1. Dad, why are you massaging the turkey now?Copy !req
2. Maybe it's tense. I'll make it some tea.Copy !req
3. I'm doing a three-day salt rub.
I call it Father of the Brine, huh?Copy !req
4. - Ha!
- Thank you.Copy !req
5. It's special since we're having Teddy,
Mort, and your Aunt Gayle over.Copy !req
6. I don't see why Gayle and her cats
have to stay with us all week.Copy !req
7. She had to vacate her place
because of the fire, Bob.Copy !req
8. - She put her dental dams in the dryer.
- What are dental dams?Copy !req
9. - Nothing.
- Forget it.Copy !req
10. - Don't say it at school.
- Didn't she used to only have one cat?Copy !req
11. She adopted one last week.Copy !req
12. And then she found one on her way
over here.Copy !req
13. - She's a cat magnet.
- Oh, it was so sad.Copy !req
14. He was just sitting, on someone's porch,
poor little guy.Copy !req
15. - Just sitting there.
- Just sitting there in the sun.Copy !req
16. - Ugh.Copy !req
17. Cat hair.Copy !req
18. Take one of the allergy pills I got you.Copy !req
19. Well, Dad, I hope you're not allergic
to melody and rhythm and sexy lyrics,Copy !req
20. because our guests are gonna love
my Thanksgiving song!Copy !req
21. Every year, I try and tell you guys
that no one really singsCopy !req
22. - Thanksgiving songs.
- You bite your tongue!Copy !req
23. Think about it.
Why aren't there any Thanksgiving carols?Copy !req
24. I'm gonna write a classic
and make a million dollars.Copy !req
25. And then I'm gonna buy a car.Copy !req
26. I believe in you, Gene.Copy !req
27. I'll be in your song!Copy !req
28. But you don't get any of the profits,Copy !req
29. - and I'm going to be very critical.
- Ha! I love it.Copy !req
30. Good luck with your song.Copy !req
31. Don't be offended
if everyone's talking aboutCopy !req
32. how great my turkey is
while you're trying to sing.Copy !req
33. Sounds like someone's afraid
of being upstaged.Copy !req
34. - You are.
- You are.Copy !req
35. - Oh, God. Get out of here.
- Bob, stop hitting my cats.Copy !req
36. And God bless you.Copy !req
37. I'm not hitting them.Copy !req
38. I'm petting their rear legs.Copy !req
39. Mom?
- Whoa.Copy !req
40. I need your opinion on something.Copy !req
41. Oh, I love it.
Braveheart meets Coco Chanel.Copy !req
42. I need to decide which color I'm wearing
when I sit at the adults table Thursday.Copy !req
43. No, no lipstick, Tina. You're too young.Copy !req
44. And you're sitting at the kids table
like you always do when we have guests.Copy !req
45. We sit on the floor at the coffee table
and put our vegetables under the couch.Copy !req
46. You should look under there.
It's fascinating now.Copy !req
47. But I bought pantyhose.Copy !req
48. And I've been working
on Tina's talking points.Copy !req
49. How's this one? Ahem. "In this economy?"Copy !req
50. - Oh, provocative.
- That's it.Copy !req
51. I— You know, I'm in charge
of Thanksgiving.Copy !req
52. - Gene, Linda, no song.
- What?Copy !req
53. - Tina, no adults table.
Aw.Copy !req
54. Louise, whatever you're planning,
do not do it.Copy !req
55. I need some peace and quiet.Copy !req
56. I want to focus on the turkey.
Everyone, just go to bed.Copy !req
57. - Bob, it's 6:30.
- I don't care! Just go to bed!Copy !req
58. You love that turkey
more than you love us!Copy !req
59. That's right! I do!Copy !req
60. I love turkeys!Copy !req
61. Okay.Copy !req
62. Now, go.Copy !req
63. - What the—?Copy !req
64. Oh, my God.Copy !req
65. No!Copy !req
66. Lin. Lin!Copy !req
67. What? What happened? What?Copy !req
68. - The turkey, it's in the toilet!
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
69. - You had a bad dream. Go back to sleep.
- This is not a dream.Copy !req
70. This is happening.Copy !req
71. - Tina!Copy !req
72. There was something in the toilet.
And I sat on it, it was cold.Copy !req
73. Now I don't know if I'll ever be able
to go to the bathroom again.Copy !req
74. - Oh, my God, the turkey's in the toilet.
- Get off of there!Copy !req
75. What the cuss word?Copy !req
76. Who pooped that,
and may I apprentice with you?Copy !req
77. What is this, a pee-pee party?Copy !req
78. You people are fun, all going at once.Copy !req
79. Oh, God.Copy !req
80. - Oh!
- Get it out of their litter box.Copy !req
81. Quick, Bob. They're vegetarians.Copy !req
82. Oh, my God, I'm gonna barf. I'm gonna ba—Copy !req
83. - Oh, my God, what is happening?Copy !req
84. Okay, so really?Copy !req
85. No one is gonna confess?Copy !req
86. - Louise?
- It wasn't me.Copy !req
87. - Louise?
- It wasn't!Copy !req
88. Fine. So, no one, including Louise,
wants to admit that they did this?Copy !req
89. I'm giving you guys one more chance
to confess,Copy !req
90. and then I'm grounding everyone,
including your mom and Gayle.Copy !req
91. - Bobby.
- No, it's fine with me.Copy !req
92. - I don't have any plans.
- Bobby, it wasn't us.Copy !req
93. It was Louise. Come on.Copy !req
94. Or, uh, maybe Gene.Copy !req
95. How dare you?Copy !req
96. I put food in the toilet
the way God intended.Copy !req
97. It had to be Louise.Copy !req
98. Unbelievable.Copy !req
99. Does everyone think I did it?Copy !req
100. - Yeah.
- Yes.Copy !req
101. Well, then, I must be guilty.Copy !req
102. - That's how it works, right?
- Yup.Copy !req
103. - Perfect system.
- Well, I have to go get another turkey.Copy !req
104. Which means I can only do a two-day brine,Copy !req
105. which is not as good as a three day-brine!Copy !req
106. But I'm not forgetting this.
I will figure out who did it.Copy !req
107. Even though I'm pretty sure
we all still think it was Louise.Copy !req
108. Make sure you save room at Thanksgiving
for the words you'll be eating.Copy !req
109. Are you gonna throw that one out?Copy !req
110. Yes, Gene, it was soaking in toilet water.Copy !req
111. And rolled in cat feces.Copy !req
112. - Oh, God...
- No.Copy !req
113. - Lin, please.
- Oh, my God, I'm gonna barf.Copy !req
114. Wait a second.Copy !req
115. - You just got a turkey yesterday.
- Yup.Copy !req
116. Turkey number two, huh?Copy !req
117. - Messed up the first one?
- No, it's a long story.Copy !req
118. Not so easy to just step
into the kitchen, is it?Copy !req
119. No, actually, I'm a professional cook.Copy !req
120. Yeah. You and me both, right?Copy !req
121. Okay, don't mess this one up.Copy !req
122. - I didn't...
- Next.Copy !req
123. I didn't mess it up.Copy !req
124. - Turkey in the toilet? That's crazy.
- It's not that crazy.Copy !req
125. I've seen crazier things in a toilet.
You wouldn't believe it.Copy !req
126. - I've seen a rat wearing a little hat.
- What?Copy !req
127. Twice. Same rat, different hat.
I got a picture. Hold on.Copy !req
128. Wait. Is this the toilet turkey?Copy !req
129. - I got a new one.
- What did you do with the old one?Copy !req
130. - What did I do? I threw it out.
- You threw out a perfectly good turkey?Copy !req
131. It wasn't perfectly good.
It was in the toilet.Copy !req
132. Why does everyone want to eat food
from the toilet all of a sudden?Copy !req
133. Guys, I found the picture. Rat in a hat.Copy !req
134. Oh, my God.Copy !req
135. Three days I waited on a stakeout
for that rat to come back.Copy !req
136. And he looks at me like,
"What are you looking at?"Copy !req
137. Come on, Mom, Gayle, focus.Copy !req
138. We've only got two days left
to make a Thanksgiving songCopy !req
139. that will be passed down for generations.Copy !req
140. And a one, and a two.Copy !req
141. I don't know about these lyrics.Copy !req
142. What? Gayle, you are a guest here.Copy !req
143. - You will sing what you are given.
- No, Gene, Gayle's right.Copy !req
144. This song's kind of meh.
It needs a little gravy.Copy !req
145. That's it.
No one's done a song about gravy.Copy !req
146. Think about it.Copy !req
147. Hm. Gravy. Rhymes with wavy, oopsie daisy,
Patrick Swayze.Copy !req
148. All right, I'm in!Copy !req
149. Anyone mind if I turn on the news?Copy !req
150. - I'm okay.
- You fell like a real lady.Copy !req
151. - Thank you, young man.
- Ahem.Copy !req
152. - Hello, hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
153. Hi, Gayle. You look great.
Louise, look at you.Copy !req
154. - Did you do your hair?
- No.Copy !req
155. - Love it. Gene.
- Hi.Copy !req
156. What a nice shirt you're wearing.Copy !req
157. - Thank you.
- Excellent.Copy !req
158. I just want to say that I've calmed down
from this morning,Copy !req
159. and in the spirit of the holidays,
whoever did this,Copy !req
160. I am granting you a full pardon.Copy !req
161. Oh, I really thought that would work.Copy !req
162. Seriously, who put the turkey
in the toilet!Copy !req
163. Oh, Dad. If I may.Copy !req
164. I've taken the liberty of drawing up
a little chart here.Copy !req
165. Let's review our suspects.Copy !req
166. Tina.Copy !req
167. She'd stop at nothing
for some grownup stuffing.Copy !req
168. Did her table envy
drive her over the edge?Copy !req
169. - No.
Gene.Copy !req
170. He thinks there's only room
for one bird at this table.Copy !req
171. A song bird!Copy !req
172. Do-re-me?Copy !req
173. Or was it Gayle?Copy !req
174. Dad went after her cats,
she went after his turkey.Copy !req
175. - Classic revenge tale.
- Classic.Copy !req
176. Or maybe, maybe Linda.Copy !req
177. Oh, sweet Linda.Copy !req
178. A long-suffering wife
stuck in a bad marriage.Copy !req
179. - Aw, poor thing.
- Lin?Copy !req
180. What? I got caught up in the story.
She's good.Copy !req
181. That leaves Louise,
who had no motive at all.Copy !req
182. Thank you. The end. Thank you.Copy !req
183. What an imagination on this one, huh?
Kids. Hm.Copy !req
184. - So, do you know who did it?
- Oh, no. Uh-uh.Copy !req
185. - Then what's the point of all this?
- Hold on. I just had an idea.Copy !req
186. Was it you, Gayle? Huh?Copy !req
187. Confess! Damn it, Gayle!Copy !req
188. - Or you? Confess! You're guilty as hell!Copy !req
189. - Louise? Stop.
- What?Copy !req
190. - Why?
- This isn't working.Copy !req
191. I guess I'll just never trust
any of you again, forever,Copy !req
192. for as long as I live.Copy !req
193. Another great family meeting.Copy !req
194. Good night, everyone.Copy !req
195. - Good night.
- Night, night.Copy !req
196. - Good night.
- Do you want my chartsCopy !req
197. - to take into your room for review?
- No. Just go to bed.Copy !req
198. - No!Copy !req
199. Okay, fun's over!Copy !req
200. I want a name!Copy !req
201. - Gene.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
202. You know I don't go into the bathroom
at nightCopy !req
203. because of the shower ghost.Copy !req
204. That's him. It's got to be Tina!Copy !req
205. Tina wouldn't do something this immature.Copy !req
206. I accept your invitation to sit
at the adults table.Copy !req
207. - No, Tina.
- Maybe it was me.Copy !req
208. - Was it?
- No. I just started to feel left out.Copy !req
209. I don't know, Gayle. You are really weird.Copy !req
210. - That's true.
- Come on, it wasn't Gayle.Copy !req
211. Is that a confession, Mom?Copy !req
212. What? That's crazy.Copy !req
213. Well, you aren't always
the most trustworthy person, Linda.Copy !req
214. - What? Me?
- Yes, you.Copy !req
215. That time you changed the channel
when I was out of the room.Copy !req
216. - What are you talking about?
- Oh, don't play innocent.Copy !req
217. It was Quantum Leap,
and I'll never know where he leapt.Copy !req
218. You know where he leapt!Copy !req
219. - Flush.
- Gene, stop.Copy !req
220. We need to get rid of the body.
What if someone sees?Copy !req
221. Stop.Copy !req
222. Hi, uh, I need two turkeys, please.Copy !req
223. - Oh, you again.
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
224. Look, I think I know what's going on hereCopy !req
225. and I'm flattered,
but I'm in a relationship.Copy !req
226. What? Oh, no, no.Copy !req
227. - I'm not trying to...
- Hey. Listen, Daddy,Copy !req
228. don't you let one rejection keep you
from getting out there.Copy !req
229. - You seem great.
- Okay, thanks.Copy !req
230. There's a whole group of guys out there
who don't care about what guys look like.Copy !req
231. Could I just get my turkey, please?Copy !req
232. I got a friend, he's into Sloppy Bears.Copy !req
233. What's a Sloppy Bear?Copy !req
234. You got the muffin top,
you got food on your shirt.Copy !req
235. - God, I do.
- Let me set you up.Copy !req
236. I will write down their number
on the receipt.Copy !req
237. - You take it.
- No, you have the wrong idea.Copy !req
238. - I'm not interested in a gay— Yeah.
- I know, you're not interested.Copy !req
239. - In a relationship.
- Cool. Here's the number.Copy !req
240. I'll talk to you later. Get out of here.Copy !req
241. Bob.
- Who is it?Copy !req
242. - It's me. Open up. Come on.
- Uh-uh.Copy !req
243. - No. No.
- Come on.Copy !req
244. I need to get into the bedroom.
My armpits need a coat of deodorant.Copy !req
245. - I need to re-odorize. I stink.Copy !req
246. - I don't know.
- Bobby, you're being crazy.Copy !req
247. Fine, but close your eyes.Copy !req
248. - Bobby, what are you doing?
- Hey, I said, eyes closed.Copy !req
249. You know my eyes don't completely close.Copy !req
250. I'm sorry, but I can't trust anyone.Copy !req
251. - Oh, Bob, what's with the two turkeys?
- Nothing.Copy !req
252. Hey. You calm down.Copy !req
253. Now, come on, stop it.Copy !req
254. Okay, I'll tell you,
but you can't tell anyone.Copy !req
255. Oh, I won't.Copy !req
256. Who would I tell? Come on, it's me.Copy !req
257. Okay, one's a decoy turkey
for the upstairs fridge.Copy !req
258. The real turkey will be downstairs
in the walk-in.Copy !req
259. - Ha, ha!
- Bobby.Copy !req
260. - It's a good plan, right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
261. - Yeah, I thought of it.
- You, my smart guy.Copy !req
262. Sometimes.Copy !req
263. Devious little turkey roaster
in the bedroom.Copy !req
264. Well, well, maybe a little bit.Copy !req
265. - You want to mess around?
- What?Copy !req
266. I don't know, all these turkeys,
it makes me horny.Copy !req
267. Well, not, not right now, Lin, no.Copy !req
268. - You sure?
- Okay, maybe a little.Copy !req
269. That's my boy.Copy !req
270. - Oh! I really do need deodorant.
- Yeah, you really do.Copy !req
271. I stink. Put your face in it.Copy !req
272. - No, I don't want. I don't—
- Come on. Put your face in it.Copy !req
273. - I don't want to go there. Get out.
- It's coming at you.Copy !req
274. - Dad!
- No, no, no.Copy !req
275. No, I fell asleep!Copy !req
276. Sorry for your loss.Copy !req
277. No, Tina, I'm sorry for whoever thought
they could ruin Thanksgiving.Copy !req
278. Follow me to the walk-in.Copy !req
279. - What? No.Copy !req
280. A turkey in every toilet.Copy !req
281. Only in America, huh, guys?Copy !req
282. It was you, Lin, it's been you all along!Copy !req
283. - Say it.
- No, Bobby, no, it wasn't me.Copy !req
284. You were the only one who knew about it.
It had to be you.Copy !req
285. - I knew about the second turkey.
- What? Lin?Copy !req
286. You know I tell Gayle everything, Bobby.Copy !req
287. She's my sister.Copy !req
288. It's true, I know everything,Copy !req
289. like that time you peed in the theater
during Jerry Maguire.Copy !req
290. I didn't want to miss any of it.Copy !req
291. Mom told me, too.Copy !req
292. About peeing during Jerry Maguire
or the turkey?Copy !req
293. Both. Mom and I shop together.
We don't have any secrets.Copy !req
294. - So all three of you knew?
- Louise and I knew, too.Copy !req
295. Mom's like a vault that's constantly open
and constantly talking.Copy !req
296. Hey, I told you guys not to tell anyone
I told you.Copy !req
297. Okay, Thanksgiving is officially canceled!Copy !req
298. For everyone or just for our family?Copy !req
299. - Bob...
- No, Lin, I've had it!Copy !req
300. Thanksgiving's ruined.Copy !req
301. There's no time to do the Father
of the Brine on a new turkey,Copy !req
302. plus, I'm way over
the Thanksgiving budget.Copy !req
303. This is the worst Thanksgiving ever.Copy !req
304. - Okay, calm down.
- No, I will not calm down!Copy !req
305. Hey, let's all forget about Thanksgiving
and move on to Christmas.Copy !req
306. - I'll go get the decorations.
- No, you know what?Copy !req
307. I take it back.Copy !req
308. - I'm not canceling Thanksgiving.
- Yay.Copy !req
309. Whoever's doing this,
I'm not gonna let you win!Copy !req
310. Thanksgiving is back on!Copy !req
311. There will be a turkey,
a stupid saltless turkey!Copy !req
312. You can put a turkey in a toilet,
but you can't put me in a toilet!Copy !req
313. It kind of sounds like you want us
to try to put you in a toilet.Copy !req
314. No, Louise, I don't want to be put
in a toilet.Copy !req
315. - Okay, but it sounded like that.
- It did sound like that, Bob.Copy !req
316. Let's try, one, two, three.Copy !req
317. - Hey, you again, huh?
- Oh, hey, you again and me, yep.Copy !req
318. I just, uh, I came for a...Copy !req
319. I suppose you want another "turkey."Copy !req
320. Yes, that's exactly what I want, a turkey.Copy !req
321. - I didn't come for anything—
- Okay, fine, you wore me down.Copy !req
322. Damn it.
Things are not going great with Tony.Copy !req
323. Haven't been great with Tony
for a long time, you know?Copy !req
324. Tony's hot,
but maybe it's time for me to settle.Copy !req
325. Look— No, no, no.Copy !req
326. Look at me, I'm nothing.Copy !req
327. You, you love Tony, stay with Tony.Copy !req
328. I'm so sick of Tony and his dancing.Copy !req
329. Oh, no, I don't know Tony,
but I assume it's great.Copy !req
330. - It's not great. No. I'm taking my break!
- You stay with Tony.Copy !req
331. - Oh, my God, we're doing this.
- No, we're not.Copy !req
332. - What do you want to do?
- Nothing.Copy !req
333. - You want to go to the beach?
- No, wait, I'm straight.Copy !req
334. - I'm mostly straight. You call Tony.
- Let's grab a coffee.Copy !req
335. No, let's just have sex!
God, this feels so great!Copy !req
336. I should just, sorry,
I got to go cook this.Copy !req
337. Also I'm married, but if I wasn't...Copy !req
338. Who am I kidding? You're out of my league.
It would never work.Copy !req
339. - What are you talking about?
- I got to go.Copy !req
340. - I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
- Probably not.Copy !req
341. I'll call you.Copy !req
342. It's almost too obvious.Copy !req
343. The table looks beautiful, Linda.Copy !req
344. Whoa, candles shaped like little pilgrims.
Those can't be cheap.Copy !req
345. Yes, Linda, what a lovely spread.Copy !req
346. Oh, interesting, Teddy,
looks like you're over here.Copy !req
347. Okay, where am I?Copy !req
348. Tina, Teddy isn't sitting
at the kids table, honey, no.Copy !req
349. It's okay, it'll be like
I'm eating at a Japanese restaurant.Copy !req
350. - I'll take my shoes off.
- No, no, no!Copy !req
351. Ha! I did it! I did it!Copy !req
352. - What, Bob, what did you do?
- I cooked a turkey!Copy !req
353. Oh. Wow.Copy !req
354. - He's always fishing for compliments.
- Turkey's done.Copy !req
355. Okay, everyone sit.Copy !req
356. Tina, not you.Copy !req
357. You thought you could stop me,Copy !req
358. but you can't!Copy !req
359. Oh, hello, everybody.Copy !req
360. One of you must be very unhappy
to see this!Copy !req
361. Bob, you look terrible.Copy !req
362. Yeah, because I was up all night
trying to stop a turkey murderer!Copy !req
363. Okay, before I serve the turkey.
Wait, Tina, what are you doing?Copy !req
364. - I'm standing at the adults table?
- Tina, go sit down at the kids table.Copy !req
365. Fine, I'll go check in on the little ones.Copy !req
366. I'm great with them.Copy !req
367. So, as I was saying, to the terrorist
who tried to stop me from serving this,Copy !req
368. I want it on the record that turkey
was served on this day!Copy !req
369. Ahem. But, but, before we do that,Copy !req
370. I need to serve some justice,Copy !req
371. because I know who put the turkey
in the toilet.Copy !req
372. Dun-dun-dun!Copy !req
373. - God, she's got it.
- Peas and carrots, peas and carrots.Copy !req
374. At first I wondered,Copy !req
375. who could be mad enough at Dad
to do such a thing?Copy !req
376. I mean, sure, no one likes him.Copy !req
377. - Louise.
- And he smells.Copy !req
378. But then I realized that I was looking
at the wrong motive.Copy !req
379. The person who put the turkeys
in the toilet was actually angry at me!Copy !req
380. - Oh, my God.
- What are we doing?Copy !req
381. You see, this person knew
that I would be blamedCopy !req
382. and potentially punished
for this heinous crime.Copy !req
383. - So, was it Mom?
- Don't think so.Copy !req
384. Correct, it was not.Copy !req
385. - Was it Gayle?
- I don't know.Copy !req
386. No, it wasn't.Copy !req
387. Which brings us to Gene and Tina.Copy !req
388. At first I actually believed that Gene
was too scaredCopy !req
389. of the shower ghost to go
into the bathroom at night,Copy !req
390. and I believed Dad's theory that Tina
was too mature to do something like this.Copy !req
391. If she was acting alone.Copy !req
392. But what if...Copy !req
393. they were working together!Copy !req
394. - I knew it.
I can see it.Copy !req
395. That one's got crazy eyes.Copy !req
396. Gene taking the turkey out
of the refrigerator each nightCopy !req
397. and passing it to Tina, who dropped it in.Copy !req
398. Yes!Copy !req
399. They worked together to frame me,Copy !req
400. because I have been slowly stealing
their allowances over the last five years.Copy !req
401. - You have?
- You have?Copy !req
402. - Yes, wait, you guys didn't know that?
- No.Copy !req
403. Oh, never mind because I haven't been.Copy !req
404. - Oh, good.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
405. Okay, uh, and now, before we eat—Copy !req
406. Wait, no one eat!Copy !req
407. We— Teddy, drop it!Copy !req
408. We would like to present
our Thanksgiving song.Copy !req
409. - No, Lin, it's time to cut the tur—
- Yeah, all right.Copy !req
410. Get over here, Gene, hit it. Come on.Copy !req
411. A one, two, three, four.Copy !req
412. - Bobby? Hey, Bobby.Copy !req
413. Bobby?Copy !req
414. Bob, come back.Copy !req
415. - What are you—?
- Dad?Copy !req
416. He's taking the turkey.Copy !req
417. - Is this part of the show?
- No, no, no.Copy !req
418. I'm getting the potatoes. Wait for me.Copy !req
419. - No, no, no.
- Wait for me, Bobby.Copy !req
420. Just wait.Copy !req
421. - What the...
- Dad's a sleepwalker?Copy !req
422. - Not normally.
- Should we wake him?Copy !req
423. Never wake a sleepwalker,
they could get violent.Copy !req
424. And whatever you do, don't give him an ax.Copy !req
425. - What, an ax? Why would we give him an ax?
- Don't!Copy !req
426. Let's give him an ax!Copy !req
427. Okay, Tina, do you have to go pee-pee
or poo-poo?Copy !req
428. Oh, my God, he thinks the turkey's Tina.Copy !req
429. - Why does Dad think I'm a turkey?
- Your cocky strut.Copy !req
430. I don't know, unless...Copy !req
431. He must be remembering
toilet-training you.Copy !req
432. - Potty.
- Yeah, there it is, Tina's poo-poo potty.Copy !req
433. - All right, who's a big girl?Copy !req
434. He potty-trained all you kids.Copy !req
435. I couldn't stomach it.Copy !req
436. Ugh! The stinky babies.Copy !req
437. Just the thought of it.Copy !req
438. My dad toilet-trained me.Copy !req
439. It was the worst seven years of my life,
seven to 14.Copy !req
440. I like to think I trained the toilet.Copy !req
441. It didn't teach me anything.Copy !req
442. Oh, stinky.Copy !req
443. Oh, it's kind of sweet.Copy !req
444. Oh, my God, there goes the stuffing.
Oh, God, oh, God.Copy !req
445. Wow, Tina, you really had to go.Copy !req
446. We're losing stuffing!Copy !req
447. Oh, it's nice.Copy !req
448. You have to stop him
before he drops the turkey in.Copy !req
449. - Okay.
- No, don't wake him.Copy !req
450. Oh, what's going on?Copy !req
451. - No!
- Hold his arms and legs!Copy !req
452. - Give me some help here!Copy !req
453. If you're still asleep,
can I borrow 100 bucks?Copy !req
454. - Can I get a neck tattoo?
- Let go of me!Copy !req
455. It's for your own good!Copy !req
456. What's happening?Copy !req
457. - Who's fighting me?
- It's your friend!Copy !req
458. - No, no, no, bad kitties.Copy !req
459. It's the end of the world!Copy !req
460. Go on. Get, get, go.
Uh-uh!Copy !req
461. - It's for your own good, Bobby!
- Let go!Copy !req
462. Finally something to be thankful for!Copy !req
463. It was the allergy pills.
Says right here.Copy !req
464. "Side effects include sleepwalking,
sleep talking,Copy !req
465. night terrors, and dry mouth."Copy !req
466. "Contact your doctor if you lose vision
or if your heart stops beating." Huh.Copy !req
467. Doesn't explain why Dad kept dreaming
about toilet-training me.Copy !req
468. Yeah, the same dream over and over.Copy !req
469. It's got to mean something,
like I dreamt about a dolphinCopy !req
470. and I woke up and my bed was on fire.Copy !req
471. What did that dream mean?Copy !req
472. I didn't have balance in my life,
I was spending too much time at work.Copy !req
473. Also, I shouldn't leave matches
right by my bed.Copy !req
474. I had gone to the aquarium,
it had something to do with that.Copy !req
475. Oh, my God, Bobby, don't you see?Copy !req
476. You were worried about Tina growing up,Copy !req
477. because she wanted to sit
at the adults table.Copy !req
478. You see how it works?Copy !req
479. - Ooh! Dad loves Tina.
- I knew it.Copy !req
480. Dad, even if I sit at the adults table,
I'll still be your little girl.Copy !req
481. Just because I've got the hang of pooping
and peeing in the pottyCopy !req
482. doesn't mean I don't need your help, with
other things, like homework or faxing.Copy !req
483. - I don't know how to fax.
- Mom, can you help me?Copy !req
484. It's okay, Tina, I know you've got
to grow up sometime.Copy !req
485. - Just maybe no lipstick yet.
- Okay.Copy !req
486. And no pantyhose.Copy !req
487. I don't think anyone still wears those.Copy !req
488. - Not in this economy.
- Tina.Copy !req
489. Aw, I love my little family.Copy !req
490. Come here, family hug, come here.Copy !req
491. You, too, Gayle.Copy !req
492. - That's nice.
- Come on, here we go.Copy !req
493. Teddy, Mort, what are you doing?
Come here.Copy !req
494. - I can see from here.
- What the hell?Copy !req
495. Okay.Copy !req
496. - Teddy, why are you hugging so hard?
- Because I'm full of love, Bob.Copy !req
497. Hug.Copy !req
498. - Okay, Gene, time to go poo-poo.Copy !req