1. God, why do they bother?!Copy !req
2. Well, it's to kill Jerry, Isn't it, sir?Copy !req
3. Yes, but Jerry is safe underground
in concrete bunkers.Copy !req
4. We've shot off over a million cannon
shellsand what's the result?Copy !req
5. One dachshund with a slight limp!Copy !req
6. Shut up!Copy !req
7. Thank you!Copy !req
8. Right, I'm off to bed
where I intend to sleepCopy !req
9. until my name changes
to Rip Van Adder.Copy !req
10. Aah...Copy !req
11. Oh, God! Bloody Germans!Copy !req
12. They can't take a joke, can they?Copy !req
13. Just because we take
a few pot-shots at them,Copy !req
14. they have to have an air-raid
to get their own back.Copy !req
15. Where are our air force?Copy !req
16. They're meant to defend us
against this sort of thing.Copy !req
17. Right, that's it!Copy !req
18. Hello?Copy !req
19. Yes, yes, I'd like to leave a messageCopy !req
20. for the head of the Flying Corps, please.Copy !req
21. That's Air Chief Marshal Sir Hugh
Massingbird-Massingbird,Copy !req
22. VC, DFC and BAR.Copy !req
23. Message reads: "Where are you,
you bastard?"Copy !req
24. Here I am, sir.Copy !req
25. For God's sake, Baldrick, take cover.Copy !req
26. Why's that, sir?Copy !req
27. Because there's an air-raid going onCopy !req
28. And I don't want to have to write
to your mother at London ZooCopy !req
29. and tell her that
her only human child is dead.Copy !req
30. All right, sir.Copy !req
31. It's just that I didn't know
there was an air-raid on.Copy !req
32. I couldn't hear anything
over the noise of the terrific displayCopy !req
33. by our wonderful boys
of the Royal Flying Corps, sir.Copy !req
34. What?Copy !req
35. I say, those chaps can't half thunderCopy !req
36. in their airborne steeds, can't they just?Copy !req
37. Oh, hello, what's going on here?
Game of hide and seek?Copy !req
38. Excellent!Copy !req
39. Right now, I'll go and count to a hundred.Copy !req
40. Er, no. Better make it five, actually.Copy !req
41. George... Oh, it's sardines.Copy !req
42. Oh, excellent!
That's my favourite one, that.Copy !req
43. - George.
- Yes, sir?Copy !req
44. Shut up, and never say anything again
as long as you live.Copy !req
45. Right you are, sir.Copy !req
46. Crikey, but what a show it was, sir.Copy !req
47. Lord Flashheart's Flying Aces.Copy !req
48. How we cheered when they spun.Copy !req
49. How we shouted when they dived.Copy !req
50. How we applauded when one chap
got sliced in half by his own propeller.Copy !req
51. Well, it's all part of the jokeCopy !req
52. for those magnificent men
in their flying machines.Copy !req
53. For "magnificent men," read
"biggest show-offs" since Lady GodivaCopy !req
54. "entered the royal enclosure at Ascotclaiming
she had literally nothing to wear."Copy !req
55. I don't care how many timesCopy !req
56. they go up-diddly-up-up, they're still gits!Copy !req
57. Oh, come on, sir! I'd love to be a flier.Copy !req
58. Up there where the air is clear.Copy !req
59. The chances of the air being clear
anywhere near you, Baldrick, are zero!Copy !req
60. Oh, sir. It'd be great,
swooping and diving.Copy !req
61. Baldrick.Copy !req
62. Baldrick.Copy !req
63. Baldrick, what are you doing?Copy !req
64. I'm a Sopwith Camel, sir.Copy !req
65. Oh, it is a Sopwith Camel.Copy !req
66. Ah, right, I always get confusedCopy !req
67. between the sound of a Sopwith CamelCopy !req
68. and the sound of a malodorous runt
wasting everybody's time.Copy !req
69. Now, if you can do without me
in the nursery for a while,Copy !req
70. I'm going to get some fresh air.Copy !req
71. Ha! Eat knuckle, Fritz!Copy !req
72. Ooh!Copy !req
73. How disgusting.Copy !req
74. A boche on the sole of my boot.Copy !req
75. I shall have to find a patch of grass
to wipe it on.Copy !req
76. Probably get shunned
in the officers' mess.Copy !req
77. Sorry about the pong, you fellows,Copy !req
78. Trod in a boche and can't get rid of the whiff.Copy !req
79. Do you think we could dispenseCopy !req
80. with the hilarious doggy-do metaphor
for a moment?Copy !req
81. I'm not a boche.Copy !req
82. - This is a British trench.
- Is it?Copy !req
83. Oh, that's a piece of luck.Copy !req
84. Thought I'd landed sausage-side! Ha!Copy !req
85. Mind if I use your phone?Copy !req
86. If word gets out that I'm missing,Copy !req
87. five hundred girls will kill themselves.Copy !req
88. I wouldn't want them on my conscience,Copy !req
89. not when they ought to be on my face!Copy !req
90. Hi, Flashheart here.Copy !req
91. Yeah, cancel the state funeral,Copy !req
92. tell the king to stop blubbing.
Flash is "not" dead.Copy !req
93. I simply ran out of "juice!"Copy !req
94. Yeah, and before all the girls start saying,Copy !req
95. Oh, what's the point of living anymore,Copy !req
96. I'm talking about petrol! Woof, woof!Copy !req
97. Yeah, I dumped the kite
on the proles, so send a car.Copy !req
98. General Melchett's driver should do.Copy !req
99. She hangs around with the big nobs,Copy !req
100. so she'll be used to a fellow like me!
Woof, woof!Copy !req
101. Look, do you think you could make
your obscene phone call somewhere else?Copy !req
102. No, not in half an hour,
you rubber-desk johnny.Copy !req
103. Send the bitch with the wheels right now,
or I'll fly back to EnglandCopy !req
104. and give your wife something
to hang her towels on.Copy !req
105. Okay, dig out your best boozeCopy !req
106. and let's talk about me 'til the car comes.Copy !req
107. You must be pretty impressed having
squadron commander The Lord FlashheartCopy !req
108. drop in on your squalid bit of line.Copy !req
109. Actually, no.Copy !req
110. I was more impressed by the contents
of my handkerchiefCopy !req
111. the last time I blew my nose.Copy !req
112. Yeah, like hell.Copy !req
113. Huh, huh.Copy !req
114. You've probably got little piccies of meCopy !req
115. on the walls of your dugout, haven't you?Copy !req
116. I bet you go all girly and giggly
every time you "look at me"!Copy !req
117. I'm afraid not.Copy !req
118. Unfortunately, most of the infantry
think you're a prat.Copy !req
119. Ask them who they'd prefer to meet,Copy !req
120. Squadron Commander FlashheartCopy !req
121. and the man who cleans out
the public toilets in Aberdeen,Copy !req
122. and they'd go for Wee Jock
"Poo-Pong" Mcplop every time.Copy !req
123. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
124. So when that fellow looped-the-loop,Copy !req
125. I honestly thought that, that, that...Copy !req
126. My God!Copy !req
127. Yes, I suppose I am.Copy !req
128. Lord Flashheart,Copy !req
129. this is the greatest honor of my life.Copy !req
130. I hope I snuff it right now
to preserve this moment forever.Copy !req
131. It could be arranged.Copy !req
132. Lord Flashheart, I want to learn to writeCopy !req
133. so I can send a letter home
about this golden moment.Copy !req
134. So all the fellows hate me, eh?Copy !req
135. Not a bit of it.Copy !req
136. I'm your bloody hero, eh, old scout?Copy !req
137. Jesus!Copy !req
138. My lord, I've got every cigarette card
they ever printed of you.Copy !req
139. My whole family took up smokingCopy !req
140. just so that we could get the whole set.Copy !req
141. My grandmother smoked herself to deathCopy !req
142. so we could afford the album.Copy !req
143. Of course she did, of course she did,Copy !req
144. The poor love-crazed old octogenarian.Copy !req
145. Well, all right, you fellows.Copy !req
146. Let's sit us down and yarn about
how amazingly attractive I am.Copy !req
147. Yes, would you excuse me
for a moment?Copy !req
148. I've got some urgent business.Copy !req
149. There's a bucket outside
I've got to be sick into.Copy !req
150. Yooo-hooo!Copy !req
151. All right, you chaps,
let's get comfy.Copy !req
152. You look like a decent British bloke.Copy !req
153. I'll park the old booties
on you if that's okay.Copy !req
154. It would be an honor, my lord.Copy !req
155. Of course it would! Ha!Copy !req
156. Ah... Have you any idea
what it's likeCopy !req
157. to have the wind
rushing through your hair?Copy !req
158. No, sir.Copy !req
159. He has! Lucky devil!Copy !req
160. So I flew straight
through her bedroom window,Copy !req
161. popped a box of chocs
on the dressing table,Copy !req
162. machine-gunned my telephone
number into the wall,Copy !req
163. and then shot off and shagged her sister.Copy !req
164. Ahem.Copy !req
165. Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, my lord.Copy !req
166. Well, well, well.Copy !req
167. If it isn't little Bobby Parkhurst...Copy !req
168. Saucier than a direct hit on a Heinz factory.Copy !req
169. I've come to pick you up.Copy !req
170. Well, that's how like my girls...Copy !req
171. direct and to my point. Woof!Copy !req
172. Woof!Copy !req
173. Ah! Tally ho, then!Copy !req
174. Back to the bar.Copy !req
175. You should join
the Flying Corps, George.Copy !req
176. That's the way to fight a war.Copy !req
177. Tasty tuck, soft beds
and a uniform so smartCopy !req
178. It's got a Ph.D. From Cambridge.Copy !req
179. You could even bring
the breath monster here.Copy !req
180. Anyone can be a navigatorCopy !req
181. If he can tell his arse from his elbow.Copy !req
182. Well, that's Baldrick out,
I fear...Copy !req
183. We're always looking
for talented typesCopy !req
184. To join the Twenty-Minuters.Copy !req
185. And there goes George.Copy !req
186. Tally ho, then, Bobby.Copy !req
187. Hush, here comes a whiz-bangCopy !req
188. and I think you know
what I'm talking about!Copy !req
189. - Woof!
- Woof!Copy !req
190. God, it's like crufts in here!Copy !req
191. I say, sir, what a splendid notion.
The Twenty-Minuters.Copy !req
192. Soft tucker, tasty beds,
fluffy uniforms.Copy !req
193. Begging your permission, sir,Copy !req
194. but why do they call them
the Twenty Minuters?Copy !req
195. Ah, now, yes,Copy !req
196. Now this one is in my brooke bond
"Book Of The Air."Copy !req
197. Now, you have to collect
all the cardsCopy !req
198. and then stick them into this
wonderful presentation booklet.Copy !req
199. Er...Copy !req
200. Ah, here we are, Twenty-Minuters.Copy !req
201. Oh, damn! Haven't got the card yet.Copy !req
202. Ah, but the caption says "Twenty minutesCopy !req
203. "is the average amount of time
new pilots spend in the air."Copy !req
204. - Twenty minutes.
- That's right, sir.Copy !req
205. I had a twenty-hour watch yesterday,Copy !req
206. With four hours overtime,
in two feet of water.Copy !req
207. Well then, for goodness sake, sir,
why don't we join?Copy !req
208. Yeah, be better than just
sitting around here all dayCopy !req
209. on our elbows.Copy !req
210. No, thank you.
No, thank you.Copy !req
211. I have no desire to hang aroundCopy !req
212. With a bunch of upper-class delinquents,Copy !req
213. do twenty minutes work,Copy !req
214. and then spend the rest of
the day loafing about in Paris,Copy !req
215. drinking gallons of champagneCopy !req
216. and having dozens of moist, pink,Copy !req
217. highly-experienced young
French peasant girlsCopy !req
218. galloping up and down my...Copy !req
219. Hang on.Copy !req
220. Come!Copy !req
221. Ah, Captain Blackadder.Copy !req
222. Good morning, Captain Darling.Copy !req
223. What do you want?Copy !req
224. You're looking so well.Copy !req
225. I'm a busy man, Blackadder.Copy !req
226. Let's hear it, whatever it is.Copy !req
227. Well, you know, Darling, every man...Copy !req
228. Every man has a dream...Copy !req
229. Hmmm...Copy !req
230. and when I was a small boy,Copy !req
231. I used to watch the marsh warblersCopy !req
232. swooping in my mothers undercroft,Copy !req
233. and I remember thinking,Copy !req
234. 'will men ever dare do the same? 'Copy !req
235. And you know...Copy !req
236. Oh, you want to join
the Royal Flying Corps?Copy !req
237. Oh, that's a thought.Copy !req
238. - Could I?
- No, you couldn't!Copy !req
239. Good-bye!Copy !req
240. Look, come on, Darling,
just give me an application form.Copy !req
241. It's out of the question.Copy !req
242. This is simply a ruseCopy !req
243. to waste five months of trainingCopy !req
244. after which you'll claim you can't fly after allCopy !req
245. because it makes your ears go "pop".Copy !req
246. Come on, I wasn't born yesterday,
Blackadder.Copy !req
247. More's the pity,Copy !req
248. we could have started
your personality from scratch.Copy !req
249. So, the training period
is five months, is it?Copy !req
250. It's no concern of yours if it's five yearsCopy !req
251. and comes with a free holiday in Tunisia,Copy !req
252. contraceptives supplied.Copy !req
253. Besides, they wouldn't admit you.Copy !req
254. It's not easy getting transfers, you know.Copy !req
255. Oh, you've tried it yourself,
have you?Copy !req
256. No, I haven't.Copy !req
257. Trust you to try and skive off
to some cushy option.Copy !req
258. There's nothing cushyCopy !req
259. about life in the Womens'
Auxiliary Balloon Corps.Copy !req
260. ...And then the bishop said,Copy !req
261. I'm awfully sorry, I didn't realize
you meant organist.Copy !req
262. Thank you, George.Copy !req
263. At ease, everybody.
Now, where's my map?Copy !req
264. - Come on.
- Sir!Copy !req
265. Thank you.Copy !req
266. God, it's a barren,
featureless desert out there, isn't it?Copy !req
267. The other side, sir!Copy !req
268. Hello, George.Copy !req
269. What are you doing here?Copy !req
270. Me, sir? I just popped in
to join the Royal Flying Corps.Copy !req
271. Hello, Blackadder.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
272. Me, sir? I just popped in
to join the Royal Flying Corps.Copy !req
273. And, of course, I said...Copy !req
274. Bravo, I hope, Darling.Copy !req
275. Because, you know,
I've always had my doubtsCopy !req
276. about you trenchy-type fellows.Copy !req
277. Always suspected there might
be a bit too muchCopy !req
278. of the battle-dodging,
nappy-wearing,Copy !req
279. I'd-rather-have-a-cup-of-tea-Copy !req
280. Than-charge-stark-naked-
at-Jerry about you.Copy !req
281. But if you're willing to join
the Twenty-Minuters,Copy !req
282. Then you're all right by me
and welcome to marry my sister any day.Copy !req
283. Are you sure about this, sir?Copy !req
284. Certainly, you should hear
the noise she makesCopy !req
285. when she eats a boiled egg.Copy !req
286. Be glad to get her out of the house.Copy !req
287. So, report back here 09:00 hours
for your basic training.Copy !req
288. Crikey! I'm looking forward to today.Copy !req
289. Up-diddly-up, down-diddly-down,Copy !req
290. Whoops-poop, twiddly-dee.Copy !req
291. Decent scrap with the fiendish Red Baron,Copy !req
292. a bit of a jolly old crash landing
behind enemy lines,Copy !req
293. capture, torture, escapeCopy !req
294. and then back home
in time for tea and medals.Copy !req
295. George, who's using the family brain-cell
at the moment?Copy !req
296. This is just the beginning of the training.Copy !req
297. The beginning of five long monthsCopy !req
298. of very clever, very dull men
looking at machinery.Copy !req
299. Flashheart:
Hey, girls! Look at my machinery!Copy !req
300. Enter a man who has no underwear.Copy !req
301. Ask me why.Copy !req
302. Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?Copy !req
303. Because the pants haven't been built yet
that can take the job on.Copy !req
304. And that's the type of guy who's doing
the training around here.Copy !req
305. Sit down!Copy !req
306. Well, well, well, well, well.Copy !req
307. If it isn't old Captain Slack Bladder.Copy !req
308. Blackadder.Copy !req
309. Couldn't resist it, eh, Slack Bladder?Copy !req
310. Told you you thought I was great.Copy !req
311. All right men, let's dooooo it!Copy !req
312. The first thing to remember is:Copy !req
313. Always treat your kite
like you treat your woman.Copy !req
314. How... how do you mean, sir?Copy !req
315. Do you mean...Copy !req
316. Do you mean take her home at weekends
to meet your mother?Copy !req
317. No, I mean get
inside her five times a dayCopy !req
318. and take her to heaven and back!Copy !req
319. I'm beginning to see whyCopy !req
320. the Suffragette Movement want the vote.Copy !req
321. Hey, hey!Copy !req
322. any bird who wants to chain
herself to my railingsCopy !req
323. and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!Copy !req
324. Er, right.Copy !req
325. Well, I'll see you
in ten minutes for take-off.Copy !req
326. Hang on, hang on!Copy !req
327. What about the months of training?Copy !req
328. Hey, wet-pants!Copy !req
329. This isn't the Women's Auxiliary
Balloon Corps.Copy !req
330. You're in the Twenty-Minuters now.Copy !req
331. Er, sir...Copy !req
332. Sir! Prat at the back!Copy !req
333. I think we'd all be intrigued to knowCopy !req
334. why you're called the Twenty-Minuters.Copy !req
335. Oh, Mister Thicko.Copy !req
336. Imagine not knowing that.Copy !req
337. Well, it's simple!Copy !req
338. The average life expectancy for a new pilot
is twenty minutes.Copy !req
339. Ah...Copy !req
340. Life expectancy... of twenty minutes.Copy !req
341. That's right.Copy !req
342. Goggles on, chocks away,
last one back's a homo!Copy !req
343. Hurray!Copy !req
344. Hurray!Copy !req
345. So, we take off in ten minutes,Copy !req
346. we're in the air for twenty minutes,Copy !req
347. which means we should be dead
by twenty-five to ten.Copy !req
348. Hairy blighters, sir.Copy !req
349. This is a bit of a turn-up
for the plus fours.Copy !req
350. I shouldn't worry about it
too much, Blackadder.Copy !req
351. Flying's all about navigation.Copy !req
352. As long as you've got a good navigator,Copy !req
353. I'm sure you'll be fine.Copy !req
354. Actually, they're right. This is a doddle.Copy !req
355. Careful, sir!Copy !req
356. Whoops, whoops, a little wobble there.Copy !req
357. I'll get the hang of it, don't worry.Copy !req
358. All right, Baldrick,
how many rounds have we got?Copy !req
359. Er, five hundred, sir.Copy !req
360. Cheese and tomato for you,
rat for me.Copy !req
361. Tally-bally ho!Copy !req
362. What's this, sir?Copy !req
363. Baldrick! Baldrick!Copy !req
364. Will you stop arsing about
and get back in the plane!Copy !req
365. Ooh, ooh, ooh!Copy !req
366. Hey, sir, I can see a pretty
red plane from up here.Copy !req
367. Ha ha!Copy !req
368. Woo woo!Copy !req
369. Schnell! Da unten!
Ha ha ha!Copy !req
370. Oh, no!Copy !req
371. Watch out, Baldrick,
it's stood right on our tail.Copy !req
372. Yes, now this is developing
into a distinctly boring situation,Copy !req
373. but we're still on our side of the lineCopy !req
374. So I'll crash-land and claim my ears went
"pop" first time out.Copy !req
375. - Ooh, let's hope we fall on something soft!
- Fine.Copy !req
376. I'll try and aim between
General Melchett's ears!Copy !req
377. I don't believe it.
A German prison cell.Copy !req
378. For two and a half years
the western front has beenCopy !req
379. as likely to move as a Frenchman
who lives next door to a brothel,Copy !req
380. and last night the Germans advance a mileCopy !req
381. and we land on the wrong side.Copy !req
382. Ooh, dear, Captain B,
my tummy's gone all squirty.Copy !req
383. That's because you're scared, Baldrick,Copy !req
384. and you're not the only one.
I couldn't be more petrifiedCopy !req
385. if a wild rhinoceros had just come home
from a hard day at the swampCopy !req
386. and found me wearing his pyjamas,Copy !req
387. smoking his cigars and in bed with his wife.Copy !req
388. I've heard what these Germans will do, sir.Copy !req
389. They'll have their wicked way
with anything of woman born.Copy !req
390. Well, in that case,
Baldrick, you're quite safe.Copy !req
391. However, the teutonic reputation
for brutality is well-founded...Copy !req
392. Their operas last three or four days,Copy !req
393. and they have no word for "fluffy".Copy !req
394. I want my mum!Copy !req
395. Yes, it'd be good to see her.Copy !req
396. I should imagine
a maternally-outraged gorillaCopy !req
397. could be a useful ally when it comes
to the final scrap.Copy !req
398. Prepare to die like a man, Baldrick.Copy !req
399. Or as close as you can come to a manCopy !req
400. without actually shaving
the palms of your hands.Copy !req
401. Good evening.Copy !req
402. I am Oberleutnant Von Gerhardt.Copy !req
403. I have a message from
the Baron Von Richthoven...Copy !req
404. The greatest living German.Copy !req
405. Which, considering his competition consistsCopy !req
406. entirely of very fat men in leather shorts,Copy !req
407. burping to the tune of
She'll Be Coming 'Round The Mountain,Copy !req
408. is no great achievement.Copy !req
409. Quiet!Copy !req
410. And what is your message?Copy !req
411. It is: "Prepare for a fate worse than death,
English flying fellow."Copy !req
412. Oh.Copy !req
413. So, it's the traditional
warm German welcome.Copy !req
414. Correct.Copy !req
415. Also, he is saying, "Do not try to escape
or you will suffer even worse."Copy !req
416. "a fate worse
than a fate worse than death."Copy !req
417. That's pretty bad.Copy !req
418. Yes, well, you see,Copy !req
419. It's all very well for you, isn't it,Copy !req
420. Sitting here behind yer, behind yer,
behind yer comfy desk!Copy !req
421. Don't you take that tone
with me, Lieutenant,Copy !req
422. or I'll have you on a charge
for insubordination.Copy !req
423. Well, I'd rather be
on a charge for insubordinationCopy !req
424. than on a charge of deserting a friend.Copy !req
425. How dare you talk to me like that!Copy !req
426. How dare I?Copy !req
427. Now, then, now then,
now, now, then, now then,Copy !req
428. now then, then now...Copy !req
429. Now then, what's going on here?Copy !req
430. That damn fool Blackadder
has crashed his planeCopy !req
431. behind enemy lines, sir.Copy !req
432. This young idiot wants to go
and try rescue him.Copy !req
433. It's a total waste of men and equipment.Copy !req
434. He's not a damn fool, sir, he's a bally hero.Copy !req
435. All right. All right.Copy !req
436. I'll deal with this, Darling.Copy !req
437. Delicate touch needed, I fancy.Copy !req
438. Now, George,Copy !req
439. Do you remember when I came down
to visit you when you were a nipperCopy !req
440. for your sixth birthday?Copy !req
441. You used to have a lovely little rabbit...Copy !req
442. Beautiful little thing. Do you remember?Copy !req
443. - Flossy.
- That's right, Flossy.Copy !req
444. Do you remember
what happened to Flossy?Copy !req
445. - You shot him.
- That's right.Copy !req
446. It was the kindest thing to doCopy !req
447. after he'd been run over by that car.Copy !req
448. - By your car, sir.
- Yes, by my car.Copy !req
449. But that too was an act of mercyCopy !req
450. when you would remember that
that dog had been set on him.Copy !req
451. - Your dog, sir.
- Yes, yes, my dog.Copy !req
452. But what I'm trying to say, George,Copy !req
453. is that the state young flossy was inCopy !req
454. after we'd scraped him off my front tireCopy !req
455. is very much the state that
young Blackadder will be in now.Copy !req
456. If not very nearly dead,
then very actually dead.Copy !req
457. - Permission for lip to wobble, sir?
- Permission granted.Copy !req
458. Stout fellow.Copy !req
459. But surely, sir, you must allow meCopy !req
460. to at least try and save him.Copy !req
461. No, George.Copy !req
462. It would be as pointless
as trying to teach a womanCopy !req
463. the value of a good,
forward defensive stroke.Copy !req
464. Besides, it would take a superman
to get him out of there,Copy !req
465. not the kind of weed who blubsCopy !req
466. just because somebody gives him
a slice of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake.Copy !req
467. Well, I suppose you're right, sir.Copy !req
468. 'Course I am.Copy !req
469. Now, let's talk about something
more jolly, shall we?Copy !req
470. Look, this is the amount of land
we've recaptured since yesterday.Copy !req
471. Oh, excellent.Copy !req
472. Um, what is the actual
scale of this map, Darling?Copy !req
473. - Um, one-to-one, sir.
- Come again?Copy !req
474. Er, the map is actually life-size, sir.
It's superbly detailed.Copy !req
475. - Look, there's a little worm.
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
476. So the actual amount
of land retaken is... ?Copy !req
477. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
478. Seventeen square feet, sir.Copy !req
479. - Excellent.Copy !req
480. So you see, young Blackadder
didn't die horribly in vain after all.Copy !req
481. If he did die, sir.Copy !req
482. Tch!Copy !req
483. That's the spirit, George.Copy !req
484. If nothing else works, then a total
pig-headed unwillingnessCopy !req
485. to look facts in the face
will see us through.Copy !req
486. So!Copy !req
487. I am the Red Baron von RichthovenCopy !req
488. and you are the two English flying acesCopy !req
489. responsible for the spilling
of the precious German bloodCopy !req
490. of many of my finest
and my blondest friends.Copy !req
491. I have waited many months to do this.Copy !req
492. You may have been right, Balders.Copy !req
493. Looks like we're going to get
rogered to death after all.Copy !req
494. Do you want me to go first, sir?Copy !req
495. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
496. You English and your sense of humour.Copy !req
497. During your brief stay, I look forward
to learning more of your wit,Copy !req
498. your punning and your amusing jokes
about the breaking of the wind.Copy !req
499. - Well, Baldrick's the expert there.
- I certainly am, sir.Copy !req
500. How lucky you English are
to find the toilet so amusing.Copy !req
501. For us, it is a mundane
and functional item.Copy !req
502. For you, the basis of an entire culture.Copy !req
503. I must now tell you of the full horror
of what awaits you.Copy !req
504. Ah, you see, Balders.Copy !req
505. dress it up in any amount
of pompous verbal diarrhoea,Copy !req
506. and the message is "squareheads downCopy !req
507. "for the big boche gang-bang."Copy !req
508. As an officer and a gentleman,Copy !req
509. you will be looking forward
to a quick and noble death.Copy !req
510. Well, obviously.Copy !req
511. But, instead, an even worse fate
awaits you.Copy !req
512. Tomorrow you will be
taken back to Germany...Copy !req
513. Here it comes!Copy !req
514. ...to a convent school outside Heidelberg,Copy !req
515. where you will spend the rest of the warCopy !req
516. teaching the young girls home economics.Copy !req
517. Er...Copy !req
518. For you, as a man of honor,Copy !req
519. the humiliation will be unbearable!Copy !req
520. Oh, I think you'll find we're tougher
than you imagine.Copy !req
521. Ha! I can tell how much
you are suffering by your long feces.Copy !req
522. We're not suffering too much
to say thank you."Copy !req
523. Thank you.Copy !req
524. Say thank you, Baldrick.Copy !req
525. Thank you, Baldrick.Copy !req
526. How amusing. But now, forgive me.Copy !req
527. I must take to the skies once again.Copy !req
528. Very funny.Copy !req
529. The noble Lord Flashheart still eludes me.Copy !req
530. I think you'll find he's overrated.Copy !req
531. Bad breath and...Copy !req
532. impotent, they say.Copy !req
533. Sexual innuendo.Copy !req
534. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
535. But enough of this.Copy !req
536. As you say in England, I must fly.
Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
537. Perhaps I will master
this humour after all, ja?Copy !req
538. I wouldn't be too optimistic.Copy !req
539. Oh, and the little fellow,Copy !req
540. If you get lonely in the night,
I'm in the old chateau.Copy !req
541. There's no pressure.Copy !req
542. Ha ha ha ha!
Pratfall!Copy !req
543. Is it really true, sir?Copy !req
544. Is the war really over for us?Copy !req
545. Yup!Copy !req
546. Out of the war and teaching nuns
how to boil eggs.Copy !req
547. For us, the great war is finito.Copy !req
548. A war that would be
a damn sight simplerCopy !req
549. if we'd just stayed in EnglandCopy !req
550. and shot fifty thousand of our men a week.Copy !req
551. No more mud, death,
rats, bombs, shrapnel,Copy !req
552. whiz-bangs, barbed wire
and those bloody awful songsCopy !req
553. that have the word "whoops" in the title.Copy !req
554. Oh, damn!
He's... he's left the door open.Copy !req
555. Oh, good! We can escape, sir.Copy !req
556. Are you mad, Baldrick?Copy !req
557. I'll find someone to lock it for us.Copy !req
558. Ssh! Keep-ee! Mum's the word!Copy !req
559. Not 'arf, or what?Copy !req
560. Sir, why did you just slam the door
on Lieutenant George?Copy !req
561. I can't believe it. Go away!Copy !req
562. It's me. It's me.Copy !req
563. But what the hell
are you doing here?Copy !req
564. Oh, never mind the hows and the whysCopy !req
565. and the do-you-mind- If-I-don'ts.Copy !req
566. But it would have taken
a superman to get in here.Copy !req
567. Well, it's funny you should say that,Copy !req
568. because as it happens
I did have some helpCopy !req
569. from a rather spiffing bloke.Copy !req
570. He's taken a break from
some crucial top-level shagging.Copy !req
571. It... it's me, hurray!Copy !req
572. Hurray!Copy !req
573. God's potatoes, George.Copy !req
574. You said Noble Brother Flyers
were in the lurch.Copy !req
575. If I'd known you meant Old Slack BladderCopy !req
576. and the mound of
the Hound Of The Baskervilles,Copy !req
577. I'd probably have let them
stew in their own juice.Copy !req
578. And let me tell you,
if I ever tried that,Copy !req
579. I'd probably drown.Copy !req
580. Oh!Copy !req
581. Still, since I'm here,
I may as well "doooo" it.Copy !req
582. As the bishop said
to the netball team,Copy !req
583. Come on, chums!Copy !req
584. Aah! Ow! Aah!Copy !req
585. Come on.Copy !req
586. Yes, yes.
Look, I'm sorry, chaps,Copy !req
587. But I've splintered my pancreas.Copy !req
588. Erm, and I seem to have
this terrible cough.Copy !req
589. C- Guards!
C- Guards!Copy !req
590. Wait, wait,
wait, wait,Copy !req
591. wait a minute.Copy !req
592. Now, I may be packing the kind of tackleCopy !req
593. that you'd normally
expect to find swinging aboutCopy !req
594. between the hind legs
of a Grand National winner,Copy !req
595. But I'm not totally stupid,Copy !req
596. and I've got the kind of feelingCopy !req
597. you'd rather we hadn't come.Copy !req
598. No, no, no, I'm very grateful.Copy !req
599. It's just that I'd slow you up.Copy !req
600. I think I'm beginning to understand.Copy !req
601. Are... are you?Copy !req
602. Just because I can give multiple orgasmsCopy !req
603. to the furniture just by "sitting" on it,Copy !req
604. doesn't mean that I'm not
sick of this damn war:Copy !req
605. The blood, the noise, the endless poetry.Copy !req
606. Is that really what you think, Flashheart?Copy !req
607. Course it's not what I think.Copy !req
608. Now get out that doorCopy !req
609. before I redecorate that wall
an interesting new colourCopy !req
610. called "hint of brain."Copy !req
611. Excellent. Well, that's clear.Copy !req
612. Let's get back to that lovely war, then!Copy !req
613. - Woof! Woof!
- Bark!Copy !req
614. Not so fast, Blackadder.Copy !req
615. Oh, damn! Foiled again!
What bad luck!Copy !req
616. Ah, and the Lord Flashheart.
This is indeed an honor.Copy !req
617. Finally, the two greatest gentleman flyers
in the world meet.Copy !req
618. Two men of honor,
who have jousted togetherCopy !req
619. in the cloud-strewn glory of the skies,Copy !req
620. face to face at last.Copy !req
621. How often I have rehearsed
this moment of destiny in my dreams.Copy !req
622. The opportunity to encapsulate
the unspoken nobility of our comradeship...Copy !req
623. What a poof!Copy !req
624. Come on!Copy !req
625. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
626. - Hello, Darling.
- Good lord.Copy !req
627. Captain Blackadder,
I thought you were...Copy !req
628. - Playing tennis?
- No.Copy !req
629. - Dead?
- Well, yes, unfortunately.Copy !req
630. Well, I had a lucky escape,
no thanks to you.Copy !req
631. This is a friend of mine.Copy !req
632. Argh!Copy !req
633. Hi, cretin.Copy !req
634. Flashheart, this is captain Darling.Copy !req
635. Captain Darling?Copy !req
636. Funny name for a guy, isn't it?Copy !req
637. Last person I called "darling"
was pregnant twenty seconds later.Copy !req
638. Hear you couldn't be bothered
to help old slacky here.Copy !req
639. Er, well, it... It wasn't quite that, sir.Copy !req
640. It's just that we weighed up
the pros and cons,Copy !req
641. and decided it wasn't a reasonable use
of our time and resources.Copy !req
642. Well, this isn't a reasonable useCopy !req
643. of my time and resources,
but I'm going to do it anyway.Copy !req
644. What?Copy !req
645. - This!
- Oh!Copy !req
646. All right, slacky!Copy !req
647. All right, slacky! I've got to fly.Copy !req
648. Two million chicks,
only one Flashheart.Copy !req
649. And remember, if you
want something, take it.Copy !req
650. Bobby!Copy !req
651. My lord!Copy !req
652. I want something!Copy !req
653. - Take it!
- Woof!Copy !req
654. Git!Copy !req
655. - Ah, Blackadder, so you escaped.
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
656. Bravo!Copy !req
657. Don't slouch, Darling.Copy !req
658. I was wondering whether,Copy !req
659. having been tortured by the most
vicious sadist of the German army,Copy !req
660. I might be allowed
a week's leave to recuperate.Copy !req
661. Excellent idea.Copy !req
662. Your commanding officer would
have to be stark raving mad to refuse you.Copy !req
663. "You" are my commanding officer.Copy !req
664. Well?Copy !req
665. Can I have a week's leave to recuperate, sir?Copy !req
666. Certainly not!Copy !req
667. - Thank you, sir.
- Baaaaaah!Copy !req