1. Why is that old couple holding hands
in side-by-side bathtubs?
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2. Is this an ad for side-by-side bathtubs?
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3. I want them!
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4. Where have you been? It's 8:15.
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5. We have half the town out looking for you.
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6. How was date night?
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7. - Great. It was great.
- It was all right. It was fine.
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8. - It was really good.
- It was fine.
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9. I'll take my doggie bag now.
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10. Breadsticks, breadsticks, breadsticks.
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11. Breadsticks!
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12. Well, I'm going to sleep.
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13. I'm exhausted from painting
the town beige.
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14. What do you mean?
I thought you liked Rudy's.
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15. Yeah, the first 15 times.
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16. Bobby, we almost never get to go out.
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17. Next time we should try something new.
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18. Look, we work hard,
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19. so on the rare occasion
we take a little break,
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20. - it's nice to know what we're getting.
- Whoa, Dad.
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21. Turn the romance down a notch, eh?
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22. Bob, I'm tired of us plopping down
at Rudy's
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23. and eating soup, salad,
breadsticks and fish.
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24. It's always soup and salad,
breadsticks and fish.
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25. The type of soup changes.
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26. What was it tonight?
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27. Cream of something.
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28. Thank you, Tina.
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29. We need adventure
or we're gonna shrivel up
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30. and die right in front of the kids.
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31. - I call dibs on Mom and Dad's room.
- I call their clothes and jewelry.
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32. I call, uh, um...
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33. wait, what's left?
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34. - Dad's DVDs.
- Dibs.
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35. All the cards we've ever given Mom.
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36. - Mine.
- This is all happening so fast.
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37. Put your seat-backs and tray tables up
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38. - because we're about to take off.
- Okay.
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39. - Whoo!
- Seaplane flying lessons?
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40. What's a seaplane?
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41. I want to say it's a plane you can see,
but that can't be right.
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42. I was at the market and I took this flyer
out of a woman's shopping cart,
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43. and I signed you and me up
for flying lessons.
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44. First lesson's free.
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45. Aren't you excited?
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46. Uh, no. I hate flying on big planes.
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47. Why would I want to go on a smaller,
even less comfortable plane?
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48. Are you doing that thing
where you're mean to seaplanes,
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49. because you really like seaplanes?
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50. Pulling on their hair.
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51. Let's just stick to good old Rudy's.
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52. No, no, no.
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53. No more boring dates.
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54. We need adventure, excitement.
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55. - We're flying. Look at me.
- No, Lin.
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56. - Come on, give me your hand.
No, I don't. No.
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57. - Lin, stop. I'm not going on a seaplane.
- Look out. Look out for the bird.
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58. There's a balloon. How'd that get up here?
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59. - I'm not in the air.
- Oh, look at the town from up here.
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60. I don't see anything. I'm on the ground.
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61. I see it. The people look like ants.
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62. No, wait, those are ants.
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63. - And that's where Ma lives and Pa.
- I told you, I didn't go in the plane.
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64. - I'm not with you.
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65. Fine! Then I'll go
on our adventure by myself.
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66. You go to Rudy's
and have a cannelloni all alone-y.
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67. Oh, my. She just rhyme-burned you.
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68. Put some lotion on that.
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69. Yoo-hoo.
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70. I'm here for the seaplane lesson.
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71. - Are one of you fellas the flight teacher?
- Oh, not me, I'm old.
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72. But if you're looking for a father figure,
look no further, young lady.
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73. - Aw. No.
- Fair enough.
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74. Hi there. I'm Kurt. Nice to meet you.
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75. I'm Linda.
This was supposed to be a couple's lesson.
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76. But my husband's being a jerk.
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77. I mean, he didn't want to come.
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78. I mean, he couldn't come.
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79. Too bad. His loss.
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80. - I'll go.
- Gus?
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81. Just kidding.
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82. I know I'm not allowed to go.
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83. Well, let me introduce you.
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84. Linda, this is Shoshana.
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85. She's a 1968 Sweetnam Eagle
that I rebuilt by hand.
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86. She's 45 years old, but she looks 30,
and she handles like she's 18.
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87. Oh, if I die today,
I want that on my headstone.
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88. I love it.
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89. Go ahead and grab ahold of that yoke.
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90. Now, once that little needle
reaches 60 knots.
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91. We're flying!
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92. No, you're flying.
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93. Oh!
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94. Ha, ha! I'm flying. I am flying.
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95. You're a great teacher, Kurt.
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96. You're great for noticing.
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97. I am flying.
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98. Better than breadsticks. Whoo-hoo!
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99. I haven't heard that one but okay.
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100. - Uh, hi, Mr. Fischoeder.
- Shh! Shh! Quiet, Bob.
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101. All right, see you in hell, Roger.
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102. What? This is the only spot
I get good reception.
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103. Oh, is someone taking flying lessons?
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104. Yeah, our mom.
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105. Poor Bob. I had no clue you and Linda
were on the rocks.
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106. - We're not.
- You're not, not on the rocks.
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107. Ah, denial.
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108. A woman doesn't take flying lessons
from Upskirt Kurt,
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109. because she's satisfied in her marriage.
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110. Wait, what are you talking about?
Who's Upskirt Kurt?
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111. Oh, yeah, I've heard of that guy.
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112. The macho seaplane pilot
who beds bored housewives.
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113. What do you mean "beds"?
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114. He makes their beds?
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115. - No, Gene. Kurt is seducing your mommy.
Hm...
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116. I hope he's a good listener
because that bird likes to chirp.
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117. All right, knock it off.
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118. It's just a flying lesson.
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119. With Upskirt Kurt.
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120. Look, you know what's happening right now?
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121. She's cramped in a way too small space,
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122. nauseous from diesel fumes
and this guy's B.O.
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123. You just described her life with you.
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124. Trust me, she is hating it.
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125. Whoa!
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126. I wouldn't be too sure, Bob.
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127. See, uh, Kurt has a certain aphrodisiac
he utilizes.
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128. Aphrodisiac?
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129. Yes, yes. First, he pretends
there's a problem with the plane.
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130. - What's that sound? What's that sound?
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131. - Are we okay?
- Huh, that's odd.
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132. We're losing altitude.
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133. - Radio's dead.
- What?
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134. What's going on? What's happening?
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135. - We're okay, but we're going down.
- Oh!
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136. Then a fake emergency landing
on an uninhabited island.
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137. Quippiquisset Island, to be precise.
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138. But the locals call it "Quicky Kiss-it."
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139. Why do they call it that?
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140. It's a make-out island.
Where people go to make-out.
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141. - That's why I want to get a kayak.
- Quicky Kiss-it?
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142. Emergency landing? That cannot work.
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143. It could, Bob. Look at Castaway.
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144. Tom Hanks falls in love with a volleyball.
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145. It works. Kurt's a hero.
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146. And the bored wife is putty
in his big, strong hands.
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147. I didn't know he had
big, strong hands.
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148. Or putty.
- We're gonna die.
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149. I've never died before
and I'm not about to start now.
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150. The bored wife cheats death,
then cheats on her husband.
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151. That's the power of adrenaline, kids.
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152. Oh, you should teach at my school.
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153. And you should work in my coal mine.
Got to go.
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154. - Sorry about your marriage.
- So, so sorry, Bob.
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155. Look, I really don't think
a professional flight instructor
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156. is going around
faking emergency landings, Teddy.
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157. You're probably right.
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158. Linda, look at me.
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159. We're gonna be okay.
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160. - I'm gonna set her down nice and easy.
- Okay.
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161. - Oh, God, the engine.
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162. I don't want to die. I don't want to die.
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163. Just got to point the nose down
and do a controlled dive.
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164. Oh, we're gonna crash!
- No, we're gonna flare.
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165. Wait for the plane to settle
onto the water.
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166. Just like a duck on a pond.
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167. Okay.
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168. Duck, duck, duck.
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169. Oh, duck, duck, duck.
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170. Duck. Duck. Duck.
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171. Quackity, quackity.
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172. Quackity, quackity.
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173. Duckity duck!
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174. You did it!
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175. We're alive!
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176. Oh, Kurt, you saved us.
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177. I did. I really did.
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178. - I guess between my training and my—
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179. - Instincts—
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180. Okay.
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181. Oh, God.
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182. - I've got mouthwash around here somewhere.
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183. Upskirt Kurt, what a nickname.
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184. I mean, it rhymes, for one.
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185. Is Mom wearing a skirt?
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186. I can't remember.
What did she wear today?
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187. Maybe he supplies the skirts on the plane.
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188. All right, knock it off.
Your mom isn't being seduced right now.
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189. And I shouldn't have to say
that to my kids.
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190. You did get into a big fight
with her earlier.
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191. - And shouldn't she be back by now?
- She should.
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192. Oh, God. You know what?
Let's go down and meet her at the docks.
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193. Not like I'm worried but just because I—
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194. We should see the docks.
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195. Oh! Nothing like seeing a good dock,
right, Dad?
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196. Mm-hm.
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197. Uh, excuse me, sir.
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198. I'm looking for my wife.
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199. She's taking a flying lesson.
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200. She may or may not be wearing a skirt.
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201. Oh, my goodness, this is awkward.
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202. Uh, what? Why?
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203. Nothing.
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204. So, flying lesson, huh?
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205. Uh, yes, she's supposed to be back by now.
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206. Gosh. I just don't normally see
the husband.
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207. Or the kids. Jeesh.
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208. Real life comes up
and hits you in the face.
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209. Uh, okay, all right.
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210. Maybe we should go check out the island.
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211. You know, just to be safe.
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212. Uh, sir, how do we get to, um, uh...
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213. Quicky Kiss-it Island.
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214. It's called Quippiquisset.
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215. And I have no idea.
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216. I guess the best way to get there
is to crash a seaplane.
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217. What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be rescuing your bride?
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218. I'm trying to get out there.
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219. Someone's got to have a boat
for hire around here.
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220. What do you think this is, Key West?
Everybody's just got a boat?
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221. This guy thinks everywhere is Key West.
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222. Take the ferry to King's Head Island.
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223. Maybe there you'll find this colorful,
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224. fictional boat-for-hire
that you're looking for.
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225. Yeah, it's got to be colorful, right, Dad?
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226. Okay, yeah, the ferry. Let's do it.
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227. Tick-tock, Bob.
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228. Upskirt Kurt moves faster than this.
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229. He's not called
"Kurt the Long Slow Courtship Guy!"
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230. - She's not cheating on me!
Okay.
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231. Well, what do we do now? The radio's dead.
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232. No one knows we're here.
Can you fix the plane?
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233. Maybe. The engine's still too hot though.
We'll have to wait it out.
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234. Man, I'm parched.
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235. - Prosecco?
- Ooh. I love champagne.
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236. It's, uh, prosecco.
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237. What? Oh, God.
These bubbles make me burp.
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238. - You always fly with champagne?
- Prosecco.
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239. I was gonna take my mother on a picnic
after our lesson.
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240. She lives upstate.
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241. I love her dearly, and she loves picnics.
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242. Aw.
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243. But since we're stranded,
we'll need the energy.
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244. Do you like cheese?
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245. I love cheese.
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246. Almost dying really makes you hungry.
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247. It does, but I promise you,
I'll find us a way off of this rock.
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248. Got any mozz?
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249. Hey, let's get out of the sun
so we don't dehydrate.
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250. There might be a shady meadow
over that hill.
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251. And maybe go a little easy on the cheese.
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252. Oh, it's good.
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253. Wow, you were right about the meadow.
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254. Hey, look, a lute.
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255. I always wanted to play one of these.
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256. The hell's a lute?
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257. - You're a little flat there.
- No, I'm not. You're flat.
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258. No, I'm— If anything, I was sharp
because you were flat.
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259. Or I was perfect.
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260. So long, mainland.
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261. My island name will be Daiquiri Zachary.
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262. When you're not pouring drinks,
you're solving mysteries.
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263. Quicky Kiss-it?
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264. Can there really be a whole island
for kissing?
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265. Whoa.
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266. Dad, what's gonna happen
when you see Upskirt Kurt?
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267. - Are you gonna punch him?
- I'm not punching anyone, Louise.
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268. Dad's not a fighter, he's a yeller.
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269. An old yeller.
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270. Normally I'd agree,
but we're talking about Dad's woman.
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271. I think it gets physical.
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272. I'm sure nothing is happening
on that island.
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273. - Mr. Fischoeder.
- No.
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274. Why didn't you say you had a boat?
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275. I have a boat!
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276. There. Are you happy?
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277. - No!
- Bye!
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278. Uh, excuse me,
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279. can you take us to Quippiquisset Island?
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280. Aka Quicky Kiss-it Island.
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281. Where the currency is kisses
and everyone is rich.
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282. - That's my daughter.
- Well, I can take you as far as here.
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283. - That's my mail route.
- Great. That'd be great.
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284. No one lives on Quippiquisset,
so no one sends mail there.
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285. Just neckers and canoodlers
on Quippiquisset.
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286. Hm.
- Uh, okay.
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287. - And gropers.
- Huh.
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288. Got it.
We'll, uh, take the ride right away.
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289. Something about Quippiquisset
just makes people horny as hell.
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290. Okay, thank you.
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291. Here, have a grape. They're juicy.
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292. Nah, I got the stuff grapes grow up
to be right here.
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293. Well, I've got the stuff boys grow up
to be right here.
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294. Okay.
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295. You think the engine's cool enough
to check on now?
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296. Hard to say.
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297. There's a lot of heat on this island.
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298. The heat of the engine,
the heat between you and me, us.
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299. - What are you doing?
- Giving in.
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300. - Join me.
- Giving in? What?
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301. We just had a brush with death.
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302. Our adrenaline and our endorphins
are running wild,
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303. let's go with it.
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304. No, no, no.
My endorphins want to go home.
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305. Really? Well, my endorphins think
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306. we should take turns kissing
each other's faces.
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307. You go first.
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308. - Okay, I'll go first.
- Whoa!
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309. Kurt, wrong idea.
Cool your engines right now, buddy.
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310. Isn't this what you want?
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311. Adventure?
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312. Linda, you asked the universe for help,
and it gave you me.
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313. Namaste.
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314. Captain, you are not cleared for landing,
capisce?
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315. Kiss me, Linda, and we can fly lying down.
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316. - Ow!
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317. - What the hell?
- Wow, that really works.
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318. Why would you head-butt me?
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319. I was gonna punch you,
but I'm holding wine.
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320. - I can't believe you're rejecting me.
- Yeah, I'm married, you idiot.
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321. So are all my other clients. Ugh!
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322. Everything was going perfectly.
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323. What do you mean? We crash-landed.
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324. - Kind of.
You didn't.
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325. - Ow!
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326. - Stop it.
- That's for faking an emergency.
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327. And since there's nothing wrong
with the plane, let's go.
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328. - Now.
- Fine.
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329. Let me just put the lute back.
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330. That there is Quippiquisset.
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331. Good day for necking.
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332. Don't kiss anybody, Linda!
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333. Not that I think you would.
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334. Don't get pregnant!
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335. I want to be the baby!
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336. No. Do get pregnant. I want a brother!
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337. Or maybe get a dog first, to practice?
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338. You guys want to read some mail,
take your mind off of things?
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339. All right, where'd you hide your dumb
flying boat?
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340. Oh, no.
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341. No, no, no!
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342. Seriously, where's the plane?
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343. I don't know! It must have floated away.
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344. - What? How the hell does that happen?
- The tide came in.
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345. - So now we're stuck here?
- My plane.
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346. Oh, my God, oh, my God, my plane!
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347. - Ow!
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348. You turd!
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349. Hey, hey, hey! Come on.
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350. Help!
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351. Someone get me off this stinking island!
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352. We're gonna starve out here,
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353. all because you thought I was so bored
of my marriage
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354. that I would have sex
with some slimy seaplane pilot.
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355. Unbelievable.
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356. No. We're gonna starve
because you ate all the cheese.
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357. I bet that picnic wasn't even
for your mother.
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358. Doy, Linda.
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359. Look, I'm not gonna apologize
for giving women what they want.
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360. Women do not want to be tricked
into having sex.
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361. Well, when you say it like that,
it sounds gross.
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362. Listen, buster, you stay on your side
of the island,
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363. I'll stay on mine.
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364. - Wait, switch sides, that side's better.
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365. Well, this is as far as I can take you.
Time to reseal some of these envelopes.
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366. Definitely a federal offense.
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367. Nope, think you're wrong there.
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368. Not if you seal them back up.
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369. Right, yep.
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370. You're not gonna go telling on me,
are you?
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371. Nope. We got to find a way
to get to Quippiquisset.
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372. - Dinghy for four?
- Whoa, whoa, but that's not ours.
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373. Come on, Dad, suck it up.
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374. We got to get to Quicky-Kiss-it
before he quicky-kisses Mom.
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375. Sheesh, this island's seen
a lot of emergency landings.
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376. - Hey, Linda?
- What, Kurt?
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377. You got every right to hate me.
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378. Now that I've had a little time to think,
I hate me, too.
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379. Yeah, because you're a jerk.
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380. I'm pathetic.
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381. I chase bored housewives. Why?
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382. Because I don't have any love in my life.
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383. No, you don't.
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384. - I know, I don't.
- I know.
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385. I like to think there's someone out there
for everyone, but, uh...
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386. But...
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387. - Okay, all right.
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388. I know. I know. Shh.
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389. Okay, shh. Stop it.
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390. Stop it.
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391. All right, come on.
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392. All right, don't be such a baby.
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393. There's probably somebody
out there for you.
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394. Some freak.
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395. Hey!
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396. What's wrong with you?
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397. Your hands are soft. Rub my breasts.
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398. No.
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399. Why is rowing so hard?
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400. Are we even moving?
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401. Tidal wave!
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402. Here comes another one.
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403. What is with these waves?
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404. They just keep coming!
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405. - There she is. Linda!
Bob?
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406. Kids? You found us.
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407. - Kids, stay in the boat.
- It's a dinghy.
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408. - Get your hands off her, Upskirt Kurt.
- Huh?
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409. My hands are nowhere near her.
I don't understand.
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410. You know what I mean.
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411. Easy, friend.
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412. We're not friends.
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413. - You think we're friends?
- Yes, I do.
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414. Are you seeing how tan this guy is?
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415. That's all I'm seeing.
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416. Careful, Dad.
Watch out for his big, strong tan hands.
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417. Hey, hey, guy.
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418. Let me tell you something—
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419. —guy!
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420. In a second.
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421. I just got to catch my breath.
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422. Rowing is really hard.
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423. But you make it look so easy, Dad.
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424. No, you don't. You look horrible.
Mom's gonna leave you for Kurt.
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425. - Ah-ah-ah! Stay on your side.
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426. - Ow! You punched my butt.
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427. What is it with you people?
What were you even aiming for?
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428. I don't know.
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429. The rowing really killed me.
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430. I can't raise my hands very high.
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431. Lin, did he try anything?
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432. Oh, yeah, couple times.
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433. But I smooshed his face like this.
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434. Call her off, call her off.
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435. Hey, look, it's Mr. Fischoeder.
- What? Mr. Fischoeder!
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436. Bob?
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437. Is that you? You look macarooned.
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438. We are! Help us!
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439. Look what I found.
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440. - Shoshana.
- Eh, Sho-shove it.
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441. - Ow!
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442. Well, climb aboard if you want a ride.
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443. - Can we ride in the plane?
- Sure.
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444. Okay, just wipe your feet off. Ah!
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445. Sorry to leave you, Quicky Kiss-it.
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446. We both know you haven't seen the last
of Tina Belcher.
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447. So...
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448. how was the lesson?
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449. - Great.
- Yeah.
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450. This is way better than Rudy's, huh?
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451. Bottomless salad bowl looking
a little better now, huh, Lin?
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452. Oh, go suck on a crouton.
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453. So, how many horses you got
under the hood?
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454. Uh, I think about a thousand.
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455. - Is that a lot?
- Oh, that's a lot.
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456. Let's see.
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457. Yee-haw!
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458. Whoa, that boat can really zoom.
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459. Buckle your seat belts, kids.
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460. It's getting a little bumpy.
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461. And a little fly-y.
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462. Holy crap. We're lifting off.
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463. And we are airborne, people.
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464. Yay! I got in the Mile High Club.
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465. Early admission.
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466. Hey. We got to tell them to slow down.
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467. Hey!
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468. - Where's the horn on this thing?
- There's no horn.
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469. You should really lower the plane, guys.
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470. - We know, Tina.
- I mean, because of that.
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471. Bridge!
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472. Oh, it's also got a stereo.
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473. - All right.
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474. The plane's not lowering.
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475. We're going too fast.
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476. Then we got to go up.
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477. We got to go over the bridge.
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478. - How?
- We have to cut the towrope somehow.
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479. Gene, hand me that toolbox.
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480. Oh, come on, there's nothing in here
but massage oil and a wine opener.
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481. Wine opener.
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482. - Ding.
- Thank you, Louise.
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483. This is no time for wine, Dad.
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484. Oh, man.
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485. You're going out there?
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486. Yes, Louise, I'm going out on the wing
of an airplane.
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487. It's called a pontoon.
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488. Pontoon.
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489. - Shut up, Gene!
And that's called a bridge.
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490. Oh, Bobby, this is crazy.
Don't go out there.
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491. I have to. Okay, I can do this.
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492. Bobby, be careful.
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493. I'm trying!
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494. But also hurry, please.
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495. Yes, thank you for that.
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496. Oh, Bob, I'm sorry.
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497. I'm sorry I said you were boring.
I should never have signed up for this.
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498. No, Lin, I'm sorry.
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499. I know we should go
on better date nights. I—
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500. Maybe you should just have
this conversation later!
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501. - Yeah. She's right, she's right.
- I agree!
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502. That would be best!
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503. - Did you save us yet, Dad?
- Not yet, Tina.
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504. How about now, Dad?
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505. No. I'm trying to do it!
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506. - How much progress have you made?
- It's not a real knife.
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507. - And I'm on the wing of a plane!
Pontoon.
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508. Just a percent, a percent.
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509. It's looking pretty grim, Dad.
Just saying.
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510. The constant questions aren't helping!
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511. Wait, wait, almost got it.
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512. - Oh, boy.
Bridge, bridge, bridge!
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513. Linda, hit it. Go up!
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514. Are you still there, Bob?
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515. Yes. I want to be inside now, though!
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516. - Dad.
- Dad.
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517. Oh, Bobby. You rescued us.
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518. - That was close.
- Oh, you're my hero.
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519. - Oh, it's okay, I puked, too.
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520. Linda, you're flying.
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521. I know, right?
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522. Wait. Can you land?
I mean, did you learn that?
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523. No.
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524. - Oh.
- Oh.
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525. Well, that might be an issue.
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526. Oh!
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527. - That's odd.
- What?
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528. - Never mind.
- Okay.
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529. Oh, I think I know what to do.
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530. Kurt was faking it,
but I watched him take this thing down.
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531. - Then do that.
- Yeah.
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532. - Now.
- Do it now.
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533. I am. Just got to act like we're going
to crash...
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534. Crash? Why are we gonna act
like we're doing that?
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535. Here we go.
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536. This should work.
It's not working!
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537. I can do this. I feel like Amelia Earhart.
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538. Oh, God, she died.
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539. I feel like a regular captain
on a regular plane.
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540. What the...?
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541. And flair mama!
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542. Shoshana, Shoshana! Oh, oh, oh...
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543. God, God, God.
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544. Looks like Kurt's trying to land
with his penis again.
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545. Yes!
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546. How are we alive?
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547. Because your mom is incredible.
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548. Flying's the best.
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549. Why do we drive anywhere?
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550. Best date ever.
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551. Whoo! I have so much adrenaline pumping
through my veins.
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552. - Me, too.
- Oh, it really puts me in the mood, Bobby.
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553. - Oh, yeah, me, too.
- Yeah.
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554. Crash-landing really is an aphrodisiac.
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555. Kids, uh, swim to shore.
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556. Your father and I are gonna have
a "Proshecco" picnic.
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557. - Prosecco.
- Oh, yeah, that.
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558. Okay.
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559. Bye, Tina.
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560. Tina, come back.
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561. We were joking.
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562. Remember, do your ice cream scoops.
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563. Oh, now I'm hungry for ice cream.
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