1. Go away!Copy !req
2. My Lord, there is someone
at the door to see you.Copy !req
3. Oh, God! What time is it?Copy !req
4. Four o'clock.Copy !req
5. Baldrick, I've told you before,
you mustn't let me sleep all day.Copy !req
6. This woman charges by the hour!Copy !req
7. Erm, My Lord,
it's four o'clock in the morning.Copy !req
8. Someone wants to see me
at 4:00 in the morning?Copy !req
9. What is he, a giant lark?Copy !req
10. Er, no, he's a priest.Copy !req
11. Tell him I'm Jewish!Copy !req
12. Aren't you going to introduce me, then?Copy !req
13. What?Copy !req
14. Aren't you going to introduce me
to your friend?Copy !req
15. Oh, very well, but I think
you're making a mistake.Copy !req
16. Baldrick, I am delighted
to introduce you to...Copy !req
17. I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.Copy !req
18. Mollie.Copy !req
19. Of course, Mollie! Baldrick,
this is Mollie, a dear friend of mine.Copy !req
20. I'm not dear!Copy !req
21. I'm very reasonable, actually, Baldrick.Copy !req
22. Most girls would charge
an extra sixpenceCopy !req
23. for all the horrible things
he wants to do.Copy !req
24. Yes, all right!
All right, all right, all right.Copy !req
25. Baldrick, this is Mollie,
an inexpensive prostitute.Copy !req
26. Mollie, this is Baldrick,
a pointless peasant!Copy !req
27. Now, may I go to sleep, please?Copy !req
28. Yeah, well, what about this priest?Copy !req
29. Tell him to take his sacred backside
out of here!Copy !req
30. What's more, if he comes begging again,Copy !req
31. tell him I shall report him to
the Bishop of Bath and WellsCopy !req
32. who drowns babies during christenings
and eats them in the vestry afterwards.Copy !req
33. Very good, My Lord.Copy !req
34. Bye, Bald rick.Copy !req
35. Bye-bye, Mollie.Copy !req
36. For God's sake, get out!Copy !req
37. Well, you're a one, aren't you?Copy !req
38. When you should be whispering
sweet conversational nothingsCopy !req
39. like, "Goodness, something twice
the size of the Royal Barge"Copy !req
40. "has just hoved into view
between the sheets,"Copy !req
41. you don't say a word.Copy !req
42. But enter the Creature
from the Black LatrineCopy !req
43. and you won't stop jabbering!Copy !req
44. He treated me like a human being.Copy !req
45. Look, if I'd wanted a lecture
on the Rights of Man,Copy !req
46. I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther!Copy !req
47. Yes, Baldrick, what is it now?Copy !req
48. It's that priest.
He says he still wants to see you.Copy !req
49. And did you mention the baby-eating
Bishop of Bath and Wells?Copy !req
50. - I did, My Lord.
- And what did he say?Copy !req
51. He said, "I am the
baby-eating Bishop of Bath and Wells!"Copy !req
52. Good Lord!Copy !req
53. You haven't any children,
have you, Blackadder?Copy !req
54. No. No, I'm not married.Copy !req
55. In that case, I'll skip breakfast
and get straight down to business!Copy !req
56. Do you know what day it is today?Copy !req
57. No, I don't.Copy !req
58. It is exactly one year ago to the dayCopy !req
59. that the Bank of the Black Monks
of St Herod,Copy !req
60. "Banking with a Smile and a Stab",Copy !req
61. of which I am the assistant manager,Copy !req
62. lent you 1,000 pounds.Copy !req
63. Our motto is, "RepaymentCopy !req
64. "or Revenge".Copy !req
65. Of course and, naturally,Copy !req
66. I would have paid you back,
but unfortunately,Copy !req
67. and this is the real bugger,
I've gone and lost my wallet.Copy !req
68. Disastrous!
It had all my addresses in it,Copy !req
69. all those little notes saying
" Forget Ye Not"Copy !req
70. and, of course, all my money!Copy !req
71. That's no concern of mine.
The debt is now due.Copy !req
72. Not to repay a loan is a sin,
and we Black Monks, we hate sin!Copy !req
73. Ah! Erm... Your Grace, may I introduceCopy !req
74. my mother.Copy !req
75. Good morning, my dear!Copy !req
76. I hope you haven't forgotten
our appointment!Copy !req
77. Of course not, pumpie!Copy !req
78. I have a mind, my pretty,
to play nuns and novices,Copy !req
79. so don't forget your wimple!Copy !req
80. Saucy!Copy !req
81. But as for you, you come with me!Copy !req
82. Where?Copy !req
83. To visit the last poor fool
who lost his wallet!Copy !req
84. Ow!Copy !req
85. "William Greaves, born 1513
in Chelmsford with the love of Christ,"Copy !req
86. "died 1563 in"Copy !req
87. "agony with a spike up his bottom!"Copy !req
88. 'Tis ever and so, nuncle,
with the Black Monks!Copy !req
89. Screamed did he.Copy !req
90. Screamed and gurgled as they skewered
his cat-flap for want of a farthing!Copy !req
91. I think you get my message.Copy !req
92. Erm, yes. Yes, indeed.
But tell me, Bishop,Copy !req
93. let me just test the water here,
so to speak.Copy !req
94. Erm, supposing I was to say to you
something like,Copy !req
95. "I'm a close friend of the Queen'sCopy !req
96. "and I think she'd be very interestedCopy !req
97. to hear about you and Mollie
and the wimple,Copy !req
98. "so why don't we just
call it quits, eh, fatso?"Copy !req
99. I would say, firstly,Copy !req
100. the Queen would not believe you,Copy !req
101. and, secondly, you'll regret
calling me "fatso" later today!Copy !req
102. Ah.Copy !req
103. I will have my money
by Evensong tonight or...Copy !req
104. your bottom will wish
it had never been born!Copy !req
105. Poor Tom is a-cold!Copy !req
106. Pity poor Tom, for his nose is frozen!Copy !req
107. And he doth shiver and is mad!Copy !req
108. Oh, shut up!Copy !req
109. So, lads, I'm up a certain creek
without a certain instrument.Copy !req
110. Either I raise a 1,000 pounds
by this evening or I get murdered.Copy !req
111. What should I do?Copy !req
112. - It's obvious.
- What?Copy !req
113. You'll have to get murdered.Copy !req
114. You'd never raise that sort of money.Copy !req
115. Oh, come now, Baldrick!Copy !req
116. A piffling thousand?Copy !req
117. Pay the fellow, Edmund,
and damn his impudence!Copy !req
118. I haven't got a 1,000, dung-head!
I've got 85 quid in the whole world.Copy !req
119. But you're always boasting to the Queen
about how wealthy you are!Copy !req
120. Ah, a cunning web of deceit
subtly spun about the courtCopy !req
121. to improve my standing, unfortunately.Copy !req
122. What, do you mean you've been...Copy !req
123. fibbing?Copy !req
124. Yep. My whole life
has been a tissue of whoppers.Copy !req
125. I consider myself
one of England's finest liars.Copy !req
126. - Oh, my God, Percy!
- Oh!Copy !req
127. A giant hummingbird is
about to eat your hat and cloak!Copy !req
128. - Oh, no!
- You see? I'm terrific.Copy !req
129. It seems to have gone now.Copy !req
130. Couldn't you just dip
into the family fortune?Copy !req
131. There isn't one.Copy !req
132. My father blew it all on wine,
women and amateur dramatics.Copy !req
133. At the end, he eking out a livingCopy !req
134. doing humorous impressions
of Anne of Cleves!Copy !req
135. Oh, Edmund, I am sorry. I had no idea.Copy !req
136. But do not despair,
for I have some small savings,Copy !req
137. carefully harvested
from my weekly allowance,Copy !req
138. set aside against my frail old age.Copy !req
139. By luck, it is just over a 1,000,
methinks,Copy !req
140. and has, for years,
been hidden beyond the wit of any thiefCopy !req
141. in an old sock...Copy !req
142. Under the squeaky floorboard...Copy !req
143. Behind the kitchen dresser.Copy !req
144. You've seen it?Copy !req
145. Seen it, pinched it, spent it.Copy !req
146. And the same goes for the two farthingsCopy !req
147. Baldrick thinks he's got
hidden inside that mouldy potato.Copy !req
148. Oh, bloody hell!Copy !req
149. Then, you are doomed.Copy !req
150. Alas.Copy !req
151. For God's sake,
let us sit upon the carpetCopy !req
152. and tell sad stories...Copy !req
153. Certainly not!Copy !req
154. When Lord Blackadder is in trouble,
he does not sit about!Copy !req
155. You won't be able to sit about
with a spike up your bottom.Copy !req
156. Well, exactly.Copy !req
157. But still, I've got 85 quid,
and that's a start.Copy !req
158. I'm sure I'll think of something
as long as I'm not disturbed.Copy !req
159. My Lord, the Queen does demand
your urgent presence, on pain of death!Copy !req
160. Oh, damn!Copy !req
161. The path of my life is
strewn with cowpatsCopy !req
162. from the devil's own satanic herd!Copy !req
163. Madam, you sent for me.Copy !req
164. Did I? I don't remember.Copy !req
165. What a naughty scatterbrain I am!Copy !req
166. Snap!Copy !req
167. Well, perhaps, ma'am,
if I might be allowed to withdraw,Copy !req
168. I have one or two tiny matters
to attend to.Copy !req
169. Certainly.Copy !req
170. That was a terrific joke, wasn't it?Copy !req
171. Oh, magnificent!Copy !req
172. Ever so naughty!Copy !req
173. What, my lady?Copy !req
174. I do know why I wanted to see youCopy !req
175. and I just pretended
I didn't and I fooled you!Copy !req
176. And it worked brilliantly, didn't it?Copy !req
177. It was terrific, madam.Copy !req
178. I thank God I wore my corset,
because I think my sides have split.Copy !req
179. So, why did you want to see me?Copy !req
180. To crack the lovely joke!Copy !req
181. Or, perhaps, Blackadder,
you don't think the Queen's jokesCopy !req
182. are funny enough for you
to be troubled with?Copy !req
183. Au contraire. I am ecstatic
about the whole instance.Copy !req
184. I only didn't laugh out loudCopy !req
185. because I was afraid if I did,
my head would have fallen off.Copy !req
186. If you don't start soon,
your head will fall off!Copy !req
187. Now, pay Melchie his 85 pounds
and run along.Copy !req
188. - Eighty-five pounds?
- Yes.Copy !req
189. We had a bet. I said that
you wouldn't fall for my trick,Copy !req
190. and Melchie said you would because
I'm so super and you're so stupid.Copy !req
191. You owe him 85 pounds.Copy !req
192. Oh, fine, fine.Copy !req
193. I mean, it's only money, isn't it?Copy !req
194. I cannot believe it!Copy !req
195. She drags me all the way
from Billingsgate to RichmondCopy !req
196. to play the weakest practical jokeCopy !req
197. since Cardinal Wolsey
got his knob out at Hampton CourtCopy !req
198. and stood at the end of the passage,
pretending to be a door!Copy !req
199. Oh, shut up, Balders, you'd laugh
at a Shakespeare comedy!Copy !req
200. Edmund! Oh, Edmund!
I have awaited your return!Copy !req
201. And thank God you did, for I was just
thinking, my God, "I die in 12 hours."Copy !req
202. "What I really need is a hug
from a complete prat."Copy !req
203. But fear not, for I have a plan to
save the life of my dear, dear friend!Copy !req
204. Look, I'm not interested in
your bloody friends, what about me?Copy !req
205. Not bad, Edmund!
That's a good one.Copy !req
206. Oh, all right, then,
what's your big plan, blockhead?Copy !req
207. I intend to discover,
this very afternoon,Copy !req
208. the secret of alchemy.Copy !req
209. The hidden art of turning
base things into gold.Copy !req
210. Ah, I see. And the fact that this secretCopy !req
211. has eluded the most intelligent people
since the dawn of timeCopy !req
212. doesn't dampen your spirits at all?Copy !req
213. Oh, no, I like a challenge!Copy !req
214. Well, Balders, I lost the 85 quid.Copy !req
215. The grave opens up before me like aCopy !req
216. big hole in the ground.Copy !req
217. Well, I did have one idea,
My Lord, but...Copy !req
218. - No, it's stupid. You wouldn't...
- What is it?Copy !req
219. Well, I have heard there's good money
to be made down the docks...Copy !req
220. doing favors for sailors.Copy !req
221. Favours? What do you mean?Copy !req
222. Delivering messages, sewing on buttons,
that kind of thing?Copy !req
223. Erm, not quite.Copy !req
224. - Bald rick?
- My Lord?Copy !req
225. Are you suggesting
that I become a rent boy?Copy !req
226. Well, good looking bloke like you,Copy !req
227. posh accent, nice legs,
could make a bomb.Copy !req
228. Just stick a pink carnation
in your hat and, er, make the old sign.Copy !req
229. I'd rather die!Copy !req
230. Oh, fair enough. That's all right, then.Copy !req
231. I'll just put the kettle on
while we wait, shall I?Copy !req
232. On second thought,Copy !req
233. with a slight alteration, your sick
and sordid plan might just work!Copy !req
234. Give me a kiss
and I'll give you a penny.Copy !req
235. - A penny?
- All right, a tuppence!Copy !req
236. All right. Go on.Copy !req
237. Nothing fancy, just a peck.Copy !req
238. I miss my mum, you see.Copy !req
239. When I was a kid,
my mother always used to come...Copy !req
240. Get a move on!Copy !req
241. He's a prostitute, not an agony aunt!Copy !req
242. Go on, please!Copy !req
243. Just a little peck on the cheek and say,Copy !req
244. "There, there, Arthur. Mummy'll kiss it
better and you shall have a story."Copy !req
245. Well, I dunno.Copy !req
246. Do you do requests, Baldrick?Copy !req
247. What, kinky stuff? Yeah, I'm game.Copy !req
248. Oh, go on, please!Copy !req
249. I... I miss my mother so much.Copy !req
250. I mean, she was like a mother to me!Copy !req
251. Oh, all right, go on, Baldrick.Copy !req
252. I've forgotten what I'm supposed to say.Copy !req
253. Oh, get out of the way. I'll do it!Copy !req
254. There, there, Arthur.Copy !req
255. Muah!Copy !req
256. Mummy kiss it better
and you shall have a story.Copy !req
257. What kind of a story?Copy !req
258. Oh, I don't know.
One about a squirrel, I suppose.Copy !req
259. And then Squirry the Squirrel went...Copy !req
260. Nip, nip, nip!Copy !req
261. And they all went home for tea.Copy !req
262. Aw, thanks very much, me old shivering
mateys, that was wonderful!Copy !req
263. Now then, how much do you charge
for a good hard shag?Copy !req
264. A thousand pounds.Copy !req
265. A thousand pounds?
You've gotta be joking!Copy !req
266. Well, I'm sure we could negotiate.Copy !req
267. Right, so we've got Sixpence!Copy !req
268. Yeah. Now, all we need to do,
My Lord, is to go down the cock fightsCopy !req
269. and put it on a bird that's a dead cert,
but has odds of 40,000 to one!Copy !req
270. Know you of such a bird?Copy !req
271. No...Copy !req
272. but we could make one!Copy !req
273. No, we couldn't, Baldrick.Copy !req
274. Oh, God, I suppose you have
to be told some time. Sit down.Copy !req
275. What happens is,Copy !req
276. a mummy bird and a daddy bird,Copy !req
277. who love each other very much,
get certain urges...Copy !req
278. No, no, My Lord, what I mean is,Copy !req
279. we could get a mad wild killer bull
and disguise it as a bird.Copy !req
280. But it'll be such a strange-looking bird
that no-one will back it,Copy !req
281. but we'll know it's a killer bull,
so we'll put money on it.Copy !req
282. Only we will know?Copy !req
283. Yeah, if we stick enough feathers on it
and hang an egg between its legs.Copy !req
284. Yes, all right. All right, Baldrick.Copy !req
285. A chat with you and, somehow,
death loses its sting!Copy !req
286. My Lord, the Queen does demand
your urgent presence, on pain of death.Copy !req
287. You're not making any friends here,
you do know that, don't you?Copy !req
288. - Madam, you sent for me again?
- Yes, Edmund.Copy !req
289. I wanted to apologize
for the silly trick I played on you.Copy !req
290. Ah!Copy !req
291. It was naughty and bad of me.Copy !req
292. It was, my little rosebud.Copy !req
293. If you weren't so big, it would be timeCopy !req
294. for Mr and Mrs Spank to pay
a short sharp trip to Botty-land!Copy !req
295. Thank you, Nursie.Copy !req
296. And thank you, Edmund.Copy !req
297. - That's all?
- Yes.Copy !req
298. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
299. That was very funny, too, wasn't it?Copy !req
300. My lady?Copy !req
301. Dragging you all the way
across town againCopy !req
302. just to say sorry for dragging you
all the way across town the first time!Copy !req
303. It was Melchett's idea.Copy !req
304. I think it's wonderful, don't you?Copy !req
305. It's fantastic.Copy !req
306. Melchett, I prostrate myself at the feet
of the world's greatest living comedian.Copy !req
307. Oh, you are super, Edmund!Copy !req
308. Oh, Edmund, erm,
I promised Lord MelchettCopy !req
309. that I would play
shove halfpenny with him,Copy !req
310. but we have no coin.Copy !req
311. Do you have a halfpenny?Copy !req
312. Unfortunately, only a Sixpence, ma'am,
what a shame!Copy !req
313. Oh, no. A Sixpence will do just as well.Copy !req
314. Oh, good!Copy !req
315. Oh, God!Copy !req
316. This place stinks
like a pair of armoured trousersCopy !req
317. after the Hundred Years War.Copy !req
318. Baldrick, have you been
eating dung again?Copy !req
319. My Lord! Success!Copy !req
320. What?Copy !req
321. After, literally,
an hour's ceaseless searching,Copy !req
322. I have succeeded in creating gold!
Pure gold!Copy !req
323. - Are you sure?
- Yes, My Lord!Copy !req
324. Behold!Copy !req
325. Percy, it's green!Copy !req
326. That's right, My Lord.Copy !req
327. Yes, Percy.
I don't want to be pedantic or anything,Copy !req
328. but the color of gold is gold!Copy !req
329. That's why it is called gold.Copy !req
330. What you have discovered,
if it has a name, is some green.Copy !req
331. Oh, Edmund!Copy !req
332. Can it be trueCopy !req
333. that I hold here in my mortal handCopy !req
334. a nugget of purest green?Copy !req
335. Indeed you do, Percy, except, of course,
it's not really a nugget, is it?Copy !req
336. It's more of a splat.Copy !req
337. Well, yes, a splat today,
but tomorrow, who knowsCopy !req
338. or dares to dream?Copy !req
339. So, we three alone in all the world
can create the finest green at will?Copy !req
340. Just so.Copy !req
341. I'm not sure about
counting in Baldrick, actually.Copy !req
342. Of course, you know what your great
discovery means, don't you, Percy?Copy !req
343. Perhaps, My Lord.Copy !req
344. That you, Percy, Lord Percy,Copy !req
345. are an utter berk!Copy !req
346. - Bald rick!
- My Lord?Copy !req
347. Pack my bags.
I'm going to sell the house.Copy !req
348. - What?
- There's nothing else for it.Copy !req
349. I mean, I shall miss
the old place, I know.Copy !req
350. I've had some happy times here
when you and Percy have been out.Copy !req
351. But needs must when the devil
vomits into your kettle!Copy !req
352. Baldrick, go forth into the streetsCopy !req
353. and let it be known that Lord Blackadder
wishes to sell his house.Copy !req
354. Percy, just go forth into the street.Copy !req
355. This is the den.Copy !req
356. Oh, dear!Copy !req
357. But I have to tell you, Mr Pants,Copy !req
358. that I've had an extremely
encouraging nibble from another clientCopy !req
359. and I think you know me
well enough to knowCopy !req
360. that I'm not the sort of man
to ignore a nibble for long!Copy !req
361. I noticed some dry rot
in the bedrooms, Timothy.Copy !req
362. Well, Mrs Pants,
dry rot is as dry rot does.Copy !req
363. Stop me if I'm getting too technical.Copy !req
364. And the floors are, perhaps,
a little uneven.Copy !req
365. Indeed, yes, madam,
and at no extra cost!Copy !req
366. Strange smell!Copy !req
367. Yes, that's the servant. He'll be gone.Copy !req
368. You've really worked out
your banter, haven't you?Copy !req
369. No, not really.Copy !req
370. This is a different thing.
It's spontaneous and it's called wit!Copy !req
371. What about the privies?Copy !req
372. When the master craftsman who created
this home was looking into sewage,Copy !req
373. he said to himself, "Romeo,"
for 'twas his name,Copy !req
374. "Romeo, let's make 'em
functional and comfortable!"Copy !req
375. Oh, well, that seems nice,
don't it, dear?Copy !req
376. I think we understand each other, sir.Copy !req
377. So, sold then! Drink?Copy !req
378. But what about the privies?Copy !req
379. Well, what we're talking about in,
erm, privy terms,Copy !req
380. is the very latest in front-wall,
fresh air orificesCopy !req
381. combined with a wide-capacity
gutter installation below.Copy !req
382. You mean you crap out of a window?Copy !req
383. Yes.Copy !req
384. Well, in that case,
we'll definitely take it!Copy !req
385. I can't stand those dirty indoor things!Copy !req
386. There. That's the lot.Copy !req
387. He only wanted to pay a 1,000,
but I managed to beat him up to a 1,100.Copy !req
388. Oh, Edmund! You wily old trickster, you!Copy !req
389. Oh, credit where credit's due.
I just named the price.Copy !req
390. It was Baldrick
who actually beat him up.Copy !req
391. Percy, what is that
on the front of your tunic?Copy !req
392. Ah, it is a brooch, My Lord.Copy !req
393. A brooch cunningly fashioned
from pure green.Copy !req
394. It looks like you've sneezed.Copy !req
395. It is with trinkets such as this brooch,
and here, a ring,Copy !req
396. that I intend to revive your fortunes
and buy back your house!Copy !req
397. You think there's a big market for
jewellery that looks like snot, then?Copy !req
398. My Lord!Copy !req
399. The eyes are open, the mouth moves,Copy !req
400. but Mr Brain has long since departed,
hasn't he, Percy?Copy !req
401. My Lord.Copy !req
402. Ah, messenger! Thank God you came.Copy !req
403. Percy and I could not have waited
another second without you!Copy !req
404. Your Majesty!Copy !req
405. Thank God you've arrived! Terrible news!Copy !req
406. What?Copy !req
407. The French intend to invade, Blackadder.Copy !req
408. My God!Copy !req
409. - So I need some money.
- Ah.Copy !req
410. Yes. Every nobleman must pay 500 pounds
towards the upkeep of the navies.Copy !req
411. But we've decided
to make you a special case.Copy !req
412. Oh, thank you, ma'am.Copy !req
413. Melchie here hasn't got a bean,Copy !req
414. so we thought, as you're so fabulously
wealthy, you can pay for both!Copy !req
415. It would be awfully sweet of you.Copy !req
416. Yes. Unfortunately, ma'am,
I'm in the middle of a cash flow crisisCopy !req
417. and I just haven't got any money on me.Copy !req
418. - But, Edmund...
- Sorry, ma'am!Copy !req
419. What's that in your tights?Copy !req
420. Oh, good Lord!Copy !req
421. It looks like just over a 1,000 pounds.Copy !req
422. So it is.Copy !req
423. I thought you said you didn't have any.Copy !req
424. Oh, I thought you meant real money!
Oh, this is just a bit of loose change.Copy !req
425. I must've left it in my cod-piece
when I sent these tights to the laundry.Copy !req
426. Gosh! A 1,000 pounds just
loose in your tights? That is flash!Copy !req
427. Anyway, hand it over.Copy !req
428. Ah.Copy !req
429. Thanks. Bye.Copy !req
430. Right.Copy !req
431. Well, goodbye indeed.Copy !req
432. Goodbye, ma'am. Goodbye, Melchett.Copy !req
433. Goodbye, Nursie.Copy !req
434. Bye!Copy !req
435. Oh, silly old Edmund!Copy !req
436. He was completely fooled!Copy !req
437. It was a brilliant joke, Melchett!Copy !req
438. Brilliant, ma'am!Copy !req
439. And now I'm going to have you executed.Copy !req
440. Majesty?Copy !req
441. It's for taking the mickey out
of my beloved Edmund so cruelly.Copy !req
442. I'm going to knock your block off!Copy !req
443. But, Majesty, I only acted to please!Copy !req
444. Oh, please! I so want to live!Copy !req
445. Oh!Copy !req
446. Oh, praise the Lord
for the gift of laughter.Copy !req
447. Right, Balders, I've lost the money.
I'm gonna have to run away.Copy !req
448. Why, My Lord?Copy !req
449. To avoid these monks, of course!Copy !req
450. There's no point. The Black Bank's
got branches everywhere.Copy !req
451. Oh, damn!Copy !req
452. If I died, Baldrick, do you think
people would remember me?Copy !req
453. Yeah, 'course they would.Copy !req
454. Yes, I suppose so.Copy !req
455. Yeah, people would always be slapping
each other on the shoulders and laughingCopy !req
456. and saying,
"Do you remember old Privy Breath?"Copy !req
457. Do people call me Privy Breath?Copy !req
458. Yeah. The ones that like you.Copy !req
459. Am I, then, not popular?Copy !req
460. Erm, well, put it this way,Copy !req
461. when people slip in what dogs have
left in the street, they do tend to say,Copy !req
462. "Oops, I've trod on an Edmund!"Copy !req
463. The bloody cheek! I'll show them!Copy !req
464. What, have you got a plan, My Lord?Copy !req
465. Yes, I have and it's so cunning
you could brush your teeth with it!Copy !req
466. All I need is some feathers,
a dress, some oil,Copy !req
467. an easel, some sleeping draught,Copy !req
468. lots of paper, a prostitute and the best
portrait painter in England!Copy !req
469. I'll get them right away, My Lord!Copy !req
470. My Lord, the most famous
portrait painter in England,Copy !req
471. Mr Leonardo Acropolis!Copy !req
472. Right, are you any good?Copy !req
473. No! I am a genius!Copy !req
474. Well, you'd better be or you're dead!Copy !req
475. Right. In the bedroom, beard-face!
Baldrick, get the door.Copy !req
476. My Lord.Copy !req
477. My Lord, the Bishop of Bath and Wells!Copy !req
478. The time has come, Blackadder!Copy !req
479. Oh, hello, Bish.Copy !req
480. The Black Monks will have their money
or I will have my fun!Copy !req
481. You enjoy your work, don't you?Copy !req
482. - Hmm, bits of it, yes.
- The violent bits?Copy !req
483. Yes. You see,Copy !req
484. I am a colossal pervert!Copy !req
485. No form of sexual depravity
is too low for me.Copy !req
486. Animal, vegetable or mineral,
I'll do anything to anything!Copy !req
487. - Fine words for a bishop.
- Hmm.Copy !req
488. It's nice to hear the Church speaking
out for a change on social issues!Copy !req
489. - Have you got the money?
- Nope.Copy !req
490. Good! I hate it when people pay up.Copy !req
491. Say your prayers, Blackadder!Copy !req
492. - It's poker time!
- Fine.Copy !req
493. Are you ever concerned
that people might find you out?Copy !req
494. No. No, I kill, I maim, I fornicate,Copy !req
495. but as far as my flock is concerned,Copy !req
496. my only vice is
a little tipple before Evensong.Copy !req
497. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
498. Bend over, Blackadder!Copy !req
499. This is where you get your...Copy !req
500. Drugged! By God!Copy !req
501. No, by Baldrick, actually,
but the effect is much the same.Copy !req
502. Wakey-wakey, Bish.Copy !req
503. Dear me, you clerics
really are slug-a-beds!Copy !req
504. Where am I? Oh, I remember, drugged.Copy !req
505. That's right.Copy !req
506. You should have killed me
while you had the chance.Copy !req
507. You have looked in wonder
at your last dawn, Blackadder!Copy !req
508. Well, I'm not so sure about that.Copy !req
509. I did wonder, though,
what people who saw this might think!Copy !req
510. What creatures from hell are those?Copy !req
511. They make an interesting couple,
don't they? I think.Copy !req
512. I think you probably recognize this
huge, sweating, mound of blubber here.Copy !req
513. Eh, fatso?Copy !req
514. Tut, tut, tut, tut.Copy !req
515. There's no point anyway.
We have the preliminary sketches.Copy !req
516. Soon bang off a couple of copies.
Let's see, one for the Queen,Copy !req
517. one for the Archbishop,Copy !req
518. a couple kept aside, perhaps, to form
the basis of an exciting exhibitionCopy !req
519. of challenging young artists' work.Copy !req
520. By the horns of Beelzebub,
how did you get me into that position?Copy !req
521. And it's, er, beautifully framed,
don't you think?Copy !req
522. Which is ironic, really, because that's
exactly what's happened to you.Copy !req
523. You fiend! Never have I encountered
such corrupt and foul-minded perversity.Copy !req
524. Have you ever considered
a career in the Church?Copy !req
525. No, I could never get
used to the underwear.Copy !req
526. What I could use, though, is, let's say,
a 1,100 pounds to buy back my house,Copy !req
527. 4,000 pounds to cover
some sundry expenses,Copy !req
528. ten shillings for the two doorsCopy !req
529. and let's say threepence
for a celebratory slap-up bingeCopy !req
530. at Mrs Miggins' Pie Shoppe.Copy !req
531. Yes, yes, but first, one question.Copy !req
532. Who is the second figure?Copy !req
533. Who could you have got
to have performed such deeds,Copy !req
534. to have gone lower than man
has ever gone,Copy !req
535. to have plunged
the depths of degradationCopy !req
536. just in order to save your filthy life?Copy !req
537. Ah.Copy !req
538. Percy, may I introduce His Grace,
the Bishop of Bath and Wells.Copy !req
539. Your Grace, Lord Percy. Percy,
heir to the Duchy of Northumberland.Copy !req
540. Hello.Copy !req
541. It was lovely working with you.Copy !req