1. Low tide is great.
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2. The ocean is just giving this stuff away?
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3. If you see any bottles,
check for a romantic message inside.
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4. I call dibs on any hook hands or peg legs.
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5. Hey, what do you think this is?
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6. It smells disgusting!
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7. No, wait, it smells amazing!
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8. Like the boys' locker room
on a hot summer day.
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9. Gross!
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10. Great!
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11. Gross! Great!
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12. I can't stop smelling this enigma
of gross-great.
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13. Is that what sex will be like?
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14. - Hey, Mr. Fisch.
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15. Hey, m'lady Bob.
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16. Uh, rent's not due, is it?
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17. I mean, more due than usual?
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18. Relax. I just stopped by
to introduce you to my brother.
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19. - Brother? I didn't know you had a brother.
- Yep, I have a brother. Felix.
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20. He's, in town for a while.
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21. His inheritance ran out.
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22. So he'll be doing
some of the landlording around here.
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23. Keep him out of my hair, will you?
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24. Um, okay. Where is he?
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25. He's right, uh... Oh.
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26. Oh, he might not want to come in.
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27. - Felix, come here.
No!
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28. - Felix...
- It looks gross!
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29. Please, Felix. It's okay to come in.
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30. I came in, and look at me. I'm fine.
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31. - There you go. Hi, pal.
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32. Hi! Greetings!
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33. - I don't want to be here.
- Shush.
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34. For all your landlording needs,
Felix is your man.
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35. Oh, great. Well, did you get my messages
about the bathroom?
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36. That I left you?
For the last several months?
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37. Yes, I got them.
How the hell did you get my number?
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38. You gave it to me when we met.
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39. Not to use!
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40. Well, last week, the sink exploded.
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41. And the hot water is brown.
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42. Hot brown water?
Felix loves hot brown water.
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43. - I do?
- He's good at all that stuff
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44. that you just were yammering on about.
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45. Well, gotta go.
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46. Okay, so do you want to call a...
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47. Yes, I'll call whatever you were
about to say.
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48. - Plumber.
- Plumber. Of course, yes.
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49. - Why?
- You know, I can just call him.
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50. - I'm supposed to call him!
- Okay.
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51. Oh, my God. Is it always like this?
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52. Does it always take this long
and this much talking?
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53. - What?
- Don't say anything else!
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54. I'm not getting roped
into another hour-long discussion!
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55. I'll call your plumber! Goodbye!
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56. Rich people run funny.
Must be all the money in their pockets.
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57. Or it's their big, rich, golden wieners.
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58. - Ehh, it's probably their wieners.
- Yep.
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59. Guys, you know that lump
we found on the beach?
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60. - My name's Gene!
- No, the smelly lump.
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61. His name's Gene!
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62. The other lump. It's called ambergris.
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63. Ambergris, aka beach garbage.
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64. And it comes from sperm whales,
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65. "When a whale eats a squid,
the sharp squid beak
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66. may irritate the whale's
digestive system."
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67. Hey, whale, maybe stop
eating sharp squid beak!
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68. What are you trying to do?
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69. "When that happens,
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70. the whale's stomach coats the squid beak
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71. in a waxy substance
that the whale then passes."
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72. Passes to who? Like in sports?
Boring whale sports.
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73. - I think "passes" means "poops out."
- Go on.
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74. "Fun fact, ambergris is used
in the production
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75. of high-end perfumes."
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76. People pay to wear whale poop?
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77. Wake up, Louise!
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78. People wear all sorts of animal poops
we don't even know about!
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79. It's not poop at all.
It's a waxy substance
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80. - that whales secrete from—
- Whoa! You can eat it!
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81. "King Charles II's favorite meal
was ambergris and eggs."
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82. Yep, he looks like
a breakfast-for-dinner kind of guy.
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83. That piece sold for $30,000?
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84. Our piece is bigger than that piece.
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85. Jackpot!
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86. Wait, whoa, whoa, where is our piece?
Where is it?
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87. Gene put it in Mom and Dad's bed.
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88. Hey, why are you going into our bedroom?
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89. Probably putting something gross
in our bed.
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90. I'm taking something
gross out of your bed!
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91. - Oh, good.
- Thanks, sweetie!
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92. Okay. Here it is.
I'm holding $30,000 in my hands.
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93. If somebody wants this
and has that much money,
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94. they will give it to us?
Am I saying that right?
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95. That can't possibly be right.
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96. Slice me off
a little nugget of that, will ya?
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97. I just want to rest it on my tongue.
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98. No way, Gene.
Hey, but with your share of the money,
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99. you can buy some other ambergris
and eat that.
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100. Yes! It's like instant
gratification but later!
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101. Uh...
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102. What, Tina?
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103. - We can't sell it.
- What are you talking about?
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104. It says here,
ambergris is illegal to sell,
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105. because whales are endangered.
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106. Oh, well. I'll just, look up the number
for the whale crimes unit.
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107. Tina? No.
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108. You're right. We can just ask
Mom and Dad what to do with it.
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109. - They're pretty cool.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tina,
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110. you're not telling Mom or Dad
or anybody, do you hear me?
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111. We found it, we're the ones
who are gonna get rich, okay?
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112. But it's illegal.
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113. - Tina, sweetie...
- Yeah?
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114. Guess what? I got a secret.
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115. - Okay.
- Okay, ready?
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116. - You want to hear the secret?
- Yeah, what is it?
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117. We're selling it!
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118. Tina, tell me the secret.
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119. Juicy.
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120. Good morning, parents.
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121. And good morning to you,
partners in victimless crime.
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122. What do you think the odds
are that Felix will send a plumber today?
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123. Twenty-twenty! Wait, is that an odd?
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124. Speaking of odd, yesterday, on the beach,
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125. - Gene, Louise and I found a—
- Sister! A word?
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126. What the hell was that?
You're gonna blow our whole operation.
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127. I'm sorry, Louise,
I just wanted to get Mom and Dad's advice
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128. about whether we should tell Mom and Dad.
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129. - I mean, whales are endangered, so...
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130. Just find a whale to give your money to
when this is all over, okay?
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131. Start a whale scholarship or something.
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132. Greetings, sisters.
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133. Gene, what are you nibbling on?
Is that a piece of the lump?
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134. - I'm protecting it.
- Give it to me.
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135. - Mm-mm.
- Give it to me.
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136. You spit it out.
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137. - You spit it out. Open up that craw!
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138. And spit it out!
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139. - Listen up, blubber lover.
- Uh-huh.
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140. You use your share to buy more ambergris
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141. that's the plan, remember?
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142. Oh, all right!
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143. - God, you're like a goat.
- I am like a goat.
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144. Listen, I thought of a connection
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145. - who can help us move this stuff.
- Who?
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146. The hardest, most ruthless
criminal we know.
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147. - Hi, Mickey!
- Hey, Mickey.
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148. Kids, what a nice surprise!
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149. - Nice gig.
- Yep. The "Queezy Queen."
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150. It's good honest work.
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151. Pull the lever, push the lever,
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152. "you have to be this tall,"
and that is it.
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153. - Uh-huh.
- Yep. Just push and pull.
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154. - Very Zahn.
- You mean "Zen"?
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155. Zahn. Steve Zahn.
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156. - He's an actor I admire.
- Love that guy!
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157. Hey, Mickey, can we talk to you
in private for a second?
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158. Sure. Step into my office.
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159. Like it? You guys comfortable?
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160. - Can I get anybody a water?
- We're good.
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161. Mickey, what would you say
if I told you somebody found something...
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162. - I'm in. Oh, great.
- Hold on. There's more.
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163. So, there's this thing that comes out
of whales' butts called ambergris.
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164. But little problem
it's illegal to buy and sell.
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165. Enter, you.
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166. Okay, gang, I'm intrigued.
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167. But I don't know.
I left the criminal life behind.
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168. Good for you. I used to be a thumb sucker,
and then I stopped, so I get it.
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169. Mickey, Mickey, Mickey!
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170. Come on, man. It's one last job.
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171. This is my last job.
This is my last-job moment.
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172. This is the one I do then I die
or go to jail at the end.
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173. No, no, no!
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174. This is the one you do
and then you are golden.
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175. Oh, okay. If I help,
I'd get some kind of finder's fee, right?
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176. Maybe, like... I don't know, 10 percent?
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177. - What? I mean, yeah, sure.
- That would help me buy my bar.
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178. I want to get a bunch of monkeys.
Call it the Monkey Bar. Or, ooh! Or crows.
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179. I could call it
the Bar with All the Crows!
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180. That's beautiful, Mickey.
I love your dreams.
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181. - Oh, I gotta go, I gotta go.
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182. Sorry, kids! Bonus round, right?
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183. - I'm back!
- Felix. Hi.
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184. Are you here to tell us
the plumber is coming?
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185. To fix the hot brown water?
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186. No. Because the hot brown water
is just the tip of the hot brown iceberg.
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187. I was just about to call the plumber.
Then I thought, "That's thinking small."
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188. Calling a plumber is thinking small?
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189. Tiny! We're gonna give your bathroom
a total remodel.
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190. - Oh.
- Wow.
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191. The bathroom's fine.
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192. It's just the water
that needs to be not brown.
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193. Yep! A total renovación!
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194. My brother will flip.
He'll be like, "Whoa!"
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195. And I'll be like, "Yeah! Calvin!
I friggin' did it!"
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196. - And he'll be like, "Oh, that's nice."
- Um—
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197. - So where is the latrine? Let me see it.
- Over there. It's over there.
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198. Oh, God! It's horrible.
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199. - It's not that bad.
- Wait, let me look at it one more time.
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200. Oh, my God!
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201. First, we're gonna tear everything out.
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202. - Yeah!
- Then we're gonna burn that sad
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203. - little poop corner to the ground.
- Yeah, burn it!
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204. - I don't think that's... No.
- Burn, baby, burn!
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205. And, in its place, we will build
a bathroom where anything can happen.
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206. Babies will be born!
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207. - Babies.
- All right.
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208. Men will die!
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209. They're gonna die.
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210. Maybe just fix the plumbing
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211. - and then do the—
- It's a new day, people. It's a new day.
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212. You can't hurt us again, bathroom!
Never again!
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213. Oh, my God.
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214. Sleep tight, little ambergris lump.
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215. Good night, ambergris.
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216. - Mm.
- Gene, no licking!
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217. Hey, what? The lump made the first move!
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218. I'll tuck it in. Ow!
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219. Everyone say good night
without touching it or licking it
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220. or hurting its value on the black market.
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221. - Say good night!
Good night.
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222. Okay, now walk away.
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223. Ambergris, I'm gonna eat some old cheese,
but I'll be thinking of you.
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224. What? Who's there? What's that?
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225. Pretty, pretty, pretty.
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226. Thirty thousand dollars.
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227. Thirty thousand dollars.
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228. Put it on the boat, Hovig.
Put the tile on the boat.
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229. Hovig, calm down.
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230. You know me,
I'm not gonna burn you on this.
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231. Ho— Talk to him, Linda, please.
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232. Hovig, listen to me. He won't burn you.
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233. Wait, wait, who's Hovig?
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234. Felix, how long is this gonna take?
We need a bathroom.
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235. Some people come here
just for the bathroom.
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236. And I say, "Customers only,"
then they buy a soda.
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237. Bob, shh. It's the tile guy, come on.
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238. Okay, if you could just give me a ballpark
of when this will be done.
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239. Okay. Thank you, Hovig. I love you, honey.
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240. She's great with Hovig.
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241. Did you sleep at all last night, Louise?
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242. Sleep? Soon I'll have people
who do my sleeping for me!
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243. - Bob's Burgers!
- Oh.
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244. Louise, it's Mickey!
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245. Oh, hi, girl who sits behind me
in math class.
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246. What? No, no, it's Mickey! Brown hair?
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247. Hands a little bit small,
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248. - out of proportion with his body?
- Yeah, what's the good word,
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249. math class friend?
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250. Oh, you're being discreet.
See, I should do that.
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251. Anyway, good news,
I found somebody to move the ambergris!
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252. - You did? Who?
- You're not gonna believe it,
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253. the fried dough guy.
He works right near the Queezy Queen.
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254. Really? You found someone at Wonder Wharf?
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255. Uh, don't be alarmed
but pretty much everyone working
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256. at Wonder Wharf is a criminal.
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257. Even Sally the snow cone lady?
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258. Are you kidding?
Especially Sally the snow cone lady.
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259. - Okay. Well, let's go see your guy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, compadre.
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260. I gotta wait till my next break.
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261. Can we say 3:00-ish? You want to meet here
and then we'll head over and see the Nose?
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262. - Who's the Nose?
- That's my guy.
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263. He's got an amazing sense of smell.
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264. Oh, that's why they call him the Nose.
I just got it.
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265. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And...
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266. He can verify the ambergris.
If he likes what he smells,
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267. he'll buy it off you right on the spot.
Ten percent to me,
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268. we go our separate ways. Or hang out.
I don't know what you guys are up to,
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269. - but I'm just—
- Gotta go. Wait for further instruction.
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270. Bye!
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271. Kids meeting. Upstairs. Now.
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272. We've been having a lot of kid meetings.
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273. This is why we need a conference room.
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274. Mickey told me the name
of his connect and where he works,
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275. so it's sayonara, Mickey!
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276. What are you saying, Louise?
We're cutting out Mickey?
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277. He cut himself out
by giving us the information.
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278. It's not my fault
he's bad at being a criminal.
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279. But Mickey was gonna use
that money to go straight.
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280. He was gonna open that straight bar.
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281. Okay, Tina, you're too emotional.
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282. You just bought yourself
a ticket to Not-Goingsville.
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283. - Gene, let's go.
- Here, I'll hold the lump.
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284. No way, Gene. I've seen how you hold it
in your mouth.
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285. It needs to be stored
at mouth temperature!
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286. You know what? I'm going alone!
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287. I'm taking charge
so you two won't screw this up!
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288. - You want to end up like Mickey?
- Five-foot-ten?
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289. - Comfortable in his own skin?
- No! Cut out!
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290. - Cut, cut, cut!
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291. This stuff is making you crazy!
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292. It's tearing us apart!
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293. Why couldn't that whale have pooped
three equally sized poops like I do!
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294. This isn't like you, Louise.
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295. - You used to be nice, sort of.
- If you're gonna sell that
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296. - then you're doing it alone.
- Yes, that's the plan.
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297. That's exactly what I'm doing.
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298. What are you doing?
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299. You don't walk into a deal
just holding the stuff.
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300. You tape it to your back.
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301. Watch a movie!
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302. Okay. Let me get that for you.
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303. Thank you.
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304. The tape doesn't stick.
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305. Stay still. I'll get the duct tape
Dad uses to lock the front door at night.
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306. - It's ready.
- Ambergris lump secured?
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307. Check. Sample for The Nose to test? Check.
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308. I'm leaving here a girl
with a hunch on her back,
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309. but I'm coming back a girl
with a whole hunch of money.
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310. I'm mad, but I'm still
gonna wish you good luck!
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311. I got the DJ!
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312. Yay.
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313. The unveiling party,
it's gonna be amazing.
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314. Unveiling party?
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315. - Party time.
- We don't even have a bathroom that works,
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316. - and you're planning a party?
- The DJ might have to stay with you.
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317. - What?
- Yes. He's Brazilian, though,
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318. so... very cool.
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319. No, Felix, no.
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320. The burlesque girls, you know what,
let's just have them
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321. - dancing on the tables and the counter.
- Oh, burlesque girls. Classy.
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322. - Very classy.
- Please, sir, don't encourage this.
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323. You're not in—
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324. - What?
- You know what we're gonna do?
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325. We're gonna have a plumbing party,
all right? With a licensed plumber.
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326. To fix the bathroom.
Not a DJ, no burlesque show.
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327. - Okay.
- A plumber to fix the pipe!
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328. Bobby!
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329. So no girls, then? Or still girls?
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330. It's still happening.
I'll put you on the list.
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331. - Fried dough?
- Are you The Nose?
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332. That's what they call me, what do
they call you, Humpback Whacky Eyes?
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333. Listen, doughboy,
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334. I came to talk to you about real dough.
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335. Ah, I see. You're early.
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336. And you're rather tiny.
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337. Yeah, yeah, I'm a little girl.
Sorry I'm not huge and old.
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338. Where's Mickey?
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339. Mickey sends his regrets,
and this hearty handshake.
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340. Ugh, you put something gross in my hand!
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341. Oh, okay.
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342. Sweet Georgia O'Keeffe.
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343. This is finely aged.
You have the rest of it with you?
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344. Well, do you have the money?
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345. I want $30,000!
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346. Well, I don't have it on me.
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347. Then I don't have the stuff, do I, Nose?
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348. Oh, you know what? I just remembered.
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349. I went to the ATM yesterday.
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350. I have about $30,000 on me.
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351. Okay, great, great! Let's do this.
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352. Okay, count of three, I give you
the money, you give me the ambergris.
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353. - Sounds good.
- Okay.
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354. - Okay.
- One...
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355. - Two...
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356. Three!
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357. It's huge!
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358. Twelve dollars?
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359. - Oh, is it?
- Are you robbing me?
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360. - Yeah...
- What?
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361. Mickey's not here. You're very small.
It just makes sense.
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362. Yeah, okay, I get it, I get it.
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363. But what if I do this!
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364. Nope. Doesn't work.
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365. - Remember? You're small?
- You have to give it back!
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366. Mm. Hey, this smells like a cantaloupe
wrapped in dirty socks.
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367. It's a cantaloupe wrapped in dirty socks!
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368. Tina!
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369. Stay still. I'll get the duct tape
Dad uses to lock the front door at night.
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370. Dear Louise and or The Nose,
this is for your own good.
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371. Also, please return
the cantaloupe and the socks.
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372. Love, Tina.
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373. They're not that dirty. You can get
another day out of these, quite frankly.
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374. Okay, okay, okay,
if I were a double-dealing
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375. goody-goody with a treasure,
where would I go?
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376. - Is this a riddle?
- No.
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377. - Kid's book?
- No. And I wasn't talking to you, Nose.
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378. - Sorry!
- Don't you have some dough to fry?
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379. Easy there, Blinky.
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380. I don't have dough to fry,
I get to fry dough.
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381. This is a dream job.
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382. I never realized sinks could be so sexy.
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383. Oh, yes, sinks are the supermodels
of the bathroom, as I like to say.
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384. Yeah! I call this one "Sinky Crawford."
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385. - Sinky Craw—
- Do you?
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386. - Yeah.
- Do you?
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387. - Yeah!
- That's great.
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388. That's so great.
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389. - Get it? Sink...
- Ha-ha!
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390. - Like—
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391. I am so sick of your attitude.
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392. Oh, yeah, it's my fault.
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393. Come here, Bob— Bobby, wait,
I didn't mean that. Bobby!
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394. Oh, my God! Look at this one!
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395. Oh, yeah. Hubba hubba.
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396. Are you sure we should do this, T?
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397. Yes. I know how we can still
use the lump for good.
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398. - Mickey can sell it and open his bar.
- The bar with the monkeys and the crows!
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399. It's what the world needs now!
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400. Don't worry about that sound
that's nothin'!
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401. That one, that's new.
I got to report that one.
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402. - Mi— Mickey...
- Hi.
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403. Louise...
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404. - She's meeting with the Nose right now.
- Uh-oh.
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405. Crossed wires alert.
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406. No. Louise cut you out. She cheated you.
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407. Ooh. That stings.
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408. But I'm giving you the lump, all of it.
You can use the money to go straight.
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409. Buy a juicer, it'll change your mornings.
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410. Or cowboy boots. Change your evenings.
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411. I'm honored, and I accept your offer.
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412. And I know exactly
how I'm gonna go straight.
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413. Yeah, your dream
the Monkey and/or Crow Bar.
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414. Nope. I'm gonna use the money
to buy a tank.
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415. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- And then I could use the tank
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416. - to rob a bank!
- Uh— Oh.
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417. - I'll be Mickey Tank-Bank!
- No!
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418. Yes! Mickey Tank-Bank!
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419. I shouldn't have come here! Why, whale?
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420. Why did you curse us with this poop or wax
or whatever it is?
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421. There's only one thing to do,
we have to destroy the ambergris.
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422. Whoa, hey, wait!
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423. I was just getting
to the "going straight" thing.
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424. I'm gonna do that after the bank.
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425. Tina, where are you going?
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426. Oh, my God, there she is!
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427. Tina! Sister!
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428. My only sister, there you are.
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429. Hi, Tina. We haven't met yet,
but I want that thing you're holding.
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430. Everybody get back. I'm gonna throw
the ambergris in the water.
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431. No! Whatever you do,
don't throw it in the water.
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432. Anything but the water!
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433. Wait. Doesn't ambergris float?
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434. - Oh.
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435. No!
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436. Stop her! She stole my baby!
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437. Seagulls! Swarm attack!
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438. - Ah, I thought that would work.
- Hot, hot pier!
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439. We got her.
Nowhere else to go, Tina.
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440. Hand it over. I want that money!
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441. - What?
- What part of
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442. don't you understand?
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443. Aha.
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444. No!
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445. It's for the best.
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446. Can I have the socks and cantaloupe back?
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447. I'll check in about it later.
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448. - [DJ] Everybody having a good time?
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449. I know you are.
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450. Can you drape it more casually? Like,
"Oh, I'm just a ribbon, no big deal."
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451. - Sure, yeah. How's this?
- Beautiful.
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452. Hey...
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453. So, I had a little time to think,
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454. and I guess I was
a tiny bit out of control
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455. the other day, you know, with the, uh...
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456. You know, the ambergris.
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457. - Huh, I didn't notice.
- Oh, seriously?
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458. No, I noticed.
You were really, really out of control.
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459. I don't know, I miss twitch-face Louise.
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460. Well, Gene, that's what happens
when you fry $30,000 in hot oil!
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461. - There it is, there's Twitchy.
- I'm fine. I'm good.
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462. - I'm just twitching to the music.
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463. - So, is this the unveiling?
- Yep.
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464. - How's it looking?
- Haven't seen it.
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465. Not feeling great about that.
Doesn't seem to matter to anybody.
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466. - The DJ slept in my living room.
- Bob!
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467. - Sergio.
- Hey, Mr. Fisch. Wine?
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468. Calvin. Welcome. Was it easy to get in?
I left your name at the door.
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469. Not bad, huh? You know, I'm kind of glad
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470. - the burlesque dancers didn't show.
- They didn't want to dance
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471. at a bathroom party.
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472. - What are they, royalty?
- Anyway, let's unveil this baby.
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473. - Okay, uh...
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474. Oh, God, I'm nervous.
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475. The new, improved Bob's-Restaurant-
that-sells-burgers bathroom!
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476. Oh, my God.
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477. Oh, my God. Which is the sink?
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478. - Which is the toilet?
- I'd pee in that. Or that.
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479. It doesn't quite match
the rest of the restaurant.
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480. Calm down, Bob.
I didn't forget you and your concerns.
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481. So the water works?
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482. - Oh, was that one of your concerns?
- Yeah. It was.
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483. Hold that thought.
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484. - Hmm?
- Calvin what do you think?
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485. Do you love it or do you love it?
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486. - What were my choices again?
- You hate it.
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487. - No.
- You do. You hate it.
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488. - You hate it, too, Bob, don't you?
- Yes, I do, hate it.
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489. You think it's stupid. Too gaudy.
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490. Too much black!
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491. Not all those things.
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492. You never support me!
- Felix, you're being dramatic.
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493. I'm not being dramatic!
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494. I just feel like
I'm gonna throw up my heart
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495. and my head will fly away like a bird!
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496. So, you got your bathroom done.
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497. I'm gonna rip it all out!
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498. Mr. Fischoeder,
can you do something about this?
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499. What, Felix? Oh, yes.
Step aside. Watch this.
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500. Now you guys say, it's Felix.
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501. Come on, Bob.
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502. Yeah!
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503. Works every time. My mother played bongos.
Bob, you were flat.
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504. I was just saying words.
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505. - You can't be flat when you're talking.
- You're flat. You're flat right now.
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506. - You're welcome.
- Thank you, Felix.
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507. Get a load of these two. Siblings, right?
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508. I'm glad we never fight or act crazy.
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509. So, who's gonna help me out here
and lift me up,
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510. - so I can pee in that weird round thing?
That's Teddy!
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511. Everybody having a good time?
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512. Yay.
I know you are.
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513. Party time.
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514. Oh...
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515. Hey...
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516. Oh!
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517. Yeah.
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518. Rio de Janeiro is where I'm from.
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519. Yeah.
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520. For bathroom unveiling today!
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521. City of God, that's my backyard.
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