Blark and Son 2x8

Directed by

Justin Roiland as Junior (voice) • Donald Faison as Fletch (voice) • Jim Rash as Stacey (voice) • Jonathan Sanders as Chimpy (voice) • Adam Aseraf as Zeke (voice)

Son must prove his manliness when Chimpy returns and kidnaps Blark.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - I wasn't even talking about waffles.

2. You always change the subject when you're confronted.

3. - All the square cups in a waffle

4. hold the pools of syrup way better than pancakes.

5. - Dammit Blark, reel yourself in

6. and have a human conversation with me.

7. I am your son and I deserve that respect.

8. Now did you or did you not replace my clothes

9. with smaller sizes to make me feel like

10. I was growing into a man?

11. - The syrup just slides off the pancake.

12. - That's it, I have had enough!

13. You know what, you were right, I'm not a man, dad.

14. I don't have the muscles, I don't have the grit,

15. the brawn the stubble, none of it!

16. Sorry I am not the son you wanted,

17. but as far as I'm concerned,

18. I am not even your son anymore.

19. I am just a nerdy roommate in a lonely old man's house.

20. Now get out of my room!

21. - I love you?

22. - Well I hate you! (grunts)

23. - Dang bro', do you really hate him?

24. - I mean right now, yeah.

25. All this wish my son was a man crap is just getting to me.

26. I wish he would just accept me for who I am, you know?

27. - Fathers can be tough, man.

28. I have 12. (electricity zaps)

29. - (grumbles) Hey thanks, dad.

30. Nice way to get back at my good side, ya ass hat.

31. - What the?

32. How did you. (yells) (thumps)

33. - Dad?

34. You okay? (slow, suspenseful music)

35. Hey dad, there's a girl in my room I want you to meet!

36. Dad?

37. Chimpy took my dad?

38. - Oh yeah, well I hate you! (echoing)

39. - Chimpy took my dad.

40. - Scared little boy, I eat your head now.

41. Oh fuck. (whimpers)

42. Huh?

43. Fletch, what the hell, man?

44. Do you know what's happening?

45. Chimpy, I think he took my dad.

46. - Shh, quiet son.

47. This ain't no time to whine.

48. A chimpanzee has heisted your father

49. and my best friend straight from his own bed.

50. This ain't no kid game, son.

51. If you're gonna go in there,

52. ain't no choice about it, you gotta be a man.

53. - Can we just drop this stupid man thing already?

54. - Now listen up, 30 yards southeast,

55. you're gonna see a cold-hearted knuckle dragging man-beast

56. that eats little dough boys like you for supper.

57. Uses them bones for toothpicks,

58. blends your teeth as laxative before squatting

59. his muscly ass down and (beeps) you out

60. in this God forsaken jungle!

61. - Fletch! - Hm?

62. - I am not getting monkey pooped into a dirt hole.

63. I am finding my dad.

64. Now are you gonna help me or not?

65. - When you're about 10 feet from your scorn ship brother,

66. stomp your right foot twice

67. and I'll come flying from the brush

68. like a goddam cannonball to monkey doom!

69. - Fly from the brush?

70. Don't you have a (beeps) gun or something?

71. - Shush, child.

72. I will help you.

73. Just remember, you

74. are

75. not

76. alone.

77. - Wait wait wait wait, please don't leave me! (shudders)

78. - Jimminy cricket! - Stacey!

79. What the hell?

80. - Son, oh please, please help me. (whimpering)

81. A monkey came, he came into my house

82. and he took Junior and I hostage

83. and he dressed me like his girlfriend

84. and your dad, your dad is there too, oh God.

85. Oh God, son, sweet Jesus, I got out,

86. I got out, I just escaped.

87. Quick, how do I get out of here?

88. - Back yard is that way.

89. What about Junior and my dad?

90. - Listen, son?

91. There comes a time in a man's life

92. where he has to choose, his family or himself and I know,

93. I know this looks like I'm choosing myself right now,

94. but I'm actually gonna go get help for my family.

95. So, maybe you should just be a man with me

96. and run, run away!

97. - Stupid boy, comes to jungle to die. (laughing)

98. - He came to save me.

99. I know this is counter-productive,

100. but I kind of feel like I can die happy now.

101. - (grunts) Die.

102. - Listen, Chimpy, you have had your fun, now let them go.

103. I am the one you want.

104. - (laughs) You think I stoop, (sniffing)

105. - Mother (beeps) got me good!

106. This wound ain't fatal,

107. but I am definitely going to urgent care.

108. I'm sorry, son, but I cannot help you.

109. You are alone. (grunting)

110. Man, that shit hurts.

111. How the (beeps) they got a jungle in their backyard?

112. (grunts) Don't even make geographical sense!

113. - (laughs) Your plan ruined.

114. Now, you fight me like a man.

115. - Son, I love you, but you can't win.

116. Leave me.

117. I'll become one with the soil.

118. Plant some grass in my name.

119. - (laughs) Take your best shot, boy.

120. - I am sorry for everything you have been through, Chimpy.

121. Being abandoned as a teenager,

122. then fending for yourself until you finally

123. got to come home, only to be a pawn

124. in one of my dad's stupid lessons,

125. that's not fair,

126. but if you ever need a brother to talk to,

127. I am here.

128. - (grunts) A real man.

129. - All this time, Chimpy just wanted love.

130. - Die you stupid, fucking monkey!

131. - Holy (beeps)

132. - Nobody takes my son away.

133. - (grunts) A real dad!

134. - No!

135. Chimpy, my son,

136. I'm sorry.

137. - (grunts) No,

138. I sorry, papa.

139. I no good son.

140. He good son.

141. No, good man.

142. - All right, Junior, you're safe now.

143. Daddy broke federal law by murdering an endangered species.

144. Let's go home.

145. - Oh, I love you, dad.

146. - Aw.

147. - Thanks for coming to rescue your old man roommate, son.

148. - Dad, come on, you know I didn't mean that stuff,

149. I was just upset.

150. - No, you're right,

151. I take things too far, all the time

152. and whenever conversations get too real for me,

153. waffles with syrup are delicious.

154. - (chuckles) You know, after everything,

155. I still don't know what the hell being a man really means.

156. - Son, you shoulda asked.

157. Being a man means burying your emotions

158. to look as tough as possible

159. and lifting very big stuff,

160. preferably in front of other, weaker men.

161. - Mm, I think it has more to do with being empathetic

162. and like, responsible,

163. not as a man, but like a person in the world.

164. - Wow, son, you have an incredibly bright future

165. in standup comedy. (drum sting)

166. - Right.

167. Well if you'll excuse me,

168. I have got a lifetime of therapy to look forward to

169. after seeing Stacey murder Chimpy right in front of me.

170. (monkey screams) - Oh I'm relieved

171. you're working through the trauma.

172. I was afraid you'd be shocked

173. when you saw how my on-the-fly black market taxidermy guy

174. immortalized your brother.

175. I love you, son!