Blark and Son 1x3

Directed by

Justin Roiland as Junior (voice) • Jim Rash as Stacey (voice)

A handsome new neighbor moves in next to Blark and Son, and Blark is desperate to impress him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Holy jabroni, do you smell that?

2. - All I smell is old man cologne and beef jerky.

3. - Wrong!

4. My cologne is beef jerky.

5. What I smell is the sour stench of our neighborhood

6. being maimed and desecrated by (inhales)

7. new neighbors.

8. - (sniffs) There's two of them.

9. Both male, (sniff) and one's at the door.

10. Time to show these neighborhood ruining mavericks

11. whose hood this is.

12. Blark's hood, that's who!

13. I'm coming, I'm coming, sheesh, hold your

14. hot cacka!

15. You are gorgeous!

16. - (chuckles) Oh, well, thank you.

17. - No, thank you for letting me

18. look at your wonderful human face.

19. I'm Blark, and with such striking masculine features,

20. I bet your name is Magnus, Rock, or Dean.

21. (camera clicks) - Ow.

22. That's weird.

23. Hi, Blark.

24. My name's actually Stacey, your new neighbor.

25. - Stacey?

26. (scoffs) That's a girls' name, which is hilarious.

27. Watch out, folks, he's handsome and funny.

28. - No, it really is Stacey, Stacey B. Swanson,

29. father, friend, doctor of psychology, and self help author.

30. Uh oh, what's this over here?

31. - Wow, a real life book!

32. This is the greatest gift I've ever received.

33. - Well, it's not a gift, per se,

34. it typically retails for 49.95.

35. - How can I ever repay you?

36. - It typically retails for 49.95.

37. - Hmm, how about dinner?

38. - Oh, oh, um...

39. - Come on, you gotta feed that

40. handsome Dean face of yours, Dean.

41. We have an age-old saying in this house, "Need eat?

42. "Try food."

43. Holy jabroni part two!

44. The opportunity of a lifetime

45. just knocked on our front door.

46. - Oh, are you talking about the

47. neighborhood ruining maverick

48. you went to show whose hood it was?

49. - He needs to be our friend.

50. - I already have friends, like Zeke.

51. - This new neighbor really sounds

52. like he's lifting your spirits, Blark.

53. Just like these few precious moments

54. I have hanging with Son lift my-

55. - No, I was in the middle of a campaign!

56. - Listen to the life truth your poppy's bestowing on you

57. and shut your word circle!

58. Look at us, you see my face?

59. It looks like a de-boned turkey

60. that was used as a hacky sack.

61. And you, you look like a jack-o'-lantern

62. left out till January!

63. - Dad, you're overreacting?

64. - Overreacting?

65. Our ancestors didn't become models or politicians.

66. We were chased out of towns by villagers

67. with torches and pitchforks.

68. So, when a diamond tiger named Dean

69. power squats by our swamp,

70. fleas like us need to leap from our scab patties

71. and ride that tiger ass to freedom!

72. - You've known him for literally five seconds!

73. - Even diarrhea can be something, Son,

74. if it's stepped on by the shoe of a great man.

75. - Why can't we be the great man?

76. Or even the shoe?

77. - Because we're the closing act of a 1920's freak show!

78. Listen, I'm doing this for us!

79. You'll thank me one day when I get to be

80. Dean's plus one at a yacht party.

81. I'll come home late at night, still slightly buzzed,

82. holding a bag of rich people party favors.

83. And I'll come in here, gently stir you

84. from your slumber, and tell you all about it.

85. - I can't wait.

86. - Listen to me, mister!

87. You better be on your best behavior tonight at dinner,

88. because a demigod named Dean is stepping down

89. from Mount Olympus to dine in our leaky shack!

90. Dean, it's our pleasure to host you.

91. You didn't tell me you were bringing

92. a little reptile child to dinner.

93. - Junior and I get along so well,

94. we pretty much do everything together.

95. - Everything together. (laughs)

96. - Oh, stupendous, just stupendous!

97. - Oh, that is rich, Dean!

98. Sounds just like you and I!

99. Right, Son?

100. - Absolutely, father; just like us.

101. - Oh, yeah?

102. What bonding activities do you and Son engage in?

103. - Um, magnets.

104. - (laughs) Very funny, Papa!

105. What I think Stacey means is

106. what bonding activities do we partake in?

107. Which I'm more than happy to share.

108. Sometimes, when I'm playing in the super important campaign

109. with my best friend, Zeke...

110. - Oh no.

111. - My dad comes into my room, without knocking, mind you,

112. guess that's part of the bonding,

113. and yanks the computer chord straight from the wall!

114. Then, he tells me I'm an ugly diarrhea troll

115. who's gotta be on his best behavior

116. to get into your hot guy yacht party!

117. - He's paraphrasing.

118. More gravy, Dean?

119. - Blark, there's an interesting dynamic happening here.

120. You and Son seem to be wearing masks.

121. - These are our actual faces!

122. - I'm sensing aggression, from both parties here.

123. Blark, when you enter Son's room

124. and demand he be somebody he's not,

125. that forces him to cross predetermined boundaries.

126. - Oh, another picture.

127. And Son, it's clear the violation

128. of those parameters is affecting your behavior.

129. And to be frank...

130. - Frank?

131. Dear God, I've been calling you Dean this whole time!

132. - Son, you'd been taught that

133. bad behavior is tolerable, which it isn't.

134. And I feel it's my duty, as a professional,

135. to let you know that you're being very rude.

136. - Hey!

137. You listen here, Stacey P. Swanson.

138. I know full well that Son and I

139. look like something you'd pull out of a hospital fire, okay?

140. Not to mention you won't stop saying

141. we're nothing but chimps living in a rescue home.

142. - I didn't say anything close...

143. - But if you ever, ever call my son anything but perfect,

144. I will squeeze the gorgeous breath

145. out of your handsome lungs, you dig?

146. Food's over.

147. - I think it's best we leave, Junior.

148. - Best we leave!

149. - Hey, Dad?

150. - I'm gonna miss that beautiful man.

151. - He literally lives next door.

152. - I know, I know, it's just like,

153. even when you know it's not meant to be, breakups are hard.

154. - Thanks for sticking up for me.

155. - Of course, Son, I love you.

156. - And I'm sorry I acted out,

157. but that Stacey guy is such a prick!

158. - If you go on spouting bad words about that beautiful man,

159. I'll literally eat your computer.

160. - Right.

161. - (sighs) The one that got away.

162. (burp) - Shweet.