Blue Mountain State 3x13

Directed by Alex Winter

Kwasi Songui as Coach Jon Jon • Omari Newton as Larry • Rob Ramsay as Donnie • James Cade as Harmon • Anthony Lemke as Marcus Gilday

The battle continues as the BMS and Blackwell teams fight it out on the corn field for bragging rights as to who the real champion is.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. The scandal that has rocked the college football world...

2. Twelve starters from Blue Mountain State,

3. as well as head coach Marty Daniels

4. have been suspended by the NCAA for various rule violations

5. and not allowed to participate in the National Championship game.

6. Feels good to be a champion.

7. That was the easiest game we've played all year by far.

8. You know, we didn't want to win it this way.

9. We wanted to beat their best...

10. Thad Castle, Moran, Coach Daniels.

11. And it sucks

12. because now there's always gonna be doubters.

13. And doubters should know that we'd play the real BMS team anytime.

14. Anywhere.

15. At what point did you realize that you had won the championship?

16. Well, when we went up by five touchdowns,

17. our offense took their foot off the gas.

18. There ain't no way BMS was gonna score on our D...

19. No way!

20. We played by the rules all season.

21. BMS did not.

22. That's why I'm sitting here tonight

23. and Coach Daniels is... wherever he is.

24. Coach, your system seemed to fall apart today

25. without Alex Moran at quarterback.

26. Do you stand by your system?

27. I think the system still works. I can plug players in.

28. Just today it didn't work out as I had hoped, that's all.

29. Do you think you're still employable as a D1 head coach

30. after such an embarrassing debut?

31. So the Blackwell Warriors are the new national champions.

32. But are they the best team in college football?

33. I still think it's Blue Mountain State,

34. but we'll never know.

35. You son of a bitch.

36. Thad. Thad Castle.

37. Thad! Hey, Thad!

38. Wake up, Thad.

39. Thad, wake up.

40. Hey, Thad.

41. Wake up, Thad.

42. And the Blackwell Warriors are the 2012 national champions!

43. I want to beat Thad Castle.

44. Anytime.

45. Anywhere.

46. Alex, what's up, buddy?

47. Wow, you look terrible. Yeah.

48. Hey, I've got an idea.

49. What do you say me and you go watch the girls' tennis team practice, right?

50. No. Come on, man, it'll be good.

51. You haven't been out of the house in a week. Come on.

52. I no longer care about the passage of time, Sammy.

53. Plus Donnie bet me I couldn't eat an entire pizza in one sitting.

54. Come on, man. It was only one game.

55. Hey, remember when we were little we used to play football in your backyard?

56. We played that game, and then after that game we'd start another game.

57. That's the great thing about football...

58. There's always next season, right?

59. You're right, Sammy.

60. It was just one game.

61. But really, maybe they're all just one game.

62. Maybe I shouldn't care about any of 'em.

63. I'm not finished.

64. It wasn't just one game. Oh, you.

65. It was my last shot at a title.

66. And those bastards at the NCAA

67. just took it away from me.

68. And why?

69. Because I did a little rabies,

70. I made a sexy tape?

71. They took it away from you

72. because you told them all of those things.

73. For the last time, I didn't know he was recording me!

74. On 12 separate occasions?

75. Ah. He was buying me drinks!

76. I know I screwed up, guys.

77. I'm gonna make it up to you, I swear.

78. Hey, guys, I've got a better way to spend the time.

79. It's called, "The best weed you've ever smoked."

80. And I'm going to use it to roll a mega spliff so big

81. it will take our entire O-line a week to finish it.

82. I love it.

83. Follow me.

84. I have the answers you're looking for.

85. How did you do that? Do what?

86. Darlene, what happened to all my pictures?

87. Tony took them down. It was bumming out the customers.

88. You know what, you tell Tony that I lied about him having the best coffee in town

89. Yeah and I think he's fat!

90. So how big is this joint gonna be?

91. I'm thinking maybe four feet long, about 1.5 feet around.

92. Let's make it five feet, huh?

93. Excuse me just for a moment, gentlemen.

94. Hey, Thad. Hey.

95. Mind if I borrow the keys to your truck?

96. What for? Are you looking for answers?

97. Sure, something like that.

98. Yeah, sure thing.

99. There you go.

100. Oh. Damn it!

101. Where are we?

102. The promised land, Alex.

103. Follow me.

104. I just lost a six-pack.

105. Where are we going? Yeah, Harmon.

106. You know what they say...

107. The man with the hash is the man with the stash.

108. Holy mother of Mary.

109. This is yours?

110. I planted this marijuana field when I was in my freshman year.

111. The farmer's cool with it and he gets all the free weed he wants.

112. Here is your answer.

113. Ah!

114. Well, this looks about ready to harvest.

115. What do you say we sample it tonight?

116. I'm in.

117. Thank you, God!

118. Let's go.

119. What are we doing here again?

120. You're my houseboy, Mascot. You don't ask questions.

121. You follow me and obey orders.

122. Are you gonna kill me?

123. Holy shit! Is all this weed for us?

124. It's for all of us.

125. I'm gonna start chopping. You start hauling.

126. I'll explain later.

127. If I could have one wish?

128. I'd wish for the chance to kick the shit out of that cheap punk Alex Moran.

129. I'd take him to a dark place, baby.

130. I was gonna say $50 million, but that sounds all right too.

131. God, I hate those guys.

132. It doesn't help that they're so handsome!

133. Did we make out before?

134. Mmm-hmm.

135. It was much better the last time, wasn't it?

136. Yeah, okay.

137. Oh, God, I think there's something wrong with the beer, guys.

138. It's giving me bad breath.

139. Mine tastes fine.

140. Have you guys seen Sammy?

141. Is he okay?

142. Who cares?

143. I heard that, Larry.

144. And God heard that too

145. and he's on my side right now.

146. So if I were you, I'd shut up.

147. Have you seen Sammy?

148. You know what? I say screw BMS.

149. You should be coaching pros anyway, Marty.

150. Call Jerry Jones.

151. He'll hire you. He'll hire anybody.

152. Hey, Coach,

153. I just wanted to say goodbye

154. and thank you for ruining my career.

155. You did that to yourself.

156. Oh, no, I did not bring shame to this program with an NCAA scandal.

157. That was you.

158. You wanted your shot and you got it.

159. But you couldn't handle it and now you want to blame me, right?

160. Yeah? If you could just control your players a little bit better,

161. we wouldn't be in this situation.

162. Hey, don't you tell me how to... Coach, come on.

163. Hey, I don't ever want to see your face in this locker room again.

164. Oh, you'll see it again

165. from another sideline next year, you cheating has-been!

166. I'm okay, all right? Relax.

167. Mascot. Yeah?

168. Make me some eggs.

169. You've got it, boss.

170. Hey, what the hell are you two doing sleeping in my barn?

171. Sir, my name is Thad Castle.

172. I'm a Blue Mountain State football player

173. who's been chosen by God to carry out a mission on your farm.

174. This is my houseboy. His name is Mascot.

175. How's it going?

176. Gun! Gun! What?

177. Anything I can do to help, Mr. Castle?

178. We want to beat Thad Castle.

179. And after we beat him, he can suck our schlongs.

180. Are you okay?

181. I was dreaming.

182. Nice.

183. You need a tissue?

184. Why would I need a tissue?

185. A wet dream.

186. I used to get them all the time, real bad too.

187. I'd like wake up all sticky, icky.

188. It's time to invite Blackwell to play.

189. Yeah, uh, have you seen Alex and the guys?

190. They are in no shape to play football.

191. They'll play.

192. God told me so.

193. I can picture this joint already.

194. It's gonna be like a huge zeppelin.

195. Yeah, man, we'll call it the Hindenburg,

196. watch it go up in flames.

197. Oh, the humanity! Oh!

198. You know, the Hindenburg wasn't funny, man.

199. Thirty six people died.

200. Larry, I think you're the one

201. who needs this joint more than all of us.

202. All right, boys,

203. get ready to feast your eyes on this.

204. Hey!

205. See? I told you they'd come.

206. Hey!

207. What did you do with all my weed?

208. That was here?What did you...

209. Whoo!

210. You tore up my pot field

211. so you could build a football field?

212. Correct.

213. Where's all the weed?

214. I burned it to get God high.

215. I wanted to thank Him for my visions.

216. Let's talk about your vision, Thad.

217. What do you expect to do at this stupid field of yours?

218. Exactly, dude. We're gonna play for the national title.

219. Bullshit.

220. Don't tell me you wouldn't kill

221. to have a shot at those assholes, Moran.

222. They've been spouting off for weeks now

223. about how they wish that they played the real BMS.

224. They said, "Anytime, anywhere."

225. Blackwell is not gonna want to play

226. your stupid game that doesn't even matter.

227. It does matter.

228. And they are gonna show.

229. The wheels are already in motion.

230. Girls, cheerleaders, we've got a mission!

231. I'm gonna need your scooters!

232. Seriously? This is what you guys do when I'm not around?

233. Let's go! To Blackwell! Whoo!

234. Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

235. Let's go!

236. Whoo!

237. Who wants to start the ruckus?

238. Who wants to start the ruckus?

239. Who wants to start the ruckus?

240. Yeah!

241. Hello!

242. My name is Sammy Cacciatore.

243. I come bearing a message

244. from Thad Castle.

245. "Dear Blackwell,

246. "you idiot douchebags have been talking a lot of trash.

247. "I'm offering you a chance to back it up.

248. "Tomorrow morning,

249. "sunup, on a neutral field.

250. "No media. No hype.

251. "Just two teams battling

252. "to decide once and for all who the real champion is."

253. You can't be serious.I'm not done yet.

254. "On that field we will destroy your asses

255. "like they've never been destroyed before.

256. "Stalin, Alex Moran will make you look even dumber than you already do

257. "in that piece of shit, outdated mullet.

258. "Wilson, I will personally sack you

259. "more times than the Hell's Angels have sacked your mom.

260. "You're all a bunch of gutless pussies. The BMS Goats."

261. Did you

262. just call me

263. a pussy?

264. I did. I did, yeah.

265. Oh, Thad Castle wanted me to tell you one more thing, so...

266. Oh! Damn it.

267. Wow, you look really mad now.

268. You're a big dude. Whoa!

269. Oh, my God.

270. Look at this. Holy shit.

271. I built it all by myself. Can you believe it, Coach?

272. Wow.

273. It really is pretty good, isn't it, Coach?

274. You mean Blackwell's gonna come here?

275. Oh, they're not coming.

276. He's just setting us up for another letdown.

277. Let's just go back to the Goat House and drink.

278. Yeah! Whoo! It worked!

279. It's happening! Whoo!

280. Sammy?

281. Yeah! Whoo!

282. Oh, my God. Yes! Whoo! Yeah!

283. What the hell happened to your face?

284. Blackwell did this to me, man.

285. They jumped me and the cheerleaders for no reason.

286. I didn't do anything.

287. That little shit mascot wasn't kidding, was he?

288. Daniels.

289. Are we really gonna do this?

290. That trophy means nothing to me

291. unless we beat you for it.

292. Oh, screw this. I'm out of here.

293. Moran, where are you going?

294. Home. I'm done with this shit.

295. The beer hasn't tasted as good these last few days, has it?

296. How did you know that?

297. You've had the taste of winning.

298. Now there's no going back.

299. Once you try,

300. beer loses taste,

301. sex loses its squishiness,

302. pot loses its highness

303. until you win again.

304. BMS is considered the home team.

305. Blackwell calls it in the air.

306. Heads.

307. It's tails.

308. Yes, we'll... Take the ball.

309. Yes, Moran.

310. You're gonna regret that decision, Moran.

311. Okay, I don't know how we got here,

312. but we're here.

313. Now all the anger and aggression

314. that you've felt the last few weeks

315. at those trash talkers,

316. at the NCAA,

317. now is the time to let it all out.

318. That's right, that's right.

319. Let's show 'em what real champions looks like.

320. Yeah!

321. Let's go kick the shit out of those guys

322. on this awesome field that I built all by myself with no help.

323. Bring it in. On three! Yes.

324. One, two, three. Go Goats!