1. - I am back!
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2. - My dad called this dumb
creature his first son,
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3. AKA Chimpy and when Chimpy was
here,
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4. I felt like a baby, a powerless
worm boy,
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5. drained of my sunny strength,
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6. but as the flame burns this
photo, it fills me with power.
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7. - Ya huh and it looks so fricken
cool!
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8. I can't stand it.
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9. Burning stuff rules.
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10. - My life is only about two
things now,
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11. chillin' with my spastic
girlfriend.
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12. - And feeding the flame.
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13. - Mm, dad?
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14. - Not now, Junior!
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15. You're father's got a
sweet, blue fin on the line,
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16. that new book tuna.
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17. - Can Junior help?
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18. - Yeah, by scootin' your
little bowl-cut overboard
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19. and letting me reel in
the catch of a lifetime.
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20. - Mm, but dad?
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21. - No buts!
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22. Dad's busy and fresh out
of dumb fishing metaphors.
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23. Here, go chew gum with
Son and leave me alone.
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24. - Junior, my young ember.
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25. - Oh.
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26. - Welcome to
the Cult of Eternal Flame.
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27. - Son?
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28. - Not now, dad.
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29. - Hey son.
- Get out!
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30. - I love you, son!
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31. - Are you sure this is okay?
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32. - Ssh brethren,
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33. I don't want nark Blark
snuffing out our place, craze.
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34. We must keep our voices to a
simmer.
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35. Oh, my puns are on fire.
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36. I did it again.
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37. - Fuel for the eternal
flame, my fire lord.
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38. Imagine the epic meltage.
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39. - Incandescence, my priestess.
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40. Your inner flame is blinding.
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41. - What's this all about, Blark?
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42. You know I don't like being in
your room.
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43. I find you gross.
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44. - Shh.
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45. No one can know what's
going on in here, Fletch.
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46. This meeting is strictly between
you, me
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47. and this pair of 1916
Army issued, cold rolled,
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48. steel soled, great war combat
boots.
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49. - Oh my God, the stories
are true.
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50. How'd you do it, Blark?
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51. - Remember that 18 carat gold
bar we found
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52. in that bunker in Beirut?
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53. I tossed it through a pawn shop
window
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54. and stole these boots.
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55. - Get back here!
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56. - The way I see it,
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57. I can keep these babies in mint
condition
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58. until they appreciate into a
proper college fund for Son.
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59. Or—
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60. - We spend the rest of
the day kicking shit.
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61. - An evil punch card
to Chubby's Food House,
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62. the very place that holds
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63. the greasy cure to mother's
hangovers.
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64. A little girl
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65. should never have to scooter
through a drive-through!
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66. I release you to the flame.
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67. - Burn that
which brings you pain,
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68. fuel the light of eternal flame.
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69. - What burdens you, young ember?
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70. Release your troubles into the
fire.
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71. - The eternal flame takes
the bad and burns it good.
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72. - I should go.
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73. - Spin kick!
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74. - Yeah!
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75. Woo, I haven't stomped like that
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76. since I was a tester at
Mozzelstomp,
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77. a factory that made wine
glasses for Jewish weddings.
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78. - Hey!
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79. - We have to kick quietly.
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80. Don't want Son to know we piped
his dumb toys for boot gas.
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81. Now, use that foxy leg canon
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82. to silently destroy this glass
palace.
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83. - Yeah, packing up the old
outline now
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84. and I'll be at the agency
in 20 minutes to pitch you.
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85. - Stacey, do not
me again.
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86. - Miles, Miles, this is my
magnum opus.
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87. Fitzgerald wrote "Gatsby",
Tolkien wrote "Rings"
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88. and I am writing "The Joy
of Being a Patient Parent."
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89. - Um dad?
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90. - Junior, no!
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91. No!
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92. Yeah, ya heard right,
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93. it's a parenting book,
yeah, about patience.
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94. - Eternal flame accepts all.
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95. Cast your burden into its
righteous maul.
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96. - Tell us, young ember,
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97. what troubles do you cast into
the flame?
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98. - A paradox of bad
parenting.
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99. If Stacey writes this book, it
will fail.
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100. Misery will follow.
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101. If I destroy it now, a lesser
misery will follow,
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102. leaving just enough time
for me to be tended to,
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103. thus, I poison the
well from which I drink,
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104. with willful guilt and frightful
shame,
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105. I cast you into the righteous
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106. righteous
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107. I cast you into the righteous
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108. - You okay, dude?
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109. - Flame!
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110. - It's game time, Stace,
time to make mama proud.
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111. - Don't chew gum, son.
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112. - Junior.
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113. - Burn that which brings
you pain.
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114. Fuel the light of eternal flame.
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115. Burn that which brings you pain.
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116. Fuel the light of eternal flame.
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117. Burn that which brings you pain.
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118. Fuel the light of eternal flame.
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119. - Junior!
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120. Oh thank goodness.
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121. Give
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122. me
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123. the envelop.
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124. - Huh,
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125. I love you, dad.
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126. - Wait a minute, I know that
smell.
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127. Burning human flesh.
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128. - From the scent,
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129. I'd say it's a white.
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130. - We were playing in the garage
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131. and Stacey lit himself on fire!
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132. - You thinking what I'm
thinking?
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133. - Hard to say, does it
rhyme with strom stracy?
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134. - Son, normally I'd be
super P.O.'ed to find out
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135. you were burning stuff in the
garage,
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136. but I suppose I got a little
destructive
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137. with my own urges today.
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138. Tell you what, let's call it
even Steven
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139. and never talk of this again.
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140. - You got it, dad.
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141. Hey, have you seen my
collectible action figures?
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142. - We agreed to never talk of
this again.
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143. Now, if you'll excuse me,
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144. I need to invoice Stacey
for ruining my boots
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145. with his burny skin.
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146. - Hey Stacy,
your buddy Miles here.
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147. You know, just waiting
outside of the agency.
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148. Coffee's finished, biscuit has
been eaten,
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149. been 25 minutes since you
would be here 15 minutes ago!
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150. What the do you
think this is, Stacey?
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151. I gave you a chance,
you little worm.
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152. If you (voice trails off behind
music)
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153. - I'm back.
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