1. Ooh la la!Copy !req
2. - Good morning, Mrs Miggins.
- Bonjour, monsieur.Copy !req
3. - What?
- Bonjour, monsieur— it's French.Copy !req
4. So is eating frogs,Copy !req
5. cruelty to geese
and urinating in the street,Copy !req
6. but don't inflict
it on the rest of us.Copy !req
7. But French is all the fashion!Copy !req
8. My coffee shop is
full of Frenchies,Copy !req
9. and it's all because of that
wonderful Scarlet Pimpernel.Copy !req
10. The Scarlet Pimpernel
is not wonderful.Copy !req
11. No reason to admire someone
for filling LondonCopy !req
12. with a load of
garlic-chewing French toffsCopy !req
13. crying "Ooh la la!" and looking
for sympathy all the timeCopy !req
14. just because their fathers
had their heads cut off.Copy !req
15. A cup of coffee and some
shepherd's pie, please.Copy !req
16. We don't serve pies any more!Copy !req
17. My French clientele
consider pies uncouth.Copy !req
18. I hardly think that a
nation that eats snails,Copy !req
19. and would go to bed with the
kitchen sink if it put on a tutu,Copy !req
20. is in any position
to preach couthness.Copy !req
21. - So what's on the menu?
- Today's hot choice is;Copy !req
22. Chicken Pimpernel
in a Scarlet Sauce,Copy !req
23. Scarlet Chicken in
a Pimpernel Sauce,Copy !req
24. or Huge Suspicious-Looking
SausagesCopy !req
25. in a Scarlet Pimpernel Sauce.Copy !req
26. What exactly is Scarlet
Pimpernel sauce?Copy !req
27. You take a large ripe frog,
squeeze it...Copy !req
28. Yes, all right.
I'm off to the pub.Copy !req
29. - Ah, bonjour, monsieur!
- Sod off.Copy !req
30. Oh, sir! Poor little Mildred the cat!
What's he ever done to you?Copy !req
31. It is the way of the world, Baldrick,
the abused always kick downwards.Copy !req
32. I am annoyed, and so I
kick the cat, the cat...Copy !req
33. pounces on the
mouse, and, finally, the mouse...Copy !req
34. - Agh!
- ... bites you on the behind.Copy !req
35. Well, what do I do?Copy !req
36. Nothing. You are last
in God's great chain.Copy !req
37. Unless, of course,
there's an earwig around hereCopy !req
38. that you'd like to victimise.Copy !req
39. Baldrick, what's
happened to your nose?Copy !req
40. - Nice, innit?
- No, it isn't. It's revolting.Copy !req
41. I'll take it off, then.Copy !req
42. Baldrick, why are you
wearing a false boil?Copy !req
43. What are we to expect next?
A beauty wart? A cosmetic verruca?Copy !req
44. It's a Scarlet Pimple, sir.Copy !req
45. Really?Copy !req
46. Yeah, they're all the
rage down our way.Copy !req
47. Everyone wants to express
their admirationCopy !req
48. for the great Pimple and his
brilliant disguises.Copy !req
49. What has this fellow done,Copy !req
50. apart from pop over to France
to grab a few French nobsCopy !req
51. from the ineffectual clutches of some
malnourished whingeing lefties,Copy !req
52. taking the opportunity
while there, no doubt,Copy !req
53. to pick up some really
good cheap wineCopy !req
54. and some of their marvellous
open fruit flans?Copy !req
55. We hate the French!
We fight wars against them!Copy !req
56. Did all those men die in vain
on the field at Agincourt?Copy !req
57. Was the man who burned Joan of Arc
simply wasting good matches?Copy !req
58. Ah, His Royal Highness the
Pinhead of Wales summons me.Copy !req
59. I feel almost well disposed
towards him this morning—Copy !req
60. at least he's not French.Copy !req
61. Un tosst! Encore un tosst, I say!
Le Pimpernel Scàrlette!Copy !req
62. Le Pimpernel Scàrlette!Copy !req
63. Le Adder Noir! Come à nous in!Copy !req
64. This is the fellow to ask, you chaps,
my butler, terribly clever,Copy !req
65. brighter than a brain pie.Copy !req
66. We're trying to guess
who the Scarlet Pimpernel is,Copy !req
67. so we can send him an enormous postal
order to express our admiration.Copy !req
68. Any ideas?Copy !req
69. I'm sure if you addressed
the envelope toCopy !req
70. "The Biggest Show-Off in
London", it will reach him.Copy !req
71. Tish and pish! Gadzooks! Milarky!
How dare you say such a thing?Copy !req
72. Damn me, sir, if you're not
the worst kind of swine!Copy !req
73. Damn that swine.Copy !req
74. I was merely pointing out
that sneaking aristocrats outCopy !req
75. from under the noses of
French revolutionaries,Copy !req
76. is about as difficult
as putting on a hat.Copy !req
77. Sink me, sir! This is treason!Copy !req
78. The Scarlet Pimpernel is a heroCopy !req
79. and the revolution
is orchestrated by a ruthlessCopy !req
80. band of highly
organised killers,Copy !req
81. - damn them!
- Damn those organised killers.Copy !req
82. George, if I remember rightly,Copy !req
83. we were just discussing
the French Embassy ballCopy !req
84. in honour of the
exiled aristocracy.Copy !req
85. We certainly were.Copy !req
86. Where I intend to wear the most
magnificent pair of trousersCopy !req
87. ever to issue forth
from the delicate handsCopy !req
88. of messrs. Snibcock & Turkey,Copy !req
89. Couturiers to the Very Wealthy
and the Extremely Fat.Copy !req
90. If the Pimpernel does
reveal himself,Copy !req
91. I don't want to get caught out
wearing boring trousers.Copy !req
92. Damn those boring trousers.Copy !req
93. What say we bet your cocksure
domestic a thousand guineasCopy !req
94. he can't go to France,
rescue an aristocrat,Copy !req
95. and present him at the ball?Copy !req
96. That's turned you white,
hasn't it?Copy !req
97. That's frightened you,
you lily-livered,Copy !req
98. caramel-kidneyed,
custard-coloured cad.Copy !req
99. Not so buoyant now, are you, eh?
Eh?Copy !req
100. Eh?Copy !req
101. On the contrary, sir.
I'll just go and pack.Copy !req
102. Perhaps Lord Smedley and
Lord Topper will accompany me.Copy !req
103. I'm sure it will be a fairly
easy trip—Copy !req
104. the odd death defying leap, and a
modest amount of dental torture.Copy !req
105. - Want to come?
- Oh, no! Damn!Copy !req
106. Damn!Copy !req
107. Any day now, I've got an
appointment with my doctor.Copy !req
108. I've got a bit of
a sniffle coming on,Copy !req
109. - I can feel it in my bones.
- Damn bones, damn...Copy !req
110. What about next week?Copy !req
111. Come on, you chaps, get your
diaries out, come on.Copy !req
112. All right. Damn!
I left it behind.Copy !req
113. And, besides, I've just remembered,
my father's just died.Copy !req
114. I've got to be at his
funeral in ten minutes.Copy !req
115. Damn sorry. Goodbye,
Your Highness.Copy !req
116. Oh, damn, I'm the best man.
Damn that dead father, damn.Copy !req
117. - Bye-bye...
- See you at the ball.Copy !req
118. What a shame they
were so busy.Copy !req
119. It would have been lovely
to have had them with us.Copy !req
120. - Us? You're coming, sir?
- Well, certainly.Copy !req
121. And nothing I can say
about the mind-bendingCopy !req
122. horrors of the revolution
could put you off?Copy !req
123. Absolutely not! Now, come on,
Blackadder, let's get packing.Copy !req
124. I want to look my best
for those fabulous French birds.Copy !req
125. The type of women currently
favoured in FranceCopy !req
126. are toothless crones who
just cackle insanely.Copy !req
127. Oh, ignore that,
they're just playing hard to get.Copy !req
128. By removing all their teeth,
going mad and aging forty years?Copy !req
129. That's right, the
little teasers.Copy !req
130. Well, come on, I think a
blend of silks and satins.Copy !req
131. I fear not, sir.Copy !req
132. If we are to stand any chance
of survival in France,Copy !req
133. we shall have to dress as the
smelliest lowlife imaginable.Copy !req
134. What sort of thing?Copy !req
135. Well, sir, let me show
you our Paris Collection.Copy !req
136. Baldrick is wearing
a sheep's bladder jacket,Copy !req
137. with matching dung
ball accessories,Copy !req
138. hair by crazy Meg
of Bedlam Hair.Copy !req
139. Notice how the overpowering aroma
of rotting pilchardsCopy !req
140. has been woven cunningly
into the ensemble.Copy !req
141. When did you last
change your trousers?Copy !req
142. - I have never changed my trousers.
- Thank you.Copy !req
143. The ancient Greeks wrote
of a terrible containerCopy !req
144. in which all the evils of
the world were trapped.Copy !req
145. How prophetic they were.
All they got wrong was the name.Copy !req
146. They called it "Pandora's Box",Copy !req
147. when, of course, they meant
"Baldrick's Trousers".Copy !req
148. It certainly can get a bit whiffy,
there's no doubt about that.Copy !req
149. When the box was opened,
the whole world turned to darknessCopy !req
150. because of Pandora's
fatal curiosity.Copy !req
151. I charge you now, Baldrick,
for the good of all mankind,Copy !req
152. never allow curiosity
to lead you to open your trousers.Copy !req
153. Nothing of interest
lies therein.Copy !req
154. However, Your Highness, it is
trousers exactly like theseCopy !req
155. that you will have to wear if we
are to pass safely into France.Copy !req
156. Well, on second thoughts, I think I
might give this whole thing a miss.Copy !req
157. My tummy's playing up a bit.Copy !req
158. Wish I could come,
but just not poss with this tum.Copy !req
159. I understand perfectly, sir.Copy !req
160. Also, the chances of me scoring if I
look and smell like him are zero.Copy !req
161. That's true, sir. We shall return
presently to bid you farewell.Copy !req
162. Mr B, I've been having second
thoughts about this trip to France.Copy !req
163. As far as I can see, looking
and smelling like thisCopy !req
164. there's not much chance
of me scoring, either.Copy !req
165. - Well, Blackadder, this is it.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
166. If I don't make it back,
please write to my motherCopy !req
167. and tell her that I've
been alive all the time,Copy !req
168. it's just that I couldn't be bothered
to get in touch with the old bat.Copy !req
169. Well, of course,
it's the very least I could do.Copy !req
170. We must leave at once.Copy !req
171. The shadows lengthen and we have a
long and arduous journey ahead of us.Copy !req
172. Farewell, dear master and,
dare I say, friend.Copy !req
173. Farewell, brave liberator,
and dare I say it, butler.Copy !req
174. Right, stick the
kettle on, Balders.Copy !req
175. What, aren't we
going to France?Copy !req
176. Of course not,
it's incredibly dangerous there.Copy !req
177. Well, how are you
going to win your bet?Copy !req
178. As always, Baldrick. By the use of
the large thing between my ears.Copy !req
179. Oh, your nose.Copy !req
180. No, Baldrick, my brain.Copy !req
181. All we do is lie low here
for a week,Copy !req
182. then go to Mrs Miggins',
pick up any old French aristocrat,Copy !req
183. drag him through a puddle,
take him to the ball,Copy !req
184. and claim our
thousand guineas.Copy !req
185. What if the Prince
finds us here?Copy !req
186. He couldn't find his
own fly buttons.Copy !req
187. What a pair of trousers!Copy !req
188. I shall be the belle
of the Embassy Ball.Copy !req
189. Now, how to put them on?
Blackadder!Copy !req
190. Oh, no, damn, he's
gone to France.Copy !req
191. Well, I'll do it myself,
shouldn't be too difficult.Copy !req
192. One Week LaterCopy !req
193. Well, Baldrick, what a
very pleasant week.Copy !req
194. We must do this more often.Copy !req
195. Yes, I shall certainly
choose revolutionary FranceCopy !req
196. for my holiday
again next year.Copy !req
197. Still, time to go to work.Copy !req
198. Off to Mrs Miggins' to pick
up any old French toff.Copy !req
199. What do you think that is?Copy !req
200. If I was feeling malicious,
I'd say it's the PrinceCopy !req
201. still trying to put his
trousers on after a week.Copy !req
202. Damn!Copy !req
203. Ah, Mrs Miggins,Copy !req
204. I'd like a massive plate
of pig's trotters,Copy !req
205. frog's legs and
snail's ears, please,Copy !req
206. all drenched in your lovely
Scarlet Pimpernel Sauce.Copy !req
207. Not so hostile to the
Frenchies now, Mr B.Copy !req
208. Certainly, not, Mrs M. I'd sooner
be hostile to my own servant.Copy !req
209. In fact, I came here specifically
to meet lovely Frenchies.Copy !req
210. Well, vive to that and an
eclair for both of us!Copy !req
211. Vive, indeed.Copy !req
212. Now, what I'm looking for, Mrs M.,
is a particular kind of Frenchie,Copy !req
213. namely one who is transparently of
noble blood but also short on cash.Copy !req
214. I've got just the fellow for you,
over there by the window,Copy !req
215. the Comte de Frou-Frou.Copy !req
216. He's pretty down on his luck,Copy !req
217. and he's made that horse's willy
last all morning.Copy !req
218. We have struck garlic!Copy !req
219. Now you can have
some lunch, Baldrick.Copy !req
220. Thank you.Copy !req
221. Le Comte de Frou-Frou, I believe.Copy !req
222. Eh?Copy !req
223. - Do you speak English?
- A little...Copy !req
224. What exactly do you mean?Copy !req
225. Can we talk or are we going to
spend the rest of the afternoonCopy !req
226. asking each other the way to
the beach in very loud voices?Copy !req
227. Ah, no. I can order coffee,
deal with waiters,Copy !req
228. make sexy chit-chat with girls,
that type of thing.Copy !req
229. Just don't ask me to
take a physiology classCopy !req
230. or direct a light opera.Copy !req
231. No, I won't.Copy !req
232. Now, listen, Frou-Frou, would
you like to earn some money?Copy !req
233. No, I wouldn't.Copy !req
234. I would like other people to
earn it and then give it to me,Copy !req
235. just like in France
in the good old days.Copy !req
236. This is a chance to return
to the good old days.Copy !req
237. Oh, how I would love that!Copy !req
238. I hate this life!
The food is filthy!Copy !req
239. This huge sausage
is very suspicious.Copy !req
240. If I didn't know better,
I'd say it was a horse's...Copy !req
241. Yes, yes, all right.Copy !req
242. Now, listen. The plan is this.Copy !req
243. I have a bet on with someoneCopy !req
244. that I can get a Frenchman
out of Paris.Copy !req
245. I want you to be that Frenchman.Copy !req
246. All you have to do is
come to the embassy with me,Copy !req
247. say that I rescued you,Copy !req
248. and then walk away with
fifty guineasCopy !req
249. and all the vol-au-vents you can
stuff in your pockets.Copy !req
250. - What do you say?
- It will be a pleasure.Copy !req
251. If there's one thing we aristocrats
enjoy, it's a fabulous party.Copy !req
252. Oh, the music!
Oh, the laughter!Copy !req
253. If only I'd brought
my mongoose costume.Copy !req
254. Yes, well, obviously it
hasn't really got going yet.Copy !req
255. I think that is a bit of
an understatement,Copy !req
256. I've been at autopsies with
more party atmosphere.Copy !req
257. Don't worry!Copy !req
258. In a moment we will hear the sound
of music and happy laughter.Copy !req
259. - Bonsoir, monsieur.
- Good evening, my man.Copy !req
260. - Do you speak English?
- A little.Copy !req
261. Just take me to the
Ambassador, then, will you?Copy !req
262. Pardon?Copy !req
263. I have rescued an aristocratCopy !req
264. from the clutches of the evil
revolutionaries.Copy !req
265. Please take me to
the Ambassador.Copy !req
266. No, I won't.Copy !req
267. I am an evil revolutionaryCopy !req
268. and I have murdered
the AmbassadorCopy !req
269. and I've turned him into pâté.Copy !req
270. Ah...Copy !req
271. And you, aristo-pig,
are trapped.Copy !req
272. Pig? Hah! You will regret your
insolence, revolutionary dog.Copy !req
273. Dog? Hah! You will regret your
arrogance, royalist snake.Copy !req
274. Snake? Hah!Copy !req
275. Sorry to interrupt this
interesting discussion.Copy !req
276. But this is really none
of my business,Copy !req
277. so I think I'll be on my way.
Come on, Baldrick.Copy !req
278. Not so fast, English!Copy !req
279. In rescuing this
"boîte de stinkyweed"Copy !req
280. you have attempted to pervert
revolutionary justice.Copy !req
281. Do you know what they do
to people who do that?Copy !req
282. They're given a little present
and allowed to go free?Copy !req
283. They're smacked and told not to be
naughty, but basically let off.Copy !req
284. - I think I know.
- What?Copy !req
285. They're put in prison
for the nightCopy !req
286. and brutally guillotined
in the morning.Copy !req
287. Well done, Baldrick.Copy !req
288. Your little gnome is correct,
monsieur.Copy !req
289. Gentlemen! Welcome to the
last day of your life!Copy !req
290. How dare you,
you filthy weasel.Copy !req
291. Weasel? Hah!
You're one to talk, aristo-warthog.Copy !req
292. - Warthog? Hah!
- Hah!Copy !req
293. Excuse me, Frou-Frou.
Look, mate, me old mate...Copy !req
294. We're both working class,
we both hate these rich bastards.Copy !req
295. Come on, me old mucker,
just let me go,Copy !req
296. you've got nothing against me.Copy !req
297. On the contrary.Copy !req
298. I hate you English
with your boring trousersCopy !req
299. and your shiny toilet paperCopy !req
300. and your ridiculous
preconceptionCopy !req
301. that Frenchmen are
great lovers.Copy !req
302. I'm French and I'm
hung like a baby carrotCopy !req
303. and a couple of petits pois.Copy !req
304. Farewell, old mucker,
and death to the aristos!Copy !req
305. - Death to the aristos!
- Shut up, mousebrain!Copy !req
306. Monsieur, why do you
waste your words on this scum?Copy !req
307. Have no fear!Copy !req
308. - The Scarlet Pimpernel will save us.
- Hah! Some hope.Copy !req
309. The Pimpernel is the most overrated
human being since Judas IscariotCopy !req
310. won the A.D. 31
Best Disciple Competition.Copy !req
311. Well, if he should fail us, here,
I have these suicide pills.Copy !req
312. One for me, one for you,Copy !req
313. and one for the dwarf.Copy !req
314. - Say "thank you", Baldrick.
- Thank you, Mr Frou.Copy !req
315. - Ah, the Pimpernel!
- Hurray!Copy !req
316. Ah, the Ambassador, hurray...Copy !req
317. Hmm, I've got nothing to do.Copy !req
318. So I think I will torture...Copy !req
319. you, aristo-mongrel!Copy !req
320. Mongrel? Hah! I look forward
to it, proletarian skunk!Copy !req
321. Skunk? Hah! We'll see about that,
aristocratic happypotamus!Copy !req
322. Happypotamus? Hah! We'll soon
see who's the happypotamus.Copy !req
323. I'm glad to say, I don't think
you'll be needing those pills, Mr B.Copy !req
324. Am I jumping the gun,
Baldrick,Copy !req
325. or are the words
"I have a cunning plan"Copy !req
326. marching with
ill-deserved confidenceCopy !req
327. in the direction of
this conversation?Copy !req
328. They certainly are!Copy !req
329. Forgive me if I don't jump
up and down with glee,Copy !req
330. your record is not exactly
a hundred percent.Copy !req
331. - So, what's the plan?
- We do nothing.Copy !req
332. Yep, that's another
world-beater.Copy !req
333. Wait, I haven't finished.Copy !req
334. We do nothing until our heads
have actually been cut off.Copy !req
335. - And then we spring into action?
- Exactly!Copy !req
336. You know how when you
cut a chicken's head off,Copy !req
337. it runs round and
round the farmyard?Copy !req
338. Yeah...Copy !req
339. Well, we wait until our
heads have been cut off,Copy !req
340. then we run round
and round the farmyard,Copy !req
341. out the farm gate and escape.Copy !req
342. What do you think?Copy !req
343. My opinions are difficult
to express in words.Copy !req
344. Perhaps I can put
it this way...Copy !req
345. It doesn't really matter,Copy !req
346. 'cause the Scarlet Pimpernel
will save us, anyway.Copy !req
347. No, he won't, Baldrick.Copy !req
348. Either I think up an idea,
or tomorrow we die,Copy !req
349. which, Baldrick,
I have no intention of doing,Copy !req
350. because I want to be
young and wild,Copy !req
351. and then I want to be
middle-aged and rich,Copy !req
352. and then I want to be oldCopy !req
353. and annoy people by
pretending that I'm deaf.Copy !req
354. Just be quiet and let me think.Copy !req
355. I can't sleep, Mr Blackadder.Copy !req
356. I said "Shut up"!Copy !req
357. I'm so excited to thinkCopy !req
358. that the Scarlet Pimpernel
will be here at any moment.Copy !req
359. I wish you'd forget this
ridiculous fantasy, Baldrick.Copy !req
360. Even if he did turn up,
the guards would be wokenCopy !req
361. by the scraping noise
as he tried to squeezeCopy !req
362. his massive swollen
head through the door.Copy !req
363. I couldn't sleep
when I was little.Copy !req
364. You still are
little, Baldrick.Copy !req
365. Yeah, well, when I was
even littler, see,Copy !req
366. we used to live in
this haunted hovel.Copy !req
367. Every night, my family
were troubled by a visitationCopy !req
368. from this disgusting ghoul.Copy !req
369. It was terrible. First there
was this unholy smell,Copy !req
370. then this tiny, clammy,
hairy creatureCopy !req
371. would materialise in
the bed between them.Copy !req
372. Fortunately, I could
never see it myself.Copy !req
373. Tell me, Baldrick, when
you left home,Copy !req
374. did this repulsive entity
mysteriously disappear?Copy !req
375. That very day.Copy !req
376. I think then, that the mystery
is solved. Now shut up.Copy !req
377. Either I think up an idea,
or tomorrow we meet our maker.Copy !req
378. In my case, God.
In your case, God knows,Copy !req
379. but I'd be surprised
if he's won any design awards.Copy !req
380. - I thought of a plan!
- Hurray!Copy !req
381. Also, I thought
of a way to get you to sleep.Copy !req
382. Ow!Copy !req
383. Morning, scum.Copy !req
384. - Did we sleep well?
- Like a tot, thank you.Copy !req
385. But, by jiminy, you
must be feeling thirstyCopy !req
386. after your
long night's brutality.Copy !req
387. - Drink?
- Non, merci, not while I'm on duty.Copy !req
388. Perhaps later.Copy !req
389. For you, monsieur,
there is no later.Copy !req
390. Because gentlemen,
I am proud to introduceCopy !req
391. France's most vicious woman,Copy !req
392. unexpectedly arrived
from Paris this morning.Copy !req
393. Please welcome Madame Guillotine
herself!Copy !req
394. - Are these the English pigs?
- Yes, that's us.Copy !req
395. Leave them with me,
Monsieur Ambssssdeur.Copy !req
396. I intend to torture them in a
manner so unbearably gruesome,Copy !req
397. even you will not be
able to stand it!Copy !req
398. I don't think I will
have a problem, madame.Copy !req
399. You will be sick.Copy !req
400. - I'll leave if I'm feeling queasy.
- You will be sick immediately.Copy !req
401. What if I am sick quietly, in a bag?
I mean, what is in your mind?Copy !req
402. So! Scum!Copy !req
403. Prepare to be in pain!Copy !req
404. Yes, certainly. But first,
perhaps, a toast to your beauty.Copy !req
405. Oh, thank you. OK.Copy !req
406. Cheers.Copy !req
407. I expect you were expecting
to be rescued, huh?Copy !req
408. Some bloody hope...Copy !req
409. On the contrary!
I'm just sorry I'm so late.Copy !req
410. Yes, gentlemen, I have come
to take you to freedom!Copy !req
411. Hurray!Copy !req
412. My God! Smedley! But I thought
you were an absolute fathead.Copy !req
413. No, just a damn fine actor!Copy !req
414. Thank God I got here before you took
any of those awful suicide pills!Copy !req
415. I suppose, if someone had taken one
and wished that he hadn't,Copy !req
416. he'd be able to
do something about it.Copy !req
417. No, no, they're very odd things,
you see.Copy !req
418. The symptoms are
most peculiar.Copy !req
419. First of all, the victims
become very, very depressed.Copy !req
420. Oh, God!Copy !req
421. This whole revolution
is so depressing, I mean,Copy !req
422. sometimes I wonder
why I bother.Copy !req
423. I'm so lonely,
and nobody loves me...Copy !req
424. And after the
depression comes death?Copy !req
425. No, after the depression comes the
loss of temper, you stuck-up bastard!Copy !req
426. What are you staring at?Copy !req
427. And after the
temper comes death?Copy !req
428. No! After the temper
comes the, er...Copy !req
429. - ... comes the, er...
- Forgetfulness?Copy !req
430. Er, yes, that's it.
Er, comes the, er...Copy !req
431. Forgetfulness.Copy !req
432. Yes, yes. Right in the
middle of a thingy...Copy !req
433. you completely forget
what it was you...Copy !req
434. Oh, nice pair of shoes!Copy !req
435. And after the forgetfulness,
you die?Copy !req
436. Oh, no!
I forgot one!Copy !req
437. After the forgetfulness comes a
moment of exquisite happiness!Copy !req
438. Jumping up and down,
and waving your arms in the air,Copy !req
439. and knowing that in a minute
we're all going to be free!Copy !req
440. Free! Free!Copy !req
441. - And then death?
- No, you jump into a corner first.Copy !req
442. - Hurray! It's the Scarlet Pimpernel!
- Yes, Baldrick.Copy !req
443. - And you killed him!
- Yes, Baldrick.Copy !req
444. What's the bloody point
of being the Scarlet PimpernelCopy !req
445. if you're going to fall
for the old poisoned cup routine?Copy !req
446. Scarlet Pimpernel, my foot.
Scarlet Git, more like it.Copy !req
447. - Wait! Here's our chance to escape!
- But what about Mr Frou?Copy !req
448. Forget Frou-Frou. I wouldn't
pick my nose to save his life.Copy !req
449. Ah, Frou-Frou, my old friend and
comrade, what are you doing here?Copy !req
450. - I escaped! What happened here?
- Oh, er, nothing, nothing.Copy !req
451. I thought for a moment the
Scarlet Pimpernel had saved you.Copy !req
452. Ah, chaps, good to see you.
Just trying on the new trousers.Copy !req
453. I return, sir, as
promised, plus one toffCopy !req
454. French aristocrat fresh
from the Bastille.Copy !req
455. Pleased to meet you, monsieur.
Do sit down.Copy !req
456. Damn sorry about the revolution,
most awfully bad luck.Copy !req
457. Blackadder, how the devil
did you get him out?Copy !req
458. It's an extraordinary tale
of courage and heroismCopy !req
459. which I blush from telling myself,
but seeing as there's no one else...Copy !req
460. I could try.Copy !req
461. We left England in good weather,
but that was as far as our luck held.Copy !req
462. In the middle of Dover harbour,
we were struck by a tidal wave.Copy !req
463. I was forced to swim
to BoulogneCopy !req
464. with the unconscious Baldrick
tucked into my trousers.Copy !req
465. Then, we were taken to Paris,Copy !req
466. where I was summarily tried
and condemned to death,Copy !req
467. and then hung by
the larger of my testiclesCopy !req
468. from the walls of the Bastille.Copy !req
469. It was then that I decided
I had had enough.Copy !req
470. Bravo!Copy !req
471. I rescued the Count,
killed the guards,Copy !req
472. jumped the moat,
ran to VersaillesCopy !req
473. where I climbed into Mr
Robespierre's bedroom,Copy !req
474. leaving him a small
tray of milk chocolatesCopy !req
475. and an insulting note.
The rest was easy.Copy !req
476. That is an incredible story, worthy
of the Scarlet Pimpernel himself.Copy !req
477. I wouldn't know.Copy !req
478. I, on the other hand, would.Copy !req
479. Because, you see, sir...Copy !req
480. I am the Scarlet Pimpernel.Copy !req
481. - Uh oh...
- Hurray!Copy !req
482. - Good Lord! Topper!
- Yes, Your Highness.Copy !req
483. By egads and by jingo
with dumplings,Copy !req
484. steak and kidneys, and a good
solid helping of sprouts,Copy !req
485. I can't believe it!Copy !req
486. You're the fellow who single-handedly
saved all those Frenchies?Copy !req
487. Not quite single-handedly, sir.Copy !req
488. I operated with the help
of my friend, Smedley,Copy !req
489. but he seems to have disappeared for
the moment, slightly mysteriously.Copy !req
490. - Shut up, Baldrick.
- Yes, Mr Blackadder.Copy !req
491. So Blackadder rescued
the Scarlet Pimpernel.Copy !req
492. No, sir, he did not.Copy !req
493. Prepare yourself for a
story of dishonour and deceitCopy !req
494. that will make
your stomach turn.Copy !req
495. This is interesting,
isn't it, Blackadder?Copy !req
496. Not only that, but I trust it will
lead to the imprisonment of a manCopy !req
497. who is a liar, a bounder,
and a cad.Copy !req
498. Well, bravo, because
we hate liars,Copy !req
499. bounders and cads,
don't we, Blackadder?Copy !req
500. Generally speaking, yes, sir.Copy !req
501. But perhaps before
Lord Topper starts to talk,Copy !req
502. he might like a glass of wine.Copy !req
503. - He's looking a little shaken.
- Shaken, but not stirred.Copy !req
504. It all began last week.Copy !req
505. I was sitting in Mrs
Miggins' coffee shop when...Copy !req
506. Oh, God!Copy !req
507. All this treachery
is so depressing.Copy !req
508. I mean, the whole thing
just makes you incredibly angry!Copy !req
509. And it just makes
you want to...Copy !req
510. Oh, that's a nice waistcoat,
Your Majesty.Copy !req
511. I'm sorry, I've completely forgotten
what I was talking about.Copy !req
512. A story of dishonour
and deceit...Copy !req
513. That's a great story!
That's great!Copy !req
514. Oh, that's a wonderful story!Copy !req
515. Let me just jump into
the corner first.Copy !req
516. Roast my raisins!
He's popped it!Copy !req
517. Do you think he really was
the Scarlet Pimpernel?Copy !req
518. Well, judging from the ridiculous
ostentatiousness of his death,Copy !req
519. I would say that he was.Copy !req
520. Well, that's a damn shame,Copy !req
521. because I wanted to give him this
enormous postal order.Copy !req
522. Please, sir, let me finish.
I would say that he was... n't.Copy !req
523. You see, the Scarlet
Pimpernel would never everCopy !req
524. reveal his identity.
That's his great secret.Copy !req
525. So what you're
actually looking forCopy !req
526. is someone who has, say,
just been to FranceCopy !req
527. and rescued an aristocrat,Copy !req
528. but when asked,
"Are you the Scarlet Pimpernel?",Copy !req
529. he replies, "Absolutely not".Copy !req
530. But, wait a minute!Copy !req
531. Blackadder,
you've just been to France,Copy !req
532. and you've rescued a
French aristocrat.Copy !req
533. Blackadder, are you
the Scarlet Pimpernel?Copy !req
534. Absolutely not, sir.Copy !req
535. Hurray!Copy !req