Blark and Son 1x10

Directed by

Donald Faison as Fletch (voice)

When Son tells a lie, Blark goes overboard in teaching him a lesson.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - Wakey wakey, little pear-shaped vampire.

2. - Fletch, it's eight AM on a Saturday.

3. - Negative; it's six AM on a Saturday.

4. Your daddy's gone for the day,

5. so I decided we're gonna do a little solid for him

6. and clean the house.

7. - Why don't you do me a solid and lick my buzz?

8. Got 'em.

9. - Aren't you just a little ray of pasty sunshine?

10. I'll let you be.

11. - What the?

12. - You will be brushed, showered, and ready to clean

13. in five minutes, you snarky little pot sticker!

14. Chow hall, 0600 hours, do not be late, soldier!

15. - Alright, Fletcher Jerky.

16. Got 'em.

17. I did all the dumb chores I am allowed to do.

18. - What do you mean, "allowed to do?"

19. - Oh, I'd be happy to clue you in.

20. My dad has never, not ever, let me touch his limited-edition

21. stainless steel Ginzo knives.

22. They're top-of-the-line culinary blades that,

23. according to their advertisement,

24. are sharper than a lightsaber.

25. - Lightsabers aren't sharp.

26. They're just very, very burn-y.

27. - The point is, my dad has told me a million times

28. he doesn't want me anywhere near his Ginzo knives,

29. therefore I am incapacitated, AKA not allowed

30. to clean those - ass knives.

31. - Well, well, well.

32. Looks like little latrine boy got a little potty mouth, huh?

33. Well, if you old enough to cuss like that,

34. then I assure you, you old enough to clean a blade.

35. Clean.

36. The.

37. Blade.

38. Clean the blade!

39. - Blowie wowie!

40. It's so clean in here!

41. - Thank your son; it was his idea to clean the house.

42. I just jumped on board.

43. - Oww!

44. My hand!

45. - My seed has been slashed?

46. What happened, Son?

47. - Papa, I cut my hand on your Ginzo knife!

48. - You know it's sharper than a lightsaber!

49. - I know, daddy!

50. I told Fletch that, but he forced me to clean it!

51. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

52. You just cut your hand and already

53. have it wrapped in a bandage?

54. That seems really fast!

55. Where's the blood on the knife?

56. Or the counter?

57. I smell a fish sandwich.

58. - OK, OK,

59. let's not jump to conclusions, Fletch.

60. I think we all know what's going on here.

61. Now give me a second to talk to my son.

62. - Copy that.

63. - Now Son, before we go any further, I just wanna be sure.

64. You really cut your hand with my Ginzo knife?

65. - Mm-hmm, and it's all Fletch's fault.

66. - Alright, I hear you, I'm with you.

67. And I just wanna give you an opportunity

68. before this goes any further.

69. You're telling me the truth right now, right, son?

70. - Mm-hmm, total truth.

71. - Well, then it's set in stone.

72. - You're gonna tell Fletch to never

73. make me do another chore ever again?

74. - Close.

75. We are gonna kill Fletcher Murphy.

76. - Oh, you're serious.

77. - We'll do it tonight.

78. How's midnight sound, son?

79. - Sure, my schedule's open.

80. - We'll use the sink gun and kill him where he sleeps.

81. I lined the floor air-tight with plastic.

82. Guilty people bleed more blood than innocent people

83. and he's guilty, right?

84. - Mm-hmm, right.

85. Super guilty.

86. - Then we'll plant incriminating evidence:

87. a DNA-riddled strand of Stacey Jr.'s hair.

88. - Guilty!

89. - At least he's a minor, right?

90. Got 'em?

91. - We'll approach the closet with great caution

92. and then we'll snuff out the life

93. of Fletcher Murphy Soap.

94. Time to die, best friend.

95. How dare you put my son in danger?

96. You know he's my everything!

97. - That boy is lying!

98. - Get down on your knees.

99. - If you're gonna do it, do it.

100. But if you got any decency, you'll allow me my last words.

101. - Speak, for this will be the last time you do,

102. you hand-cutting ex-best friend.

103. - I've been through a lot in this world.

104. Lost my love, family, brothers-in-arms,

105. and a variety of Pomeranians I raised

106. like they was my own children.

107. I'm comin' for you, Barkley!

108. But through all that, I kept my compass straight.

109. So, Blark, if I really put Son in danger,

110. then by all means, drain the life from my very vessel.

111. Paint this closet with the gray milk of my brain, but

112. if there is the slightest chance that Son is lying

113. and my vicious assassination is but a humorous mistake,

114. then I will only die one death tonight.

115. But Son,

116. Son,

117. Son will die a thousand deaths at the noble, righteous,

118. and relentless hands of guilt.

119. Every

120. single

121. day,

122. - Boring!

123. Cute speech, Fletch, but your time is up.

124. My son and I are gonna kill you right now.

125. Count down with me, son.

126. Three.

127. Two.

128. Last chance to come clean that this is a lie, one.

129. - OK, OK, it was a lie; I was lying.

130. I didn't cut my hand.

131. I was so fed up with all the chores Fletch was making me do

132. I pretended to cut my hand with the Ginzo knife.

133. I'm so sorry I lied to you, Dad.

134. I'm so sorry I almost got you murdered, Fletch.

135. Oh, God, I'm a bad person.

136. I'm so sorry!

137. - Oh, man, we really taught Son a lesson this time.

138. And, wow, what a performance, Fletch.

139. - What do you mean, "performance?"

140. - When I had the gun to your head!

141. Just sublime.

142. I mean, the pissing-your-pants thing was

143. a little "hey, look at me," but

144. everything else was top-notch.

145. We were teaching Son a lesson about lying.

146. And you were in on it.

147. Wait, you mean earlier in the kitchen,

148. you didn't clock my nod?

149. - Nah, man, I didn't clock your nod.

150. I didn't clock your nod.

151. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

152. Fletch, wait a minute.

153. Come on.

154. I'm a cool guy; this was cool.

155. It was a good nod.

156. It's not like the gun was loaded.

157. Hot curly, it was!