1. - I bet your just some
little boy
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2. stinking up his mom's basement.
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3. - Well, this boy is a man
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4. who was at your mom's place last
night.
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5. Came through the side door
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6. and let me tell ya, her basement
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7. tasted great.
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8. Boo yah!
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9. - Oh, damn it.
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10. - Victory!
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11. - Game set and match.
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12. You catch that verbal curbstomp,
Zeke?
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13. - You mean, did I catch
you getting
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14. into that guys head by telling
him
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15. you tasted his mother dookie
shoot?
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16. Yes, sir.
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17. How do you do it, Son?
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18. - Well, I hate to say it
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19. but it all started when
my dad barged into my room
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20. and changed my life with
five incredible words.
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21. - Son, you're a man.
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22. Now!
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23. - That's right, Zeke, I'm a man
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24. and you know how men beat little
boys
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25. at online video games?- Tell me please.
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26. - First they avoid saying
anything racist,
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27. homophobic, sexist, or
disparaging
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28. of the less fortunate.
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29. - It's a woke world.
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30. - Then they say they
had sex with their mom.- Son!
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31. Pack your bass guitar
and your board shorts,
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32. we're jogging to Cancun.
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33. Your papi chulo scored VIP
tickets to the Aztec jamboree.
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34. Winner gets to sacrifice
the losing bands bass player
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35. on top an ancient ruin.
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36. I've always wanted to do that.
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37. Again.
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38. - Watch the master at work.
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39. No can do, daddy-o.
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40. I'm tits deep helping
my boy Urinold level up.
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41. - Who's Urinold, a computer guy?
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42. - Nope, he's you.
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43. 'Cause you're an old geezer
who can lick my boys.
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44. Got him.
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45. - Lick your Sons
actual balls, Blark.
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46. - Whoa, ever since I called you
a man
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47. you've been a real ass H to your
pappy.
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48. I might just have to dump you in
the wild
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49. like I did to my first son
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50. when he started acting out.
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51. Luckily he was a chimpanzee,
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52. so abandoning him was a lot less
illegal.
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53. - Really, Dad, a chimp baby?
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54. - Don't believe me, eh?
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55. Chimpy!
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56. - Hey, Son.
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57. Taking wild guess here,
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58. but sounds like you just found
out you have chimp brother
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59. your dad summoned with clay
flute
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60. who may or may not challenge the
notion
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61. that you're a man.
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62. - Who's a strong strong monkey?
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63. - So, I'll let you deal
with that.
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64. - Thanks, Zeke.
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65. - Son.
- Not now, Dad.
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66. - Hey, Son.
- Get out!
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67. - I love you, Son.
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68. Chimpy, you're the best.
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69. - Dad!
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70. As much fun as it's been
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71. watching Chimpy shower the
house with primate piss,
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72. I think it's time to rent
a monkey to the dick circus
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73. so you and I can log some
serious grown ass man time.
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74. - Way ahead of you, son.
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75. We're whittling dope stuff
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76. out of spare chunks of wood
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77. from our homes structural beams.
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78. - What the hell is that?
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79. - Your big brother paid his rent
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80. by long arming us an albatross.
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81. Hope you like bird bacon.
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82. I'm just happy one of my sons
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83. is man enough to put food on the
table.
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84. - Do you want some of my gummy
worm?
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85. - Chimpy, what a beautiful
minature desk you've carved.
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86. - That desk looks like
Chimpy holding a giant spike
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87. that's killing me.
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88. - It's a miniature, mid century
roll top work station, Son.
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89. - Uh, Dad, that is a red flag.
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90. Chimpy might be dangerous.
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91. - Chimpy is family.
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92. Just because one drop of his
blood
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93. contains more man mojo
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94. than you're entire
custard filled dough body
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95. does not mean you can be a
meanie to him.
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96. Plus, now that he's back,
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97. I can finally have that
Gilmore Girls relationship
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98. with my child.
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99. Oh, Chimpy.
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100. You're such a Rory.
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101. - Fine, I will be in my room
until I legally emancipate.
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102. Chimpy, I trust I will
never see you again.
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103. - Well looky here.
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104. My two cherub babies
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105. snoozing in the warm nest of
love.
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106. Chimpy, wining you from
that Kansas City zookeeper
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107. in a game of freeze tag
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108. was the best thing that
ever happened to me.
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109. I love you, Chimpy.
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110. You're cool, too, um.
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111. Shane?
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112. - Stupid Dad making me life
with this stupid monkey.
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113. - Me no monkey.
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114. - What the hell.
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115. You can talk?
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116. - Me can do much more than talk,
boy.
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117. Me Blark first son.
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118. Me man.
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119. You baby boy.
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120. Weak, tiny.
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121. - You're evil.
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122. Dad!
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123. - You tell Blark, you die.
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124. Scared, little boy?
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125. You no win this game.
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126. I in your head now.
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127. - So, what are you guys doing?
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128. - Chimpy and I are gonna go up
on the roof
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129. and jump around.
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130. - Cool?
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131. Before you go, could you get
me a soda from the garage?
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132. It's dark in there and because
I'm little,
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133. it's scary.
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134. - Anything for my soft boiled
boy.
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135. - Hey, monkey man.
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136. I'm leaving.
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137. My dad is yours.
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138. - Smart move from child baby.
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139. - Yeah, I'm thinking of
moving to Kansas City.
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140. - Kansas?
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141. - Yeah.
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142. Got a sexy little simian
waiting for me at the zoo there.
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143. - Simian?
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144. - Yeah, like monkey.
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145. You might know her actually.
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146. This super old female
with a white patch of fur
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147. right above her hot chimp ass.
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148. - Mama?
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149. - Oh, is that your mom?
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150. I didn't catch her name
last time I was there.
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151. Hard to hear her while she
was gagging on my banana.
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152. - Ba-banana?
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153. Banana look like penis?
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154. Banana mean Son penis?
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155. - Uh huh.
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156. - Banana mean penis!
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157. - Dad, help!
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158. I told you this ape was
crazy.
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159. Where are you?
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160. - This no desk.
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161. - No, Sherlock.
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162. - You can thank your brother
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163. for catching a knock out dinner.
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164. - You gotta be kidding
me.
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165. Can't believe this whole thing
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166. was one of your stupid lessons.
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167. - Son, what better way
to prove your manliness
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168. than to force you to
best your simian sibling
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169. in a deadly game of wits?
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170. - So I'm still a man, right?
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171. - He did beat you.
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172. So, hell no.
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173. And to keep your delicate
balloon body
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174. from being popped into guts,
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175. we're releasing my precious
Chimpy
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176. back into the wild.
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177. Now, watch as he slowly
lumbers past the tree line,
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178. turns around, and gives his
poppy a coy,
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179. bittersweet look that says,
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180. I love you, father and I
forgive—
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181. - Revenge!
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182. - Papa loves you, too.
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183. - He's gonna kill us all, isn't
he?
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184. - Oh, bird bacon's ready.
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185. Let's nosh.
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186. Come on, Shane.
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