?
Copy !req
183. Is it everything we dreamed
of since we were little?
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184. When I was little,
I dreamed of getting
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185. a MacArthur grant for my 'zine
about how all the girls
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186. at school were bitches.
Copy !req
187. - Oh.
- Look, the wedding was great.
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188. But that's not real life.
Copy !req
189. I mean,
I guess I got a happy ending,
Copy !req
190. but every happy ending
has the day after
Copy !req
191. the happy ending, right?
Copy !req
192. And the day after that.
Copy !req
193. So the wedding was so much fun.
Copy !req
194. It was the happiest day
of my life.
Copy !req
195. But, you know,
what does that say
Copy !req
196. about all the days I have left?
Copy !req
197. Whoa.
Copy !req
198. We're such a Zoe.
Copy !req
199. Oh, Todd, glad you're here.
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200. Hold this.
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201. Todd, my jacket is on the floor.
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202. You're supposed to hold
the jacket
Copy !req
203. so it doesn't go on the floor.
Copy !req
204. Hey, sorry, BoJack...
I mean, uh, Mr. Peanutbutter.
Copy !req
205. But I work
for Mr. Peanutbutter now.
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206. - I mean, uh, Mr. Peanutbutter.
- Ugh.
Copy !req
207. I can't believe
I'm on a movie set, you know?
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208. I mean, this is my first chance
to work on something big
Copy !req
209. since my rock opera fell apart.
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210. Man, I really messed up
that huge career opportunity
Copy !req
211. all on my own, didn't I?
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212. Uh...
Copy !req
213. Nothing sabotaged me one bit.
Copy !req
214. Yep.
Copy !req
215. You said it.
Copy !req
216. Well, see you later.
Copy !req
217. Where can I grab a nosh?
Copy !req
218. Oh, craft services
is in the kitchen.
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219. Up the driveway, through
the living room, make a left.
Copy !req
220. - Can't miss it.
- I'm gonna grab a quick bite.
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221. Don't do anything stupid
while I'm gone.
Copy !req
222. Okay, fellas, here's the thing
about the story.
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223. I don't buy it.
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224. It's like something's missing,
Copy !req
225. but I can't put
any of my fingers on it.
Copy !req
226. Um, maybe once
we add the music...
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227. The music?
Are you kidding me?
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228. Music?
You're fired.
Copy !req
229. What dumb shit brought
this dumb shit?
Copy !req
230. Okay, you're fired too.
Copy !req
231. Oh, okay.
Copy !req
232. Anyone else
got any bright ideas?
Copy !req
233. Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Copy !req
234. Hey, maybe it make it
more Diane-y?
Copy !req
235. - Um, excuse me?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
236. This is probably stupid,
but the whole story's
Copy !req
237. about how this guy's
in love with this lady, right?
Copy !req
238. But we don't even know
who she is or what she wants.
Copy !req
239. I mean, maybe give her
more lines or words
Copy !req
240. or, I don't know,
feelings or whatever?
Copy !req
241. What?
Copy !req
242. He's new.
He doesn't know the rules.
Copy !req
243. Forgive him, mighty Caesar.
Copy !req
244. Yes. Yeah.
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245. I love you.
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246. Who is this kid?
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247. You're a genius.
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248. - I'm gonna kiss your face.
- What?
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249. Oh!
Copy !req
250. Come back to my web.
Copy !req
251. Let's talk
about Diane's feelings
Copy !req
252. and make this baby sing.
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253. Hey, Todd, talk to him
about the wardrobe,
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254. specifically the top half
of the wardrobe,
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255. specifically the shirt part
of the top half of the wardrobe,
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256. specifically the neck part of
the shirt part of the wardrobe.
Copy !req
257. Ugh.
What now?
Copy !req
258. I'm sick
of this dog and pony show.
Copy !req
259. The movie is dumb.
Copy !req
260. Mr. Peanutbutter is annoying
the shit out of me,
Copy !req
261. and there's too much honeydew
in the fruit bowl.
Copy !req
262. Blech. Honeydew
is garbage fruit.
Copy !req
263. Also, why is BoJack
being played by an old, nebbishy
Copy !req
264. five-foot-tall bald guy?
Copy !req
265. Is that how the world sees me?
Copy !req
266. Oh, I see.
Copy !req
267. So I can play
Vanya on 42nd Street,
Copy !req
268. but I'm not a deft-enough talent
to capture the essence
Copy !req
269. of the elusive BoJack Horseman.
Copy !req
270. So sorry to offend you, sir.
Copy !req
271. I'm just glad my book's
coming out soon
Copy !req
272. so people will get
an opportunity to see
Copy !req
273. the real BoJack Horseman.
Copy !req
274. Oh, are you coming out
with a book?
Copy !req
275. You never mentioned it.
Copy !req
276. Plus, Todd's being super weird.
Copy !req
277. I think he's onto me.
Copy !req
278. Onto you in regards to what?
Copy !req
279. Oh, right, I didn't tell you.
Copy !req
280. I sabotaged his rock opera
by getting him readdicted
Copy !req
281. to a video game because
I didn't want him to move out.
Copy !req
282. Jesus Christ, BoJack.
Copy !req
283. Anyway, I think he knows
and might be plotting
Copy !req
284. to sabotage me back.
Copy !req
285. Why is it that 90%
of our conversations
Copy !req
286. these days revolve around
plotting sabotages?
Copy !req
287. Are you saying I should
plot a countersabotage?
Copy !req
288. No, no more plotting.
Copy !req
289. Just be a good soldier
and do your job.
Copy !req
290. Nobody is out to get you.
Copy !req
291. Have you seen the new draft?
Copy !req
292. They took it all off you
and put it on me.
Copy !req
293. What?
Copy !req
294. Apparently some dickweed
named Todd
Copy !req
295. decided I should be
three-dimensional
Copy !req
296. and you should have no lines.
Copy !req
297. Ugh. Isn't this town sick
of creating
Copy !req
298. three-dimensional roles
for women?
Copy !req
299. This happens to me all the time!
Copy !req
300. A.O. Scott is sick of talking
about how brilliant I am.
Copy !req
301. Todd.
Copy !req
302. I guess what I've been saying
Copy !req
303. for the last
seven uninterrupted minutes is,
Copy !req
304. how can I forgive my father
if I can't forgive myself?
Copy !req
305. True dat.
Copy !req
306. But none of that matters,
because we bring out
Copy !req
307. the best in each other.
Copy !req
308. I'm the chocolate,
and you're Mr. Peanutbutter!
Copy !req
309. - True dat.
- Mwah!
Copy !req
310. Cut!
Amazing.
Copy !req
311. This is the movie
that I wanted to make.
Copy !req
312. This is gonna be great.
Copy !req
313. - Oh, my God, I'm so...
- Ugh, what kind of idiot
Copy !req
314. puts food on top of a hill?
Copy !req
315. Hey, so I guess now that
the movie's all about Diane,
Copy !req
316. I really need to dig deep
and get to know the real you.
Copy !req
317. So let's talk and talk
and talk until I am you
Copy !req
318. and you are nothing
but a hollowed-out husk
Copy !req
319. of your former self and every
thought and every feeling
Copy !req
320. you ever had belongs to me
and me alone.
Copy !req
321. So do we like Sprite,
or are we more of a 7-Up girl?
Copy !req
322. Uh, that all sounds great.
Copy !req
323. But, you know, the person
you should really be talking to
Copy !req
324. is that guy.
Copy !req
325. - Yeah, okay, I'm done.
- Diane loves talking to him.
Copy !req
326. They have great rapport.
Copy !req
327. In fact, Diane could spend
all day talking to him
Copy !req
328. and never talk to me again.
Copy !req
329. Oh, I get it, because Diane
doesn't talk to Diane.
Copy !req
330. - Diane talks to...
- Anybody else.
Copy !req
331. Hey, Todd, remember that time
Copy !req
332. when you wouldn't clean
up your shit?
Copy !req
333. That was hilarious.
Copy !req
334. - We've had some good times.
- Oh. Hi.
Copy !req
335. So I was thinking,
I have some...
Copy !req
336. pretty sloppy seconds
left over from P.F. Chang's
Copy !req
337. in the fridge, and I don't think
that I want it anymore.
Copy !req
338. Maybe tonight you could eat it.
Copy !req
339. Friendly gesture
because we're friends.
Copy !req
340. - Uh...
- Oh-oh, there's my guy.
Copy !req
341. I heard you had a few more
thoughts about the script.
Copy !req
342. I do.
Copy !req
343. I was just thinking, what if
we made the BoJack character
Copy !req
344. into a real shithead?
Copy !req
345. - Is that really necessary?
- I don't think it's necessary.
Copy !req
346. Yeah, let's... Let's make him
be a real selfish asshole
Copy !req
347. so the audience has someone
to root against.
Copy !req
348. You're probably right.
Copy !req
349. Let's take another swing
at the script
Copy !req
350. and give BoJack more to do.
Copy !req
351. Now, when you say,
"Give BoJack more to do"...
Copy !req
352. Not now, Mr. Peanutbutter.
Copy !req
353. And also,
now that I'm thinking about it,
Copy !req
354. why does the movie
have to take place on Earth?
Copy !req
355. You are blowing my head.
Copy !req
356. - I hope you like Oscars.
- Honeydew?
Copy !req
357. More like,
"Honey, do I enjoy eating it?
Copy !req
358. Yes, I do." Right?
Copy !req
359. Not right, and I would love to
go through all the reasons why,
Copy !req
360. but I've got bigger concerns
right now.
Copy !req
361. - Honeydew, go on.
- Did you notice
Copy !req
362. that the Mr. Peanutbutter part
has been cut in half?
Copy !req
363. - What is happening to our movie?
- I thought you hated the movie.
Copy !req
364. Yeah, I do, but if I'm
gonna be in a dumb movie
Copy !req
365. I hate that makes no sense,
Copy !req
366. I should at least
be the star of it.
Copy !req
367. Look, I agree that this movie
has really lost its way.
Copy !req
368. I mean, first of all,
why would Mr. Peanutbutter
Copy !req
369. wear a crew neck T-shirt?
Copy !req
370. And second of all, uh...
Copy !req
371. It's just the shirt, isn't it?
Copy !req
372. It doesn't make sense.
Copy !req
373. I'm a V-neck man.
Copy !req
374. A V you can put
your sunglasses in.
Copy !req
375. Can you do
that with a crew neck?
Copy !req
376. Because I'd like to see you tr...
Copy !req
377. Whoa.
Copy !req
378. Bagel.
Copy !req
379. Thanks so much for running
this scene with me.
Copy !req
380. I have so many lines to learn.
Copy !req
381. Yeah, well, most of my lines
are, "True dat,"
Copy !req
382. but I guess it never hurts
to practice.
Copy !req
383. The citizens of Planet D
want their king back.
Copy !req
384. But I'm more concerned
with getting my self-esteem back
Copy !req
385. after being in the shadow
of powerful men for so long.
Copy !req
386. True dat.
Copy !req
387. Is it just me, or is this movie
Copy !req
388. kind of flying off the rails?
Copy !req
389. Well, I don't want to overuse
my catchphrase here,
Copy !req
390. but true dat.
Copy !req
391. This is so typical.
Copy !req
392. I just wanted to do something
light and fun
Copy !req
393. to distract me from the deep
well of sadness that is my life.
Copy !req
394. You probably
wouldn't understand.
Copy !req
395. Oh, puh-lease.
Copy !req
396. I'm so deep down
a well of sadness
Copy !req
397. that Baby Jessica
is like, "Damn."
Copy !req
398. Shut up and kiss me,
you miserable goof.
Copy !req
399. What?
Copy !req
400. Oh. Okay. Mwah.
Copy !req
401. Pop this in a drawer.
Copy !req
402. Huh?
Copy !req
403. This is good, baby.
Copy !req
404. Oh, this is amazing.
Copy !req
405. Naomi, I haven't felt
like this since...
Copy !req
406. No, no, shh, shh, shh!
Copy !req
407. Call me Diane.
Copy !req
408. Okay, got my bagel.
Copy !req
409. Now back to work.
Copy !req
410. Hey, guys.
Copy !req
411. Hey, guys!
Copy !req
412. Wow, wow.
Copy !req
413. So you guys
really hit it off, huh?
Copy !req
414. That's awesome.
Copy !req
415. Want to do some hand stuff
in the bathroom
Copy !req
416. before we go down to set?
Copy !req
417. You read my mind.
Copy !req
418. Now, kiss me some sour cream.
Copy !req
419. Hey, so I finished the book
Copy !req
420. and sent the draft
to the publishers.
Copy !req
421. What?
My book is ready?
Copy !req
422. Let me read it.
Can I read it?
Copy !req
423. Call Pinky.
Copy !req
424. He'll probably send you a copy
as soon as he's done with it.
Copy !req
425. All right!
You hang tight, baby.
Copy !req
426. I got an instant classic
to read.
Copy !req
427. Keep the engine running, though,
Copy !req
428. because if I know me,
this book is gonna give me
Copy !req
429. a pretty big erection.
Copy !req
430. Okay, enjoy!
Keep an open mind.
Copy !req
431. You'll love it.
It's a work in progress.
Copy !req
432. Hello.
Penguin Publishing.
Copy !req
433. Unless this is that loan shark,
Copy !req
434. in which case,
Johnny's House of Noodles.
Copy !req
435. May I interest you
in our bento lunch box?
Copy !req
436. Pinky, it's me.
Copy !req
437. Let me read the book.
Give me, give me, give me.
Copy !req
438. Okay, okay, now,
I should warn you,
Copy !req
439. it's not quite what we expected,
but it is good.
Copy !req
440. I'm telling you,
this could really sell.
Copy !req
441. I might actually get
to see my kids again.
Copy !req
442. Great.
Send it over.
Copy !req
443. I'll read it right now.
Copy !req
444. All right, I sent it,
but just remember...
Copy !req
445. To set my expectations sky-high?
Copy !req
446. Way ahead of you.
Copy !req
447. All right, book,
let's see what you got.
Copy !req
448. BoJack, this is you.
Copy !req
449. One Trick Pony?
Copy !req
450. "The first time
I met BoJack Horseman,
Copy !req
451. he was puking cotton candy
off the deck
Copy !req
452. of his lavish house
in the Hills,
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453. the lights of the city
twinkling below us.
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454. The Make-A-Wish kids
will not soon forget
Copy !req
455. the time the great
BoJack Horseman
Copy !req
456. referred to their parents
as 'a bunch of used jizz bags.'
Copy !req
457. He filled the air with words,
terrified of silence,
Copy !req
458. as one often is who is smart
enough to recognize
Copy !req
459. his many personal failings
but unwilling or unable
Copy !req
460. to take the steps required
to fix them.
Copy !req
461. Got out of the car,
stepped out toward the coast,
Copy !req
462. and looked across the water,
Copy !req
463. and for a moment,
he said nothing."
Copy !req
464. What the shit was that?
Copy !req
465. What the shit is this?
Copy !req
466. It's a phone.
Well, a tiny computer, really.
Copy !req
467. I mean, amazing
what technology can...
Copy !req
468. You were supposed
to ghostwrite my memoir,
Copy !req
469. but instead you wrote
a story about how you spent
Copy !req
470. six months with me and saw
what a big, dumb loser I am.
Copy !req
471. Well, I realized
that the best way
Copy !req
472. to fully capture you,
warts and all...
Copy !req
473. This isn't warts and all.
It's just warts.
Copy !req
474. Where's the all?
Copy !req
475. I come off like a total asshole.
Copy !req
476. You come off
as complex and deeply troubled
Copy !req
477. but ultimately sympathetic.
Copy !req
478. You might be too close
to see that.
Copy !req
479. There's an entire chapter
about me eating apple fritters.
Copy !req
480. You did go through
that fritter phase.
Copy !req
481. Is this book how you see me?
Copy !req
482. That day we ran errands
together,
Copy !req
483. I thought that we had
a really good time,
Copy !req
484. but you just wrote
about how I cried
Copy !req
485. because the dry cleaner
took my head shot down.
Copy !req
486. You were very emotional.
Copy !req
487. They didn't even
replace me with anyone.
Copy !req
488. Now it's just a faded spot
where my face used to be.
Copy !req
489. This will actually do wonders
for your career.
Copy !req
490. Trust me.
Copy !req
491. I mean, you're just a dumb actor
Copy !req
492. who doesn't know anything
about books, right?
Copy !req
493. What?
Copy !req
494. Remember?
From before?
Copy !req
495. Oh, I don't think you understand
Copy !req
496. what's happening here.
Copy !req
497. This is not a casual
conversation between friends.
Copy !req
498. This is your boss
telling his employee
Copy !req
499. that she did a bad job.
Copy !req
500. - Try again.
- What?
Copy !req
501. Start over, but do it right
this time.
Copy !req
502. Nobody is ever gonna see this.
Copy !req
503. Ugh!
Copy !req
504. Diane?
Copy !req
505. Hey, Wayne,
you still work for BuzzFeed?
Copy !req
506. Um, yes.
Copy !req
507. 'Cause I got something
that's gonna get you
Copy !req
508. a shit-ton of hearts or digs
or smileys
Copy !req
509. or whatever the hell you measure
your journalism with.
Copy !req
510. Curses!
Copy !req
511. My evil plan has been defeated,
but I'll be back.
Copy !req
512. You haven't heard the last
Copy !req
513. of Evil Emperor
BoJackitron Horsemaniac.
Copy !req
514. Oh, no!
Copy !req
515. You shot a laser at me!
Copy !req
516. Oh, no!
I'm dying.
Copy !req
517. Oh, no, I'm dead.
Copy !req
518. And so now that we've escaped
Copy !req
519. the evil clutches
of the emperor,
Copy !req
520. I'm free to assume
my natural form,
Copy !req
521. an all-knowing floating orb
of light?
Copy !req
522. True dat.
Copy !req
523. Cut, cut.
Copy !req
524. Come on, guys,
this is ridiculous.
Copy !req
525. Is this even a movie anymore?
Copy !req
526. Oh, maybe it isn't a movie.
Copy !req
527. Yeah, maybe it's
an immersive smartphone app
Copy !req
528. or a 21st-century approach
to 360-degree media envelopment.
Copy !req
529. Yeah, or maybe it's just,
like, a feeling, you know?
Copy !req
530. - We've got work to do.
- Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
531. - Oh, my God, this is so good.
- Oh, this is gonna be awesome.
Copy !req
532. Yes!
Go, Todd.
Copy !req
533. Hello?
Copy !req
534. Are you just gonna leave me
like this?
Copy !req
535. Anyone?
Copy !req
536. Ah!
Copy !req
537. Oh, good.
You're here.
Copy !req
538. Oh, hi, BoJack.
Copy !req
539. This whole day's
been a shit show.
Copy !req
540. The book turned out
to be a total hatchet job.
Copy !req
541. The movie's a disaster.
Copy !req
542. But thank God I have one
good thing in my life,
Copy !req
543. and that's you.
Copy !req
544. BoJack, I...
Copy !req
545. Please let me say this
before I lose my nerve.
Copy !req
546. I spent 50 years roaming
the countryside
Copy !req
547. as a wild stallion,
but I am tired of the rodeo,
Copy !req
548. and I'm finally ready
to saddle up.
Copy !req
549. BoJack...
Copy !req
550. I guess what I'm trying
to say is,
Copy !req
551. this mustang wants to rest
his head in the comforts
Copy !req
552. of your spacious barn.
Copy !req
553. Uh, what?
Copy !req
554. I'm in love with you, Naomi.
Copy !req
555. BoJack, they fired me
Copy !req
556. and replaced me
with a ball on a stick.
Copy !req
557. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
558. But look at the bright side.
Copy !req
559. Now you and I can just hang out
and talk about feelings.
Copy !req
560. No, but you're not getting it.
Boys never get it.
Copy !req
561. BoJack, I was in character
as Diane,
Copy !req
562. and as Diane,
we had a real connection.
Copy !req
563. But now that I'm off the movie,
I'm Naomi again,
Copy !req
564. and Naomi is not interested
in BoJack Horseman.
Copy !req
565. In fact,
she thinks he's kind of gross.
Copy !req
566. So I didn't fall in love
with Naomi Watts?
Copy !req
567. No.
Copy !req
568. You fell in love with Diane.
Copy !req
569. Naomi what?
Copy !req
570. Good-bye, BoJack.
Copy !req
571. Ugh.
Copy !req
572. See?
Nothing.
Copy !req
573. What's going on?
Why are they packing up?
Copy !req
574. Oh, glad you're here.
This is exciting.
Copy !req
575. Since we last talked,
this film has gone through
Copy !req
576. - so many permutations.
- So many.
Copy !req
577. First, we reimagined
the whole film
Copy !req
578. as an interactive
social-media experience.
Copy !req
579. Those are the dumbest words
I've ever heard.
Copy !req
580. I know.
Copy !req
581. So we realized it was actually
Copy !req
582. more of a floating
art installation,
Copy !req
583. but that
didn't feel right either.
Copy !req
584. We thought,
is it a high-end perfume?
Copy !req
585. A series of interrelated
fortune cookies?
Copy !req
586. A hat that if you turn it
upside down, it's a boat?
Copy !req
587. - No, it's none of those things.
- Exactly.
Copy !req
588. That's why we finally
settled on this.
Copy !req
589. Voilà!
Copy !req
590. What am I looking at?
Copy !req
591. It is a bimonthly curated
box of snacks.
Copy !req
592. I don't know what that means.
Copy !req
593. I know.
It's confusing.
Copy !req
594. Not the bimonthly
that means twice a month,
Copy !req
595. the bimonthly that
means every other month,
Copy !req
596. and each time
it's a different box of snacks.
Copy !req
597. This is the future of cinema.
Copy !req
598. You guys, finally,
my story has been told.
Copy !req
599. Okay, that's a wrap, everyone.
Copy !req
600. Thanks for making
this box of snacks a reality.
Copy !req
601. Let's go home.
Copy !req
602. What the hell happened
to the movie?
Copy !req
603. Shit, there were snacks here
the whole time?
Copy !req
604. Not bad.
Copy !req
605. - Whoa!
- Look, I get it.
Copy !req
606. You destroyed my big chance
at a comeback
Copy !req
607. as revenge for what I did
to your rock opera.
Copy !req
608. Revenge? Oh, that would have
been such a good idea.
Copy !req
609. Damn it, Todd!
Copy !req
610. Look, I figured out
what you did,
Copy !req
611. but I've been trying to put it
behind me and do my job.
Copy !req
612. So cutting my part down
was not about revenge?
Copy !req
613. No.
Copy !req
614. And making BoJack the villain
of your movie
Copy !req
615. was not a coded statement
of your feelings about me?
Copy !req
616. No.
Copy !req
617. Oh, okay, great.
Copy !req
618. Well, I'm... I'm glad
we buried the hatchet
Copy !req
619. and everything's cool.
Copy !req
620. Uh, actually, you know,
everything is not cool.
Copy !req
621. You ruined my rock opera
by using character actress
Copy !req
622. Margo Martindale to trick me
Copy !req
623. into playing
an addictive video game.
Copy !req
624. And saying it all together
like that,
Copy !req
625. it all sounds kind of ludicrous.
Copy !req
626. But still, it was something
I cared about,
Copy !req
627. and what you did really hurt me.
Copy !req
628. Oh.
Well, this feels shitty.
Copy !req
629. You sure you don't want to just
get some revenge real quick...
Copy !req
630. Thump me once in the stones
and then we'll be even?
Copy !req
631. I got to go.
Copy !req
632. I've got some artisanal popcorns
to gauge the mouthfeel of.
Copy !req
633. - Hey, BoJack.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
634. You want an apple fritter?
Copy !req
635. Uh, sure.
Copy !req
636. Yeah, I bet you would.
Copy !req
637. I bet you'd like
an apple fritter.
Copy !req
638. Yeah, an apple fritter
would be great.
Copy !req
639. Why? What... What...
What's happening here?
Copy !req
640. "Five Shocking Facts
From New BoJack Book"?
Copy !req
641. No.
No!
Copy !req
642. Um, everyone,
please turn off your Internet.
Copy !req
643. It has gone bad.
Copy !req
644. I repeat,
the Internet has gone foul.
Copy !req
645. - What a loser.
- I'm glad I'm not that guy.
Copy !req
646. Give me your phones.
I'm a celebrity.
Copy !req
647. You have to listen to me.
Copy !req
648. Look at his deep well
of sadness.
Copy !req
649. It's hilarious.
Copy !req
650. Don't look at me.
I'm well-adjusted.
Copy !req
651. You all want my life.
Copy !req
652. Uh, what the hell?
Copy !req
653. I know, I know.
But if you just listen for...
Copy !req
654. You posted your dumb little
book on the Internet.
Copy !req
655. No, I just leaked
the first couple chapters,
Copy !req
656. and people are already talking
about it.
Copy !req
657. This is wildly unprofessional.
Who do you think you are?
Copy !req
658. I know you're mad,
and you have every right to be,
Copy !req
659. but you got to read
some of these comments.
Copy !req
660. People love you.
Copy !req
661. And they're gonna love you
even more
Copy !req
662. when they read the rest
of my book.
Copy !req
663. - Your book?
- Our book.
Copy !req
664. Nobody is gonna read that book.
Copy !req
665. How do you still not get that?
Copy !req
666. It is never going
to be published.
Copy !req
667. BoJack, I stand by my work.
Copy !req
668. This is a really good book.
Copy !req
669. And if you just give it time,
you'll see.
Copy !req
670. Maybe you're right.
Copy !req
671. Really?
Copy !req
672. No.
You're fired.
Copy !req
673. Boxer versus raptor.
Copy !req